6 Lies Narcissists Tell About You During a Smear Campaign (And the One That Hurts the Most)
When a relationship with a narcissist ends, the abuse often doesn’t stop. It simply changes form.
Instead of private manipulation, it becomes public narrative control.
If you’ve noticed people acting differently around you… if rumours have surfaced… if your character feels quietly questioned behind your back — it may not be coincidence.
It may be a smear campaign.
Narcissists don’t just leave relationships. They attempt to control the story after them. And the lies they spread are rarely random. They are strategic, chosen to damage your credibility while protecting their image.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
Here are six of the most common.
1. “They Have an Addiction.”
This is one of the quickest ways to weaken someone’s credibility.
Alcohol. Drugs. Gambling. Pornography.
Even vague suggestions of “a problem”.
Addiction accusations plant doubt instantly. People may think, “Well… we don’t really know what goes on behind closed doors.”
The power of this lie is that it doesn’t require proof. It only requires suspicion.
Once doubt is introduced, your version of events becomes easier to dismiss.
2. “They’re Financially Unstable.”
This rumour reframes the narcissist as the responsible one.
They imply you’re irresponsible, struggling, dependent or reckless with money. It positions them as the stable provider who “tried to hold everything together.”
Financial stability is closely tied to perceived maturity and competence. By questioning yours, they subtly elevate themselves.
It flips the power dynamic in their favour without directly attacking you.
3. “They Were the Abuser.”
This is projection at its clearest.
They accuse you of being controlling. Toxic. Aggressive. Manipulative.
If you attempt to defend yourself emotionally, that reaction is used as confirmation.
“See? This is what I had to deal with.”
The trap is simple:
You defend → they point to your emotion as proof.
This tactic is powerful because it creates confusion. Outsiders often struggle to distinguish between the real aggressor and the reactive victim.
4. “They’re Mentally Unstable.”
This one is particularly damaging.
You’re described as dramatic. Paranoid. Overly emotional. “Crazy.”
Once someone’s mental stability is questioned, everything they say becomes suspect.
Context disappears.
History disappears.
Patterns disappear.
The focus shifts from behaviour to your reaction.
And that shift protects the narcissist.
Gaslighting within the relationship often transitions into reputation gaslighting afterwards.
5. “They’re Obsessed.”
This accusation often appears when you’re trying to process what happened.
They claim you can’t let go. That you’re stalking them. That you keep contacting them.
What they don’t mention is the trauma bond. The confusion. The unanswered questions. The emotional whiplash.
Attempts to seek closure or clarity are reframed as obsession.
Why?
Because it protects their ego.
If you’re “obsessed,” then they remain desirable and powerful. If you’re healing, they lose narrative control.
6. “They’re Bitter and Jealous.” (The Most Subtle — and Often the Most Damaging)
This one rarely sounds dramatic.
If you speak up, you’re bitter.
If you set boundaries, you’re jealous.
If you warn others, you’re resentful.
This rumour is effective because it reframes strength as weakness.
It makes assertiveness look like envy.
It makes self-protection look like insecurity.
Unlike the more obvious lies, this one can quietly stick — because it sounds plausible.
And that subtle plausibility is what makes it so damaging.
Why Smear Campaigns Begin
Smear campaigns rarely start randomly.
They usually begin when:
- You question them
- You set limits
- You stop complying
- You see through the manipulation
- You walk away
When you threaten their image or control, narrative protection begins.
A narcissist’s identity is often heavily invested in how others perceive them. If their mask slips in private, they compensate publicly.
The rumours aren’t about who you are.
They’re about regaining control.
Why You Must Not Chase Every Lie
The instinct to defend yourself is natural.
You want to correct the story.
You want people to understand.
You want fairness.
But constantly chasing rumours can exhaust you — and sometimes feed the narrative that you’re “unstable” or “obsessed.”
This doesn’t mean staying silent in situations that require legal or professional defence. It means understanding the psychology behind the tactic.
Smear campaigns rely on emotional reaction.
Consistency disrupts them.
Over time:
Patterns expose projection.
Calm exposes chaos.
Stability exposes manipulation.
The people who genuinely observe behaviour — not gossip — will eventually see the difference.
The Long-Term Reality
Smear campaigns are powerful in the short term.
But they are difficult to maintain long term.
Why?
Because they require sustained distortion. And distortion eventually creates inconsistencies.
People begin noticing contradictions. Stories change. New targets appear. The same patterns repeat.
The narcissist often moves on to rewriting someone else’s character.
And that is usually when perspective shifts.
The Truth You Need to Hold Onto
If this has happened to you, it does not mean you’ve lost your reputation.
It means you threatened someone who survives on image.
It means you stopped playing a role in a narrative that benefited them.
It means control was slipping.
You cannot control what they say.
You cannot control what everyone believes.
But you can control your behaviour, your boundaries and your consistency.
Reputation built on integrity is slower to construct — but harder to destroy.
And in time, truth has a way of revealing itself without force.
Smear campaigns are not about justice.
They are about self-preservation through distortion.
And that says far more about them than it ever will about you.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
Advertisements
Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
