Overcoming narcissist abuse by Elizabeth Shaw.
Is the key to a narcissist soul, who they truly are, within their eyes? Are their eyes trying to tell our instinct something?
Yes, they’ve learnt from others with empathy how to look at you with loving eyes yet it’s false.
When you first met that narcissist and looked into their eyes, do you get drawn to them? Some sort of charm within those eyes and that smile that made you want to know more about them? Now you know they were just drawing you deeper in.
When you’re out at a party or with a group of friends with the narcissist especially at the start, did you get that urge to look as you felt someone was staring at you? When you turn to look you spot the narcissist staring at you, your instinct is telling you something but you push it down and just think they must like you. Was it envy? Or was that state observing you, ready to mirror everything you do?
Or have they ever driven you to that moment of utter despair? your sat in front of them pouring your heart out, yet you have an urge to look up for a moment, you notice for the first time in a long time the narcissist’s eyes are on you, yet they have a strange sort of almost glint or delight in them, they almost have a smirk on their face, your instinct is trying to warn you, yet you shake it off as they just care and was listening to you. In hindsight, you now know they were observing you and they were getting a real kick out of those emotions.
When you’re having a conversation with them, yet when you’re talking, they don’t appear to be listening, their either fixated on the t.v or their phone, or they keep turning their head away, looking over your shoulder or theirs, or their eyes just look glazed over. If they do look your way the eyes don’t seem to engage, your instinct might speak up, yet again you push it down, they must just be preoccupied right?
Then the rage one, “ the death stare” if you started the disagreement, or the started an argument out of nowhere do you stick up for yourself? Or do they just feel you criticised them in some way? But those eyes change it’s not only a death stare, those who’ve witnessed it will know how difficult it is to explain, but it’s like some form of demonic influence out of the exorcist, or is it so much anger and rage inside them their pupils dilate to almost utter blackness? giving them a look of an empty soul, has or their inner demon has taken over? more often than not when the flight, fight, freeze, fawn comes out of the inner you. Most people are so chilled by this look, the blanket of coldness cover you, it almost burns your inner sole, your instinct screams “get out, run” and yet that stare makes you freeze on the spot, their stare is so toxic your body reacts in a survival mode, that’s what makes it so much unnatural, not only have they got the look of a none existent, empty, emotions sole, like they’ve been possessed, the look can actually make you literally freeze on the spot, Not knowing what they are, some of you may run. Or as you become more aware when that looks coming you turn and run before it fully appears. Often you may hear them let out a strange wicked laugh. You may even have flashbacks of that stare.
Unfortunately we don’t always listen to that instinct, either the full manipulation hasn’t started yet so we’ve no reason to doubt, or the manipulation is that slow it’s not making sense, then theirs the one when you do notice those eyes, yet because of the trauma bond, you have become addicted.
Unless you’ve been with a narcissist, you may not in depth be able to understand that look, if you’re supporting someone who’s come out of a relationship with a narcissist, listen as what they say is how it truly felt.
I will just add, the narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum, they have the same traits, they are individuals that use them at different levels, to be a narcissist they do need more than one or two traits,
Yes someone can just have really hot or even sympathetic eyes that draw you in.
Someone can just look at you through admiration.
Someone can be just preoccupied, with a lot on their mind.
Someone may just not know where to look or how best to help when you break down in front of them.
Someone can give you a death stare it’s usually laughable though, doesn’t make you freeze on the spot.
Please add in comments how that stare made you feel, to help others understand and those who witnessed it know they are not alone.