How narcissists play the blame game.
A narcissists projection is a mix of their manipulative Gaslighting and their manipulative Blame-shifting. As they go all out distracting you from the truth, as they do their best to cover the truth with distorted lies, as they hide the truth of their toxic, hurtful, negative behaviour from you. At the same time they get you to doubt and blame yourself and take on the responsibility of the narcissist actions, they get you to defend yourself to them for how you think of feel due to their hurtful ways, so they escape accountability, so they remain in control, and so they get away with their actions time and time again, while slowly sinking you forget under their trance.
Psychological projection is a defence mechanism used by a narcissist to defend their own ego against their own negative qualities, by denying the existence of their own inner faults and placing them onto others. A way to deny theirs and our reality A way of denying something they have done and passing the blame for their behaviour, thoughts or feelings onto others. They can be projecting thoughts, flaws, emotions, characteristics, actions and feelings that they don’t like within themselves.
Protection is the narcissist manipulation method to control the image. The realities they want others to see, to gaslight us into losing our minds often causing Cognitive Dissonance where because we live in two different realities, the one we live and the one we are gaslighted into believing we then end up living with two very different beliefs, values or ideas, which leaves you disorientated and confused. We know they cheated, we know cheating is wrong, we know it hurts, we know we deserve better, yet they gaslight us by projecting their faults onto us. ”If only you’d have paid me more attention.” most often they’ll do all the can to deny any infidelity calling us ”Insecure.” or ”Jealous.” they don’t hide the truth to protect our feelings, like when cheating is committed in a none narcissistic relationship, where the cheater would feel remorse, guilt, would offer a genuine apology, and this infidelity still hurts. A narcissist hides the truth from us to save themselves. Even when we know the truth, they’ll still try to deny, provoke, pass the blame and find any way they can to Twist it all on us, so they can escape accountability as they feel entitled to do as they please, without the empathy to care for those they exploit and hurt along their way. So long as their needs are being met and they are receiving the attention, they believe they deserve.
They do not want to be discovered for who they indeed are. They do not want to admit any wrongdoing. So with the Word salad , they throw our way the pass all their faults onto us.
They will exaggerate something you said as evidence, while they downplay any of their toxic behaviour, they will use Triangulation manipulation by quoting a third party, to get us to doubt ourselves, ”I went here with Sam, I told you last week I was going, do you want to message Sam and check with them.” when they use third parties, often a friend the same sex as them, who they weren’t actually with, it is often a lie, a twist in the story, any way to distort and lie about reality.
Most Narcissists do actually tell on themselves, if we listen closely enough, through projection they reveal what they are and what they are genuinely doing. They accuse us of what they have done or what they are planning on doing. They blame exes of what they truly put the exes through, they do this to pity play, to get people on their side by playing the victim, also to project their own mistakes, faults away from themselves and onto others, so they don’t feel the inner shame of their actual actions. They project their feelings onto others, so they don’t have to deal with them, they make others feel guilty for what they do and who they are, as they are unable to feel that guilt within themselves.
As a narcissist is unable and unwilling to be held accountable or responsible, for things they think, say and do, they have to project onto others to escape that accountability, often lacking in cognitive reflection skills, meaning once they’ve made their version of events up, theirs little chance of them looking back and reflection on any errors they made, they are often that preoccupied with getting what they want, that arrogant to believe only their thoughts, feelings and opinions count, that desperate for control, to be admired and to be right, once they’ve made their minds up, this is then their truth.
They will divert and distract you from what’s genuinely happening, by changing the subject, talking over you, anger and rage, or the silent treatment, or they will blame shift onto you. To get you and others to take responsibility for their actions and avoid accountability.
Observing what a narcissistic person does and the patterns of manipulative methods they use help us get the truth from them, as they’ll never directly admit to anything. It’s when we absorb their toxic words we end you full off guilt, feeling like we are to blame, feeling confused for things we haven’t even done.
It’s like a bottle of poison, if we drink that poison it takes over every part of us slowly shutting down and killing us if we just look at that bottle of poison and read the label, we know it’s dangerous we understand what happens, and we don’t drink it.
Now, unfortunately, narcissists don’t come with warning labels. But one warning is listening and observe to how they talk about others, what they say people have done to them.
They will accuse you or others of things you are not, they will attack your character, hobbies, passions and dreams by invalidating each of them, putting you down, calling you names like “stupid, an idiot and selfish.” Asking “why do you have to ruin things.” When you haven’t, you’re actually trying to make it work and keep them happy. They will play the victim in those smear campaigns. They will always be looking to blame you. “If only YOU.” Any false apology often has a YOU in at to why they chose to do something to hurt you. It’s not and never has been you, it was their choice to do the things they do, no one made them, they just gaslight you into believing you made them.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
How They Invalidate You.