No contact, if you can that’s the best,
If you have children, grey rock.
There is the various posts on hear and all over the internet about both of these. this ones a little different to what’s out there. What I found worked for me.
Now because of all those highs and lows, that’s leaves your brain with the trauma bond, because they can be really nice people some times, and perhaps we don’t want to admit to ourselves that people like this exist, especially if you have children with them, to begin with, it’s incredibly hard to stick to no contact, especially when they come back all sweetness and light, or you have children and you want them to have a good parent, so you reach out time and time again just to be slated.
You’ve changed for them so many times, you’ve tried to communicate so many different ways and nothing works. So what works with these people.
Every villain has a nemesis,
With a narcissist it’s no reaction, their souls slowly wither if they getting no reactions, no doubt they go find it elsewhere, but, no reaction is the karma, they hate it when you treat them to the silent treatment they taught you oh so well. I slipped up with these loads, but you do get it and life becomes so much more peaceful, I actually ended up at one point looking at them with pity, knowing they can never find true happiness. The narcissist karma, for all they put you through.
A narcissist wants to be the start of their own movie, the also want to direct, edit things out, chose the audience, yet without an audience that movie is nothing.
So to movies I used to help me stick to grey rock, boundaries and routine, no matter what the narcissist throws, plus lots of counteracting that negative with the children, teaching the boys about opinions, boundaries and routine without bad mouthing the parent to them at all, they get enough of this from the narcissist. as the children still visit that narcissist, limited contact is a must for their mental health. Some children can not have contact if the safe guarding is to big, I’m keeping a very close eye on the boys incase i can no longer counter act.
Gremlins, if you’ve seen it. I like to think upon my ex-narcissist as that loveable cute gremlin, that you have no choice but to walk away from as, if not looked after properly they self destruct because they have little self-worth deep down. They don’t know how they want to be treated so, you’ve got no chance of doing that right, you also don’t need a toddler throwing a massive tantrum all the time in an adults body, which is basically what narcissists do. They spit the dummy out at every given opportunity, leaving you feeling confused and crazy.
What are the rules? no water on gizmo. What happens when water gets spilt on gizmo, they multiply and five more form from gizmo back. The trouble makers led by stripe.
Narcissist, what are the rules? don’t question them about any wrongdoing. They have multiple personas they go through, and throw straight back at you to avoid accountability. Perhaps you have evidence, wow they’ll still deny. How it goes down, you probably remember all too well.
They go through.
Blame shifting, projection, word salad.
Then comes the anger,
Then comes the rage,
Then comes the silent treatment, which of course if you cave, grovel and apologise at any point they might stop. If not they’ll pedal through them all until the silent treatment drives your thoughts crazy, you believe you was at fault and you apologise.
Gremlins rule, don’t feed after midnight. When fed after midnight they turn into the nasty gremlins and torture poor gizmo,
The narcissist after the golden period, if you criticise them, either without even knowing because of their own insecurities or if you try to have a rational conversation about something like normal peoples. Where they believe you are wrong, They start with all of the word salad then, if you react it’s all your fault, if not, they cycle through the, blame shifting, anger, rage and silent treatment. slowly but surely, small subtle things to tortures your mindset, so you end up not knowing if you’re coming or going, if you’re right or wrong, even believing your the crazy one, believing you’re in the wrong, they keep going until you conform, then they up the game on you what was right last week, is no longer right this week, no matter what you do, it’ll never ever be good enough for their own tortured soles, they don’t think anything’s wrong with them, to them everybody else is to blame, for all their problems, love will not fix them.
Or just like spike in the movie, who cuts the power to the alarm clock to trick billy into feeding them after midnight, them Covina appear out hatch the monsters that torture gizmo and try to kill billy mother.
Narcissist, try to cut you from all friends and family, from your support system. trick you with gaslighting and manipulation, to slowly torture your inner soul without you even knowing, slowly but surly changing your mindset, so you conform to them, killing of who you truly are.
Gremlins, bright light hurts them,
Narcissist your knowledge hurts them when you start waking from that trance they’ve manipulatively placed you in, back comes that cute little gizmo and the golden period, just long enough to manipulate you some more and to send you under again. Some more highs and lows to strengthen that trauma bond and boom stripe is back,
Whilst a narcissist is getting supply from others, just like spike in gremlins, the narcissist keeps going tormenting new people to get their needs met.
Sunlight kills gremlins.
Exposing a narcissist takes all their false self away to all those around them, which kills them on the inside as they live off that false persona.
So when you do work them out, they’ll be fast to smear your name, keeping themselves unaccountable, they will discard you. They will threaten you.
If a narcissist hasn’t got others lined you to draw emotions from, no reactions from you or anyone is like sunlight was to the gremlins.
As they are left with their own tortured sole.
So when they reappear, so cute, so loving so kind, so caring, promises to change, stick to grey rock or no contact if possible.
One day you’ll look at them with a what the hell was I even thinking? when you know how ugly they are on the inside, you realise just how ugly they are on the outside.
They are vampires in the flesh, no not the Edward out of twilight, more of the Arlo.
They literally suck everything from you, stealing your mind, your heart, your belongings and some even manage to keep the children from you, we know that children are not your property or theirs, yet they take your rights away to nurture and raise those children in to happy healthy adults, if this is you, get better then fight all the way and get those children back under a safe loving roof.
They might not suck your blood, but they might as well, as they leave you so drained and tired you’re lost, I was hit with illness after illness whilst in the depths of the relationship, from pneumonia and pleurisy. To food poisoning, Campylobacter. My own dad actually asked at the time if they’d poisoned me, which was a joke, but with these people, please be careful. Narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, What was worse I was wiped out for months? Yet I had to carry on with work, household chores and taking care of the children. As of course I was the one paying all the bills. That was perhaps one of the hardest times of my life, I learnt that no matter how hard life can be, you can always make it through whatever life throws at you. You may not always see the lesson at the time, but no matter how hard, you’ll see one day, you’d not be as strong or as wise if it wasn’t for your past. You truly are an amazing, loving, patient kind person, for trying to help the narcissist, but unfortunately, you can not. So now is the time to cut them loose, let them go, no contact or grey rock is a must for your own sanity.
A lady sat on a delayed train from Manchester to London, and started to write on napkins, divorced from her husband, diagnosed with clinical depression, no job and a child to take care of, she got turned down by 12 punishers, she kept going, that lady is j.k Rowling.
A quote from Harry Potter.
Dumbledore says. “ happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”
A narcissist needs to steal your light to hide away from their inners darkness, you can not help them, you can find your inner light again and escape that darkness.
I’m not the most photogenic of people, why I haven’t included pics, but Here is, before I met the narcissist, in the darkest of days with the narcissist and a couple of months free, and then reclaiming my life and my happiness, it might help you to take a look back through your own if you’re thinking of taking them back, I didn’t find the middle photo until after recovery. I now truly understand why I could have looked like I was going crazy. Also why people informed me how much better I was looking once I was out. don’t repaint their colours, you can not help them. You can, however, help you. You will move forwards to a much happier life, once your minds free of that narcissist. You’ve got this