Navigating Narcissistic Family Dynamics: The Golden Child, Scapegoat Child, and Forgotten Child

Narcissism is a personality disorder characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Narcissists often exhibit manipulative and controlling behaviour, seeking to maintain power and control over those around them. In the context of narcissistic families, the narcissistic parent may exhibit different patterns of behaviour towards their children, dividing them into roles such as the golden child, the scapegoat child, and the forgotten child.

The golden child is the favoured child in a narcissistic family dynamic. They are often seen as an extension of the narcissistic parent, reflecting their values, beliefs, and interests. The golden child is showered with love, attention, and praise and may be given special treatment or privileges that their siblings do not receive. They are held up as an example of perfection and are often expected to excel in all areas of their life to maintain their status as the golden child.

On the other end of the spectrum is the scapegoat child, who is often the target of the narcissistic parent’s negative emotions and behaviour. The scapegoat child is blamed for any problems or conflicts in the family and may be subjected to verbal, emotional, or even physical abuse. They are often made to feel like they are not good enough or worthy of love and attention and may struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-esteem as a result.

Finally, there is the forgotten child, who may be overlooked or ignored in the narcissistic family dynamic. The forgotten child may not receive the same level of attention or affection as their siblings and may feel invisible or insignificant in comparison. They may struggle with feelings of loneliness, neglect, and abandonment and may develop coping mechanisms such as withdrawing or seeking attention outside of the family in order to feel validated and seen.

In this article, we will explore the differences in how a narcissist treats their golden child, scapegoat child, and forgotten child and the emotional impact that these dynamics can have on each child.

The Golden Child

The golden child is often seen as a representation of the narcissistic parent’s own sense of self-worth and importance. They are expected to embody the qualities and traits that the narcissistic parent values most and may be praised and rewarded for their accomplishments and achievements. The golden child may receive special treatment or privileges, such as material gifts, outings, or experiences that are not extended to their siblings.

While being the golden child may seem like a position of privilege, it can also come with its own set of challenges and pressures. The golden child may feel like they have to constantly live up to the expectations placed upon them in order to maintain their status, leading to feelings of anxiety, perfectionism, and fear of failure. They may struggle with feelings of inadequacy or impostor syndrome, feeling like they are not deserving of the praise and attention that they receive.

Additionally, the golden child may develop a sense of entitlement or superiority over their siblings, leading to strained relationships and feelings of jealousy or resentment from their family members. The golden child may struggle to form healthy boundaries with their parent and may have difficulty asserting themselves or standing up for themselves in the face of manipulative or controlling behaviour.

Overall, the golden child may experience a complex mix of emotions, ranging from pride and validation to insecurity and pressure to perform. They may struggle with their sense of self-worth and identity, as they are constantly defined by their relationship to the narcissistic parent and their role within the family dynamic.

The Scapegoat Child

In contrast to the golden child, the scapegoat child is often seen as the black sheep of the family. They are blamed for any problems or conflicts that arise within the family, and may be subjected to harsh criticism, verbal abuse, or even physical violence as a result. The scapegoat child is often made to feel like they are fundamentally flawed or unworthy of love and attention and may struggle with feelings of shame, guilt, and low self-esteem as a result.

The scapegoat child may be singled out and targeted for their perceived shortcomings or failures, leading to a sense of isolation and alienation from their family members. They may feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells, afraid to make a mistake or upset the narcissistic parent in order to avoid further punishment or criticism. The scapegoat child may internalise the negative messages that they receive from their parent and may struggle to separate their own identity from the role that has been assigned to them within the family dynamic.

The emotional toll of being the scapegoat child can be significant, leading to feelings of anger, resentment, and betrayal towards their parent and siblings. They may struggle with feelings of worthlessness or helplessness, feeling like they are trapped in a cycle of abuse and manipulation that they cannot escape. The scapegoat child may develop coping mechanisms such as rebellion, defiance, or withdrawal in order to protect themselves from further harm or mistreatment.

Overall, the scapegoat child may feel like they are carrying the weight of their family’s dysfunction on their shoulders, constantly being blamed and punished for things that are beyond their control. They may struggle to trust others or form healthy relationships, as they have been conditioned to expect betrayal and rejection from those closest to them.

The Forgotten Child

The forgotten child is often overlooked or ignored in the narcissistic family dynamic, as the focus is primarily on the golden child and scapegoat child. The forgotten child may not receive the same level of attention, affection, or validation as their siblings and may feel invisible or insignificant in comparison. They may struggle to assert themselves or express their needs and desires, as they have learned that their voice does not hold the same weight or importance as others in the family.

The forgotten child may feel neglected or abandoned by their parent, leading to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and emptiness. They may feel like they are constantly seeking validation and approval from their family members, but are unable to receive the recognition and love that they crave. The forgotten child may develop a sense of unworthiness or inadequacy, feeling like they are not deserving of attention or affection from others.

The emotional impact of being the forgotten child can be profound, leading to feelings of insecurity, loneliness, and self-doubt. The forgotten child may struggle to form healthy attachments or relationships with others, as they have not been shown how to form secure and loving connections within their own family. They may carry a deep sense of shame or guilt for their perceived insignificance, feeling like they are somehow to blame for being overlooked or ignored by their parent.

Overall, the forgotten child may experience a sense of disconnection from themselves and others, as they have not been given the validation and attention that they need to thrive and grow. They may struggle to find their sense of identity and purpose, as they have not been able to explore their own interests and passions in a nurturing and supportive environment.

In conclusion, the differences in how a narcissist treats their golden child, scapegoat child, and forgotten child can have a profound impact on each child’s emotional well-being and sense of self-worth. The golden child may experience a mix of validation and pressure to perform, the scapegoat child may struggle with feelings of shame and inadequacy, and the forgotten child may feel a sense of loneliness and neglect. It is important for each child to recognise their own unique strengths and challenges and to seek support and validation outside of the narcissistic family dynamic in order to heal and grow from their experiences.

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Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

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For the free course.

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To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

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All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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The Types of People Narcissists Hate: Who are the Threats to Their Egos?

Narcissists are known for their self-centeredness, manipulation, and inability to empathise with others. They thrive on attention and admiration from others, and they will go to great lengths to ensure that they are the centre of attention at all times. As a result, they can find it difficult to be around people who do not feed into their need for validation and admiration. This can include people who care about others, happy and assertive individuals, as well as those who are successful and independent.

People who care are often empathetic, compassionate, and considerate of others’ feelings. They prioritise the needs of others and are willing to go out of their way to help those in need. Narcissists, on the other hand, are only concerned with their own needs and desires. They may view caring individuals as weak or gullible, and they may see their empathy as a way to take advantage of them. This can make it difficult for narcissists to tolerate being around people who genuinely care about others.

Happy people are a threat to narcissists because their happiness and positivity can serve as a stark contrast to the narcissist’s own insecurity and need for constant validation. Narcissists may feel envious of those who are genuinely happy and may try to bring them down in order to feel better about themselves. They may also see happy people as a challenge to their own sense of superiority and may try to diminish their accomplishments in order to boost their own ego.

Assertive individuals are confident, self-assured, and unafraid to stand up for themselves. Narcissists, on the other hand, may feel threatened by assertive individuals who are not easily manipulated or controlled. Narcissists thrive on having power and control over others, and they may feel intimidated by those who push back against their manipulative tactics. As a result, they may try to undermine or belittle assertive individuals in order to maintain their own sense of dominance.

Independent people are self-reliant, self-sufficient, and able to make decisions for themselves. Narcissists may struggle to coexist with independent individuals because they are not easily influenced or controlled. Narcissists may see independent people as a threat to their own sense of power and may try to undermine their autonomy in order to maintain control. They may also feel insecure around independent individuals who do not rely on them for validation or approval.

Successful people are achievers who set goals for themselves and work hard to achieve them. Narcissists may struggle to be around successful individuals because their accomplishments can highlight the narcissist’s own insecurities and shortcomings. Narcissists may feel envious of successful people and may try to undermine their achievements in order to feel better about themselves. They may also see successful people as a threat to their own sense of superiority and may try to diminish their accomplishments in order to maintain their own ego.

Critical thinkers are individuals who question the status quo, analyse information critically, and form their own opinions based on evidence and reasoning. Narcissists may struggle to tolerate critical thinkers because their scepticism and independent thought can challenge the narcissist’s own beliefs and perspectives. Narcissists may feel threatened by critical thinkers who do not easily accept their manipulations or lies. As a result, they may try to discredit or dismiss critical thinkers in order to maintain their own sense of control.

Humble people are those who are modest, down-to-earth, and unassuming. They do not seek attention or praise for their accomplishments and are content with themselves. Narcissists may struggle to tolerate humble individuals because their lack of need for validation can be confusing and threatening to the narcissist. Narcissists thrive on admiration and validation from others, and humble people may not provide the level of attention and admiration that narcissists crave. As a result, narcissists may try to belittle or undermine humble individuals in order to boost their own ego.

Secure individuals are those who are confident in themselves, their abilities, and their relationships. They do not rely on others for validation or approval and are comfortable with who they are. Narcissists may struggle to be around secure individuals because their lack of need for external validation can be unsettling to the narcissist. Narcissists thrive on the attention and approval of others, and secure individuals may not provide the level of validation that narcissists crave. As a result, narcissists may try to undermine or belittle secure individuals in order to boost their own ego.

In order to protect yourself from narcissists, it is important to be aware of the red flags that may indicate that someone is a narcissist. These can include:

A lack of empathy towards others
A sense of entitlement
Manipulative behavior
A need for constant admiration and validation
An inability to accept criticism or feedback
A tendency to belittle or undermine others

It is also important to set boundaries and assert yourself when necessary. Narcissists may try to manipulate or control you in order to meet their own needs, and it is important to stand up for yourself and not allow yourself to be taken advantage of. It is also important to surround yourself with supportive and caring individuals who can help you maintain your sense of self-worth and confidence.

Avoid rushing into relationships with new people, as narcissists may try to charm and manipulate you in order to gain control over you. Take the time to get to know someone before fully letting them into your life, and pay attention to any red flags that may indicate that they have narcissistic tendencies. Trust your instincts and prioritise your own well-being above all else.

In conclusion, narcissists may struggle to be around people who care, happy individuals, assertive individuals, independent individuals, successful individuals, critical thinkers, humble individuals, and secure individuals. These individuals may serve as a challenge to the narcissist’s own insecurities and need for validation and admiration. By being aware of the red flags of narcissism and setting boundaries, you can protect yourself from narcissists and surround yourself with supportive and caring individuals who can help you maintain your self-worth and confidence.

8 Types Of People The Narcissist Can Not Tolerate

Check these out!

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

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Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The Two Faces of a Narcissist: Admiration-Seeking and Envious Behaviors When Losing Control.

Narcissists have always been a topic of fascination and intrigue in psychology, with their complex and often destructive behaviour leaving a lasting impact on those around them. The term “narcissist” comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a beautiful young man who fell in love with his reflection and eventually died staring at himself in a pool of water. This story serves as a metaphor for the self-absorption and self-importance that characterises narcissistic individuals.

When a narcissist loses control over someone, whether it be a romantic partner, a friend, or a family member, their behaviour can become even more erratic and manipulative. In this article, we will explore the two sides of a narcissist when they lose control over someone: the admiration-seeking face and the envious face. We will delve into the multitude of games they play to win people back, as well as the games they play to destroy those they have lost control over.

The Admiration-Seeking Face:

One of the hallmarks of a narcissist is their constant need for admiration and validation from others. When a narcissist loses control over someone, they may resort to a variety of manipulative tactics in order to regain their admiration and secure their loyalty once again. One common tactic is love-bombing, where a narcissist inundates their target with affection, attention, and extravagant gestures in order to win them back over. They may shower their target with compliments and praise, telling them how wonderful and special they are, all in an attempt to manipulate their emotions and regain control.

Another tactic that narcissists may use in their quest for admiration is gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a narcissist makes their target doubt their own reality and sanity. They may twist the truth, deny or minimise their own harmful behavior, and shift the blame onto their target in order to maintain their own sense of superiority and control. Gaslighting can be incredibly damaging to the target’s mental and emotional well-being, as they may start to question their own perceptions and feelings.

In addition to love-bombing and gaslighting, narcissists may also employ a variety of other manipulation tactics to win people back onside. They may use guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, or playing the victim in order to elicit sympathy and provoke a reaction from their target. They may also use manipulation tactics such as triangulation, where they bring in a third party to create jealousy and competition, or hoovering, where they lure their target back in with promises of change and reconciliation.

Overall, the admiration-seeking face of a narcissist can be incredibly charming, persuasive, and manipulative. They may present a facade of vulnerability and insecurity in order to garner sympathy and support from their target, all while maintaining their sense of power and control. They may play on the target’s emotions and insecurities in order to exploit them for their own gain and may stop at nothing to ensure that they remain the centre of attention and admiration.

The Envious Face:

On the flip side, when a narcissist loses control over someone, they may also display a more malicious and destructive side of their personality. This is known as the envious face of a narcissist, where they may engage in a variety of vindictive and spiteful behaviors in order to destroy those they have lost control over. This can be especially true if the narcissist feels rejected, abandoned, or betrayed by their target.

One common tactic that narcissists may use in their quest for revenge is smear campaigning. Smear campaigning is a form of character assassination where the narcissist spreads false rumours, gossip, and lies about their target in order to tarnish their reputation and destroy their credibility. They may recruit allies and enablers to further spread these malicious rumours, creating a toxic and hostile environment for their target.

Another tactic that narcissists may use in their quest for destruction is stalking and harassment. They may obsessively monitor their target’s social media accounts, track their movements, and invade their privacy in order to maintain a sense of control and power over them. They may send threatening or abusive messages, show up uninvited at their target’s home or workplace, or engage in other forms of intimidation and harassment in order to instil fear and insecurity.

In addition to smear campaigning and stalking, narcissists may also engage in other destructive behaviours such as gaslighting, projection, and manipulation. They may twist the truth, blame their target for their own harmful behavior, and play the victim in order to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They may also try to provoke a reaction from their target by engaging in petty arguments, manipulation tactics, or emotional blackmail in order to maintain their sense of power and control.

Overall, the envious face of a narcissist can be incredibly toxic, manipulative, and destructive. They may go to great lengths to exact revenge on those they feel have wronged them and may stop at nothing to destroy their target’s reputation, credibility, and sense of self-worth. They may use a variety of emotional and psychological manipulation tactics in order to maintain their sense of power and control, and may leave a trail of destruction and chaos in their wake.

The Impact on the Target:

The impact of a narcissist losing control over someone can be devastating and long-lasting. Targets of narcissistic abuse may experience a range of emotional, psychological, and physical symptoms as a result of their interactions with a narcissist. They may experience feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and worthlessness as the narcissist manipulates their emotions and perceptions in order to maintain their sense of power and control.

Targets of narcissistic abuse may also experience symptoms of anxiety, depression, CPTSD, and other mental health conditions as a result of their interactions with a narcissist. They may struggle to trust their own perceptions and feelings, and may feel isolated, lonely, and ashamed as a result of the narcissist’s manipulative tactics. They may also experience physical symptoms such as insomnia, fatigue, and gastrointestinal issues as a result of the stress and trauma of their interactions with a narcissist.

In addition to the emotional and psychological impact, targets of narcissistic abuse may also experience financial, legal, and social consequences as a result of their interactions with a narcissist. They may be financially exploited, emotionally manipulated, or socially isolated as a result of the narcissist’s destructive behaviours. They may also be subject to harassment, stalking, and other forms of abuse as the narcissist tries to maintain their sense of power and control.

Overall, the impact of a narcissist losing control over someone can be profound and far-reaching. Targets of narcissistic abuse may struggle to recover from the trauma and devastation of their interactions with a narcissist, and may require ongoing support and therapy in order to heal and move forward. They may also need to take proactive steps to protect themselves from further harm and set boundaries with the narcissist in order to maintain their own sense of safety and well-being.

In conclusion, the two sides of a narcissist when they lose control over someone can be incredibly complex, toxic, and destructive. The admiration-seeking face may be charming, manipulative, and persuasive, while the envious face may be malicious, vindictive, and destructive. The impact on the target of narcissistic abuse can be profound and far-reaching, leaving lasting scars on their emotional, psychological, and physical well-being. It is important for targets of narcissistic abuse to seek support and therapy in order to heal from the trauma and devastation of their interactions with a narcissist, and to set boundaries with the narcissist in order to protect themselves from further harm. Ultimately, it is important to recognise the signs of narcissistic behaviour and to take proactive steps to protect oneself from the toxic and destructive influence of a narcissist.

Check these out!

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.-1

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Advertisements

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Two Sides To A Narcissists Games After No Contact. What Happens When A Narcissist Loses Control.

The Lies Narcissists Tell Themselves and Others: Understanding the Manipulative Nature of Narcissism.

Narcissism is a personality disorder characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. It can be challenging to identify a narcissist, as they often mask their true nature with charm and charisma. One of the key characteristics of a narcissist is their ability to tell themselves, and others lies that feed into their grandiose sense of self. In this article, we will explore some of the common lies narcissists tell themselves and others.

One of the most common lies that narcissists tell themselves is that they are superior to others. They believe that they are more intelligent, more talented, and more deserving of success than anyone else. This belief is often reinforced by their need for constant admiration and validation from others. They seek out people who will affirm their beliefs and dismiss those who challenge their superiority. This can lead to toxic relationships where the narcissist manipulates and controls others to maintain their sense of superiority.

Another common lie that narcissists tell themselves is that they are entitled to special treatment. They believe that the rules and expectations that apply to others do not apply to them. They expect to be treated like royalty and can become angry or aggressive when they are not given the special treatment they feel they deserve. This entitlement can lead to a pattern of selfish and exploitative behaviour, where the narcissist takes advantage of others to fulfil their own needs and desires.

Narcissists also tell themselves the lie that they are always right. They refuse to accept any criticism or feedback that challenges their beliefs or actions. They cannot handle being wrong or making mistakes, so they will go to great lengths to defend their position and discredit anyone who disagrees with them. This inability to admit fault or take responsibility for their actions can lead to damaging conflicts and broken relationships.

In addition to believing they are always right, narcissists also tell themselves the lie that nothing is ever their fault. They refuse to take accountability for their actions and blame others for their mistakes or shortcomings. This lack of accountability can have serious consequences in personal and professional relationships, as the narcissist is unable to sincerely apologise or make amends for their behavior.

Another lie narcissists tell themselves is that they are the most important person. They believe that their needs and desires should always come first, and they will go to great lengths to ensure that they are the centre of attention. This self-centeredness can make it difficult for narcissists to form genuine connections with others, as they are only interested in relationships that serve their own interests.

Narcissists also tell themselves the lie that they are the most hard done to. They have a victim mentality that leads them to believe that they are constantly being unfairly treated by others. This can manifest in a pattern of blaming and pity-seeking behaviour, where the narcissist seeks sympathy and validation from others to reinforce their sense of victimhood.

Furthermore, narcissists tell themselves the lie that they are allowed to do as they please. They believe that they are above the rules and boundaries that apply to others, and they will push the limits of social norms and ethical standards to fulfil their own desires. This can lead to manipulative and controlling behaviour that harms those around them.

One of the most damaging lies that narcissists tell themselves is that they are perfect. They have an unrealistic and inflated sense of self that leads them to believe that they are flawless and without fault. This can lead to dismissive and condescending behaviour towards others, as the narcissist sees themselves as superior to everyone else.

Additionally, narcissists tell themselves the lie that they don’t make mistakes. They cannot handle being wrong or admitting fault, so they will go to great lengths to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. This can lead to a pattern of dishonesty and manipulation, as the narcissist attempts to cover up their mistakes and maintain their facade of perfection.

Finally, narcissists tell themselves the lie that they don’t need a favour. They are unable to ask for help or acknowledge their own vulnerabilities, so they will often manipulate and guilt others into doing favours for them. This can lead to a pattern of one-sided relationships where the narcissist takes advantage of others without ever giving in return.

In conclusion, narcissists tell themselves and others a series of lies that feed into their grandiose sense of self. They believe that they are superior to others, entitled to special treatment, always right, never at fault, the most important person, the most hard done to, the victim, allowed to do as they please, perfect, don’t make mistakes, and don’t need a favour. These lies can have serious consequences in personal and professional relationships, as the narcissist’s self-centred and manipulative behaviour harms those around them. It is important to recognise these lies and set boundaries with narcissists to protect oneself from their toxic influence.

Lies Narcissists Tell Themselves