14 Tactics Narcissists Use To Confuse You.

Narcissists play so many games to distract us, confuse us, give us false hope, create doubt within our own judgment, thoughts, feelings and abilities. However, they do it under the radar just enough so we don’t recognise what they are doing, so we can find ourselves rationalising away the narcissist’s irrational behaviour with the help of these 14 narcissistic games.

Love bombing.

Narcissists often manipulate to take control over our minds through the love bombing stage of the relationship. The narcissists love bombing is to manipulatively influence us into believing something that isn’t true by playing on our beliefs, our hopes, our dreams and our emotions. Narcissists shower us with attention, affection and support, just as we become addicted to being treated so right, they take it away, leaving us craving more. At the same time, the narcissist blames us for taking it away, reinforcing within our mind that we are the problem, leaving us working a little harder to please them, not realising they are destroying us.

How to disarm.

When meeting new people, take it slow, get to know them for who they are and not who they sell themselves to be.

Selling us an illusion.

Some say being with a narcissist is all an illusion, which yes it is and not it is not. We live that actual life. We live those actual moments while we are with them on a day to day basis, as confusing and as hurtful the experience is, the reality we lived was real, what is the illusion is the narcissist and what they do to us, hideous mind games, to distort our memories, our realities, to sell us something, that isn’t even real, yet because it feels real, because at that moment when they are treating us so well, we live that reality it’s hard to see the extent of the dire situation we are indeed in. Before we know it, we are in deep and have to climb our way back out.

How to disarm.

Radical acceptance of who people are.

Mirroring.

When a narcissist mirrors, it’s done on a conscious level as they study us to purposefully reflect back to us what we want to hear, often accompanied by Future Faking. Some narcissists will stalk our social media. Others will ask friends and family about us. They are literally gathering data. As a narcissist lacks in their own authentic personality, they are testing yours. They want to build your hopes up, which creates the Trauma Bond. So when their mask slips and their envious face comes out in full force, they will then project their negative qualities onto us, so we doubt ourselves, they downplay their toxic behaviour, and exaggerate things we haven’t even done to get us to conform to their demands and walk on Eggshells around them.

Mirroring is simply an Illusion as the narcissist sells us those dreams of what we want to hear, and once hooked, they begin to Devalue us in horrific ways. Still, as they’ve given us the hope of the illusion when they mirrored us in the love-bombing, we don’t see what’s truly happening and do our best to bring that person we first met back. Yet, while in that mirroring stage, the narcissist has also learned the things that matter to us the most, and they use these against us to provoke our Reactions or to hurt our feelings, so they can twist the story to blame it all on us, they use our own insecurities against us.

How to disarm.

When meeting new people, see how much they know about the things you enjoy.

The narcissists bait and switch.

In the dictionary, bait means intentionally making someone angry by saying or doing things to annoy or taunt them deliberately. To hook, trap or entice someone, and getting someone to do what you want them to do. A narcissist will bait you into getting the response they need from you so that they can use your reactions against you.

How to disarm.

As kryptonite is to Superman, no reaction is to a narcissist, learn the games they play and no longer take the bait.

Reactive abuse.

Reactive abuse happens when someone who’s been abused, mind games or controlled, either physically or psychologically, reacts to their abuser, standing up for themselves, either by screaming, shouting, slapping, spitting, throwing things, either throwing insults with the words or lashing out physically. That’s all the abuser needs to then blame it all on the one they’ve been provoking.

How to disarm.

Do not react. The best method is the three R’s, Retreat, Rethink, respond, and only respond if you really need to, keep response to the point, say it once and do not let them take you off-topic, avoid being alone around them, avoid spending too much time around them.

Future Faking.

The narcissists future faking it’s where the narcissist will use the future to get their needs met in the present by getting us to focus on the future promise that they will not deliver to gaslight us by selling us an illusion of something that was never meant to be.

Future faking is to hide things from us to distract us from the reality of what’s truly happening. They will promise something, and then when they don’t deliver on that thing, if we question them about it, it’ll be a case of. ” I’m sorry if only you.” to blame you for things that you possibly didn’t even do. Future faking is to sell you that hope that if only you did something, they would do something for you, to make you feel gratitude, so if they promise you something, then don’t deliver. You asked them about it, they will come up with something they have done, or they will gaslight you into believing they did something they didn’t. They will say. ”what about when I.”

How to disarm.

A promise is one thing that can be broken without being touched. If someone wants to keep uses false promises of the future to break you, recognise that’s who they are. The problem is within them and not you.

Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is psychological manipulation to distort someone’s reality, to make someone doubt themselves and reality so much they feel like they are going crazy, often by the very person who’s sending them the way, the narcissist saying. ”You’re crazy.” so that we doubt ourselves and doubt reality all the more.

How to disarm.

To become free, you need to understand the narcissist, just wants your attention, your emotional reactions, and wants to keep control over your life and keep your mind all over, with them constantly in your thoughts.

Remain in your truth, your reality, keep your diaries.

Projection.

Narcissists projection is a mix of their manipulative Gaslighting and their manipulative Blame-shifting. As they go all out, distracting you from the truth, as they do their best to cover the truth with distorted lies, as they hide the truth of their toxic, hurtful, negative behaviour from you. At the same time, they get you to doubt and blame yourself and take on the responsibility of the narcissist actions, they get you to defend yourself to them for how you think or feel due to their hurtful ways, so they escape accountability, so they remain in control, and so they get away with their actions time and time again, while slowly sinking you further under their trance.

Psychological projection is a defence mechanism used by a narcissist to defend their own ego against their own negative qualities, by denying the existence of their own inner faults and placing them onto others. A way to deny theirs and our reality A way of denying something they have done and passing the blame for their behaviour, thoughts or feelings onto others. They can be projecting thoughts, flaws, emotions, characteristics, actions and feelings that they don’t like within themselves.

Silent treatment.

The narcissist’s silent treatment is passive-aggressive manipulation to distort your reality, so they can feel superior and gain further control over you.

Silent treatment is a form of manipulation a narcissist use to punish and control others.

Their silence is their refusal to communicate. When a narcissist completely ignores someone because the narcissist feels contempt, due to their personality characteristics of a belief they are special, entitlement, envy, preoccupied with self, narcissists feel superior, and others are beneath them.

Narcissists deploy the silent treatment to avoid taking responsibility, to avoid discussing things, to evade consequences, to punish those around them, to break down peoples boundaries, and it is coercive controlling behaviour. It is a form of psychological manipulation.

How to disarm

Observe the narcissists behaviour for what it is, for the games they are playing, don’t absorb. Know thy enemy. Let them be silent. Trying to raise them up only brings you down. Focus on you. Use the time to do the things you enjoy doing. You can not help those unwilling to help themselves. Don’t chase them. This just teaches them that their behaviour is acceptable when it isn’t.

Word salad .

Word salad is another form of narcissists gaslighting. By not directly denying reality, it’s used to confuse your reality, to change your emotional state or your thought process. Word salad is when a narcissist might appear to be answering your questions, while not taking responsibility for their behaviour, seem like they’re will communicate with you without having an actual conversation with you, as no solution is found. When you bring it up again, they twist that they don’t want to keep going over the same thing, they don’t want to argue, they don’t have time for that again, you’re always bringing it up, you never let things drop, so the narcissist can avoid talking about very rational things that need discussing. At the same time, you’re left with endless problems and no solutions. Even when you try to sort it out for yourself, a narcissist will come at you, claiming you’ve made matters worse. If you mention you tried to talk to them, they’ll lie, deny, shame and blame.

How to disarm

Retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so, such as co-parenting, court orders. State your points and leave them to it stand in your truth. Don’t continue the conversation if they’re trying to take you away from the conversation. Don’t defend yourself to their projection. Remember, what they say about you says more about their character than it ever will yours. Remember, they like playing these games, more often than not playing these games to get you going, and once they’ve got you going, they feel smug they feel happy, learn to step away from their games.

Triangulation.

Triangulation is where the narcissist will act as a messenger between two other people.

Triangulation is where the narcissist will write the script to change peoples reality, Gaslighting. He said, she said, they did, they didn’t.

Triangulation is when they will not communicate directly with one person. Instead, they’ll bring a third person into the conversation, to manipulate the person they are talking with, to get them to do something they wouldn’t usually do, to get others to doubt themselves or to bring attention to the third persons’ behaviour truth or made up, so the narcissist can avoid accountability, or to make the narcissists own behaviour seem reasonable.

How to disarm

The best method to help with triangulation for you is to take yourself out of the triangle, grey rock or no contact, just remove yourself from the situation and stop playing. Narcissistic people find it incredibly hard to play their games with you when you’re no longer playing.

Devaluation.

The narcissist’s devaluation causes those feelings of shame within us, so we question our worth, we underestimate who we are as a person, we question our emotions and our capabilities, often becoming more dependent on the narcissist as all the stress we are under causes many health problems, as well as different anxieties.

How to disarm

Develop your mindset, teach your brain, consciously throw out those negative thoughts and find the positive each and every day, learn new things and give yourself new knowledge and wisdom, new skills, when it gets hard to keep going, think creative, think constructive, think big, dream big, then take those small steps to learn and go for it. Work on your mindset, work on your knowledge, use your brain the right way to benefit you.

Intimidation.

Narcissists intimidation is used to threaten or frighten those around them so that the narcissist can remain in control. Narcissists can intimidate in the obvious overt ways or those subtle, covert ways. Narcissists intimidate to persuade those around them into doing something they don’t want to do, believing in something that’s not true, fawning to the narcissist’s behaviour to avoid conflict or drama, appeasing the narcissist to avoid any arguments, to avoid pain.

The threats can be the double bind, where you receive mixed messages, where no matter what you choose, it’ll be a lose-lose for you and a win-win for the narcissist.

How to disarm.

Don’t try to prove your point. They’ll lie, deny, blame-shift, gaslight, project, stay in your truth within your mind.

Don’t blame yourself. Threatening behaviour, intimidation shows the narcissists lack of control, their lack of self-awareness and their lack of empathy don’t excuse their behaviour. Abuse is abuse, and there is no excuse.

Don’t threaten back. Your safety comes first, and narcissists are known to threaten first then play the victim as they use your reactions against you.

Find a safe way out.

Isolation.

Insolation. The state of being in a place or feeling alone, leading to feelings of loneliness, depression and anxiety.

The narcissists will isolate you. Not only can they cut you off from support to isolate you, but they can also make you feel so alone that you’re isolated from emotional support.

Narcissists can isolate you from friends, family, finances, freedom. They isolate you from any form of support.

Why do narcissists isolate people?

Captivators, use withholding any emotional support, criticism, followed by no emotional support. When you study narcissism, you’ll notice this pattern in almost everything, if not everything they do.

How to disarm.

Stay in your reality, pay close attention to their gaslighting, know and remember your intentions, recognise the narcissists games, pity-plays, guilt-trips, silent treatments, projection, word salad, conflict, triangulation, gossip, don’t get drawn in, don’t explain yourself to them.

Find the right support for you, to gain the clarity, the help and the understanding of what you have been, or you are going through, work on those limiting beliefs the narcissist has most often placed within you, work on creating your inner confidence again.

For more information about the minds games, narcissists use to control you.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

What Narcissist’s Feel.

What does a narcissist actually feel?

Although we can not know what they genuinely feel, we can form opinions based on how they treat others, the criteria of the disorder and those diagnosed who speak out.

When it comes to most forms of emotion that people normally feel, it can seem that a narcissist is dead. Yes, they can overtly put an amazing act on. They have learnt from others what certain emotions look like to covertly hide how they truly feel. However, they do not feel the usual emotions or empathy with regards to those around them, at least not in the ways those around them do.

They have an awareness. Even those less aware of who they are or what they are doing. Have an understanding of the fact they feel different from others. They understand and have an awareness of what they do to others. They often lack the compassion for how their behaviour affects others only how exposure of the narcissist’s behaviour would affect themselves. Some can have an awareness of how their behaviour affects others. They simply lack the empathy to care.

The narcissist feels great power when they are in control. When they get people to please them, it gives them an ego boost, a feel-good surge of energy and drives them forward to continue. It is a necessity for them to feel this as it’s addictive. It’s how they get that dopamine hit. They feel great power.

Emotions most narcissists do feel are.

Shame, often why they project the blame for their behaviour onto others so they themselves can escape those feelings of shame.

Envy often when they create those feelings of jealousy within those around them, so the narcissist can blame others for being jealous to escape their feelings of envy. They feel jealous when they are not the centre of attention. Why they will go all out to ruin special occasions if they’re not the reason for others happiness, they will create the misery for others that they feel within themselves, once they’ve brought everyone else down, the narcissist will question, “what’s your problem.” As the narcissist feels smug within themselves. They feel great envy when they see people with a better house or car, whatever the narcissist perceives as better, often why they’ll do their best to then pull others down or claim others have all the luck.

Bitterness, narcissistic people often believe they have been treated unfairly. Yet, as they pass the shame over for their feelings of envy, they often claim those around them are bitter to escape the pain the narcissist feels.

Anger and resentment, as they often feel resentful of others because they are envious of others, that bitterness towards others often turns into hatred, and they seek to destroy others.

They feel empty, a sense of nothingness an unworthiness which is why they need to gain attention from others, positive to make themselves feel better, or reactions from people. Hence, the narcissist feels powerful and recognised. With those reactions, they can also shift the blame to escape any feelings of shame within themselves, to a narcissist any wrong they do. Mistakes made, opportunities missed, achievements not made is always someone else’s fault and never their own.

They feel the harshness when people criticise them. They don’t want to be shamed or blamed, a narcissist sells people an illusion, and they try to keep the illusion going. When they show any vulnerability or weakness, they fear pain. Therefore any criticism is someone else’s fault and not theirs.

They feel rage when they respond to criticism, why it’s always your fault in their minds.

They feel very frustrated when they can not make people do exactly as they want, why they tantrum, rage, intimidate or fall silent.

They feel hatred for those who the narcissist believes has turned against them. Those feelings are powerful within themselves.

They do not feel emotions like happiness, joy, sadness, empathy etc. at least not in the same way we do. They have emotional paralysis. Therefore like an addict to a drug, a narcissist is addicted to impressing strangers to get attention and praise to feel happy about themselves, as it’s not who they are. It never lasts. Why when a narcissist does for others they expect eternal praise. They do not feel sympathy for those around them. They lack the compassion to care. If you’re watching and comment on a charity, they’ll feel the attention slip away from themselves. They might make remarks like “Don’t bother, they’ll not get any money” to get a reaction from you.

They get a sense of joy when they destroy something for another that the narcissist was envious of. They don’t feel the guilt, as they believe the other person had stolen from them, so the narcissist seeks revenge and feels prideful and joy once they’ve brought the other person down, they might in a moment feel shame, why they’ll pass the blame, shaming the other person for what the narcissist actually did to that person.

They feel smug, that excessive pride, that arrogance, when they’re unpleasantly proud of how they’ve brought another person down, often when we see that smirk, the duper’s delight.

Narcissists don’t learn from their behaviour as they don’t see themselves as the problem. They lack a Conscience. They lack the moral meaning of what is right and what’s wrong. They don’t look to blame themselves for their wrongdoing. Instead, they find a scapegoat to pin the blame on, as a narcissist rarely to never takes responsibility for their behaviour, they never learn from their behaviour, they only learn new ways to shift the blame to get away with their behaviour, so there’s no consequences for their actions, often the victim ends up facing the consequences for the narcissist’s actions, due to the narcissist’s mass smear campaigns. 

They see and learn from those around them what emotions look like. They can mirror these emotions back to others, to guilt-trip others into doing what the narcissist wants them to do, to gain praise, support or sympathy, to get away with how the narcissist treats others.

As for laughter, they will laugh along with others if it’s something they’ve said to make people laugh. Or if it’s a joke, the narcissist has made at someone else’s expense, if the narcissist has humiliated someone, or if they see someone they are envious of fail. They get jealous of people around them who are laughing at others jokes and not the narcissists. They hate seeing others get the praise the narcissist feels entitled to. They take it as criticism towards them and want it for themselves. Have you ever been on a lovely day out, someone else’s birthday party? All is going well. Then out of nowhere, they’ll cause an argument or a scene over nothing because they feel envy that it’s not about them, that they’re not making everybody happy this is simply done to get a reaction and emotions from you. So they themselves can gain their power back. Most will not show rage in the beginning or in front of others as they don’t want the mask to slip.

You can not help those unable or unwilling to help themselves. You can not help those who don’t see themselves as having a problem. You can help yourself. The best thing to do when dealing with a narcissist is simply walk away and make your life great. If you’re after revenge, this is the best as they will never be able to live as you do. And they’ll hate not getting any reactions from you. It’s not always easy; however, it’s possible.

10 red flags you should never ignore.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

How to scare away a narcissist.

Signs Of Narcissistic Parents.

Did you have a narcissistic mother?

We can often grow up through childhood with a feeling that something isn’t right. Yet, we don’t have the awareness or understanding to know what’s wrong. Sometimes we can accept behaviour from those around us that we shouldn’t have accepted as we grew up with that behaviour, so we believe it to be normal, we can make excuses for others, even though we wouldn’t behave in that way, we can think oh my dad did that, my mum did that, not realising it was wrong. We can end up with a narcissistic partner because one or both parents were narcissistic, only once we’ve had enough of the pain, choose to step away from that pain, start to connect the dots, do we begin to understand all of that we didn’t understand in our childhood.

A narcissistic parent conditions you to accept conditional love as normal. 

It could have been that every single aspect of your childhood controlled by your narcissistic parent, or you were ignored entirely like you didn’t even exist, you might have felt like you couldn’t do right for doing wrong, that everything that went wrong within your family was somehow your fault, or your parents pushed their dreams onto you, they might have tried and lived through you, pushing their hobbies and interests onto you and not allowing you to learn your own strengths, passions, goals.

When you’re growing up, you look up to your parents as role models, and if they were narcissistic, you most likely developed coping mechanisms to survive.

So what is the difference between a narcissistic parent and a genuine parent?

Most parents do want the best for their children, most are proud, and most think their children are beautiful. Most will discipline their children, most like to show off about their children, and most do have grumpy days, that may result in snapping at their children. This is normal.

The most common signs your parent was a narcissist is they denied you the right to be yourself, to discover who you are, they have a lack of empathy for you or how you feel, you felt misunderstood by them, like you had to win their approval.

Signs you grew up with a narcissistic parent.

Preoccupation with their ideal. Setting goals on the basis of gaining attention or approval from those around them. 

A narcissist can put more effort into impressing a stranger than caring for their own family.

Was the image outside the family home always perfect, yet inside was completely different?

Did you feel like a possession that was publicly paraded if you did well, or an embarrassment that what criticised, belittled and taunted if you didn’t do as your parent wanted? 

Did you have to enjoy the same hobbies as them just to spend time with them?

The Selfishness in the narcissistic parent can leave you feeling like your needs are always ignored, feelings of unimportance.

Requires excessive attention.

They went all out to give you the best birthday ever. However, it was all about them doing one better than the neighbours, showing others what an amazing parent they are, the birthday they wanted for you, not the birthday you wanted. You were expected to be eternally grateful. They didn’t do it for you. They did it to throw it in your face with those “after all I’ve done for you.” To create feelings of obligation within you. Or because they weren’t the centre of attention, they went all out to ruin special occasions, with their silent treatments, sulks, passive-aggressive behaviour, as soon as they brought everyone else down, they’d be ok, often asking, “What’s your problem.” And if you were to tell them it’s them, you’d get the victim play of “oh, I knew it would be my fault.” Or the obligation of “After all I’ve done for you.”

Did they always take you to the doctors for issues you didn’t know you had? Or did they brush any illness to one side, not getting you the right help and support?

Would they always take the credit for your achievements?

The Competition, the narcissistic parent, creates can leave you feeling like you’re never enough, growing up to do very little as you don’t feel enough or overextend yourself to feel good enough.

Lack of empathy.

Did they never seem to take your thoughts, feelings or opinions on board?

Did they deny you love and affection unless you achieved it?

You could never share your thoughts or feelings, as they would be used against you?

Did they always guilt trip you?

Always spoke of their problems with you, but never listened to yours?

Were you always ignored, the forgotten child? The golden child that always had to perform for your parent or the scapegoat always being blamed?

Did they point out others mistakes and boast about people’s downfalls.

The narcissist’s lack of empathy can leave you feeling like your feelings aren’t valid, feeling misunderstood, not wanting to speak of your feelings with others, for fear of judgment, as they often were dismissed or invalidated by the narcissistic parent.

Entitlement.

Did they have an unreasonable demand that others should conform to their way, and they are deserving of special treatment?

A belief they should not be made to wait? They didn’t think they should have to queue up for things, and if they did, they became very impatient.

Did they think they can turn up late, and everyone should be instantly grateful they turned up at all?

Where they never wrong? Would they twist everything to blame you? Did they never apologise?

The entitlement of the parent can leave you feeling like you are not important. Learning to place your needs below all others.

Envy.

Did they always criticise you and put you down?

Were you insulted continuously by your parents, humiliated in front of friends and family?

Did they talk badly of others, hold grudges? Complaining often about life not going their way.

Did you feel like your parent was always competing with you?

Grandiose.

Did it seem like it was one rule for them another for everyone else like common rules don’t apply to them? Do as I say, not as I do?

Where the selfish? Lacked consideration for your thoughts and feelings?

Were they stubborn? Determined to have everything they own way, a refusal to budge once they’ve made their mind up? Unwilling listen to others points of view?

Were you left feeling like you just couldn’t do anything right?

Exploitative.

Were you Gaslighted and controlled by your parent?

Did they always lie, manipulate and try to control you?

Did they control aspects of your life that didn’t need to be controlled? Did your parents just regularly come into your bedroom, over anything and everything, looking through your things? Never giving you any privacy?

Only interested in things that suited them?

Did they deliberately break things you owned?

Did they punish you harshly for any mistakes? If you said anything to them about them that they didn’t like, did they smack you, or scream at you, humiliate you, pull you down.

Did you feel like you had to parent your own parent, taking care of them, comfort them, not just because they were under the weather but most of the time?

Did they have one personality around you and another around their friends or your friends if you were allowed people into your home? Did others ever see the side to your parent that you could see, the side that made you feel uncomfortable?

If you’re a people pleaser, it might just be because you were raised by a narcissist. Do you feel shame or guilt? Always try your best so that all others like you, as you were trained to accept conditional love. You might have always felt empty inside like you don’t deserve happiness, you might have trust issues, you may find your emotions hard to deal with. You might find it difficult to say no to people, creating and enforcing boundaries, little self-worth and self-love if you felt this way growing up. Into adulthood, you may have always had to defend yourself to your parents, often doubting the reality around them. This could be because you had a narcissistic parent.

Narcissistic parents.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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Recovery from a narcissistic mother.

Common Gaslighting Lies Narcissists Need You To Believe.

The lies from a narcissist.

Often what narcissists say is very different from what they mean; here are some of the more common phrases narcissists rely upon you believing, things they say to manipulate you. Where when we listen closely enough, we can recognise it’s the narcissist’s projection or gaslighting as they try to distract us from their intentions or their actions, or to get us to think from an emotional place such as shame, guilt, compassion or remorse, so the narcissist can further their control over who we are as a person to benefit who they are as a person.

People on the narcissist personality disorder spectrum are very egotistical, entitled people and expect others to give them everything they want, with the narcissist doing the bare minimum in return, when we don’t know what they are, they are very tough to spot in society. Narcissists are the masters of manipulation. They are masters of words and lies; the lies they tell, they often believe themselves. They gaslight so well that even when the actions don’t match their words. Those around the narcissist question themselves, doubt their thoughts, feelings, intentions and instincts, often believing the narcissists lies.

The phrases they tell people and what they truly mean.

When a narcissist says, “ I love you.” Or “If you loved me, you would.”

They’re just using the word love to control you. They don’t really love you, not in the way you love them. They love that you put them before yourself, that you make your life about making them happy. They love how you do your best to solve their issues, relieve their pain, fix their problems. Narcissists love how you take time out for them and not yourself, that you shower them with your attention only, that you make the narcissist’s happiness your responsibility. Narcissists love how you think you’re the one that can help them, make life better for them. They love how you need them. They love how with a few devaluing words or withholding of attention, withholding of communication, the narcissist’s silent treatment, they can make you feel unworthy and insignificant to try harder to please them. When I say I love you, They mean, They love how they can control you.

When a narcissist says, “I don’t want to argue.”

They mean they don’t want to discuss whatever topic of conversation needs discussing; the more you try to engage them in the conversation, the more they can twist it to play the victim by claiming you’re the one causing arguments

They say, “It’s not all about you.”

They mean. It’s all about them; they can not Handle you being the centre of attention. If you ever mention your needs that they don’t for fill, they’ll make you feel guilty and ashamed of having these needs. They mean they’re the only important one.

They say, “you’re so awkward.”

They mean they’re not getting their own way, so if they can make you think you’re the one causing problems, you’ll change your mind, and they’ll get what they wanted.

They say, “ You have trust issues.”

They mean they are a very untrustworthy person, and even though they’ve shown you many times by betraying you, they’re going to gaslight you into questioning your instincts and not their actions. Narcissists enjoy having control over your emotional thinking, they enjoy confusing you, and they enjoy getting their own way; when narcissists say, “You don’t trust them.” believe them.

They say, “You are so jealous and insecure.”

They mean they love how you compete for their attention. When they flirt with others, it makes them feel powerful and desirable. They enjoy making others feel unworthy and then twisting it to confuse others, what your instinct is often telling you is real; however, a narcissist wants to manipulate you into thinking it’s not; they want to convince you that your emotional reactions to their actions are the problem when without their actions there would be no reactions. You can never do anything right by a narcissist as that would mean they are wrong; being wrong to a narcissist is unimaginable to them, as they feel entitled to do as they please; they want to get you doubting yourself and not them.

They say, “We are just friends.”

They mean. Whenever they bored with you, or they don’t believe they’re getting the excessive attention they believe they’re entitled to, they’re calling this person. Or if you do manage to leave, they can simply replace you with this person and make you feel worse; this person might already be acting as a valuable side piece.

They’ll also be smearing your name to this person about how obsessed, controlling and toxic you are. So if you ever talk to this person about the narcissist’s behaviour, it will just confirm to them how crazy you are. Narcissists love making out that everything and everyone else is the problem to escape taking responsibility for their own actions and to get away with their behaviour. They love to humiliate and provoke you, so when you react, it’s matching what the narcissist has told others about you, they can let those seeds grow that they planted in another’s mind about you grow as they provoke your emotional responses to show people you are the one with the problem.

They say, “ You don’t have anyone to talk to about it.”

They mean this is because they’ve already isolated you from all support removing anyone important to you in your life so that the narcissist is the one who has power and control over your life now. They want to make you feel stupid and weak; they want to create feelings of codependency within you, so you doubt yourself, blame yourself no longer know who to trust, do all you can to please the narcissist not realising through the narcissists gaslighting they are the ones destroying you, as it all sounds so unbelievable in your mind, your pride and ego can stop you from speaking out, fear of being misunderstood, fear of not being believed, and fear of the narcissist’s reactions can all stop you from speaking out. It seems when you do, no one believes you as the narcissist has already smeared your name, so others believe the narcissist and not you.

They say, “ You’re overthinking or overreacting”

They mean you have perfectly normal thoughts and reactions to their unbelievable yet real behaviour and normal reactions to their gaslighting lies; however, they don’t want you to wake up from the trance they put you under; instead, they need you to doubt and blame yourself so they can avoid being exposed for the very things they are doing to you, narcissists will make you ruminate and question everything about yourself in every way, they’ll make you feel like you’re to blame, they’ll cause feelings of guilt and shame within you, so you trust the narcissist’s toxic words and not your instincts. They will reap all the benefits of you working so hard to please them while they slowly manipulate and devalue you. while you work so hard to make it up to me

They “ You’re oversensitive.”

They mean they don’t want to validate your perfectly normal feeling as they love making you feel worse, which makes me feel better, they love how insensitive they can be, they love having power and control to take advantage of your kindness and hearing you trying to explain yourself to them, they love how they make you feel horrible when they intentionally did something that would hurt you. Yet, they’ve turned it all around to be your fault.

They say, “ I’m sorry you feel that way.”

They mean they’re not sorry; they’re just saying this so they can continue behaving the ways in which they do; they’re only ever sorry they got caught; they’ll never make an apology, as to them they’re always right; however, narcissists can say ” I’m sorry you, I’m sorry if, I’m sorry but.” Narcissists will always find a way to turn it onto you. They don’t care for how they made you feel; they care about not getting caught.

They say, “You’ll never find someone like me.”

They mean they think of themselves as perfect; they also fear abandonment, so they don’t want you leaving them, however as they are the self-entitled hypocrite, if they can replace you, they will.

Hopefully, this will explain to you why after coming out of a relationship with these people, you doubt everything around you and everyone. You might feel judged, silly and stupid; you could feel too scared to tell people to in case you sound crazy, you are not crazy, now is the time to rebuild yourself and cut negativity out of your and your children’s lives; you are not silly, crazy or stupid just because one person manipulated you, you just love hard, you’re loyal, honest and caring, you can heal yourself, you can move on. You may have anxiety; you can heal your anxiety.

How you felt and feel are normal, these are your feelings, and you are not alone; people out there do understand and have been through similar; trust yourself again, remember who you once was; you’ve allowed your thinking and mindset to be retrained, now you need to work on you to retrain your mindset, to positive thoughts, to who you want to be, know everyone’s allowed an opinion if you don’t agree move on no harm done, you can work on yourself. The best relationship you can have is one with yourself. So work on yourself today, tell yourself you can do this, and you so will. Love you for you.

Fifteen things narcissists say to distract you from the truth.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

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