Is the key to a narcissist’s soul, who they indeed are, within their eyes? Are their eyes trying to tell our instinct something?
Yes, they’ve learnt from others with empathy how to look at you with loving eyes, yet mostly it’s false. They usually have cognitive Empathy, meaning they can think empathetic, so they know what it looks like. They don’t feel empathetic, so they can not put themselves in another’s shoes to understand how someone else feels.
When you first met that narcissist and looked into their eyes, did you get drawn to them? Some sort of charm within those eyes and that smile that made you want to know more about them? Now, you most likely know they were just drawing you deeper in.
When you’re out at a party or with a group of friends with the narcissist, especially at the start, did you get that urge to look as if you felt someone was staring at you? When you turn to look, you spot the narcissist staring at you. Your instinct was telling you something, but you push it down and just think they must like you. Was it envy? Or was that stare them observing you, ready to mirror everything you do?
Or have they ever driven you to that moment of utter despair? You’re sat in front of them, pouring your heart out. Yet, you have the urge to look up for a moment, and you notice for the first time in a long time the narcissist’s eyes are on you, yet they have a strange sort of almost glint or delight in their eye. They almost have a smirk on their face, your instinct is trying to warn you, yet you shake it off as you think they care and are listening to you. In hindsight, you now know they were observing you, and they were getting a real kick out of those emotions.
When you’re having a Conversations With A Narcissist, yet when you’re talking, they don’t appear to be listening, they are either fixated on the TV or their phone, or they keep turning their head away, looking over your shoulder or theirs, or their eyes just look glazed over. If they do look your way, the eyes don’t seem to engage. Your instinct might speak up, yet again, you push it down. They must just be preoccupied, right?
Then, the rage one, ’The death stare.’ if you started the disagreement, or they started an Argument out of nowhere, did you stick up for yourself? Or do they just feel you criticised them in some way? But those eyes change. It’s not only a death stare, those who’ve witnessed it will know how difficult it is to explain, but it’s like some form of demonic influence out of the exorcist, or is it so much anger and rage inside them their pupils dilate to almost utter blackness? Giving them a look of an empty soul, or has their inner demon has taken over? More often than not, when the Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn, survival mode comes out in you. Most people are so chilled by this look, as the blanket of coldness covers you, it almost burns your inner soul. Your instinct screams, “Get out, run”, and yet that stare makes you freeze on the spot. Their stare is so toxic your body reacts in a survival mode. That’s what makes it so unnatural. Not only have they got the look of a non-existent, empty, emotionless soul, like they’ve been possessed, but the look can actually make you literally freeze on the spot. Not knowing what they are, some of you may run. Or, as you become more aware of when that looks coming, you turn and run before it fully appears. Often, you may hear them let out a strange, wicked laugh. You may even have flashbacks of that stare.
Unfortunately, we don’t always listen to that instinct. Either the full manipulation hasn’t started yet, so we’ve no reason to doubt, or the manipulation is that slow it’s not making sense. They are the ones when you do notice those eyes, yet because of the Trauma Bonding With A Narcissist, you have become addicted. Then it’s just not that simple to walk away. However, it is possible.
Unless you’ve been with a narcissist, you may not in-depth be able to understand that look. If you’re supporting someone who’s come out of a relationship with a narcissist, listen to what they say, as it is how it truly felt.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum. They have the same traits. They use them at different levels. To have the disorder, they would need to have at least five of The Nine Characteristics Of The Narcissistic Personality Disorder.,
Yes, someone can just have really sympathetic eyes that draw you in.
Someone can just look at you through admiration.
Someone can be just preoccupied, with a lot on their mind.
Someone may just not know where to look or how best to help when you break down in front of them.
Someone can give you a death stare; it’s usually laughable, though it doesn’t make you freeze on the spot.
The well-known saying, “people’s eyes are the window to the soul”, holds a profound truth. By observing someone’s eyes, we can gain deep insight into their true intentions and emotional state of mind. This holds particularly true when it comes to narcissists, as their eyes betray the range of emotions they experience. From the vacant stare of emptiness to the intense gaze of manipulation during love bombing, the eyes reveal the inner workings of a narcissist’s psyche.
The blank stare of a narcissist signifies their emotional detachment and lack of empathy. In those moments, they feel nothing, their eyes reflecting the hollowness within. Conversely, during the love bombing phase, their intense gaze is fueled by a sadistic pleasure known as “duper’s delight”. Their eyes reveal the satisfaction derived from manipulating and ensnaring their victims. This look is one of deceit and malice, as they relish in their ability to control and dominate others.
Contempt is another emotion that emanates through their eyes. Narcissists believe themselves to be superior and above others. This superiority complex is palpable in their scornful gaze, reflecting their disdain for those they perceive as beneath them. Moreover, their eyes can unleash a sinister and vengeful glare when they feel wronged. Fueled by anger and hatred, narcissists seek revenge, firmly convinced that their actions are justified. When one crosses paths with such a menacing stare, it becomes clear that their intentions are malicious.
These glimpses into the narcissist’s soul are amplified in moments of perceived threat. Fear of exposure, failure, or abandonment can cause their pupils to dilate, an innate reaction to feeling vulnerable. With their anger and rage added to the mix, the result is an intimidating and terrifying look that emanates from seemingly jet-black, cold, empty eyes, making it difficult to empathise with them. It is crucial, when faced with a narcissist expressing such a threat-induced gaze, to prioritise one’s safety and distance oneself from the situation.
Please add in comments about how that stare made you feel to help others understand and let those who witnessed it know they are not alone.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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I’ve seen all of those looks from my ex. The smirk on his face as I spill out my emotions. The blank stare when I’m trying to have a conversation. The glare of pure anger and evil when I have tried to stand up for myself. All warnings that I should have heeded sooner but at least I’m finally out. I can still feel that fear and anxiety just thinking of them though.
I’ve often said it’s as if he’s possessed! It’s pure hatred! And it can happen in the blink of an eye and last for days or weeks even! But just with me. He hides it from almost everyone else!
Yes, I’ve been with a narcissist, o didn’t know that’s what he was until the end, I knew something wasn’t right with him, he would give me that look, to me was a death stare, disgust on his face, if he didn’t like something or wasn’t getting his way he would stare with that awful look , I would literally have to walk away cuz he would just make me cry and I hated it