The Rollercoaster Ride Of Recovery From A Narcissistic Relationship.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Most relationships have some form of ups and downs, narcissistic relationships can have long periods of highs and only short periods of lows, keeping you trapped in that. was it my mindset? With the help of all the blame shifting from the narcissist reprogramming your mind. Or it can have swift movements between those intense highs and intense lows. Some you will have the highs in the beginning and the lows coming in faster and faster as the relationship progresses. You might have found yourself questioning plenty of times during the relationship if you really wanted to be in it, and that can also leave you questioning if it was you not putting your all into it because of the confusion and self-doubt, the narcissist brainwashed you with.

A couple of things that will clarify this is. Ask yourself and write down all you did for them?

Ask yourself and write down all they did for you?

Once you have managed to break free you might then begin to question yourself again, did I make the right choice? What could I have done differently?

In those moments write down all the negative sides to the relationships, the times they hurt you so badly and just disappeared on you, those times they sat and watched you cry, all those promises they made and never kept. To give you clarity on the events that truly unfolded.

With all the negative effects the gaslighting has on you, gaslighting is an insidious form of mental abuse, leaving you to doubt, reality, situations, history and your own sanity. it’s confusing being in the relationship and confusing getting out and staying out at the start, as you often left with memories of the good and all the blame for the bad. you were never to blame.

Narcissistic abuse can and will cause brain damage as it shrinks your hippocampus, so you have a hard time remembering the true events that unfolded, and grows your amygdalae which houses your emotions meaning your emotional state is in a constantly heightened within your mind.

It can also cause cognitive dissonance. A state of mindset where you have inconsistent thoughts, beliefs or attitudes as you are living differently contradictory reality’s within your life and within your mind.

Once you are out you might think that after a few days of grief you’ll be able to pick yourself back up, with knowledge, power and understanding you can for some it takes longer, unfortunately, it has taken a few years for others, it’s not a race or a competition, if someone recovered within weeks, learn for them, it doesn’t mean they suffered any less, they just had the ability within themselves to focus and go, if you take months you still have that ability to focus and go. When narcissistic people keep coming at you whilst you are trying to recover, it is draining, heartbreaking and can lead to steps backwards, feeling like you’re stuck and not going to break free, so working on recovery also varies on the narcissist that been in your life and the games they are playing afterwards, feeling like you are taking steps back is also a very normal stage.

When this happens, look for any achievement you have made within yourself or around yourself since you have left. Write them down to keep that focus.

Recovery from narcissistic abuse is just like recovery from any negative things that happen within your life, it takes time, work, drive and determination.

When you still have feelings for them.

Leaving is a struggle within itself, staying free especially when they come with all the false apologies or smear campaigns it is also a struggle, if you’ve been back and forth you’re not alone it takes an average of seven attempts, for people to get out and stay out. Your rational side is telling you to stay away, yet you’re also looking for ways to make it work again.

When you have all the blame it’s hard to break away from the feelings of wanting to try again, especially if you are lonely and they keep coming at you to try again.

First, recognise there is a big difference between being alone and being lonely, create new routines, write down new dreams, take the steps to achieve these for you and your future, connect with others who understand you and know that these feeling are normal, embrace them, learn from them and let the past go.

Lose the blame, no matter what happens no one deserves this treatment, you have been in a toxic relationship, you didn’t do that to yourself on purpose, recognise that you had good intentions and the other person did not, the blame and responsibility Is not all your, no one is entitled to treat you this way, pass the parts the ex is to blame and is responsible for within your mind back to the rightful owner.

They projected all their faults into you, it is time to give them back, write down their faults take them back out from yourself. Write down and say allowed I’m a good, kind, caring, person who wanted to help, I can not help those unwilling to recognise and help themselves, I can help me.

If it’s family members it’s also hard to break free. The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, some people can have a lot of traits yet not be a narcissist.

The only people you need within your life are kind, caring People, those who bring you down are not required.

When guilt hits ask you what is it telling me? I feel bad as it’s my mum etc and she needs me. Recognise all those times you needed her and she simply wasn’t interested, take action and tell yourself you do not need these people within your life. Then let the guilt go, you have every right to your own happiness.

You’ll have good and bad memories and it is difficult to walk away from family members, those who are not as toxic, you might start with seeing if you can manage your time around them, learn what they think and feel different to how you do, observe don’t absorb, others you’ll have to completely walk away from.

Starting again. Having your life and who you are taken apart bit by bit by a narcissist is soul destroying and they use all your weaknesses against you. You have to start losing the false beliefs and creating real ones, working through and owning your vulnerability’s, we all have them, once you recognise and deal with them for you others will not be able to use them against you, you’ll also be able to open up with good people on a whole new level.

You might have moments or days when you are flying and doing well, then days with setbacks, this is normal, on those down days, recognises the good ones, get back up and go again.

If you have stages of wanting revenge, normal human behaviour when you’ve been hurt and betrayed so much by someone. In essence they’ve projected themselves into you, deep down what they did to you they feel on a daily basis, lost, hurt, insecurities and anger, they are missing the empathy that you have to care for others, they only see their own suffering and hide it by blaming all others, they can not dig deep and look to themselves to heal, you have to heal when you had good intentions, they had bad intentions trying to pull that out and heal, I’m not sure a narcissist is capable of healing as first they’ed have to recognise their own faults, flaws and vulnerabilities, take responsibility for their own actions, become accountable, something they don’t want to do, this is an extremely unpleasant way to live. Being themselves is punishment enough without any wrongdoing from you. It’s hard enough for those with good intentions to relive it all and work it all out.

Going to live your best life for you, is the best karma, you’re entitled to be happy, without purposefully hurting them, this hurts them. Do not seek revenge it’ll only hurt who you are more.

That’s not saying if they have some form of outside karma hit, you are supposed to rise above, after all, that they did to you, it’s human nature and your allowed to feel pleased, if your one that would want to reach out and help them, which most of us have been, don’t they will only hurt you again. They will only pull you back into all the unpleasantries. Leave them to it and focus on you.

Questioning why you didn’t get out? All those red flags, in the beginning, all those moments you thought something wants not right, yet stayed. You are not alone, plenty see red flags but without the understanding make excuses in their own mind, it’s hard when you can see reality at the start of a soul mate that’s treating you better than anyone ever has, your living it breathing it, just because something didn’t add up that you couldn’t see so you stayed makes you normal. Now you have knowledge wisdom and power to take into your future, by the time they treat you worse than anyone ever has you are often in too deep, and they will find ways to make you feel like it’s wasn’t that bad or wasn’t their fault, or if you’d only change, the brainwashing is slow and intense, your mind is being held captive and your only job is to stay safe and work it out. You can and you will.

The human calling for curiosity, when we care for others we like to be involved in their lives, once they leave or you leave, it’s not all down to looking at their social media for what are they up to? How can they get away with this? Questioning why they can just move on without a care, they don’t they are missing object consistency a skill learned around the age of 2-3. You have this, so when you’ve had a connection you still care and check in on them, unfortunately as they don’t have the same emotions you do, this will lead you to further confusion within your own mind of why and how they can just move on, leaving you with more conflicting thoughts.

Recognise you want to look that’s normal for most, remind yourself it’ll only hurt more and leave you with more anger, questions and doubts, and focus on something else. Pattern interrupts, like when you walk into a room and forget why you went in, do this consciously, tell yourself you want to and tell yourself you’re not going to them focus on something else to take your mind away, keep going until those thoughts of wanting to look become less and less.

Anxiety and CPTSD, working on recognising your triggers, so you can get a hold of them before they escalate. Working on irrational anxiety, when your imagination uses past events to connect and think something is about to happen, and rational anxiety, when something is happening, working on your triggers and healing them one by one.

No contact, is the best method to leave them in the past, incredibly difficult to start, with emotional pulls, with the trauma bonding from the dopamine from the highs and the cortisol from the lows, you are weaning yourself off a highly addictive drug, become addicted in that time to something else, a great cause, a life calling, something positive that makes you happy, as days, weeks and months pass that rollercoaster of recovery gets easier. Emotional trigger and memories will pop into your mind less and less, as you start creating new routines and a happier future.

Most slip with no contact, again normal, just remind yourself why you are doing it and go again.

We all make mistakes, there are those that acknowledge and learn from these mistakes and keep going for a better life.

Then there are narcissistic people who are very woe is me, blaming all others and keep hitting the same cycle of repeat in their lives.

You know and you are more than capable to change your life, change one thing for you and it can change everything you are and so.

You are stronger than you know, wiser than you know, and you have great potential within you.

Tell yourself “I can and I will.”

When You Go No Contact With A Narcissist.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse By, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

When you finally break free from the narcissist and the trance that they put you under, start doing all the right things, no contact if you can, limited contact and grey rock if you can not. Rising above, not reacting and only responding if needed. Staying out of the arguments, observing not absorbing, working on you, turning inward and healing your wounds, working towards new dreams and new goals. Trying your best to move on with your own life without toxic people bringing you down.

When you finally break free it seems like all hell breaks loose and the narcissist seems to just be coming at you with game after game, it can be draining and so hard as they keep dragging you into the past, whilst you just worked all that out or trying to work it all out and you just want to leave it all in the past and move on.

Unwittingly during the relationship the narcissist learned all they needed to about you, they know all your weaknesses and your insecurities and they’re going to now use each and everyone against you to bring you down. They know your emotional triggers, your pain and your fears and they will use them against you.

When a narcissist wants you back or wants revenge, they will throw all they can at you. You’ve gone into your new life wise and strong you no longer want them, you know you need to heal from trauma bonding, CPTSD, anxiety and you’re working so hard to do so, then come messages, even when blocked they find a way.

When they come at you, if they start nice you might think back to. “If only if done this or not that.”

You might still be weaning yourself of them like the come down from a highly addictive drug. The more games they throw, the more you mind gets stuck in the past with them, do they miss me? To what are they going to do next?

If you’ve broken up before and tried to stay free you might notice they have a pattern of tantrums they go around, the more you go no contact and don’t respond, the more some will escalate, once they have tried them all the might circle back to the start.

Some are lazy and will leave you alone for the most part, some will have plenty of other sources and just go all out to hurt you. It all depends on the narcissist you were tangled up with.

A narcissist feeds of excitement and control,

Ways they get to you.

1. Opening a conversation up, They might send you a message about a memory of a great time you had together, to bring up the good, to pull on your heartstrings, with an “I miss you, we were good together” and the rest, you do your best to not respond and they will up it to, the fact they have never felt this way about anyone before, now part of you might be pleased that the shoe is finally on the other foot, yet it also confuses you and makes you start to believe perhaps they do care, yet still you do not respond. They might keep going and at some point, you could respond with a simple “we are over.” Or give an explanation as you’re feeling bad not responding, then the narcissist has what the wanted to contact, you might then get more pity plays off. “I can not live without you.” “You said you’d always love me.” “I need you and want us back together.” This potentially can open your heart more and you might respond more in-depth giving away the fact you did love them but they’ve hurt you so much, the narcissist will love this. Now they will try to open up a full conversation with you, and you’ve been sucked straight back into the vortex of doom and gloom.

If memory doesn’t work they might go for the pity play, some will even fake illnesses within themselves or the children, they might try jealousy, they will try and try until they find something that gets your attention.

Write down the abuse and the bad things that happened to you within the relationship. Every time you start to doubt yourself and think of responding, look at it and remember just how manipulative they are. If you break no contact or start to respond, just stop responding and start no contact again. Don’t focus on the slip-up, focus on you will succeed this time.

2. Announce they ended the relationship. You will have most likely spit up a few times in the past, if this time was your choice to end it, you might notice that the narcissist is telling people it was them to leave you and how crazy you are. Facebook status changing, people telling you things they are saying, and it can hurt, yet more lies. Your abandonment issues might kick in.

Stop and refocus, don’t go trying to make your point. you know the truth, we don’t need to be tit for tat on who Finished with who, yes it knocks out that sense of pride and ego that you finally made it out, but all you need to focus on is the main fact that you are out, what others think or believe is not for you, know your own truth. And focus on the fact that you are now free, don’t get drawn into the battle of who ended with who, focus on you’re out.

3. The emergency. They might come to you with an emergency again pulling your empathy of wanting to help people, they might claim to have an illness knowing you’ll want to help and feel bad for not doing so.

Remember first this is possibly a complete lie, second, if it’s true, you can not help them, you’ve tried too many times before and it will only ever hurt you, they’ll get help if they need it. Ask yourself. How many times has that person truly helped me with good intentions? Work on you and leave them to it, do not get drawn into the games. When a narcissist promises change, they will change just long enough to suck you back in, then once you are back in, they will punish you for making them seek therapy as in their minds it’s all your fault. They do not change, only their lies, their manipulation or their partner, never themselves.

4. Abuse by proxy, damaging property, smearing your name, having flying monkeys or enablers come at you, dragging you through the court. Changing passwords on your social media. Hurting those you love, threats, financial abuse again through courts or stealing from you, stalking you, hurting you and trying to destroy you any way they can. They want to punish you for walking free, also as they project and believe in their reality that what they did to you, you did to them they want revenge. If you’ve had to take the children no contact because they are not safe around the narcissist, the narcissist will blame you to all others, if you’ll not let them pick children up when it suits and ignore children when it suits, they will blame you as to why they don’t have them. They are never accountable or responsible, to them the faults within themselves and their lives are always someone else fault. They want your attention, a lot enjoy the court system as they can be the star of the show and remind themselves that they still exist to you.

If it’s court and the clown wants to drag you to the circus, prepare and learn to become the ringmaster, focus on the outcome you need and get as much support and backing as you can, get rest and take care of yourself. Pull away when you get drawn in, heal any wounds, look at your true reality and beliefs, look for the opportunities, for example if it’s divorce focus on what rightfully yours and stand firm, children if you had a belief that children should always see the other parent, focus on the fact that’s only the case if the other parent is safe, look for the positives on how well the children are doing without them, how the children anxiety and attachment is healing, look at it as the last bit of the puzzle and finally getting closure, they are not looking for compromise they are looking to win, write the outcome you want and go all out to get it. If they are smearing your name leave them to it, focus on you, don’t get drawn into the battle the truth will our far quicker. Write down any triggers and heal them within.

5. The new relationship. Most move on fast with a new person, often making sure you know, some will even move in with someone close to where you live. If they believe they are losing control over you, they’ll have a backup or three waiting. They will go all out to flaunt this to you, to try and cause your pain and trauma, they will be looking like the happiest loved up a couple you ever met, to leave you questioning what was wrong with me? Where’s my dream gone? What’s so special about them? They might move them into your home? Playing happy families with your children?

Don’t try to get into a new relationship fast yourself it will only hurt you more. Don’t try to warn the new, they are being sold the dream they’ll not listen to you, if they come to you when it becomes their nightmare you can help, other than that stay out of it, you need to heal you, so outside situations no longer affect you on the inside. Cry it out, scream it out, know the narcissist is only doing to them what they did to you and work on loving who you are.

6. Leaving belongings behind or keeping yours as a way of staying in touch with you.

If they are yours try to get someone else to get them, if at all possible let them go an move on, if it’s theirs, return them, remove from your home and give them back, leave at their home and take a photo and send, or deliver to a friend of theirs.

7. Making contact about random things, asking about unimportant random things.

Ignore ignore ignore.

8. They will change. They might promise change, offer a long deep conversation and offer to see councillors, work on their issues, get themselves help and want your support, they are pulling you in on your empathy towards others. It can be hard to resist as it goes against your nature.

don’t fall for their manipulation and lies You need to heal you, remember how many other times they’ve promised a change to only cause you more pain. focus on the fact you can not help them, you’ve tried so many times to just get further hurt if they want to go get help, it’s none of your business leave them to it and focus on helping yourself.

It did not start with you and it will not end with you.

9. They might get with your new partners’ ex to play games, especially if you all have children.

Try to avoid them finding out about your new life in the first place, if they do this, then there will be a storm you have to ride out until the narcissist gets fed up and leaves them for someone new.

Get a good support network in place, people who understand what you’ve been through, get reality checks from good people if you are struggling to give them yourself.

If you can ignore all attempts for communication if the children still see them, limited contact and are extremely boring.

Unfollow on social media, they will post things to trigger you.

Be careful about mutual friends, it’s hard but you might need to remove some from your life.

Stick with no contact, stick to observe don’t absorb if you can go no contact, retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so. Keep working on who you are, creating new routines and new dreams for you.

What Keeps People Trapped In Narcissistic Relationships.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

When you meet someone who is everything you ever wanted, needed and more, you are living your dreams with them at the start, and that is the reality of that moment in time, you see it you believe in it, it feels so good and you want to hold onto it and never let it go.

A narcissist is a con artist, they sell you a dream and deliver you a living nightmare.

walking away from your dreams and away from the reality that you once lived when they were so kind and caring is hard.

It’s hard to walk away from any relationship someone you fell so deeply in love with, walking away from a narcissistic relationship takes courage and strength,

When it comes to narcissistic people it’s even harder to do, as your mind is in a state of confusion and stress, with two different reality’s playing out, as they manipulate through gaslighting, projection and blame shifting, so you end up blaming yourself and believe you’re at fault, if only you’d change you’d get that person you met back.

As the power struggle continues whilst you’re trying to keep true to yourself and they are trying to keep control within their own lives and over you. Whenever you give in, that person you met reappears, leaving you doubting their bad behaviour and to believe it’s all your fault. It was never your fault.

The narcissist is also living in a state of mixed realities, deep down they are insecure and vulnerable constantly searching for someone to fix them, and when their inner faults are not fixed they will then punish people, as they only want the reality and can only cope with the reality that they are good and everyone else is bad, where most people can see their own faults narcissistic people can not, and the toxic relationship is formed.

You have one partner that is hurting and will take everyone down to heal that hurt, and another who’s might have been hurting before and will definitely be hurting during the relationship, that’s doing their best to heal the other person not realising it only harms themselves, both end up full off inner turmoil and self-harm, the narcissist in a negative way, yet blaming all others ,you doing your best to help, yet blaming yourself and it brings you more pain and discomfort.

So even though you might know within yourself it’s not healthy why do you stay stuck?

Love bombing. Narcissists know how to hook people in, this is a manipulation tactic to feed you that false reality, making you believe and feel like the luckiest person alive, that you’re living out your dream. Then confuse you when they stop acting this way, causing cognitive dissonance as your mind is trapped between reality’s and beliefs, also trauma bonding the dopamine released from the high and the cortisol from the stress of the lows.

Gratitude. We all know people make mistakes and when you’ve seen how good they can act you make excuses for bad behaviour as no one is perfect. Their gaslighting of events helps keep you in a trance. If they provoke and you react, then you’ve got reactive abuse, which the narcissist will blow way out of proportion as to why everything is your fault, yet with projection and blame shifting. they will play down the part they played or any wrongdoing on their part. You can always find evidence of when they are a good person, again causing that inner conflict within your own mind, finding ways to make excuses for the bad and focus in the good. They will do their best to make you feel grateful when they have done something for you. Yet make you feel bad if you don’t do something for them.

Empathy. You have high levels of empathy within you, do your best to relate to how others feel and help them best you can try to heal them, help them and give way too much of yourself, you have compassion and understanding and want to help people through their pain, unfortunately you’ll give and give and give and all the narcissist will do is keep taking.

Cognitive dissonance, as they play on and exaggerate all their good qualities, refuse to accept responsibility and they will play down all their bad, gaslighting you with. “It wasn’t that bad. That never happened. If only you’d. You’re crazy.” your inner conflict with your own mind causes devastating emotional turmoil.

Repetition compulsion, performing the same acts of behaviour and never getting different results. If you’ve had one toxic relationship and didn’t heal, you might try to fix the past in your present, you can carry the trauma from one relationship into another. Narcissistic people prey on those who’ve had past traumas.

Guilt, the guilt of walking away, guilt of not trying, then the guilt of splitting up the family, guilt of the past.

Fear, the fear of the unknown, fear of reactions, fear of what others would think, fear of loss.

Trauma bonding, the highs and lows of the relationship cause trauma bonding from the high levels of dopamine to the cortisol, you are basically on natural drug fix within yourself.

Financial abuse, the abuser will find ways to control your money, either by being the breadwinner and controlling how much you have, of being a leech and draining your finances. They can guilt you into giving them money, or guilt you into not wanting to ask for more.

Pride and ego, often when you’ve been isolated, especially if those people tired to warn or help you, your pride doesn’t want to let you reach out to them, fear they might reject you, fear no one would believe you.

You have to protect yourself and heal once you realise you’re in the never-ending cycle of a toxic relationship, the best way to do this is to get out safely.

It’s incredibly hard to leave, once out you’ll be wiser and stronger. Working on you and who you want to be, releasing, guilt, pain, fear working through the past to leave it in the past.

It takes on average seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Some manage less some it takes more.

Keep working on who am I, keep building new dreams, keeping working on your beliefs and your boundaries, your hobbies.

Make sure you eat well and sleep well, try getting some exercise.

Remember it’s baby steps all the way, you’re allowed a couple back just keep going, you can and you will recover.

Narcissist Abuse Causing Cognitive Dissonance.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

A narcissist relationship can leave you confused, full of self-blame and self-doubt, heartbroken, and lost to name a few, it can wipe out your old belief system to the point you no longer know who you are or what to believe. The internal conflict between the Jackie and hide characters the narcissist shows you can be crippling within your own mind.

What is cognitive dissonance?

This is a state of mind where your beliefs or opinions don’t match up with attitudes or behaviours, where you reality no longer match’s you’re beliefs so you’re always looking for ways to match them up, or you’re living two different reality’s.

One method narcissistic people use on people is cognitive dissonance. They learn who you are and what you like and dislike, what your beliefs are, they start by showing you the reality that they match you in every way, once you’ve fallen in love, they then begin to use it all against you in many ways, there are a few ways they use cognitive dissonance against you also.

First, they show you the reality to match your beliefs, then when their needs are not being met, they gaslight, silent treatment, provoke, blame shift and project. So you believe you did wrong, then they’ll so you that false reality that matches your own beliefs so you believe it was, in fact, you that did wrong, your mind becomes torn between the original reality, the intermittent reality and their bad behaviour towards you.

Second, because of the above treatment towards you, it causes a state of confusion within your own mind, as you fight the true reality of who they are, with the false reality of who they pretend to be that matches who you thought they were and want them to be, believing your at fault so your mind will downplay their behaviour towards you. Your left in a trance with your mindset not matching not trusting perceptions, people and your own self. As your holding two or more contradictory beliefs, or reality’s at the same time, it leaves you in a state of confusion, and often with anxiety, which they will use to gaslight you more, they’ll say things like. “That never happened.” And “I told you last week.” Or “you’re insecure.” And “you’re paranoid.” Which when you’re already full of self-doubt those words reinforce this, as your constantly looking for a reality check, yet especially if you’ve been isolated, that reality check is coming from the very person who’s sinking you.

They’ll happily watch your head go under the water, to offer you a hand and raise you back up, just to dunk you back under.

How do they do this?

You meet them and they love bomb you, through various ways, learn all about you, if you like flowers you might get flowers, you like movies you go to the movies, long two way conversations in the evening you get these, you’d like marriage and children they’ll make all those plans with you, message you call you, be there for you. Then at some point, it all stops, all you get is some half-truths. “I went to watch that for you, I don’t like it.” Or “we don’t need flowers.” Conversations turn into them talking about themselves, they’re no longer interested in you, that wedding most often never happens, if it does that the day or close to that everything changes. They’ll say a thing like. “You don’t do this for me.” You might get the first silent treatment. They will project all their faults onto you, you will then blame yourself, beg, plead, apologies, change to suit them and the nice narcissist returns, making your mind believe it’s you, they are all those nice things, only for it to cycle back to them showing their true colours, leaving you a little more confused each and every time, slowing losing who you are, slowly losing your reality and slowing losing your mind. They’ll then call you “crazy.” Or “you need help.” They reinforce In your mind it’s you. When in actual fact, it’s what they do to you.

As you experience cognitive dissonance, it makes your mind is hold onto two or more beliefs, reality’s, ideas or values, it causes a hazy mind, brain fog, when you can see the facts and the reality, yet it’s not matching those beliefs people find any reason or excuses to relieve the discomfort within their own minds, making incidents not as bad as they were, blaming themselves etc the psychological abuse received in this way, leaves you confused, full of heartache, with mixed feelings of betrayal and you feeling to blame.

The gaslighting they use against you. Gaslighting an insidious form of mental torture. It is psychological manipulation, where the narcissist plants seeds of self-doubt within your mind, making you question your own memories, perceptions and sanity. Which results In you having cognitive dissonance leaving you confused often isolated and going to the narcissist for reality checks, and they slowly take more power and control over your mind.

Our minds can self harm us more trying to remove this cognitive dissonance. By

Twisting our own truth, the reality feels to uncomfortable to bear, so our minds twist it, not knowing we are running away from the truth and it makes us feel worse, it’s the minds way of protecting itself from pain, temporarily, yet long term it causes more pain, our mind finds ways to eliminate facts, we don’t want to accept causing dissonance.

Evasion. Avoiding what we don’t want to know, creating a sense of denial within our minds, creating that dissonance.

Seeking validation, which is a good thing, unfortunately, that validation we seek is often from the narcissist, which only end up reinforcing That cognitive dissonance.

Healthy ways to reduce cognitive dissonance and get your mind back on track and working for you.

Write it out. Keep a written diary, write down the reality and facts exactly as they are no matter how painful, facing that pain and stepping over that pain will, in the end, free your mind from the pain it’s suffering now, every time your mind tries to tell you an easier story, read the truth out. Until you got reality in your mind and can naturally leave it in the past.

Speak with trusted people, those who will relate with you, let you know your thoughts are normal, why it’s happening and that it’s ok to think how you do, back to vulnerabilities. When good people open up and understand vulnerability within themselves, they can connect with others.

When your beliefs and reality don’t match, it helps to understand what your beliefs are and recognise the reality isn’t matching, instead of making excuses in your own mindset.

Other ways.

Change your beliefs, this can be hard especially if it’s important to you.

Change the situation, if the reality of the situation isn’t matching your beliefs, get out of that situation, leave it behind, it’s not working for you, it’s working against you.

Change your actions, whatever it is may have caused your feelings of guilt, pain, fear, step into those, and work through them, acknowledge them, don’t run if you run you don’t heal.

In future become more mindful.

  • Keep a written diary.
  • Exercise.
  • Read and learn new things.
  • Talk with others.
  • Meditation.
  • Yoga.

Keep a track on your beliefs, if you need to change them you can If you need to change something in your life that’s not matching beliefs you can.

You can and you will recover from this.