Is the key to a narcissist soul, who they indeed are, within their eyes? Are their eyes trying to tell our instinct something?
Yes, they’ve learnt from others with empathy how to look at you with loving eyes, yet mostly it’s false. They usually have cognitive Empathy, meaning they can think empathetic, so they know what it looks like. They don’t feel empathetic, so they can not put themselves in another’s shoes to understand how someone else feels.
When you first met that narcissist and looked into their eyes, did you get drawn to them? Some sort of charm within those eyes and that smile that made you want to know more about them? Now you most likely know they were just drawing you deeper in.
When you’re out at a party or with a group of friends with the narcissist, especially at the start, did you get that urge to look as you felt someone was staring at you? When you turn to look, you spot the narcissist staring at you. Your instinct was telling you something, but you push it down and just think they must like you. Was it envy? Or was that stare observing you, ready to mirror everything you do?
Or have they ever driven you to that moment of utter despair? You’re sat in front of them, pouring your heart out. Yet, you have an urge to look up for a moment, you notice for the first time in a long time the narcissist’s eyes are on you, yet they have a strange sort of almost glint or delight in their eye, they almost have a smirk on their face, your instinct is trying to warn you, yet you shake it off as you think they care and are listening to you. In hindsight, you now know they were observing you, and they were getting a real kick out of those emotions.
When you’re having a Conversations With A Narcissist, yet when you’re talking, they don’t appear to be listening, they are either fixated on the t.v or their phone, or they keep turning their head away, looking over your shoulder or theirs, or their eyes just look glazed over. If they do look your way, the eyes don’t seem to engage, your instinct might speak up, yet again you push it down. They must just be preoccupied, right?
Then the rage one, ’The death stare’ if you started the disagreement, or they started an Argument out of nowhere, did you stick up for yourself? Or do they just feel you criticised them in some way? But those eyes change it’s not only a death stare, those who’ve witnessed it will know how difficult it is to explain, but it’s like some form of demonic influence out of the exorcist, or is it so much anger and rage inside them their pupils dilate to almost utter blackness? Giving them a look of an empty soul, or has their inner demon has taken over? More often than not, when the Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn, survival mode comes out in you. Most people are so chilled by this look, as the blanket of coldness covers you, it almost burns your inner soul, your instinct screams “Get out, run”, and yet that stare makes you freeze on the spot. Their stare is so toxic your body reacts in a survival mode. That’s what makes it so unnatural. Not only have they got the look of a none existent, empty, emotionless soul, like they’ve been possessed, the look can actually make you literally freeze on the spot. Not knowing what they are, some of you may run. Or, as you become more aware of when that looks coming, you turn and run before it fully appears. Often you may hear them let out a strange wicked laugh. You may even have flashbacks of that stare.
Unfortunately, we don’t always listen to that instinct. Either the full manipulation hasn’t started yet, so we’ve no reason to doubt, or the manipulation is that slow it’s not making sense. Theirs the one when you do notice those eyes, yet because of the Trauma Bonding With A Narcissist, you have become addicted. Then it’s just not that simple to walk away. However, it is possible.
Unless you’ve been with a narcissist, you may not in-depth be able to understand that look. If you’re supporting someone who’s come out of a relationship with a narcissist, listen to what they say as it is how it truly felt.
The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum. They have the same traits. They are individuals that use them at different levels. To have the disorder, they would need to have at least five of The Nine Characteristics Of The Narcissistic Personality Disorder.,
Yes, someone can just have really sympathetic eyes that draw you in.
Someone can just look at you through admiration.
Someone can be just preoccupied, with a lot on their mind.
Someone may just not know where to look or how best to help when you break down in front of them.
Someone can give you a death stare; it’s usually laughable, though, doesn’t make you freeze on the spot.
Please add in comments about how that stare made you feel to help others understand, and those who witnessed it know they are not alone.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Video for signs that you are dealing with a narcissist.