Rage is intense, uncontrollable anger, and aggression. When the narcissist’s eyes turn black and cold, their face might go red. Their fists might be clenched.
Anger is a common emotion we all have the capability of feeling, especially when people exploit us, lie to us, provoke us, dismiss us, let us down, hurt us, annoys us, treated us unjustly, many of us can feel our heart begin to race, we might cry, we might shout, we might at the moment say things we regret afterwards.
With a narcissist when they receive a narcissistic injury, their anger can seem extremely disproportionate to the situation, as a narcissist can be triggered by the slightest thing, real or perceived.
A narcissist will rage when their self serving illusion, their perception of themselves, one or more of their characteristics of their disorder is brought into question. When their grandiosity is questioned, when their sense of entitlement is questioned, when their belief that they are special is for a moment brought into their reality when their reality gap of who they sell themselves to be is hidden and who they are is brought into the moment. Their rage appears as they might feel things such as shame, humiliation, they might feel inadequate, so they rage, they intimidate to regain control of not only their reality but also ours, at least they try to control ours, why once they’ve raged they will manipulate to shift the blame for their behaviour into us, to escape any responsibility or consequences for their own actions. They rage to feel powerful and regain their sense of superiority.
What triggers narcissistic rage?
- When their entitlement gets brought into question. (Not getting their own way.)
- When their arrogance gets brought into question. ( when their ego or pride gets hurt.)
- When their belief, they are special gets brought into question. ( If they’re not the centre of attention.)
- When their exploitative behaviour gets brought into question. ( If they are caught out on their pathological lies.)
- When their envy gets brought into question. ( If they believe someone is doing better than them.)
- If their ideal is brought into question. ( when they fail to deliver on the things they promised to deliver.)
When a narcissist’s true character is questioned somehow, which is easily done as they go around many manipulative methods to hide their true selves from those around them, often getting caught up in their own lies, however as they believe they are right. Others are wrong. When their true characteristics are questioned, they believe others have turned against them. Therefore they rage as they hold a grudge against those who don’t see reality as the narcissist sees reality, against those who do well as the narcissist envy often means the narcissist believes the person doing well has in some way stolen from the narcissist. Therefore the narcissist seeks to sabotage others to feel better about themselves, often claiming, “if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t .” And many a narcissist believes this.
When their true characteristics are brought into question, they believe people have turned against them, are untrustworthy or have hurt them somehow. Their anger rises, and the narcissist rages.
A narcissist can pull others down to feel better about themselves. They can lie, deny, ignore or sulk to avoid being held responsible.
The narcissist’s rage can be explosive. It can be those outbursts of anger, name-calling, punching things, throwing items, aggression, talking over you, shouting, intimidating, or passive-aggressive, those sulks, silent treatments, forgetfulness, neglect, is to coercively control others into fawning out of fear from the narcissist’s reactions if they don’t walk on eggshells to please the narcissist.
What can you do?
- Don’t argue with them, don’t justify, defend or explain, don’t take the bait. As soon as they have your justification or explanation, they will use those against you to turn it onto you. As soon as you defend yourself, they’ll drag you through an argument where you don’t even know what happened, and the narcissist will tell you what happened. They’ll also claim it was all your fault.
- Lower your expectations of their understanding. They only see it from their way. If you don’t agree, they’ll turn it onto you until you do. ￼
- Don’t expect a genuine apology. Whether or not they are aware of their behaviour depends on the individual narcissist. However, no matter who the narcissist is, they lack empathy to care for how their behaviour affects others, only how others affect them.
- No contact with those who rage at you, then claims they did nothing to you while blaming you if you can not do no contact, limited contact and grey rock.
- Remember, your safety comes first.
Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.