The injured narcissist.
An injury is a physical trauma to the body with an external force, it can also be actions or words that trigger emotional trauma, and psychological trauma, emotional or psychological trauma can be just as painful as physical as it hits those same pain pathways within our brains.
What is a narcissistic injury?
This is often when you’ll witness a narcissist react negatively when for seemingly no reason or in an everyday conversation, asking them a simple question, the narcissist will suddenly rage. They can go from sunshine and roses to hurricane category seven without warning in milliseconds, often leaving us feeling scared, confused, bewildered, wondering what on earth has just happened.
Why do narcissists rage?
- Real or perceived judgment or criticism.
- You’ve set a boundary. You said no, the narcissist didn’t get their own way.
- You attempted to hold them accountable for their actions.
- You tried to talk about something they want to ignore
- Indifference, you showed a lack of interest with their subject.
- A difference of opinion.
- Not giving them the attention they believe they’re entitled to.
- Their need for grandiosity and entitlement.
When a narcissist feels threatened in some way, they feel a need to abuse others.
For a real or perceived threat the narcissist might.
- Lash out.
- Silent treatments
- Invalidate you.
- Intimidate you.
- Shame you.
- Humiliate you.
- Lie to you.
- Provoke you.
- Gaslight you.
- Triangulate you.
Then a narcissist receives a narcissistic injury that they themselves might not recognise, they feel pain, or shame, to remove those feelings within themselves they’re going to lash out and project onto others. They feel a need to pull others down to lessen the blow within themselves, to raise themselves back up, they hurt others as they believe others hurt them, they are full of anger and resentment for things you haven’t even done to them, however, instead of working through these issues, they blame others for their problems.
Their reactions can be intense, as the narcissist tries to regain control over you and the situation, often without resolving the situation and making matters worse. However, they’ll just blame others for making the situation worse, not themselves.
Their anger, their rage, their manipulation is a defence mechanism, and it’s used to exploit others to get their own needs met.
Abuse is abuse there is no excuse, as the narcissist is either unwilling or unable to work on their issues, they cause problems for those around them, then blame those around them, as they feel entitled to exploit others and lack empathy to care.
What can you do?
Never intentionally seek revenge or seek to hurt a narcissist no matter what they’ve done to you, they lack empathy. If they receive a narcissistic injury to them, it’s game on to bring you done. There’s no low they won’t go as they don’t see themselves as the problem they just blame others for rationalising and justifying their irrational and unjustified behaviour.
Don’t engage, the more we play their games, the more they believe they’re correct, the more they believe their behaviour works for them, the more we justify, argue, defend or explain ourselves to them, the more they think we are wrong and the worse their behaviour gets.
Whether the narcissist knows we are right or not, they lack the empathy to care, and they want to destroy us to feel better about themselves.
No contact is always best, if that’s not an option, limited contact, grey rock and no reaction.
The injured narcissist.
Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.