Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People, Rule 6 Guard Your Attention.

Guard your attention like your life depends on it.

You need to guard your attention around narcissistic people, as narcissistic people tend to feel entitled to your attention and entitled to your reactions as they are more than willing to exploit your emotions to gain a reaction from you, you need to guard your attention. You need to guard your opinions. You need to guard your emotions when dealing with narcissistic people because they will use these as leverage against you to get what they want from you. narcissistic people can be some of the most infuriating people to be around because they lack the empathy to see your point of view. They lack the willingness to care about how their behaviour affects you. They’re looking to exploit you in any way they can to get their needs met, so you need to find a way to protect yourself from their negativity, protect yourself from their baiting by guarding your attention, because if you do not guard your attention around a narcissistic person? Where your attention goes, your energy flows, and they are going to take you down the rabbit hole so deep that you’re stuck in the darkness you’re stuck in the fog so you can’t see what is happening to you.

So you have to pay close attention to what they are doing, so you don’t follow them into their negative emotions, so you don’t follow them into their baiting that they are doing to you, to gain that reaction that they need from you.

You need to guard your attention to avoid that emotional pain from them, avoid that psychological pain from them, and in some cases, to avoid that physical pain from them, you need to keep yourself safe.

Guarding your attention is to protect yourself, and one way to do this is by recognising the game the narcissist is throwing your way and not playing into their hands, Learning to control your thoughts and your feelings so that the narcissist can no longer control them for you to get what they want from you.

Don’t pay attention to their games. We can often be led to believe that by defending ourselves towards them by explaining ourselves to them, By rationalising and justifying ourselves to them, they’re going to see our point of view. They’re not going to see our point of view. They’re not wired up that way. What they are going to do is see this as what they can use to get to us, To gain that attention from you and because they’re getting that attention from you, they then believe that you care about them because you’re supplying them with the attention that they want at that given moment of time if they didn’t want that attention they wouldn’t be playing those games.

Don’t listen to what they are saying when they are intimidating and provoking you, do not listen to what they’re saying. They are going to use the things you care about the most against you because these are the things that you’ll most passionately defend. This says more about who they are as a person, their insecurities the fact that they’re willing to hurt you in that way, to get at you. To get one over on you, it says more about who they are as a person than it ever will who you are as a person. When it’s face-to-face combat with a narcissist, do not look them in the eye just look over the left or right ear, so it seems like you are looking at them, but you’re not looking into their eyes. Do not make eye contact, do not listen to the toxic hurtful things they are spewing out at you, take your mind elsewhere see the conversation as a reason to why you need to distance yourself from them. This is exactly what they’re like. They’re always going to be hurtful to me and those around me, and you’re always going to be toxic towards me. If someone cared about me, they would not be using the things I care about against me to get their own way. This is why I need to distance myself from them. Keep your thought process going on what will help you and not what they are saying to you.

Take your mind is elsewhere, not at them. If you need to smile, say okay. However, focus on what you’re saying, okay too. Other than that, you need to take your mind elsewhere. Don’t internalise what they’re saying. Make sure you don’t agree to anything you don’t agree with.

Recognise when they’re provoking you, when they’re baiting you, when they’re goading you, when they’re insulting you, recognise that is what they are doing to you. They are doing those things to you to gain that reaction from you, and do not give them that reaction. Even if it pulls on your emotions, step away and deal with your emotions when you are not around the narcissist. Do not give them what they want.

When they are intimidating you, you might need to go to the police. When they’re intimidating you, they are intimidating you recognise the threat that they are delivering you and find a safe way out of the situation, Focus your attention on getting out of the situation and not on the situation you are in.

When they’re talking in circles, when they keep bringing it back to something that’s going to upset you, recognise what they are doing and leave them to talk to themselves. When you need important information from them and it can be extremely frustration because it can be medical information that you need or permission that you need to get medical attention for their children, documentation that you need, might be bank details that you need, and they are not going to give it to you, when you need those important documents it can create those emotional reactions from you, when it’s information that you need that a narcissist is simply not going to give to you they’re not going to give you that answer and they’re not giving you that answer because they know they are getting to you, stop asking them, they enjoy not giving people direct answers they enjoy feeding of the attention, follow the right channels if needed to get the information you need bypass the narcissist to get the information you need, find what you can do to get the information you need by going around the narcissist if you need to take it to court take it to court don’t inform them you’re taking them to court just take it to court. You’ve undoubtedly given them enough chances, and they failed to deliver.

Ask for the information you need. If they’re not willing to give it to you, find the proper channels to get the information but do not keep asking them because they then count themselves as special and important to you. They don’t see that they’re being awkward or stubborn, and they’re frustrating you if they do it’s because they want to get at you.

When they’re accusing you of things, when they’re coming at you with unjust accusations, recognise the accusation they’re firing at you, recognise that nine times out of 10 when it comes to a narcissist, their accusations are often confessions, The very thing they are accusing you of is often what they have done to you or what they are thinking of doing to you.

When they derail you when they come at you with their selective memory, when they claim they never said that believe them and leave them to it. Don’t listen to the promises of people who always forget the promises they made to you. Recognise that they made these promises to get their needs met in the present, and once their needs are met, they’ve got that selective memory, and they’re not interested, so when they’re promising you something, guard your attention. Recognising this is just a game, they’re promising me this because they want me to do that. Do I want to do that? Actually, I don’t mind, so I will. No, I don’t want to do that, so I’m not going to because as soon as I’ve done that, you’re going to forget the promise that you made to me, do not play into the games because with a narcissist. It’s all manipulative psychological gameplays

When they go into the diversion, when they take you onto a whole new topic of conversation, and you might keep bringing it back to the original topic of conversation, the original points. They’re going to divert you onto something else, and no matter how many times you bring it onto the original point, they’re going to divert you onto something else. Recognise what they’re doing, recognise that no matter how much you bring up the original point, they are unable or unwilling to discuss that, and leave them to it. As frustrating as this can be, trying to get closure is going to frustrate you more. Trying to get an answer trying to get to the bottom of a situation with a narcissist is going to frustrate you more. Trying to get a solution and trying to reach a compromise is going to frustrate you more than it is guarding your attention, recognising their behaviour and leaving them to it. The sooner you leave a narcissist alone, the clearer, healthier and happier your life will become.

When a narcissist starts deflecting the conversation back onto you when they start accusing you of being forgetful or not doing something for them, blaming you, claiming that if you hadn’t have done something, recognise that this is them avoiding taking responsibility for their own behaviour, and just because you can hold yourself accountable for your own behaviour doesn’t mean you should hold yourself accountable for their behaviour their behaviour is on them, Your behaviour is on you, now we can be provoked into reacting and when we are emotionally drained, when we are sleep deprived it’s effortless to become emotionally reactive. However, when we can recognise we don’t like how we are behaving around a certain person, we need to learn to distance ourselves from that person because a narcissist will try to bring out the worst in you so that they can play the victim and guilt trip you into doing for them what they originally wanted you to do. That you didn’t want to do, A narcissist might triangulate. They might bring a third person into the situation. They might justify it by saying well, so-and-so is doing it. It doesn’t matter if someone else is doing it. If you don’t approve, that’s your personal values, your personal beliefs. If they cannot respect who you are as a person, you need to distance yourself from them as a person, Because most likely, you respect who they are as a person, and it’s a two-way street if they’re not willing to adapt to that two-way street then you need to distance yourself from them, or if they claim that your brother or sister would do something for them if it’s a narcissistic parent tell him to go and ask your brother and sister if they claim their ex would do something recognise they’re trying to provoke that insecurity within you, and that is on them not you. You do not want to be around people who are trying to provoke insecurities within you. There’s enough in the world to be insecure about without the people in the world who claim to care about you provoking insecurities within you.

A narcissist might fall silent on you. If somebody wants to fall silent on you, respect the silence and leave them to it and focus on you. Focus on the things that you enjoy doing to take your attention away from them being silent. You might want to let them know that i’m here if you want to talk to me and then leave them to it. The more you chase them, the more they believe they’re getting to you, and the more they believe that you care. You’re allowed to care but care by recognising that they want to be silent and leave them to it.

They might start smearing your name when a narcissist can no longer control you. They’re going to go all out to control how other people see you. They are going to discredit your character. They’re going to ruin your reputation any way they can, and it’s very, very easy to want to defend ourselves when people are being offensive towards us. It’s effortless to go and try and defend ourselves. However, more often than not with a narcissistic person they set the stage they’ve set the game that no matter how much we defend ourselves to them, we play straight into their hands, straight into the stories they’re telling others about us, the best way to handle a smear campaign is don’t leave them to it let them say whatever they want to say, and prove to people by our actions that we are not what they are saying about us, guard attention and guard your reaction, those who want to believe the narcissist they’re better off with a narcissist. We’re better off stepping away from those people.

If you need to discuss something with a narcissistic person, state your points and state them once only if they’re going to go through their manipulation tactics. Do not continue the conversation, do not defend yourself to them, don’t justify yourself to them do not explain yourself to them. The more you explain yourself to them, the more they will use those explanations against you to hurt you.

Don’t personalise it. Do not take it personally when they’re insulting you. That is on them that says more about their character than ever will yours when they’re gossiping about people that is on them that says more about their character than it will about those they’re gossiping about.

Disengage from the conversation, disengage from the situation, guard your attention Guard your thoughts Guard your feelings like your life depends on it when around narcissistic people.

Because if you don’t, a narcissist will go all out to take control of your thoughts and feelings to use them for their advantage, so always guard who you are as a person around who they are as a person because if you don’t, they’re going to pull you into their games they’re going to draw you into that negativity. Then they’re going to leave you wondering what on earth has just happened.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.), where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People, Rule 5, Stand Your Ground.

It’s hard when you can’t remove toxic people from your life when you’re unable to go no contact with them. Therefore we need rules in order to be able to deal with the chaos that they bring into our lives. This is rule five stand your ground.

Knowing your beliefs, knowing your values and standing by them, no longer letting the narcissist take advantage of your kindness, your forgiveness, your compassion, recognise who they are and what they are trying to do and staying true to you. Know you have every right to live life on your terms. You’re not doing that to hurt or manipulate them.

Refuse to be a doormat to them, as whenever you don’t give in to them, they will try to guilt trip you into doing what they want you to do, which in the long run is going to leave you feeling bad.

Safely face your fears and overcome them, do not let narcissistic people know how you feel, and do not let them know what you are doing as a narcissist will use your feelings against you, they’ll use your routines against you, to further manipulate you. A narcissist uses your intentions and motives against you to manipulate you by claiming that you’re the one that’s been unreasonable, you’re the one being irrational, narcissistic people are some of the most unreasonable and irrational people you could ever meet, and to hide this from you, they’re going to project onto you by making you feel that you’re the one that’s been irrational and unreasonable so that you back down and give in to them and they get their own way. When they’re trying to get you to back down, you really need to stand in there and hold your ground.

One criteria of their disorder are that they require excessive admiration. Narcissistic people require that attention from other people to feel better about themselves. They’re looking for that external gratification to feel better about who they are as a person, recognise this and refuse to comply, refuse to play into their hands, no longer play their games and remember by explaining to them what you’re doing, or how you’re feeling, explaining to them how their behaviour is wrong or how their behaviour is hurting you they take this as a fact that they matter to you, that you care about them. They will use this to their advantage. Acknowledgement of the narcissist’s unbelievable behaviour acknowledgement of the narcissist’s unbelievable actions gives the narcissist themselves their credibility. However, showing no interest towards a narcissist who is seeking excessive admiration can cause a narcissistic injury, so always keep yourself safe. A narcissist is going to double down when you stop giving them the attention that they believe they’re entitled to.

A sense of entitlement is another one of their criteria, so they believe they’re entitled to your attention. When they’re no longer getting this, this can make the narcissistic person feel insecure, so they might double down and up their manipulative methods to get at you. Always stay safe, and continue to stand your ground. At some point, when the narcissist Is not getting the attention they believe they’re entitled to, they are going to get bored of you. If you need to call the police, do not pre-warn a narcissistic person. This gives them a chance to up their games. Just do what you need to do to stand your ground and to stay safe.

Don’t explain yourself to narcissistic people. The more you explain yourself to them, the more they take advantage of your explanations, the more they feel like they’re important, and the more they will come after you.

Becoming indifferent, show a lack of interest, show a lack of concern, show a lack of sympathy. Narcissistic people use indifference for power and control to manipulate those around them, those they claim they love and care about, yet when somebody’s going through a painful experience in their life, a narcissistic person will not show them the sympathetic attention they require because the narcissist believes the attention should be on themselves instead they will try and one up you to get the attention on to themselves.

A narcissist will often talk about how they’ve suffered far worse because a narcissist is after that sympathetic attention. Some narcissistic people use indifference for power and control as well as punishment. You’re not using indifference to control them or have power over them, or to punish them. Your motive behind your indifference is to escape them to break free from them to break free from their manipulation by no longer showing them any interest in their mistreatment of you by letting them go and live their life while you go and live yours.

You kind of have to show a narcissist indifference because any explanations you give them usually falls on deaf ears unless it’s an explanation that they can use against you. Then they will pay attention so they can use your explanations against you to manipulate you further. Any justification, any explanation of your opinions, any explanation of your feelings, any explanation of your boundaries if it doesn’t match how the narcissist wants to control the situation explaining yourself to them is going to fall on deaf ears once you’ve made a choice to stand your ground, be firm, once you’ve made a choice to stand to your beliefs stand to your values, what you have to do is stick with it because as soon as you give a narcissist an inch, they will take a mile, you might have learned this through previous experience that as soon as you think they’re not that bad and let them get away with something, they go after more as soon as you give them one thing, they try to take more. They are incredibly exploitative self-entitled people who are always seeking more.

They are incredibly exploitative people who are always wanting more. They are incredibly envious people who are always wanting more, what we have to recognise that as soon as we make a small allowance for a narcissistic person, it is our situation is the one that’s going to worsen because a narcissist is going to take full advantage when it comes to dealing with narcissistic people the less is more approach, less attention, less explanations, less giving them the things that they believe they’re entitled to as narcissistic people are exploitative people. They will take full advantage of your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and kindness. They will place fear into you, they will make you feel obligated towards them, they will guilt trip you, and they will take full advantage of your emotions. They will take full advantage of your kindness, and they will take full advantage of your forgiveness.

Now, forgiveness is for the individual. If you do not want to forgive somebody, that is your choice. If you don’t want to forgive somebody that hurt you, that is absolutely fine. That is your choice, your life, and your situation. The more you forgive a narcissist, the more a narcissistic person learns how to get away with their behaviour. If you want to forgive them, you can forgive them from a safe distance just don’t forget and don’t give them another chance to hurt you again.

Narcissistic people are not reasonable and they are not rational people and they are going to go all out to make you feel like you’re the unreasonable and irrational one when you begin to stand firm on your ground against them and they are going to try to exploit your feelings they’re going to try to manipulate your emotions they’re going to try and manipulate your opinion, this is when we have to stand with indifference this is when we have to learn to care less about what they think about us and we have to learn to care less about what they’re trying to make us think about ourselves we have to recognise what they are actually trying to do to us and step away from the games we have to learn to care more about the long term, how it’ll affect our feelings in the long term, how something is going to impact us in the long run, care less about the opinions of people on the outside of the situation when you begin to stand your ground with a narcissistic person a narcissist will then lower their manipulation level and go after simple things just a little thing, because once they’ve got you on one thing they can go after more, once they’ve taken the boundary they are going to go after more and to you and people on the outside of the situation things such as I need to pick the kids up 15 minutes early because I need to do this, with genuine people this works, with narcissistic people this doesn’t work, so it doesn’t matter what other people think if you think you’re being a little bit awkward it doesn’t matter if a narcissist is telling you that you’re being awkward, it does not matter. You need to care less about what other people think and care more about the entirety of the situation and the fact that if you do not stand your ground, if you do give them an inch, they are going to take a mile, and your situation is going to worsen.

You cannot control a narcissist’s actions. You can control how you feel about those actions. You can control your opinions about those actions. You can control your reactions to those actions. Yes, we can all hit a moment where we get pushed to the limits, and we snap, and we react. We react badly and react in a manner out of character for us, and on a different day, if things aren’t going off in our own lives, we might not have reacted in that manner, as you can recognise this behaviour a narcissist will use your reactions against you to punish you. Therefore, we have to focus on self-control. We have to focus on how we want to think about the situation and how we feel about the situation. That works to our advantage and not a narcissist’s advantage.

Which is why retreating it’s always very helpful because when we are coming from a place with a calm mind we can make a more logical and rational decision when we jump in with giving a narcissist an answer or a reaction we are not always coming from a place of logic. Narcissists go all out to get you into an emotional state so your choices are coming from emotional reactions which isn’t always in your best interest when they’re guilt tripping you and your decisions are being made based on your feelings of guilt it’s not always in your best interest, more often than not it’s in the narcissists best interest, so learning to stand your ground, then when a narcissist at some point recognises that they’re not going to get what they want from you they will get bored and they will unfortunately move onto somebody new they might keep coming back and trying again and after a year or two years you might think that it’s fine and that it doesn’t affect you, however as soon as they’ve got back in there. They’re going to take that mile, once you’ve made a decision. Make it and stick to it when dealing with narcissistic people. Narcissists are not looking for compromise. They are looking for control.

Save your ability to compromise with people for those who are willing to compromise with you. Use your ability to stand your ground with narcissistic people.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

7 Things Narcissists Never Get Over.

What haunts a narcissist? What can’t a narcissist get over?

What is something a narcissist can not stop thinking about?

We’re human. We make mistakes. We’ve had experiences where we might look back, wishing we’d said or done things differently. We can all have regrets, and one thing in life to learn is to live without regret. We make a choice based on the information we have at that time, and as the information changes, so do our choices. We get over things differently, some far quicker and easier than others, we’ve lived different experiences, and some people do have it a lot harder than others, some people find it far easier to look for the positives, and others, no matter how hard they look those negatives stare them in the face. No matter how good life is, we can all have one of those days, those moments when life seems to hit us with one thing after another, and the struggle is real. We’re drowning under the pressure and treading water to try and stay afloat.

Narcissistic people have the same emotions as anybody. They just seem to live life with more negative emotions, such as bitterness, resentment, and envy. They are cynical people. Narcissists seek to punish others rather than face their own pain, shame, guilt, and remorse. They seek to bring others down, shame others, blame others, and cause others pain. Rather than self-reflect, they project their faults, failures and mistakes onto those around them.

So what are seven things that haunt narcissistic people?

1. Loss of supply

Loss of supply, whatever supply that narcissistic Individual is looking for. Although they can be alone, they struggle to be alone with their own dark thoughts. They find it challenging to be alone with their negative thoughts, just as non-narcissistic people can. Narcissists can be alone. However, they’re getting supply from somewhere or someone. Narcissists find it very difficult when they’re not getting the supply they believe they’re entitled to, as they’re then living with themselves. Narcissists don’t know who they are because they borrow the personalities of those around them, they lie about anything and deny everything, they deceive people, and they change their personalities depending on who they’re trying to impress. They don’t take responsibility for the things they do. They don’t take the guilt or remorse. They might feel a moment of shame, why they quickly pass the blame. Not only do they act like the victim to gain sympathetic attention or smear the other person’s name, but they also morph into the victim mindset, so to the narcissistic person, they are one of the most hard done by people you could ever meet. This is something that haunts a narcissist, something that a narcissist can not get over, the loss of supply, whatever supply that narcissist requires.

2. When they believe someone has got one over on them.

It pains a narcissist. It torments them that somebody has got one over on them, even when the other person hasn’t technically done anything to the narcissist. The narcissist perhaps just feels slighted that someone hasn’t given them the correct admiration or attention or respect that the narcissist feels entitled to, as they believe they are special and superior to others. Even when it is the reality, a narcissist created through their lies and brought onto themselves, and the other person responds in a manner where they can’t take anymore, ending the relationship safely, walking away and going no contact. This really irritates and infuriates narcissistic people that someone dares to walk away from them and take their supply away as to a narcissist, how dare you walk away from them. They’ve built up a character to impress you, to be who you want them to be, to serve you so they can exploit you, and you’re rejecting their false self. However, as it’s not who they are and they’ve revealed who they are, their character hasn’t worked. They feel offended that not only have you rejected their false self, but you’re also no longer buying into their lies, and you’re rejecting their true selves. When it comes to narcissistic people, they are selling people illusions to get their needs met.

3. Exposure.

When the narcissist gets shown for who they truly are, how dare you get one over on them, how dare you expose them, how dare you show people who that narcissistic person truly is, which is why a narcissist will go all out to discredit your character, ruin your reputation, to sabotage yours while saving their own. Narcissists smear your name to keep their reputation intact. They paint you out to be the villain so they can play the victim and gain sympathetic attention. We can all make mistakes, we can all be humiliated, and it’s not a nice feeling. However, we can live the experience, mull over the experience, we can do daft things with no malicious intentions. We just make a mistake and get humiliated. However, it’s a temporary thing. You go through the emotions. You process them, and then you learn from your mistake and move on from it. It’s more complicated when you’ve been humiliated by someone who claimed to care for you yet lied, cheated, duped and deceived you. This naturally triggers negative emotions. However, we do usually process and move on. With narcissistic people they seek to get you back to punish you. They lack empathy; therefore, they’re seeking that revenge, whereas a genuine person might rationalise and justify perhaps they didn’t mean it. They made a mistake. A narcissistic person believes you intentionally set out to hurt them. It takes time for a genuine person to come to terms with the fact a narcissistic person set out to exploit them. Therefore if a narcissist believes they’ve been humiliated, they don’t get over this and seek to get you back. If they think you’ve exposed them, they don’t get over this unless they can destroy you. However, with some narcissistic people, if they fear you could expose them, they move on to somewhere and someone new, often blaming you.

4. When people disagree with them.

Narcissistic people can’t get over themselves, let alone get over people disagreeing with them. People disagreeing with a narcissist really rubs them up the wrong way, as they believe they know everything. It doesn’t matter if they’ve experienced something or not. Narcissists believe they understand how you feel better than you know yourself. They know your capabilities better than you know your own. Narcissists don’t take kindly to people disagreeing with them. They don’t like people not having the same opinions as them. Often why, they morph into the victim of, “oh, I knew you’d take their side. You never take my side.” To make you feel bad for not readily agreeing with them.

With a narcissistic person,
it’s not your
understanding what they’re after.
It’s your agreeableness. It’s your willingness to put
down your beliefs, ideas, opinions, and dreams to suit them.
To agree with them.
To live life on their terms, to no longer have a life of your own.

Narcissists will happily play the victim to gain sympathetic attention. Narcissists don’t get over people disagreeing with them. They’re arrogant people who don’t see their own inadequacies, only those in the people around them, which they’ll happily point out. It’s irritating when you’re trying to have a conversation with a narcissist whose being incredibly disagreeable, especially when it’s something they already agreed to, so we know within ourselves it’s irritating. Yet, we can see others have a different point of view, try to see it for their side, recognise someone’s having a bad day, and give them time. With a narcissist, it’s more than irritating. It can cause narcissistic injury and bring out their anger and rage, because you’re not living life on their terms.

5. Not getting the required attention.

When a narcissist believes they are entitled to behave in a manner and those around them should just agree, yet they don’t agree, they call them out. They expose their hurtful ways. The narcissist might then go explaining to others, adding bits in, taking bits out, to make sure they’re right, as the more they get disapproval, the more they’ll change the story or ask in different ways until they gain the approval that they require. We can all do this, we are all capable of doing something and how someone responds to us think, perhaps I shouldn’t have done that, perhaps I was wrong there. Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their behaviour. Therefore they think, how can I get away with that.

6. When people leave them.

Narcissistic people fear abandonment. They’ve created a whole world of smoke and mirrors, and illusions to get their needs met, so when people walk out on them, they can’t wrap their heads around why someone would leave them, as they believe they’re better than thou. This is why they’ll usually come after you with the hoover, to devalue you all over again, so they can be the ones to discard you. Just like going through the court system with a narcissist, a narcissist is going to make life as difficult as possible for those who leave them, and they’ll not abide by court orders. They’ll find loopholes, and blame everyone else as to why things didn’t go their way, get endless solicitors, try to find someone who agrees with them, trying to destroy those who dare to leave them.

7. When things don’t go their way.

To a narcissist, nothing is ever their fault. Nothing is ever to do with their behaviour. To them, it’s the ex who is wrong, their parents, their boss who just can’t see their potential, the judge, the lawyer, their neighbour, anyone but themselves, nothing is ever a narcissists fault, which is why they keep going until they can get someone to agree with them, until they get their own way. The more they fail at this, the more they double down to find different ways to get their own way. Narcissists don’t believe their is anything wrong with them, they believe their is something wrong with those around them.

Only when a narcissist suffers a massive narcissistic injury that they can not come back from, or they need to reload with a new supply and flying monkeys to support them, they’ll sulk off and lick their wounds and leave you in peace. They’ll still be playing the victim to all those who’ll listen to them, as they’ve got that victim mindset, which is why as a victim of narcissistic abuse, as tricky as it is, you have to get yourself away from the victim mindset. As a victim, it’s so easy to go with it, where you end up even more stressed and depressed, cynical and resentful, as that victim mindset drives you further into negativity. It is so easy to let it take you there. It is so much harder to fight away from it, to look for things to hope for in the future when you’ve just had your hopes shattered, and to look for new dreams when you’ve just had yours destroyed.

There are so many things that haunt narcissistic people, so many things narcissists can not get over. Even though they might look like they do when they swan off into the sunset selling your dreams to somebody new while trying to further punish you, and at some point, they do it to the new, they’re forever punishing people for the mistakes they’ve made, the things they can’t get over, yet as they don’t recognise their behaviour, they don’t change their behaviour, they just repeat their behaviour that they hold grudges against others for that haunt them, that they can’t get over, they spiral into negativity and wanting revenge, as they lack empathy there’s no low they won’t go.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

How to work out, if you need to get out or stay out of an abusive relationship, be it a parent, friend, partner, boss or family member and start working on yourself and your life

If you are still in an abusive relationship right now, or around people who just bring you down, or thinking about giving it another go, you need to ask yourself some questions and answer them honestly.

  • What is the cost to me of staying or returning to this relationship?
  • What do I gain from this relationship? What would I gain going back?
  • Is the relationship give and take?
  • Can I be myself around them?
  • Do they bring out the best in me?
  • Am I happy?
  • Do I feel safe?

Every relationship has a cost, but a normal relationship is about take and give, give something to someone else and receive something back. In normal relationships, you don’t take, just to receive. You don’t give only to receive. No good deed is done without some reward, even if you weren’t expecting a reward, sometimes you’ll be giving 100%, and sometimes you’ll be taking 100%. Sometimes it’s 50/50 or 80/20. Then it might be 20/80, depending on who’s in need at any given time. That’s real relationships. Helping each other out depending on who needs the help and support, not one dragging one down. If you have to work in a relationship, that’s ok. That’s normal. If you have to make some sacrifices to help each other out, that’s real relationships, if you have to give up everything about who you are, that’s not normal, and they don’t love you for who you are.

Is the relationship give and take?

So if your giving it your all and only receiving when they want something from you, not just because it’s the right thing to do, if you are surrounded with put-downs? Negativity? Cannot do right for doing wrong? Are you always living on the edge? Are you walking on eggshells? Doing everything you can to change yourself to meet their demands and their needs and still feel like you’re not measuring up? If you are now reacting to defend yourself, and they always blame you? If you have to lose who you are? No longer allowed to do the things you enjoy doing? If you have to conform to them to have a peaceful life? And it’s still wrong? Then the cost of that relationship is you.

Can you be yourself around them?

Do you feel like you can not do right for doing wrong? Do you find yourself often apologising over thing things you have or haven’t said or done? Can you dress how you want? Without thinking, if your outfit will cause an argument, do you feel like you can speak up for yourself?

Do they bring out the best in you?

Are you encouraged to reach your goals, your dreams, your passion, build relationships with friends and family? Or do they judge you, sabotage you, and bring out the worst in you?

Are you happy?

Are you becoming more anxious and less confident? do you wonder if you’ve become too sensitive? Is everything that goes wrong in the relationship blamed on you? Do you feel like everything is your fault? No longer feeling like the person you used to be?

Do you feel safe?

If you don’t feel safe, you need to find your safe way out.

If you’re leaving, this is when you need to create a safe plan of action.

The start of getting out is taking those steps to plan a safe exit, as leaving is the most dangerous time. People do get out safely, and your safety is paramount. You never know to what extent an abusive person will go to. Most will not do anything other than the smear campaigns. Even so, you need to start putting yourself and your needs first. You do not owe an abusive person an apology or an explanation, you’ve been doing this your entire relationship, and all that does is sink you. You owe yourself the best chance of a safe exit and a fresh start to a happier life.

So if all they do is cycle around to bring you down and hurt your feelings, then it’s time to let go. No matter how hard it is, and make no mistake, it will be hard. Remember that the pain of leaving and recovery is temporary. The pain of holding on is permanent. In the long run, leaving any toxic relationship will be worth it. If you find yourself constantly questioning what you have done wrong, what you could do better while they continue to let you down, break promises, lie and cheat on you, you can spend your entire life in pain within that relationship, or you can face the short term pain of breaking free now, today, some times we have to face the pain of today to create a happier tomorrow, it will be totally worth it.

Letting go.

Narcissist abuse cycle.

Getting the narcissist out of your head.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about the narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. Where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.

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How to prepare to leave an abusive relationship.