7 Signs They Don’t Care About You.

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, due to their very nature and exploitative behaviour, it’s difficult to see if they care or not due to their many covert manipulative mind games to distract us from who they are. Their behaviour is often covert as it’s hidden from us. Narcissistic people are incredibly deceptive. They sell you an illusion of who they can be, based on the information they’ve gained from us of who we’d like them to be, then they will love bomb, idealise, mirror and future fake to hide the fact they lack the empathy actually to care for us, here are seven red flags that they don’t care.

1. They don’t do favours for you.

Narcissistic people don’t do favours for anyone other than themselves, which is why it’s so confusing when they do something for you, something you might have not even asked them to do, leading you to believe that they care. However, they will one day use this as currency against you to emotionally manipulate you. When they ask something from you, and you say no, they don’t respect your no. Instead, they say, “after I did that for you.” Or “after I let you.” To guilt you into changing your no into a yes to serve them, they’ll even accuse you of not caring for them, so you’re the one left feeling inadequate, not seeing what they’re trying to do to you, playing with your emotions. Narcissistic people will only do a favour for anyone if it somehow benefits themselves, like the image they’re trying to sell to others.

2. They don’t care about your needs.

Narcissistic people are preoccupied with themselves. They’re self-entitled and exploitative. They don’t care about what you need unless they need something from you. They can act like they care when it suits a need of their own. However, when you need something from them, they’ll disappear on you and tell you to “deal with it.” Accuse you of being selfish, demanding, or stubborn, yet when they need something from you, and you don’t do it straight away, they’ll accuse you of not caring about them, so you feel guilty and want to prove you care, failing to recognise they don’t care for you.

3. They don’t know the little things about you.

Narcissistic people lack the empathy to care and are arrogant enough to believe they already know everything, as they don’t care, they’re not interested in the little things about you, unless they can use these things against you, they find a thing you’d like to do, and claim they’ll do it with you, future faking, once their need has been met, they forget about that promise they once made to you, if you bring it up, they claim they never said that you imagine things, if you weren’t so demanding they’d want to spend time with you, so you’re left feeling hurt and bad for chasing them, changing yourself to suit them, not recognising all they do is suit themselves.

4. They put the minimum effort.

Narcissistic people will put the bare minimum effort in, sending generic messages, taking you somewhere they want to go, picking up generic gifts, not doing much for you, claiming they’re tired, had a bad day, you know what they’re like in a morning, yet they expect you to put maximum effort in for them, they’ll avoid taking you to important medical appointments (unless they can play the hero.) yet they expect you to chauffeur them.

5. They don’t talk with you.

Narcissistic people don’t talk with you. They talk at you. You might ask how their day has been. If they want to talk, they will. If they don’t, they’ll be silent, leaving you questioning what’s wrong, what you have done and chasing them. However, if they talk, they’ll want acknowledging for their achievements or sympathetic attention for their problems, they might even ask how your day has been, yet they’ll interrupt you, and bring it back onto themselves if you ask about this they’ll accuse you of making it all about you, exactly what the narcissist is doing to you, making it about them, yet if you push the topic they’ll accuse you of not being interested in them, so you question yourself and not their behaviour.

6. They don’t remember the good times.

Narcissistic people focus on what you haven’t done, failed to do, or didn’t do good enough. With their insecurities, they seek to pull others down to feel superior to themselves. No matter how much you do for them, it’s never enough for a narcissist. However, if they want something from you, they’ll come at you with “remember when I.” If they’re trying to hoover you back in, they claim. “We were so good together, remember when.” Which is often something in the love bombing or intermittent reinforcement stage, or when they did for you because they wanted something from you. When you don’t take the bait, a narcissist will accuse you of being ungrateful.

7. They’ed rather impress a stranger than care for their own family.

Narcissistic people don’t do responsibility. They do deception, and their family might not know who they are; however, due to the toxic nature of the narcissist, their families might no longer admire the narcissist as the narcissist feels entitled, or the narcissist might seek to punish the family for not attending to the narcissist. “ if you’d had paid me more attention.” However, no matter how much attention you give a narcissist, it’s never enough for a narcissist, so they seek it elsewhere because those who are unaware are easily influenced be the narcissists charismatic charm or victim plays, admiring the narcissist or feeling sorry for the narcissist, giving the narcissist the attention that the narcissist believes they’re not getting at home.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse. 

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.

Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship.

Signs you are being emotionally abused.

Whenever we get into a new relationship, we are taking a risk, we don’t know everyone, yet we’d like to believe people are genuine. No one gets involved with or stays with an abusive partner intentionally.

Some narcissists use physical violence. Often by this point, you’re too full of fear to leave them, yet a lot of narcissistic People don’t use physical violence. Mental abuse is harder to see.

Signs within yourself.

Are you blaming yourself for their actions toward you? Do you keep hoping they’ll change? Are you isolated from friends and family? Are you getting bad anxiety? Are you feeling depressed? No longer knowing who you are? Are you walking on eggshells? No longer feeling comfortable around your partner? Fearing what mood they’ll wake up in? Fearing the key in the door? Or, if you don’t manage to answer the phone to them straight away, live in fear of their accusations or reactions? Are you no longer going out with friends? If most of the answers are yes, it is highly likely you’re with a narcissistic person. Even if they are not a narcissist, they are extremely harmful or toxic. If your fear speaking up for yourself and feel your boundaries are slipping, you need to find a safe way out. Do you feel safe? If you no longer feel safe, you need to find a safe way out.

An abusive relationship can have devastating effects not only on your mental health but your physical health also. These relationships can not only happen in our romantic relationship, but it can also happen with friends, family and people within your work setting.

Emotional abuse is harrowing and hard to see it’s happening to you, as it happens so gradually over time, as the abuser can treat you so well at times. They have ways of explaining everything away, making you doubt yourself, or making you blame yourself, then as they fill all your human needs for certainty, uncertainty, contribution, growth, love and connection, significance in a negative way. As you are left so uncertain at times, yet certain you’re in a relationship, you forever grow and change even though it’s hurting you. Sometimes you feel the love from them, and you contribute by always picking the pieces up after them. You become addicted to the abuser on a subconscious level.

In the beginning, they lure you in, make you feel comfortable then slowly take control over you. Genuine, kind-hearted people make excuses for their partner’s behaviour, often blaming themselves, so continually sacrificing themselves and things they enjoy in attempts to make the relationship work.

If you’re feeling any of these, crazy, confused, depressed, broken, beaten, always to blame, fear of reactions, cannot get your own inner feelings out, feeling worthless, unlovable, self-doubt, thinking it’s all so unbelievable, there is a high chance you’re around an abusive person.

Twelve signs you’re in a psychologically abusive relationship.

1. You’re always feeling on edge and fearful. You’re afraid to speak out or speak up at times. You are worried about or scared of their reactions if you do.

2. They are very petty. They make a massive deal over minor things; what you did right once is suddenly no longer right. Even simple things like you have not cooked their vegetables how they like them.

3. You’ve lost your self-esteem. They criticise you over things about your friendship choices, your family members, to how you clean, how you parent, how you cook, tell you you’re not good enough, criticise how you dress, and your figure. All to make them feel better about themselves, slowly losing your self-esteem.

4. You’ve lost your self-respect as they take down your boundaries one by one, gaslighting you, saying, “my friend’s partner would.” Or “My ex would.” To “You’re too regimented and need to loosen up.” Giving you the silent treatment if you don’t conform to their demands.
5. They block you and cut you off. Any topic you try to raise, they either change it to something completely different, bring up something you did, rage at you or silent treatment you. Making you lose what the discussion was indeed about.

6. They distract you, again changing the subject or saying. “You’re too sensitive,” you’re overacting.” Or “That never happened.” “I told you last week you’re losing your memory.” So you doubt your instincts and your version of reality, usually then going to the abuser for a reality check.

7. You end up walking on eggshells around them, always being careful what you say or do, where you go, for fear of how they’ll react.

8. You feel humiliated. They often poke fun at you, especially in front of others, in subtle ways. They do it in the form of. “I’m only joking.” Slowly losing your confidence. They also do it by making comments about how you look. Covert narcissist. “You’re not wearing that are you.” Overt narcissists. “That looks terrible on you.”

9. They use all your weaknesses against you, provoking you constantly to get reactions from you when you defend yourself, then they blame it all on you, leaving you full of more self-doubt and feeling guilty for how you reacted, often blaming yourself.

10. If you’re hurt or upset, they often show no compassion, often walking out and leaving you upset. Or they’ll go on about a situation they had that was far worse. They don’t care for your feelings and have no real empathy towards you unless they have something to gain by pretending to do so.

11. They treat you better than anyone ever has at times, to keep you more confused and working harder to please them. This is what makes it so confusing: they’re not bad all the time. They switch the game from being nice to nasty, like a flip of a light switch to keep you in a trance while they slowly drain everything from you.

12. You no longer know who you are; you don’t feel yourself anymore and feel like you’re slowly losing more and more of who you are. You lost all the things you used to enjoy so much, your values, your trust and your beliefs.

13. You’re always on edge, and it’s starting to become not only when you are around your abuser but when you’re around others also. You’ve lost your self-trust in your judgment, you feel judged by others, and you no longer trust those around you.

If you’re still in an abusive relationship, seek help from the domestic violence helpline, and ask friends and family for assistance if you’ve not been isolated from them.

Stay safe. Do not tell your abuser what you think or that you are leaving, try gathering money, and keeping a diary of events where the abuser can not find it. Gather passports and birth certificates, and get to a safe place.

You are not alone. Unfortunately, a lot have been through and are going through this, and some people understand how you feel and what’s happening.

You can, and you will break free and move on to a much happier life.

Letting go can be extremely hard. It is possible, though. You’ve just got to find the best method for you to achieve it for yourself.

Learn to let go of all the blame, yet don’t pass all the blame over. Take responsibility for yourself, and never for them. No one deserves to be abused. Blaming those who have hurt us for everything that is wrong within our own lives only holds you back, “ If it wasn’t for them doing that to me.” is only keeping you trapped in your own negative mindset and your past. You need to change it to. Blaming others is only self-sabotaging your own peace of mind and your own inner happiness. Pass responsibility for their behaviour back to them. Abuse is abuse, no excuse. You did nothing to deserve that. That is on them.

The past is in the past. If you want to become free, you need to stop locking yourself into your past. Once you heal from your past, whatever that narcissist is trying to do to you now, you’ll no longer be affected. Once you understand how and why they act the way they do, learn to observe and not absorb. Keep your standards high for yourself, lower your expectations of those who are incapable of loving and caring for others, learn practice and do grey rock or no contact. Your life will become so much easier.

If you don’t want them to win, let it go, move on and create a happier, more optimistic, more successful you.

If you really want to move on, stop letting your past hold you back.

They are thieves, so now, in the present moment, and every present moment after this, you need to stop allowing others to steal your joy.

Stop letting them live rent-free in your mind. Yes, this takes practice. If you want to achieve this, use pattern interrupt. Every time they pop into your mind, you have to consciously remove that thought and replace it with a positive one. There is a post on this page with more information about pattern interrupt.

No longer allow them to steal your joy and live in your mind when they pull something in the present moment, don’t give them what they want; instead, stay calm and do not react. It’s hard at first, but the more you practice, the easier it becomes, don’t let it spoil the rest of your day. Let it go.

Sometimes, people hold on to the past and the pain and the blame, as they believe it’s easier than moving on. You’ve got to face up to that pain of letting go. So you can move onto a much happier future,

The more you allow them to infect your mind, the more of your life they take from you. They are a virus that swoops in, treat you better than anyone ever has, and then slowly destroys you. It takes time and work from you to recover from that trauma bond, just like when you get ill, you have to take the steps to get better when you break a bone. It has to heal, depending on the severity of the narcissist and how long you were with them, how much it affected your health, and how much they are trying to affect you now, differs to how long it takes individuals to recover, we are all more than capable of recovery if you put your mind to it, others have done it before you, with more awareness it’ll become easier and hopefully stop people getting involved with these, energy-draining vampires in the first place.

The best and only revenge is letting go and moving on. Showing you’re strong enough to let go, your ego is happy to let go, you’re now not even interested in them to even bother seeking revenge, or give reactions as you are now free to be happy, you’re now free to live your own successful life, something they’ll never be able to do, as they don’t see themselves as the problem, they can only hit pattern repeat, you can hit pattern interrupt and start a new direction, a great journey, wiser and stronger than you were before.

You can live in calm, peace and joy. Let them take their toxic, infectious negativity elsewhere.

People always hit some form of a roadblock in life’s journey, life doesn’t always go as planned, but you can leave your mistakes in the past and take the lessons into your present.

Give yourself a positive mindset, focus on the good, write down the good things you have, and focus on adding to that list.

Write down the good things you want in life, then keep adding to the list.

People don’t just get lucky in life. And they work hard to make their own dreams a reality. When they hit an obstacle, when it gets tough, they find a way to find the positive and move past it.

Lose negative thoughts instantly and focus on what you can do to be positive. Focus on the good and lose those negatives. You will also have to lose that victim mindset, the mindset of negative toxic people live by, and people can not help them. They seek to destroy others to feel better within themselves. You can give something back to those who are reasonable people and help others. You can be bigger and better than they can ever be.

Your past is over. Close that book. Don’t cheat yourself out of a positive future by living in your past. Your past no longer exists. The here and now, the present moment, is what exists.

When you keep hold of resentment, you will only suffer. You need to become happy within yourself, and then things will become perfect. You’ll be able to laugh off toxic people’s negative behaviour. It’ll no longer consume you. With your inner happiness, and wisdom on toxic people, new-found boundaries and saying no, to things you don’t find acceptable, you’ll have a self-made shield around you to deflect toxic people away from you.

Life isn’t always perfect, life is hard, but if you can get into that positive place, it’ll become easier to deal with a hard times, go through them, release them and go again.

See the good in everything, but understand that some people can not be helped and leave them be.

Forgive those who have hurt you. It’s in the past. You have to accept that it happened to you and let it go. You don’t have to accept that it was ok. Abuse is never ok, and there is no excuse, but forgiving yourself, as you didn’t have the understanding of what all the manipulation, gaslighting, word salad, and blame-shifting were doing to you.

Forgiveness is for you to release yourself from them, to free yourself from your past, to release that hope that it couldn’t have been any different, and it was what it was. That it’s your past and not your present-day, holding on to resentment will only hold you to your past.

When you learn to hold grudges no longer, you become a better person, and you allow yourself to move forward in your own life with self-respect and dignity.

No one person is better than another, yet you’re allowed to judge. I don’t mean to judge others in a negative way. I mean, recognise they are toxic, make the judgment call they are not the person you want in your life and walk the other way.

To gain happiness and success in your future, you need to take the steps in your present, to put your past where it belongs, and leave it behind you. The time is now at this moment to allow yourself the freedom, to allow yourself happiness, to forgive, and find yourself again.

You do not have to condone toxic people’s behaviour, but while you are letting your past keep you, hostage, you are the one that’s suffering, and they still have power and control over you. Now is the time to release them from your mind. And keep going until you do.

Day by day, it gets easier, you become stronger, you live happier, you create a happier life, moving on for you is the best thing you’ll ever do.

Coercive Controlling Behaviour.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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How To Leave?

Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People, Rule 4, Defend By Not Defending Yourself.

One of the best ways to defend yourself against a narcissist is by not defending yourself. When it comes to narcissistic people, they are not rational or reasonable people. However, they will happily draw you into non-productive arguments to force you into communicating with them in a way that they can make out that you’re the one that’s being irrational, you’re the one that’s being unreasonable, you’re being too sensitive, you’re hurting them, basically, because the narcissist didn’t get their own way, they want to twist responsibility away from themselves by projecting straight over to you, to make you feel bad, to make you question, doubt and blame yourself, to make you feel guilty, and one way they do this is by getting you to repeatedly defend yourself to them, there’s no wrong in defending yourself once. If they don’t want to see your perspective that is on them, it’s not up to you to Continue a conversation that they are either on able or unwilling to understand just because it’s not going their own way. Narcissists just going to keep drawing you back into the conversation to keep communication open with you to feel better about themselves, to get one over on you or to get their own way.

We are human, and it’s human nature to fall into the trap of wanting to explain our thoughts, our feelings, our opinions our reasons to justify ourselves. It’s human nature. However, when explaining our thoughts, feelings and opinions to narcissistic people, they’re going to twist it in a way that we end up feeling frustrated, irritated, ignored, angry and confused.

So why shouldn’t you defend yourself to narcissistic people? Narcissists have a remarkable ability to draw you into Non-productive arguments, productive for the narcissist as they’re going to frustrate you, they’re going to blame you they’re going to shame you, they’re going to guilt-trip you, they’re going to do all they can to get their own way with you, however for you it’s not going to be that mutual conversation where you can find understanding compromise it’s going to be a conversation where the narcissist either gets what they want, or you’re going to be left with lots of feelings. Emotions to process as the narcissist seeks to get one over on you.

When defending yourself to narcissistic people, if it’s not what they want to hear, if it’s not something they can use against you, they’re not listening to you. They’re only ever listening for to what they can use to further their advantage over you, to keep drawing you back into the conversation with them so the narcissist can find a way to punish you. The more you defend yourself to a narcissist, The more information you’re giving them to use against you, The more information you’re serving them on a plate to pick and choose what they would like to use against you, to hurt you.

You do not need to defend yourself to those unable or unwilling to listen to you.

Narcissistic people tend to seek excessive admiration. Narcissistic people can be some of the most self-entitled people you could ever meet, they are extremely envious of others, and they lack the empathy to care about how their behaviour hurts others. Therefore they believe that their needs should be met and their sense of entitlement should be met. Narcissists are more than willing to exploit people to get their needs met. They lack the empathy to care for how their exploitation of others affects others, as they seek admiration, so if a narcissist isn’t getting things their own way, they’re going to go all out to provoke you to keep that communication open with you so that they can feel a sense of importance within themselves if they’ve not got what they want from you, they’re going to go all out to get you going, to wind you up, frustrating you, to gain that reaction from you, to get you on your defensive mode, they’re going to become some of the most offensive people you could ever meet to get you to defend yourself to them, as soon as you defend yourself to them they’re going to keep you going and keep you going. So you snap, and then they’re going to stand back and say, what’s wrong with you? Are you having a bad day? You’re crazy. See, this is what I have to put up with. This makes themselves feel better about themselves not getting their own way. Narcissists aren’t interested in communication or compromise. They’re interested in control.

When communicating with a narcissist who is not getting their sense of entitlement met, we get drawn into discussions, debates, conversations arguments with them that we are completely unaware of. We get drawn into the conflict, the drama and the chaos. The narcissist is creating because the narcissist themselves is feeling bad that they didn’t get their own way. Then we are the ones that are feeling frustrated, guilty, irritated, confused and angry as we took part in the argument with them. You do not have to take part in every argument you’re invited to.

It’s very difficult to step away; however, recognising what they are doing and why they are doing it helps you to understand it and walk away from it. Narcissists want their own way, and if they’re not getting their own way, they’re going to provoke you into that non-productive conversation with them. If they’re still not getting their own way, they’re going to twist it any way they can to bring out the worst in you to bring out a side within you that you don’t like so they can feel better about themselves. You might find yourself apologising to them. They’re going to go out to make you feel like you’re the one that’s being awkward, stubborn, selfish, demanding, unreasonable and irrational, so the narcissist doesn’t have to deal with those feelings within themselves. Narcissists are projecting themselves over to you by getting you to defend yourself to them. Usually, because you’re not willing to do what they’re unreasonably expecting of you, you’re allowed your values, you’re allowed your beliefs, and you are allowed to create your boundaries. Narcissists don’t believe you’re entitled to those. They want to break those boundaries down for you. You’re allowed your feelings. You’re allowed your opinions. A narcissist wants to make you feel like you’re not allowed opinions, like you’re not allowed feelings or in some way your feelings or your opinions are wrong, so you question your thoughts, feelings, and opinions, and you stop questioning those of the narcissist.

Nothing you say or do you will ever change the mind of a narcissist. We can fall into the trap of explaining ourselves in so many different ways to them, picking the right time to choose to explain something to them where we feel will not get any retaliation from them; however, if it’s not going, the narcissists way they’re never going to be interested in what you have to say narcissists are only interested in getting you going until they can get their own way, you are literally wasting your breath trying to defend yourself to a narcissist they’ve usually set the conversation up to get you to defend yourself in a way that serves them. Narcissists only want to hear what they want to hear, and if they’re not hearing what they want, they’re going to go all out to provoke you in a way that gets a reaction from you that works in their favour. The reaction that they need from you to play that a reaction against you. The best way to deal with a narcissistic person is when they’re being incredibly offensive. When they are unjustly accusing you of things you haven’t done, The best way to defend yourself against these kinds of people is to not defend yourself against them, retreat and rethink the situation in its entirety. Why didn’t the narcissist get what is it that the narcissist is wanting from you? What insecurity has been triggered within that narcissist? You’re allowed to recognise insecurities been triggered. How about that’s on them to deal with, not you? It’s not up to you to point it out to them. It’s not up to you to make them feel better. That is on them. Whenever you’re defending yourself from a narcissist, you are moving yourself and the narcissist further away from the truth. The narcissist is removing themselves further away from blame, and the narcissist is removing themselves further away from taking responsibility for their behaviour.

You can explain once, and if they don’t want to listen to that explanation that is on them not you, don’t continue down the line of communication where you’re the one that’s the feeling confused, hurt, angry, frustrated

Retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so, such as in court cases and make sure your responses are ones that you would be happy with the Judge Reading and not an emotional reaction to the narcissist.

As people do have different perceptions, people do have different opinions. People have different values. People have different beliefs. Genuine people who may not see your point of view, you might not even be able to see their point of view. This is when we communicate with each other and explain ourselves to each other, try to understand each other to gain greater awareness which works great when two people are willing to do so. Narcissistic people are not interested in what you think. They’re interested in creating an environment to make you think in a way that works in their favour.

Narcissists are not interested in seeing other people’s points of view. They’re own interested in their own agenda.

One rule to deal with a narcissist is by defending yourself by not defending yourself to them by breaking up that communication so that they can no longer use your explanations against you. So they can’t provoke feelings and behaviours within you that are out of character for you.

Narcissists aren’t looking for closure, they’re looking to open up your wounds.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – A life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about the narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. Where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

CPTSD After A Narcissistic Relationship.

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder. It is a condition where you experience symptoms of PTSD, which are.

  • Nightmares.
  • Vivid flashbacks.
  • Intrusive thoughts.
  • Pain.
  • Nausea.
  • Sweating.
  • Intense distress.
  • Panic attack.
  • Easily distressed or upset.
  • Hyper-vigilance.
  • Irritability.
  • Sleep problems.
  • Self-destructive behaviour.
  • Hard to concentrate.
  • Other symptoms of anxiety.
  • Feeling like you have to stay busy.
  • Feeling numb.
  • Unable to express emotions.
  • Feeling like nowhere is safe,
  • Feeling like you can not trust anyone.
  • Overwhelming feelings of anger, guilt, shame, or sadness.

Then the with complex, you may also feel.

  • Extreme difficulty controlling your emotions.
  • Extreme fear and distrust in the world around you.
  • Feelings of emptiness and hopelessness.
  • Feeling like no one understands.
  • Blaming yourself for everything.
  • Avoiding people, avoiding friendships.
  • Feeling suicidal.

You might experience emotional flashbacks without even realising you’re having these. If an event, action or a feeling, from a phone ringing to someone saying a particular word, it might trigger that pain, sadness, guilt or anger from your past. You might react to present moments where you’re not in danger without realising you are having an emotional flashback.

What causes CPTSD.

  • Childhood trauma or abandonment.
  • Ongoing domestic violence. It could be verbal, physical or both
  • Ongoing domestic violence, mental abuse, gaslighting, silent treatment.
  • Sexual assault.
    Witnessing abuse.
    Being tortured, mental or physical.

You are most likely to suffer from complex PTSD.

  • If you experienced trauma throughout childhood.
  • If the trauma lasted over a prolonged period of time.
  • You were harmed physically, mentally, or both by someone close to you.
  • You couldn’t see a way out of the situation.

Self-care for CPTSD.

Get to know your triggers. Certain places, events, smells, sounds or people might trigger your emotions.

If you can write down what happened when you had an emotional outburst, the lead up to it, write down the past event that’s caused this reaction in the present.

Confide in someone.

It helps to tell someone what’s happened, especially those who’ve been through similar and understand you, and this helps you realise you’re not alone and release those thoughts running around your mind. Especially helpful to discuss with people who’ve also been through this.

Give yourself time.

Everyone’s trauma is unique to themselves, no matter how similar the story. Everyone’s recovery is unique, don’t speak about it until you’re ready to do so.

Look after yourself.

Exercise, even a walk outdoors, trying to get enough sleep, taking naps in the day if it helps you.

Talk therapy, it helps to discuss it all to move forward.

When you know you’re triggered and see it’s happening, try to have something to bring you back into the present moment. A photo, something to hold or rub, a picture to look at. Try to focus on the here and now. Tell yourself, “I am safe now.”

Listen to your change in energy levels. Listen to your change in mood, stop and focus on taking deep breaths in and out, on calming yourself.

Keep a diary on when you feel triggered.

Take some time out for yourself, especially if you’re feeling triggered, have a bath, curl up on the sofa, consciously bring positive thoughts into your mind, think about what you are grateful for.

Try new activities to fill your human needs in a positive way.

Reading, writing, painting, learning an instrument, etc., exercise. For growth and significance. If you join reading groups or a team sport etc., this also fills the need for contribution, and you’re contributing towards others. Love and contribution as your connecting to others, uncertainty is met as you are trying something new, as is certainly as it’s usually on set days at set times, creating new routines and breaking past the old routines. Joining support groups and offering positive opinions and support to others, always with good kind intentions, helps fill your need for contribution as well as helping those who you are helping, growth as you learn and understand new things about what’s happened in your past.

Grounding technique when you feel triggered, talk to yourself about what’s truly happening around you, whatever is happening or whatever your doing, focus in on it explains the steps you are taking at that moment to do what you are doing.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

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The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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