Why Narcissists Intimidate.

Narcissists intimidation is used to threaten or frighten those around them so that the narcissist can remain in control. Narcissists can intimidate in the obvious overt ways or those subtle, covert ways. Narcissists intimidate to persuade those around them into doing something they don’t want to do, believing in something that’s not true, fawning to the narcissist’s behaviour to avoid conflict or drama, appeasing the narcissist to avoid any arguments, to avoid pain.

The threats can be the double bind, where you receive mixed messages, where no matter what you choose, it’ll be a lose-lose for you and a win-win for the narcissist.

With financial abuse, they can ask to use your credit card. When you say no, they can ask in many different ways until they get an answer to use against you if they ask why and you claim it to be full, they’ll create an argument about how you shouldn’t Max them out, even though the narcissist maxed them out, they’ll give you the control of finances yet leave you no option but to let them spend all the money, then blame you for spending it all.

Those mixed messages of “If you don’t, I will.” Or “if you do, I will.” So it seems like you can. However, they’ll be consequences, and you’re never sure if the narcissist will carry out their threat or not, it can be over simple things such as meeting up with the family, going out with friends, they’ll claim they don’t want to argue with you, then create conflict before you go, or when you get home.

Narcissists can intimidate with their tone of voice, their body language when they stand over you, or back you up into a corner, while they say things such as “I wouldn’t if I was you.” The covert way, or the overt. “I will do this if you do that.”

Narcissists isolate you. They can go as extreme as convincing you in the beginning what a good idea it would be to move away, even moving countries, destroying your passport, driving licence, bank details.

Restraining you, blocking your path, blocking doorways, physically holding you back often gaslighting with. “It’s for your own good.”

Narcissists can be physically aggressive, pushing, shoving, hair pulling, spitting, slapping, punching, tickling you to hard then if you speak up gaslighting you into believing “you can not take a joke.” Or “don’t be so serious.” “It’s not my fault you’re too sensitive.” To assert power and control over you.

How to handle.

Those who try to intimidate can be dangerous. Your safety always comes first, always take any threat seriously, those who care for you, wouldn’t threaten you.

Don’t beg or plead with them to stop, when a narcissist sees something is getting to you. This often gives them a signal to do it all the more, the less they know something bothers you, the less they’ll do it, however, if they’ve done it before and gotten a rise from you when they don’t the next time some will escalate their games.

Don’t explain, justify, defend or argue with them. Narcissists just see this as a green light to get you going all the more, as to what they can use against you to get you to react so that they can blame your reactions for their toxic behaviour.

Don’t try to prove your point. They’ll lie, deny, blame-shift, gaslight, project, stay in your truth within your mind.

Don’t blame yourself, threatening behaviour, intimidation shows the narcissists lack of control, their lack in self-awareness and their lack in empathy, don’t excuse their behaviour, abuse is abuse, and there is no excuse.

Don’t threaten back, your safety comes first, and narcissists are known to threaten first then play the victim as they use your reactions against you.

Find a safe way out.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Intimidation.

The Narcissists Idealisation.

Narcissists idealise their life with you, in many manipulative covert ways, so we don’t recognise the games they play.

Idealisation is the narcissist act of representing themselves as perfect, and better than reality, representing their life or how our life would be with them, how our life is with them better than it actually is through many gaslighting methods, from love-bombing, mirroring, future faking and false apologies.

The narcissist’s idealisation is their defence mechanism, it helps them manage their shame their insecurities and their fear. Narcissists will attribute overly optimistic qualities of the future to another person.

Love-bombing.

Narcissist’s often force quick involvement through their love bombing. The intensity of this means we often mistake it as a genuine connection and understanding of each other, believing they get us better than anyone ever has, opening our attachment system as we become emotionally and chemically addicted to them.

The narcissists love bombing can easily be mistaken for the excitement of the honeymoon period of any new relationship. We mistake Their excessive flattery as compliments, their generous giving of gifts as kindness, their manipulative words of affirmation as communication, not realising it’s all a game to them, a game they played with the ex, their family, their friends, games they played with us and games they’ll play with the new, as we just don’t think how they do, so we believe they are coming from the same place we are, as we don’t think like them, it takes a lot of time trying to understand and accept who they genuinely are as a person and lose the illusion of who they sold themselves to be in the idealisation or re-idealisation stages of the relationship.

Mirroring.

Narcissists mirror all our likes and dislike, our dreams and our hobbies, and they sell us the illusion that they want the same things as us, that they enjoy all we enjoy, and they don’t enjoy the things we don’t, it seems to good to be true, as we don’t realise it is too good to be true.

When a narcissist mirrors, it’s done on a conscious level as they study us to purposefully reflect back what we would like to hear, often accompanied by Future Faking. Some will stalk our social media. Others will ask friends and family about us. They are literally gathering data. As a narcissist lacks in their own authentic personality, they are selling us ours. They want to build our hopes and dreams up, which creates the Trauma Bond.

Future faking.

The narcissist future faking is where the narcissist will create an ideal of the future, often using our dreams against us and making out they want these things also. Narcissist’s use the future to get their needs met in the present by getting us to focus on the future promise that they will not deliver to gaslight us by selling us an illusion of something that was never meant to be.

Future faking is to hide things from us to distract us from the reality of what’s truly happening they will promise something and then when they don’t deliver on that promise if we question them about it it’ll be a case of. ” I’m sorry if only you.” to blame you for things that you possibly didn’t even do. Future faking is to sell you that hope that if only you did something, they would do something for you, to make you feel gratitude so if they promise you something then don’t deliver. If asked them about it they will come up with something they have done, or they will gaslight you into believing they did something they didn’t. They will say. ”what about when I.”

Devalue.

Narcissists devalue those around them when they become envious of them of fear losing them, narcissist’s place their inner shame into those around them, they devalue people into believing they aren’t worthy of the narcissist, through projection, silent treatments, blame-shifting, gaslighting, triangulation, intimidation, invalidation. So we underestimate our worth and believe we don’t deserve any better.

Intermittent reinforcements.

A narcissist will offer intermittent stages of re-idealisation. They breadcrumb us throughout the relationship to give us the hope that if we just trust them a little bit longer, all will be ok. However, it never is ok, as they lied about who they are, and they lie to cover up those lies so we can not see through their lies to get to our reality. We become grateful for those crumbs of help, grateful they still want us after they devalued us.

From the love bombing to the devaluation, we are left in a state of not knowing one reality to the next, they create the ideal, to then blame us for everything that goes wrong, as we hold ourselves accountable for our behaviour, with their gaslighting, we question our thoughts, feelings, opinions and behaviour and not the narcissists.

Due to the narcissists idealisation, blame-shifting, projection and gaslighting, we doubt and question who we are as a person and not the narcissist who’s causing those same doubts within our minds.

If the relationship were healthy, the narcissist would be supportive of you. They wouldn’t belittle you.

If the relationship were healthy, it would be give and take, it wouldn’t be them being there for you when they need you, and you being there for them when they need you. Then they disappear on you when you need them.

If the relationship were healthy you would want to bring out the best in each other when someone is committed to baiting you into bringing out the worst in you, they’re trying to cover up the things they actually do, and their true intentions behind their behaviour.

If the relationship were healthy, you’d feel safe.

Idealisation.

The Narcissists Distraction.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Why Do Narcissists Ruin Special Occasions?

People can have the holiday blues. However, they wouldn’t go around trying to ruin it for loved ones as they care for those loved ones, with a narcissist if it’s not about them as they believe they’re entitled to special admiration, they will seek to destroy it for those around them.

Special occasions are days to celebrate, to appreciate others or appreciate what others have done, to create and share memories, to show thanks or gratitude, to laugh, to spend time with loved ones.

The narcissist is envious, and as they feel entitled and deserving of all the attention, they feel great envy if they think others are getting something they’re not. They want to be in control, and when they feel like they’re losing control they go through major child-like tantrums, to ruin it for others or bring the attention back onto themselves, as they lack empathy to care for how their behaviour affects others, they believe they’re in the right to behave how they do, and they will project and pass the blame onto those around them.

The narcissist doesn’t enjoy not being the reason others are happy, so they’ll find an explanation as to why others have made the narcissist unhappy to justify the narcissist then bringing others down, to feel better about themselves.

They enjoy being in the driver’s seat of other peoples emotions.

Narcissist ruin special occasion to

1. Gain sympathy.

2. Hoover people.

3. Create drama, conflict, chaos.

4. Exclude people.

5. Raise peoples expectations, to let people down.

6. Use sentimental things to threaten people.

7. Giving gifts to use against people ”have you any idea how much this cost?”

In the love bombing.

They can use a special occasion by the giving of excessive gifts in order to pull people in, make people feel hopeful, or with excessive attention making people feel understood.

In the devaluation.

A narcissist can spin a fair pity play into why they don’t enjoy special occasions to make others feel guilty for celebrating, to excuse the fact the narcissist doesn’t want to, nor do they want others to. They can promise things then fail to deliver, gaslighting with. ” I never said that. ” or ”Don’t be so greedy.” ”Don’t be so ungrateful remember when.” or the narcissist classic ”If only you.” to excuse the fact the narcissist didn’t bother, and to shift the blame. A narcissist might not even acknowledge a special occasion in the discard.

They might explain why you don’t need to bother then sulk when you don’t bother, or sulk when you do because you knew if you didn’t, they’d sulk. They might expect you to go all out, then sulk when you don’t because they told you not to bother.

There’s no winning with a selfish, self-entitled hypocrite.

In the discard.

You’ll get nothing. Or they’ll be out there In the love-bombing stage with someone new, buying lavish gifts they promised you, for the new supply and they’ll get flying monkeys to make sure you know.

In the Hoover.

They might start sending gifts again, or making those false promises of the future, those future fakes of let’s get married, let’s go on holiday, they can also use these in the intermittent reinforcement stages to suck you back in and give you the false hope of something that was never meant to be.

A narcissist can ruin a special occasion by.

1. Project how they feel onto others, bait to make other angry, sulk to create the atmosphere, silent treatments to be neglectful, because they feel entitled to do so, the more we try to cheer them up, often the more they’ll try to sink us.

1. Buy you gifts they want, things you have no interest in if you mention they’ll call you ”ungrateful.” to focus on your feelings and not their behaviour.

2. Sulk at gifts they got, because whatever they have, they always want more.

3. Turn up late and expect everyone to be grateful they showed up at all.

4. Be a no show, in the hopes, everyone will chase them to see how they are.

5. Chip away at people to drain them, bring those around them down, once they’ve upset others often the narcissist is happy again as they’ve achieved their goal.

6. When they’re invited to a family event they might claim they really want to go, however, they can not because you don’t want to, triangulation and it helps with the narcissist smear campaign.

7. Pity play, how they never got.

8. Start an argument, either before an event, then when you arrive all frazzled, the narcissist will be the life and soul of the party, smearing your name as to how miserable you are and why you can never go anywhere, again triangulation.

9. They might go overboard, especially if there is an audience to influence, that grandiosity giving the best party ever, best gifts ever. The narcissist would expect you to shower them with eternal gratitude and obligation, then when you speak your truth, others don’t believe you after all the narcissist did for you, and enablers will say. ”after all they did for you.” ”I couldn’t imagine them being like that. They’ve always been great with me.”

If you’re still with them.

1. Set boundaries.

2. Don’t try to involve them, leave them to it.

3. Try not to isolate yourself.

4. Stay safe.

If you’re alone.

1. Set boundaries, whatever those boundaries are to you.

2. Treat yourself, spoil yourself, do those things you always wanted to do, yet the narcissist wouldn’t allow you to do.

3. As tempting as it is to hide, try not to isolate yourself.

4. When people ask what you’re doing let them know, this isn’t to go around playing the sympathy cards, if people ask be honest, genuine people who care will help, as you would them.

5. Self-care, you have to be at your best to give your best, don’t be too hard on yourself, lots of self-care.

6. Start new routines/traditions, things you’ve always wanted to do or try something new.

7. Get busy doing things you enjoy.

8. Find things you can be grateful for.

9. If social media is depressing you, get off social media and find something that lifts your mood.

Special occasions.

The admiration seeking narcissist.

Why do narcissists ruin holidays?

Spending the holidays alone.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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What Is The Narcissist’s Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse.

The term gaslighting comes from the 1944 psychological thriller movie Gaslight. The film is adapted from Patrick Hamilton’s play Gas light in 1938. The play is about a husband who slowly manipulates his wife into believing she’s going insane.

Gaslighting is psychological manipulation, In which the narcissist covertly plants seeds of self-doubt, so we end up questioning our memories, our opinions, our perceptions, our values, our beliefs, our judgment and our reality. Causing things such as anxiety, codependency, ruminating, cptsd, memory problems, brain fog, lack of concentration, sleep deprivation, physical health problems, lack in confidence and cognitive dissonance, as we are living with two or more conflicting beliefs or realities, as we have the one we believe and the one the narcissist is psychologically manipulating us to no longer knowing what to believe.

Signs you’re being gaslighted.

Questioning if you’re too sensitive or insecure.

Feeling less confident about yourself.

Not feeling like yourself.

Feeling like you can not do right for doing wrong.

Apologising often.

Always blaming yourself.

Second-guessing yourself.

Afraid to speak up for yourself.

A narcissist can gaslight by.

Raging out of nowhere.

Lying about events.

Denying all knowledge of saying or doing something.

Playing the victim.

Shaming you for their behaviour.

Twisting the story onto you.

Refusing to talk to you (silent treatment.)

They will say or do something then deny ever doing it, even with facts and evidence.

Narcissists will use gaslighting phrases such as.

“Stop imagining things.”

“I never said that.”

“You must be confused.”

“That didn’t happen.”

“If only you hadn’t.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Stop overreacting.”

“Take a joke.”

“You’re overacting.”

Tactics they use gaslighting in.

  • Baiting. “You’re imagining things. You’re overacting.”

• Idealisation. “I love you. I’ve never met anyone like you before. We were made for each other.”

Future faking. “Let’s get married. Let’s have a child. We shall be together forever.”

• Mirroring. “I love that too. That’s exactly how I want my life to be also.”

Devaluation. “Are you going to wear that? You can not do that. I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I was only joking.”

• Discard. “You’re bitter. You’re jealous. You’re insecure. You’re crazy.”

Hoover.” I miss you. If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t. But I need you. It wasn’t my fault. I’ll go to counselling. Let’s start that family.”

• Invalidation. “You’re too sensitive. You’re not capable. That didn’t happen. Not my problem.”

• Intimidation. “I wouldn’t if I was you? Are you really going to do that? If you do, they I’ll. I was only joking.” That stare.

• The silent treatments. They might not be gaslighting us with their words, but they’re gaslighting us into finding fault with ourselves and to apologies/make it up to them.

• Triangulation. “They don’t like you. They interfere too much. They said this about you. My ex would. Your siblings can.”

• The smear campaigns. ” They’re crazy. They abused me. They took all my money.”

• Projection. “If only you. Why do you have to ruin everything? I’m not looking for an argument.”

• False apologies. “I’m sorry for you. I’m sorry but.”

• Provoking, using you’re weakness against you or falling silent on you, guilt-tripping you, emotional abuse.

How to handle.

With a lot of what the narcissist says, it often comes down to your word against their word, if you can keep communication with a third party present, via email or messages, so you have written evidence, if not especially if your at the start of learning about their manipulation games or might need proof, keep a written diary, so when they are making you doubt something they did or did not say or something you did or didn’t say, you can check this, especially when it comes to making any child care arrangements.

Your mindset is also crucial, they are not in charge of you, they are not in charge of how you feel, your mind controls your emotions, and you control your mind, take back control of your mind, every step of every day, until you are you, your life or who you want to be, so if they’re trying to confuse you. You know exactly what happened, look inward to yourself and give yourself the answer, do not respond or react to them, a narcissist will not suddenly say “Oh yes sorry, you’re right.” The best you’ll get is more gaslighting of ”I’m sorry you. I’m sorry but you.” and when they get what they want, they’ll no longer be interested in you. You have to learn to look to yourself and leave them be in their own false reality.

You do not have to explain, defend or rationalise yourself to the narcissist. This is only giving them more attention, more reactions and more ammunition to use against you, keeping their control over you and your mind, just know what you know and leave them be, the only person you need to answer to is yourself. When they try to trigger you, Retreat, Rethink and only respond if you need to do so.

When you do have to communicate with them, do your best to stay relaxed, do not show them any emotions, look just over their right ear. If they are reasonable, be reasonable back, if they are being harmful or hurtful, do not engage, just like two wrongs don’t make a right, two people locked in negativity, don’t bring either happiness. You can scream and cry let those emotions out once they have left. This is why it’s best to stick to limited contact, using messages and emails, especially at the start, some are dangerous so it would need to be no contact.

In-person when they’re blaming you saying, that’s just like you, why do you have to make everything so different respond with. reply with. ”Your opinions of me are not my responsibility.”

When they’re shaming you, telling you that you’re overreacting, criticising or judging you, ”you’re entitled to your perception of me.”

When they’re guilt-tripping you. ”I’m sorry, I can not help you.”

Remember their shaming of you is often projection, which is usually a confession of their real character or intentions, then they say. ” I just want peace, I don’t want to argue.” it means they don’t and won’t take responsibility for the things they do, and they will blame you for any conflict.

With any narcissist your best response is no response, stay in your reality and leave the narcissist to it, what they say about you is not for you, those who love and care for you would not treat you in the ways narcissistic people do.

Gaslighting.

The narcissists blame-shifting.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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