A narcissist’s rage is a fit of intense, uncontrollable anger with aggression when their face turns bitter red, fist clenched, and the eyes go with that look of malice or contempt, that stare of hatred that can make you freeze on the spot. ￼
Anger is a common emotion that most of us usually feel when there is some form of annoyance or displeasure. We can often cry when we’ve been hurt, exploited, mistreated. We can feel defensive, racing heart, saying things that we don’t mean, often feeling remorseful and guilty afterwards and then making it up to the narcissist￼.
Narcissists will provoke anger within us to cause that reactive abuse so that they can then shift the blame so they can remove any feelings of shame because we are the ones who are feeling accountable and responsible. We work harder to please the narcissist￼.
A narcissist will put you in many stressful situations and provoke feelings with us as such as.
- Frustration. ￼￼￼￼￼￼
When we are feeling this way, it is effortless for us to feel anger when narcissists provoke us. Our voices may change, we might get loud, we may cry, and we may say words that we regret.
Often this is all a narcissist needs to blame us. Saying that we are overreacting or that we have that we need help, ￼as we hold ourselves accountable for our behaviour, we believe them. This then distracts us from their behaviour, leaving us changing who we are and working harder to please them. ￼￼
The narcissist’s rage.
Rage is often disproportionate to the given situation. ￼
Rage is when a narcissist feels like we have questioned their reality, their self-serving illusion of entitlement, grandiosity superiority. It is for a moment brought into question of their actual reality versus ￼their illusion when they ￼feel inadequate, shame or vulnerable￼. They have to regain control feel better within themselves.
A narcissist often rages when. ￼￼￼
- They feel like their entitlement got questioned and then not getting their own way￼.
- They feel like their arrogance￼ was questioned, and it hurt their pride and ego. ￼
- They feel like their superiority their importance was questioned, and they need to be the centre of attention￼.
- They’ve been caught out on a lie or questioned about their behaviour with facts and evidence ￼again questioning their entitlement￼.
- They feel like their control over someone is slipping away
- They feel like they’ve been criticised in some way, questioning their grandiosity￼￼.
Anger is an emotion that is provoked within us from outside sources rage is often an emotion that comes from within to coerce people to conform to get people to conform to the narcissist behaviour so that people are walking on eggshells around them.
When a narcissist rages, they can become explosive, they can be extremely insulting they can throw things. They can punch things, topple over TVs, burn photos, throw their plates on the floor, ￼ they can become passive-aggressive the sulks, the silent treatment. ￼￼￼￼
What can you do?
It is that catch 22 with a narcissist where you will be dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t￼￼. What keeps them calm one day will set them off another. What set them off one day will keep them calm the next.
- Remember that their rage isn’t anything to do with you. They might try and project onto you that it is, rather than taking it personally, keep it external, observe their behaviour and remember that it is on them.
- Empathise with them from a safe distance. They cannot control who they are. However, ￼it doesn’t mean you have to support it. By supporting them, we enable them by stepping away from them. We are not telling them how to behave. We are allowing them to live their lives, while we go our separate ways to live￼￼￼￼￼ ours.
- Don’t argue. They just turn it around on to you you’ll feel guilt, the remorse and the more you want to help them, you cannot help anyone doesn’t see that their own behaviour as an issue, You can learn to control your reactions to their actions.
- Don’t expect an apology from them. If you’re lucky enough to get one, they don’t mean it. It’s just to exploit you some more to meet the needs of their own, often say I’m sorry you, I’m sorry but, I’m sorry if, when we forgive them their behaviour usually gets worse.
- No contact or if that’s not possible and limited contact and grey rock.
- Stay in your own truth. Remember, their rage is on them. Don’t let them provoke anger within you￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼.
Anger and resentment.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.