Why And How Narcissists Rein In Their Behaviour.

Narcissists often lead people into believing they struggle with anger management issues or low mood. However, more often than not, a covert narcissist can manage their anger just fine when there are witnesses to their behaviour, or they can put that low mood on to get out of going somewhere or doing something. As soon as they no longer need to go anywhere, suddenly they’re ok. Even the overt narcissist who acts more in your face as they have enough enablers and flying monkeys to be their arrogant selves wherever they are will rein in their behaviour if they believe there’s a need to do so.

When it comes to dealing with a narcissist, they are the masters of manipulation who believe they are better than others, that they make no mistakes, that they do no wrong. Yet, as a self-entitled hypocrite, to a narcissist they’re always right, making everyone else wrong, anything they do wrong a narcissist will always be on the lookout for a scapegoat to blame and shame so the narcissist can avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour, however, the narcissists expect those around them to take responsibility for their own behaviour as well as that behaviour of the narcissist.

As a narcissist will exploit others to get their needs met, anything they do wrong, they will gaslight, project and do all they can to shift the blame away from themselves and over to the scapegoat, so there are no consequences to the narcissist’s actions.

To exploit others, a narcissist will mirror people to match people, to gain information to use against that person. So if a narcissist believes another would perceive the narcissist’s behaviour in a manner that wouldn’t best serve the narcissist, the narcissist doesn’t think that their behaviour is wrong. The narcissist thinks the other person perception is false. However, if the narcissist wants to exploit someone for something, the narcissist will rein in any behaviour that wouldn’t work in the narcissist’s favour and behave in a manner that sells the other person an illusion of who the other person would like so they trust and admire the narcissist.

A narcissist will mirror those around them, then reflect back to those around them the beliefs and ideas the other person has to influence the other person into liking and trusting the narcissist.

If a narcissist had influenced enough flying monkeys and enables to like and support them, a narcissist might pick out a target to devalue and intimidate, playing endless mind games to cause that person anger and frustration, to which a narcissist will blame the other person for not being or doing as the narcissist wanted, so when the other person reacts. They can react badly due to all the gaslighting and emotional abuse. The narcissist will stand back, act shocked, blame the person they’re provoking and gain more enablers.

Or a narcissist can be incredibly rude, falling silent, ignoring, invalidating, intimidating, neglectful in private to a person. In public treat the person so well, so when someone tries to call the narcissist out, as others don’t see this side to the narcissist they don’t believe it, or as the narcissist is love bombing and idealising the flying monkeys or enablers, or they have yet to criticise the narcissist, they don’t see that side to the narcissist. As a narcissist will be putting that grandiose act and charismatic charm on while smearing the person they’re provoking, when the person the narcissist is provoking tries to call the narcissist out, people are lead to believe the narcissist is right about the person the narcissist is smearing, leaving the victim isolated. The narcissist beliving they’ve done no wrong. It’s all the victims fault.

Abuse is abuse no excuse.

A narcissist will rein in certain behaviours around certain people to sell people an illusion of who those people would like the narcissist to be, so they don’t see the narcissist as the problem. They see the one who’s speaking out, telling the truth, to be the one creating problems.

A bully will start a fight to play the victim, so the innocent party who is being bullied gets punished, while the bully gets the attention of being comforted and supported.

Narcissists believe they are special. They are preoccupied with getting their needs met, and one way they do this is to future fake with people, to sell people a future so the narcissist can get their needs met in the present. Once the narcissist’s needs are met, they fail to deliver on those promises, while they find ways to blame the innocent party as to why the narcissist didn’t deliver.

Narcissists are forever changing the game, finding someone else to blame, so the narcissist can avoid taking responsibility for their irresponsible behaviour.

When a narcissist believes another person’s perception of the narcissist’s behaviour could lead to consequences for the narcissist, the narcissist will lie, deny, shift the blame and rein in their behaviour.

A narcissist will put on their admiration face, put on the arrogant, charismatic charm, or they’ll play the victim to gain sympathetic attention. The narcissist then finding a scapegoat to blame on the narcissist isn’t held accountable.

As narcissist always believes they’re right, even when they’ve changed behaviour, it’s only a temporary change to avoid exposure. Often a narcissist still believes that they are right. They believe the people they’ve changed for are gullible and stupid. If a narcissist can pull someone in to get on over on someone else, they will, often feeling smug with their smirk.

A narcissist often believes the innocent party to be deserving of punishment as the narcissist believes people call them out to seek revenge, as that’s where a narcissist is coming from if a narcissist is called out, the narcissist will seek many options to gain revenge, on those the narcissist believes have gone against them.

A narcissist doesn’t see themselves as the problem, so they think the other person is after revenge; therefore, they seek to get one over on that person if the narcissist believes they can get one over on that person by discrediting that persons reality, by discrediting that persons character, by ruining the other person’s reputation, by getting all those around them to believe that the narcissist is the miss or Mr nice guy the narcissist takes this as a win as they’re gaining attention, admiration, praise, support from the flying monkeys and enablers that the narcissist is exploiting to their advantage, while getting the narcissists victim to question and doubt themselves, causing the true victim more confusion, more frustration, more resentment, more pain, more hurt, which a narcissist will feel smug for as the narcissist is seeking to punish those who don’t do as the narcissist pleases.

Even when a narcissist seeks revenge over someone the narcissist has hurt, the narcissist still believes they are in the right.

It’s very confusing when you’re with someone who, behind closed doors, treats you one way, and then in public differently, and everyone else speaks highly of them, you are then the one, left full of self-doubt and self-blame Questioning changing yourself, which is right where a narcissist wants you.

When a narcissist can not control through love, they will try to control through fear, which is why a narcissist can rage out at yoi.

If a narcissist isn’t getting the attention they believe they’re entitled to, if they think they’re not getting things their own way, If they can’t get one over on somebody if they feel they are losing control over somebody, or losing something of importance to them, a narcissist can be the one to lose their temper in public, however, when they do a narcissist will not look at themselves, they’ll look to find a way to rationalise or justify their behaviour, to find a scapegoat to blame for their behaviour, to provoke the person who said no to them, or tried to call them out, into reacting, so the narcissist can blame the other person while reining in their behaviour, so the narcissist doesn’t have to face the consequences of their actions.

When it comes to a narcissist, it depends on the image that narcissist is trying to sell to those around them. A communal narcissist will be selling themselves as kind, helpful, community-oriented, and their mask may never slip in public. It might slip indoors yet never outdoors. An arrogant narcissist who believes rules don’t apply to them and others should just agree with them, ruling through fear, they will be who they are no matter who they are around, as when they go storming of people have that much fear they don’t question it.

People can unwittingly enable a narcissist out of fear of what could happen to them.

It all depends on the image the individual narcissist is trying to sell those around them.

Narcissists don’t suffer from anger management. They have a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, are envious of others, exploitative, and it’s who they are their beliefs, you did not cause it, can not change it for them. You can not control who you are around them to control how they behave around you. What a narcissist wants one day, they don’t the next. They’re envious, always seeking more or seeking to destroy another’s happiness. At the same time, they see no wrong in their behaviour, only yours, especially if you say no to them, question their beliefs that they are entitled as their reality is no longer matching up, and with a narcissists lack of empathy. They will fight below the belt to get one over on you. If that means changing their behaviour depending on who they are around, they will.

A Narcissist will change who they are depending on who they need to exploit, and they’ll morph into whoever they need to be to meet a need of their own.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

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The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Why Do Narcissists Unjustly Accuse You?

When a narcissist unjustly accuses you of the very things they’re doing to you, and when you accuse the narcissist of doing what they’re actually doing to you.

So when it comes to a narcissist, they are usually very untrustworthy people within themselves. They can often believe that people are coming from the same intent that they are coming from, whether they are aware of this Intentionally, whether they are aware of this consciously or whether it is instinctively. It’s their subconscious depends on the individual narcissist. We, on the other hand, tend to believe that people are coming from the same place that we are coming from, then when we get to know somebody who sells us Ourselves our values our beliefs our dreams, our hobbies. We believe they want the same things as us. We don’t recognise that they have sold us ourselves to form an illusion, so we believe and trust them.

We don’t recognise that the narcissist is exploiting us, and as we don’t go around exploiting other people, We don’t expect people to exploit us. When it Comes to a narcissist one of the criteria for the disorder is the fact that they are extremely envious of other people, often believing other people are very envious of them; Therefore due to the fact that they are envious of others due to the fact that they feel like they’re entitled to do as they please so it’s one rule for them and another rule for you they can often act in certain ways towards you that they don’t believe you should act in ways towards them. Therefore whatever it is that the narcissist is doing behind your back, or whatever they are thinking of doing behind your back, they’re going to start accusing you of doing these things because they know themselves that they are capable of doing them, so when a narcissist starts unjustly accusing you of not telling them something, of cheating on them, of meeting up with people, leaving out information “ you never told me that.” when they start accusing you of these very things that they are doing to you because you’re not doing it to them you’re then the one that’s left to explain yourself to them justify yourself to them, rationalise to them, to make them feel better because you care about them you often do all you can to change to appease the very person who’s going all out to control you through your emotions to make you feel bad for them to make you change your plans to serve them.

That’s exactly what they are unjust accusations now later down the line due to the fact a narcissist can cause chaos. They can create drama. They can create conflict out of fresh air. They can create an argument for argument’s sake to stop you from going out, so if you’re somebody who likes hitting that gym, they’re going to start accusing you of Wearing inappropriate clothing, a narcissist can start nitpicking at what you’re wearing to go to the gym, they’re going to start asking you who you’re meeting at that gym even though you’ve been going to that gym for years a Narcissist is going to start coming at you. Therefore You might start taking your gym clothes to work with you and hitting the gym after work to avoid the argument, and when you find yourself in that kind of relationship, you need to find a safe way out of that relationship. Regardless of what is wrong, however, Narcissists often monitor where are you are what are you are doing. They might put tracking devices on your phone. They might put tracking devices on your vehicles. They might want to drop you off, pick you up. They’re going to be monitoring everything that you do and at the same time demanding that you spend all your time with them. So where a narcissist will want to go out and do what they want to do when you want to go out, they’re going to start accusing you of being selfish, Of being awkward, of not taking care of them, or causing problems within the relationship.

A Narcissist will claim you’re not taking care of them again emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty to make you feel inadequate to make you do more for them, not realising that they are gaining control of your emotions to gain control over you.

All this negativity, all these unjust accusations, all the nitpicking where you’re going, what you’re doing, all the narcissists triangulation with friends when they’re accusing your friends and family of interfering too much, all this demanding of your time, the narcissist guilt-tripping you slowly starts to isolate you from the very people who would actually be there for you, which works in the narcissist favour because they can further manipulate your emotions to their advantage.

A narcissist is going to go all out to shame you into blaming yourself, to unjustly accuse you so that the narcissist can get you into a place of self-doubt, so you end up going to the narcissist for validation and answers rather than listening to yourself.

When you don’t do as a narcissist pleases, when you don’t do what the narcissist asks of you, A narcissist can either rage out to you or fall silent on you just so that they can cause the maximum pain towards you.

However, when you’re accusing a narcissist of something, you’re usually accusing them of what they’re actually doing to you. You usually have an instinct within you that knows that they are doing something, and you’re not unjustly accusing them because you’re doing it or because you’re thinking about doing it you’re accusing them because their behaviour is causing that instinct to rise within you causing that intrigue within you.

When you call a narcissist out there going to go all out to gaslight you, they’re going to accuse you of being insecure of having trust issues of being too sensitive as overreacting of being hung up on your past, of being jealous, they’re going to accuse you they’re going to project out onto you all the things they feel towards you all the things that were actually doing towards you the emotions are trying to provoke within you.

A narcissist is going to accuse you of what they are doing to you to gaslight your reality that doing it in a way so that they can become offensive towards you now going to attack you to get you on the defensive to them so that you find yourself defending yourself explaining yourself and justifying yourself to them, so they don’t have to explain to you what they’re doing to you.

A narcissist will call you crazy for things you later find out to be true.

Even when you call a narcissist out with facts and evidence, they would lie, they will deny. They will distract, they will deflect, they will twist the blame, they will find a scapegoat to blame, they will shame you, they will accuse you, they will justify it, they will appeal to popular opinion, The narcissist will claim it’s not that bad. It’s not what you think, or they’ll not want to discuss it.

A narcissist is going to do all they can to avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour so that they can get away with their behaviour. A narcissist will blame you for the reasons they have behaved in the way they behave towards you. A narcissist will blame you for treating you in a way that people should not treat other people, all those “if you would’ve paid me more attention, if you hadn’t, then I wouldn’t.” It doesn’t matter how much attention you pay somebody if somebody loves and cares about you they wouldn’t do things that would hurt you that could potentially damage the relationship with you, part of the narcissist personality Disorder criteria is that requirements of excessive attention so no matter how much attention you serve a narcissist they’re always going to be seeking more.

A Narcissist’s behaviour is on them. It is a choice that they make, by themselves, to do to you, but because they don’t want to be held responsible for their behaviour. They don’t want to be accountable for their behaviour because they don’t want to face the consequences of their actions. They are going to find somebody else to blame so they can get away with it.

A narcissist often accuses you or even friends and family of doing things that that narcissist is actually doing to you.

A narcissist will shower you with attention, affection and support, to withhold it to punish you, to then give you back attention and affection and support, to breadcrumb you to give you the false hope of something that was never meant to be, all. At the same time, they accuse you of not giving them the attention they believe they’re entitled to. However, if you speak to a narcissist about them withholding attention, affection and support from you, they’re going to make you feel like you’re being too demanding of them.

Sometimes you’re not asking for too much you’re just asking the wrong person.

A narcissist is going to make it, so you’re always the one second-guessing your emotions, your feelings, your actions, your behaviour, your words your opinions so that you no longer question theirs.

A narcissist needs you to second-guess yourself so that they can further their control over you.

A narcissists accusation and a non-narcissist accusation can be very similar. The place those accusations are coming from a very different one is through manipulation. The narcissist accuses you to manipulate you. A non-narcissist accuses a narcissist through instincts, telling them what the narcissist is actually up to.

Narcissists accusations are coming from a place based on who they are as a person a Narcissists accusations are often confessions.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The Narcissists Reward Punish. (Understanding Narcissism.)

Narcissists have an apt ability to get you to doubt reality, question yourself, not feel enough no matter what you do, Thus continuing to work harder to please them. So you do all you can to bring that person back that can seemingly treat you so well and avoid the person who treats you so wrong.

When you’re born into narcissism, when raised by narcissistic parents, our minds get programmed into accepting the narcissist’s reward punish as normal, believing we deserve their harsh punishments, as they can reward us by treating us so right when we conform to their demands of us, often with little physical abuse and even with physical abuse, we often don’t recognise the narcissist’s psychological warfare against us as abuse, often leading us to accept similar behaviour from friends and future partners.

When raised by narcissistic parents, you might feel uneasy around them. You might have just known something without knowing what you know. You often question yourself especially when they withhold attention, affection and support, the narcissist will shame you into blaming yourself. A narcissist will reinforce the belief within your mind that their mistreatment of you is your fault when they suddenly reward you for playing by their rules, often leading you into believing the narcissist’s abuse of you isn’t abuse when abuse is abuse no excuse and their abuse is on them not you.

As a child, you don’t understand what’s happening, many adults don’t understand what’s happening, and when a narcissist suddenly starts treating you right, you see the good in them as they blame you when they treat you wrong, you begin to question yourself and not their abuse.

As parents do need to discipline their children and teach children the difference between right and wrong and morals and values, it’s very confusing because a narcissist doesn’t discipline a child for those reasons. A narcissist disciplines their children to condition their children into performing how the narcissistic parent wants them to perform, how the narcissistic parents wants them to behave, when the child doesn’t perform how the narcissistic parent wants them to perform they neglect the child, they withhold attention, affection and support to punish the child for not living up to the narcissists expectations. what is so confusing is when the child works harder to please the parents, The parent starts treating them right again, reinforcing within the Child’s mind that it was the Child’s fault and not the parents.

When you’re born into a narcissistic family you don’t know any different. However, when you get into a relationship with a narcissist, you don’t know any different as a narcissist will love bomb you, idealise you mirror you, to sell you an illusion of what life could be like with them, to deliver you a completely different story, they might flatter you, lavish you with gifts, they might want to spend a lot of time with you, they might come along playing your hero, that fast involvement, claiming soulmate status fast into the relationship, rushing the relationship ahead, guilt-tripping you into things you don’t want to do, as these things can be mistaken for the excitement of a new relationship, the honeymoon period. As you yourself can go into a relationship wanting to help another out, you don’t see they’re helping you is them manipulating you, their compliments as flattery, you believe they’re coming from the same place as you. As you can get excited about the new Romance, you don’t see the whirlwind they’ve swept you into to distract you from who they are. You don’t see them rushing you into something you’re not comfortable with, you don’t see them slowly brainwashing you to their advantage. When a narcissist is wanting to spend all their time with you, constantly messaging you, with the narcissists love bombing, they’ve influenced you into believing in them.

When a narcissist feels criticism in some way, when a narcissist feels like you’re not doing what they want you to do, when you placed a Boundry on a narcissist, when you said no to the narcissist, when you’ve called a narcissist out on a promise they’ve broken, when a narcissist fears they might be exposed for their behaviour, A narcissist will go all out to shame you into blaming yourself for criticising them, for judging them, so a narcissist seeks punish you, so the narcissist can gaslight your reality gaslighting is the psychological manipulation of your reality so that the narcissist can keep control over you.

A narcissist will withhold everything from you to punish you. They will withhold compassion. They will withhold care. They will withhold communication. They will withhold money. They will withhold safety. They will withhold sleep. They will withhold security. A narcissist will withhold protection. They will withhold affection. They will withhold support. A narcissist will punish you by neglecting you.

One of most confusing thing about a narcissist is they don’t mistreat you all the time.

E.S.

When one person hurts another person, The person who got hurt can withdraw from the person who hurt them, because the person has hurt them so we can recognise this, we can understand why we might withdraw from somebody which is often why we are ones left looking for what we’ve done to hurt the narcissist to cause the narcissist to withdraw from us, so we don’t recognise the narcissist is punishing us.

When it comes to dealing with a narcissist a narcissist will have done something to hurt you, or they will be up to something that could potentially hurt you, something that would exploit you something that’s going to hurt you in the long run, and to avoid exposure they will withdraw from us to punish us for them hurting us.

We question what we’ve done for the narcissist to suddenly fall silent on us, for the narcissist to withhold affection from us rather than questioning what the narcissist has done to us.

A narcissist doesn’t come along and hurt us straight away. They don’t tell us they hate us then hurt us. They come along to sweep us off our feet to then slowly manipulate, slowly devalue, gradually isolate us from support. They tell us they love us. They want what’s best for us. They’re doing it for our own good, leaving us questioning everything about ourselves and little about who the narcissist is as a person.

A narcissist, brainwashes us, by manipulating us to condition us to serve them to work harder to please them, so that we can avoid the painful punishments towards us when we step out of their line,

A narcissist will condition you to expect nothing and give everything.

A narcissist will condition you into believing your emotional reactions to their actions are the problems to distract you from the fact that you wouldn’t be having those emotional reactions without the narcissist actions.

When a narcissist punishes us when a narcissist withdraws from us, we are that busy thinking about their emotional needs, thinking about what we’ve done to hurt them, we forget about our own emotional needs, not recognising that they’re trying to punish us, while blaming us for punishing us because to a narcissist everything that goes wrong within their life everything that’s not going their way is always somebody else’s fault, narcissists do not recognise the problem within their own behaviour and if they do they shift the blame to avoid recognising the problem within their own behaviour.

The more we ruminate, the more we question ourselves, the more we question what we could’ve done, the more we chase them, to help them, to support them, to get answers from them, The more we change ourselves to bring back the person we met, to bring back the parent that can treat us right, we learn to do everything in our power to please the narcissist, and then when we get it right by the narcissist, A narcissist will then reward us and they will then reward us by giving back what they’ve been withholding from us.

So if they’ve been causing sleep deprivation, if they’ve been keeping us awake, and they can do it in such subtle ways, a narcissist can just ask us to stop up and watch a movie with them, they can come to bed and wake us up, they can make sure they make enough noise in the morning to wake us up, then the nice narcissist will return seeming all caring and kind and telling us to go and get some rest go and have an early night, so to us it seems like they care we don’t recognise that they’re using that to manipulate us into believing they care about us, they might tell you to rest while they take care of the home only they won’t take care of the home they will make the home worse so you are more drained after your rest by cleaning up after the narcissist mess.

A narcissist will withhold communication from you, they will fall silent on you, and when you drop the subject, or when you do something to please the narcissist, when you chase them, when you do all you can to make it up to them, as the narcissist has lead you to believe you caused their silent treatment, at some point the narcissist will decide that they will start to communicate with you again.

A narcissist will withhold finances from you, and then they will go and spoil you. A narcissistic parent who is separated from the other parent might not pay financially towards the upbringing of their own child, yet when they pick that child up, they will pick the child up and take them on the expensive days out to buy the child, they will do all they can to make sure the healthy parent cannot support the child sufficiently to try and make the healthy look bad, to smear the healthy parent to the child, so that the child doesn’t see what’s happening. Often the narcissist will be blaming the healthy parent to the child.

A narcissist will intimidate you by telling you they’re going to inform people things that you don’t want people to know about you. We all have these things that we tell people we trust in confidence, believing that they’re not going to tell others, and then when you do right by them, they will tell you that they wouldn’t do anything like that to you, that you misunderstood them.

It’s extremely confusing being around a narcissist because one minute they are there for you, the next they’ve disappeared on you. They blame you, so you work hard to please them, and then they come back and reward you by being there for you, which reinforces that belief within your mind that it was your doing when it is not your doing their behaviour is who they are as a person.

Narcissistic people don’t think like you. They’re coming from a completely different place to you. Narcissists are the self-entitled hypocrite. It’s one rule for them and another for you. Narcissists are incredibly selfish. There is a difference between being selfish and demanding that your needs get met and being self-aware to protect your values and beliefs without hurting another person.

Another manipulation tactic a narcissist will use with reward punish is the very things that they withhold from you behind closed doors they will give to others in front of you. Or they will twist it even further by giving it to you in front of friends and family to confuse you, so, inside the house, they might be giving you the silent treatment outside the house. They’ll be super nice to you. So when you speak out to people, they don’t understand you. However, they just don’t know the whole story. They only see the side the narcissist wants them to see. Or when they’re mistreating you behind closed doors, but they are treating others well, you can often question, “maybe it is just me then because they’re being decent with that person it must be something I’ve done.” It’s never what you’ve done. It’s who the narcissist is.

Survivors because they don’t feel comfortable around a narcissist even if it’s only their subconscious that doesn’t feel comfortable around the narcissist, survivors can also treat people differently to how they treat the narcissist, survivors can either be more open with others than they are with the narcissist for fear of reactions from the narcissist, or they can slowly shut themselves down becoming more closed off with others than they are with the narcissist as they fear what others will think about the situation they’re in.

Another method a narcissist will use is by withholding something from you, like withholding communication from you and then they will communicate with others in front of you often accusing you of being grumpy one. Or they’ll not be there for their children yet they’ll make sure you find out they are being there for someone else’s children. Will not be there for you as a child but they will be there for someone else’s child.

A narcissist will withhold financial resources from their exes who are raising the children they had with narcissist. Yet, the narcissist will shower somebody new with gifts and financial resources to bait the new person into the Narcissists games.

The reward punish is confusing as you are conditioned into believing you are the one that’s causing the problems within the relationship When the narcissist is the one creating those problems within the relationship, to get you to behave how they want you to.

Sometimes it’s not what a narcissist is doing to you it’s what a narcissist takes away from you, then blaming you for being the reason as to why they took it from you.

This is why it is a must to observe peoples behaviour because yes, although people can act in these ways because they have been hurt, other people act in these ways to manipulate, observing how we feel around people and not how they make us feel, so that we can take back control of what our feelings are teaching us.

The silent treatment isn’t exclusive to narcissistic people. There are many reasons why people can fall silent. Often it’s what’s happened to bring on that behaviour and the intentions behind that behaviour. Just because somebody is treating you in a way that you might have treated somebody doesn’t mean they’re treating you in that way from the same intentions as you. You might fall silent to avoid the pain, to make sure you don’t say something that might hurt another person. A Narcissist goes for the silent treatment to manipulate you, exploit you, and get their own way with you.

It’s all in the intentions with good intentions there is no wrong way over right way to live your life there is only your way.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

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The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Why A Narcissist Will Not Say Sorry, The Narcissists False Apology.

Why narcissists rarely say sorry and how they get you to apologise to them for the things they’ve done to you, why most narcissists don’t issue any form of apology unless they can shift the blame because they have something to gain, from sucking someone back into their games to evading disciplinary action, avoiding consequences for their actions.

A narcissists false apology is a form of emotional abuse. It’s done to gaslight your reality so the narcissist can get away with the things they do to you, a narcissist wants you to take responsibility for their behaviour, so they don’t have to.

Narcissists rarely apologies for their behaviour, and those who do offer a genuine apology just further manipulation.

An apology without changed behaviour is further manipulation.

In order to offer a genuine apology, people need to be able to recognise the mistakes they’ve made. They would apologies with those “I’m sorry I.” Acknowledging and taking ownership of their behaviour, learning from their behaviour and not repeating their behaviour. When it comes to a narcissist, they’re unwilling to reflect on mistakes they’ve made. The best you’ll get from a narcissist is where they’ll find a scapegoat to blame for the narcissist’s mistakes. As they don’t take ownership of their behaviour, they don’t change their behaviour. They just blame and shame those around them. If they feel cornered into offering an apology, it’s a narcissistic false apology of “I’m sorry you.”

To offer a genuine apology, people need to take responsibility for their behaviour. As a narcissist sees all others as having caused the narcissists behaviour, they don’t take responsibility for their behaviour. Instead, they believe that someone else made them do it or you deserved it. (No one deserves abuse, abuse is abuse, no excuse.) it’s good to be responsible for our own behaviour. However, we also have to learn to pass responsibility back to the rightful owner for theirs. We make enough of our own mistakes to learn from. We don’t need to hold ourselves accountable for other people. Just as our behaviour is on us, their behaviour is on them.

Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their actions as part of their disorder is that sense of entitlement. Therefore they feel entitled to do the things they do. They are arrogant enough to believe that it’s one rule for them and another for everyone else around them. They lack the empathy to be able to comprehend how their behaviour hurts another. If they do understand how their behaviour has hurt another due to their envy, they seek to punish others, lacking empathy to care and believing others deserved the narcissist’s hideous punishments and endless mind games.

A narcissist doesn’t want to be held responsible for their behaviour unless they have something to gain. They don’t want to be exposed for who they indeed are, why they covertly manipulate to hide their true intentions.

A Narcissist will excuse, rationalise and justify their own behaviour within their own minds and within the minds of those around them so that the narcissist can get away with their behaviour.

To offer a genuine apology, people need to feel remorseful, those feelings of shame, those feelings of blame, those feelings of guilt, most people feel when they’ve done something wrong, the willingness to put ego to one side, admit fault and learn from the mistake made, with a narcissist they lack the empathy to feel guilty, they might feel the shame which is why they pass the blame, a narcissist often wants to be recognised as someone who is better than thou and doesn’t make mistakes.

To offer a genuine apology, people would want to Repair any damage they have caused. They’d want to restore the connection with the other person, restore the faith and the trust, rebuild the relationship back up. They’d want to show the person they hurt that they can admit to a mistake and prove they care by not repeating the mistake. As a narcissist can not admit to making a mistake in the first place as a narcissist has placed the blame at someone else’s door, a narcissist doesn’t feel like they need to repair the damage, a narcissist believes the other person needs to repair the damage. Every time a narcissist gets away with their behaviour, they don’t learn from their behaviour. Instead, a narcissist will repeat their hurtful patterns of behaviour.

Narcissists are never sorry for what they’ve done to another. They only feel sorry for themselves if they get caught, to which they’ll quickly rationalise, justify, excuse or blame someone else for their behaviour so they don’t have to take responsibility for their behaviour.

A Narcissist will lie, deny, gaslight, blame, shame, project, triangulation, fall silent. A narcissist will go above and beyond to get away with their behaviour, so they don’t change their behaviour.

Where most people can recognise, feel remorse, take responsibility and want to repair the damage they caused because they care for the other person, a narcissist doesn’t believe they’ve made a mistake, so when they get called out on their behaviour, they’ll come at you with those gaslighting phrases of. “You’re jealous, you’re insecure, you’re too sensitive, you’re imagining things, you’re bitter, you’re in a bad mood, it wasn’t that bad, what about when you, you’re selfish, you’re stubborn, you’re awkward, this is just like you, why do you have to make everything so difficult, you need a mental evaluation, you have trust issues, you’re crazy.” As the narcissist wants to convince you that your emotional reactions to their actions are the problem to distract you from the fact without the narcissist’s actions, you wouldn’t be having those reactions. Therefore it’s the narcissist’s actions which are causing your problems. However, a narcissist doesn’t want you to see what they do wrong. They want you to feel ashamed of your emotional reactions, blame yourself and apologise to the narcissist for the very things the narcissist is doing to you.

When you find yourself apologising for things you haven’t done, that’s a big red flag that someone is gaslighting your reality.

When they’re not willing to recognise their behaviour, they won’t be willing to change their behaviour. When they can manipulate you into apologising to them, the more they’ll believe that you’re the problem and not themselves, the more you forgive a narcissist, the more they believe they can get away with their behaviour and the worse their behaviour gets, because they learn that by blaming others they’re not held accountable, and they don’t suffer any consequences.

Remember, forgiveness is for you to move on, not to allow them to do it again. Your forgiveness is for you. Their behaviour is on them.

If you’re unlucky enough to get an apology from a narcissist, it’s more manipulation from a narcissist, as they claim. “I’m sorry if you hadn’t, I’m sorry, but you didn’t, I’m sorry for what you think I did, I’m sorry you feel that way, I’m sorry if you’d have paid me more attention, I’m sorry if you’d have reminded me.

The narcissist’s false apology is where they will start by saying sorry, then end by blaming you, so you end up feeling guilty and apologising to them.

We have to take ownership of our actions. However, we have to pass responsibility back to the rightful owner to theirs.

You can not control who you are as a person to control the narcissist you get. A narcissist controls who they are to control how you feel, so the narcissist can emotionally manipulate you to serve their needs.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @ beyourselfagaintoday@gmail.com

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. You will be matched with a licensed councillor who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.