The Detrimental Path of Keeping a Narcissist Happy: A Harsh Reality.

Striving to Satisfy a Narcissist: The Demands and Consequences.

Finding yourself in a relationship with a narcissist can be an overwhelming and deeply traumatic experience. The dynamics of such a relationship are characterised by relentless demands and manipulation, resulting in a painful and often destructive cycle. This article explores the extent to which one must bend over backwards to keep a narcissist satisfied, shedding light on the self-sacrifice, emotional turmoil, and loss of self-worth involved. By delving into the numerous demands placed on individuals entangled in these relationships, as well as the emotional consequences they face, we can better comprehend the complex nature of narcissistic interactions.

Constant Praise and Attention:

To appease narcissists, one must continuously shower them with adoration, attention, and care. Their insatiable need for perpetual affirmation requires individuals to devote themselves entirely to providing unwavering emotional, mental, physical, sexual, spiritual, and financial support. Consequently, personal desires and needs are pushed aside as the narcissist becomes the sole focus of one’s existence. The absence of true intimacy, communication, love, honesty, and trust further erode the foundations of the relationship, leaving individuals feeling emotionally isolated and unfulfilled.

Cheating, Lies, and Manipulation:

Individuals in relationships with narcissists must come to terms with their partner’s inclination towards infidelity, deceit, and manipulation. While hope for improvement or change may arise, such instances are often temporary, and the cycle of pain and betrayal consistently reemerges. Accepting this continuous emotional turmoil becomes necessary, eroding one’s self-esteem and belief in a healthy, fulfilling partnership. The absence of personal opinions, desires, and needs is deemed selfish by the narcissist, disallowing individuals from expressing their individuality and self-worth.

Devaluation and Discardment:

Whether perceived as weak or strong, standing up for oneself against a narcissist leads to devaluation and discardment. Rejection becomes a recurrent motif for those seeking to challenge the narcissist’s behaviour, ultimately enforcing a deep sense of worthlessness. A lack of security, self-esteem, peace, and comfort prevails throughout these relationships, as individuals are deprived of the love, respect, and support they deserve.

Living with Deceit and Manipulation:

Living with a narcissist entails an existence marred by secrecy, lies, betrayals, and manipulation. These deceitful actions control the narrative of the relationship, causing individuals to constantly doubt their reality and feel disoriented. The absence of boundaries, values, and self-respect renders one’s goals and aspirations meaningless, as the narcissist aims to dismantle any form of personal growth or independent thought. As such, individuals experience a loss of identity and a perpetual state of confusion.

Abandonment and Guilt:

Inevitably, one day the narcissist may inexplicably vanish from the relationship. This sudden abandonment leaves individuals without answers, uncertain of their partner’s whereabouts or intentions. However, it is essential to recognise that their return is just as unpredictable. During these moments of reunification, one must refrain from questioning, sharing their feelings, or initiating any serious conversation. Instead, individuals are expected to resume their position as the loving, caring, and kind provider of the narcissist’s needs, disregarding their own confusion and pain.

Shouldering Blame and Begging for Forgiveness:

In this relentless cycle, individuals are continually forced to assume responsibility for alleged wrongdoings and seek forgiveness from the narcissist. Regardless of the reality of these offences, individuals must accept blame and apologise for the perceived hurt caused to the narcissist. Their inability to make sound decisions is transferred onto the unsuspecting partner, placing them in a position of constantly begging for absolution.

Isolation from Support Systems:

The narcissist’s manipulative tendencies often lead to the isolation of individuals from their friends, family, and coworkers. By severing these vital connections, the narcissist further diminishes their partner’s support system, leaving them devoid of the assistance and guidance necessary to break free from the toxic relationship. This isolation perpetuates dependence on the narcissist, reinforcing feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness.

The High Price of Complaining:

In order to appease a narcissist, one must abstain from offering any form of advice or suggestions that might prevent them from making poor decisions. This is perceived as criticism and is met with severe punishments, leaving the individual in a state of emotional turmoil. One may be subjected to the silent treatment or subjected to personal attacks that belittle and falsely accuse them of wrongdoings. The resulting emotional distress can be deeply damaging, eroding one’s self-worth and creating a constant fear of retribution.

The Quest for Perfection:

To maintain the narcissist’s favour, one must always strive for perfection. Any failure to meet their unrealistic expectations is met with punishment and requires relentless apologies and pleading for forgiveness. The burden of responsibility for the narcissist’s actions becomes solely the individual’s, further heightening the sense of guilt and perpetuating a cycle of subservience.

The Mask of Emotion:

A critical aspect of keeping a narcissist happy is suppressing any emotions that might challenge their fragile self-esteem. Expressing sadness, hurt, or any negative emotion is strictly forbidden, as it may jeopardise the narcissist’s perception of happiness in the relationship. Essentially, the individual must become a master of disguising their true emotions, even when their mental and emotional well-being is deteriorating under the weight of the narcissist’s abusive behaviour.

Abandonment and the Revolving Door:

Living with a narcissist means being prepared for abrupt abandonment without any explanation or resources to sustain oneself and perhaps even care for dependents. This forced dependence leaves individuals vulnerable and trapped in a state of perpetual uncertainty. They must steel themselves to endure the narcissist’s whims, waiting patiently for them to grow bored or disenchanted with their newfound interest, or until that person becomes as worthless as they were perceived to be in the narcissist’s eyes. This constant revolving door of relationships, abandonment, and reconciliation creates emotional instability, which the individual is expected to weather with unwavering strength.

Gratitude for Emotional Turmoil:

In a warped paradigm, the individual is expected to be grateful for being the chosen recipient of the narcissist’s intermittent affection. They are led to believe that their worthiness is measured by their ability to tolerate abuse and cater to the narcissist’s desires. This disturbing dynamic reinforces their role as a inferior, fueling a vicious cycle of powerlessness and self-degradation.

The Illusive Expectations:

A confusing aspect of being involved with a narcissist is deciphering and fulfilling their constantly shifting expectations. These expectations may arise from their own fantasies, societal influences, or envy of others, and are subject to frequent changes. Yet, the individual is expected to intuitively understand these desires without explicit communication, reinforcing their own sense of inadequacy and fueling anxiety.

The Inherent Paradox of Love:

One of the bitterest pills to swallow in such a relationship is the realisation that the narcissist is fundamentally incapable of reciprocal love, respect, or care. Despite fulfilling their expectations, the harder one tries, the more the narcissist despises them. This phenomenon creates an unnerving emotional juxtaposition, wherein the individual pours affection into an abyss, devoid of any hope for genuine affection in return.

The Devastating Consequences:

Staying in a relationship with a narcissist can lead to severe consequences. Individuals may find their financial resources depleted and their personal assets confiscated, leaving them homeless and destitute, while the narcissist comfortably moves on to their next target. The toll on one’s emotional and psychological well-being is immeasurable, leading to a gradual erosion of identity, emotional numbness, and the forsaking of basic human needs.

In conclusion, maintaining the happiness of a narcissist is an arduous and debilitating task that exacts a considerable toll on the individual involved. It demands constant self-denial, walking on eggshells to avoid triggering their insecurities, and enduring emotional and/or physical abuse. The price one pays for this perceived happiness is impossibly high, resulting in a depleted sense of self and a constant scramble to meet an ever-changing set of expectations.

Living to satisfy a narcissistic partner demands an excessive and ultimately untenable level of sacrifice from individuals trapped in these relationships. The countless demands placed upon them, coupled with the emotional toll of deceit, manipulation, abandonment, and isolation, create a deeply distressing and degrading existence. Recognising the harmful effects of these relationships can empower individuals embroiled in such dynamics to seek support, break free, and reclaim their self-worth and happiness.

Breaking free from such a relationship is an uphill battle, but it is essential to preserve one’s own well-being and regain a sense of personal fulfillment and genuine happiness.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The Dark Obsessions of Narcissists: The Narcissists’ Addictions

The Dark Obsessions of Narcissists: The Narcissists’ Addictions.

Addiction, in its essence, is the compulsive and harmful dependency on a substance, behaviour, or activity. It consumes the individual’s life, impairing their ability to function in various aspects and often leading to detrimental consequences. When discussing addiction, it is crucial to understand that not all addictions are born equal. This notion applies specifically to the dark obsessions of narcissists, a group of individuals entangled in their self-centred desires and manipulative tendencies. Though they may resemble the addictions experienced by their victims, the motivations and consequences of narcissists’ addictions differ significantly.

One distinct characteristic that sets narcissists’ addictions apart from those of their victims is their intense desire for attention. Narcissists thrive on admiration, constantly seeking validation from others to fuel their fragile self-esteem. This insatiable need often leads them to engage in activities or behaviours that draw attention, attempting to satisfy their never-ending hunger for validation. Whether it be adopting grandiose personalities, performing extravagant displays of achievement, or exaggerating stories to captivate an audience, narcissists will stop at nothing to gain the attention they crave.

Moreover, this quest for attention intertwines with their deep-rooted desire to feel superior. Narcissists possess an overwhelming sense of entitlement, believing they are inherently better than others. This superiority complex fuels their narcissistic addictions, as they constantly seek opportunities to demonstrate their perceived greatness. They may engage in behaviours that put others down, belittle or manipulate them, or actively seek validation through comparisons and competitions. This addiction to feeling superior drives narcissists to engage in toxic behaviours, leaving their victims questioning their worth and facing psychological distress.

In addition to their behavioural addictions, narcissists frequently turn to substance abuse as an escape from reality. Substance abuse serves as a means for them to temporarily alleviate inner turmoil and reinforce their grandiose sense of self. By indulging in drugs or alcohol, they believe they can overcome feelings of inferiority and experience a distorted sense of power. Furthermore, substance abuse often enables narcissists to manipulate and exploit others, as they leverage their dependency on substances to exert control over their victims. This sinister addiction traps both the narcissists and their victims in a cycle of abuse and exploitation, with devastating consequences for all involved.

Moreover, narcissists may fixate on various other addictive behaviours, such as gambling or excessive shopping. These addictions provide them with an outlet to obtain instant gratification, compensating for their innate lack of emotional fulfilment. By engaging in these obsessions, narcissists derive a false sense of control and fulfilment, further fueling their insatiable desires. The consequences of these addictions can be severe, leading to financial ruin, damaged relationships, and ultimately reinforcing their self-serving behaviour.

Power and control also play a significant role in narcissists’ addictions. Power is the ultimate drug for narcissists, as it allows them to exert dominance and manipulate others to satisfy their egotistical needs. Their obsession with power becomes evident through their relentless pursuit of influential positions, whether in the workplace, relationships, or societal structures. In these roles, narcissists take pleasure in controlling and exploiting those they believe to be beneath them, serving their insatiable need for control and dominance.

Furthermore, perfectionism often manifests as an addiction for narcissists. Their relentless pursuit of flawlessness can be seen as an attempt to seek external validation and assert their superiority. While on the surface, their strive for perfection may seem commendable, it is, in fact, a destructive addiction. It can lead to extreme self-criticism, dissatisfaction, and the harsh treatment of others who fail to meet their unrealistic standards. This addiction perpetuates a cycle of negativity and self-loathing, further isolating the narcissist from genuine connections and personal growth.

Lastly, the concept of supply is vital in understanding the narcissist’s addiction. Supply refers to the constant need for admiration, flattery, and attention from others. Narcissists become reliant on this supply to maintain their false self-image, continuously seeking validation and reassurance from external sources. Their addiction to this constant flow of attention and affirmation drives their manipulative and exploitative behaviour. The demand for an uninterrupted supply often leads narcissists to discard and replace individuals who no longer fulfil their needs, leaving a trail of emotional devastation in their wake.

In conclusion, the dark obsessions of narcissists reveal their deeply ingrained addictions that differ significantly from those experienced by their victims. Their intense desire for attention, constant need for superiority, substance abuse, engagement in risky behaviours, the pursuit of power and control, obsession with perfection, and reliance on an uninterrupted supply all play vital roles in their addictive behaviour. These addictions, driven by their insatiable self-centeredness, perpetuate a cycle of toxic relationships and emotional torment. Understanding the nature of narcissistic addictions is crucial in fostering empathy for their victims and seeking effective strategies to mitigate the detrimental impact of narcissistic behaviour in society.

Breaking Free: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Overcoming Negative Addictions:

While narcissists can become addicts, victims of narcissistic abuse can also gain addictions.

Narcissistic abuse is a destructive pattern of manipulation, control, and emotional exploitation that can leave lasting scars on its victims. The aftermath of such abuse often leads individuals to develop negative addictions as a coping mechanism, further perpetuating their suffering. However, by recognising the harmful cycles and consciously redirecting their focus towards positive addictions, survivors can begin their journey of healing, reclaiming their lives, and breaking free from the shackles of their past.

Rise of Negative Addictions due to Narcissistic Abuse:

Victims of narcissistic abuse often find themselves trapped in a web of disempowerment, anxiety, and diminished self-worth. Consequently, they may resort to negative addictions as a means of escapism and self-medication. Substance abuse, excessive work, obsessive relationships, or even self-harm can become avenues for numbing the pain inflicted by their abusers. By momentarily relieving their emotional distress, these negative addictions create an illusion of control or a false sense of security, perpetuating the cycle of abuse.

The Negative Consequences of Negative Addictions:

Unfortunately, negative addictions rarely provide sustainable relief, and the consequences they bring can further deepen the victim’s suffering. These destructive behaviours not only erode their physical and mental health but drive a wedge between relationships, impair career prospects, and isolate them from potential sources of support. The repetitive nature of negative addictions ultimately hampers the individual’s ability to regain control over their lives, further undermining their self-esteem and prolonging their healing process.

Paving the Path to Healing through Positive Addictions:

Acknowledging the detrimental impact of negative addictions, survivors of narcissistic abuse can consciously redirect their focus towards positive addictions. Rather than engaging in harmful coping mechanisms, they can channel their energy into activities that promote their personal growth, well-being, and inner strength. Positive addictions such as exercise, creative outlets, community involvement, or self-care practices offer individuals a healthier means of coping, allowing them to regain a sense of purpose, empowerment, and self-worth.

Breaking the Cycle and Rebuilding Lives:

By cultivating positive addictions, survivors of narcissistic abuse can gradually break free from negative patterns, build resilience, and reclaim their lives. Engaging in activities that help foster self-love and personal development facilitates the pursuit of healthier relationships, fulfilling careers, and overall life satisfaction. Positive addictions reinforce the individual’s sense of control and provide them with the tools needed to redefine their identities outside the shadow of their abusers. Through persistence, professional support, and solidarity with fellow survivors, breaking the cycle of negative addictions becomes an achievable milestone on the healing path.

Overcoming the aftermath of narcissistic abuse is a formidable journey, but it is not insurmountable. Recognising the damaging effects of negative addictions and consciously cultivating positive addictions can empower survivors to rebuild their lives on a foundation of self-empowerment and resilience. Healing from narcissistic abuse requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to breaking free from the negative cycles to pave the way for a future filled with joy, fulfillment, and genuine happiness.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Narcissists Exposed: 7 Damaging Ways They Wreak Havoc on Your Life.

Narcissistic abuse, regardless of its form – whether it manifests as malignant, classic, covert, overt, somatic, cerebral, or vulnerable – is a devastating and insidious form of mental abuse that can take over an individual’s life. It often remains hidden behind manipulative tactics, leaving victims unaware of the harm being inflicted upon them. In some cases, narcissistic abuse extends beyond psychological violence and includes physical abuse, effectively trapping individuals in a perpetual cycle of spiritual warfare and subjecting them to what feels like death by psychological abuse. The scars of past traumas are ripped open, and dreams and goals are crushed by the very person who once appeared as a hero and the fulfilment of one’s dreams.

Narcissists operate with a relentless self-serving agenda, a parasite or a virus that infects every facet of a victim’s life. Many of their actions revolve around the seven deadly sins: pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth. They exhibit excessive pride in their achievements and talents, possess an insatiable envy and jealousy towards others, display gluttonous tendencies in constantly craving more than what they need, and harbour a perpetual sense of anger as they are unable to accept genuine love. Moreover, their insatiable greed often drives them to seek material possessions, sometimes at the expense of exploiting others. Finally, their laziness leads them to exploit and manipulate others to meet their never-ending wants and needs.

Identifying a narcissistic personality disorder necessitates recognising the presence of at least five characteristic traits: a grandiose sense of self-importance, preoccupation with ultimate success, a belief in their own superiority, entitlement, excessive admiration, exploitation of others, a lack of empathy, envy and jealousy, and arrogance. Among these traits, the lack of genuine empathy, exploitative behaviour, entitlement, and envy are the most significant telltale signs of a narcissist.

A narcissist manipulates their victims in a vicious cycle that involves phases of idealisation, devaluation, discarding, and hoovering. They employ various tactics, such as pity plays, silent treatments, gaslighting, projection, and threats, to make their victims feel insecure, and inferior and question their own sanity. Their covert and often calculated games gradually erode the sense of self and make it difficult for caring and kind-hearted individuals to recognise the depth of the abuse. As victims endure the reality of the abuse, they also find themselves grappling with trauma bonding, anxiety, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), financial ruin, and often, mental and physical illnesses.

Narcissistic individuals are a destructive force that can infect every aspect of our lives. From our relationships to our emotional well-being, they have the ability to weave their toxic influence into every corner, leaving a trail of broken bonds and shattered dreams in their wake.

Taking over your relationships:

One of the most insidious ways narcissists negatively infect our lives is through their ability to take over our relationships. Initially, they come into our lives with charm and charisma, sweeping us off our feet and making us believe that they are the perfect partner. However, as time goes on, they begin to infiltrate not only our romantic relationships but also our relationships with friends and family. They slowly isolate us from our support network, picking off our loved ones one by one. With manipulation and triangulation, they shift the loyalty of our friends and family away from us and onto them. Eventually, we find ourselves alone, with no one to turn to for support, and completely under the narcissist’s control. This emotional isolation can leave us feeling lost, unhinged, and trapped in a toxic cycle.

Invasion:

Another way that narcissists infect our lives is through the invasion of our social media and personal inboxes. At the beginning of the relationship, they bombard us with loving and sentimental messages, creating an illusion of a perfect connection. However, as the relationship progresses, they slowly transition into devaluation, often through social media. They may stop leaving those sentimental remarks or suddenly go silent, leaving us confused and questioning our worth. When confronted, they blame us for being insecure, further manipulating our emotions and making us doubt ourselves. They play these social media games to keep us confused and under their control, leaving us further vulnerable to their manipulation.

Resources:

Furthermore, narcissists drain us of our resources, both material and emotional. They have no qualms about taking from us without giving anything in return. They may manipulate us through pity plays, threats, or blame-shifting, making us feel guilty or sinking our mental health to the point where we become dependent on them. Many narcissists move into our homes without contributing to the bills or even invading our personal space. They consume our resources, eat our food, and never take responsibility for their actions. It is as if what is ours is automatically theirs, while what is theirs is off-limits to us. They drain our finances, try to claim our homes as their own, and some may even vandalize our property. Through manipulation and gaslighting, they slowly manipulate everything we once had away from us, leaving us feeling empty and devoid of both material and emotional support.

Heart, mind and soul:

Perhaps one of the most detrimental ways narcissists infect our lives is through the erosion of our hearts, mind, and souls. Their manipulation extends beyond our physical surroundings; it deeply penetrates our psychological well-being. Narcissists begin by idealising us, showering us with love and attention to create an intense bond. However, this quickly shifts to devaluation, where they criticise, threaten, and put us down. They cycle through these emotional states, playing with our minds and causing us to doubt our own worth. They gaslight us, making us question our own perceptions and memory of events. Slowly but surely, they plant seeds of self-doubt in our minds, eroding our self-worth and leaving us emotionally vulnerable.

Emotional Health:

Narcissists also infect our emotional health, slowly draining us of joy, happiness, and peace. At first, we lavish them with praise and love, doing anything to please and appease them. However, as the relationship progresses, they derive pleasure from our pain. They make us cry, watch us suffer, and blame us for our own emotions. Even the discard, when they finally leave, is done without any closure, leaving us hurt and confused. They may return in a hoovering attempt, promising to “rescue” us, only to once again subject us to emotional torture. This constant cycle of emotional turmoil and degradation leaves us feeling shattered and diminished.

Stolen hopes and dreams:

Additionally, narcissists infect our hopes and dreams. They come into our lives promising to support and fulfil our desires, pretending to be our soulmates. However, as the relationship deteriorates, they slowly strip away our dreams, passions, and hobbies. They belittle and invalidate our aspirations, leaving us empty and devoid of purpose. After the discard, we are often left as empty shells, filled with fear and anxiety about starting over and pursuing our dreams once again.

Trust:

Finally, narcissists infect our trust. Their manipulative and deceitful behaviour erodes our ability to trust not only them but also others in our lives. We become hyper-vigilant, questioning the motives of everyone around us, including ourselves. The constant mind games and manipulation they subject us to leave us in a state of perpetual doubt and uncertainty, further damaging our ability to trust and form healthy relationships.

In conclusion, narcissistic individuals infect our lives in numerous ways, leaving a devastating impact on our relationships, emotional well-being, and sense of self. Their ability to isolate us, manipulate us, drain us of our resources, and undermine our trust results in a toxic cycle that can be nearly impossible to escape. Recognising these negative influences is crucial in breaking free from their toxic grasp and rebuilding our lives on a foundation of self-worth and authenticity.

How can you recover from a painful experience? Specifically, how can you recover from being in a relationship with a narcissist?

The road to recovery may seem daunting, but by following a few key steps, you can regain control of your life and find healing.

The first and perhaps most crucial step in the recovery process is to safely get away from the narcissist. This means removing the source of pain and confusion from your life. Establishing no contact or adopting a gray-rock approach, where you become emotionally unresponsive, can be effective strategies. Additionally, it is important to set up clear boundaries and firmly maintain them. Block the narcissist and any flying monkeys, individuals who support and enable the narcissist’s behaviour. Learn to say “no” and stick to your decision, as this will protect your mental well-being and establish healthy relationships moving forward. It

To rebuild your sense of self and regain your emotional stability, it is vital to educate yourself about narcissistic personality disorder. Understanding the characteristics, manipulative tactics, and predictable patterns of narcissists can help you put your reality back together. Additionally, forgive yourself for not knowing what you were dealing with and for any reactions you may have had. It is crucial to learn to trust your instincts that your mind and heart may have ignored in the past.

Narcissistic relationships often leave individuals feeling isolated and devoid of love and connection. To overcome the trauma bond created by the narcissist, it is important to fulfil your basic human needs. Seek out opportunities for love, connection, growth, uncertainty, and contribution. This can involve learning new things, making new friends, and connecting with people who genuinely understand and support you. Furthermore, focusing on healing any childhood trauma or unresolved issues will contribute to your overall recovery process.

Finding your focus and creating new dreams for yourself is an essential part of the recovery journey. Identify new hobbies or revive old ones that bring you joy and fulfilment. By engaging in activities that resonate with your personal interests, you can rediscover your passions and develop a newfound sense of purpose.

While on your recovery journey, it is crucial to practice observing and not absorbing the toxic behaviours and attitudes of others, including the narcissist and their flying monkeys. Pay attention to people’s actions rather than solely relying on their words. This will help you identify genuine support and protect yourself from further manipulation.

Throughout this recovery process, it is important to be patient and kind to yourself. It is natural to experience setbacks, and most individuals slip up on the road to recovery. Remember to take baby steps towards your healing and consistently move forward, even if progress feels slow at times.

Smiling at others may seem like a small gesture, but it can have a profound impact on your recovery journey and the people around you. Don’t fear the reaction; rather, focus on the potential to brighten someone’s day. A simple smile has the power to infect the world with positivity and promote a more compassionate and empathetic society.

Developing a positive mindset is also key to recovering from a narcissistic relationship. Teach your brain to consciously reject negative thoughts and actively search for the positive aspects in each day. Embrace the opportunity to learn new things and acquire knowledge and wisdom that will contribute to your personal growth. Adopting a constructive and creative mindset will empower you to dream big and take small steps towards achieving your goals.

Giving compliments to others is not only a way to uplift their spirits but also to develop your own people skills and self-confidence. Genuine compliments create a ripple effect of positivity, and the act of giving praise will bring about a sense of fulfilment and enhance your interpersonal interactions. If it is initially challenging to give compliments verbally, start by practicing in your mind until you feel ready to express them openly.

Finally, remember to nurture your sense of humour. Laughter is indeed the best medicine and can significantly elevate your mood. Find what brings you joy and allows you to laugh, whether it’s funny movies, jokes, or spending time with humorous friends. Cultivate a lighthearted attitude that will help you navigate the challenges of recovery with resilience and optimism.

In summary, recovering from a traumatic experience, particularly a relationship with a narcissist, requires dedication and self-compassion. Safely removing yourself from the toxic environment is crucial, as is establishing boundaries and prioritising your well-being. Educating yourself about narcissistic personality disorder and rebuilding your sense of self are vital steps. Additionally, fulfilling your human needs, focusing on new dreams and hobbies, and practising observation without absorption will assist in your healing. Be patient and kind to yourself, smile at others, and develop a positive mindset. Paying compliments, embracing humour, and nurturing your own well-being will ultimately lead to a successful recovery.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

A Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare: Going No Contact and How They React.

Narcissist’s Worst Nightmare: Going No Contact and How They React!

In the realm of psychology, the concept of going “no contact” refers to a deliberate decision made by an individual to cut off all contact with a narcissist, be it a family member, friend, or romantic partner. No contact is a strategy employed to protect oneself from the toxic and manipulative behaviour of these individuals. While it may seem like a straightforward decision, many people find it challenging to execute due to various psychological and emotional factors. However, the impact it has on the narcissist can be truly significant and serves as their worst nightmare.

To comprehend why individuals struggle with going no contact, it is essential to understand the dynamics at play when dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists tend to possess an inflated sense of self-worth and an insatiable need for admiration and control. They are master manipulators, capable of exploiting others to further their own agenda. These individuals thrive on the attention and validation they receive from those around them, constantly seeking to feed their egos. Consequently, trying to sever ties and go no contact can be fraught with difficulty.

A primary reason people find it challenging to go no contact with a narcissist is the intense emotional attachment that may have developed over time. Narcissists excel in creating powerful emotional bonds, making it incredibly difficult for their victims to break free. This emotional attachment can be the result of shared experiences, perceived love, or even a sense of duty instilled in the victim. The fear of losing this connection, combined with a deep-seated hope for change or improvement, can hinder any attempts to break away.

Moreover, the manipulation tactics utilised by narcissists can reinforce feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and even fear in their victims. Gaslighting, a common technique employed by narcissists, involves distorting reality and making the victim question their own sanity. This psychological warfare can leave individuals feeling trapped, confused, and dependent on the narcissist for guidance and validation. Consequently, the mere thought of going no contact can trigger overwhelming anxiety and fear of the unknown.

Once the decision to go no contact is finally made, the impact on the narcissist can be profound and nightmarish. Cut off from their primary source of attention and validation, narcissists experience a significant blow to their ego and sense of self. They may react in a variety of ways, but a common response is a desperate attempt to regain control and supremacy over the victim.

The Impact on the Narcissist:

Contrary to common expectations, implementing no contact can significantly impact the narcissistic individual. Narcissists crave attention and admiration, and when this is suddenly withdrawn, they may experience a severe blow to their ego and self-perception. Realising that someone they once held power over has severed ties can be deeply unsettling, leading to various emotional reactions and subsequent attempts to regain control.

Games Narcissists Play after No Contact:

Hoovering: A narcissist may employ this tactic by reaching out to the victim, often with empty promises and pleas for a second chance. Common methods include sending sentimental gifts, love letters, or initiating contact through mutual friends.
Love Bombing: In an effort to manipulate the victim and reinstate their control, narcissists may resort to showering them with excessive attention, affection, and compliments. This sudden display of love and affection can be disarming, tempting the victim to reconsider their decision.
Withheld Numbers: To create uncertainty and evoke anxiety, narcissists may resort to calling from withheld or unfamiliar numbers. This strategy aims to instil fear in the victim that they are being constantly watched or monitored, generating doubt about their choice to go no contact.
False Promises of Change: Another common tactic employed by narcissists is making empty promises, proclaiming they have changed or undergone significant personal growth. These promises, however, are rarely sustained and often intended solely to manipulate the victim back into the toxic relationship.
False Apologies: Recognising the victim’s need for closure, a narcissist may attempt to offer an apology. However, their apologies are typically insincere and lack genuine remorse. They are often used as a ploy to manipulate the victim into re-engaging in the relationship.
Emergency: A narcissist may feign an emergency or crisis to elicit sympathy and compassion from the victim. By tugging at their empathetic nature, the narcissist aims to regain control and exploit their emotions.
Guilt: Manipulating the victim’s sense of guilt is yet another strategy employed by narcissists. They may use emotional manipulation, accusations, and blame-shifting to make the victim question their decision to go no contact.
Doing Good Deeds: In an effort to demonstrate their capability for kindness and compassion, narcissists may suddenly perform generous acts or engage in charity work. These actions serve to confuse the victim while painting the narcissist in a positive light.
Meet up One Last Time to Clear the Air: Hoping to reestablish control further, the narcissist may propose a final meeting to discuss the past and find a resolution. This tactic often proves futile, as narcissists typically use such meetings to further manipulate and undermine the victim’s decision to maintain no contact.
Provoke a Negative Reaction: Narcissists are experts at pushing boundaries and provoking emotional responses. They may resort to aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior, intentionally engaging in actions that are meant to elicit a negative reaction from the person who has gone no contact. By doing so, they regain a sense of power and control over the situation, often enjoying the turmoil they cause in the process.
Smear Your Name: In an attempt to maintain their image of superiority and control, narcissists often engage in character assassination. They may spread false rumours, distort the truth, or manipulate others’ perceptions of their victim. By tarnishing the reputation of the person who has gone no contact, the narcissist hopes to regain control and manipulate the narrative to suit their needs.
Weaponise Children: Narcissists can use their children as pawns in their quest for control. They may manipulate visitation rights, custody agreements or use emotional blackmail to weaken their ex-partner’s resolve. By weaponising the children, the narcissist aims to continue exerting control over their victim even after going no contact, leaving them emotionally trapped and financially burdened.
Stalking and Intrusion: A narcissist can become consumed with the idea of regaining control over someone who has gone no contact. They may resort to stalking, turning up unexpectedly at the victim’s workplace or hobbies, or even moving in close proximity, such as with a neighbour. Such intrusions aim to make the victim feel constantly watched and harassed, attempting to break their resolve and resume contact.
Leaving or Keeping Belongings: Another tactic employed by narcissists is to leave or keep the belongings of the person who has gone no contact. This strategy serves two purposes. Firstly, it allows the narcissist to maintain some level of control and a sense of connection to their victim. Secondly, it creates an excuse to initiate contact, prolonging their influence and manipulating the situation to match their needs.
Fall Silent: Alternatively, narcissists might choose to withdraw entirely and remain silent. This tactic is a form of emotional manipulation known as the “silent treatment.” By withholding communication and attention, narcissists aim to provoke anxiety, self-doubt, and a desperate need for validation, ultimately hoping to break their victim’s resolve and force them back into contact.

Going no contact with a narcissist is not an easy decision, but it is often necessary to reclaim one’s well-being and sanity. However, it must be understood that the repercussions of going no contact can be severe. The narcissist’s worst nightmare is undoubtedly the victim’s choice to go no contact. The withdrawal of attention and admiration poses a significant threat to their fragile ego and internal equilibrium. As a result, narcissists resort to various manipulative tactics, such as hoovering, love bombing, false promises, and guilt-tripping, to reestablish control over their victims. Recognising these tactics as mere attempts to regain dominance, it is crucial for victims to remain steadfast in maintaining and enforcing their chosen no-contact boundaries. Only then can they find the necessary space and freedom to heal and rebuild their lives.