To be on the spectrum of the narcissist personality disorder, people would need at least five of the nine characteristics—one of those Requires excessive admiration, identity often comes from borrowed dreams of those around them, needing a constant supply of attention to regulating their self-esteem.
The others are:-
- A sense of entitlement.
- Lack of empathy.
- Preoccupation with their ideal.
- Believe they are special
Signs someone requires excessive admiration. They don’t always do it in an overtly obvious way. Some covert methods are to purposefully play down their achievements around others in order to get those around them to raise them up.
- Pointing out achievements.
- Fishing for compliments.
- Only doing because they want, expect demand praise.
- Causing conflict, drama, arguments.
- Goading to gain reactions from others.
- Blaming others.
- Making others feel guilty.
- Being controversial just to provoke reactions.
- Complaining often.
- Playing the victim.
A narcissist will happily talk about themselves, and what they have achieved, often only listening to you in the beginning stages of the relationship in order to exploit you, once they have the information they need it’s all about them, they’ve worked hard, they’ve done more. ”After all, I’ve done for you.” guilt trips and those. ”Remember when I.” as you’re expected by them to be eternally grateful, for anything they’ve done for you and things they haven’t even done for you.
They will do something for someone in order to make someone feel obligated to do for them. They will flatter others in order to receive a compliment back. They will pull themselves down in order to get others to raise them up. However, the narcissist will rarely raise others up; they’ll pull others down to feel better about themselves. Only raising others up to exploit them.
Narcissists will set the environment, they’ll cause conflict between people, through various triangulation tactics, in order to divide and conquer, and get everyone going to the narcissist for information, the narcissist will enjoy causing arguments between others, while they run around playing the hero.
Whatever goes wrong in a narcissists life is always someone else fault, they will project. A narcissists projection is a mix of their manipulative Gaslighting and their manipulative Blame-shifting. As they go all out distracting you from the truth, as they do their best to cover the truth with their distorted lies, as they hide the truth of their toxic, hurtful, negative behaviour from you and those around you. At the same time they get you to doubt and blame yourself and take on the responsibility of the narcissist actions, they get you to defend yourself to them for how you think of feel due to their hurtful ways, so they escape accountability, so they remain in control, and so they get away with their actions time and time again.
If they feel attention slipping, they can future fake, but put that grand act on of superiority, they can gossip about others to deceive people from what they actually do, as the narcissist will act like they are above the behaviour of those around them, even though they themselves are behaving in that way, yet gaslighting others into not seeing they narcissist for who they are.
They will raise people up in order to get their needs met in the present, narcissists will fail to deliver on promises they’ve made, yet somehow shift the blame to make you question yourself and not them.
Narcissists will guilt-trip people into putting the needs of the narcissist before their own, through things like ”if you loved me you would.” they’ll fake an illness to get support, to pull on peoples sympathy, to exploit others for their caring nature.
If you don’t validate their achievements in the right way, they can rage, and claim you’re selfish. They can sulk and go on the silent treatments.
As they feel entitled, they’ll complain if they feel like their needs aren’t getting met, ”if you’d have made it like that, done it like this, acted like that.” A Narcissist will say “if you’d have paid me more attention, I wouldn’t need to go elsewhere.” Often they themselves believe this, as they feel entitled to getting attention, and no matter how much attention you give, they will always be wanting more.
Narcissists admiration is like a newborn baby crying for a feed. It’s normal and natural for the baby it’s how they let people know they require food, you give them milk it comforts them. They use the food up, their tummy drains, and they need more, it’s draining for a new mother or father. However, you love and care so provided, until, over time, they grow and learn to feed and eventually provide for themselves.
A narcissist is always going to play hero or victim, throw tantrums, or show off to get attention, once received they’re happy for a short time. However, they only learn they need more, and they only learn how to manipulate others to get their own selfish needs met.
Why do narcissist seek to ruin? The admiration seeking narcissist.
No contact is always the best method when dealing with narcissistic people, not always possible if that’s the case grey rock, limited communication is the best way forward, lower your expectations of their ability to understand you, to care for you and to communicate honestly and openly with you, while learning your standards of behaviour you will and will not accept from people.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.