20 Signs Of A Fragile, Vulnerable, Covert Narcissist.

When it comes to dealing with a vulnerable narcissist, people can have lived through some form of tragedy. They might be a victim of abuse, the victim of fraud, lost loved ones, life can be hard, things happen, life can come along, crumple you up and throw you back out and when it hits, it hits hard. People do have vulnerabilities. People can have been victims. People can feel victimised. People can look for justice which a narcissist will claim people are seeking revenge. Revenge is to hurt another. Justice is to have peace restored see a wrong done to another being righted.

When someone has lied to you, cheated on you, hurt you, provoked you, humiliated you, it’s normal to have feelings such as anger, resentment and frustration. It’s normal to feel vulnerable. Some people want to keep quiet. Others want to speak out. However, people who choose to handle these are individual to that person.

A vulnerable narcissist will use their vulnerabilities to exploit another to get their needs met, a narcissist will also use the other persons vulnerabilities against them to exploit that person, and a narcissist often lacks the ability to take responsibility for their behaviour or feel empathy for how their behaviour affects their loved ones.

As a narcissist can seldom control their own emotions, they seek to control others, as they rarely to never take responsibility for their behaviour they seek to control another’s, as they are insincere they use other people sincerity against them to serve the narcissist.

The nine criteria of which someone would need five of to be classed as having the disorder are.

  • A sense of entitlement wanting things their own way.
  • Envious of others believing others are envious of them.
  • A lack of empathy towards others.
  • Exploitive behaviour.
  • Arrogant and haughty Behaviour unpleasantly proud of who they are.
  • A belief they are special, that sense of superiority.
  • Requires excessive attention.
  • Grandiose, look at how great I am, or everyone comes and supports me.
  • Pre occupation with their ideal, whatever that ideal is to that individual narcissist.

20 signs of vulnerable narcissism

1. Quiet, calm, shy, introverted, they’ll provoke someone into reacting then play the woe is me, victim, claiming they don’t want a fuss, yet making sure everyone knows how someone treated them, they’ll just take no responsibility for the part they played.

2. Playing the victim oh so well, and they play the victim so well because the narcissist has rewritten history to escape accountability, making out the other person to be the villain, thus believing they themselves are the victim. As a narcissist doesn’t take responsibility for their behaviour they blame others for any mistakes they make, therefore their lies become their truths which becomes their beliefs. “If it wasn’t for them.” “If only they hadn’t.” And as they sell themselves and others that story, it becomes their subconscious thought process.

3. Blame shifting. They will not take responsibility for their behaviour. Therefore they’ll always find a scapegoat to blame for their behaviour.

4. Provoking arguments, when narcissists don’t get what they want they’ll create an atmosphere, yet they’ll still be playing the victim with .”I don’t want to argue with you.” “Why do you always have to cause an argument.” When you want to talk to them about everyday things.

5. Damaging property, they might smash plates, punch walls and doors, yet when asked to that narcissist, it’ll be a case of “if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” Someone who does this through reactive abuse would be blaming themselves. A narcissist is always looking to blame another.

6. Projection, The narcissist’s defence mechanism, taking their unwanted traits, behaviours or emotions and passing them onto someone else. This is when they’ll come at you saying, “you’re too sensitive, you’re jealous, you’re insecure, you have trust issues.”

7. Gaslighting. Distorting someone’s reality into losing their sanity, so you doubt who you are or what you’ve done, and give the benefit of the doubt to the very person causing you those doubts. With the help of the narcissist’s words, the real victim doubts and blames themselves while the narcissist avoids any consequence for their actions.

8. Act like they’re listening to you, but they’re only listening to what they can use against you, or they can zone out while they look like they were paying attention, then when you bring it up later, they’ll claim “you never said that.” Which gets you into those circular arguments with them, a narcissist will leave out information to cause intrigue in you then say. “I told you last week you must be losing your mind.” And as we know, we told them something, and they don’t remember we give them the benefit of doubt and believe they told us.

9. Extremely negative, when you’ve achieved something, it’s nothing compared to what they’ve accomplished. When you’ve had a bad day, theirs has always been far worse. The fragile narcissist is very woe is me the whole world is against me.

10. Highly sensitive to criticism, it doesn’t take much for them to sulk or pity play.

11. Holds grudges. They expect people to blame themselves and forget what the narcissist did. However, a narcissist will not forgive another. Even if the other person didn’t do anything, just had a different opinion, a narcissist will not forgive.

12. Substances abuse, not all but most narcissists have some form of addiction, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, porn, cheating, however where a grandiose narcissist might gloat and be unpleasantly proud a vulnerable will play the victim and use their addictions to gain sympathetic attention to gain support, with no intentions of changing.

13. False promises. A narcissist will promise to change, but they rarely do only temporarily to meet a need of their own. “I’ll change with your help.” The vulnerable narcissist will use depression against you, so you fear what they might do if you were to leave them. They might promise things in the future to get their needs met in the present, then when the future inevitably arrives the narcissist will claim .”I never said that. You must be imagining things.”

14. Pity plays to gain sympathy to guilt-trip others into feeling obligated to help the narcissist.

15. lazy, unable to hold down a steady job, or even if they do have a job, they expect others to take care of them.

16. Double standards. They can make jokes at your expense. However, you’re not allowed to do the same to them. They get to control reality you don’t. When they’re angry, it’s because they’re right. When you are angry is because you’re crazy. They don’t have to be grateful for you, but you must express eternal gratitude to them. They can ignore you, but you shouldn’t ignore them.

17. Passive-aggressive. A vulnerable narcissist will sulk, and they will fall silent. Vulnerable narcissists will come at you claiming, “you shouldn’t push my buttons, you know what I’m like, you get on my last nerve.”

18. Temper tantrum’s, narcissistic rage, when they don’t get what they want, when they suffer a narcissistic injury, they will blow up out of proportion to the given situation.

19. The silent treatments as they sulk about not getting their own way.

The narcissist’s silent treatment is passive-aggressive manipulation to distort your reality, so they can feel superior and gain further control over you.

The silent treatment is a form of manipulation a narcissist uses to punish and control others.

The fragile narcissists silence is their refusal to communicate. It’s when a narcissist will completely ignore someone because the narcissist feels contempt. Due to their personality characteristics of a belief, they are special, entitlement, envious, preoccupied with self, narcissists feel superior and that others are beneath them.

Narcissists deploy the silent treatment to avoid taking responsibility, to avoid discussing things, to evade consequences, to punish those around them, to break down peoples boundaries. The silent treatment is coercive controlling behaviour. It is a form of psychological manipulation.

20. Guilt-tripping others to get their own needs met. When a vulnerable narcissist isn’t getting what they believe they’re entitled to, they will guilt trip with “if you loved me, you would. After all I’ve done for you.” to get you to feel bad for saying no to them. The only people who don’t respect your boundaries are those who benefit from you having none.

For further information on signs of a vulnerable narcissist click the link below.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

What Is Emotional Abuse? (Understanding Narcissism.)

Narcissists use emotional abuse as a way of controlling another person by using a person’s emotions against them to serve the narcissists needs.

When you feel misunderstood, hurt, frustrated, angry, confused, anxious, worthless, ruminating about how to approach something, no longer able to speak your thoughts or feelings, full of self-doubt around someone, there’s a good chance that someone is emotionally manipulating you.

A narcissist will.

Lovebomb, lavish you with attention, affection and support to influence you into creating a false identity of them, so they find it easier to exploit you.

Criticise, deliberate and hurtful remarks to make you question your abilities, to make you feel bad about yourself.

Blaming, making you feel responsible for everything the narcissist does wrong.

Shame you to humiliate you into feeling ashamed of who you are.

Mock you tease or make fun of you with the intentions of deceiving you.

Guilt you into steeping away from who you are in order to please them.

Intimidate you, manipulative statements or actions to frighten you into conforming.

This is all done so a narcissist can influence another person’s emotions. The narcissist can then use that person’s emotions as leverage to gain control over that person’s feelings, controlling the person’s thoughts and ultimately controlling that person’s behaviour.

A narcissist wants to undermine your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and values so they can distort your reality, gaslighting where the narcissist wants to condition you into believing their lies and not your truth, to the point where you believe you’re going crazy.

A Narcissist will then blame your emotional reactions as being the problem to distract you from the fact their actions are the problem.

No one is exempt from a narcissist’s emotional abuse. A narcissist will morph into whatever person they need to be to impress whatever person they are around to exploit that person to get their own needs met, this can be family members, friends, co-workers even down to the staff at local shops and restaurants, whether that’s using others to make others feel jealous the narcissists triangulation, or gaining admiration and excessive attention from those around them.

You just can not see emotional abuse, especially when you don’t know what it is, even when you do as it can be such a subtle, covert manipulation, even the overt as they are so arrogant in the way in which they do things it’s difficult to see what is genuinely happening.

The narcissist’s emotional abuse slowly undermines who you are, weakening your self-esteem to the point you question everything about who you are and nothing about what that narcissist is actually doing to you, people being emotionally abused can end up with so many physical and mental health problems they can begin to isolate themselves, ending up with depression, anxiety, cptsd and feeling like they’re going crazy.

A Narcissist seldom has control over their own life because they fail to take responsibility of their own behaviour instead they pass the blame, in doing so they want to silence and isolate you so they can further their control over you to feel better about themselves.

When you question a narcissist, they can come at you with, “it’s not that bad.” “It doesn’t happen often.” “Everyone else is doing it.” “At least I didn’t.” To minimise their mistreatment of you, often they’ll exaggerate any emotional reactions you gave, so you end up thinking, “if I hadn’t.” “It doesn’t happen often.” When it shouldn’t happen at all.

A narcissist can withhold attention, affection and support when you don’t do, as they say, they can sulk or fall silent, shame you and blame you, criticise, mock and judge you, downplay your feelings, gaslight, argue, unjustly accuse you, dismiss you, gaslight, triangulate, isolate, invalidate, and manipulate.

A Narcissist can use emotional blackmail against you.

A narcissist can shower you with attention, affection and support, then as soon as they don’t get their own way, they withhold attention, affection and support. They punish with neglect and silence. When something doesn’t feel right, and you say no to them, they’ll guilt trip with. “If you loved me, you would.” “After all, I’ve done for you.” To get you to go against your beliefs and values, breaking your boundaries to serve them. A Narcissist will use your fears against you to punish you. Anything you told them in confidence, they’ll threaten to say to others, they’ll intimidate you, threaten you. “You’ll have nowhere to live. You’ll never see the children again.” A narcissist will humiliate you, in the home or in public. They’ll do all they can to belittle and shame you.

Create chaos.

Creating conflict, drama and chaos, talking about things that make sense on their own but jumbling them up, the narcissist’s word salad, talking in circles, so you feel like you’re never heard, causing arguments. They argue to gain control over us and all situations around them. They know we prefer living in peace, we prefer to avoid conflict or drama, we just want a happy, stable and calm life. They know the only way we think we can achieve this is by giving into them, which we never can achieve peace with a narcissist, as the more control they get, the more they want, the more they’ll up their games, the more they’ll raise the bar, when we try to stop arguments occurring in the first place, walking on eggshells, giving up more and more of ourselves trying to please them, losing our boundaries, gradually giving them more control of us, our life and everything in it, so that they don’t cause an argument. The more we unwittingly give up on ourselves to please them, the more they’ll expect us to give up for them.

Mocking.

Mocking you, downplaying your achievements claiming your job, career, hobbies, friends needs emotional or physical are not as important as theirs, they always have to be right, they’ll make jokes at your expense then if you were to ask them they’ll claim your too sensitive or you can’t take a joke, being condescending talking down to you, claiming they know best, blaming you for anything and everything that goes wrong.

Isolate.

Isolating you from friends, family, financial support controlling finances, hobbies, unjustly accusing you of things, hiding money and car keys, causing arguments before you go anywhere, tracking where you are and what you’re doing, making you feel afraid to make plans without them, they create an atmosphere if you want to do something, falling silent on you, claiming your family interfere too much, calling and messaging you.

Invalidate.

Invalidating who you are, always putting you down, the overt “you can’t do that, you shouldn’t wear that.” To the covert. “Do you really think you’re good enough to do that? I wouldn’t wear that if I was you.” telling you something never happened that you know did, dismissing your very valid feelings, “your too sensitive, you’re insecure.”

You’re going to feel sensitive around insensitive people. E.S.

False accusations.

Unjustly Accusing you of being selfish, stubborn, awkward when you don’t do exactly what they want you to do, they have no respect for your values, beliefs.

Unrealistic expectations.

They have unrealistic expectations of you, expecting you to always put them first, even before your own health. It doesn’t matter how ill you are or what you have going on. They expect you to drop everything to serve them. They will criticise you for not helping them out, and when you do drop everything for them, what you do will never be good enough. They’ll not show you any gratitude; however, they’ll expect eternal gratitude from you to guilt-trip you. “After all, I’ve done for you.” Narcissists only do for others to gain something in return.

What can you do?

If you are still with or around an emotional manipulator, work on finding a safe way out. Narcissistic people can act in many ways when you no longer play their games, and your safety comes first.

No contact, if you can not go no contact, recognise the games they play as their games, don’t react, limited contact and grey rock.

Recognise you can not help them see the light, no one can rescue them, and you have to be the one to rescue you.

Learn to stop blaming yourself, don’t listen to your inner critic, which is often the voice of the emotional abuser who planted those doubts within you. Confidence comes from within by taking steps to learn new things, learning from mistakes and going again until you achieve, then once you achieve, recognise your actions and learn more.

Learn your values and beliefs, what’s important to you, then create your boundaries around those.

Self-care. Start doing all the things you love to do that the narcissist wouldn’t let you do.

Listen to your instincts, listen to your feelings, let them guide you. When you feel like you can’t trust another and they claim “you have trust issues, you’re too hung up on your past.” They are dismissing and invalidating most often your perfect, valid feelings. You can not trust someone who uses your emotions to make you feel worse about yourself.

Know you can, and you will recover from this.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Why Sharing Your Good News Or Bad News Can Criticises A Narcissist.

It can be incredibly draining trying to work out if you should talk to a narcissist or stay quiet, either about something you’ve accomplished or something that’s happened. Narcissists have you Trapped between a rock and a hard place. You are dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t, if you don’t speak to them, they’ll accuse you of not trusting them, not going to them, hiding things from them as they feel criticism and play the victim, if you do speak to them, they’ll take the credit, pull you down, or claim they’ve had it far worse than you.

Narcissistic people tend to do all they can to shut others down. Given a chance, a narcissist will train your thoughts into no longer believing that you are capable or that you’re good enough. Narcissists will do all they can to steal your happiness, to leave you second-guessing your emotions, your thoughts, your opinions. Narcissists will gaslight you to the point where you fear communicating with them due to how they’ve communicated with you in the past, from their invalidation to their accusations. The narcissist shouting at you, their direct aggression to the narcissist falling silent on you, their passive aggression. Yet you fear not communicating with them due to their pity plays of “I’m always the last to know.”

When you try to have an everyday conversation about something that’s going well for you, something you’ve achieved, when you want to share your good news, about others or about yourself, or when something terrible that has happened to you or someone you know, and you’re looking for support.

When you tell a narcissist about anything you’ve experienced that isn’t about them, they’ll go one of several ways, either the narcissist will completely discredit you, they’ll discredit your achievement, your thoughts, your feelings, they’ll discredit your opinions, or they’ll play them down, minimise them and emphasis on theirs, through various gaslighting manipulative tactics.

It’s incredibly confusing and frustrating as to you. You’re sharing your good news with someone you care for who you believe cares for you, your looking to share in the joy together, celebrate together, however as a narcissist is incredibly envious of those around them, the narcissist is looking to pull you down, invalidate you, to feel better about themselves, narcissists can be envious of you, envious of your happiness, your success, they can fear you doing better than what they perceive themselves to be, they can fear losing control over you. Narcissistic people only want to see you do well if they can take the credit and keep you in your place.

You doing well can trigger a narcissists insecurities, as narcissists feel envious. This can then trigger feelings of humiliation and shame within the narcissist. To feel better about themselves, they feel a need to invalidate you, sabotage you, hurt you, to bring you crashing down to feel better about themselves. There’s nothing you can do to appease them as it’s nothing about who you are or what you’ve done, it’s all about themselves, which most things are to a self-entitled narcissist, it’s all about them.

A narcissist isn’t interested in how you’re feeling. They are only interested in how they’re feeling. E.S.

When you go to celebrate something with a narcissist, the narcissist can go for those passive-aggressive sulks and silent treatments, they can become grumpy as they feel offended by your success, they might Invalidate, if you’ve got a promotion at work, a narcissist will claim your job isn’t as important as theirs as they don’t recognise everyone has a role to play in Society, a narcissist could start exaggerating their achievements while downplaying yours. “That’s nothing. What about when I?” They want to bring the conversation back onto themselves, or they can switch the topic of conversation or completely withdraw. A narcissist will happily provoke an argument just to take control of the situation, to ruin your good mood, and once they have, you’ll notice just how calm and happy they become.

A narcissist will start an argument out of nowhere, just to get you to react, break your shell down and get emotional reactions from you. Once the narcissist has your reaction, they’ll blame you for the argument they created.

When a narcissist is envious of another, they seek to either take it from the other person or destroy it for them. If they can’t take it or destroy it, they’re going to ruin how you feel about it.

A narcissist wants you to feel weak so that they can feel strong. E.S.

Narcissistic people happily pull others down for who they are so the narcissist can feel better about who they are.

When sharing the good news with a narcissist, some will take the credit. “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have done that.” Narcissists seek excessive attention, and when they’re not gaining the attention they believe they’re entitled to, they want to take it away from everyone else.

When it comes to sharing bad news with a narcissist, they’re not interested in giving sympathetic attention to help a loved one feel better, they’re not looking to support, some will even find a way to gloat with their quiet smugness about what’s happened to you, to make you feel worse as they lack the empathy to care, or they’ll go on and on about something that’s happened to them. “That’s nothing compared to.”

Narcissists get pleasure from another’s pain.

A narcissist can watch something negative happening on t.v to someone in the present time, and they’ll bring up something they went through 10,20, even 40 years ago, that was similar or not. Yet, they’ll be claiming it’s nothing compared to what the narcissist went through, and people need to “get over themselves.”

A Narcissist doesn’t want to strike up a two-way conversation to validate each other’s feelings. They lack empathy to care for others feelings. They want to dismiss others while gaining attention for their own.

A Narcissist will claim they’ve suffered worse. No one ever had it as bad as they did.

Narcissists don’t see themselves as the problem. To a narcissist, someone else is always to blame. As narcissists don’t recognise their mistakes, they don’t learn from them. Instead, they keep making them and blaming all others for why their life isn’t working out for them. When people wake up from the narcissist’s brainwashing and leave, a narcissist will blame that person for turning against them, being envious of them, being crazy. A narcissist will not take a close look at themselves. Instead, they’ll judge all others, create mass smear campaigns to discredit people’s reputation to save their own, any success you shared with them, and pain you shared with them a narcissist will now use against you for their own gains.

Telling a narcissist how you feel is giving a narcissist ammunition to make you feel worse. They’re not interested in how you feel. They’re only interested in using your feelings to feel better about themselves.

A narcissist is a self-entitled hypocrite. They can discuss their pain, success, and feelings, and you should validate them and hang onto every word, help them. However, you can not discuss yours without having your feelings turned against you, and when you stop discussing with them, they’ll use that against you, to make you feel bad.

When it comes to dealing with a narcissist, you can not discuss how you feel with them. They’ll turn your feelings against you, to turn your thoughts against yourself to serve themselves. When discussing anything with a narcissist, you have to know what you mean and mean what you say, taking your feelings out of the equation, know your intent and stick with it, know you are enough, that just because they can’t validate your feelings doesn’t make your feelings invalid, your feelings are valid, narcissists are just far to hung up on themselves to have to ability to think about others on a genuine level, only on their level which is to get their needs met at all cost to you.

If you need to talk to them.

  • Recognise who they are.
  • Know your intentions.
  • Remember, they don’t want to see your point of view.
  • Take your feelings out of the equation.
  • Recognise how they’re feeling insecure or envious.
  • Recognise and observe their behaviour that’s on them. Don’t take it personally.
  • State something once and once only. If they didn’t listen the first time, they’d make you feel worse a second.
  • The best way to deal with a narcissist is walk away and no longer play, no contact or limited contact and grey rock.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Do Narcissists Know They Hurt You?

Are narcissists aware of their behaviour and the fact their behaviour often leads to pain in those who are close to them?

We can make sweeping generalisations based on research and study’s done by psychologists, the theory’s based on scientific research, based on characteristics of the disorder and those who’ve lived through it.

However, whether it is intentionally, consciously done or instinctively, subconsciously done all depends on the narcissist you’re dealing with.

When it comes to a narcissist, if they feel criticism in some way, if they feel like they’re losing control over another’s mind, not getting their sense of entitlement met, feelings of envy towards what another has, fearing abandonment or exposure when they feel like they’ve been called out on something they definitely (to them.) did not do, when they’re not getting their own way when you’ve set a boundary, attempt to hold them accountable, for these reasons and more narcissists suffer from a narcissistic injury.

An injury is physical trauma to the body with an external force, it can also be actions or words that trigger emotional trauma, and psychological trauma, emotional or psychological trauma can be just as painful as physical as it hits those same pain pathways within our brains.

We can all suffer from psychological trauma. However, there are those who internalise and help others not suffer the way in which they have, and those who take it personally to the point they seek to make another suffer to feel better about themselves.

When a Narcissist suffers a psychological injury, they seek to punish the person they believe in having hurt them, either sexual, psychologically, physically, financially, mentally, spiritually. They draw people into the narcissists game of psychological Warfare that the victim doesn’t even know they’re playing.

A narcissist seeks to humiliate, criticise, judge, shame, and punish the person they believe isn’t doing as the narcissist wants.

While doing this, a narcissist seeks to gain a reaction from the very person the narcissist is targeting to hurt, so the narcissist can twist the story and blame the other person, so the narcissist can avoid taking any responsibility for their behaviour by passing the blame over to someone else. To distract the victim away from what the narcissist is genuinely feeling or doing.

So yes, when a narcissist feels hurt, they can intentionally and consciously seek to hurt another back. However, they don’t want to admit to this. Therefore they’ll shame and blame the other person.

Or when a narcissist believes you’re questioning their sense of entitlement, so when they arrive home, and they’re busy looking at their phone when you ask if they’ve had a good day, they think you’ve interrupted them, so they begin to ignore you, the more you try to ask them what’s wrong the less they’ll talk to you, to frustrate you, to hurt you. They listen to everything you say so that they can use it against you. They are seeking to hurt you. However, when it comes to a narcissist, you’re always going to be stuck between a rock and a hard place. If you don’t ask them how their day has been, this also questions their sense of superiority, and they seek to punish you.

You are dammed if you do and you’re dammed if don’t.

If a narcissist believes your not meeting their needs, many will intentionally think of ways to punish you through conscious thought, and they know what they’re doing. Others instinctively seek to punish you, and their subconscious takes over doing what they know best, manipulative, hurtful games to get at you, so although it’s done through their subconscious. They might not know. They know enough to recognise if you or others found out what they were genuinely doing, it would paint them in a bad light. Therefore they lie, deny and do all they can to gaslight their behaviour away, as their image, whatever that image is to that narcissist, is the most important thing to them, themselves.

When a narcissist believes you’re not giving them the attention they believe they’re entitled to, either intentionally through conscious thought or instinctively through subconscious thought, narcissists seek to gain that attention elsewhere. It’s a win-win for a narcissist as they can love-bomb another, a parent, friend, boss, child, new supply etc., to get positive admiration from them, while ignoring and hurting you, because in their minds they believe you didn’t live up to their requirement, however, no matter what you do for a narcissist as they’re envious of others and seeking external validation it’s never enough for them. A narcissist enjoys making others feel jealous as it makes the narcissist feel important. Sometimes a narcissist isn’t intentionally trying to gaslight your reality. Sometimes they’re flirting with another in front of you to bring out feelings of jealousy within you intentionally, so they can feel smug within themselves that they have control over your feelings because they seldom have control over their own. Then when you go to communicate how you feel with them because they felt jealous that you weren’t giving them the attention they believed they were entitled to, they consciously provoked a feeling of jealousy within you. Instead of communicating with you, then they’ll validate your valid feelings by invalidating you and saying, “you’re jealous.” To confuse, frustrate, hurt and provoke you.

Always trust you’re instincts. They know what they’re on about even when you don’t.

E.S.

Narcissists often believe you deserve what you’re getting. They believe because you didn’t give them the attention they felt like they were entitled to, it’s your fault they went elsewhere. “If you’d had paid me more attention.” When we listen closely enough to not take things personally as to what they are accusing us of and listen to what they are saying, we understand how they treat us says nothing about who we are and everything about who they are.

Narcissist seek excessive attention. It’s a characteristic of their disorder programmed into their subconscious, if they don’t get the attention they believe they’re entitled to another characteristic, they’re going to seek it elsewhere, and to them, it’s your fault because you didn’t give them the attention they believe they deserve, and even when you do, due to their envy they always seek more. They lack the empathy to care for how their behaviour affects you.

To a narcissist, the world revolves solely around them, and if this is their subconscious thought process when you don’t do what they want, you’ll hear them say .” The world doesn’t revolve around you.” Their projection, as they see the part they don’t like about themselves within you. However, as they’re the self-entitled hypocrite, it’s one rule for them and another for you.

Yes, with many narcissists, they intentionally seek to hurt you with a conscious thought process. With others, it’s instinctively done through the subconscious mind based on learned behaviour as to what’s worked for them in the past. With either, they lack empathy to care about you. They only care about getting their own way.

When they cover up their lies and deception, some intentionally cover their track through conscious thought, others instinctively from what’s worked in the past, subconscious thought.

They are aware enough to know that they can’t behave in certain ways around certain people, showing on some level they are all aware.

Often we want to know if they’re aware, so if they’re not, we can wake them and help them. Calling a narcissist out on their behaviour doesn’t make them change their behaviour. Often they suffer a narcissistic injury, and their behaviour gets worse.

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, there are those who once you can manage your emotions and state of mind around them, recognising who they are, no longer allowing their thoughts to impact yours, you can limit time and grey rock, others it needs to be no contact as those with a lack of empathy lack the ability to care enough to stop them taking things to far, your safety comes first, you can not help them. However, they’ll try their best into blaming yourself for their behaviour and guilt-tripping you into believing and helping them.

You cannot appeal to the conscience of those who lack one; however they will appeal to yours. E.S.

You can help yourself move safely away from them and focus on making your thoughts work for you so others can no longer use them against you.

Do narcissists know they hurt you?

Calling a narcissists out.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.