7 Signs They Don’t Care About You.

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, due to their very nature and exploitative behaviour, it’s difficult to see if they care or not due to their many covert manipulative mind games to distract us from who they are. Their behaviour is often covert as it’s hidden from us. Narcissistic people are incredibly deceptive. They sell you an illusion of who they can be, based on the information they’ve gained from us of who we’d like them to be, then they will love bomb, idealise, mirror and future fake to hide the fact they lack the empathy actually to care for us, here are seven red flags that they don’t care.

1. They don’t do favours for you.

Narcissistic people don’t do favours for anyone other than themselves, which is why it’s so confusing when they do something for you, something you might have not even asked them to do, leading you to believe that they care. However, they will one day use this as currency against you to emotionally manipulate you. When they ask something from you, and you say no, they don’t respect your no. Instead, they say, “after I did that for you.” Or “after I let you.” To guilt you into changing your no into a yes to serve them, they’ll even accuse you of not caring for them, so you’re the one left feeling inadequate, not seeing what they’re trying to do to you, playing with your emotions. Narcissistic people will only do a favour for anyone if it somehow benefits themselves, like the image they’re trying to sell to others.

2. They don’t care about your needs.

Narcissistic people are preoccupied with themselves. They’re self-entitled and exploitative. They don’t care about what you need unless they need something from you. They can act like they care when it suits a need of their own. However, when you need something from them, they’ll disappear on you and tell you to “deal with it.” Accuse you of being selfish, demanding, or stubborn, yet when they need something from you, and you don’t do it straight away, they’ll accuse you of not caring about them, so you feel guilty and want to prove you care, failing to recognise they don’t care for you.

3. They don’t know the little things about you.

Narcissistic people lack the empathy to care and are arrogant enough to believe they already know everything, as they don’t care, they’re not interested in the little things about you, unless they can use these things against you, they find a thing you’d like to do, and claim they’ll do it with you, future faking, once their need has been met, they forget about that promise they once made to you, if you bring it up, they claim they never said that you imagine things, if you weren’t so demanding they’d want to spend time with you, so you’re left feeling hurt and bad for chasing them, changing yourself to suit them, not recognising all they do is suit themselves.

4. They put the minimum effort.

Narcissistic people will put the bare minimum effort in, sending generic messages, taking you somewhere they want to go, picking up generic gifts, not doing much for you, claiming they’re tired, had a bad day, you know what they’re like in a morning, yet they expect you to put maximum effort in for them, they’ll avoid taking you to important medical appointments (unless they can play the hero.) yet they expect you to chauffeur them.

5. They don’t talk with you.

Narcissistic people don’t talk with you. They talk at you. You might ask how their day has been. If they want to talk, they will. If they don’t, they’ll be silent, leaving you questioning what’s wrong, what you have done and chasing them. However, if they talk, they’ll want acknowledging for their achievements or sympathetic attention for their problems, they might even ask how your day has been, yet they’ll interrupt you, and bring it back onto themselves if you ask about this they’ll accuse you of making it all about you, exactly what the narcissist is doing to you, making it about them, yet if you push the topic they’ll accuse you of not being interested in them, so you question yourself and not their behaviour.

6. They don’t remember the good times.

Narcissistic people focus on what you haven’t done, failed to do, or didn’t do good enough. With their insecurities, they seek to pull others down to feel superior to themselves. No matter how much you do for them, it’s never enough for a narcissist. However, if they want something from you, they’ll come at you with “remember when I.” If they’re trying to hoover you back in, they claim. “We were so good together, remember when.” Which is often something in the love bombing or intermittent reinforcement stage, or when they did for you because they wanted something from you. When you don’t take the bait, a narcissist will accuse you of being ungrateful.

7. They’ed rather impress a stranger than care for their own family.

Narcissistic people don’t do responsibility. They do deception, and their family might not know who they are; however, due to the toxic nature of the narcissist, their families might no longer admire the narcissist as the narcissist feels entitled, or the narcissist might seek to punish the family for not attending to the narcissist. “ if you’d had paid me more attention.” However, no matter how much attention you give a narcissist, it’s never enough for a narcissist, so they seek it elsewhere because those who are unaware are easily influenced be the narcissists charismatic charm or victim plays, admiring the narcissist or feeling sorry for the narcissist, giving the narcissist the attention that the narcissist believes they’re not getting at home.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse. 

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.

Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People, Rule 4, Defend By Not Defending Yourself.

One of the best ways to defend yourself against a narcissist is by not defending yourself. When it comes to narcissistic people, they are not rational or reasonable people. However, they will happily draw you into non-productive arguments to force you into communicating with them in a way that they can make out that you’re the one that’s being irrational, you’re the one that’s being unreasonable, you’re being too sensitive, you’re hurting them, basically, because the narcissist didn’t get their own way, they want to twist responsibility away from themselves by projecting straight over to you, to make you feel bad, to make you question, doubt and blame yourself, to make you feel guilty, and one way they do this is by getting you to repeatedly defend yourself to them, there’s no wrong in defending yourself once. If they don’t want to see your perspective that is on them, it’s not up to you to Continue a conversation that they are either on able or unwilling to understand just because it’s not going their own way. Narcissists just going to keep drawing you back into the conversation to keep communication open with you to feel better about themselves, to get one over on you or to get their own way.

We are human, and it’s human nature to fall into the trap of wanting to explain our thoughts, our feelings, our opinions our reasons to justify ourselves. It’s human nature. However, when explaining our thoughts, feelings and opinions to narcissistic people, they’re going to twist it in a way that we end up feeling frustrated, irritated, ignored, angry and confused.

So why shouldn’t you defend yourself to narcissistic people? Narcissists have a remarkable ability to draw you into Non-productive arguments, productive for the narcissist as they’re going to frustrate you, they’re going to blame you they’re going to shame you, they’re going to guilt-trip you, they’re going to do all they can to get their own way with you, however for you it’s not going to be that mutual conversation where you can find understanding compromise it’s going to be a conversation where the narcissist either gets what they want, or you’re going to be left with lots of feelings. Emotions to process as the narcissist seeks to get one over on you.

When defending yourself to narcissistic people, if it’s not what they want to hear, if it’s not something they can use against you, they’re not listening to you. They’re only ever listening for to what they can use to further their advantage over you, to keep drawing you back into the conversation with them so the narcissist can find a way to punish you. The more you defend yourself to a narcissist, The more information you’re giving them to use against you, The more information you’re serving them on a plate to pick and choose what they would like to use against you, to hurt you.

You do not need to defend yourself to those unable or unwilling to listen to you.

Narcissistic people tend to seek excessive admiration. Narcissistic people can be some of the most self-entitled people you could ever meet, they are extremely envious of others, and they lack the empathy to care about how their behaviour hurts others. Therefore they believe that their needs should be met and their sense of entitlement should be met. Narcissists are more than willing to exploit people to get their needs met. They lack the empathy to care for how their exploitation of others affects others, as they seek admiration, so if a narcissist isn’t getting things their own way, they’re going to go all out to provoke you to keep that communication open with you so that they can feel a sense of importance within themselves if they’ve not got what they want from you, they’re going to go all out to get you going, to wind you up, frustrating you, to gain that reaction from you, to get you on your defensive mode, they’re going to become some of the most offensive people you could ever meet to get you to defend yourself to them, as soon as you defend yourself to them they’re going to keep you going and keep you going. So you snap, and then they’re going to stand back and say, what’s wrong with you? Are you having a bad day? You’re crazy. See, this is what I have to put up with. This makes themselves feel better about themselves not getting their own way. Narcissists aren’t interested in communication or compromise. They’re interested in control.

When communicating with a narcissist who is not getting their sense of entitlement met, we get drawn into discussions, debates, conversations arguments with them that we are completely unaware of. We get drawn into the conflict, the drama and the chaos. The narcissist is creating because the narcissist themselves is feeling bad that they didn’t get their own way. Then we are the ones that are feeling frustrated, guilty, irritated, confused and angry as we took part in the argument with them. You do not have to take part in every argument you’re invited to.

It’s very difficult to step away; however, recognising what they are doing and why they are doing it helps you to understand it and walk away from it. Narcissists want their own way, and if they’re not getting their own way, they’re going to provoke you into that non-productive conversation with them. If they’re still not getting their own way, they’re going to twist it any way they can to bring out the worst in you to bring out a side within you that you don’t like so they can feel better about themselves. You might find yourself apologising to them. They’re going to go out to make you feel like you’re the one that’s being awkward, stubborn, selfish, demanding, unreasonable and irrational, so the narcissist doesn’t have to deal with those feelings within themselves. Narcissists are projecting themselves over to you by getting you to defend yourself to them. Usually, because you’re not willing to do what they’re unreasonably expecting of you, you’re allowed your values, you’re allowed your beliefs, and you are allowed to create your boundaries. Narcissists don’t believe you’re entitled to those. They want to break those boundaries down for you. You’re allowed your feelings. You’re allowed your opinions. A narcissist wants to make you feel like you’re not allowed opinions, like you’re not allowed feelings or in some way your feelings or your opinions are wrong, so you question your thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and you stop questioning those of the narcissist.

Nothing you say or do you will ever change the mind of a narcissist. We can fall into the trap of explaining ourselves in so many different ways to them, picking the right time to choose to explain something to them where we feel will not get any retaliation from them; however, if it’s not going, the narcissists way they’re never going to be interested in what you have to say narcissists are only interested in getting you going until they can get their own way, you are literally wasting your breath trying to defend yourself to a narcissist they’ve usually set the conversation up to get you to defend yourself in a way that serves them. Narcissists only want to hear what they want to hear, and if they’re not hearing what they want, they’re going to go all out to provoke you in a way that gets a reaction from you that works in their favour. The reaction that they need from you to play that a reaction against you. The best way to deal with a narcissistic person is when they’re being incredibly offensive. When they are unjustly accusing you of things you haven’t done, The best way to defend yourself against these kinds of people is to not defend yourself against them, retreat and rethink the situation in its entirety. Why didn’t the narcissist get what is it that the narcissist is wanting from you? What insecurity has been triggered within that narcissist? You’re allowed to recognise insecurities been triggered. How about that’s on them to deal with, not you? It’s not up to you to point it out to them. It’s not up to you to make them feel better. That is on them. Whenever you’re defending yourself from a narcissist, you are moving yourself and the narcissist further away from the truth. The narcissist is removing themselves further away from blame, and the narcissist is removing themselves further away from taking responsibility for their behaviour.

You can explain once, and if they don’t want to listen to that explanation that is on them not you, don’t continue down the line of communication where you’re the one that’s the feeling confused, hurt, angry, frustrated

Retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so, such as in court cases and make sure your responses are ones that you would be happy with the Judge Reading and not an emotional reaction to the narcissist.

As people do have different perceptions, people do have different opinions. People have different values. People have different beliefs. Genuine people who may not see your point of view, you might not even be able to see their point of view. This is when we communicate with each other and explain ourselves to each other, try to understand each other to gain greater awareness which works great when two people are willing to do so. Narcissistic people are not interested in what you think. They’re interested in creating an environment to make you think in a way that works in their favour.

Narcissists are not interested in seeing other people’s points of view. They’re own interested in their own agenda.

One rule to deal with a narcissist is by defending yourself by not defending yourself to them by breaking up that communication so that they can no longer use your explanations against you. So they can’t provoke feelings and behaviours within you that are out of character for you.

Narcissists aren’t looking for closure, they’re looking to open up your wounds.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – A life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about the narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. Where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

CPTSD After A Narcissistic Relationship.

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It is a condition where you experience symptoms of PTSD, which are.

  • Nightmares.
  • Vivid flashbacks.
  • Intrusive thoughts.
  • Pain.
  • Nausea.
  • Sweating.
  • Intense distress.
  • Panic attack.
  • Easily distressed or upset.
  • Hyper-vigilance.
  • Irritability.
  • Sleep problems.
  • Self-destructive behaviour.
  • Hard to concentrate.
  • Other symptoms of anxiety.
  • Feeling like you have to stay busy.
  • Feeling numb.
  • Unable to express emotions.
  • Feeling like nowhere is safe,
  • Feeling like you can not trust anyone.
  • Overwhelming feelings of anger, guilt, shame, or sadness.

Then the with complex, you may also feel.

  • Extreme difficulty controlling your emotions.
  • Extreme fear and distrust in the world around you.
  • Feelings of emptiness and hopelessness.
  • Feeling like no one understands.
  • Blaming yourself for everything.
  • Avoiding people, avoiding friendships.
  • Feeling suicidal.

You might experience emotional flashbacks without even realising you’re having these. If an event, action or a feeling, from a phone ringing to someone saying a particular word, it might trigger that pain, sadness, guilt or anger from your past. You might react to present moments where you’re not in danger without realising you are having an emotional flashback.

What causes CPTSD.

  • Childhood trauma or abandonment.
  • Ongoing domestic violence. It could be verbal, physical or both
  • Ongoing domestic violence, mental abuse, gaslighting, silent treatment.
  • Sexual assault.
    Witnessing abuse.
    Being tortured, mental or physical.

You are most likely to suffer from complex PTSD.

  • If you experienced trauma throughout childhood.
  • If the trauma lasted over a prolonged period of time.
  • You were harmed physically, mentally, or both by someone close to you.
  • You couldn’t see a way out of the situation.

Self-care for CPTSD.

Get to know your triggers. Certain places, events, smells, sounds or people might trigger your emotions.

If you can write down what happened when you had an emotional outburst, the lead up to it, write down the past event that’s caused this reaction in the present.

Confide in someone.

It helps to tell someone what’s happened, especially those who’ve been through similar and understand you, and this helps you realise you’re not alone and release those thoughts running around your mind. Especially helpful to discuss with people who’ve also been through this.

Give yourself time.

Everyone’s trauma is unique to themselves, no matter how similar the story. Everyone’s recovery is unique, don’t speak about it until you’re ready to do so.

Look after yourself.

Exercise, even a walk outdoors, trying to get enough sleep, taking naps in the day if it helps you.

Talk therapy, it helps to discuss it all to move forward.

When you know you’re triggered and see it’s happening, try to have something to bring you back into the present moment. A photo, something to hold or rub, a picture to look at. Try to focus on the here and now. Tell yourself, “I am safe now.”

Listen to your change in energy levels. Listen to your change in mood, stop and focus on taking deep breaths in and out, on calming yourself.

Keep a diary on when you feel triggered.

Take some time out for yourself, especially if you’re feeling triggered, have a bath, curl up on the sofa, consciously bring positive thoughts into your mind, think about what you are grateful for.

Try new activities to fill your human needs in a positive way.

Reading, writing, painting, learning an instrument, etc., exercise. For growth and significance. If you join reading groups or a team sport etc., this also fills the need for contribution, and you’re contributing towards others. Love and contribution as your connecting to others, uncertainty is met as you are trying something new, as is certainly as it’s usually on set days at set times, creating new routines and breaking past the old routines. Joining support groups and offering positive opinions and support to others, always with good kind intentions, helps fill your need for contribution as well as helping those who you are helping, growth as you learn and understand new things about what’s happened in your past.

Grounding technique when you feel triggered, talk to yourself about what’s truly happening around you, whatever is happening or whatever your doing, focus in on it explains the steps you are taking at that moment to do what you are doing.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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Difference between NPD, CPTSD, BPD.

More on anxiety.

The breaking point.

Overcoming anger.

Overcoming Guilt.

The Narcissists Flex.

Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their behaviour. Instead, they look to flex to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour.

To flex is to bend. Narcissists are looking to bend reality over and over again to work in their favour. They have an apt ability to triangulate those around them. Narcissists will go all out to bend the truth, twist reality to suit a narrative that works in the narcissist’s favour, that works to achieve the desired outcome for that individual narcissist, be it flexing in a grandiose boastful manor to gain admiration or the woe is me victim play to gain sympathetic attention. To provoke reactions from others or to punish those who dare to stand against them.

To F.L.E.X. A narcissist will.

Falsify, narcissists look to falsify information between people to mislead and deceive those around them, to bend the truth, by,

Lying, narcissistic people tell countless lies of things that simply aren’t true, half-truths, or they lie through omission to deceive and mislead as many as they can, to avoid,

eXposure, they want to keep their toxic, hurtful behaviour quiet, hidden from others, narcissists will blame, shame and isolate others so the narcissist can avoid consequences for their actions, to,

Evade, they want to avoid taking any form of responsibility for their neglect their hurtful behaviour. Narcissistic people are looking to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour.

With their children, as one thing narcissists don’t do is responsibility, narcissists just don’t take responsibility not even for the welfare of their own children, unless they can play the good parent role to exploit others, a narcissist will happily play happy families with step children, taking them on holidays, days out, parks etc, not for the children, for manipulation, to sell people an illusion, a false belief of what a fantastic parent they are, which helps their smear campaign against their ex and the courts as to why it’s the exes fault whose bitter, made up lies, the courts fault, it’s always everybody else’s fault, as to why the narcissist doesn’t take responsibility, doesn’t see their own children, doesn’t provide for their own children, and as the narcissist idealises and love bombs a set amount of people into believing their lies, those people often unwittingly become enablers and flying monkeys for the narcissist, those who once backed the narcissist, once they do see, can also want to protect their ego, by sticking by the narcissist even though they know, because they don’t want others to see how naive they have also been, they want to save face, or they don’t want to face the repercussions from the narcissist if they were to speak the truth. A narcissist will fail to financially support their own children because of their lack of empathy and failure to take responsibility. Instead, they’ll rationalise, justify, scapegoat, and pity play to gain sympathetic attention from those around them while smearing the names of those who are actually taking care of their children.

When it comes to the narcissist’s belongings, they’ll take what’s important to them with them, leaving behind what’s not of interest to them, while claiming to those around them that you’ll not give them their stuff, or if you message asking them to collect, they’ll not show others what those messages say. Still, they show others you keep messaging, and they’ll claim it’s because you’re obsessed with them and won’t leave them alone. Or a narcissists will keep your sentimental items, so when you chase them for your things they’ll again claim you’re obsessed, stalking them, won’t leave them alone, they’ll use the things that matter the most to you to punish you, including their and your children, some narcissists want their children, not because they care, because they want to hurt you, any pain they cause the child they’ll blame you or those around you, a narcissist will ignore their own children, then expect their children to be delighted to see them when they do show, when those children begin to see and distance themselves from the narcissist, the narcissist will start claiming those children are ungrateful, blame the other parent for alienating the children, while ignoring their children to punish their children, they might idolise the golden child to show others it’s not the narcissist at fault, and people unwittingly enable the narcissist to isolate the scapegoat, as grown narcissistic children can be ungrateful, people often believe the lies of a narcissist, than the actual depth to the narcissist’s deception.

Narcissistic people are looking to tell their tails, spin their web of lies in a way where they can be boastful and grandiose, gaining admiration while avoiding responsibility and consequences, or the woe is me, victim, to gain sympathetic attention and avoid taking responsibility, avoid consequences, while smearing the names of those who could eXpose them, so they can evade people finding out about the narcissists true character, all while punishing, isolating and gaining enablers to support the narcissist in their vendettas against those who dare to stand up to them.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.