People can act narcissistic yet not have a personality disorder. To be on the spectrum of the narcissist personality disorder, people would need at least five of the nine characteristics in the DSM-5 —one of those criteria being envy.
The others are:-
- A sense of entitlement.
- Arrogant and haughty behaviours.
- Lack of empathy.
- Preoccupation with their ideal.
- Requires excessive attention.
- Believe they are special.
Signs of envy.
The narcissist’s envy, seeking to destroy those they are envious of, believing others are envious of them
- Trying to outdo others.
- Repeatedly putting others down.
- Rarely congratulates others.
- Always finds the negative in others achievements.
- Talks badly of others.
- Claims others have all the luck.
- Discredits others achievements.
- Talks highly of themselves or blames others for their troubles.
- Doesn’t offer any encouragement.
- Not supportive of others.
- Doesn’t like others receiving praise.
- They don’t compliment others, only flattery.
- False or insincere praise.
- Takes credit for others achievements.
- Humiliates people.
- Downplays others success.
- Hold a lot of grudges.
- Lack of interest in others achievements of success.
Jealousy is a common emotion, and most of us could have been jealous at one point or another within our lives, nothing to be ashamed of when used correctly, we could be jealous because of something we wish we had, a place someone visited that we’d like to go see, in fact, something like that, healthy people could say, “I’m so jealous I’d love to visit there.” Or “I’d love to have that.” They could recognise this emotion, then would normally ask about it and listen with interest, knowing it’s some they’d like, learn how another achieved it so they could achieve for themselves normal human behaviour.
Jealous means the lack of feelings of not being enough towards another’s achievements or possessions.
Showing or feeling resentment that a partner could be attracted to or involved with someone new.
A fear, insecurities or concerns.
Protective of our own possessions or rights.
Resentment is usually a feeling of bitterness towards another.
Envy. A feeling of discontentment of someone else, luck, qualities or possession, a desire to have what someone else has, often with a willingness to take or destroy what the other has.
Sometimes low self-esteem can cause this feeling in healthy people, jealously means envy.
With a narcissist, jealous means to envy and to destroy. They have little to no self-esteem. Therefore they are extremely jealous of everything around them, not that they’ll show it directly to all those around them as they believe they are above others. Often covertly, they do. Narcissists believe that everyone around them has something they don’t. Their envy and entitlement mean they are always seeking more, with their arrogance that they think they deserve it without earning or working for it. If they want it, no matter what they have, they are always looking for more as they don’t have inner happiness they want more to fill that void. Not understanding happiness comes from within. They can be envious of their own children.
Most people deal with their jealously internally, and as they can be embarrassed by it, a narcissist will tell those close with comments like, “They must have received an inheritance to afford that.” And things like “They only got that because someone gave them a hand, I’ve had to do everything for myself.” or ”who would want to visit their of all places.”
A narcissist will gossip about others rocky relationships, that someone they know is having an affair, they will pull others down not only to make themselves feel better but to also distract people from what the narcissist themselves are doing, those double standards of a narcissist coming into play, do as they say and not as they do.
If someone has what they want, they’ll happily pull it down, talk about the negatives of the home someone purchased the car someone brought, the holiday they’re about to go on, a narcissist can claim they would never want those things, often because they do, they can not just be happy for another, they have to find fault in another.
They will humiliate and shame people, they can do this in front of others by pulling apart someone’s achievements, and they can covertly do it in such a way it’s hard to call them out on it, they can question and judge what you or others do, so you question the clothes you wear because the narcissist is jealous of the clothes you do wear, or they can question or judge what someone else has that you have to you, if you let them know you have it, even though you know they know, they’ll claim they didn’t know, tell you not to be so sensitive, that you took it out of context, it was a joke, or they never said what they actually did say. They can triangulate and claim what their friend said. All to gaslight, to pull us down, so we doubt ourselves all the more.
One of the cures for jealous is, self-improvement, something a narcissist cannot do for themselves, as they do not see themselves as a problem, they are not willing to take a look at themselves and be accountable for their own behaviour, this is where the difference between a narcissist and a survivor lays, survivors are often holding themselves accountable not only to their own behaviour also the narcissist’s and feel bad passing responsibility back, narcissist are never to be held accountable unless they can take the credit for theirs or someone else’s behaviour.
The narcissist sees something they want, and they get the urge to take it or destroy it.
When it comes to us, we’ve most likely felt jealousy or envy at some point within our lives. Yet, usually, we can be pleased for the other person and try to achieve it for ourselves, as the emotional feeling of jealousy is a good sign we’d like something. Yet, you would not usually want to bring the others down to achieve it. We are only ever in competition with ourselves and our self-improvement.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.