Narcissistic ex, when they leave you empty and broken.

Left empty and broken, lost so much of yourself and your belongings, there is a way back, first you need to believe in you, then you need to believe in your future, picture where you want to be, then start making steps to get yourself their all is not lost.

Baby steps are key.

John Heywood the English playwright quote.

“Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying bricks every day.”

So remember that every day, take another step forward, doesn’t matter if you take a couple back we all make mistakes, just learn from them and drive yourself forward from them.

Albert Einstein quote.

“In the middle of difficulty lies great opportunity.”

So you may have hit rock bottom, what happens when you do, stay down and sink? NO,

You rise back up to a bigger and better version of yourself, learn the lessons your life journey has given you then drive yourself forward.

Find your passion, it’ll give you your purpose. find what you truly love doing, then create your vision, then take those steps to make it a reality.

Aim for the best possible version of yourself and your new found life vision, learn from each setback, then drive yourself forward to achieving, when you get the best keep going to get better.

Ignore all those haters, we’re not designed to get along with everyone, we’re not designed to please everyone, follow your instinct, listen to it and keep going, respect and listen to others, if it didn’t sit right with who you are and your instinct, let it float away. There will always be those around you that say, I don’t think it can be done, I think it’s impossible, listen to them, learn from them, then go show them that the impossible is possible.

Edison said when he invented the light bulb with 1000 attempts at making it. “I didn’t fail 1000 times, it was invented with 1000 steps.” Keep going until you get that break, keep trying new ways to teach that vision, don’t ever give up on yourself.

Go all the way, don’t think small, think big. then take the small steps to get big, then when you get there to go again, change it up, make it bigger and better than it was before.

Work at it until you can work no more, then rest get up early and go work more and more and more, keep going, keep driving yourself forwards. Hard work and consistency, will get you to where you want to be, believe in yourself.

Share, give something back, don’t ever just take, give back to those in need, give back to those who give to you, when it comes to change for a better you. It’s down to you to dig deep and achieve, no matter where you want to be. Then when you have, show others they can too,

Believe in you, you can and you will.

Narcissistic people, how the change from black to white so fast

Without any great reasons, a narcissist can be so quick to one minute treating you so right, then without even the blink of an eye, treating you so badly. They just seem to flick a switch on and off. So fast you fail to see what’s happening.

They turn on and off, on and off towards you in an instant.

From loving you to hating you to then loving you and straight back to hating you,

A fast shift from happiness to sadness, pleasure to pain.

Treating you so nice, then out of nowhere, just being nasty than when they want something from you back to being nice, then in a flashback to nasty.

One minute they are fine and full of smiles towards you, the next without warning outcomes those evil glares.

Suddenly gone is all the affection, and all your left with is horrible silence, or anger and aggression.

The traumatic shift in the speed of which they change how they are towards you leaves you bewildered and questioning so much about yourself.

One minute you’re chatting away, even laughing, the next compete silence, which then leaves you asking them.” What’s wrong?” “ have I done something to upset you?” Which they respond with no response, just more silence, Leaving you questioning, what just happened? What did I do?

You might have completed them, in front of the children, or friends them when you look, they have that horrible glare towards you, or everyone chatting nicely, then out of nowhere a subtle yet cruel put down, That those around you, don’t even understand.

Or one minute you’re taking nicely, the next out of nowhere, they raise there voice and out comes a barrage of verbal abuse, leaving you to defend yourself, all whilst wondering, what just happened?

When you ask them, to get clarity of the situation, and what’s just happened, it just seems to irritate them all the more. You just want to know what’s happening. Whilst they just want to provoke you all the more.

You may have heard them. “ you should know what’s wrong.” Just before they punch a wall, smash a plate, throw their food, slam a door and stomp off with the incredible sulk.

So why without reason to you? Do they change so incredibly fast?

It’s simply because our view of relationships, communication and reality are so completely different from the narcissists.

They’ve just manipulated you into a false reality, through the golden period, for you to now live in their false reality of, which is both, nightmare and fairy tale, they dragged you into the false reality that is the narcissists’ world.

What happens to you and around you during a relationship with them, makes no sense to normal empathetic people, yet it makes complete sense to a narcissist, why?

They might suddenly remember something you said two weeks ago that criticised them in some way, they will have flicked the switch at that time, as they’ve been reminded in some way, they flick it again. Then their rage appears to draw more emotions from you, They believe you weren’t laughing hard enough at their joke, you didn’t laugh loud enough, therefore, you failed to provide the positive energy that they required at that moment, they then take this as a criticism and a challenge. You may have completed them on one thing, but they forget that, as you didn’t complete them an what they wanted, you should know what they want, so they again feel criticised and take it as a challenge,

not that they’ll ever let you know that. You’ll have no clue as to what’s caused them to react that way towards you. No, they’ll just reduce you to tears and gain those emotional reactions that way. Also to gain more power and more control over you.

Because of their narcissism, they’ll shift and alter, depending on how they feel in the moment and what they take as a criticism, what you did well for them last week, you failed this week.

It’s their self-defence and they have to do it fast, confuse you, gain emotions from you, feel better about themselves, get control and power over the situation and over you.

Narcissist ex recovery, when you’ve endured so much pain.

When you’ve had the willingness and ability to endure suffering to help others, not having a day off in years, because your so determined to make the relationship work, to help them any way you can, to change everything about you to make that relationship last. Wow, you are amazing, you are strong and you are full of character, to not only endure that pain but to keep going to try and build on those hopes and dreams.

Then the real journey begins, when you wake one morning, to realise you were so driven and focused to make it work, in that journey, you’ve lost yourself along the way. You have run out of ideas, you have no more to give, you’re simply sick and tired of being sick and tired. You’ve had enough of that emotional rollercoaster and it’s been one heck of a ride, you’ve had enough of going around in circles and getting nowhere,

You finally hit a wall, you finally get mad with yourself for allowing yourself to take part, you’re no longer willing to play along with their sick and twisted games, that you now clearly see for yourself, and as hard as it is, as painful as it it, you take that last little bit of your strength that remains deep inside, and you let go, you’re that miserable you have no choice but to quit.

Then once out you’re left wondering, who are they? What are they? Who am I? What actually happened? You start to search for answers and discover the truth, you see exactly who they are, what they do, why you feel how you do.

Then the real journey begins, lessons learned along your life’s journey, you’re getting stronger and wiser every day, step by step building yourself, and your life back up, into who you want to be and where you want to go, making new dreams and new destinations.

The questions you ask yourself now, those answers you give yourself now, will determine, the course of your new life. You’re wiser than you were before, listen to your instinct, listen to yourself. So you might have been asking yourself. What can I do to make the narcissist happy? Then you did it, then you found yourself circling around changing time and time again and getting nowhere. Now start asking yourself. What can I do to make me happy? The then take action on it and keep going until you find what things make you happy, what you’re passion is, rediscover, your own values, your own dreams, your own boundaries, your own loves, you might think you walked away from the relationship, an empty shell of your former self. Stop and think of it as. I can start over from scratch, so much wiser than I was before, I can fill myself up with who I want to be, what I want to do with my life.

So now you need to hold your head high, put in maximum effort into yourself, then keep going. It doesn’t matter where you’ve been or what you’ve been through, the past is in the past, it doesn’t tell you where you’re going to end up, it doesn’t have to define you, all you need to take from it, is the lessons learnt of people you no longer want to associate yourself with anymore, take from it, just how amazing, patient, strong, loving and kind you truly are. Your potential is limitless, everything you do now, you have a choice, because of your past you’ll listen to that gut, and you’ll make wise choices, grow into a stronger happier person than you ever was before.

Remember it’s not about who you are today, it’s about who you want to become, then when you get there, it’s about what you want next, keep going, keep driving yourself forward, to achieve great things for you.

Believe in yourself, you can and you will.

Remember, Albert Einstein’s quote.

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

You are limitless, keep going, you’ve got this.

Narcissist ex, silent treatment.

Narcissist and silent treat, this is mental abuse and is one of the narcissist favourite methods of manipulation, it’s to torture for your mind, it takes away your self-confidence, your self-esteem, leaves you in pain and leaves you powerless. The silent treatment is devastating,

A narcissist is all about control, it’s to tell you, you’re beneath them and you need to be punished until you conform,

The narcissist will never admit they fear anything, yet with the silent treatment, they deploy it as they fear, being wrong, they fear openness, they fear to be vulnerable, so they need to make you feel like your the problem, so they blame it all on you. It’s to shame and manipulate you into conforming to their demands. The silent treatment is So you shut your mouth and conform.

The narcissist can give the silent treatment for hours, days, weeks or even months, normal people do use the silent treatment also, normal people, do it because they are genuinely Hurt, and unable to talk about why. need to figure some stuff out, then they’ll communicate with you again.

Narcissist do it to hurt you,

It causes you frustration and pain, silent treatment causes your brain to hurt the same way as physical pain, because you are wired to be part of a group, to be around others. Silent treatment gives you emotional pain, you start blaming ourselves, you start looking for reasons and the narcissist will come back and use them reasons, so they gain more control as you change whatever they want you to, so you avoid any further silent treatment, of course a narcissist, will not stop, they’ll give you the silent treatment again. The silent treatment causes you to feel annoyed and get angry, so they can blame you.

Don’t play the game with them anymore, as they take great delight in your reactions to the silent treatment.

You can not say anything to change it the narcissist enjoys it.

You can not change a narcissist, you tried to be normal and healthy, within the relationship, you can not give an unhealthy person, Normal healthy values, they don’t get it. You can not say or do anything to change them. It’s all one big game to them,

You often end up, being the one apologising to the narcissist.

Narcissist are limited people, they can not compromise, they can not see someone else’s point of view, they don’t have the empathy.

Its time to work on you, you don’t need to comply or join in with the narcissist games, they try to turn you into someone you’re not.

you’re in charge of your peace and calm, it is given to you by you.

Grey rock if you’ve got children, keep conversation to a minimum and only about the children. no contact if not.

Narcissist ex, stay no contact.

No contact, if you can that’s the best,

If you have children, grey rock.

There is the various posts on hear and all over the internet about both of these. this ones a little different to what’s out there. What I found worked for me.

Now because of all those highs and lows, that’s leaves your brain with the trauma bond, because they can be really nice people some times, and perhaps we don’t want to admit to ourselves that people like this exist, especially if you have children with them, to begin with, it’s incredibly hard to stick to no contact, especially when they come back all sweetness and light, or you have children and you want them to have a good parent, so you reach out time and time again just to be slated.

You’ve changed for them so many times, you’ve tried to communicate so many different ways and nothing works. So what works with these people.

Every villain has a nemesis,

With a narcissist it’s no reaction, their souls slowly wither if they getting no reactions, no doubt they go find it elsewhere, but, no reaction is the karma, they hate it when you treat them to the silent treatment they taught you oh so well. I slipped up with these loads, but you do get it and life becomes so much more peaceful, I actually ended up at one point looking at them with pity, knowing they can never find true happiness. The narcissist karma, for all they put you through.

A narcissist wants to be the start of their own movie, the also want to direct, edit things out, chose the audience, yet without an audience that movie is nothing.

So to movies I used to help me stick to grey rock, boundaries and routine, no matter what the narcissist throws, plus lots of counteracting that negative with the children, teaching the boys about opinions, boundaries and routine without bad mouthing the parent to them at all, they get enough of this from the narcissist. as the children still visit that narcissist, limited contact is a must for their mental health. Some children can not have contact if the safe guarding is to big, I’m keeping a very close eye on the boys incase i can no longer counter act.

Gremlins, if you’ve seen it. I like to think upon my ex-narcissist as that loveable cute gremlin, that you have no choice but to walk away from as, if not looked after properly they self destruct because they have little self-worth deep down. They don’t know how they want to be treated so, you’ve got no chance of doing that right, you also don’t need a toddler throwing a massive tantrum all the time in an adults body, which is basically what narcissists do. They spit the dummy out at every given opportunity, leaving you feeling confused and crazy.

Gizmo.

What are the rules? no water on gizmo. What happens when water gets spilt on gizmo, they multiply and five more form from gizmo back. The trouble makers led by stripe.

Narcissist, what are the rules? don’t question them about any wrongdoing. They have multiple personas they go through, and throw straight back at you to avoid accountability. Perhaps you have evidence, wow they’ll still deny. How it goes down, you probably remember all too well.

They go through.

Blame shifting, projection, word salad.

Then comes the anger,

Then comes the rage,

Then comes the silent treatment, which of course if you cave, grovel and apologise at any point they might stop. If not they’ll pedal through them all until the silent treatment drives your thoughts crazy, you believe you was at fault and you apologise.

Gremlins rule, don’t feed after midnight. When fed after midnight they turn into the nasty gremlins and torture poor gizmo,

The narcissist after the golden period, if you criticise them, either without even knowing because of their own insecurities or if you try to have a rational conversation about something like normal peoples. Where they believe you are wrong, They start with all of the word salad then, if you react it’s all your fault, if not, they cycle through the, blame shifting, anger, rage and silent treatment. slowly but surely, small subtle things to tortures your mindset, so you end up not knowing if you’re coming or going, if you’re right or wrong, even believing your the crazy one, believing you’re in the wrong, they keep going until you conform, then they up the game on you what was right last week, is no longer right this week, no matter what you do, it’ll never ever be good enough for their own tortured soles, they don’t think anything’s wrong with them, to them everybody else is to blame, for all their problems, love will not fix them.

Or just like spike in the movie, who cuts the power to the alarm clock to trick billy into feeding them after midnight, them Covina appear out hatch the monsters that torture gizmo and try to kill billy mother.

Narcissist, try to cut you from all friends and family, from your support system. trick you with gaslighting and manipulation, to slowly torture your inner soul without you even knowing, slowly but surly changing your mindset, so you conform to them, killing of who you truly are.

Gremlins, bright light hurts them,

Narcissist your knowledge hurts them when you start waking from that trance they’ve manipulatively placed you in, back comes that cute little gizmo and the golden period, just long enough to manipulate you some more and to send you under again. Some more highs and lows to strengthen that trauma bond and boom stripe is back,

Whilst a narcissist is getting supply from others, just like spike in gremlins, the narcissist keeps going tormenting new people to get their needs met.

Sunlight kills gremlins.

Exposing a narcissist takes all their false self away to all those around them, which kills them on the inside as they live off that false persona.

So when you do work them out, they’ll be fast to smear your name, keeping themselves unaccountable, they will discard you. They will threaten you.

If a narcissist hasn’t got others lined you to draw emotions from, no reactions from you or anyone is like sunlight was to the gremlins.

As they are left with their own tortured sole.

So when they reappear, so cute, so loving so kind, so caring, promises to change, stick to grey rock or no contact if possible.

One day you’ll look at them with a what the hell was I even thinking? when you know how ugly they are on the inside, you realise just how ugly they are on the outside.

They are vampires in the flesh, no not the Edward out of twilight, more of the Arlo.

They literally suck everything from you, stealing your mind, your heart, your belongings and some even manage to keep the children from you, we know that children are not your property or theirs, yet they take your rights away to nurture and raise those children in to happy healthy adults, if this is you, get better then fight all the way and get those children back under a safe loving roof.

They might not suck your blood, but they might as well, as they leave you so drained and tired you’re lost, I was hit with illness after illness whilst in the depths of the relationship, from pneumonia and pleurisy. To food poisoning, Campylobacter. My own dad actually asked at the time if they’d poisoned me, which was a joke, but with these people, please be careful. Narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, What was worse I was wiped out for months? Yet I had to carry on with work, household chores and taking care of the children. As of course I was the one paying all the bills. That was perhaps one of the hardest times of my life, I learnt that no matter how hard life can be, you can always make it through whatever life throws at you. You may not always see the lesson at the time, but no matter how hard, you’ll see one day, you’d not be as strong or as wise if it wasn’t for your past. You truly are an amazing, loving, patient kind person, for trying to help the narcissist, but unfortunately, you can not. So now is the time to cut them loose, let them go, no contact or grey rock is a must for your own sanity.

A lady sat on a delayed train from Manchester to London, and started to write on napkins, divorced from her husband, diagnosed with clinical depression, no job and a child to take care of, she got turned down by 12 punishers, she kept going, that lady is j.k Rowling.

A quote from Harry Potter.

Dumbledore says. “ happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”

A narcissist needs to steal your light to hide away from their inners darkness, you can not help them, you can find your inner light again and escape that darkness.

I’m not the most photogenic of people, why I haven’t included pics, but Here is, before I met the narcissist, in the darkest of days with the narcissist and a couple of months free, and then reclaiming my life and my happiness, it might help you to take a look back through your own if you’re thinking of taking them back, I didn’t find the middle photo until after recovery. I now truly understand why I could have looked like I was going crazy. Also why people informed me how much better I was looking once I was out. don’t repaint their colours, you can not help them. You can, however, help you. You will move forwards to a much happier life, once your minds free of that narcissist. You’ve got this

Narcissist ex, a few more ways to recover from trauma bonding.

A few ways to recover from trauma bonding, recovery from the addiction from the narcissist, abuse is like a drug, you will go through withdrawals, you know they are destroying you, but you can not help going back. You know you need to stay out, but it’s so hard.

If you’ve still got anxiety, please see my post to help you recover from this.

When you think about the narcissist ex, you hope they’ll change to who you first met. Then when they come for the hoover, they’ll convince you that they have changed. Then you end up going back, to cycle back around to the end of the relationship again.

If at all possible get as far away as you possibly can, do not let them know where you are, no contact what so ever, please see my grey rock post if they still see the children, build and stick with solid boundaries, only communicate about the children when you have to, say your point once and only once, then leave it, no matter what they send your way. Do not let your boundaries slip as you’ll just allow them to further manipulate you, you’ve probably done this a few times if you’re doing grey rock, don’t worry about it, we’ve all been there and we’ve all let them slip, it is incredibly hard to treat someone that way, just keep going until it sticks, you’ll soon realise you’re doing it for the right reasons and it helps so much.

They can not control getting no response from you.

Get rid of photos, clothing, anything they gave you or that they left behind, lose the memories of visual reminders.

Every time you think they’ve changed, every time you think of going back. Stop and Visualise reality, strip them of their false selves in your mind, and put the reality in. So your conscious knows exactly who they are, remind yourself that even when it was good, to the narcissist it was a lie. It was all fake.

When they come around to pick the children up, acting all nice and normal, do not fall for it, they’re just buttering up the toast, ready to eat, they are just drip feeding you ready to hoover and hook you back in, remember who they truly are and how many times they’ve done this in the past. To the narcissist, it’s all a game, remember all those good time you had were an illusion made by the narcissist, all that hurt and pain you felt was real.

Every time you think you’re falling for it, give yourself a reality check and remember the truth.

Reconnection with yourself and live, get to know yourself again, what you enjoy doing. Find what gives your life meaning, find new hobbies. Talk to yourself positivity, get exercise, in whatever form of exercise you enjoy, find and make friends who, pick you up, go for a walk soak up the sights, take photos, enjoy nature. Enjoy your life. Try something new. Love yourself again.

It’s hard to stop going back, it is achievable,

Please add in comments anything you did that stopped you going back, to help others. Thank you.

Narcissist discard.

The narcissist discard,

With a narcissist, this is often temporary, unless you take action, as they’ll usually come back around for the hoover, it should be called disengagement,

A narcissist is a creature of habit, circling their patterns of behaviour, once you learn these if you’ve still got contact, because of work, or children, you’ll learn with no reaction from you, what they might try next.

These are some of the ways they will end a relationship with you. They may vary from ex to ex, or you may have experienced a few.

The disappearing act, the silent treatment ending.

possibly one of their favourites, one minute they are there the next they vanish, like vampires when the sun comes up, for lots of reasons, you’re in a relationship then poof they are gone. You might have been going through difficulties, yet they’ve gone, you might send countless messages and called loads, got in touch with friends and family, yet you just can not get hold of them. Then you learn they’ve been spotted with someone else. It’s not because they couldn’t tell you in person, they just want the new person, they’re enjoying your desperate attempt to get in touch with them. To make you feel, anger, annoyed, hurt, confused, resentment and so many more.

They might give you the one that leaves the door open for them to come back, leaving you hurt and confused and changing so they come back, they’ll say things like. “I need some space.” “ I don’t know what I want at the moment.” It makes them seem like they need help and are troubled, so draws out your sympathy. Leaves you confused, you don’t move on So you have hope they come back,

The one where they give you flattery. “ you’ve been to good to me. I can not handle it, I need some space.” “ you’ve treated me better than most, I need some space to work things out.” “ you’re amazing in so many ways, I love you but I’m not sure I’m In love with you.” This leaves you with self-doubt yet, you believe they are a good person, you don’t move on as you think they care, leaves you with hope, making the hoover far easier for the narcissist.

They might tell you. “I’m not good enough for you.” Or “ this isn’t working, you should end it.” “ I think this relationship has taken its course, I don’t treat you right, we should end this.” This is as false as anything else the narcissist ever does, this is to get you scared the relationship is over, so you work harder In all that you do to keep them happy. Leaves you upset and concerned, so they have greater control, if you do end it, they have someone waiting.

They may tell you it’s over and why. Usually things like. “You’ve put wait on, I’m repulsed by you.” “You don’t put any effort into the relationship anymore.” “ I do everything for you and you do nothing for me.” “ You dress horribly.” “ You are a mess.” None of which is true.

It’s just to make you feel upset, angry and hurt.

So your confidence is undermined.

After the end, if you start to make changes for yourself, they’ll believe it’s for them feel powerful and come in for the hoover.

Please add in comments, Any discards your narcissist used, to give others further understanding. Thank you.