Why Do Narcissist’s Smirk.

The narcissists smirk.

Not every smirk comes from a narcissistic person, but most narcissistic people smirk.

A smirk is when the narcissists if feeling smug, over the pain they have caused you, or they’ve got a way with something they shouldn’t be doing, or they have great satisfaction in the fact they’ve done something others don’t know anything about. Which shows in one level they have an awareness of what they’re doing, whether that’s on a conscious level or subconscious, depends on the narcissist and what they’ve done.

Top seven examples of when narcissistic people smirk at you. The smirk can last for a moment or a few minutes. Sometimes you just get a flash that makes you feel uneasy.

Number one. When they are purposely deceiving others and think that they are getting away with it.

Number two. When they see your pain, either pain your suffering from external sources, when you’re telling them about something that’s happened to you, and for a second you see that smirk. Or it can be the pain they have caused you. The look makes you feel uncomfortable, yet you’re not sure why you feel uncomfortable.

Number three. When they then reject your thoughts, feelings or opinions when they’ve caused you to feel pain, hurt, anger, frustration through their manipulative games, actions or Conversations.

Number four. If you set boundaries and say no, you don’t give them what they want, so they punish you, through things like those silent treatments, so you’re upset, and they know you’re upset, they may smirk as they are pleased they’ve upset you.

Number five. If you ask them about something they’ve done to you, so they start Blame-shifting, gaslighting, projecting. their own insecurities and faults onto you, ” If you hadn’t.” ”You’re jealous.” as narcissists are incredibly envious of others. When you start to try and discuss or rationalise with them or start to get frustrated with them when people are provoking, it’s human nature to want to defend ourselves, they get pleasure out of the Confusion they cause within others minds, and you might catch a smirk.

Number six. When they are playing Mind games with you to manipulate you, or Gaslighting you, to distract you from the reality of their toxic behaviour, then when you’re left feeling confused or defensive, you might have seen that smirk. At the time not aware of what it’s about.

Number seven. When they manage to provoke Reactions from you.

A narcissist will provoke you, to get a reaction out of you so that they can blame it all on you.”

People can smirk to deceive others, but also to protect themselves.

Just because someone is pulling this face, it doesn’t mean they are a narcissist, or that they are toxic, some people smirk when they didn’t get what they want, or they are upset, or if they’re are feeling embarrassed or shy.

With a narcissist, the smirk is a malicious, unpleasant, mocking or even intimidating half-smile.

The smirk often forms at one side of the narcissist’s mouth as they feel contempt. The meaning of contempt is a despising or lack of respect, full disobedience, with an intense dislike. Narcissists feel contempt as they believe they are superior to all others and think they’re entitled to control and take advantage of others. They think if people aren’t doing what they want, they believe that others are then worthless or beneath them, as a narcissist lacks in empathy, they have a complete disregard for how their actions might have affected those around them, only how the actions of others affect the narcissist themselves.

A smirk is also formed when a narcissist feels happiness and pleasure, in the pain or suffering of another.

The smirk is a microexpression which is an involuntary flash of what they feel on the inside showing for a moment On the outside. Through these microexpressions, people reveal what they are truly feeling. These are when toxic and not toxic people are feeling an emotion they’re trying not to go show.

For survivors feelings emotions such as Resentment, which is a normal emotion, especially after this kind of experience, resentment can cause people to smirk when they don’t want to show the resentment. Still, for a moment it appears on their face, survivors of narcissistic abuse can show the smirk especially when we realise just how unfairly the narcissist has treated us, feelings like jealousy again it’s a universal emotion, and these emotions are very valid feelings with how much a narcissist puts you through, lies to you and exploits you, then walks off with your life, your belongings, leaving you feeling crushed. At the same time, they swan off into the sunset as nothing happened, often with your replacement; this can also cause feelings such as jealousy and anger directed towards the narcissist who has the power to provoke you. While you are in recovery, you may feel resentment towards, as they trained you to feel as though you weren’t enough, and you are still putting yourself below them, you may feel shame, feel daft, stupid, and you might be after revenge for all they’ve done to you. Therefore survivors can also pull the smirk. Having contempt towards someone who tried to destroy everything about who you are doesn’t make you a narcissist, it doesn’t make you toxic. It makes you human with emotions. Some survivors can also have a happy contempt smile if they find out Karma visited the narcissist. Not because you were actively seeking revenge because you heard some karma hit them. Not all smirks have malicious intent. Some smirks are formed because when we see someone toxic, no longer getting away with their manipulative, toxic behaviour and justice being served. There is no wrong about being happy when justice is served.

With anger, this is often a feeling we get when someone provokes us, or when someone has been unfair or unkind to us. Anger is often directed towards someone who we view as equal. As you move through recovery, you may lose the resentment and start going through the anger phase, with resentment coming back from time to time if they are still trying to provoke you, or whatever stunt they’re trying to pull. You’ll notice more anger towards them as you begin to feel more equal and realise they are not above you and do not have power or control over you, you are far from stupid, they are highly manipulative, their games are incredibly hard to see when we don’t know what they are.

Then the stage of anger for those when you realise just how harmful and hurtful they are, they are not worthy of you or your time, as they do not care for others.

Pity, the feelings of sorrow for ones suffering, we have to move away from self-pity which again is a universal emotion and most understandable, it’s an extremely valid emotion with everything narcissists put us through. However, that woe is me can bring us down and keep us trapped in the past; we have to work through any self-pity. Pitying the narcissist for things they claim to have been through, or have been through can keep us trapped with them, it can keep us going back as they pull on our empathy with those pity plays, when we get to the point when we learn about the disorder we might go through a phase of pitting them, but understand we can not help them when we realise we can not help them, yet pity them, we lose those feelings of anger and resentment for the stunts they pull, and we also stay away.

When their Admiration face is on narcissists can over exaggerate their facial and body expression. (those not on the disorder can do this too.) when a narcissist’s Envious face appears, they can anger, rage or have an utterly emotionless in the face. This is when you could witness the narcissists Stare.

A lot of narcissists are very good at faking emotions and facial expressions, over time spent around them, and getting to know them. You might start to notice a lack of facial expressions.

Often they believe their own Lies so they can come across as genuine and extremely convincing at first.

Pay close attention to how you feel around others; those are your instincts if you ask someone who reassures you, if you ask someone who invalidates you, it’s not because your feelings are wrong, it’s because they have something to hide. People’s facial expressions when you’re telling them things or they are telling you.

You can, and you will recover from this.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The narcissists’ lies.

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Why Do Narcissist Lie So Much?

The narcissists lies, why they lie? Some examples of the most common lies they all seem to tell.

The narcissist personality disorder is a disorder, and people do need at least five of the nine characteristics to be on the spectrum of the disorder. Most people will lie at some point in their life, sometimes because you don’t want to hurt others feelings. Yet, people with empathy towards others, will feel guilty and want to come clean often leading them to avoid lying in the first place, or in future. Usually, kind people resort to white lies that protect others from hurt or pain, narcissists resort to lies to protect themselves.

Why narcissists lie. 

They believe they are always right, as a narcissist is also most likely lacking in Cognitive Reflection skills, meaning once they’ve made their truth up, their beliefs, their opinions. They can not look back and reflect, they’ve made their minds up that they are correct and all others are wrong. Narcissistic people continuously try to prove others wrong with various manipulation tactics, to a narcissist who always believes they are right, being wrong is unimaginable for them, they just can not and do not get it, they will go to extreme lengths just to prove they are right. Why there is simply no point explaining yourself, defending yourself or arguing your position with a narcissist, they simply can not and will not see your point of view.

Being right to them is more important than others feelings, that with their lack of Empathy, means for us going against what a narcissists truth is, can lead to devastating consequences for us, sometimes why when they are Gaslighting us they do it so convincingly, that we believe them, as to them it is their reality and their truth, and they shall not be swayed.

They will go to great extremes to prove themselves right and prove you wrong—causing that Cognitive Dissonance within your mind over the mismatch of realities and beliefs that you are now living under the narcissist’s spell.

  • They lie to escape accountability and protect themselves.
  • They lie to get their needs met.
  • They lie to play the victim and get sympathetic attention from those around them.
  • They lie so they don’t suffer any consequences to their own actions.
  • They lie to escape all accountability, and because they can not reflect, they believe their own lies.
  • They lie to get admiration and positive attention.
  • They lie to confuse you and your own reality.
  • They lie to anger you and get your reactions.
  • They lie to control others, and to control their reality, to get their needs met.
  • They lie, because their lies become their truths, as they don’t see fault within themselves in order to change themselves, blaming all others, and they believe others are at fault, and others should change not them.

Narcissistic people are often lacking in emotions such as guilt, remorse, empathy, as they live in their own reality, with their own opinions and beliefs. They may feel shame deep within themselves, often why they will blame others, or blatantly lie that they didn’t lie.

As part of their disorder is a lack of empathy and a sense of entitlement, a belief they are special and willingness to exploit others, to get their needs met. They only use others. There is nothing to stop the extent of the lies they tell.

Narcissists will adopt many lies, to suit any given situation and meet their own needs, walking straight over all others, exploiting those who stand in their way, with some the number of lies they tell, they can actually end up believing their own lies to be a reality, making their lies even more convincing to others, as the lack in cognitive reflection skills to learn from the errors of their ways. Those where they know there might be consequences, they will lie to cover up their lies, through instinct to deny others reality and to keep denying others their reality, so people don’t take action that doesn’t suit the narcissist.

Types of lies based on the nine characteristics of the disorder.

1. Entitlement. They will lie to influence others. “I’m really looking forward to coming home to see you.” They’re not they just want you to believe they are, to idealise you, to love bomb you, to make you feel special and loved, so you shower them with affection, attention and support. Exaggeration and manipulation “I own the ex’s house and have to pay all mortgage and bills as they’re too lazy to work, and I have to support the children.” often they do not they just want you to believe they are a genuine, kind, loving person, they want you to feel sorry for them, not realising they are financially abusing you, as to you they are doing the right thing by their children, in reality, they are often not paying the ex anything. They are paying you nothing. They just enjoy living rent-free in your mind and your home. As they believe they are entitled to do so. ”I would never cheat, my ex cheated on me, and I know how horrible it is.” Influencing you to trust in them, when in reality they are telling you everything they are about to do to you as they feel entitled to lie about their past, to get their needs met in the present.

2. Arrogance, When you ask them a question about something, and it can be something as simple as how was your day, down to calling them out on their behaviour, as they believe you’ve questioned their authority. They can just stay quiet, not giving you the truth, just saying nothing at all, leaving you wondering if they’re ok, if you’ve hurt their feelings. They will lie by giving you the silent treatment. So you question your behaviour and work harder to please them. As they believe they are more important than you, and they are proud of their behaviour, they see it as you questioning their authority.

3. Exploit. They will lie by gaslighting, saying. “That never happened.” (When it did.) To get you to question reality, or. “I told you last week. You must be losing your mind.” They didn’t tell you anything last week. It’s all to gaslight you, so you question your own memory, causing cognitive dissonance within your mind, so you start questioning yourself, once they have you questioning your own thoughts, feelings and opinions, doubting reality and doubting yourself, it’s easier for them to manipulate and exploit you, to get their needs met.

4. Grandiose. They will lie by exaggerating the truth to make them look better than they are, any achievements they will exaggerate, as they see no problem in making themselves look better, as they believe they are better. We can mistake that arrogance for confidence, wanting to be around those who are comfortable with themselves, not understanding, it’s just their attention-seeking face, as they put the grand act on to pretend to be someone they are not.

5. Jealousy and envy. To gain attention. ” They only got the promotion because they sucked up to the boss. I’m the one that works harder.” They don’t. They just want to cover for how lazy they are. “Why are you wearing that?” Some will even buy clothes for you, that you wouldn’t usually wear, as they know their capabilities, they don’t want to lose their investment until they’ve drained you.

6. Lack of empathy. They will lie to play victim to gain sympathy. They lie to use your empathy against you. “My ex treated me horribly, we are no longer together, but I’m struggling to leave because of the children.” or ”my ex is jealous and will not let me see the children.” the worst part is things like, where they can not see their children could be true. They just miss out the part they played, So pull out the parental alienation card to gain your sympathy, yet they’ll not tell you how they, let the children down, messed with the children minds and the other parent woke up and at all costs protected to children. As the ex is doing this, and with the narcissists lies, it can look like the ex is jealous. Parents will say things like. ”my child has no respect for me.” so people feel sorry for them, they miss out the part that in reality, the child realised they were raised by a narcissist and broke free.

7. Preoccupied with their own power. They will lie by telling you something they did, but not telling you the whole Story. “ I’ve got to work late.” They may well be working late, but they’ll leave out the part that after work they went to meet someone. They will lie with admitting partial truths, “I’ve been to see person A.” They may well have been to see them, and they’ll not tell you what they’ve actually been doing with that person. So you know where they have been, and as they’ve told you part of the story, which is truth, you don’t want to question the other part, primarily as the narcissist will lie to you and reinforce within your mind that “you’re insecure.” As their actions are having an impact on your instincts, so those insecurities are your instincts trying to warn you. The narcissist makes it sound like a bad thing that you’re insecure as they’re not going to admit fault and say. “You know what you’re right. You’re insecure because I’m lying to you.”

7. They will lie by blame-shifting. “If you were a loving person that gave me what I needed, I wouldn’t have to go elsewhere.” leaving you to focus more on improving your behaviour and less on what they’ve actually done. Things like. “If you hadn’t.” So you focus more on your behaviour from the past to work harder in pleasing them. While downplaying of making excuses for their behaviour in the present, with their lie of “If only you.” Even if you did, it wouldn’t stop them doing what they want to do.

9. A belief they are special. They will deflect lie, by twisting it onto something similar you have done. “ well you went out with person A last week I’ve no idea what you got up to, I just trust you.” Making you doubt yourself for questioning them in the first place. As they believe they should be allowed to do as they please, without having to answer to anyone, which is valid with good intentions, people are allowed to do as they please without having to answer to others, with a narcissists intentions, it because they believe they are above others. Their actions often hurt those around them.

Why do they lie?

They lie to Control. As you most likely already know a narcissist is all about control, they want and need to be in control. They feel entitled to be in control of those around them and all life events when they are not getting what they want. They will blame others, to them, life is against them, and if it weren’t for someone else, they would be achieving the success they believe they deserve. They don’t think they should work at it, they believe it should be handed to them, those who do work for it will exploit others to miss a few steps on their way up.

If we feel controlled by outside events, especially when mass smear campaigns hit, we see ourselves as helpless, the victim and the “Why is this happening to me?” Or “Why are they doing this?” Once we take back control of our lives, those outside situations no longer impact us. Without our own internal control, we take on the responsibility, of the happiness, of those around us, in reality, we are responsible for how we feel only, and others are responsible for how they feel. As narcissists Lie, Gaslight, Intimidate and Invalidate us, we slowly lose control of our minds and our lives, not knowing what is truly happening to us, and trying our best to please others, not understanding that as nice as it is to help others, it’s all about helping those who a willing and able to help us, walk away from those who are not, also that it’s ok to be selfish and put our own needs first, with good intentions there is no wrong way or right way to live your life only your way.

The oxygen mask on the plane, yes it seems selfish putting it on yourself first. If you put it on the wrong person first, they will then leave you to it, put it on the right person first, your oxygen levels might run too low, but they would help you, put it on yourself first. You will be able to run at your best to help others, even those who don’t deserve or appreciate the help, Boundaries are a must, knowing when to say yes, and when to say no, if saying yes to someone else is them saying no to you, it needs to be a no to that other person, compromise yes, if it’s all their way, you have every right to turn around and go your way.

Trust your instincts, if what someone is telling you doesn’t feel right to you, leave them to it, and go your own way.

Narcissists have that black and white thinking, to them it’s either good or bad, there is no room for mistakes or errors in judgment, to them, it is all or nothing. They can only see things as either good or bad, as they themselves as everything must be perfect to suit them, they place all blame onto others for situations or problems they might have caused, without cognitive reflection they can not look back to see what might have done that led up to a bad situation and without empathy they can not see how someone else might be feeling, most have cognitive understanding of empathy so they can think how others think, and use this against them with emotional blackmail, yet, they simply can not put themselves into someone else’s shoes, to feel or care how they are making someone feel.

This is why most will Project all their failures and faults onto others, as to them they are entitled. They are superior, any mistakes made, or any achievements missed, they will place that blame onto someone else, being around this on a continued basis leaves us feeling like we are at fault, as all the projection is slowly drip-fed into our minds, also why we are somewhat too forgiving as we can see the good in them, those times they do treat us right, often with all the blame-shifting when the bad comes out, we are led to believe this to be our fault, it is never your fault.

Narcissist learns through life that to them, it’s far easier to lie than, than to tell the truth, often ending up believing their own lies to be the reality.

They are like a three-year-old caught red-handed with a bag of sweets you told them they couldn’t eat until after tea, yet while still eating these sweets blaming their siblings for getting them, or pretending they didn’t hear you say no, or they’re sure you said yes. Most people feel guilty and learn to grow out of this, a narcissist is a toddler, throwing lies and tantrums in an adults body.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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Future faking.

Mirroring.

Lies to keep you trapped.

Nine phrases.

No Contact Mistakes.

Going no contact sounds easy, yet most of us make the same common mistakes, making it harder than it is.

No contact is simply no contact in any way, shape or form, so why can this step in recovery seem like another hurdle?

Our beliefs play a massive role in going no contact, a belief that others care, that others can understand if only we explain it another away, beliefs to being kind to others, not understanding, just as we are allowed our beliefs others are allowed theirs. As much as it provokes our emotions when people don’t understand ours, or try to change ours, it can cause feelings in others. Everyone is allowed their own beliefs. We don’t have to agree, that’s what makes us individuals, with good intentions there’s no wrong way or right way to live your life. Just because we don’t agree, doesn’t mean we have to force someone to agree with us, this only causes conflict, anger and resentment, we can agree to disagree, and those who can not, we can safely walk away. The belief they can be good, as we live a reality when they do treat us well, their admiration face, their attention-seeking face when they flatter us, offer false promises, that was real we lived those moments then when their envious face strikes out we live that moment too, however with their gaslighting of us, then their false apology, our belief that they can be nice, can leave us trapped with someone who can also treat us how we should never be treated.

Guilt, they’re my mum/dad, they raised me, what about the children? Fear from what they might do, or the people who you might be cut off from, judgment from others. These are all good emotions when used correctly when that empathy stops us from hurting others, nevertheless when the others hurt us, those very emotions that are designed to stop us hurting others only end up hurting ourselves, keeping us locked in the pain of the past. That fear that serves to protect us in most situations can keep us trapped in dangerous places. You do have to find a safe way out.

Most of the time, we don’t even realise we are being abused, most abusers will create an environment of insecurity, instability, confusion and fear, they will withhold affection, attention and support, to destroy our beliefs, our boundaries, our self-esteem, so they gain full power and control over us, all while telling us they love us, bringing their admiration face back out, and treating us well, having good times with us, we live those moments. Those moments give us that hope that they can be a kind, loving person. Yet, we at the same time for fear of reactions from them, fear of them getting angry with us, or fear of abandonment, change who we are. Change our beliefs to suit them, beliving through their manipulation that we caused them to mistreat us, abuse is abuse their is no excuse, it’s never your fault, they are responsible for their own behaviour.

We can begin to shut down and hide our real selves, as when we are ourselves around a narcissist they invalidate us with “Are you going to wear that?” Or “You look bad in that.” Causing us to doubt ourselves. The same with our true feelings, we begin to hide them, through fear or being misunderstood, or causing an argument, as often when we try to express our feelings to a narcissist, they will gaslight us with ”You’re too sensitive.” We give up on our opinions for fear of causing an argument, of them giving us the silent treatment. We slowly lose who we are to please the narcissist. Mental abuse is often a subtle form of abuse by the narcissist coercive controlling us, and it’s gradually training us on how we should behave.

Most often subconsciously, we will then end up walking on eggshells around not only the narcissist, others too, believing we are protecting ourselves from judgment or further abuse, as we’re left full of self-doubts. Usually, when we still can not work out the situation that we are in, that we are indeed being abused, and we are slowly losing your own values, beliefs and boundaries.

No contact isn’t easy, when we’ve been gaslighted, when we are left with anxiety and little confidence, self-doubt, hope, fear, thinking everything is our fault, apologising to others all the time, no longer feeling how we used to feel, making excuses for others behaviour, feeling isolated, lost and hopeless, making it’s increasing difficult to make our own life choices.

No contact mistakes.

1. Not starting no contact, because we think it’s unkind. No contact is not to punish them; some people put off going no contact, due to the guilt they feel or asking themselves. ”Am I the narcissist?” their silent treatment is to punish as they felt criticism or you didn’t do, as they say, your no contact is to free yourself.

Going no contact isn’t about controlling them, Punishing them, or getting them to do what you want them to do, going no contact is placing healthy boundaries around yourself.

2. Ignoring and blocking for a few days in the hopes they’ll see your point of view and take on board your thoughts and feelings, in the hope that they have a personality transplant and genuinely love and care for you, they have a disorder, it’s who they are, it did not start with you, it will not end with you, when they are repeatedly cruel, hurtful and destructive, then play nice, they play nice because they want something from you, those good times are lived because life is going their way, not because they have changed, those mistakes they keep making is who they are, they don’t want to nor will they change, real change is changed behaviour which they can not do permanently as they don’t believe they are the problem, as they lack in those cognitive reflection skills.

3. leaving it open for them to contact you, and you just decide if you want to react or not, you need to block and delete on everything.

4. leaving them on your social media to show them how happy your new life is, or unblocking them. Checking their social media, this is only ever going to trigger emotional pain in you, and when you reach the point it doesn’t, you wouldn’t be checking anyway.

5. giving their friends or family information about you, or what’s happening, in the hope they’ll talk sense to the narcissist, even if they believed you over them, they would not be able to talk sense into a narcissist.

6. Giving them a 30-day break to learn the error of their ways, although it has been know to get some started on no contact, just don’t expect a narcissist to learn from the error of their ways and come back, they’re only going to come back to use you for something, and most will punish you for failing silent on them.

7. Thinking you can ask the narcissist to stop bothering you, first if they know they’re getting to you, they’ll do it more. Second, part of the disorder is a sense of entitlement, dominance, a belief they are special and a lack of empathy. Therefore they’re not interested in how you feel or what you think. They’re interested in exploiting others and controlling others to get their needs met. Some narcissists will take you asking them to stop bothering you as criticism of their sense of entitlement and belief they are special. They might take this as a challenge to smear your name all the more and do their best to destroy you.

When they can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you.

A narcissist thrives of conflict and drama, they don’t care for your boundaries, a narcissist doesn’t care for you well being, your boundaries, or your beliefs, they’re not interested in what you want, and they are going to do, exactly what they want to do.

8. Wanting them to understand your point of view, it’s normal to want to explain our intentions to others, to try and reach an understanding, or compromise with others. It’s more than tempting when they come at you, or you hear from their flying monkeys what they’ve said about you, to want to defend yourself, this is only ever going to play into their hands, as the narcissist will twist the story to play the hero or the victim and make you out to be the villain, the best thing you can do is step to one side and no longer play. Eventually, the narcissist will trip over their own words.

We do not need to tell others how they should treat us, that is on them and their beliefs, we need to tell ourselves how we want to be treated. If someone is unwilling or unable to treat us with the compassion we deserve, we need to say to ourselves that we’re no longer going to allow it. Yes, it can make you feel mean, it can make you feel guilt, narcissists will very often use emotional blackmail, to pull you back in, ”After all I’ve done for you?” ”What will people think of you?” ”How can you do this to me.” and survivors can say these when they’ve been discarded, who are trauma bonded and want them back, survivors will have bent over backwards to help the narcissist, with a narcissist when you think about what they’ve done for you, it is often very little positive and a whole load of negative. Don’t let them use your emotions against you.

Your mind controls your emotions, and you control your mind.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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No contacthttps://youtu.be/lAjay4ta0rY.


Games to watch out for when you go no Contact. https://youtu.be/lAjay4ta0rYt.

Mind Games Narcissists Might Play After No Contact.

What games to look out for when you go no contact.

Be it an ex-partner, friend, boss or parent, as the narcissist personality disorder is a disorder, and to be on the spectrum they need at least five of the nine characteristics, meaning those on the disorder are motivated by very similar thoughts and feelings. When we don’t have the awareness, knowledge or understanding, we just don’t know, however when we do see. We can see just how predictable their behaviour is so that we can stay one step ahead of their games, by no longer questioning their games, by stepping to one side and staying out of them. Letting them live their life while we live ours.

This is incredibly difficult at the start, as our emotions are running high, we might have trauma bonding, our attachment system is open to them, our object consistency, our human needs taking us back to painful places we are not meant to be.

Part of the disorder is a lack of empathy, so those moments when it seems like they just don’t care? They don’t, which is why they can come at us with hurtful twisted games, they feel entitled, so those moments when they’re doing all they can to get their own way, is because they believe they are special, they are preoccupied with getting their own needs met, thinking they are entitled and deserving of special attention. They feel criticism when those around them don’t agree. Therefore they will exploit people to get their needs met. They will hurt people, and sabotage people as they feel resentful and they hold a grudge.

Whether they discarded you, or you ended the relationship with them. As a narcissist gaslights to distort our reality, they use, fear, obligation or guilt to manipulate and all this causes that brain fog so we can no longer think clearly, we blame ourselves and have emotional outbursts, full of self-doubt, questioning if we are enough, which is most understandable after being in this kind of relationship with the things they put us through. When we work through the painful past and start doing all the right things, no contact if we can, limited contact and grey rock if you can not, rising above, not reacting and only responding if needed, staying out of the arguments, observing not absorbing, working on you, turning inward and healing your wounds, working towards new dreams and new goals. You are trying your best to move on with your own life without toxic people bringing you down.

Yet when you do finally break free, it seems like the relationship was the calm before the storm, when we get the courage and strength to break free, or when the pain of staying seems greater than the pain of leaving. We leave, and then all hell seems to break loose, it’s devastating and draining. The narcissist appears just to be coming at you with game after game, it can be exhausting and so hard as they keep dragging you into the past, or fearful of your future, while you just worked all that out or trying to work it all out, and you wish to leave it all in the past and move on.

During the relationship the narcissist learned all they needed to about you, they know all your weaknesses and your insecurities, and all your strengths, the things you care about the most, and they’re going to use each and everyone against you now to try and bring you down. They remember your emotional triggers, your pain and your fears and they will use them against you why we have to do the inner work of healing these so they can no longer use them against us.

When a narcissist wants you back or wants revenge, they will throw all they can at you.

No one throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist whose lost control of someone else mind.

When they come at you, if they start nice, you might think back to. “If only I had done this or if I hadn’t done that.” the toxic words they often gaslighted into our subconscious.

You might still be weaning yourself off them like the comedown from a highly addictive drug. The more games they throw, the more your mind gets stuck in the past with them, do they miss me? To what are they going to do next?

If you’ve broken up before and tried to stay free you might notice they have a pattern of tantrums they go around, the more you go no contact and don’t respond, the more some will escalate, once they have tried them all the might circle back to the start.

Some are lazy and will leave you alone for the most part, and some will have plenty of other sources and just go all out to hurt you. It all depends on the narcissist you were tangled up with.

A narcissist feeds of excitement, drama, and control.

Ways they get to you.

1. Announce they ended the relationship with you, and get their flying monkeys or enablers to make sure you find out. You will have most likely spit up a few times in the past, if this time was your choice to end it, you might notice that the narcissist is telling people it was them to leave you and how crazy you are. This might trigger and unhealed abandonment issues. Or that understandably, you want people to know the truth, you want to be heard and understood. It might cause your feelings of anger and resentment, which is normal.

How to handle.

Stop and refocus, know and own your own truth, don’t go trying to make your point. You know the truth, we don’t need to be tit for tat on who finished with who, yes it can feel like it knocks out that sense of pride and ego that you finally made it out. Still, all you need to focus on is the main fact that you are out, be proud of that, be proud of you, what others think or believe is not for you, know your own truth. And focus on the fact that you are now free, don’t get drawn into the battle of who ended with who, focus on you’re out.

2. Opening a conversation up, They might deposit some. Money into your bank, message through social media. They might send you a message about a memory of a great time you had together, to bring up the good, to pull on your heartstrings, with a “Do you remember when? I miss those times do you?” and all the rest, when we do our best not to respond, some will then up the games. They might start with the fact they have never felt this way about anyone before, now part of you might be pleased that the shoe is finally on the other foot, yet it also confuses you and makes you start to believe perhaps they do care? Yet still, you do not respond. They might keep going, and at some point, you could respond with a simple “we are over.” Or give an explanation as you’re feeling bad, not responding, caring that you might be hurting their feelings. When you do respond the narcissist has what they wanted contact. You might then get more pity plays off. “I can not live without you.” “You said you’d always love me.” “I need you and want us back together.” This potentially can open your empathy and attachment more, and you might respond more in-depth, wanting to explain yourself, giving away the fact you did love them, that you care for others, and it’s ok to care. Just don’t let the wrong people know you do, or take advantage of the fact you do. Once they have a response, the narcissist then has something to work from to pull on your heartstrings, your emotions and use your empathy against you. Now they will try to open up a full conversation with you, and you’ve been sucked straight back into the vortex of doom and gloom. If memory doesn’t work, they might go for the pity play, and some will even fake illnesses within themselves or the children, they might try jealousy, they will try and try until they find something that gets your attention, if they don’t get your attention, they might go after the things you care about the most, as these are the things you’ll most passionately defend.

How to handle.

Write down the abuse and the bad things that happened to you within the relationship. Every time you start to doubt yourself and think of responding, look at it and remember just how manipulative they are. If you break no contact or begin to answer, just stop responding and start no contact again. Don’t focus on the slip-up; focus on you will succeed this time.

3. The emergency. They might come to you with a crisis, pulling your empathy of wanting to help people, they might claim to have an illness knowing you’ll want to help and would feel guilty for not doing so.

How to handle.

Remember first this is possibly a complete lie, second, if it’s true, you can not help them, you’ve tried too many times before and it will only ever hurt you, they’ll get help if they need it.

Ask yourself. How many times has that person truly helped me with good intentions? Work on you and leave them to it, do not get drawn into the games. When a narcissist promises to change, they will change just long enough to suck you back in, and then once you are back in, they will punish you for making them, offer that false apology, chase you, seek therapy as in their minds it’s all your fault. They do not change, only their lies, their manipulation or their partner, never themselves.

4. The smear campaign, possibly one of their most hideous games after no contact. Abuse by proxy, damaging property, smearing your name, having flying monkeys or enablers come at you, dragging you through the court. Changing passwords on your social media. Hurting those you love, threats, financial abuse again through courts or stealing from you, stalking you, hurting you and trying to destroy you any way they can.

They want to punish you for walking free, as they believe you’ve criticised their entitlement for having control over you. Also, as the project and believe in their reality that what they did to you, you did to them they want revenge. If you’ve had to take the children no contact because they are not safe around the narcissist, the narcissist will blame you to all others, and if you do not let them pick children up when it suits the narcissist and allow them to ignore children when it suits, they will blame you as to why they don’t have them. They are never accountable or responsible, to them the faults within themselves and their lives are always someone else fault. They want your attention, and a lot enjoy the court system as they can be the star of the show and remind themselves that they still exist to you.

How to handle.

Don’t ask why me? What will they do next? They’re still controlling me. This keeps our minds locked in and our emotions running high, our lives in hypervigilance, with our anxiety running high, and yes their games are hiddious. But we have the power to control our minds. It’s a learning curve. It takes time and work. Still, we can achieve this. They are doing these things because they’ve lost control and want to regain it, they want to keep dragging you into their drama, to validate themselves, they’re doing this because they’ve lost control, by you dealing with each storm as it comes, you’re taking back control, and these storms will pass.

If it’s court and the clown wants to drag you to the circus, prepare and learn to become the ringmaster, focus on the outcome you need and get as much support and backing as you can, get rest and take care of yourself. Pull away when you get drawn in, heal any wounds, look at your actual reality and beliefs, look for the opportunities, for example, if it’s divorce focus on what is rightfully yours and stand firm, children if you had a belief that children should always see the other parent, focus on the fact that’s only the case if the other parent is safe to look after them, look for the positives on how well the children are doing without them, how the children’s’ anxiety and attachment is healing, look at it as the last bit of the puzzle and finally getting closure, they are not looking for compromise they are looking to win, write the outcome you want and go all out to get it. If they are smearing your name leave them to it, don’t play their game, they want you to defend yourself, so they can twist it and use you against you, instead give them nothing, focus on you, don’t get drawn into the battle, the truth will out far quicker. If you have to scream and cry it out at the start do so, then you’ll not carry the pain with you, just don’t let the narcissist know. Write down any triggers and heal them within.

5. The new relationship. Most move on fast with a new person.

Nobody Falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs someone to live.

Most often a narcissist will jump straight into another relationship, to prove to themselves they can make a relationship work until that one fails, to which they’ll blame the other person and move onto another. All too often they make sure you know they’re with someone new, their need for attention, their need to show others that they are special, their need to dominate and be in control, to exploit others to get their needs met, some will even move in with someone close to where you live. If they believe they are losing control over you, they’ll have a backup or three waiting. They will go all out to flaunt this to you, to try and cause your pain and trauma, they will be looking like the happiest loved up a couple you ever met, to leave you questioning what was wrong with me? Where’s my dream gone? What’s so special about them? Some even move them into your home, while your side of the beds still warm. Playing happy families with your children?

How to handle.

Don’t try to get into a new relationship fast yourself; it will only hurt you more. Don’t try to warn the new, and they are being idealised, mirrored and sold the dream that you once were, they’ll not listen to you, if they come to you when it becomes their nightmare you can help, other than that stay out of it, you need to heal you, so outside situations no longer affect you on the inside. Cry it out, scream it out, know the narcissist is only doing to them what they did to you and work on loving who you are.

6. Leaving belongings behind or keeping yours as a way of staying in touch with you. As they feel entitled to swing by when they like to collect their stuff, and they feel entitled to keep yours.

How to disarm.

If they are yours try to get someone else to get them, if at all possible let them go and move on, if it’s theirs, return them, remove from your home and give them back, leave at their home and take a photo and send, or deliver to a friend of theirs.

7. The false apology and false promises that they will change. They might go for long deep conversation and offer to see councillors, work on their issues, get themselves help and want your support. They are pulling you in on your empathy towards others. It can be hard to resist as it goes against your nature to walk away and not help them. They might go for the future faking, where they will promise that home, that marriage, the children, a narcissistic boss might offer that pay rise, to be a parent that’s there for you, one can turn to so that it gives you the false hope.

How to handle.

Don’t fall for their manipulation and lies. You need to heal you, remember how many other times they’ve promised a change only to cause you more pain. Focus on the fact you can not help them, you’ve tried so many times just to get further hurt if they want to go get help, it’s none of your business, focus on how many times they said they would, then didn’t and claimed ”I never said that.” when you know full well they did, remember how they lie to you, confuse you, and blame it all on you. Leave them to it and focus on helping yourself. It did not start with you, and it will not end with you.

9. They might get with your new partners’ ex to play games, especially if you all have children.

  • Try to avoid them finding out about your new life in the first place, if they do this, then there will be a storm you have to ride out until the narcissist gets fed up and leaves them for someone new. Get a good support network in place, people who understand what you’ve been through, get reality checks from good people if you are struggling to give them yourself.

If you can ignore all attempts for communication if the children still see them, limited contact and are incredibly dull.

Unfollow on social media, they will post things to trigger you.

Be careful about mutual friends, it’s hard, but you might need to remove some from your life.

Stick with no contact, stick to observe don’t absorb if you can go no contact, retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so. Keep working on who you are, creating new routines and new dreams for you.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

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For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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