The narcissist’s deceptive illusion.
The narcissist sells a dream, a false idea of who they are, a belief that they are someone that they are not, to exploit people as they feel envious of what others have, and entitled to lie to take what they believe they deserve, with a lack of empathy to care about those they hurt.
We fall for them in the love-bombing, as they manipulatively influence us into what many would believe to be the honeymoon period, or the excitement of a new relationship, believing their flattery to be compliments, their generous gifts to be appreciation￼, they want to spend time with us as they care for us, or they have had a really difficult past, with everything their ex put them though. We know we can help them feel so much better. It’s all to influence us into feeling obligated to care, as we mistake love bombing for unitedness, understanding and commitment, not realising the narcissist isn’t in it for the same reasons we are. Whether you met with the vulnerable or the grandiose, it was all an illusion the narcissist just manipulated you, from beginning to end, and most will try even after the relationship had ended.
They start off by finding out everything they possibly can about us, from friends, family, social media, conversations with, they will mirror all our likes and dislikes, they sell us our dreams like they want them to, so we eventually feel bad for letting them down not realising they let us down as these dreams weren’t theirs, they were ours that they used to sell us an illusion of something that was never meant to be, however that illusion they sell keeps us clinging onto hope, they may come along as our hero, to good to be true, and yes they are too good to be true,
They will slowly devalue us through many manipulation methods, such as gaslighting, projection, silent treatment, verbal abuse, pity plays, lying, cheating, threats, physical violence, to slowly take away our self-esteem, self-trust, self-worth, your belongings.
They withhold the attention, affection and support that they showed us within the beginning. As we finally start to see through their gaslighting games, they breadcrumb us with those intermittent reinforcements, blame-shifting selling us the illusion that’s things weren’t working out because of us. Now we’re walking on eggshells around them, they’re treating us right again, or those false apologies and future fakes to keep us stuck on the hamster wheel, never reaching our true potential as it’s all an illusion of our dreams.
They often discard in cruel ways. Once they’ve drained us, once they can no longer exploit us, they sell us the illusion that there’s something wrong with us as they move onto their new supply to exploit.
They hoover with all those false promises of change. They sell us the illusion that they can see the error of their ways. The guilt trips us into wanting to reach out and help.
Narcissists are pathological in the lies that they tell and the games that they play, leaving us with so much confusion, as the trauma bond means they manage to fill every single bit of our headspace. So many questions. Endless heartbreaking emotions, anxiety, rumination that seem to take control of our life.
Not only have you got to wean yourself off them, which is as hard as coming off any drug, you might also need to rebuild your life from scratch and learn the whole relationship was a complete lie and an illusion, the person you fell in love with never truly existed.
You don’t always attract who you are. Sometimes you attract those who are envious of what you have.
The strength of character you have, is often why the narcissist picked you out in the first place meaning, you have every ability to start your life over and make it bigger and better than it ever was before.
You can learn to trust your instincts, rebuild your self-esteem and self-worth, restore your bank balance. They never can. It’s a long, challenging journey, but believe me, if you work at it, and you keep working at it, you will get to where you want to be, now is the time to do what you want when you want, without having to answer to anyone. Create new dreams just for you, get any help and advice you need moving forward. You are not alone in this. Stay strong and keep going, stay no contact or grey rock, always and forever.
How can you stop this in future relationships?
1. Heal yourself, take care of yourself, pay attention to yourself, ask yourself. “What do I want. What do I feel, what do I need. Who do I want to be.” Becoming aware of your true self and your actual needs, the less toxic people will enter your life. Learn to love and take good care of yourself before you take care of others.
2. Learn, hold, and stick to your boundaries. If something doesn’t suit you, it’s a no and stick to your no.
3, Observe people’s behaviour, don’t absorb. Take your time in getting to know people.
4. Say what you mean and mean what you say, so long as your intentions are good, don’t worry about how someone will feel if you don’t want to do something, don’t. If you do, do. From the start, so you don’t get drawn in.
5. Heal your inner child. Write a letter to yourself as a child and how loveable and kind they were, think of the things you enjoyed as a child. Think about the things you enjoyed as a child.
6. Work on your emotional intelligence. Your mind controls your emotions, and you control your mind. You control your emotions, and once you take control of your own emotions, outside situations will have far less impact on your emotions and how you react.
7. When you’re feeling unhappy or stuck, ask yourself. “What would I advise my own child, a close friend, someone I love and care for, then accept take and act on your own advice.”
8. Surround yourself with good uplifting, positive people, reach out to those kind people for help and support, to gain different perspectives, those you don’t think as good, know if they are a good person they meant well the advice just isn’t for you at that moment, those who’s advice feels good, take action on that advice.
The Narcissists Illusion.
Fifteen things narcissists say to distract you from the truth.
Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.