The Smear Campaign and Triangulation:
It often doesn’t start with an argument.
It starts with something that makes you pause for half a second and think, That’s odd… but you brush it off because you don’t yet have the words for what you’re experiencing.
You notice people acting differently. Conversations feel shorter. Messages don’t get replied to the same way. Someone who used to check in regularly suddenly sounds distant, polite, guarded.
And you’re left wondering: Did I do something wrong?
That moment — that quiet confusion — is often the beginning of a smear campaign.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
“But They Used to Say They Didn’t Like Them”
One of the strangest parts is realising the narcissist is suddenly close to people they once criticised.
The friend they said was “toxic”.
The family member they “couldn’t stand”.
The person they rolled their eyes at every time their name came up.
Now they’re chatting. Meeting up. Sharing concern.
You find out accidentally. Someone mentions it in passing. Or you see it online. And there’s that internal jolt: Why are they talking?
You replay old conversations in your head.
You said they were manipulative. You said they were fake. You said you didn’t trust them.
But now they’re allies.
That’s often when the unease starts to harden into something heavier.
“I Heard You’re Not Doing Very Well”
Smear campaigns rarely arrive as accusations.
They arrive as concern.
Someone says, “I hope you’re okay,” but it sounds… different. Careful. Measured. Like they’re watching you.
Or you hear second-hand:
“They said they’re worried about you.”
“They said you’ve been struggling.”
“They said they didn’t want to say anything, but…”
Nothing concrete. Nothing you can point to and challenge. Just enough to make you feel exposed.
You realise people are discussing you — not with you.
And you weren’t invited into the conversation.
When You Try to Explain — and It Gets Worse
At some point, you try to clear the air.
You explain calmly at first. You share context. You think, Once they understand, this will make sense.
But instead of relief, you notice subtle shifts.
Someone listens but doesn’t reassure you.
Someone nods but doesn’t ask questions.
Someone later repeats your words… slightly wrong.
And suddenly you’re explaining again. And again.
Each time, you feel more emotional. More tired. More desperate to be understood.
Meanwhile, the narcissist appears calm. Reasonable. Unbothered.
And without realising it, you’re being cast into a role you never agreed to play:
The unstable one. The dramatic one. The problem.
“They Just Seem So… Nice”
This is one of the most painful parts.
You hear people say things like:
“They’ve been really kind.”
“They just want peace.”
“They don’t seem like the type to do that.”
And you sit there thinking:
If only you knew what it was like behind closed doors.
But you also know — instinctively — that pushing harder will only make things worse.
Because the more emotional you sound, the more it fits the picture that’s already been painted.
Your pain becomes proof.
Their calm becomes credibility.
That’s triangulation at work.
The Information Leak You Didn’t Consent To
Another “yes, that happened” moment?
Realising personal things you shared privately are now floating around.
Things you said in confidence.
Things you cried about.
Things you were ashamed of.
They come back to you softened, sanitised, reworded — always in a way that makes you look fragile or unreasonable.
You never gave permission for your inner world to become a group discussion.
But it did anyway.
And once you notice it, you start saying less. Sharing less. Trusting less.
That’s not paranoia. That’s self-protection kicking in.
When You’re No Longer the One People Check On
There’s a moment many survivors describe quietly, almost apologetically.
The moment they realise no one is asking how they’re coping anymore.
People check on them.
People support them.
People worry about their wellbeing.
And you’re expected to be “the bigger person”.
You’re told:
“Just ignore it.”
“Let it go.”
“Don’t stoop to their level.”
But no one acknowledges what it cost you to get here.
The loneliness of that stage is heavy — because you’re grieving not just the relationship, but the loss of shared reality.
The Slow Realisation: This Isn’t About Truth
At some point, usually when you’re exhausted, something clicks.
You realise this was never about who was right.
Or what actually happened.
Or mutual understanding.
It was about controlling the story.
Speaking first.
Sounding reasonable.
Positioning you as the reaction — not the cause.
That realisation hurts, but it also brings clarity.
Because once you see that this is a narrative game, you stop trying to win it.
Choosing Silence When You Have So Much to Say
One of the hardest “yes, that happened” moments is choosing not to defend yourself — even when you could.
You bite your tongue.
You stop correcting.
You let misunderstandings exist.
Not because they’re true.
But because you finally understand the cost of engagement.
You realise peace doesn’t come from being believed by everyone.
It comes from no longer bleeding in public.
And slowly, you start redirecting your energy:
Into healing.
Into grounding.
Into people who don’t need convincing.
The Aftermath No One Talks About
Smear campaigns leave residue.
Even after things quieten down, you might:
Second-guess yourself.
Replay conversations.
Feel hyper-aware in social spaces.
That doesn’t mean the smear “worked”.
It means you went through something psychologically destabilising.
With time, consistency, and distance, patterns emerge.
People notice things you never pointed out.
The mask slips — not dramatically, but quietly.
And by then, you’re no longer standing in the middle of it.
If This Sounds Familiar
If you recognised yourself in this — especially in the small, quiet moments — you’re not imagining things.
Smear campaigns don’t feel like movies.
They feel like confusion.
Like grief without language.
Like watching doors close without knowing why.
And choosing not to participate in that chaos isn’t weakness.
It’s the moment you stop handing your nervous system over to someone else’s need for control.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all — and walk away with your self-respect intact.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
