At times living with a narcissist can be like living with a stranger.
The meaning of neglect is failing to care.
One minute you can be living with someone who seemingly cares for you better than anyone ever has, then suddenly for no apparent reason it’s like living with a complete stranger who no matter what you say or do seems to get more pleasure out of hurting you than caring for you, we can fall into the trap of asking them ”whats wrong, what have I done, have I done something.” as we want peace, we want calm, we want to understand them and them to understand us, we care, we don’t want pain, however asking the narcissist often leads us straight into the trap of paying more attention to how we can make them happy and less attention to just how unhappy we indeed are around them, believing we are the problem through their gaslighting, blame-shifting and silent treatments, when in reality if they cared for us in the ways we care for them, they wouldn’t want to hurt us, as it would hurt them seeing us in pain, as it hurts us seeing them in pain, our questions isn’t what have we done, our question should be why would they act this way, and our answer in within their behaviour, they lack the empathy to care correctly.
Types of neglect.
Emotional neglect, when the narcissist, ignores, humiliates, intimidates, isolates, plays down your feelings. ”don’t be so sensitive, stop overreacting, you’re insecure.”
Physical neglect, when the narcissist is unsupportive when they see you in pain, when they ignore you, or stand there and watch you cry with a glint in their eye no remorse, and blame you for the pain they have caused you.
Financial neglect, not taking responsibility for their misspending, not allowing you enough for the essential supply of food.
Not all narcissist will rage, some might just neglect, all narcissist withhold attention, affection and support to destroy or sabotage your confidence, your happiness and your success, some rage in more overt ways, others fall silent in the more covert passive-aggressive ways, both are abuse, and there is no excuse.
A narcissists neglect leaves us never feeling acknowledge, respected, heard, understood, wanted, needed, included, worthy, enough. The narcissist neglect often gaslights us into neglecting ourselves as we work harder to please them.
Children especially will do all they can to gain support, understanding and attention from parents, from acting out, to falling quiet for fear of reactions if they do speak out.
Narcissists can be arrogant, which can come across as confident as they manipulate people by flattery that insincere praise or excessive compliments, a narcissist can exaggerate and be boastful, however when we don’t understand what they are, they seem very friendly, confident and charming, they pull people in and reward people with attention when the narcissist needs are getting met, once we hold the belief they care for us, they stop caring and blame us, so we work harder to please them, not understanding that we need to leave them.
Narcissists can neglect friends, family, partners, parents, one person’s toxic narcissist’s parent is another person’s toxic narcissists boss, friend, partner, child.
Narcissistic parents are very neglectful, only showing up for the child as and when it suits the narcissist, as narcissists are entitled so to the narcissist it’s all about them and never about the child. However, they’ll manipulate those around them into believing it’s about the child.
Narcissists drop those crumbs of hope as they turn up one minute, then ignore the next. A narcissist believes they are special therefor their needs come first. However, they’ll gaslight with ” it is not all about you, I never said that what about when you.” to distract you from their neglect, to get you to work harder to please them, then they’ll offer that intermittent reinforcement when you up your game to please them, giving the narcissist their own way to confuse you, to get you to doubt yourself ”are they really that bad.” when yes they are as someone who cared would not have us questioning our worth, as we wouldn’t have someone questioning there’s, we would go all out to build another up, narcissist go all out to drag another down.
The Narcissists neglect makes us feel unworthy and like we’re not enough, it creates beliefs such as not feeling enough. Believing we are and inconvenience, feeling sad, lonely, anxious, depressed, we can begin to withdrawal, we can start avoiding people, avoiding speaking out, avoiding eye contact, we can start having mood swings, start cutting off our emotions and start feeling like we are turning into a narcissist, as we’ve become negative, due to the hostile environment we are in.
1. Find a safe way out of the relationship.
2. Limited contact so you can begin to find who you are again.
3. If possible no contact.
4. Find safe ways to release emotions and past traumas, journaling, EMDR, therapy that you feel works for you.
5. Finding validation in your experience and reassures of what you’ve been through, or you’re going through, start with learning how to reassure yourself through journaling.
You can be with somebody and feel alone. You can be alone and not feel lonely.
The neglectful narcissist.
Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.