Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
As the word narcissist is becoming more we’ll know, some are claiming it’s been thrown around too much, research suggests one in five are on the spectrum of the disorder, meaning most of us will have unwittingly being involved with a narcissist at some point in our lives, this could be friends, work Colleagues, parents, siblings, partners or bosses.
Someone can be confident, yet they are not a narcissist, someone can be successful yet they are not narcissistic, some people when genuinely hurt by someone’s actions or words can fall silent yet they are not narcissistic. A narcissistic person uses the silent treatment as a form of mental torture to get others to doubt themselves, blame themselves and beg for forgiveness for something they didn’t even do.
There are nine characteristics of the narcissist personality disorder and people need to have at least five of these to be on the disorder. Some narcissistic people are extremely good at hiding these, some are not, most can not hide them from their partners.
1. Arrogance And Domineering.
They have a proud and sometimes unpleasant manner of being proud of who they are and all that they do, they believe they are far better and above all others, they believe their reality as fact, they believe they are always right even when faced with evidence proving otherwise. They have an exaggerated opinion of themselves, their abilities and their achievements.
Unjustly domineering of others, They have a strong tendency to take control over others without any thought to other people’s thoughts or feelings. The expect unquestionable obedience from others. They will bully, intimidate, pressures, oppress, dictate, and terrorise others to bend the other person’s will and break down their boundaries. Through gaslighting, projection, blame shifting, provoking and other manipulation tactics to take control over others.
Some victim narcissists are less obvious as they don’t always act in a grand manner, yet most narcissistic people will play victim at some point to gain attention. Deep down those who don’t show it and those who do show it feel within themselves far superior to all others, they believe their wisdom and talents are far above all others, some will use their body’s, others will use their minds, they can all use both, they believe others are insignificant and will do their best to make others feel insecure around them. To emphasise to themselves that they are superior to all others.
3. Preoccupied With Success And Power.
Not all successful people are narcissistic and not all narcissistic people are successful. As they have high expectations they never fail, if they do that will always be someone else’s fault, or they’ll have a valid excuse as to why That didn’t happen for them, again it’ll usually be someone else’s fault. They will lie or exaggerate any achievement and most often believe their own lies. Which makes them all the more convincing.
4. A Lack Of Empathy For All Others.
This is the most dangerous characteristic trait of a narcissistic person, this can be subtle and extremely hard to detect as they know how to act when needed, their lack of empathy is because of low emotional intelligence, meaning they do not get what others feel. they are unable to put themselves in another’s shoes, have an inability to truly love and care for any other person, have no true remorse or guilt. They will go through the motions when getting married, having a baby, or a death of someone who’s supposedly close to them, yet this is all an act, they do not know this is abnormal as they can only see how others act so put a mask on, they can not feel what others feel, some later in life when they’ve pushed everyone away might realise they don’t feel the same that others do.
5. A Belief They Are Unique And Special.
They believe they are one of a kind, that they are special and all others just don’t understand them. Thus making them believe others are inferior to them, and other people do not matter to them, they feel others don’t have the same things in common as them, often using other people’s passions as their own and passing them off as their own, which they can not keep up as it’s not who they truly are.
6. Requires Excessive Admiration.
They need people’s attention, negative or positive as they need to feel they are admired by other people, they want this either through love or through fear. They want respect, Praise and appreciation from other people. They need this to fill up their deep hidden lack of self-esteem that most are not even aware of within themselves.
They will use all situations and all people to meet a need of their own. They will take advantage of other people and situations by any means they can. They will take advantage of other people’s needs, wants and desires and they’ll also use their weaknesses against them. They will unfairly and clinically use people to profit, gain, further their advantage or comfort themselves in one or more of these ways, by being deceitful, underhand, calculated, selfish, illegal, ruthless, cruel. Cunning, sly, dishonest, crooked. They will step over all others to get their own needs met.
8. Envious and Jealous of others.
They have a deep feeling of resentment to other peoples luck, qualities, achievements, or possessions. They are never happy with what they have and always want more, they often believe that all others are out to get them and believe others are jealous and envious of them.
9. A Sense Of Entitlement.
They believe they have the right to anything and everything that they want. They believe they deserve special treatment and privileges, often why they get angry when kept waiting, or being ignored, they will use the silent treatment, rage and provoke others if they feel their entitlement has been criticised.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, they will use a weakness of the individual they are targeting, they will use their manipulation tactics to suit their needs and depending on the person they are trying to manipulate. As we have the malignant, grandiose, somatic, cerebral, overt and covert, the victim narcissist on the spectrum, some are far more dangerous than others and you need to stay well clear, others if you can manage your own state of mind and limit contact you don’t have to completely cut them off, just be careful they don’t infect your mind.