When the narcissist can no longer control you, they want to control how others see you.
The narcissists smear campaign is when the narcissist wants to get others to question your behaviour or reputation, where they want to distract others from the truth of the very things the narcissist is doing or has done, by the narcissist playing the victim, so the narcissist can gain enablers and flying monkeys to support the narcissist in their attacks against you, as the narcissist sees you as a threat, they feel envious of you, criticised by you, or fear you might expose the narcissist for who they indeed are. Therefore the narcissist embarks on a mass smear campaign, often without you knowing, so they can isolate you from support. At the same time, they gain unwitting enablers to support the narcissist in destroying you.
The narcissists smear campaign is an intentional campaign to undermine someone’s reputation, credibility, state of mind, character. The narcissist lies to mislead people into feeling sorry for, supporting, enabling and helping the narcissist destroy those the narcissist can no longer control.
The narcissist will tell half-truths, twisted stories, exaggerated stories. They will lie, spread rumours often to those who will gossip more. They will slander peoples names.
The smear campaign is done to divert attention away from what the narcissist has done, to point the finger at someone the narcissist can no longer control, to destroy the other person, while the narcissist escapes consequences for their actions.
The smear campaign is the narcissist self-defence, it’s their protection.
Types of a smear campaign.
1. Telling others what they did to you, only they’ll claim you did it to them. A narcissist might be telling grand tails to others about what the narcissist did to you. Only they’ll be claiming you did it to them, to kill two birds with one stone, they gain sympathy, support and attention, while escaping any form of accountability, while they destroy you for not doing as they wanted you to do.
2. Claim you lied, stole, cheated.
3. Claim you’re jealous and obsessed with them.
4. When you speak out for yourself, stand up against the smear campaign, the narcissist will claim you’re doing what the narcissist is actually doing to deflect attention away from what the narcissist is actually doing.
5. Claim you’re crazy or depressed. They might claim you are depressed, an addict, and they will have gone all out to drive you to the depths of despair, so the stories they tell others match how you appear, they just miss out the part they played. If you speak out, the narcissist will claim you’re obsessed with more lies such as you’re bitter, you’re jealous. As the narcissist has often moved in with someone new as nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist that needs a place to stay, people often don’t look at the bigger picture and believe the narcissists lies, they don’t see that the narcissists are after revenge, and your after justice and peace, the narcissist flips the script so they can better exploit those around them.
6. Claim you have issues, often the narcissist’s real problems, addictions, gambling, sex, drinking, spending etc.
They will happily twist the story, and their story will be their truth, they will claim you cheated on them, you lied to them, you hurt them, you abused them, you stole from them, you never helped them, you don’t give them any love or affection, how they’ve tried time and time again to keep the family together. As they believe they are special and they require excessive attention, even when you’re walking on eggshells doing all you can for them, it’s never enough. As they want power and success and they want to be in control, if they feel they are losing control of you, they will go all out to blame you, as they lack in cognitive reflection skills, their lies often become their truths.
Narcissists do all they can to create the drama, conflict or chaos, to bait you into defending, explaining or justifying yourself, so they can use those very explanations, twist them into reactions, point the finger, blame you and evade taking any form of responsibility for the things they actually do.
What can you do?
1. Go no contact, block and delete the narcissist, their enables and their flying monkeys.
2. If no contact isn’t an option, limited communication and grey rock.
3. Ignore the narcissist, you’re playing the narcissists game, and they know exactly what they’ve told others, exactly what button to push to get you to react in a way that matches the narcissists lies, step away from their games, not easy, takes practice, it is worth it, the gossips go away a lot faster when you’re giving nothing.
4. Do all you can to work on you, keeping yourself busy on self-improvement, keeping your mind occupied on creating your life.
5. Document, document, document, try to keep everything, you never know when you might need facts and evidence.
Always store screenshots in a safe place, you never know when exhibit A will come in handy.
6. Those who come to gossip, leave then to it, they’re not in it to help you, they’re in it to talk about you.
7. Not sure who’s feeding the narcissist information about you, tell those you suspect a different story about yourself and see which one the narcissist finds out about.
8. Get help and support from trusted people, take advice that resonates with you, leave that, that doesn’t.
9. Learn what your emotions are telling you and how to handle your emotions, if needed seek the right therapist or treatment that suit you, remember you’re paying them to help you if they’re not helping doesn’t mean their method is wrong, just means it’s not right for you, go find what helps you.
Remember you can not control what others think of you that doesn’t matter, you can learn to control what you think of you, as you have to live with you.
With good intentions, there’s no wrong way or right way to live your life, only your way.
Stay strong. You’ve already survived things you never thought you could you’ll survive this too.
The narcissists smear campaign.
How narcissists bait you into the smear campaign.
Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.