The Narcissists New Supply.

Narcissists don’t love the new any more or any less than they did you.

With a narcissist often it’s not an emotional bond they have with another as many lack the object consistency to care on a deeper level, they can seemingly come across as though they care, when their admiration face is on. They are seeking that excessive attention, when they are love-bombing, idealising, future faking, as the narcissist requires a supply of whatever that supply is to that individual narcissist, a place to stay, nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place to stay, clothing, attention, money, affection, support, finances, to impress others or to destroy another, flying monkeys or enablers.

A narcissist exploits others whatever they are doing is to meet a need of their own, they can be selling all your dreams to the new supply, as the narcissists will be getting attention and praise from the new supply, while hurting you, as they often hold grudges against exes for not doing what the narcissist wanted them to do. So the narcissist is full of resentment often trying to destroy those who go against them, if they can paint the ex out to be crazy, they can gain sympathy from the new. Suppose the narcissist holds onto your possessions. Whenever you message about them, they can claim you’re obsessed with them to make themselves more appealing to the new, or they can leave their possession with you and claim you’re bitter and you’ll not let them have them, a narcissist will twist and turn anything they can to gain the right supply of support they need from any given person.

With their lack of object consistency when a narcissist isn’t getting their own way, their supply, when there is conflict or distance the narcissist no longer cares for the person who’s no longer giving in to their demands, they lack the empathy to care, as their supply isn’t being met, they believe you are the one at fault. Therefore they shall lie, deny, deflect, twist truths all to serve them as the hero or victim, so they gain emotional support from others, while they destroy you.

  • Narcissistic people often require special attention, they are preoccupied with their ideal, they feel entitled to have things how they want it, any perceived threat or criticism, they take offence and strike back, as they are envious of others, no matter what you do for them, what you supply them, they always seek more. narcissists lack the attachment system, they have a sense of entitlement, so how they feel about someone at any given moment depends on if they are extracting what they want from that person.
  • Narcissists move from partner to partner to fill their own needs, to supply their own insecurities, to prove their worth, to prove it’s not them, to get the admiration, to feel special, to exploit people, they don’t move on because they love and care for the new, they move on to take advantage and get their needs met, it could last a few months or a few years, they are merely using them until they can not use them any more and then they’ll find another replacement. It did not start with you, and it will not end with you. They do not love not in the way you do, they use to meet their own needs.

    Remember how it was for you in the beginning, that’s all they are showing with the new partner, the idealisation stage, the love-bombing phase the hooking the new in. Some might want to warn the new, this will not end well, as when you met the narcissist, and they were treating you so well—smearing the ex to you. What would you think if that ex had come trying to rescue you?

    Narcissistic abuse is a cycle that you need to break free from, each stage lasts a different length of time, depending on the narcissist and the situation, also the other person,

    Love bombing, idealising you.

    Devaluation, realising your human and not like you. The gaslighting and silent treatment, financial abuse.

    Replace, find a new source of supply.

    Discard, where they might, smear you and triangulate you.

    Smear, slander your reputation or character to cover up the things they did to you.

    Hoover. It’s not working how they wanted with the new, so they come back to you.

    And repeat, if that’s with you, or someone new, they just continue the same pattern, time and time again.

    The narcissist is not happy with the new person. It’s only the excitement of having something new. We are appliance to them, where we buy a new phone and discard when it’s not working, then if we crack the screen on the new phone, we might see if we can use the old phone, until our new is fixed, or we buy another. This is how narcissistic people use people.

    They will seem happy as the new person hasn’t worked it out yet, the narcissist is love bombing and enjoying all the new person’s attention.

    Why will they never change?

    They do not change they have a disorder, they change lies, they change partners, they don’t change their true selves, they have a disorder, NPD, to have that disorder, they have a lack of empathy, they are envious, they exploit others, they are preoccupied with their own power, they believe they are special, and above all others, they are arrogant and don’t see themselves as the problem, if they knew their behaviour is wrong, they still have the disorder, they still have those traits underneath the change, even with the therapy they can relapse as those traits are always just under the surface.

    The narcissists new relationship.

    Can a narcissist change?

    Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

    On Facebook. 

    On YouTube.

    On Twitter.

    On Instagram. 

    On Pinterest. 

    On LinkedIn.

    The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

    For the full course.

    Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

    For the free course.

    Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

    To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

    Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

    All about the narcissist Online course.

    Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

    The narcissists counter-parenting.

    Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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    Seven Ways Narcissists Maniulate By Triangulation.

    The narcissist’s triangulation is another manipulation tactic as they use a third person to bend the truth, manipulate the relationship between others to the narcissists advantage.

    Triangulation is used by a narcissist to deceive people, to cause rivalry between people.

    A narcissist triangulates by acting as a messenger between those around them, the narcissist can be exploiting a friend by borrowing a lot of money of them promising to pay them back, yet playing the victim when it comes to paying them back, or paying back small amounts, then coming on strong with the pity plays to borrow more, they can borrow small amounts and pay back, so people trust them, only the narcissists will then borrow big, to then keep making up excuses, gaslight, pity play, guilt, use the “I paid you back last time, I just need more time, ” or ghost them, while this is happening the narcissists will be telling everyone around that friend, that friend whose genuine and kept it between the two of them as they respect the narcissist not knowing what the narcissist is up to, as the narcissist will be telling anyone who’ll listen that the friend they are borrowing money off is borrowing money off them, the narcissist will be gossiping about that friend, yet twisting the story, claiming all the narcissist is doing to that friend, the friend is doing to the narcissist, with the friend having no clue to what’s happening, so when the friend finally has enough and speaks out, the friend is scapegoated by the narcissist, the narcissist can be using the story to exploit money out of another, the whole “ I don’t have rent this week my friends still hasn’t paid me back, now they’re holding a grudge against me because I asked for it back, no please don’t talk to them, I care for then and don’t want to make their troubles worse.” or “ I don’t have the cash for the rent this week, my ex needs the cash for the kids, I’ll make it up to you.” yet they’ve smeared the ex so you don’t talk to the ex to find out the kids get nothing, so you believe the narcissist to be caring and genuine not realising they’re lying to exploit others.

    Narcissists can flatter you to all their friends, family and work colleagues, they can be really nice to all your friends and family, yet tell you that your friend talks about you, your family interfere too much, or they keep you so busy you spend less time with your friends and family, who then live a reality where you’ve no time for them. However, the narcissist is showering them with compliments. They can provoke you to react in front of friends and family so that the narcissist can gain sympathy.

    Narcissistic parents can shame, criticise, invalidate, humiliate one child while praising another. They can cause rivalry between siblings, then blame the scapegoat child. They can cause conflict and rivalry between friends, family members, whoever the narcissist needs to so they are winning.

    Narcissist shame people, it’s a painful and sometimes embarrassing emotion they inflict on us, to discredit us, so we fear speaking out for who we are, for fear of humiliation.

    Triangulation allows the narcissist to provoke emotional reactions from people so that the narcissist can blame people for their responses, so the narcissist can gain sympathy from enablers and flying monkeys, guilt trip people, shame people, confuse or distract me to coercively control others.

    Narcissists will play the hero as the gather you Innermost secrets. They will threaten people with those secrets. They will gossip, compare, isolate and alienate people.

    How do they do this without us knowing?

    1. Killing two birds with one stone method. They will often inform a partner of someone flirting with them, to create feelings of jealousy, to then tell you, that ”You’re insecure.” If you question them, they will talk about how an ex would have done something for them, which confuses you as they’ve already smeared the ex and told you how much they hate them, so if the ex that they hate so much would have done it? And they left the ex. They might leave you, so people can then give in to the narcissist’s demands. We end up feeling jealous and insecure, often losing our boundaries, and trying harder and harder to please the narcissist. Without realising the narcissist is lying to us. So they make us doubt our thoughts and feelings if we bring anything up, they will tell us. “You’re insecure.” When, in reality, your instincts are correct. The narcissist gets attention while they gain control of your mind, and you slowly lose control of your mind.

    They will play children off against each other, making one The Golden Child And The Other The Scapegoat Child they will alienate children from the healthy parent.

    Bosses will play co-workers off against each other, and friends will also do this.

    2. Recruiting reinforcement. They will lie and smear other people in the Smear Campaigns they will play the victim, so you feel bad for the narcissist and want to help them and protect them, unwittingly taking on the narcissists opinions becoming an enabler and assisting the narcissist in bully and destroy others believing the narcissist is innocent and the third party is at fault.

    3. Splitting. The narcissist will extract information from one person. Gossip with another about it, they’ll even lie about what one person has said about another than when you defend yourself to the narcissist, the narcissist will then go back to the other party to relay what you said to the narcissist in response, however, the narcissist will completely miss out the lie they told you that the other person said in order to get your reaction. So you feel bad if the other person comes to you about this as you said it, and you sound like you’re doing the word salad trying to explain that the narcissist said, the whole ”they said, you said, so I said.” They use this to control information shared between people. Once they’ve fulled a rift between people, they will then smear one person to all others. They will play the hero and fake their concern for you to others, to gain sympathy, or play the woe is me victim on how badly you treat them. Hence, people pity the narcissist, which then cuts you of and protects the narcissist’s false reality from coming out. So the narcissist can play the victim, and the real victim looks like the crazy abuser to others.

    Sometimes the one who sounds crazy is the one trying to explain the truth. 

    4. Flirt and deny, another one to gaslight your reality, to provoke the feelings of jealousy, to provoke your reactions, to create insecurities and self-doubt in you. They’ll not validate your feelings, or communicate about how you feel, they’ll not offer any reassurance, as they’ve done this intentionally as they believe they are entitled to do so. They’ll flirt in front of you then deny all knowledge, and accuse you of being ”Insecure, Jealous, Hung up on your past.”

    A narcissist will provoke you, to get a reaction out of you so that they can blame you.

    5. Exclusion, when you’re out with friends they will purposefully leave you out of the conversation, they’ll leave you out of jokes, they’ll leave you out of activities. So you feel excluded, left out, insecure, if you speak up, they’ll say things like “They need space.” Or projection “You’re too obsessive and controlling.” So you end up questioning yourself. Parents will do this with other family members, co-workers and friends will also do this, a narcissistic friend might leave you out of an event happening, yet making sure a flying monkey informs you. They’ll blame a third person as to why you weren’t invited.

    6. Extracting information than using it against you in front of others. Again they will use gossip, lies and private information, they will shame you in front of other people, in a way that those around you don’t see what they have done. But you know what they said, and if you ask them later about this, they will deny, to cause you to feel frustrated, angry, to doubt yourself.

    7. Devalue, so they’ll tell you that someone gossips behind your back, that they are no good for you, so you don’t trust that person believe the narcissist and cut the on-off the narcissist has informed you are gossiping. The narcissist might well have made up something you said, told that third person got their response of what they said about you, then come and tell you. As those words came from the third person, it sounds very believable. Again the narcissist misses the part of the story where they lied about what you said. They will say how bad it is someone had done something, and they know you have done it also, to make you feel shame. They will put you down via talking about a third party.

    If you are going through triangulation, Grey Rock or no contact them, do not react directly to them or in front of them and only respond if needed. Suppose you get chance to call them out on it when with the third person and the narcissist say. ” They informed me you’d said this about me is this true.” and watch the narcissist squirm. If they are using the court system to destroy you and triangulate you against others, stick to facts, try to have evidence, do not discuss anything with the narcissist everything via the solicitors and courts, speak to who asked you a question, do not look at or react to the narcissist. Keep control of your own mindset and avoid the traps of the narcissist. Remember they are doing it to use others, gain control of others and get a response. If at all possible no contact and take back control of your mind, narcissists are desperate to control the minds of all those around them. When you see the patterns they cycle around it becomes easier to break free

    No one is safe from the manipulation and triangulation.

    The best method to help with triangulation for you is to take yourself out of the triangle, grey rock or no contact, just remove yourself from the situation and stop playing. Narcissistic people find it incredibly hard to play their games with you when you’re no longer playing.

    Live for you and who you want to be, and you don’t need to people please, or be liked by everyone, the right people will love you for you.

    If you can not go no contact, it’s grey rock, remove negativity from your life to allow for positive more happiness in your life. The narcissist can not play you when you’re no longer willing to be a pawn in their games. Unfortunately, they may smear your name to victim play, just stay out of it, always trust your instinct, even when your unsure to what it’s telling you. It will become clear I’m time.

    Narcissistic triangulation.

    Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

    On Facebook. 

    On YouTube.

    On Twitter.

    On Instagram. 

    On Pinterest. 

    On LinkedIn.

    The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

    For the full course.

    Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

    For the free course.

    Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

    To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

    Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

    All about the narcissist Online course.

    Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

    The narcissists counter-parenting.

    Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

     

    The Narcissists Supply.

    Just like everybody needs a supply of air, narcissists need a supply of attention, no matter how much supply they have as they are envious of others they are always seeking more.

    The supply a narcissist is looking for depends on that individual narcissist and their beliefs. For some it can be attention, for others money, it can be positive attention, or sympathetic attention from pulling people in when the narcissist is playing the victim, or adoration and praise when the narcissist is gloating or exaggerating even taking credit for others achievements, with money it can be food, shelter, cars, holidays. It can be anything that a narcissist needs at that present moment in time, as they believe they’re entitled to just take, with a lack of empathy to care for who they hurt.

    Acts of service are a narcissists supply.

    Supply of physical attention. Narcissists want others to give the narcissist enough attention when the narcissists wants it, while expecting others just to know when to leave them alone when they don’t.

    Supply of attention, they expect others to know what time their favourite show is on, how much sugar they require in their drink, when their meal should be served, anything they don’t like chores, booking appointments they expect others to do it for them in advance, without bothering them about it, however as they are a self-entitled hypocrite, don’t expect them to do for you. At the same time, they expect you to bend over backwards and do it for them without complaining. However, if they want your undivided attention they’ll criticise you for making them a drink, booking that appointment for them when to them you should be spending time with them, they’ll not outright tell you, they have the face ache, the face on, sulk, silent treatment, or provoke you into reacting so the can blame your reactions, they’ll expect acts of service from you, in the idealisation they can plan a date you’ll love, or when they’re hoovering, future faking to get their needs met in the present, which is confusing when they plan a date but a date they want, then expect you to be eternally grateful. They bring it up at every opportunity. They’ll expect you to plan future dates, and they’ll happily complain at you. However you’ll not be allowed to complain to them, after the idealisation stage of the relationship, they’ll try to do the bare minimum.

    Supply of monetary attention. They’ll expect you to offer to take on financial support, or they’ll guilt trip you, as they believe they’re entitled to your money, your home, they take it as criticism when you ask them to pay you back, or pay their share, they’ll expect you to provide for them providing them with everything they require, giving excessive gifts, yet they’ll do little in return, if you question this, they’ll claim you’re ungrateful after all they’ve done for you, that selective memory they’ll bring up those breadcrumb moments of things they did in the idealisation or when they wanted something from you, yet forget all you’ve done for them, if they do for you it’s yo make you feel obligated, and they require eternal gratitude.

    Communication is critical in any relationship; however, a narcissist doesn’t like to communicate, at least not in the ways we do, they expect you to know. When you don’t know, and they feel threatened or abandoned, they like to manipulation to punish you while blaming you. To escape their feelings of entitlement that they could be ashamed about, they rationalise anything and blame anyone to escape any feelings of guilt or shame.

    As a narcissist often feels like others have all the luck, as they are preoccupied with getting their needs met, they don’t believe that common rules apply to them, many are arrogant enough to be unpleasantly proud of their behaviour believing others should serve them, unable or unwilling to recognise their own trauma, pain, insecurities, they’re almost like a bucket with holes in, no matter how much you try to fill them up, it always drains out, as they want to run from those negative thoughts and qualities within themselves they’re always seeking outside sources of supply, there are many insecure people who seek to help others to feel better about themselves, narcissistic people seek to take, hurt and destroy others to feel better about themselves, they are envious of other people’s happiness. Hence, they seek to steal that happiness for themselves.

    The more we give a narcissist, the more they feel entitled to take, never working harder to better themselves, always working harder to take from others.

    A narcissist will love bomb, idealise, mirror, future fake, all to exploit those around them, they isolate, triangulate, devalue, discard, smear, play the victim by gaslighting, projecting and blame-shifting to exploit those around them, they provoke, they sulk, they fall silent, invalidate to punish those around them, Those intermittent reinforcements of reward punish is who they are. It’s all designed to confuse and exploit others so the narcissist can get their needs met. With a narcissist it’s never about give and take, it’s about giving just enough in order to take, and then avoiding giving at all costs. They will only ever give. If they know they can take, they will breadcrumb others, so the narcissist has to do the bare minimum to exploit others.

    Whenever they are idealising, love bombing, mirroring, future faking, it’s to raise people’s hopes, raise peoples expectations, so when they invalidate, isolate, triangulate, people blame themselves and not the narcissist all done to lower people’s standards of behaviour they will and will not accept for those around them, making it easier for the narcissist to exploit others.

    A narcissist will shower you with attention, affection and support because they want attention, affection and support, then they’ll withdraw attention, affection and support to punish you for not supplying them, however, no matter how much you supply them it’s never enough as they seek external validation to hide their internal dialogue that they’re not good enough, that they hurt others, they don’t want to feel shame for their own hurtful behaviour, why they pass the blame.

    We can recognise people need support in life and support those around us. It’s harder to recognise people’s intentions behind their behaviour, other than looking at past patterns of behaviour.

    A narcissist requires adoration, they almost want people to worship them, often why their love bombing is so intense, as they seek the praise and attention from you, not because they care for you.

    As most narcissist always believe they’re right, even when you’re doing your best by the narcissist, if it’s not what the narcissist wants you’re wrong, they don’t see others perceptions only their own, or only if they can exploit another’s viewpoint to meet a need of their own.

    People have things happen in life, to a narcissist they’ve always had far worse than you or far better than you.

    Narcissists intentions are always for self-serving gratification.

    Narcissists usually need a primary source of supply, often the person they’re love bombing at that time, they can have secondary sources of supply, friends work colleagues, or they can have acquaintances.

    Narcissists believe they’re entitled to special attention, by playing the hero or playing the victim, due to their grandiosity their belief they are special, to distract themselves and others from their true intentions or actions. Seeking praise, they flatter people to gain a compliment as they seek special attention. A narcissist will do for others. However, they’ll expect eternal gratitude. If a narcissist isn’t happy ain’t nobody going to be happy.

    No matter what you provide for a narcissist they’re always going to be seeking more, projecting onto others as they don’t feel enough, they’re always seeking more, not to learn grow and help people, to destroy people.

    Remember givers have to set limits, people pleasers have to set boundaries, as narcissists will keep on taking to leave you with nothing.

    You can, and you will recover from this.

    With good intentions, there is no wrong way or no right way to live your life.

    The Narcissists Fuel & Supply.

    Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

    On Facebook. 

    On YouTube.

    On Twitter.

    On Instagram. 

    On Pinterest. 

    On LinkedIn.

    The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

    For the full course.

    Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

    For the free course.

    Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

    To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

    Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

    All about the narcissist Online course.

    Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

    The narcissists counter-parenting.

    Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

    The Narcissists Scapegoats.

    The narcissist’s scapegoat is often the person who gets blamed by the narcissist for all the narcissist’s mistakes, wrongdoings, flaws, faults, shame, the narcissists scapegoat is the person who the narcissist passes responsibility over to for the narcissist’s actions, the person who take the consequences for the narcissist’s actions, the person who is left with a damaged reputation due to the narcissists using the scapegoat to deflect negative attention away from the narcissist towards the scapegoat.

    The definition of the scapegoat child is someone who is assigned to take all the blame, to be the reason behind any family fallouts, anything that’s not going how the narcissist wants, it can happen to anyone within the family unit, or even a work environment when the boss makes one person to blame for any and all mistakes, even mistakes that have not happened. Within the dynamics of the family, friends or work the narcissist will try their absolute best to gather an army of enablers, their flying monkeys, to join in the narcissist’s games and cause more cognitive dissonance to the scapegoat.

    The scapegoat can be someone who doesn’t conform to the narcissist’s demands, doesn’t conform to the narcissist’s way of thinking, or someone, the narcissist, is envious of. The narcissist’s scapegoat can be someone the narcissist just doesn’t like or someone the narcissist fears might expose the narcissist.

    More often than not, scapegoats are justice seekers who by seeking justice can play straight into the narcissist’s games. Scapegoats tend to be.

    • Strong-willed.
    • Empathetic.
    • Aware of their own flaws.
    • Aware of their own mistakes.
    • Protective of others.
    • Justice seekers.
    • Emotionally reactive.

    Usually due to the narcissist blaming, humiliating, shaming, judging and criticism of the scapegoat, often the narcissist will have enablers joining in with this behaviour the scapegoat can feel like no matter what they do it’s never enough, full of self-doubt, ruminating over things they’ve said and done, fearful of speaking up as they can see many prospective and don’t want to hurt another’s feelings, or they can be stubborn and closed off, protecting their feeling due to the narcissists always using the scapegoats feeling against them, they can also be provoked easily when the narcissist goes after those the scapegoat cares for as they don’t want other to feel the pain, the narcissist has caused them.

    A narcissist will invalidate, shame, blame, criticise, ignore, dismiss, provoke, isolate, triangulate, humiliate the scapegoat, the narcissist will lie about the scapegoat to those around them, and they can turn entire families against the scapegoat, an entire work setting against the scapegoat, a narcissist can outcast a scapegoat.

    A narcissist often feels threatened by a scapegoat, either the scapegoat might expose them, the scapegoat is strong-willed so might abandon the narcissist or the scapegoat is doing well, so the narcissist feels envious. Therefore the narcissist will go all out to sabotage the scapegoat.

    With a narcissists projection the narcissists’ self-defence mechanism, they pass the blame for the narcissist’s intentions, feeling or actions and gaslight others into believing it’s the scapegoat’s intentions or feelings and not the narcissists. So the scapegoat often doubts themselves as those around them doubt the scapegoat also.

    It can be very lonely being the scapegoat, left feeling confused, hurt, angry, misunderstood, never feeling enough, no sense of belonging as they’re blamed and shamed for the narcissist’s failings.

    The narcissist tries to isolate the scapegoat, often with mass smear campaigns, and triangulation, turning loved ones, friends, family members, work colleagues against them, or causing so much doubt in the scapegoat’s mind, the scapegoat might self isolate not knowing who to trust.

    The scapegoat’s character is assassinated, not only internally from the mental torture from the narcissist, yet also externally when the narcissist slanders the scapegoat to all those who will listen.

    Scapegoats are never rewarded for good behaviour and often get dismissed, or told by the narcissist that they only achieved because of something the narcissist did, accomplishments are most often, ignored, Belittled or rejected. At the same time, any mistakes are heightened and used against the scapegoat.

    Scapegoats can learn to talk to themselves negatively as that’s they heard growing up, they might try to control other areas in their lives, including weight, so going on extreme diets to achieve rapid weight loss, to then gain it all back. OCD can develop in any area of life in order to keep control over anything they can, certainty is another human need, and when life is so full of uncertainty, which is another human need, yet because the balance is lost, scapegoats can crave to make things certain developing OCD, as they are so used to the uncertainty from others, they also tend to desire to re-create this too.

    What can you do?

    If the narcissist is smearing your name, step out of the picture and leave them to it, the gossip fades so much faster when you’re not reacting to anyone, I understand this is difficult when they are coming at you from all angles with so many soul-destroying games, it’s our instincts to want to defend ourselves, the best defensive with these kinds of people is simply not to play, not giving them any of your time or energy, focusing on you and your new life. It is hard when living in fear, the more you call the authorities if needed, the more you step away from the games, the easier it becomes, trying to explain to authorities that don’t seem to understand can be hard, just stick with “you’re in fear of your life and safety,” when you start going around in circles trying to explain, just explain you’re in fear of your life and safety and you want the authorities to help.

    When we are left with the negative talk that the narcissist has repeated time and time again, because we are so used to being spoken to in that way, most often we begin to talk to ourselves in that way, bringing ourselves down, that negative talk is played on repeat within our minds, often bringing ourselves down and sabotaging our own success, as hurtful as the narcissist is and as damaging as they are, sometimes it’s due to them being the scapegoat or victim of narcissistic abuse, and it’s all they know, a survival instinct that kicked In as a young child and stayed through excessive psychological abuse, the only real way to stop this going from family generation to generation is to stop it within you, remember it did not start with you. If it’s your parent, partner, boss, friend that narcissist will not end with you, however, you can stop it for you.

    You are learning how to recreate your inner voice to how you’d like people to speak to you, and how you should talk to yourself if you’re a people pleaser, a hurt person who tries to help people, start speaking to yourself how you choose to talk to others and lift them up. If you wouldn’t talk to another the way you are talking to yourself, stop talking to yourself in that way, takes practice however it works.

    Writing out any damaging negative thoughts someone else placed into you’re mind, who it was, and why they did it, so you have that visual, then writing the truth, as only you define you. You have strength, power and endurance within you, you are special, and you are kind. You can, and you will recover from this.

    The scapegoat.

    Narcissistic Manipulation Tactics.

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    Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

    Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.