The Narcissists Smear Campaign Against You.

When the narcissist can no longer control you, they want to control how others see you.

The narcissists smear campaign is when the narcissist wants to get others to question your behaviour or reputation, where they want to distract others from the truth of the very things the narcissist is doing or has done, by the narcissist playing the victim, so the narcissist can gain enablers and flying monkeys to support the narcissist in their attacks against you, as the narcissist sees you as a threat, they feel envious of you, criticised by you, or fear you might expose the narcissist for who they indeed are. Therefore the narcissist embarks on a mass smear campaign, often without you knowing, so they can isolate you from support. At the same time, they gain unwitting enablers to support the narcissist in destroying you.

The narcissists smear campaign is an intentional campaign to undermine someone’s reputation, credibility, state of mind, character. The narcissist lies to mislead people into feeling sorry for, supporting, enabling and helping the narcissist destroy those the narcissist can no longer control.

The narcissist will tell half-truths, twisted stories, exaggerated stories. They will lie, spread rumours often to those who will gossip more. They will slander peoples names.

The smear campaign is done to divert attention away from what the narcissist has done, to point the finger at someone the narcissist can no longer control, to destroy the other person, while the narcissist escapes consequences for their actions.

The smear campaign is the narcissist self-defence. It’s their protection.

Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.

Types of a smear campaign.

1. Telling others what they did to you, only they’ll claim you did it to them. A narcissist might be telling great tales to others about what the narcissist did to you. Only they’ll be claiming you did it to them, to kill two birds with one stone, they gain sympathy, support and attention, while escaping any form of accountability, while they destroy you for not doing as they wanted you to do.

2. Claim you lied, stole, cheated.

3. Claim you’re jealous and obsessed with them.

4. When you speak out for yourself, stand up against the smear campaign. The narcissist will claim you’re doing what the narcissist is actually doing to deflect attention away from what the narcissist is actually doing.

5. Claim you’re crazy or depressed. They might claim you are depressed, an addict, and they will have gone all out to drive you to the depths of despair, so the stories they tell others to match how you appear. They just miss out on the part they played. If you speak out, the narcissist will claim you’re obsessed with more lies, such as you’re bitter, you’re jealous. As the narcissist has often moved in with someone new as nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist that needs a place to stay, people often don’t look at the bigger picture and believe the narcissists lies, they don’t see that the narcissists are after revenge, and your after justice and peace, the narcissist flips the script so they can better exploit those around them.

6. Claim you have issues, often the narcissist’s real problems, addictions, gambling, sex, drinking, spending etc.

They will happily twist the story, and their story will be their truth, they will claim you cheated on them, you lied to them, you hurt them, you abused them, you stole from them, you never helped them, you don’t give them any love or affection, how they’ve tried time and time again to keep the family together. As they believe they are special and they require excessive attention, even when you’re walking on eggshells doing all you can for them, it’s never enough. As they want power and success and they want to be in control, if they feel they are losing control of you, they will go all out to blame you. As they lack in cognitive reflection skills, their lies often become their truths.

Narcissists do all they can to create the drama, conflict or chaos, to bait you into defending, explaining or justifying yourself, so they can use those very explanations, twist them into reactions, point the finger, blame you and evade taking any form of responsibility for the things they actually do.

What can you do?

1. Go no contact, block and delete the narcissist, their enables and their flying monkeys.

2. If no contact isn’t an option, limited communication and grey rock.

3. Ignore the narcissist, you’re playing the narcissists game, and they know exactly what they’ve told others, exactly what button to push to get you to react in a way that matches the narcissists lies, step away from their games, not easy, takes practice, it is worth it, the gossips go away a lot faster when you’re giving nothing.

4. Do all you can to work on yourself, keeping yourself busy on self-improvement, keeping your mind occupied on creating your life.

5. Document, document, document, try to keep everything. You never know when you might need facts and evidence.

Always store screenshots in a safe place. You never know when exhibit A will come in handy.

6. Those who come to gossip, leave then to it. They’re not in it to help you. They’re in it to talk about you.

7. Not sure who’s feeding the narcissist information about you? Tell those you suspect a different story about yourself and see which one the narcissist finds out about.

8. Get help and support from trusted people, take advice that resonates with you, leave that that doesn’t.

9. Learn what your emotions are telling you and how to handle your feelings. If needed, seek the right therapist or treatment that suit you. Remember, you’re paying them to help you. If they’re not helping doesn’t mean their method is wrong, it just means it’s not right for you. Find what helps you.

Remember, you can not control what others think of you. That doesn’t matter. You can learn to control what you feel about yourself, as you have to live with you.

With good intentions, there’s no wrong way or right way to live your life, only your way.

Stay strong. You’ve already survived things you never thought you could. You’ll survive this too.

Check these out!

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

The Neglectful Narcissist.

At times living with a narcissist can be like living with a stranger.

The meaning of neglect is failing to care.

One minute you can be living with someone who seemingly cares for you better than anyone ever has, then suddenly for no apparent reason it’s like living with a complete stranger who no matter what you say or do they seem to get more pleasure out of hurting you than caring for you, we can fall into the trap of asking them ”whats wrong, what have I done, have I done something.” as we want peace, we want calm, we want to understand them and them to understand us, we care, we don’t want pain, however asking the narcissist often leads us straight into the trap of paying more attention to how we can make them happy and less attention to just how unhappy we indeed are around them, believing we are the problem through their gaslighting, blame-shifting and silent treatments, when in reality if they cared for us in the ways we care for them, they wouldn’t want to hurt us, as it would hurt them seeing us in pain, as it hurts us seeing them in pain, our questions isn’t what have we done, our question should be why would they act this way, and our answer in within their behaviour, they lack the empathy to care correctly.

Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1

Types of neglect.

Emotional neglect, when the narcissist ignores, humiliates, intimidates, isolates, plays down your feelings. ”don’t be so sensitive, stop overreacting, you’re insecure.”

Physical neglect, when the narcissist is unsupportive when they see you in pain, when they ignore you, or stand there and watch you cry with a glint in their eye no remorse, and blame you for the pain they have caused you.

Financial neglect, not taking responsibility for their misspending, not allowing you enough for the essential supply of food.

Not all narcissist will rage. Some might just neglect, all narcissist withhold attention, affection and support to destroy or sabotage your confidence, your happiness and your success, some rage in more overt ways. Others fall silent in the more covert passive-aggressive ways, both are abuse, and there is no excuse.

A narcissists neglect leaves us never feeling acknowledge, respected, heard, understood, wanted, needed, included, worthy, enough. The narcissist neglect often gaslights us into neglecting ourselves as we work harder to please them.

Children especially will do all they can to gain support, understanding and attention from their parents, from acting out to falling quiet for fear of reactions if they do speak out.

Narcissists can be arrogant, which can come across as confident as they manipulate people by flattery that insincere praise or excessive compliments. A narcissist can exaggerate and be boastful. However, when we don’t understand what they are, they seem very friendly, confident and charming, they pull people in and reward people with attention when the narcissist needs are getting met, once we hold the belief they care for us, they stop caring and blame us, so we work harder to please them, not understanding that we need to leave them.

Narcissists can neglect friends, family, partners, parents. One person’s toxic narcissist’s parent is another person’s toxic narcissists boss, friend, partner, child.

Narcissistic parents are very neglectful, only showing up for the child as and when it suits the narcissist, as narcissists are entitled so to the narcissist. It’s all about them and never about the child. However, they’ll manipulate those around them into believing it’s about the child.

Narcissists drop those crumbs of hope as they turn up one minute, then ignore the next. A narcissist believes they are special; therefore, their needs come first. However, they’ll gaslight with ” it is not all about you, I never said that what about when you.” to distract you from their neglect, to get you to work harder to please them, then they’ll offer that intermittent reinforcement when you up your game to please them, giving the narcissist their own way to confuse you, to get you to doubt yourself ”are they really that bad.” when yes they are as someone who cared would not have us questioning our worth, as we wouldn’t have someone questioning there’s, we would go all out to build another up, narcissist go all out to drag another down.

The Narcissists neglect makes us feel unworthy and like we’re not enough. It creates beliefs such as not feeling enough. Believing we are and inconvenience, feeling sad, lonely, anxious, depressed, we can begin to withdraw, we can start avoiding people, avoiding speaking out, avoiding eye contact, we can start having mood swings, start cutting off our emotions and start feeling like we are turning into a narcissist, as we’ve become negative, due to the hostile environment we are in.

self-help

1. Find a safe way out of the relationship.

2. Limited contact so you can begin to find who you are again.

3. If possible, no contact.

4. Find safe ways to release emotions and past traumas, journaling, EMDR, therapy that you feel works for you.

5. Finding validation in your experience and reassures of what you’ve been through or you’re going through, start with learning how to reassure yourself through journaling.

6. Remember you are enough.

You can be with somebody and feel alone. You can be alone and not feel lonely.

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Narcissistic Rage.

Rage is intense, uncontrollable anger, and aggression. When the narcissist’s eyes turn black and cold, their face might go red. Their fists might be clenched.

Anger is a common emotion we all have the capability of feeling, especially when people exploit us, lie to us, provoke us, dismiss us, let us down, hurt us, annoys us, treated us unjustly, many of us can feel our heart begin to race, we might cry, we might shout, we might at the moment say things we regret afterwards.

With a narcissist when they receive a narcissistic injury, their anger can seem extremely disproportionate to the situation, as a narcissist can be triggered by the slightest thing, real or perceived.

A narcissist will rage when their self serving illusion, their perception of themselves, one or more of their characteristics of their disorder is brought into question. When their grandiosity is questioned, when their sense of entitlement is questioned, when their belief that they are special is for a moment brought into their reality when their reality gap of who they sell themselves to be is hidden and who they are is brought into the moment. Their rage appears as they might feel things such as shame, humiliation, they might feel inadequate, so they rage, they intimidate to regain control of not only their reality but also ours, at least they try to control ours, why once they’ve raged they will manipulate to shift the blame for their behaviour into us, to escape any responsibility or consequences for their own actions. They rage to feel powerful and regain their sense of superiority.

What triggers narcissistic rage?

When their entitlement gets brought into question. (Not getting their own way.)
When their arrogance gets brought into question. ( when their ego or pride gets hurt.)
When their belief, they are special gets brought into question. ( If they’re not the centre of attention.)
When their exploitative behaviour gets brought into question. ( If they are caught out on their pathological lies.)
When their envy gets brought into question. ( If they believe someone is doing better than them.)
If their ideal is brought into question. ( when they fail to deliver on the things they promised to deliver.)

When a narcissist’s true character is questioned somehow, which is easily done as they go around many manipulative methods to hide their true selves from those around them, often getting caught up in their own lies, however as they believe they are right. Others are wrong. When their true characteristics are questioned, they believe others have turned against them. Therefore they rage as they hold a grudge against those who don’t see reality as the narcissist sees reality, against those who do well as the narcissist envy often means the narcissist believes the person doing well has in some way stolen from the narcissist. Therefore the narcissist seeks to sabotage others to feel better about themselves, often claiming, “if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t .” And many a narcissist believes this.

When their true characteristics are brought into question, they believe people have turned against them, are untrustworthy or have hurt them somehow. Their anger rises, and the narcissist rages.

A narcissist can pull others down to feel better about themselves. They can lie, deny, ignore or sulk to avoid being held responsible.

The narcissist’s rage can be explosive. It can be those outbursts of anger, name-calling, punching things, throwing items, aggression, talking over you, shouting, intimidating, or passive-aggressive, those sulks, silent treatments, forgetfulness, neglect, is to coercively control others into fawning out of fear from the narcissist’s reactions if they don’t walk on eggshells to please the narcissist.

What can you do?

Don’t argue with them, don’t justify, defend or explain, don’t take the bait. As soon as they have your justification or explanation, they will use those against you to turn it onto you. As soon as you defend yourself, they’ll drag you through an argument where you don’t even know what happened, and the narcissist will tell you what happened. They’ll also claim it was all your fault.
Lower your expectations of their understanding. They only see it from their way. If you don’t agree, they’ll turn it onto you until you do.
Don’t expect a genuine apology. Whether or not they are aware of their behaviour depends on the individual narcissist. However, no matter who the narcissist is, they lack empathy to care for how their behaviour affects others, only how others affect them.
No contact with those who rage at you, then claims they did nothing to you while blaming you if you can not do no contact, limited contact and grey rock.
Remember, your safety comes first.

Narcissistic injury.

Narcissistic rage.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Advertisement.

The Narcissists Injury.

The injured narcissist.

An injury is physical trauma to the body with an external force, it can also be actions or words that trigger emotional trauma, and psychological trauma, emotional or psychological trauma can be just as painful as physical as it hits those same pain pathways within our brains.

What is a narcissistic injury?

This is often when you’ll witness a narcissist react negatively when, for seemingly no reason or in an everyday conversation, or asking them a simple question, the narcissist will suddenly rage. They can go from sunshine and roses to hurricane category seven without warning in milliseconds, often leaving us feeling scared, confused, bewildered, wondering what on earth has just happened.

Why do narcissists rage?

Real or perceived judgment or criticism.
You’ve set a boundary. You said no, the narcissist didn’t get their own way.
You attempted to hold them accountable for their actions.
You tried to talk about something they want to ignore
Indifference, you showed a lack of interest in their subject.
A difference of opinion.
Not giving them the attention they believe they’re entitled to.
Their need for grandiosity and entitlement.

When a narcissist feels threatened in some way, they feel a need to abuse others.

Emotional.
Physically.
Spiritually.
Financially.
Sexually.
Mentally.

For a real or perceived threat, the narcissist might.

Rage
Lash out.
Detach.
Passive-aggressive.
Stubbornness.
Silent treatments
Forgetfulness.
Sulking.
Neglectful.
Procrastinating.
Invalidate you.
Intimidate you.
Shame you.
Humiliate you.
Lie to you.
Provoke you.
Gaslight you.
Triangulate you.

Why?

When a narcissist receives a narcissistic injury that they themselves might not recognise, they feel pain or shame. To remove those feelings within themselves, they’re going to lash out and project onto others. They feel a need to pull others down to lessen the blow within themselves, to raise themselves back up, they hurt others as they believe others hurt them, they are full of anger and resentment for things you haven’t even done to them. However, instead of working through these issues, they blame others for their problems.

Their reactions can be intense, as the narcissist tries to regain control over you and the situation, often without resolving the situation and making matters worse. However, they’ll just blame others for making the situation worse, not themselves.

Their anger, their rage, their manipulation is a defence mechanism, and it’s used to exploit others to get their own needs met.

Abuse is abuse. There is no excuse, as the narcissist is either unwilling or unable to work on their issues. They cause problems for those around them, then blame those around them, as they feel entitled to exploit others and lack empathy to care.

What can you do?

Never intentionally seek revenge or seek to hurt a narcissist no matter what they’ve done to you. They lack empathy. If they receive a narcissistic injury to them, it’s game on to bring you down. There’s no low they won’t go as they don’t see themselves as the problem. They just blame others for rationalising and justifying their irrational and unjustified behaviour.

Don’t engage. The more we play their games, the more they believe they’re correct, the more they believe their behaviour works for them, the more we justify, argue, defend or explain ourselves to them, the more they think we are wrong and the worse their behaviour gets.

Whether the narcissist knows we are right or not, they lack the empathy to care, and they want to destroy us to feel better about themselves.

No contact is always best. If that’s not an option, limited contact, grey rock and no reaction.

The injured narcissist.

Narcissistic rage.

No contact.