Narcissists intimidation is used to threaten or frighten those around them so that the narcissist can remain in control. Narcissists can intimidate in the obvious overt ways or those subtle, covert ways. Narcissists intimidate to persuade those around them into doing something they don’t want to do, believing in something that’s not true, fawning to the narcissist’s behaviour to avoid conflict or drama, appeasing the narcissist to avoid any arguments, to avoid pain.
The threats can be the double bind, where you receive mixed messages, where no matter what you choose, it’ll be a lose-lose for you and a win-win for the narcissist.
With financial abuse, they can ask to use your credit card. When you say no, they can ask in many different ways until they get an answer to use against you. If they ask why and you claim it to be full, they’ll create an argument about how you shouldn’t Max them out. Even though the narcissist maxed them out, they’ll give you the control of finances yet leave you no option but to let them spend all the money, then blame you for spending it all.
Those mixed messages of “If you don’t, I will.” Or “if you do, I will.” So it seems like you can. However, they’ll be consequences, and you’re never sure if the narcissist will carry out their threat or not, it can be over simple things such as meeting up with the family, going out with friends. They’ll claim they don’t want to argue with you, then create conflict before you go or when you get home.
Narcissists can intimidate with their tone of voice, their body language when they stand over you or back you up into a corner, while they say things such as “I wouldn’t if I was you.” The covert way, or the overt. “I will do this if you do that.”
Narcissists isolate you. They can go as extreme as convincing you in the beginning what a good idea it would be to move away, even moving countries, destroying your passport, driving licence, bank details.
Restraining you, blocking your path, blocking doorways, physically holding you back, often gaslighting with. “It’s for your own good.”
Narcissists can be physically aggressive, pushing, shoving, hair pulling, spitting, slapping, punching, tickling you too hard, then if you speak up, gaslighting you into believing “you can not take a joke.” Or “don’t be so serious.” “It’s not my fault you’re too sensitive.” To assert power and control over you.
How to handle.
Those who try to intimidate can be dangerous. Your safety always comes first. Always take any threat seriously. Those who care for you wouldn’t threaten you.
Don’t beg or plead with them to stop when a narcissist sees something is getting to you. This often gives them a signal to do it all the more. The less they know something bothers you, the less they’ll do it. However, if they’ve done it before and gotten a rise from you when they don’t, the next time, some will escalate their games.
Don’t explain, justify, defend or argue with them. Narcissists just see this as a green light to get you going all the more, as to what they can use against you to get you to react so that they can blame your reactions for their toxic behaviour.
Don’t try to prove your point. They’ll lie, deny, blame-shift, gaslight, project, stay in your truth within your mind.
Don’t blame yourself. Threatening behaviour, intimidation shows the narcissists lack of control, their lack in self-awareness and their lack in empathy don’t excuse their behaviour, abuse is abuse, and there is no excuse.
Don’t threaten back. Your safety comes first, and narcissists are known to threaten first then play the victim as they use your reactions against you.
Find a safe way out.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.