7 Mind Games Narcissists Play. (Understanding Narcissism.)

People on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum lack empathy, so they do not care for the damage they cause to those around them. They lack feelings such as guilt or remorse. Most narcissistic people are extremely good at treating you better than anyone ever has, by mirroring all your likes and all your dislikes, then learning all your weaknesses to use them against you.

As narcissists are extremely good at mirroring others personality traits, we often don’t know what we are getting into until we are into deep, as we slowly accept the behaviour as normal over time and adjust ourselves to accept what we should have never accepted, yet because narcissists can play nice so well it’s extremely difficult to spot what you don’t know.

This is to help you understand what happens if you are out of the relationship, if you are thinking of leaving, or when getting into a new relationships, what to look out for.

The games a narcissist plays with you.

1. Narcissists want to know everything about you. When you first meet them, they don’t talk about themselves. They ask all about you. they want to know everything about you. Unless they’ve managed to suss you out over social media and asking your friends, they’ll sit and listen to you for hrs. This makes you feel heard, special and important to them. This makes you trust them. They do this so they can like all your likes and hate all your dislikes to make you think you’ve met somebody who truly understands you. Find out about any insecurities or weaknesses and use them against you later on.

How to notice this. Keep a strong eye contact at all times when they are asking you questions, those who counter your gaze pause for a two-way conversation and speak about themselves when asked don’t want to hide anything, those who bombard you with questions, and divert any you ask them or seem to over-exaggerate their answers, watch their eye movements and see if you feel comfortable with them or not. Your instincts will try to tell you something even if you’re unsure what it is.

How to disarm, ask them questions about them, try to strike up a two-way conversation.

2. They want everyone to know they are better than others, that they are superior. Most narcissistic people want to show off about any skill they have, the knowledge they know, achievements they’ve made. They feel superior to all others. They might lie about homes or cars they own. They might bombard you with information you know nothing about, so you don’t know if they are right or wrong.

How to notice. A Narcissist doesn’t like being questioned, so when you ask things like. “Wow, what job do you have to earn money for that.” Or asking them, “how do you know that.” You’ll see them either change the subject, get angry, or their lies will escalate.

How to disarm. Slow down the conversation and try to make it a two-way conversation. Ask questions, any words they use that you don’t understand, ask them the meaning. Manipulators hate being interrupted and hate having to explain themselves, especially if they don’t know the answer.

3. They overwhelm you with negativity, They want you to be sad and scared. They do this to further their control over you, as they find it easier to control those who are scared or sad. They do this by manipulating methods of silent treatments, threats, gaslighting, anger, triangulation. They might speak in a loud voice, speak over you, or show bad manners.

How to notice, this one is tricky as you’re usually in the relationship deeper than you should be, and like to give them the benefit of the doubt. When someone becomes overly aggressive or negative or twist things onto to you, when they are getting an opinion across, remain positive, add jokes if you can.

How to disarm. When dealing with this, stay calm and unaffected, ignore if you can, write down and focus on your reality. Focus on the positives. Take control back of your own mind.

4. They feed on your insecurities. Whatever your insecurities are, a narcissistic person will smell them from miles away. It seems they learn every weakness you have, then they rip them wide open and watch you bleed out. They will use them in conversation. They will prod and poke away at them. If one person’s fear is being cheated on, they’ll flirt with others right in front of you. If you’re not interested in that and wouldn’t put up with that, they wouldn’t do it. If one person’s fear is being isolated, they will go all out to isolate you, if you would never accept that or don’t fear that, they wouldn’t risk doing it, if your insecurities are on your own quality’s if being a parent, they will take you down, if you are happy with your parenting skills they’ll not use it, if it’s your weight they’ll use that and so one, they will use a person’s insecurities against that person’s first. They will try to make you insecure about other things.

How to notice, they almost look like they get a real kick out of your insecurities and pain most people would try to make you feel better, a manipulator will make you feel worse, they bring it up in front of others without it being directly about you, others will not know, yet you will know, see the narcissists reactions and change in energy, your instincts are telling you they almost look pleased, genuine people wouldn’t be pleased about your insecurities they’d want to help you feel better within yourself.

How to disarm. Work on yourself, control your own thoughts, write down your insecurities, then write the truth, (it’s usually a thought someone else put in your mind,) or fear of judgment, learn to listen to your instincts even if you’re not sure what they are telling you. Face those insecurities head-on, face the pain and deal with them, eliminating all your personal insecurities from your mind, no matter how hard.

“Your mind controls your emotions and you control your mind.”

5. They’ll act innocent. A narcissist is always the hero or victim yet never the villain. A narcissist is a con artist. Those who are extremely good at manipulation, they will convince others by deflecting, gaslighting and blame-shifting that they are the innocent party even when you have evidence to prove otherwise.

How to notice. They might act as if they appear sorry, yet they will tell you why it wasn’t their fault or find fault in you. They might act as if they are taking responsibility to meet their own needs, yet they’ll not learn from it, and they will do it time and time again. They will play victim, so others tell them it was never their fault. They will use reasoning, so you excuse their behaviour. So they escape accountability.

How to disarm. Write down the facts for your own reality check. Listen to your instincts. Become a private detective and investigate the truth without letting the narcissists know. Don’t show evidence alone, as some can be extreme in their reactions.

6. They twist all information. They will always twist words, facts and reality. They will create stories they will triangulate. They will provoke. They will play the victim and blame others. If you’re not careful, they will manipulate you into believing their stories. They will use gaslighting with words like. “That didn’t happen.” Or “I never said that.” Or “you’re crazy.” They will use triangulation ” my friend was allowed to do it.” Or “My ex didn’t mind.” To again make you doubt yourself and feel guilty for questioning them about something.

How to notice. Look for the credibility. If your instincts are telling you something isn’t right, listen to them.

How to disarm. Again write events down to keep your reality in check, gather evidence of triangulation, is used, try asking the other person about it in front of the narcissist.

7. They will put pressure on you. Manipulators will do their best to drive you crazy, to confuse you, to give you brain fog, to wear you down, so you give in. They prey on all your emotions, provoke fear and then give you relief. They will put so much into your mind. They will provoke you until you can no longer contain it, and you explode. Then they will blame you for your reactions.

How to notice, after an emotional outburst, when you are at your weakest, they will not support you, so it’s hard for you to make logical choices. Then they will ask you to do something for them, or give them something as you are more likely to agree as you feel you’re to blame, they will then play nice, lift you back up, to reinforce and control your mind it was all your fault, they gain control of your mind and slowly break down your boundaries.

How to disarm. Write down what they do to trigger an emotional reaction. If you react to them, write down what they ask for next. Learn to not react to them, learn to see what insecurities they used again, then work on finding ways to heal those insecurities so they can no longer trigger them, taking back control of your thoughts and your mind.

Narcissistic people don’t like those they can not manipulate or take control of their minds. So strengthening your mindset is key, controlling your emotions, finding ways to realise them if needed in a healthy way but never to the narcissist, until you do have control over them. Always retreat, rethink and only respond in needed. Keep taking those baby steps each and every day to get your life on track and take you on new adventures without negative, toxic, narcissistic people.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

7 Reasons Why Narcissists Like To Argue.

Why a narcissist likes to argue and what you can do about it.

It might seem that the narcissists default setting is to cause an argument, manipulate and twist everything around that they don’t want to take responsibility for back over you.

A narcissists ability to start an argument is incredible. If you don’t know what they are, you’ll probably think they could happily begin an argument in an empty room. They are not interested in an empty room. They are interested and reliant on others to give them praise, attention and emotional reactions to make the narcissist feel better within themselves. When a can not gain positive attention, then they’ll happily provoke negative. If they can not gain your admiration, they’ll go all out to provoke you so they can gain your frustration. As just like positive attention, negative attention is still attention to them. They prefer positive. If that’s not on offer, they’ll enjoy controlling your negative emotional responses. Narcissists love playing with and provoking people’s emotions, which drives them to get more of any attention.

A narcissist can easily cause an argument over anything, everything and simply nothing at all. If they wish to do so when they feel that positive attention is slipping away from them, they’ll happily cause you upset, frustration, anger, pain, resentment, jealousy, self-doubt as they will manipulate it all around to blame you for causing the argument in the first place. A narcissist will be extremely convincing in this as they believe you’ve not lived up to their unreasonable expectations due to their sense of entitlement, so they seek to punish you for not serving them.

You may not like how a narcissist thinks or agree with how they behave. Yet, as people with empathy for others emotions, we also understand everyone is entitled to their opinion. Although healthy people will take on board other people’s views, a narcissist cannot do that. To a narcissist, they’re always right and being wrong is always someone else’s fault making them right.

When you understand more of why they argue, you’ll be able to do more about it to help yourself. You’ll also find yourself less confused and start being able to think straight again.

Believe in yourself the dark cloud the narcissist gives you or left you with can and will lift.

So why do narcissists like to argue?

1. To provoke you.

Narcissists love to argue to provoke an emotional response from you, break your shell down and get those emotional reactions from you. All they are after is your emotional response to the argument, so if you give no reaction, be prepared for them to step it up a notch or two. Stay strong and do not react. Remember, by responding. You’re giving them exactly what they want. By staying quiet, you’re infuriating them. They are then trapped in their own disorder, trying to work ways to get you to react as narcissists believe they should be your centre of attention.

What the argument is about does not matter to the narcissist. It’s just their need to make you feel angry, frustrated, fearful, so whatever you say back, they’re not interested in the words, just the emotions from within those words. They’re not actually listening to you. You are wasting your breath while they get an emotional response from you. They will, of course, blame you for the argument because of your responses. By simply not responding, you are taking the narcissists ability away from them to argue, and that hurts the narcissist deeply. Therefore you get revenge without doing anything wrong. You’re just saving yourself an argument.

You don’t have to take part in ever argument you’re invited to.

E.S.

2. To recover from a narcissistic injury.

To close a wound. Suppose the narcissist feels like they’ve been criticised by you. They happily start an argument. Even if you didn’t criticise them intentionally, they either give you those silent treatments, violence or a massive argument. To gain emotional reactions from you and make themselves feel better. You can avoid this by not criticising them in the first place. Unfortunately, most of the time, you actually haven’t criticised them. They have just assumed with their own narcissism that you have. Again don’t respond, and if you feel the need to make sure any response is short, to the point and emotionless. They will try harder. If you stick to your own values boundaries, they will leave that argument alone. However, they may try another tactic to get a rise out of you.

3. Control.

Narcissists argue to gain control over you and all situations around them. They know you prefer living in peace. You just want a happy, stable and calm life. They know the only way you think you can achieve this, is to stop the argument, which you never can, as the more control they get, the more they raise the bar. To stop arguments, you might walk on eggshells. Giving up more and more of yourself trying to please them, slowly giving them more control of your life and everything in it, so that they don’t cause an argument. They don’t want you going out with other people. As this means your attention is not on them. It also means other people will get into your head and explain different opinions about situations, and they only want you to have their opinion. They don’t actually want to lose you as their main emotional response to them, as this takes time and energy away from them finding someone new. If they feel they’re losing control over you, they will find a replacement. They want to isolate you from friends and family, sometimes to confuse you more. They did not argue about what you actually want to do. They’ll cause an argument about something entirely different.

4. To place fear within you.

Narcissists intimidate to make you feel upset or frightened so that you no longer feel like you want to go out. Slowly giving you anxiety. They might be more direct, make the argument about the thing you want to do. Anything so you back down to keep the peace. They cause arguments as a method of intimidation to keep control over you. By not responding, you are sending them a signal that this method of control is not effective, so carry on With your plans and do not react. They will use children in this by been late to pick up or drop off. Not collecting children on pre-arranged days. Asking to have them on days they’ve not got them. Just to control your life. If you set routine and boundaries on access to when they see the children. So the children have stability and routine. Watch out because if your children are old enough and they know your children’s feelings are important to you, they will use the children to get to you. “ I was going to see you then instead, but your other parent wouldn’t let me”. Just remind your children about routine and stability. They will grow to realise one day. Yes, normal people can swap and change plans around, and without mind games, children will adapt to this. Sometimes stuff happens. But when the other parent is constantly trying to alter when they do and don’t see the children. It’s just another method of manipulation to get to you. Stay strong and stick to the routine and boundaries. If it helps you stick to the routine, Remember the fact that you’ve not responded and stuck with your boundaries, this will hurt them, and you’ve had a victory.

5. To invalidate you.

Narcissism wants to sabotage you, destroy your confidence, your ability and your self-worth. They argue with you to maintain they are more powerful than you and to keep their superiority. To make you feel worthless. The narcissist doesn’t have a sense of self-worth. They get self-worth by gaining power over those around them any way they can. By keeping you down, they believe and feel they are empowered, superior and better than you, giving them self worth. A Narcissist invalidating you is, in one sense, them showing they feel inferior to you. Those who are confident wouldn’t need to bring others down. Those who are arrogant will. People who have empathy to care that aren’t confident wouldn’t bring others down. Those who lack empathy will go all out to hurt another’s feelings.

6. Exhaustion.

The narcissist ability to argue is endless while they are gaining emotional response to you. They simply keep going to drain you, so eventually, you give in. Even giving in to things that the argument wasn’t about. They will continue the argument until you confirm, and once you have, they start the argument again to get you to agree or do another thing for them. By keeping an argument going, they are grinding you down and exhausting you. This method is great to them in making you less able to cope in day to day life and let down your defence. You don’t want to fight back, and you give in. This just helps the narcissist to manipulate you even more.

7. To win.

Narcissists aren’t looking to understand you, find a middle ground, compromise or play fair. They’re looking to exploit, and they’ll use many underhand manipulation methods to achieve this. They’re looking to be right, and within that, they’re going to go all out to make sure you feel like you’re wrong, through the narcissists gaslighting, projection and blame-shifting as they simply will no be held accountable for the things they do, instead they’ll find a scapegoat to shift the responsibility of the things the narcissist does wrong over to, making the innocent party feeling like they’re to blame and fawning to the narcissist’s behaviour to try and avoid future conflict.

Again to help yourself in this, recognise why they are causing the argument and do not respond in any way. Stick to your rules, your boundaries for your own sanity and self-worth.

During devaluation, they believe you do not know what they are, and during the relationship, they have slowly and carefully upped your emotional response to them. So they know you can not help yourself to respond. You’re own desire to get them to accept your version of events and your reality. You want them to see sense. They are not interested in any outcome, only your emotional response so they can maintain their power and authority over you. It is just trapping you into their minds and doing precisely what they want you to de by reacting, do not let them know you know what they are. Read all info you can on them, so you know how best to handle situations and do not react. In any argument, do not try to have the last word as the narcissist knows you’ll try to do that because they know you feel like you’ve not been heard and your right you haven’t. They are just enjoying the emotional response and manipulation.

Although you will really want to respond and end an argument, don’t. They are not interested in winning the argument, and they just want to win your attention and reactions. For You to react. For You to give power to them, for you to give in. The best way to win an argument with a narcissist is just not responding in any way, shape or form.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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When A Narcissist Reacts To Your Boundaries With A Boundary.

Any reaction to your boundaries by a narcissist is further manipulation of your boundaries.

When it comes to narcissistic people, they will go around many manipulation methods in order to take down your boundaries, to get their needs met. A fragile narcissist might go for the passive-aggressive silent treatments and sulks. Other narcissists can use this also. A narcissist might rage out at you, gaslight you with “you promised.” when you know you haven’t.” triangulate with. “Your brother would, my ex would.” to get you to compare yourself to others, they might project out on you and claim “, you’re selfish, you’re awkward.” They will do all they can to distort your reality, lie, deny, deflect and shift the blame. Narcissists go through many child-like tantrums to Break down your boundaries, one of these being the narcissist responding to your boundary by creating a boundary on you when they come at you with. “If you’re not going to do this, don’t expect me to do that.”

Personal boundaries are based around our beliefs and values, things that matter to us, that are of importance to who we are as a person. We can create many different boundaries.

Genuine people can often accept another’s boundary even if they disagree with said boundary, as they have the morals to accept another’s boundary.

Narcissistic people take others boundaries as criticism. One of the characteristics of the disorder is their sense of entitlement, so when someone says no to them, it questions their beliefs that they are superior and therefore entitled to have what they want, when they want, with their lack of empty means, they don’t care for how getting their needs met could hurt those around them.

Narcissists don’t respect others personal boundaries. They get offended by other peoples personal boundaries, often causing a narcissistic injury.

An injury is a physical trauma to the body with an external force, it can also be actions or words that trigger emotional trauma, and psychological trauma, emotional or psychological trauma can be just as painful as physical as it hits those same pain pathways within our brains, a narcissistic injury is often when you’ll witness a narcissist react negatively when, for seemingly no reason or in an everyday conversation, or asking them a simple question, the narcissist not getting what they believe they’re entitled to, the narcissist will suddenly, sulk, guilt trip, pitty play, triangulate, rage. They can go from sunshine and roses to hurricane category seven without warning in milliseconds, often leaving us feeling scared, confused, bewildered, wondering what on earth has just happened. As they believe you’ve turned against them, you’re not behaving how you should for them.

Some narcissists can play games for fun, others because they feel offended. When a narcissist feels offended by you, they’re going to become defensive towards you. Instead of talking to you to gain clarity and understanding, a narcissist is going to go all out to manipulate you, to get their own needs met.

As soon as you set boundaries on a narcissist, as soon as you reach your limit and say no, a narcissist could retaliate by setting a boundary on you.

A narcissists retaliation to your boundary is further manipulation.

A narcissist fires back a boundary to threaten us. “If you don’t, then I’ll not.” and it could be something they’ve already promised to do, so we’re left questioning if we don’t do that. They’re not going to do what they had already committed to doing for us, to make us feel obligated into breaking our boundaries to serve them. They do it to hurt us, make life hard for us, to intimidate us and punish us as they’ve suffered a narcissistic psychological injury.

A narcissist can ask to borrow your car, and you might need your car for work. They want your car for pleasure, so you naturally priorities as your employer expects you to turn up and work. In turn, they pay you, which often pays for the narcissist’s pleasures anyway, so you might just explain to the narcissist why you need the car. However, because a narcissist feels entitled to your car, they are going to be offended that you don’t think their need for your car is more important than your need of your car. They might then come at you with. “I hope your car breaks down. I hope you get stuck in traffic, don’t come to me when you need me to come and get you, don’t ask me for anything, don’t ever ask me to borrow my car.”

Privacy, with data, protected laws, you might have something on your works laptop that others can not see, a narcissist might want to borrow your laptop so you rightly say no and explain why, the narcissist might then come at you with. “Have you got something to hide, don’t ever ask to use my computer, don’t expect to use my phone. It’s a two-way street.”

You might allow the narcissist to use your phone as that’s not got data on that would put you in breach of your contract. Some narcissists will calculatedly ask to look at something they know would compromise you if you let them use it, a narcissist might then use that against you, “what would your boss think if they knew I’d seen?” if you don’t, they’ll use it against you. “Don’t ask to use mine.” as they might not be in breach of data protection. However, they can hide the calls, messages and photos of their new supply. Or the morally wrong things they do behind your back.

Some narcissists will set this up so they can hide things from you. However, as they are the self-entitled hypocrite, they’ll expect to look through your things while they’ll happily hide things from you.

As a narcissist is an untrustworthy person, they often don’t trust you, so they might get suspicious and create an argument with you right before an important meeting or a family event. Hence, you turn up all emotionally drained, and the narcissist then feels better because they’ve brought you down all. After all, you didn’t do as they say.

You might have a physical boundary. You might have had a long day and communicate that you want to relax. A narcissist will take this as you not giving them the attention they believe they’re entitled to. They might come after this attention. The more you ask them to leave you alone, the more they’ll come after you, so they can eventually turn it all around onto how “you’re selfish” and “don’t come to me when you want something from me.” to frustrate and punish you. They’ll suddenly need to talk to you about something. If you ask, it’ll be those. “You never listen to me, don’t come to me when you need to talk.” often, the narcissist projective gaslighting to make you feel bad. They probably didn’t have anything to talk about. They just want to get you going,

A narcissist feels entitled to ignore you, but they don’t feel like you are entitled to rest.

The narcissist might know you need to be somewhere, and they’ll claim they’ve got an important email that you should look at, and when you let them know you need to be somewhere, it’ll be those. “Oh, I knew I wasn’t important, don’t come looking to me when you need help.” you might ask them to read it out while you get ready, compromise, but they’ll come at you with. “No, I know when I’m not needed, don’t expect anything from me.”

Within a narcissistic relationship, there’s is usually a lot of financial abuse. When they ask to borrow money, and you say no, they’re going to make your financial life as difficult as possible.

How to handle.

1. Recognise boundary retaliation is manipulation so the narcissist can get what they want with little respect to who you are. Little to no empathy for your feelings.

2. Respect they have every right to set boundaries with you, just like you have every right to with them.

3. Realise that’s who they are as a person and slowly distance yourself from those who react to your personal boundaries.

4. Retreat, don’t take it personally.

5. Radical acceptance that’s who they are, a narcissists boundary retaliation says more about the person you’re dealing with than it ever will you.

Just because they don’t respect who you are, doesn’t mean you can’t respect yourself. By slowly walking away from those who expect you to be their and do everything for them while they seldom do for you.

You can and you will recover from this.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

9 Ways A Vulnerable Narcissist Could React To You Ending The Relationship.

When it comes to ending a relationship with someone who is entitled, exploitative, lacks empathy, you need to be careful how you do it.

Not all narcissists rage out at you when they fear losing control over you. There are many ways a narcissist will project that fear into you so they can regain control over you, to stop you from ending the relationship, at least until the narcissist can find a new supply and they end the relationship with you.

There are many methods a narcissist will use to keep you trapped within a relationship. Here are nine ways a vulnerable narcissist might use.

People not on the spectrum of the disorder can do these things, as they care about you because they desperately want the relationship to work. Narcissists use these to exploit you, to coercively control you, to deceive you and get their needs met by you.

A narcissist can seemingly sense when you’re about to end the relationship with them, so they can try many different covert methods to get you to stay.

1. Threaten to end the relationship.

As people can go through difficult times in a relationship and question if they should be in it, even when there is no emotional, psychological, physical abuse, therefore when someone wants to end a relationship with you, and you’re not abusive, you can relate to the doubts they are having not realising when it comes to a narcissist they’re not having doubts they’re manipulating. So when a narcissist threatens to end the relationship with you. We can question what we’ve done, how we can improve ourselves, question if we are the ones causing those issues within the relationship, question if we’re trying enough because we were thinking of ending the relationship.

A narcissist might not straight out end the relationship. They might say things like. “I love you, but I think we need a break. Perhaps you should move out for a while. Maybe we should see other people. Perhaps we need space.”

So you fear the relationship coming to an end, even though you might know within yourself the relationship needs to end, as you care for them, as you’re certain you are in a relationship, change is hard enough on its own, it’s even harder when the choice is taken away. It’s very difficult to end a relationship with someone you thought you’d build your life with, someone you care for, even when they don’t care for you.

When a narcissist threatens to end a relationship with you, and you stay, you’re going to have to live up to their unrealistic demands of you as they punish you for not living up to their expectations and threaten to end it every time don’t hit their unreasonable demands of you.

A narcissist only finds it hard to end a relationship if they haven’t got supply coming from elsewhere.

2. beg and plead with you to stay.

A narcissist might beg you not to leave. They might plead with you to give them yet another chance. They might beg you to let them put things right. They might guilt trip you with crocodile tears, and pity plays to pull on your compassion for walking away.

3. The guilt trip.

When a narcissist is committed to misunderstanding you claiming you misunderstand them, then when you’re thinking of ending the relationship, they’ll say things like. “I thought you got me, I thought you loved me.” or “after all I’ve done for you to create feelings of obligation within you.

Remember, when it comes to dealing with a narcissist, they only do for you so they can get something in return from you.

If you have children with a narcissist, they will use those children to guilt trip you with their lines of “what about the children.” so you feel compelled to stay for your children. Not realising the narcissist doesn’t care for those children, they care to exploit the children to get their own way.

4. Promise to change.

A narcissist will suddenly want to buy your time with those false promises of change, or they’ll suddenly start wanting to do all those things you wanted to do with them that they didn’t want to do with you. A narcissist might promise to seek help and support, to go to therapy, however as soon as you give a narcissist a chance, they just change back into who they are, the person you wanted to leave, they find excuse after excuse to justify why they haven’t gone to therapy, haven’t changed.

A narcissists future faking Hoover, when they promise to go to therapy in the future to get their own way in the present, then when the future becomes the present, a narcissist will claim, “I never said that.”

Once you stay or go back, they don’t change because they got their needs met.

5. Future faking.

A narcissist will ask you not to break up with them over a silly disagreement. They might appeal to popular opinion claiming relationships are hard work, people fall out all the time, claim you’re going through a rough patch. Things will get better. However, when you are with a narcissist, things only ever get better temporarily while they meet a need of their own, then once their needs are met, things only ever get worse. Narcissists might promise to get married, look at buying a house, have a baby, go on holiday, ask what you’d like, yet as soon as they suck you back in, their behaviour gets worse.

6. Start encouraging you to do all the things you love to do.

Where once they started random arguments to stop you from doing the very things that make you who you are, the things you enjoy, the things that fill you with joy, suddenly they’re going to encourage you to do these things again, they’ll keep you that tired through conflict through sleep deprivation. They’ll get you that drained you no longer know who you are, no longer feel like you have the time to see your friends and family, they devalue your hobbies, they get you to question yourself, “is that course really for you.” then when you’ve finally had enough of not being able to live a free life they’ll say, “perhaps you should go out more, maybe you should look into that course, I can help with the children/home while you study.” the narcissist wants to appeal to your dreams, to give you that false sense of hope.

7. They start doing all the things you wanted to do.

In the beginning, when they were selling themselves to you, selling your dreams to you, future faking with you, and because they were selling you an illusion to get their needs met, once their needs were met, they stopped doing these things with you, to then breadcrumb you back into the relationship to give you the false hope, they’ll start doing all the things they said they would do. As soon as their feet are back under that table, they change the game on you.

8. Play the victim.

When they come at you with. “How could you of all people do this to me.” they might threaten to take their life. They will do all they can to guilt-trip you into helping them. They might have a sudden life-threatening illness that later down the line you discover they didn’t have at all.

It’s hard to walk away from someone you care for who is threatening to take their life. A narcissist wants to use this, so you feel responsible and fear what they might do if you leave, call ONE of their family members or ONE friend, report to local authorities to help them, ask yourself would they genuinely be there for you if you needed them if there was nothing in it for them?

9. They suddenly need you.

When in the relationship you couldn’t do right for doing wrong, then when you want to end the relationship. The once seemingly independent narcissist might suddenly need your help around the home to fix their car. They’ll be full of gratitude and praise towards you. They will play the victim to get you to come and help them. Once they have open communication with you, they’ll go overboard with flattery, telling you how well you work together, look at what you could have together. To keep you trapped in the relationship.

As soon as you take a narcissist back, they change back into the person you were trying to leave.

You can not help those who are only using the fact they need help to exploit you, not to get the help they need to change.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.