Revenge And Karma On The Narcissist.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse By, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Most people scorned by a narcissist, male or Female, your partner, parent, boss or friend, once we’ve realised we’ve been conned, juped, taken advantage of, and worse that narcissist who once claimed to love is so much, doesn’t actually care, we want to see karma hit them, and would like to give karma a helping hand.

So how do we defeat or take revenge on a narcissist, because we’ve been left, angry, hurt and confused? These are all normal emotions many experiences after going through trauma with a narcissist.

First, we need to work through these feelings and process them to heal. These are normal feelings, wanting revenge is a normal reaction, seeing karma hit them and raising a smile, is a normal human reaction.

If they discarded you, or you have to see them because you’ve got children with them. It’s hard, it gets easier, and you will get to the point where you are just simply no longer interested in them.

If your parents cut you off, or you had to walk away, and they’re busy smearing your name.

If your boss fired you, or you finally had the courage to walk away, and they’re giving you bad reference after bad reference, making sure no-one employs you, keep applying you will find that job.

If the narcissist leaves you, they will most often have someone waiting, and they jump straight into a new relationship, no one falls in love faster than a narcissist needing somewhere to live. So you might be looking for revenge, the new person is no better than you, they are just a person like you, most often sadly the narcissist is only using them to cover up their own insecurities, just how they used you. They will one day, unfortunately, get treated just how you did. Sometimes although you’ll not see it in those first few days, weeks, or months, if you take a step back, observe the whole situation in its entirety, especially when you’re moving onwards and upwards within your own life, believe it or not, you’ll be grateful they left, you may even be thankful to their new partner for taking them off your hands, giving you a new lease of life, you might even go through a phase of pity towards the narcissist, the more you learn why they are the way they are, you might then feel sorry for the new partner and everything they’re about to go through, knowing all too well how special and loved they feel right now, and how they are not loved they’re just being used like you were, then they’ll slowly get destroyed, and the new partner will have to go through the whole journey you have. You might even want to reach out and warn them, and I wouldn’t recommend this, what would you have done if the narcissists crazy ex-had reached out to you, during the idolisation stage? You will get to a point, where you are no longer thinking about them all the time, and if they pop into your mind, you will swiftly remember how great your life is now, remove that thought and get on with your day, use pattern interrupt, it is a skill that takes time to learn, if they are still running around your mind, once you do learn, it will become second nature until you get to the point, you no longer think about them.

If you’ve been with them a long time, if you have children with them and they discard you for someone new, it is heartbreaking enough, without all the other stuff they’ve done to you.

You have to go through the process of grieving, talk to someone close, if you have someone, write it all down, join support groups, whatever works for you. Once you’ve let it all out and grieved correctly, you’ll no longer need to revisit it, when you do your feelings will be different to how they are now, educate yourself of everything you’ve been through.

It truly will get easier if you work on it.

The narcissist wants attention from you, negative or positive.

The best revenge as hard as it is to start with, and perhaps not what you want to hear is. Move forward with your life and leave them on the past, the traits of their disorder is they feel superior, and they feel entitled, they thrive off attention any attention, and sometimes they can use our reactions to their behaviour against us to help with their smear campaigns. They are arrogant and dominate and want control. They are also extremely envious of others, a thing a narcissist fears most is being insignificant, not being in control, not getting attention and people doing well without them. When we move on with our own lives like they never even existed, when we work through all the emotions and look through it as an outsider, realise it was only our pride talking, and they’ve actually done us a big favour moving on so fast, as a narcissist will never truly love or care for us when we clearly see reality again, we became thankful that you’re out.

Moving on with our life, leaving them in the past where they belong, while we focus on our future, renders them insignificant to us, and that’s the best revenge, by keeping our karma intact, not doing anything that would hurt someone else, not doing something that would make us feel regret or guilt and have more emotions to overcome, use the pain they leave you with as your driving force to a happier more successful future without them.

To beat someone at their game, you have to get down to their level, you’re not a bad person, it is normal to have feelings of wanting hurt someone, who used and abused you, but you’ll never be on their level, you’re far better than they’ll ever be.

What you feel is valid and normal. They fed you a dream and sold you a nightmare.

When people can treat you how a narcissistic person does, it leaves most extremely hurt and confused.

I’m so thankful and grateful that I’m out, it’s a tough journey to go through, but I wouldn’t be who I am now, I wouldn’t have met some of the most amazing incredible people that I’ve met, I wouldn’t be able to help those who need the help, I wouldn’t have the lessons to move me forward into being a better person, I wouldn’t be teaching my children the things I am now. I wouldn’t be as positive as I am now.

It’s not easy, in fact, I’ve had plenty of really low moments, bringing old memories up, seeing them for who they indeed are, the radical realisation of the part I played in their games.

It’s what made me who I am today, and I’m far from perfect, I make mistakes, I don’t destroy people though, I can experience, pain, joy and happiness, I can get through hard times, I can survive, and so can you.

No matter where you are on your journey of rediscovery, believe in you, congratulate yourself, and If you are at the start get the help and support you need if you are in the middle keep going, you’ve got this. If you have recovered, great job because it’s tough-going at times, but you can show others that, they’re not alone, and better things will come.

So just cut off the narcissists supply, they want attention, they want information, they want your reactions, negative or positive, just don’t give them any, stop focusing on them and their games and bring your focus back on you and creating your new life now.

If you can not do no contact, then you must set boundaries, don’t tell them anything about your new life, learn to manage your emotions around them, so when they say stuff to hurt you, you can actually stand in front of them and in your head, you’ll be thinking. “ have they seriously just said that.” Or” they actually believe that.” And the “ who are they and what on earth did I ever see in this person?” Once you learn reality again, you’ll actually no longer find them attractive, and real beauty comes from within. I actually look at my ex now with not only, what did I ever see in you, but your not even attractive. When someone has an ugly soul and an ugly heart, that can not be helped, it is a real eye-opener, to how incredibly lucky we are, that you can hurt, you can heal, and you can love.

Observe don’t absorb, when you practice this you, see the bully for who they indeed are. Leaving them behind, no longer shocked or offended when they try to break down your boundaries, no longer fear to say no, no longer feeling the need to defend yourself to them.

The best and only way to get revenge on a narcissist is no reaction, go work on you, become happy again, take away your attention from them and give it to those who do love and care for you, also give that love and care to yourself.

They have to live with themselves, they are so profoundly damaged inside they don’t even know it go heal, the karma is, you can escape them, they can never escape themselves, if you find out that karma hit them, you are entitled to be happy, you are entitled to feel sorry for them, you are allowed to feel how you feel in any given moment, emotions are a part of life, we just need to learn how to handle our emotions the correct way.

The best revenge, leave them in the past and create a much happier life for you.

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Observe don’t Absorb.

Pattern Interrupt.

Different Types of Narcissists.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Trying to work out if you’re dealing with a narcissist or not can get you looking at lots of different literature and listening to lots of audio, as those light bulb moments hit one by one, and all those dots we didn’t see while we lived it connect together. The fact we start to Google someone’s behaviour or see a meme or a quote that describes our life or someone we are dealing with is the major red flag you’re dealing with a toxic person. There are lots of words out there describing the different narcissistic personality types, so here’s a quick summary.

Narcissistic people enjoy playing chess with peoples emotions and lives, some you can limit contact and disarm them, by knowing yourself that well, their negativity no longer impacts your emotional or physical health, others are extremely dangerous, so no contact and always stay safe.

A narcissist wants your attention, any attention, they do prefer positive, yet they will take negative if they believe they are not getting their own way. They are happy to be loved or to be feared. They actually control others through love or fear. Their main manipulation tactic is offering love with one hand and taking it away with another while instilling self-doubt and fear into those close to them. When it comes to narcissistic people; their worst fear is to be ignored.

The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, they all have the same traits, and use the same tactics, yet they are individuals, so which they use depends on them, some will go for the silent treatment more than others, some will play victim more than others, they all gaslight and manipulate, they will cross over what manipulation they use, depending on who they are using them on.

They all work covertly, they all try to work undercover in destroying those close to them.

Some are extremely intelligent, and others are not so much. Some play victim most of the time others not so much, some have stunning looks, some not so much, they are all individuals, yet the exes, their adult children, their parents all have the same story’s to tell, it’s almost like a narcissist works from the same book, and with the traits they have, they do.

Not everyone who is intelligent or not so much, etc., is a narcissist, they do have to have the traits to go with it.

Some are extremely dangerous, and others are not. All are mentally abusive to those around them. Some use physical violence in abundance, some will not, and some will pull hair, spit in your face or slap you, others will not resort to physical violence, some will damage possessions others will not.

The narcissistic personality disorder is a disorder, and they do need to have at least five traits to have the disorder, these are.

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerating achievements and talents.

2. Preoccupied with ultimate success. Lives in a fantasy world of power, control, dominance, brilliance.

3. Superiority. Believing they are special and above all others.

4. Entitled. Feels entitled to have all their own needs met, demanding, manipulative and controlling.

5. Excessive admiration. A constant need for excessive admiration.

6. Exploits others. Takes advantage and manipulates others to get their own needs met.

7. Lack of empathy. Can not truly connect with how others are feeling.

8. Envious and jealous. Hate people who have something they want, also believing others are envious of them.

9. Arrogant. An exaggerated sense of their own abilities and behaviours.

Types Of Narcissists.

There are three types of narcissists and four subtypes.

  • Grandiose.
  • Malignant.
  • Vulnerable.
  • Covert.
  • Overt.
  • Somatic.
  • Cerebral.

The three types.

1. Classic the grandiose, they know everything, it’s their way or the high way, these are the ones you are most likely to read about, self-centred, arrogant, full of charm, often having lots of supporters around them.

2. Malignant, the most pathological and, hurtful of all narcissists, they have no sense of their inner worth, meaning they are full of rage and extremely vindictive, they are extremely dangerous and will stop at nothing to harm others, they are extremely unstable and often unstoppable, they will encourage others to fight on their behalf, they are extremely impulsive, they have no empathy or guilt, taking lots of rash hurtful actions towards others, they have an excessive rage within themselves. They have the ability to change reality for millions of people, their crazy internal reality, makes those around them believe that crazy reality, in the millions if allowed to do so. They have no limits, and there is nothing they will not do to serve themselves.

3. The vulnerable narcissist, tend to be more emotionally sensitive to criticism than other narcissists, have a low self-esteem and can be depressed, someone who’s been abused by a narcissist can come across as a vulnerable narcissist, from learned behaviour to protect themselves, when they are actually struggling with CPTSD, and vulnerable narcissists often get misdiagnosed with BPD. Those with BPD or CPTSD can get misdiagnosed as a narcissist.

The classic grandiose narcissist will most often be overt as they believe they are special and the world around them often agrees, the victim will most often be covert as they think they are special and don’t understand why the world around them doesn’t agree, malignant can be either, and all three can use overt or covert methods depending on their needs.

Narcissistic subtypes.

1. Introverted or Covert, they are harder to identify, they are very fragile, very ashamed people, extremely sensitive to setbacks and criticism, they are very woe is me, and they’ve suffered more than anybody else, extraordinarily envious and jealous not understanding why others get stuff they do not. They can be passive-aggressive, and they can be very antisocial. They will continually nag if they work, they often change jobs fast, they get bored very quickly, they are extremely lazy.

2. Extroverted or Overts, believe they have a right to everything and anything. Arrogant, self-centred, no empathy, believing they are special and above everyone else, they are better than all those around them. No respect, stubborn and self-centred.

3. Somatic, parade their body and looks and brag about their physical selves. Brags about their sexual conquests. They exploit their body’s to gain the attention of others that they crave so badly.

4. Cerebral narcissist pretends to know it all, and they use all their knowledge, real or fake intellect. The maintenance of their body is a chore they can not be bothered with, so they use real of fake intelligence to get the attention they crave from those around them.

Other potential types that researchers are looking into.

Communal, they seem to sacrifice themselves for others, very community-oriented, coming across as good people, they can winge and whine, they need praise for all that they do, they are passive-aggressive, controls you by giving you things, will happily trip you up, so they can claim they picked you back up. They seem on the outside to work so hard and do so much for others, yet their true behaviour is textbook narcissism. They are a backhanded do-gooder, may appear to listen and help others, they are actually helping themselves. They will always let you know which charity they’ve been to, how many people they’ve helped, etc., they are after the attention and praise.

Inverted, vulnerable, covert narcissist.

Some researchers have identified a special type of covert, vulnerable narcissist called an inverted narcissist. These narcissists are thought to be codependent. They seek to attach themselves to other narcissists to feel special, and are only satisfied or happy when they are in relationships with other narcissists. They are victim-narcissists who suffer from childhood abandonment issues.

If the narcissists do love it’s only themselves, if they are with the same sex or opposite sex, in an intimate relationship, they prefer meeting their own needs and housing the other person, the other person is just an extension of themselves to fill a void that they can not do for themselves.

They can either be.

On the lower end of the spectrum, who don’t seem to have much going for them, yet still, draw people in, these can be violent as they don’t have much control over their anger.

The middle of the spectrum, often using the silent treatment and, pity plays to win people over.

The upper end, more malignant or narcissist sociopath, usually know what they are, don’t care what they are and often more calculating and cunning in all that they do.

You can not help a narcissist, and they can not help themselves, you’ve probably tried countless times, just losing yourself more each time. You did not cause it, you can not change it, and you can not control it, most are like ticking time bombs waiting to go off at any moment for any reason, why we walk on eggshells around them, like walking through a landmine, one foot out of place and they blow, always keep yourself safe, with some you can learn how to handle yourself around them, yet this would still need to be limited contact. Walk free and surround yourself with positive people.

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Click the link below for the full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse, with a link inside to free access for the hidden online support group, with daily advice and support from me, alongside other survivors doing the course.

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Free online starter course for help with overcoming narcissistic abuse.

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Help with Overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety online course.

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All about the narcissist Online course.

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Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting, understanding how narcissists work, help with recovery and helping the children through.

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For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @ beyourselfagaintoday@gmail.com

Finding the right support for you.

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The malignant narcissist.

The vulnerable female narcissist.

The covert narcissist.

Nine Signs Of Narcissim.

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

As the word, narcissists become more well know. It seems to be getting thrown around a lot more. People end up questioning if they are the narcissist, or their parents, partner or boss is a narcissist. Everyone’s ex seems to be a narcissistic person, and while in a lot of cases this can be true, in others it’s not, some exes might come close as most people have a trait or two of the disorder. However, it is a personality disorder, if they haven’t got at least five of the nine traits, just because someone cheats a lot doesn’t mean they are a narcissist, someone who is confident doesn’t make them a narcissist, someone who takes selfies doesn’t make them a narcissist. A parent who asks their child where they are going or gives them a curfew doesn’t make them a narcissist. Also, some people are just negative or just toxic.

If you’ve turned to google to try and understand someone’s behaviour, if your full of self-doubt and second-guessing yourself, although we can not diagnose, most likely, you’re not a narcissist, and if the behaviour person you are googling is or isn’t, they’re most likely toxic, as you’re trying to work out their behaviour in which case it could be time to walk away.

You are allowed to love yourself this is the primary key to your inner happiness, and we should all love ourselves first, which can be extremely hard to learn, most people don’t love themselves, there’s hurt people who go around helping people, then there are narcissistic people who deep down don’t actually love themselves, they are very hurt, insecure, individuals who fill their needs and make themselves feel better by sucking the life out of others, destroying people along their way, not realising this continued pattern of behaviour isn’t a nice way to live, for themselves or those around them.

Most people have suffered from some form of trauma within their lives, although we are never responsible for our trauma, and not responsible for someone else behaviour. However, we are responsible for our recovery.

The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, and there is those on the high end that are incredibly toxic and dangerous, those on the lower end that you might be able to manage your time around them and all those in between, not all narcissistic people cheat, all do lie, some manipulative people are not actually narcissists, they don’t destroy others to succeed, some successful people are, some are not.

There are many types of narcissists out there, and once you open up to others, you’ll notice just how similar they are in their treatment of others.

A narcissist is a con artist, and they will sell you a dream and deliver a living nightmare.

Here are some of the more common signs of how narcissists behave if you think you have or you are dealing with one.

    NO RESPECT, as part of the disorder, is A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT. They believe they have a right to anything and everything they want. What’s yours is mine and what’s mines my own attitude. Rules do not apply to them, yet to the narcissist, those rules will apply to those around them, they believe they are above all others, and some will manipulate authorities and courts, as they think they’re special, they believe they’re allowed to do as they please and all others should bow down to them.
  • They control others, another trait of the disorder is ARROGANCE AND DOMINANCE. They are proud of who they are. Some will be obvious in showing it, and some will hide it away.or they use others. Controlling behaviour can be a sign in general, you can also have people who are a perfectionist so come across controlling, they’ll not be manipulative with it. Or people who are highly insecure and they are not narcissistic they just need extra certainty within their lives to feel safe. A person on the narcissistic personality disorder will try to control everything and everyone, from how others see them and you, to how you see others, they will act controlling in any given situation, and they will use tactics like, intimidating behaviour, threatening behaviour, pity plays, silent treatments, they can be plain old vindictive and nasty. They don’t care for what impact their behaviour has on others, only that they have control, they take the power of controlling behaviour to extremes. Overts can be very direct, and converts can be more subtle. Remember you can not control how they act or what they do, you can control how you deal with it and how you respond, the best response is no contact with most narcissists, this is not always possible so limited communication and keeps your focus on you.
  • Manipulation. Another trait of the disorder is, they EXPLOIT people. Whatever they do is only to ever to meet a need of their own. They seem to be the masters of manipulation, especially when we are unaware of what they are, what games they are playing, or what they are capable off, they are highly skilled at turning any disagreements into a massive argument, taking Conversations off the original topic, making other blame themselves for their own bad behaviour, they gaslight others into self-doubt and self-blame. They can be extremely convincing and charming, anyone who goes against them will find themselves in the midst of a mass smear campaign and being outcast as people take the narcissists side. They control others and make decisions for others through guilt and blame, to meet a need of their own. Knowing your own reality, writing key things down, letting go of those who don’t support you, being alone and being lonely are two very different things. You can be with a narcissistic and feel so alone, and you can be on your own and not feel Lonely.
    KNOW IT ALL. Another trait of the disorder is GRANDIOSE. If they show it or not, they believe they are superior to all others. They think they already know everything, and it’s their way and their way only, they are not interested in others perspectives, points of views or opinions as they believe within themselves that they already know everything.
  • Never accountable. They will never be wrong, and if they are, it’ll always be someone else’s fault, they will always find someone else to blame for anything that’s wrong within their life, or any mistakes they have made. Everyone makes mistakes and gets things wrong, we are human it’s how we learn, even from the basics of learning to walk, talk and eat, it’s rarely for any child just to open their mouth and talk perfectly straight away, and we do all talk differently, most people lose this natural thought process that we don’t always get it right the first time, narcissistic people fear being seen as anything other than perfect, the fear failure or making mistakes and they fear the judgment from others, no one likes being pulled up on what they’ve done wrong, so most people avoid doing hurtful things, there is no wrong way or right way to live our life, so long as our intentions are good, however, with a narcissist, they will never ever admit to being wrong, they will not accept responsibility unless it meets a need of their own, then they will downplay it, or shift the blame onto others, they project all their faults onto others as they never look at themselves or issues they cause, to them nothing is ever their fault. They don’t learn from mistakes of their own actions, and instead, they just hit repeat time and time again. They react exceptionally badly if challenged or questioned which most people can at times, narcissistic people react all the time badly when they have been exposed for wrongdoing, or even feel criticism in any way, how do they react badly, they will do one of the following, they either fight, temper tantrum, raise their voices, denial, blame-shift, pity plays, make excuses, or flight, walk straight out of the door, silent treatment, sulking.
  • A False mask. Another trait of the disorder is JEALOUSY AND ENVY. They are never truly happy and always want more. Some say they have a false mask, one face to cover the other face, in my opinion, they are who they are, they have both faces, the admiration face at the beginning which is them as it’s all manipulation and lies, they play nice to meet a need of their own, or to let you know you owe them further down the line, they are not helpful or kind because they care, they do this to use and manipulate people. Then the envy face when things don’t go their own way, where they seek to break people down. Or destroy those who’ve escaped them. Some are too lazy to seek revenge, most, however, do the smear campaign. Good people can wear a mask in public for fear of being miss-understood or disliked, that’s part of who they are it’s not to manipulate, its to fit in, whatever face the narcissist has on it is all about manipulation.
  • They idolise, devalue, discard and hoover. this goes into their two faces, as another trait is, A LACK IN EMPATHY, they can not truly feel what others do or put themselves in other people’s shoes. While they want to win you over the will do all the can to be admired, if they feel like Control is slipping they’ll devalue you until you give in and do exactly what they want at that moment. This changes week to week, and they discard when they believe you’re no longer meeting their needs. When they feel envious, they try to destroy people.
    Word salad. They can rationalise anything, as another trait is A BELIEF THEY ARE SPECIAL. They believe all others are inferior to them and they will do their utmost convince others they are correct, distorting others reality, they use pathological lying and manipulation, from the gaslighting, provoking and blame-shifting. A narcissist will try to get others to doubt themselves telling them they’re insecure or that something never happened, some will admit but find a way for it to be someone else’s or your fault for why they did something, in such a way people often believe them. Anything that doesn’t feel right to you most often isn’t trust within yourself.
  • Constant lies or exaggeration, as part of the disorder, is PREOCCUPIED WITH POWER AND SUCCESS. Those who are successful will brag, those who are not will blame others. There are the different types of narcissistic people, the classic narcissist, those who are successful and boast, exaggerate at just how incredible they are, as those around them often agree they can get away with this. Then the vulnerable, covert narcissist, those not as successful that will blame life and others for mistreating them, how life is so unfair and how others always get everything and just how badly they’ve been treated, and those in between that will do both. Those who work hard and are successful want praise. Those who are lazy want pity, in the narcissist’s reality they are the hero or the victim, yet never the villain. They lie about things they’ve achieved. Or exaggerate things they’ve achieved. They lie about ex’s, lies about lies. They lie about family, lies about mistakes. Lie to cover lies; in fact, some lie so much they believe their own lies. Now good people can have bad things happen and fall. Good people can get caught up in a white lie. They will not lie about everything.
    DESTRUCTIVE. They will ruin a special occasion, as another trait of the disorder is REQUIRES EXCESSIVE ATTENTION. They need to be admired by others, through love or fear, anything that isn’t all about them, they will pull out all the stops to ruin, from birthdays to Christmas, weddings to funerals, if it is their birthday they’ll find a way you didn’t get something right, someone else’s they’ll find a way to ruin, they will provoke to get you in a bad mood, bring up things that happened years ago, bring the attention onto them for someone they’ve lost and offer little to no sympathy, in the beginning, they’ll pull out all the stops to show you they care, once hooked this will stop. They have extremely low to no empathy and do not care for how others feel People who don’t support you through the good and the bad are not the people for you.
  • Drama. As a narcissist likes attention, a trait of the disorder is REQUIRES EXCESSIVE ATTENTION, and they don’t mind how they get that attention. Where they go drama follows. Whatever they are doing drama seems to follow as they EXPLOIT others. The narcissist might be gossiping and smearing people’s names, and they always seem to be holding a grudge against someone, how someone has wronged them. They are often playing people off against each other, provoking people, causing others to argue, lying, cheating, always seeking some form of drama. Narcissistic people have high levels of mood swings. They can have intense highs and intense lows, and good people can have mood swings, life gets hard, situations happen. Environmental factors like the narcissist you’re dealing with can cause you massive highs and lows, yet most people feel pain and try to avoid it, narcissistic people thrive from drama and negativity in those around them, to make themselves feel better. Those around them end up walking on eggshells to avoid the negativity and drama. Trying to please them and not set them off, as a narcissist doesn’t know what they truly want, they are a ticking time bomb and can go without you even knowing what happened.

The narcissist is stuck with a disorder, they are not interested in changing as they don’t see fault within themselves, they will continue this pattern throughout life, often getting worse with age, it did not start with you, and it will not end with you. Whatever they do to you, it’s not about you, and it’s all about them, they want you to believe your the problem to change who you are and help them, most will straight out say to you. ” it is not all about you.” because they believe it’s all about them and their needs been met, they do not care for others, they only care for themselves, you can not help them, you can help you by walking free. It is about you, your happiness your life, you choose to help others, they choose to destroy others, Whoever the narcissist is or was in your life, learn your own reality and your own truths, you do not need negative, toxic people who bring you down, life’s hard enough, surround yourself with positive, supportive uplifting people.

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Click the link below for the full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse, with a link inside to free access for the hidden online support group, with daily advice and support from me, alongside other survivors doing the course.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist/?preview=

Free online starter course for help with overcoming narcissistic abuse.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/kick-start-breaking-free-from-the-narcissist/?preview=

Help with Overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety online course.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist2/?preview=

All about the narcissist Online course.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist1/?preview=

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting, understanding how narcissists work, help with recovery and helping the children through.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist3/?preview=

For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @ beyourselfagaintoday@gmail.com

Finding the right support for you.

https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Video on what narcissist abuse does to you.

Two faces.

Lack of empathy.

Manipulation.

Jealousy and envy.

Why Do Narcissists Hurt You?

Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Significance.

Tony Robins discovered after working with millions of people the six human needs and how these are what give us fulfilment or unfulfilment In the things we do. What drives us to do what we do, what drives us as individuals to make the choices we make. There is an emotional side to everything we do and all the choices we make.

The human needs are.

1. Contribution.

2. Growth.

3. Certainty.

4. Significance.

5. Love and connection.

6. Uncertainty/variety.

Significance.

We all have a need to feel significant and special, to feel unique. The need to feel important. The need to feel wanted and needed.

Most people do this without realising by helping others, by contributing to society not understanding how it makes them feel. Often we do things for others to earn a living, to help someone else out, without realising on a deeper level it helps us feel good.

People can positively get significance through many different ways, and we are all individuals in the ways we feel significance, generosity towards other, helping with charities, raising children, working for a good cause, serving the community, how you dress, places you go, how many tattoos you have, how you talk etc..

You can make yourself feel significant in many ways. Positive, neutral or negative. Positive by serving others, working hard. An Achievement, neutral doing what you already are. Or negatively like a narcissist destroying all others and feeling like they have the power over others. Or negatively staying unwittingly in an abusive relationship.

You can work really hard put as much time and effort into helping others or building something good as you can and feel significant, or as a narcissist would, they come and put down all others work and achievements to feel better within themselves, which to them is an easier option.

Therefore, narcissistic people who as the traits of their disorder are. Arrogance and dominance, so they believe they should be in control and are allowed to do as they please with little to no thought on how it would affect another as with another trait of the disorder they lack the empathy to care, so they can destroy others to feel significant without caring for who they hurt along the way so long as they get what they want and get their needs met, so long as they feel significant. Also, as a trait of the disorder is a belief, they are special, and a sense of entitlement, they don’t think the rules apply to them and should be allowed to do as they please. Another trait is jealousy and envy, so they are very quick to feel jealous of others and with that belief they are special, they think they deserve to have what others have. To have what they want, when they want without the empathy to care for who they harm along the way to get it, which they actually can feel significant when they hurt or control another. Narcissists often believe they above all others, they want to get to the top, and they want to do it the fastest way possible, if someone stands in their way they’ll destroy them any way they can, if someone criticises their power and significance, most narcissists will go all out to destroy. Some are far too lazy.

Yes, most can control their behaviour, if there are consequences or witnesses, they can stop what they are doing, or cover things up.

Some narcissists find it easier and less effort to try and charm back an ex than find another new.

Yet when they come back unconsciously it fills our significance, we feel loved by them, significant they want us, a certainty that they can fill our needs this time. The contribution that we can help them change. We are unique and the one who will change them, make them see the light etc., with all the trauma bond and wanting to feel connected, even though we know it’ll hurt us long term, it unwittingly and positively at first meets our human needs, to then be taken down again.

When you love hard, and then you lose the love, then the love reappears, your love and connection unwittingly can make you settle for the bread crumbs of happiness they feed you.

Narcissistic people can be male or female, yet the higher the testosterone, the more the drive for dominate and significance.

Most people find their way to meet significance is by having a problem when we have a problem that we need to fix. Especially a significant problem, like within a narcissistic relationship it brings significant obstacles for us to overcome, therefore unwittingly filling our Hunan need of significance. Most often, when the narcissist blames others so they can feel significance that you are causing the problems and they feel significant as they believe the problem is not them.

We can also meet significance by trying to please everyone, and what do most of us do in a narcissistic relationship? We do all we can to please the narcissist.

So often people stay with an abusive partner not only because one of their six needs is significance, certainty or love and connection, then contribution wanting to help them but also they are extremely good at making you feel uncertain, then certain, they give you a variety, then making you feel special and important, just to take you down again, releasing those hormones and causing that trauma bond, so although you know you need to get out, it becomes increasingly hard as it’s unconsciously fulfilling at least four if not all six of your human needs that most of us didn’t even know about.

When our minds often deep within our subconscious, believes we are meeting three of our human needs, either positively, negatively or neutrally, we can all too easily become addicted.

Therefore in an abusive relationship at times you are occasionally meeting when the treat you so right, love and connection, or it was met in the beginning, and you want that back, you meet certainty at times, you know you’re in a relationship, and you have a partner, you meet uncertainty as you never know where you are with them. Contribution as you believe you are helping them, giving to them, changing to fill their needs and be who you want to be. Significant helping them. Out, looking after them. Therefore your subconscious is keeping you addicted through your human needs.

Filling your six human needs up in other ways will help you lose that addiction to the narcissist, so simple steps to start like paying other people genuine compliments, they will also get significance and a feel-good moment from this, as will your subconscious knowing you made someone else feel good, helping others out, especially through uncertain times, just help the right people, even staying indoors and listening to your government’s advice during the COVID-19 epidemic is helping your healthcare system. Keep finding the positive ways in day to day life to feel significant and lose the old addiction.

You will recover, and you will be happy.

Join me on social media.

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/coachelizabethshaw/

YouTube https://youtu.be/3qw9Satw9o4

Twitter https://mobile.twitter.com/CoachElizabethS

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/p/B4X-D95Axlm/?igshid=dwrruq1k9wui

Pinterest https://pin.it/goa2d3xa5ht7vt

Linkedin http://linkedin.com/in/overcoming-narcissistic-1b306a197

Click the link below for the full online course to help you understand and overcome narcissistic abuse, with a link inside to free access for the hidden online support group, with daily advice and support from me, alongside other survivors doing the course.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist/?preview=

Free online starter course for help with overcoming narcissistic abuse.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/kick-start-breaking-free-from-the-narcissist/?preview=

Help with Overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety online course.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist2/?preview=

All about the narcissist Online course.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist1/?preview=

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting, understanding how narcissists work, help with recovery and helping the children through.

https://overcoming-narcissist-abuse.teachable.com/p/break-free-from-the-narcissist3/?preview=

For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @ beyourselfagaintoday@gmail.com

Finding the right support for you.

https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw

Did the narcissist love you?

Does the narcissist miss me?