The term flying monkeys comes from the movie The Wizard of Oz, where the wicked witch sent out her flying monkeys to do her dirty work for her.
Flying monkeys are people who act on behalf of the narcissist towards a third party. It’s abuse by proxy when a narcissist can no longer control you, feels envious of you or feels threatened by you in some way, fears you might expose them or do better than them, so they seek to control how those around you see you.
The narcissist can recruit friends, family, work colleagues, authorities. Many a narcissist will play the victim and recruit people under the pretence that they are the victim, not for help or support, they do it with the sole intentions to destroy other people’s reputation, those with compassion or empathy would not be able to do this, as they would be willing to recognise how they would feel if someone did this to them, however, a narcissist does not care for how it makes any other person feel so long as they are staying ahead in their games.
Flying monkeys are often naive people who don’t fully understand the situation they are entering, or they’ve been convinced, brainwashed by the narcissist into believing the narcissist is morally in the right. Flying monkeys can be people who’ve been loved bombed into believing everything the narcissist says, or they feel gratitude for things the narcissist has done for them, so they feel obligated to help the narcissist bring down another, as they’ve been sold the illusion that the other person is the toxic one and not the narcissist. Flying monkeys can be those who fawn to a narcissist behaviour through fear of what the narcissist will do to them if, for whatever reason, they don’t do as the narcissist says. Flying monkeys can be those who just gossip, and the narcissist knows who’s most likely to spread rumours faster.
A narcissist will, lie, deny, deflect, start rumours or blame shift. They’ll cause feelings of obligation within others. They will create some form of controversy. They will set the environment in order to get people to question another’s motives, reputation or character so that they can bring the other person down. They will gaslight their flying monkeys into threatening, stalking, harassing, outcasting, gossiping.
The narcissist will often bait the intended target into reacting or responding in some way, or it can be someone who just had a difference of opinion.
A Narcissist does this to remain in control, so they can make out that it’s you who in the wrong, it’s you who’s crazy, toxic, needs help, to deflect from the very things they do to you, and to gain sympathy, attention and support from those around them.
What can you do.
1. If at all possible ignore the gossip and focus on you, your actions speak louder than the narcissist words, by you walking away from the conflict and drama, the gossips go away a lot faster, it’s not easy, human nature to want to defend ourselves, right a wrong, find justice, our justice is in our peace, we don’t fight fire with fire, so we can not fight gossip by adding more words to the mix, we fight most fire’s with water to put the flames out. We fight gossip by showing with our actions who we indeed are.
2. With some, you will need to leave well alone. However, you’ll need to gather as much evidence as you can, and you might need to seek help from the authorities.
3. If people come to you with gossip or for gossip, don’t play the game, leave them to find out the truth for themselves, allow people to believe in what they want to believe. It’s not our job to change people’s opinions with words. It’s our job to stay true to our opinions. In contrast, we allow others to carry their own. There are those who can agree to disagree and let life teach them, and those who have to threaten, intimidate and force people to agree, and if they disagree, they outcast them. These are not our people. These are self-entitled, exploiting people with a lack of empathy to care for who they use up in their vendetta against the world.
4. Remember you can not control what the narcissist does, you can not control what the narcissists flying monkeys thinks of you, just work on talking to yourself kindly, those who judge have their own insecurities, those who cling to gossip have their own faults, don’t blame the flying monkeys, most are unwittingly under the narcissist’s spell, with the narcissists poison infecting them like a virus, they are being manipulated just like you once were, do not judge them, just leave them be.
5. Talking to those who’ve lived it, who understand you and can reassure you. Write down the reality of it all and stick to the real reality, the truth.
The narcissists baiting you into their smear campaign.
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