Signs Of A Covert Narcissists Passive-Aggressive Humor.

Narcissists enjoy getting one over on you while they hide their true intentions from you, so you can not work out what they’re doing to you.

There are a few reasons narcissistic people use the term “I’m only joking.” to hide their passive-aggressive behaviour, and some of these are.

1. Expressing their feelings while keeping them hidden.

A narcissists can delight in getting their feelings out of their system while causing you to feel similar emotions so that they can release themselves of feeling they don’t want. So when a narcissist feels criticism because they feel like you’re not giving them the attention they believe they’re entitled to, a narcissist will provoke feelings such as hurt or self-doubt within you. When you call them out, the narcissists will claim, “I’m only joking.” Or “you can’t take a joke.” “What’s wrong with you.” to pass their feelings over to you so they can feel better about themselves. While they’ve left you feeling how they felt initially, you’re then left questioning yourself as to whether they meant it or not. At the same time, the narcissist accuses you of “being too sensitive.” If you were to try and express or communicate your feelings with them because they didn’t want to express their true feelings with you.

Narcissists provoke emotional reactions to twist the story to shift the blame.

2. Envious of others.

When a narcissist is envious of another’s thoughts, they can mock them. Narcissists lack empathy to care for others feelings so they will invalidate them. A narcissist will invalidate anything they don’t agree with or anything they’re envious of. Your opinions, Job, hobbies, dreams, relationships, possessions, the car you drive, the places you go, where you live, it can be as severe as everything about who you are and what the narcissist is feeling resentful towards you having. Hence, they seek to punish you, to sabotage you or take away from you what they are envious of. If a narcissist is envious of your happiness, a narcissist will sabotage your happiness. If they’re envious of your friendships, they’ll make fun of these relationships at your expense. They seek to destroy them through triangulation and isolation. If you call them out, they might claim “they’re only messing. You’re overreacting.” To create that self-doubt within your mind. If a narcissist is envious of an idea, they’ll dismiss or make fun of you or your idea, then later down the line. They come up with it like it was their idea.

3. Anger and resentment.

When a narcissist feels criticism in some way, fears exposure or fears they’re not getting their own way, they can become angry and rageful, so they use hostile humour to hide their resentment while getting one over on the person the narcissist is angry at. They might tickle you too hard. Then when you let them know it hurts, they’ll accuse you of being “boring, grumpy, no fun.”

4. To make themselves feel superior.

Narcissists use passive-aggressive humour to make someone else feel inferior so the narcissist can regain control of their feelings of superiority.

Signs of a narcissists passive-aggressive humour.

1. The narcissist’s sarcasm.

Where a narcissist is looking to mock you, so if you tell them something they disagree with, a narcissist might parrot what you said straight back at you in a sarcastic tone. When you try to discuss something with the narcissist that they don’t want to take responsibility for, the narcissist might claim. “Stop taking everything so seriously. I was only messing. If you think I’m the one arguing, perhaps you should stop talking.” So the narcissist can shut down the conversation while leaving you doubting your very valid feelings to their hurtful behaviour, Or “there’s just no talking to some people.” As a narcissist doesn’t want to communicate with you, they want to talk at you while blaming you for not communicating with them, even though that’s what you’re trying to do communicate with them. If you disagree with them, then to a narcissist, you are wrong, and they are right.

2. The narcissist’s subtle insults.

The narcissists might use subtle insults such as. “At least your not overreacting this time.” So they’re not accusing you of overreacting, however, if you say. “So you think I’m overreacting.” A narcissist will shut this down with. “Did I say that? Now you’re just putting words I my mouth.” So they’ve indirectly insulted you, and when you call them out, they shift the blame over to you, sometimes we would be better responding with “what do you mean by that?” However, when a narcissist has no direct answer to work in their favour, they’ll go all out to further confuse, gaslighting and punish you.

3. The narcissist talking down to you.

A Narcissist might tell you, “calm down. It wasn’t that bad.” So they can downplay their actions while exaggerating your reactions. A narcissist can do this in a sarcastic tone or make out they’re trying to help and support you when they’re actually trying to manipulate you.

4. The narcissists “I’m only joking.”

When the narcissist is sarcastic, when they insult you, shame, blame, criticise, judge, belittle you, they’re not joking. They’re trying to manipulate you into thinking you can’t take a joke so that the narcissist can get away with insulting you, mocking you, being disrespectful towards you.

What can you do.

Recognise their passive-aggressive behaviour, when you have different perspectives, ideas or opinions when two people are willing to have the compassion to see it from the other person’s point of view, meet in the middle, agree to disagree, they respect each other for who each other are when one person is only willing to see it from their way and is willing to shame, blame, criticise, humiliate you, they are a narcissistic individual who is never wrong, and that behaviour is on them not you, recognising who they are and leave them to their reality. At the same time, you stay in your own reality. You’ll not be able to help them see your point of view when they’re hell-bent on destroying yours.

Learn your values and beliefs, then set your boundaries appropriately; if they’re unwilling to respect your boundaries, it’s a sign you need those boundaries.

Don’t take what they say personally, recognising it as their thoughts, feelings and opinions, not yours.

Excuse yourself from the conversation, walk away, leave them to be who they want to be while you go live a much more peaceful life without those who seek to humiliate you.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Why Are Narcissists So Negative? 10 Signs Of The Covert Narcissists Verbal Hostility.

The narcissist’s negative verbal abuse is the narcissist’s way of being defensive. By finding the negative so they can control the narrative, a narcissist wants to manipulate others through their tone of voice to what they speak of to control others.

The overt narcissist can openly show this more than a covert. However, an overt will still use covert ways, both can say “ you shouldn’t do that.” they might state what seems like valid reasons of why you shouldn’t, or they might guilt trip with those “if you go for that job who will look after the children? they need you.” or they might straight out tell you. “You’ll never see the kids. Do you think that’s fair?”

Why are narcissists so negative?

The narcissists envy. Misery likes company. When a narcissist isn’t happy ain’t no one going to be happy, when a narcissist is envious of another’s looks, career, family, home, car, the personality they seek to find the negative to pull the person down they are envious of to feel better about themselves, to create their feelings of superiority a narcissist will go all out to make others feel inferior.

The narcissist is not feeling in control. When a narcissist feels like they’re losing control, they seek to regain control by crushing another, beliefs, values, hobbies, an identity so the narcissist can feel better about their own.

The narcissist’s sabotage. To protect their ego, a narcissist will sabotage others so they can remain in control as well as stopping others from succeeding in something the narcissist doesn’t want them to, “what do you want to do that for.” to place self-doubt in those around them so the narcissist can remain in control.

To feel better about themselves, a narcissist seeks to talk badly of others, to invalidate others, to put others down, make others feel insecure, so the narcissist can feel better about who they are.

How narcissists create negativity.

1. The narcissist’s judgment. Narcissists can be extremely judgmental of others, making an excessive amount of opinions about others without any evidence, so they can see two neighbours talking. Because one waves their arms around the narcissist will call others over to look at their neighbours ‘arguing’ who are just having a regular conversation, but a narcissist wants to twist the narrative. Someone might purchase a new car, and the narcissist could say. “What would they want one of those for? Someone must have come into money. What a horrible colour.”

2. The narcissist’s gossip. Many people can fall into the gossip trap, especially when around those who love to gossip. A narcissist will happily start a rumour about someone they’re envious of then stand back and watch peoples reactions, they will discuss others personal matters that might not even be true, or they’ll threaten to disclose private information that you told the narcissist in the strictest of confidence to get you to do something you wouldn’t usually do, emotional blackmail.

3. The narcissist’s criticism. Narcissists can be extremely critical of others to make themselves feel worthy. A narcissist will happily invalidate another’s idea, then, later on, they’ll come up with the idea and claim it as their own. A Narcissist will pass judgement. They’ll be disapproving of another’s thoughts, feelings and opinions, finding fault in others abilities, hobbies, character, beliefs, values etc.

4. The narcissist’s smear campaign. The narcissist’s smear campaigns when they fear they’re losing control over you a narcissist will try to control how others see you, as a narcissist will also try to control how you see others, they will tell outright lies, half-truths, to call into question or to damage another’s reputation. Hence, people blame the innocent party who is being smeared and support the narcissist who is smearing others.

5. The Narcissist’s invalidation.

Invalidation happens to anyone who’s in any form of relationship with a narcissist, friends to family, partners to bosses.

Invalidation is when your thoughts, feelings, opinions, weight, shape, Job, hobbies, dreams, relationships, it can be as severe as everything about who you are and what you do is rejected, ignored, criticised and judged, by the narcissist.

Invalidation is another form of the narcissist’s manipulation to take control of us as we slowly fawn to their demands through their invalidation of us. Narcissists use invalidation to put us down, so we don’t achieve, and they can feel superior.

6. The narcissist’s projection. A narcissists projection is a mix of their manipulative Gaslighting and their manipulative Blame-shifting. As they go all out, distracting you from the truth, as they do their best to cover the truth with their distorted lies, as they hide the truth of their toxic, hurtful, negative behaviour from you. At the same time, they get you to doubt and blame yourself and take on the responsibility of the narcissist actions, they get you to defend yourself to them for how you think or feel due to their hurtful ways, so they escape accountability, so they remain in control, and so they get away with their actions time and time again, while slowly sinking you further under their trance.

7. The narcissist’s dismissiveness. A narcissist will dismiss your feelings, experience and, opinions, so you doubt yourself, and the narcissist feels validated that their feelings, experience, knowledge and opinions are better than yours,

8. A Narcissist will yell or talk over you. To silence you a narcissist will happily use their volume or tone of voice to place fear within you. With a narcissist, it’s a case of. They will speak over you, turn it onto something you did or did not do. When they can not argue against, they will complete twist everything around, and they have to have the last word. Even by using the silent treatment until you give in and chase them to apologise to them.

9. The narcissist’s intimidation. Narcissists intimidation is used to threaten or frighten those around them so that the narcissist can remain in control. Narcissists can intimidate in the obvious overt ways or those subtle, covert ways. Narcissists intimidate to persuade those around them into doing something they don’t want to do, believing in something that’s not true, fawning to the narcissist’s behaviour to avoid conflict or drama, appeasing the narcissist to avoid any arguments, to avoid pain.

The threats can be the double bind, where you receive mixed messages, where no matter what you choose, it’ll be a lose-lose for you and a win-win for the narcissist.

10. The narcissist’s mocking. A narcissist will Cruelly make fun of you or those around you. The narcissist can use a dismissive tone, a condescending attitude, a narcissist, can patronise you, where they are seemingly helping you but doing it in a manner where the narcissist feels superior, they can joke with others at your expense or set others up to joke at others expense.

What can you do? 

  • No contact is always the best approach if not limited contract and grey rock.
  • Remind yourself not to go for closure to those who enjoy opening up your wounds, to stop trying to point out the good to those who want to show you their bad.
  • Retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so, such as co-parenting, court orders.
  • State your points and leave them to it stand in your truth.
  • Don’t continue the conversation if they’re trying to bring you down, don’t go with them.
  • Don’t defend yourself to their negativity, gaslighting or projection. Remember what they say about you, what they say about those around you, those who don’t do as the narcissist says, says more about their character than it ever will yours.
  • Remember, they like playing underhand games that they set up to win. More often than not, a narcissist is playing games to anger you, frustrate you, punish you, control you, to get you going, and once they’ve got you going, they feel smug, they feel happy, they’ll take a step back and blame you, learn to step away from their games.
  • You do not win with the narcissist by playing their games the more you play, the more they think game on, the way you beat a narcissist is by stepping away from the narcissist and no longer giving them the attention or the feeding them the attention that they believe they’re entitled to.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

7 Narcissistic Covert Mind Games To Delay Events, The Narcissists Stalling.

A narcissist will delay things in order to keep your mind at bay. As a narcissist wants to prevent you from causing them any problems, a narcissist will try to control you by them delaying taking action on something they once promised to do for you, or a narcissist will avoid giving you an answer to a question giving the narcissist more time to gain an advantage over you.

Covert narcissism is when a narcissist will play many underhanded games to keep their intent hidden from you, they often do this in passive-aggressive ways where the narcissist will indirectly neglect or punish you so that the narcissist can maintain control over you, as one of the criteria for the narcissist personality disorder is envy, so a narcissist will seek to exploit you, another criteria, or they seek to sabotage you as a narcissist lacks the empathy to care for you.

Narcissists use many different passive-aggressive behaviours to avoid taking responsibility for their words or actions. A narcissist’s delay tactics are done to make life as difficult as possible for you often while the narcissist projects and claims, “why do you have to make everything so difficult.”. Hence, you question and doubt your intent and your motives and not that of the narcissists, who will be doing their best to smear your name in the process.

The Narcissists Procrastination.

Something those on the narcissist personality disorder can do and those not on the disorder can do. The difference often lays in the intent. Those going through difficult times often put off and avoid doing things, making choices that would help them. Therefore they sabotage themselves. A narcissist procrastination is often done while exploiting others to sabotage others. If they want to go somewhere, they’ll be up ready and out of the door, often moaning at you for holding them up, even if you’re ready before them. Yet when they agree to do something with you, they’ll lay in, ask you to look for something of theirs while you’re getting ready, start messing around, hiding things from you, gaslighting as they’ll be claiming you lost them, then as soon as they get you going, and you react to their childlike behaviour, a narcissist will then play the victim, all those “well if you don’t want me to go.” “wow, what put you in a mood.” “think I had better stay here.”

A narcissist will expect you to be on time for them. However, they’ll happily turn up late for you.

Narcissists procrastinate to purposefully delay, stall, postpone or avoid.

The narcissist’s forgetfulness.

We are human. We can all forget things, and when around a narcissist, all that stress can play with our mind and our memories, so we end up questioning and doubting ourselves all the more.

A narcissist will promise to do something you may or may not have asked. Either way, they’ll say they’ll do something, like grabbing something on their way home, only when they turn up without it. Instead of saying I’m sorry I forgot, they’ll claim. “I never said that.” or, “you said you would.” or those “it is your fault you didn’t remind me.” anything to avoid taking responsibility could be an important event that you’ve written on the calendar and mentioned many times. Yet, they’ll claim you never told them, and they’ll have something else to do.

A narcissist will give you just enough hope to hang onto absolutely nothing.

The narcissist taking twice as long.

A narcissist will put off till tomorrow what they said they would do today, especially if they feel like they’re not getting their own way, tasks never started or completed yet if you dare ask them they’ll twist it all around onto you, a narcissist will be the hero or they’ll play the victim, they’ll never take responsibility or admit fault.

The narcissists stonewalling.

This is another narcissistic defence mechanism when they’ll stall answering a question by asking you a question to get you to explain yourself to them, so the narcissist doesn’t have to explain themselves to you.

They might outright refuse to answer a question, completely change the subject, start to gossip about someone else or fall silent on you.

The narcissist will refuse to compromise. It has to be their way, and they’ll play many games to force your hand or bait you into a battle of psychological warfare, and as you want peace, they make it extremely difficult for you to create and stick to your boundaries. Narcissists create games for them to win, so as soon as you say or do one thing, you’ve walked straight into a trap of their next game.

Narcissists refuse to listen if your opinion doesn’t match theirs. A narcissist isn’t interested. If you need to discuss plans that are not all about the narcissist, they’ll not be interested when it comes to narcissistic people. It’s all me myself and I.

The narcissists withholding.

A narcissist exploits, a narcissist will promise marriage to delay the wedding, then use your imagination to create the future event of a wedding to future fake with you, to get their needs met in the present, either to distract you from how painful it is in the present or to get their needs met, if you’re unlucky enough to end up married to one, the narcissist will withhold as much information in the divorce as possible, to delay the divorce so the narcissist can keep control over you.

Narcissists shower you with attention when they want something from you, to neglect you when they seek to punish you.

Narcissists withhold financial support for their own children as a form of control and because the narcissists feel entitled to do so, often scapegoating the innocent parent, smearing the innocent parent’s name so the narcissist can avoid taking responsibility for their own hurtful and destructive actions.

The narcissists broken promises.

A narcissist will promise you things in the future to get their needs met in the present. However, they often claim they want it too. Then once their needs are met, they fail to deliver, and when you ask, it’s all those excuses to justify their letdowns.

The narcissist’s excuses.

A narcissist will always be looking for ways to justify and excuse their behaviour, so they’re not held accountable, “I would have, but you didn’t.” or those “you misunderstood me, and as a narcissist isn’t willing to listen to you, you often find yourself reminding them of things they forgot, while they claim “you never told me.” as the narcissist turns into the victim with those “I’m always the last to know, nobody tells me anything.” then you end up feeling like the narcissistic one as you say “I told you last week, I wrote it on this calendar, how can you not remember.” a narcissist is always looking to twist so they don’t have to take responsibility while they find another to blame so the narcissist can remain in control while gaining the attention they believe they’re entitled to.

How to handle?

Stop playing. They have every right to live their life, and you have every right to live yours.

Distance yourself from them, no contact if possible, if not emotionally distance, limited contact and grey rock.

Know your intent so well the narcissist can not twist your thoughts or feelings.

Don’t engage in communication where the narcissist is putting you on the defensive as then they have you right where they want you don’t defend yourself to them, recognise their delay tactics and walk away. A narcissist is looking to delay to keep you at bay. If they want to keep delaying things walk away.

Don’t take it personally. How they treat others says everything about their sense of entitlement, their exploitative behaviour, their lack of empathy and nothing about you.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Lies Narcissists Need You To Believe.

You can trust a narcissist to always lie to you.

What Narcissists say and what they actually mean are often two very different things. Their actions rarely match their words. Their words rarely match their words. However, they always seem to find the right words to justify their hurtful behaviour and gaslight us into believing their lies over our reality.

The phrase narcissists tell to exploit people are common phrases that many non-narcissists say. However, the intent behind the narcissists are often hidden in those words and what they truly mean is something very different,

When narcissists say. “ I love you.”

Love has various meanings. For most, it’s a solid emotional bond, a strong attachment or attraction, unselfish kindness, compassion, loyalty, being respectful of another, being vulnerable around another, caring and looking after each other, an intense feeling of connection. An acceptance of another, unconditional love.

When it comes to a narcissist, it’s conditional love. They lack the empathy to care, so their love is more envious. They are interested in something we have and use love to exploit us to meet a need of their own. Narcissists feel they are entitled and have a strong desire to take what they want when they want it.

They are just using their version of the word love to control us. They don’t love us. Not in the same way we love them. Where were are passionate about them, they a passionate about something we have. Narcissists love that our love means we make our life all about making it work with them. They love how we shower them with attention, make them feel special, solve their issues, relieve their pain, fix their problems, put a roof over their head, make them feel better about themselves. They love how we take time for them and not ourselves, how we make their happiness our responsibility, often through the narcissists gaslighting. Narcissistic people love how we provide for them. They love how they can devalue us, make us feel their shame, watching us feel unworthy and insignificant to try harder to please them. When a narcissist says I love you, based on the traits of their disorder and the meaning behind those traits they mean, they love how we live by and respect their rules. They love what we do to please them or what we provide for them, emotionally and materialistic. They do not love us for who we are. With a narcissist, there are always conditions attached to their love. People have to earn their love through doing as a narcissist says. Narcissists lack the empathy and object consistency to love us for us. For who we are as a person, it’s all about what you do for them.

Remember those who love you would not continue to hurt you and let you down when you love someone you don’t want to cause or see them in pain, only allow those to treat you in the same way you treat others, find a safe way to walk away from those who continue to let you down. Practice loving yourself for who you are. Own your insecurities we all have them. They are nothing to be ashamed of when we acknowledge ourselves for who we are. Others can not use our insecurities against us. When someone tries to blame and shame you for their behaviour, time and time again, they don’t care for you.

When narcissists say, “It’s not all about you.”

Narcissists mean. You need to make it all about them. Don’t do what you want to do, do what they think you should do, don’t pay attention to your wants, needs, passions, dreams, hobbies, goals, desires, give all those up and shower the narcissist with attention. Narcissists believe they are entitled to have everything their own way. They require excessive admiration. They believe they should be in full control of their life and yours. They don’t see life doesn’t work this way. They believe they are special and deserving of all the attention. They can not handle you being the centre of attention. They get envious of others success and wish to invalidate others achievements to make themselves feel better. If you ever mention your needs that they don’t care for, they’ll make you feel guilty and ashamed of having these needs. Narcissists mean I’m the only important one, and you’ve got to learn that your needs and who you are as a person do not matter. They mean “it’s all about me.”

Remember, It is about you. It’s about others too. If you are not happy about something, you have every right to change it. It’s your life; you don’t need to hurt people by walking away from those who hurt you. You’ve most likely tried all you can to help them and have been left a shell of your former self. Now is the time to take care of yourself before you take care of others. This is not to hurt others. This is to be at your best for those who deserve you. Kind, caring people do exist. Those who continue to treat you with disrespect they don’t deserve your respect, your time and attention, so respect them for who they are and safely walk the other way to them. The oxygen mask on the plane, you should always put it on yourself, so you’re at your best to help others. Narcissists put in on themselves and run off with everybody else just in case they run out.

When Narcissists say. “I’d never hurt you.”

Most people wouldn’t just come out and say this, those who do it would be sincere, and they wouldn’t hurt you. Narcissists often use this one, then repeatedly hurt you, They’re not going to hurt you while they idealise and love bomb you to get their needs met, or they’ll try to make sure you don’t find anything out. They lie through omission. A Narcissist will hurt you then say, “I’ll never hurt you again.” As they then go on to hurt you again, the more you forgive a narcissist, the worse their mistreatment of you gets.

While you take care of them, while you shower them with attention, everything seems alright. However, it’s not OK. Behind the scenes, a narcissist intent is very different. When they say they’ll never hurt you, they mean, while you meet their needs, all will be well. However, it’s always catch 22 with a narcissist and what met their needs one day will not the next. You can never win with a narcissist. When you stand up for who you are, most will go all out to devalue you until you do as they say again.

Narcissists often play a game with one hand that you can see, to keep you confused, to distract you from the game they’re playing with the other hand that they don’t want you to see.

Remember, only you define you, and as hard as it can be to see when someone is hurting you so much, gaslighting you so much. However, you are in control of your reality, emotions, so finding the methods that work for you, those who continue to hurt you, are not for you.

When the narcissist says,”You made me do it.”

Narcissistic people mean it’s your fault for whatever went wrong in their life, it’s your fault for whatever went wrong in your life, that they themselves are perfect and do no wrong, if they hurt you, to a narcissist who lacks empathy, you made them do it.

If people are unable or unwilling to see the pain they caused others, they don’t care for the hurt they caused. Yes, people can manipulate people into doing things; honest people would hold themselves accountable even when it’s not their fault. Dishonest people hold others responsible and never themselves.

When a narcissist says, ”After all I’ve done for you?”

Narcissistic people mean you need to do something for them. We often feel gratitude when others do things for us, narcissistic people use this against us to guilt-trip us into ignoring our own needs or feeling selfish and rude if we don’t do something in return for them.

Often if we step away from the situation, we see they’ve actually done very little. Even when they have done, if you yourself don’t go around doing for others expecting in return, then if someone has done for you, you don’t owe them anything, yes in life relationships are give and take, in a job we give out our time to earn money to pay the bills, mutual understanding at the start, In a relationship narcissists lead us into a false sense of security that they want the same things we do, to further down the road exploit and use those very things against us, narcissistic people are only will to give in order to receive, where you often give in order to be kind and help others feel good.

When a narcissist claims,” I don’t want to argue with you.”

Narcissistic people either want to avoid the subject entirely, so you can not come to any form of understanding, compromise or outcome about the things that need discussing, they might want to divert attention away from something they’ve done with the subtle, covert threat of I don’t want to argue as we might have witnessed their rage in the past, so when they say this, we feel unable to express ourselves, walking on eggshells to please them. If we continue, they turn it into an argument to avoid the original topic of conversation, then blame us for the argument.

Remember, if someone is unwilling to communicate with you as you would them, they’re not someone you want to communicate or explain yourself to.

When narcissists say. “You are so jealous and insecure.”

Narcissists often bait those around them into feeling jealous in order to triangulate, gain attention, get people to work harder to please them. They enjoy seeing you compete for their attention when they flirt with others. That makes them powerful and wanted. They do all they can to make us feel unworthy. We know they’re flirting. They’ll do their best to manipulate us into thinking it’s not really them that we imagine it. That we can never do anything right, and they’ve got us doubting our feelings and not their actions or words.

Remember, you don’t deserve someone who lets you down, are never indeed there for you, and who continues to hurt you. You deserve someone who you trust, who is honest, open, caring and kind like you.

When narcissists claim, “You have trust issues.”

A Narcissist would never admit it to you, narcissists are very untrustworthy people, as they need to exploit others to meet a need of their own, even though they have possibly shown us many times by betraying us, in various forms, lying, cheating, saying they’ll do one thing and doing another. They love the power and control they have over us with their words, making us doubt ourselves and question our own reality and sanity, living to work harder to please them, doubting our own instincts. When you need to trust your instincts and know a narcissist will deny anything, even with facts and evidence against them.

Remember, your instincts are telling you the truth; you will have trust issues around those who have lying issues.

When narcissists say, “ you’re overthinking or overreacting”

You have perfectly normal thoughts about their behaviour and normal reactions to their countless lies. The narcissist doesn’t want you to wake up and smell the coffee; they don’t want to be held responsible as to a narcissist. Nothing is ever their fault. They don’t want to be seen for who they indeed are. They want to make us doubt ourselves in every way, and they’ll do all they can to make us feel like the bad guy and make us feel guilty for things they’ve done to us, so we work harder to please them, we trust their words and not own thoughts and feelings. They reap all the benefits while you work so hard to make it up to them and please them forever, doubting them while slowly losing who we are.

Remember, you were given a mind to think for yourself and how you want to believe. If something bothers you, internally process it and take action to change it, so it no longer bothers you, even if that means walking away from those who continue to let you down and walk away from you when you needed them the most.

When narcissists claim. “That never happened.”

With a narcissist, it most likely did. Genu people can say this to a narcissist who’s lying to smear our name. Narcissists say this as they don’t want people knowing the truth about them, narcissists don’t want others thinking wrongly of them, they don’t want people to see what’s truly happening, they want us and those around them to live by their rules.

Remember your truths, no matter what others say. If you know it happened, then it happened. If you’re still around them, keep a written diary until your mind sees clearly that their actions don’t match their words.

When narcissists say, “You don’t have anyone other than me.” Or “No one will love you.”

They often mean this because they’ve usually removed anyone important to you in your life. They either divide and conquer to isolate you or cause so much stress we end up isolating ourselves. So the narcissist can be in control, the only one who has power over your life now. Of course, people love you, but narcissist doesn’t want you to wake up and realise that. They want control over you, and they want you doing as they please to earn their love.”

Remember, you are worthy, and you are loveable. That love and happiness start from within. You need to detach yourself from negative, toxic people who bring you down, so you can discover what you enjoy in life, what you love about you, the right people will be there for you and love you for who you are.

When narcissists claim, “ you’re too sensitive.”

They enjoy getting people to question their emotions and not narcissist’s actions. The narcissist makes people feel worse, which makes them feel better, they love the power you give to them, and they enjoy taking advantage of our kindness and hearing us explain our intentions to them while they take us off-topic, twist our words and watch us lose who we are. Narcissists get a weird kick out of how they make us feel horrible when they mention something they did to hurt us, yet they will have turned it all around to be our fault somehow. They often show a smirk on their face as they watch the pain, sadness and disappointment on your face.

Remember you are you, and no one defines you, sensitive or not. That’s who you are, and being sensitive means you have feelings for yourself and others, and good people will respect those feeling.

When narcissists say, “ I’m sorry you feel that way.”

A narcissist isn’t sorry for how they made you feel. They don’t have the emotional empathy to care for how you feel. They are just saying this so they can continue with their abusive behaviour while escaping taking any form of responsibility for the things they do. Narcissists are only ever sorry that they got caught, they feel no need to apologise , but they will say,” I’m sorry you.” meaning they are not sorry for what they did. They are feeling sorry for themselves that they are being made to apologise for things they believe they are entitled to do. They will always turn it onto you. They don’t care for others emotions or how others feel. They only care about what they can get from people.

Remember, if someone continues to hurt you, and they don’t change their hurtful behaviour towards you, they don’t care for you. This is just further manipulation.

Why their lies seem so believable.

Narcissists create reasonable doubt within us, and we have the burden of proof, what they say sounds fair, it could be true, there could be grounds for some truth behind their gaslighting statement, so we don’t recognise they are indeed gaslighting us, we feel uncertain of our emotions, judgment, perception or intentions as they’re gaslighting us to confuse us, yet what they say sounds reasonable, often we have no proof, we feel the burden, a responsibility to trust them, a heavy heart, a feeling like we have duty to trust them, as we often don’t have evidence to support our argument and when we do, they gaslight us with reasonable doubt, into questioning our instincts, our memories, our reality and not their behaviour.

Gaslighting is psychological manipulation where the narcissist uses many manipulation tactics to distract us from the truth so they can further their manipulation and exploit those around them to get their needs met.

Narcissists tell countless lies to cover their own tracks. In their mission to be perfect, they often forget the tails they’ve spun when we call them out on something they promised yet failed to deliver. It’s a case of ” I’ve never said that.” they did. They just don’t want you remembering they did, or they believe their own lies so much they become even more convincing in telling them to others. Narcissists will often divide and conquer to isolate you from support, so you only have them for the reality checks, even if they haven’t isolated you, not wanting to open up to others from those feelings of shame that the narcissist’s devaluation has placed within your conscious mind, fear of judgment, or not being understood, added words from the narcissist of ”Who would believe you.” and enablers saying ”I’m sure they didn’t mean it.” or ”you know what they’re like.” ”I’m sure it not that bad.” then, with the added obvious or subtle threats a narcissist throws in, it’s a terrifying, confusing place to live and a difficult place to escape from. With reactive abuse, when the narcissist baits us into such a confused emotional state, we might fight back, then the narcissist acts all calm and asks,” are you ok.” or accuses you of going crazy, all lies to keep us further confused. Reactive abuse can make us fear speaking out, as we often blame ourselves as we understand our behaviour was wrong, and this can end up making you feel like you’re the narcissist. If you have empathy for other people, you are not.

Remember if someone lacks in genuine empathy towards you if they act entitled if they exploit others, if they have a repeat pattern of toxic behaviour, no matter what they tell you, they only seek to harm you if they are physically abusive of you or not if they try to control your life you need to remove yourself from their life safely.

People on the narcissist personality disorder spectrum believe they are special, preoccupied with creating their ideal at the expense of others, arrogant enough to think they’re always right, entitled, self-centred hypocrites, they expect. Many demand others to give them everything they want. While doing the bare minimum in return, they are hard to spot in society. They covertly, meaning hidden, go around hurting others, then covering their tracks as they are the masters of manipulation. They are masters of words and lies. Narcissists use lies and manipulation so well that even when their actions don’t match their words. We often doubt ourselves and not them. Many a narcissist could possibly pass a lie director test, as they rewrite history to escape accountability. With little to no cognitive reflection skills for their lies, over time, their lies become their truths, while those around them who think empathetically and have emotional empathy end up extremely disorientated and drained, trying to look for the good in those who continue to show them their worst, primarily due to the narcissists gaslighting words.

Narcissists Lies are incredibly effective. Most healthy people tend to try not to lie in the first place. When they do, the guilt they feel will often make them admit to it, apologies for it, learn from it and not do it again, so when a narcissist lies and continues to do so, often with the lies that you wouldn’t even think was a lie like “I love you.” And the more they repeat this, the more we believe this even when their actions don’t match their words, often as most narcissists, be it a boss, a parent, a friend, whoever they are in your life will idealise you at some point, or they will offer intermittent plays of idealisation, they’re not cold towards you all of the time, so when they say “I love you.” we believe that they do. Then when narcissists do hurtful things towards you, and you start to wake up from the lies. Your instincts are screaming at you, they come back at you with the play nice, and the more your mind finds it easier and less painful to believe their continued lies, excuses and them blaming and shaming us than recognises the painful truth, not realising as we’re being gaslighted away from our truth to live in the narcissist’s pain.

The blame-shifting, so we question ourselves,” If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” and their future faking to give us hope, their ”what about .” so when they bring up the past, we feel rude for bringing up the present, and those guild trips, ” after all I’ve done for you.” when often if we stand back and think clearly they do very little other than hurt us. As they continue to blame and shame us for their toxic behaviour so we can not catch our thoughts, then they will tell us what to do right when we get it right, they’ll deliver some promises, or claim we did something wrong for them not to deliver, or promise something in the future to distract the pain of the present. To keep us living in hope while they blame our pain that they caused on us.

When in or coming out of a relationship with a narcissist, we can doubt everything around us and everyone. We can feel judged, silly and stupid. You’re scared to tell people in case we sound crazy. You are not crazy, now is the time to rebuild yourself and cut negativity out of your life. You are not silly, crazy or stupid just because one person manipulated you. You just love. You are kind. You can always change things for yourself. You can move on. You may have anxiety about, and you can heal your anxiety also. You may have CPTSD. You can overcome this.

This is all normal, after this kind of relationship. You are not alone in how you feel. People out there do understand and have been through similar, learning to trust yourself again, and listen to your very normal and reasonable feelings, remember who you once were, or who you’d like to become. You might have had your subconscious thinking and mindset retrained. Now you need to work on you to retrain your mindset for you, change negative thoughts to positive thoughts, trust who you are, know everyone’s allowed an opinion if you disagree, move on no harm done, you can work on yourself, some can recover with self-taught research, others with support groups, therapists and EMDR treatment, it’s finding the right coping strategies for you, then using them to work for you. The best relationship you can have is one with yourself. So work on yourself today, tell yourself you can do this, and you so will. Love you for you.

Life isn’t always easy when we go easy on people that make our life hard; life becomes hard; when we work on ourselves, life becomes easy.

You can, and you will.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

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