What the narcissist might say to win you back.

Overcoming narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

A few things narcissists might say to try and win you back.

Some people who are not abusive may say these things if they feel genuine remorse if they’ve not been physically or mentally abusive towards you they might be genuinely sorry for their actions and truly love care and want you back.

Yet if they’ve been mentally or physically abusive towards you, left you feeling crazy, take your money, your home, or use you in any way they can, cheated on you, they are saying these things as they want to use you some more.

When they come for the hoover, they might say things like.

“You made me do it. It’s only because you weren’t there for me. If you were more interested in me, that was when we’d split up, they are stalking me.” When you’ve discovered they’ve cheated again, blame shifting onto you, or triangulating you Both, so you work harder to keep them due to your trauma bond.

“I’ll go to counselling.” The narcissist has no intentions of changing, they are buying themselves more time with you. They’ll often use counselling to form an illusion, so you’re the one told by the professionals, that you need to change for the narcissist to make the relationship work, often you’ll be painted as crazy, not always, but a few narcissists have a way of doing this through manipulation of the professional working with you. Professionals are becoming more aware, in spotting exactly what the narcissist is doing and being able to help you.

“I miss you, I know you don’t want me back, can we just be friends.” They want friends with benefits, or to triangulate you with their new partner, or use you to make the new partner feel crazy.

“Let’s get married,” just because they want to pull on your heartstrings that they really care, often they just want to take you for all they can in the divorce.

“Perhaps we should take a break.” They just want you to up your game and win them back. Or. “I knew you weren’t right for me.” Again hopefully you’ll try to win them back, yet they’ll have someone lined up in case you don’t up your game on delivering all their desires which is never enough as they’re not sure what will make them truly happy.

“I’m sorry I hurt you, it’ll never happen again.” They’re sorry that the new didn’t work out and they feel you can fill a void again.

“I’ve nothing left to live for.” If you’re leaving them, The victim narcissist, pity playing hoping you’re caring heart will not want to leave them hurt. The reality they want to buy time, so they can discard you, and find someone else.

When they come back with all the gifts and I’m sorry, again, just a ploy to suck you back in the. Leave you in the dirt again, as the new isn’t working out, or you have something they want.

“Happy birthday.” Or “thinking about you.” On your birthday, they are just testing the waters to see if your willing, remember all those special occasions they ruined and do not respond. A response to a narcissist is all they need to worm their way back in.

“I’ve only ever loved you, you’re the only one for me.” Most narcissists are unfaithful, yet they try to play the card that they didn’t care for the other. The reality they don’t care for the others, yet they don’t care for you either, they only care about getting their needs met.

“I’m torn I love you both.” Again trying to get you both to work harder and win them over, they just want the attention from you both as you fight over the narcissist.

“I need your help, I don’t mean to hurt you.” They need your positivity emotions as they didn’t mean to push you so far as they’d not got someone else lined up, they didn’t mean to push you so far, yet as you still have something they want from you.

Whatever they say, do not break no contact or grey rock, it’ll set your recovery back, they hurt you and treated you wrong, and they’ll keep doing it every time you take them back, most psychologists and researchers say they can not change, don’t risk your happiness by going back.

Don’t run away from the pain of narcissistic abuse.

Overcoming Narcissistic abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

The painful reality of narcissistic abuse is emotionally, physically and mentally devastating, often if it was our parent we grow up with a lot of guilt for things we never did, a lot of resentment for things we never had from affection to not being allowed out. There are so many deeply hidden scars to heal from. Most often those who didn’t turn in the human survival fight mode and become narcissistic themselves tend to end up as people pleasers, fearing judgment from others, not have much confidence in self-esteem. Often leading to relationships with narcissistic people as we believe it to be normal.

Whilst you run from the pain you can not heal from the pain, grief gives us clarity over the situation as an entirety, it also allows us to process what’s truly happed and ways to move forward, developing ourselves for the better.

One thing you can do is think back to your very first childhood memory, of it was positively great. If it was negative or had anything connected to your current situation, you need to go through the pain, feel the pain, remove the pain and let it go, screaming, crying, getting angry with it, however you wish to let those emotions out.

Most often we prefer to run from the pain, hide from the pain, deny ourselves the true pain, to avoid the hurt, unfortunately, this usually ends up with us hurting ourselves more.

Most often when we don’t deal with our inner trauma and pain, we get trapped in negative coping mechanisms, that may have served us well in the moment, yet it programs our subconscious and no longer serves us if we don’t release them. Often we keep them so our own insecurities, weaknesses and vulnerabilities don’t surface for others to take advantage of in the future. These coping mechanisms protect us from the reality of the pain.

There are many ways people focus on negative coping strategies are usually subconsciously created by ourselves, to hide from the real pain, yet because the real pain isn’t dealt with it can cause further problems for us.

Some negative ways.

  • Passive coping strategies.
  1. Self-harm.
  2. Substance abuse.
  3. Addictions. Alcohol, drugs, gambling.
  4. Sexual misconduct.
  5. Overspending.
  6. Acting out verbally and aggressively.

The list goes on, in this method, we try to deal with it in that moment, distraction skills to numb ignore or cover the emotional pain. as you can see most of these are narcissistic behaviour as their subconscious hasn’t grieved from past trauma. Now we can all go through theses during of after narcissistic abuse, this doesn’t make us narcissists, whilst you have empathy you can move past this. A narcissist can not release that deeply hidden trauma to overcome this. They’ve got into the pattern of destroying others to overcome this.

  • Passive coping strategies can be.
  1. Isolating ourselves.
  2. Self-blaming.
  3. Avoidance.
  4. Oversleeping.
  5. Self-blame.
  6. Overeating.
  7. Undereating.

These are to cover or hide from the emotional pain and not acknowledging it for what it truly is. This is usually how the abused starts their coping strategy off. However, those who are abused or not can go for any or all coping strategies.

It seems like a natural, common Sense thing to do, run away from the pain, man the pain with something else, however, long term this only creates more pain.

The beginning of most personality disorders. The beginning of all mental illnesses is the avoidance of legitimate suffering, which is when we don’t allow ourselves to grieve or feel the true pain of a traumatic experience and try to mask this instead.

You can say no to reality, your subconscious can find another problem to hide from the true pain, your subconscious can be programmed by others to hide the true reality. Your subconscious can protect you in non-productive ways to hide from the pain. At some point, that pain is going to hit. The reality will still be around and the more we subconscious run from it the worse it becomes. Anxiety is there to protect us, why we have rational anxiety, yet the more we run from pain and trauma using our anxiety defence the more this becomes irrational anxiety.

Don’t run from the pain. Allow that pain to surface, deal with the pain, talk it out with others. Write it all out, scream it all out. Think back to the traumas, write how you protected yourself, what affects that had on you, then write the reality. Stepping out of your comfort zone bringing your subconscious out and putting it into your conscious mind will help you deal with the real trauma, move through the pain and grief and onto a much happier life.

This might mean doing things you don’t want to, things you are worried about, things that scare you, tears, tantrums, anger, resentment. You’re allowed to be scared it’ll help you become brave and move past the pain. Face the fear, overcome the fear. There’s nothing wrong with having vulnerabilities, nothing wrong with feeling anxious, you need to go through that anxiety and vulnerability and do it anyway.

You have to grow through what you find challenging to go through, you have to face the pain head on a deal with the realities to allow yourself to develop, grow and change.

Going through a narcissistic relationship, be it your parents or your partner has devastating effects, not only on your mental health on your physical health too, most of us are left feeling worthless, confused, angry, hurt, and abused.

We have to move past the past, in order to do so, we have to move past the pain.

You need to focus on reprogramming your inner critic also. Things like

  • “I’m broken.” Need to become “I’m healing.”
  • “I’m not good enough.” Needs to become “I am good enough.”
  • “I’m not loveable.” Needs to be “I am loveable.”
  • “I can not do this.” Has to become. “I can do this.”

Whatever that limiting negative belief is that’s holding you back and keeping you stuck, that’s programmed in your subconscious needs to be brought up and out and reprogrammed by your conscience. It’s hard. It like learning to walk, we stumble, we fall, yet we keep getting up and doing it again until it becomes natural, we all have amazing abilities deep within us and we can all achieve great things, if we work through the pain, lose the fear of judgment and keep working on yourself. Move out of the victim mindset, lose the woe is me and create the real survivor mindset and this is the lovable me.

It’s ok to love ourselves for who we truly are. So long as your intentions are good, there is no wrong way, only your way.

You’re allowed to tell your story to others, you’re allowed to keep it hidden, you’re allowed to go through the pain, you’re allowed to work on you, you are allowed to be happy, you’re allowed to be exactly who you want to be.

Why are narcissists the way they are.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

Why are narcissistic people the way they are?

Were they born this way? Was it learned behaviour? Did something happen to them as a child? that they turned to the fight survivor mode, as they were young they could never figure out how to turn this programming off. There is a lot of speculation about why they are the way they are, yet no conclusive reason yet, lots of possibilities that all give a fair point as to why.

Study shows that 20% of people are now on the narcissistic personality disorder spectrum. So is this a rising epidemic, Or are we just becoming more aware of these disorders?

Are we judging too many and putting everyone we can into some sort of personality box, to explain away who they are?

Were narcissistic people created this way so they could achieve in the world but somehow lost their way?

To me personally,

Narcissists are very self-centred, due to their own lack of self-awareness, low self-esteem needing others attention, deeply hidden insecurities, they put on a false self to all those around them to pretend to others that they are better than they actually are, this leads them from one lie to another, if they get found out about one, the others may come out, so they continue to lie their way through life creating a crazy pattern that they can not climb back out of, instead they just keep sinking lower, yet believing they are greater and deserve better. They will never accept accountability, on false apology’s if they feel they have something to gain by doing so.

They only feel shame and to remove that shame

they will always blame all those around them, through word salad, gaslighting and manipulation, protection, verbal and physical abuse. Why? to protect themselves, the problem with telling others so many lies is most actually end up believing their own lies as truths, leading them to believe their version of the false reality they’ve created to protect themselves, as their reality to them is the real reality, therefore whatever you say or do, that they feel goes against that false reality, or they take as criticism, they believe you’ve turned against them and you are actually completely at fault, in their false reality.

All narcissists have a complete lack of empathy for others in their lives. They have to protect this false self-image to feel more secure, and better than all others to feel better about themselves. As narcissists don’t believe they are worthy they have to use manipulation tactics to deceive all those around them, the problem with doing this over a long period of time is they just program their mindset to act this way, it’s deeply rooted in their subconscious, they are just set in default mode to act this way, and can not understand others, opinions, points of view, they just see it as others are working against them, or out to get them, so they then have to seek revenge on those people. They keep trying, but because they’re not secure and happy within themselves, because they can not create internal happiness, they can never find external states of happiness, they need reactions and emotions from others to feel better about themselves, if they can not get positive, they will take negative, anything so they are the centre of other worlds.

They on some level, must understand they hurt others, as they themselves don’t trust in others as they know what they are capable of, or do they just believe everyone thinks like them? Therefore if you say something they don’t agree with. They believe you’re trying to manipulate them.

Most go back to their ex’s, for the hoover, some even years later. So where we go through the long hard process, of healing ourselves, getting over the hurt and pain, them moving forwards on to a happier life, finally shaking them out of our headspace, do they just mask this deep pain that they can not handle by moving straight on time and time again, and as they never truly processed the emotions, instead just added another layer of icing which slowly drys and crakes, are we actually ingrained in their minds for all eternity.

It’s not easy and it’s not nice, yet we go through them all, we let them all out, and we forgive, we learn and we move on, from the inside out, do narcissists only do this on the outside?

They will never be accountable as they have completely missed out how it truly started, they focus on the fact you reacted, and they’ll blame it all on you.

They don’t see themselves as the problem, so they’ll never accept any responsibility,

They believe you made them do it, and it’s always your fault. Therefore they project that on to you.

They need to feel powerful and better than all those around them, to keep their insecurities deeply hidden, therefore they have a need for survival and how they achieve this is by becoming the puppet master of all those around them.

They are incapable of feeling the true emotions of love and happiness, so they have to watch and take it from others, ever noticed when you were somewhere having a great time laughing away and you can sense someone is staring at you, then when you look, you see it’s the narcissist, they’ve got a look your instinct doesn’t like, but you can not work out what it is, it’s envy, and jealous, also looking in great wonder of how you do it, trying to figure it out, then they have to slowly take it away from you as they are so jealous they can never truly do it.

Or when you’ve been upset and they have an odd look in their eyes, they’re almost sucking in your emotions, they have no clue as to how you truly feel, no empathy to relate to you, they’ve learnt the act in needed but it’s not true in them to actually care about anyone other than themselves,

When they exaggerate all their achievements, this is because to them what they have achieved is still not good enough, they don’t know why it isn’t they just know they need more,

They would prefer those around them to fear them, then not think of them at all, so if they can not have unconditional love that they believe they deserve, even though they themselves can not give it out, they will take it as criticism and set out to destroy you, all to keep their inner pain masked over with more falseness.

I know my own personal thoughts on the above, but we are entitled to our own, why I haven’t put my answers in.

You may have some point questioned if you were a narcissist? I know I did, understanding about NPD helps you to realise you were never the problem, it did not start with you and it will not end with you. .

If you care for other feelings, if you don’t like others getting hurt, if you love others, if you want to help and protect others, you have empathy, you are not a narcissist,

If you can genuinely laugh and find things funny, you are not a narcissist, narcissistic people often have a fake laugh. ( I’ve always disliked my laugh as I believed it sounded fake, and then when looking up trying to work out if it was me the narc or him, When I read the laughter I was like oh crap I’m a narcissist, someone come and rescue my children please.) yet I find things genuine funny, my laugh is, unfortunately, a trait of a narcissist and we all have a trait or two of nearly every personality going.

Do you feel true sadness, you are not a narcissist?

Do you try your best to help others, and hate seeing others in pain, do you worry you may have upset someone, without meaning to, you are not a narcissist,

Do you regret your reactions? To someone’s miss treatment of you? Did you hate who you were turning into around them? You are not a narcissist, just normal human, fight, flight, freeze or fawn, to protect yourself, human nature.

Are you a nicer person when your not around them. You are not a narcissistic person.

If you are in or have been in an abusive relationship, mental, physical or both, no matter what personality type they are, you need to get out and stay out, if they could stop themselves or not, only matters for your forgiveness, to move forward, but no matter what, no one and I mean no one, ever deserves to be treated badly.

We need more compassion to bring people together, or we are just as bad as the toxic people in the world wanting to rip others down.

We can not help them, yet what we can do is help, support and bring those together who do want kindness, walk free from all those who just want to harm others, leave all those negative people to each other, and hope they figure their shit out before they completely destroy each other.

How the narcissists mind games manipulate you.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

The narcissist gets into your head and plays mind games with you to manipulate your subconscious. Everything is a game to them, even when they are playing nice and most of us fall for those moments when they are playing nice. The narcissists use others to fill their self-esteem as they cannot regulate it by themselves. Their self-worth is dependant on controlling those around them.

They put thoughts into their targets heads that we are not good enough, not worthy, Not loveable, they want their targets to drop everything and serve them, they blame shift so their targets believe it’s their own fault and they deserve the abuse.

If you’ve been around narcissists for a long time your conditioning make you more susceptible, to abuse from other narcissistic people.

They brainwash you, through silent treatment, gaslighting, projection, fear, insults, false apology’s, pity plays.

They will drain your energy, your finances, your hopes and your dreams. They will destroy you any way they can. They will find any and all insecurities and they will rip them wide open, then stand by and watch you bleed.

They leave you living in a constant state of stress, fear, anxiety, depression, worry and so many more.

How do they manage such calculated manipulation of their targets?

1. Most often they will come into your life like a whirlwind, they mirror all your likes all your dislikes, you believe you’ve met your soulmate when you’ve actually met your soul destroyer. The person you met did exist within yourself, they were you only they were all an act.

2. They will put you down and insult you often, then they will make out it was a joke, only they’re the only one laughing.

3. When confronted with their behaviour, they will play victim, blame shift, rage, provoke an argument, twist it into something completely different, silent treatment you, triangulate you, anything they can, so they take back control, leaving you feeling crazy, to blame and doing all you can to make it right.

4. They will blame you for everything and they take credit for all the good things.

5. Sometimes extremely nice, others extremely cruel so you never know where you stand with them.

6. Isolating you from as many friends and family as they can, so they have full control over you and your reality. Some make it impossible for you to work, taking your financial security, some take away all your hobbies.

7. Discard with no closer to leave you thinking about them.

8. Smear your name so you are unable to get the help and support you need.

9. Slowly but surely break down each and every one of your boundaries, leaving you feeling worthless.

10. Some may even resort to giving you sleep deprivation, pity plays to keep you up, some excuse to wake you up during the night, arguments so you go to bed not being able to sleep.

They conditioned your subconscious to never feel good enough, never feel loveable. Never feel happy. To believing you are to blame. So even after the discard, you’re left devastated, then when it meets their need they can swoop back in to play the hero again, ready to take you down all over again.

You can retrain your subconscious, you can recover.

1. Write down the things you are good at.

2. Write down the things you do enjoy.

3. Learning to say no to others.

4. Write down where you’d like to be next year at this time, then take the steps to get there.

5. Become addicted to something positive, refill your human needs in a positive way. Certainty, uncertainty, love and connection, significance, growth, contribution, starting new things provides uncertainty, take baby steps. Starting new routines for you to fill certainty. Keep going and fill them all up.

6. Tell yourself constantly you are good enough, you are worth, you are loveable.

7. Work on your CPTSD, the trauma bond, your anxiety, baby steps.

8. Try to get enough sleep, at least enough rest to begin with.

9. Grieve, cry, release it then let it go.

10. No contact, weaning yourself off them cold turkey, or grey rock.

11. Meditation, Yoga, exercise.

12. If you have children with them, limited contact and routine. Work on improving your self-love, your self-worth, your positivity. Keep a diary of anything the children say, and let down from the narcissist, fill the children with positivity, if you can get them into activities, so they can discover who they are.

13. Write out the reality, whenever in doubt, look at the abuse for what it truly was.

14. Continue to grow, develop and create who you want to be.

Keep going, you can and you will recover.

Why does the narcissist start acting nice.

Overcoming Narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

When the narcissist starts being nice,

Why does the narcissist suddenly act nice? They want something from you.

Sometimes during the relationship, the bring back the golden period just so you don’t leave after you’ve left them, or they’ve to discard you, you slowly forget the amount of abuse and just how badly they can treat you, or you may still be blaming it all on yourself.

Most people hang onto the relationship or take them back, as when a narcissist is being nice, they can treat you better than anyone ever has.

The narcissist is an illusion, to cover up their true deep feelings, they act a certain way to protect themselves from their true feelings, why they are never accountable and blame others so they don’t feel shame.

This is why some narcissists can look like the perfect parent, they know their young children look up to them, hang on every word they say, they know they can make excuses to others about ex not allowing them to see the children, when the narcissist cannot be bothered, they know they can them swoop in pick those children up, spoil them and have the children hooked on them, those children who fill them up and don’t threaten them, often the golden child, the narcissist will portray themselves to others as the picture perfect parent. As children get older and more independent, they’ll use excuses like. “My children have no respect for me, their other parent poisoned them against me.”

So when they return full of what seems like genuine apology’s, promise to change, it’s all false, they’re just seem something they want from you.

When narcissists feels threatened they devalue others that are threatening them, they don’t see their actions as wrong, so will continue to do so, to help themselves feel better. When they feel criticised, they feel the other person has turned against them, so they feel, anger, rage, hurt and often want revenge on those who they feel have hurt them. Or if they think someone is untrustworthy and will reveal them for who they truly are, they’ll start the smear campaign to get in first with how horrendous you treated them, so they can play the victim and get their needs met elsewhere.

When those needs are no longer being met elsewhere, if they see you have something to offer, the come back all nice trying to suck you in again, Purley because they want something from you.

A narcissist can continually be nice to those people who never criticise them, or threaten their illusion.

They don’t know who they really are, they use other people’s good traits to pass off as their own, they act nice to fill their needs of positivity, they act nasty to fill their needs of negative emotions from those who’ve criticised them.

Get out safely and stay out, they only change to meet a need at that moment, and they change continue depending on that need and who they are with.

Help overcome anxiety after a narcissistic relationship.

Overcoming narcissist abuse by, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach

A narcissistic relationship with anyone, a romantic relationship and a parental relationship leaves a lot of wounds to heal, co-workers, bosses and friends can also leave you with anxiety.

Rational anxiety is normal, unfortunately when our minds are around toxic negative environments. This rational anxiety once out can leave us with irrational anxiety, as our subconscious has been programmed long term to protect us.

As a narcissist is gaslighting you with psychological abuse, often leaving you with self-doubt and lack of self-esteem. They also provoke to them project and blame leaving you feeling to blame and full of guilt. And the psychological abuse of the silent treatment, leaving you questioning what you did wrong, often leaving you walking on eggshells around them, no longer being able to speak up for yourself and full off anxiety through fear of reactions and the words of self-doubt they’ve planted in your mind.

Symptoms of anxiety are.

Common physical symptoms

  1. Dizziness
  2. Fatigue
  3. Changes in a heartbeat.
  4. Muscle tension.
  5. Shaking.
  6. Excessive sweating.
  7. A dry mouth.
  8. Shortness of breath.
  9. Nausea
  10. Headaches.
  11. Sleep disturbance.
  12. Stomach aches.

Emotional and effects are.

  1. A sense of fear or dread.
  2. Difficulty concentrating.
  3. Irritability.
  4. Loss of confidence.
  5. Feeling disconnected from the world, friends and family.
  6. Feeling unsettled on edge or restless.

Anxiety can affect all areas of your life, living with anxiety makes you withdraw from life itself. You can overcome your anxiety with simple steps and work from you.

Anxiety causes chaos in the mind and body, leaving your mind to react strongly to certain events or situations.

Fear usually manifests in the case of danger, yet there may be no rational danger when anxiety hits, although your mind truly believes it is rational.

Once you’ve been through one anxiety attack, your mind prompts you to avoid any situation or place where you’ve experienced it before, a natural defence mechanism to help you. Avoidance is your mind way of trying to protect you. Once you’ve experienced pain, if your mind believes it is going to experience it again, anxiety kicks in thinking its protecting you. Its natures way for you to avoid stressful situations, when its a rational fear it serves us well, when it’s irrational it starts to become counterproductive and work against us.

In an attempt to protect yourself, your mind sends out warning signals. It sends you into a state of hyper-vigilance. So you start avoiding places and people. Understanding why it happens will help you overcome your anxiety.

Anxiety isn’t caused by one single factor, it’s usually a build-up of a combination of things, difficult life experiences can be one cause, when we start to feel anxious we often turn to things that give us comfort, food, wine etc. If it helps do it if it makes you feel worse, in the long run, it’s time to create new coping strategies. Being aware and assessing the negative effects is key. So if having a glass of wine or two helps and you can carry on great, if having two bottles gets you texting random stuff to those you shouldn’t and waking up feeling worse it’s time to change it. If you’re comfort eating then feel worse afterwards, all you’re doing is feeding the anxiety, it may feel hard, it might feel painful to start but going for a walk, running up and down stairs for five minutes instead will help release endorphins and help you feel much better instead of that comfort food. To get over anxiety you’ve got to deal with the underlying issues first.

Everyone has an inner voice, however after an abusive relationship and if you struggle with anxiety it can work against you. Your inner critic can hold you back, it can self-sabotage so many areas in your life.

You need to identify it and challenge it. Once you do you can then break the cycle.

You have now got to catch those negative thoughts, it is not easy to start this process, once you do it will get easier.

Talking to the right people can help, friends, family, support groups, talk therapy, psychologists, life coaches are great with helping you work on anxiety. Talking helps with.

Cognitive behavioural, which teaches you to adjust your thoughts and actions.

Interpersonal, shows you how to communicate better.

Problem-solving gives you the skills to manage your symptoms.

1. Talking to the right people can help, friends, family, support groups, talk therapy, psychologists, life coaches are great with helping you work on anxiety. Talking helps with.

Cognitive behavioural, which teaches you to adjust your thoughts and actions.

Interpersonal, shows you how to communicate better.

Problem-solving gives you the skills to manage your symptoms.

2.Exercise

It’s a proven mood-booster that’s good for your body and mind. Exercise also raises your self-esteem and confidence. And it’s considered to be a treatment for mild to moderate depression. It releases endorphins which naturally lift your mood.

Even a brisk walk can do this. Just find one that you enjoy, joining team sport is great for making new friends, or dancing.

3-5 times a week, for around 30 mins, just start slow if it seems too daunting, one day a week 10 min, then next week do two days, make a plan and stick to it, slowly increases at a pace you’re comfortable with.

3. Yoga or meditation, just 2-5 minutes a day can help.

Focus on your breath

Make a picture in your mind of a beautiful image

Repeat a simple word or mantra, like “happiness”

4. Clean up your diet, comfort foods can help your mood at the moment, just not 4.long term, proteins are great, meat, eggs, nuts etc, especially if you’ve taken up exercise. Good fats, like in cheese, avocado, dark chocolate nuts, plus fruit and veg. Everything in moderation.

5. Do something meaningful. Find something you enjoy, Get involved in an activity that feels important to you. It may be athletic, political, spiritual, or a social cause where you can volunteer. Look for something that gives you a sense of purpose.

6. Be creative. Direct your focus into something constructive. Rediscover your strengths. If you have a long-lost talent or interest, dive back into it. Listening to music, learning to play an instrument, try painting, dancing, singing, writing, keep trying new things to you discover what you enjoy.

7. Read a good book. It’s a good way to relax. There’s even research that shows that reading books on psychology may boost your mood. Also learning about narcissistic personality disorder and what you’ve been through helps a lot of people in the recovery process, although that isn’t for everyone.

8. Get a good support system going, reach out to support groups with people who know what you’ve been through and how to help, friends and family if they are available.

9. Get organized. Slowly and step by step, set a new goal, de-cluttering your home can give you a clearer mind.

10. Try to manage your worry, keep a written diary. Set aside time to do it, then leave those worth in the diary and enjoy your day. Keeping a diary on your anxiety also helps you spot signs and triggers.

11. Baby steps, just start smiling at people or find something small that steps you out of your comfort zone.

Find what works for you, keep going you’ve got this.

You are allowed to leave the narcissist.

You are allowed to walk away from those when you feel like you can no longer go on when you feel like you no longer love yourself when you have lost your self-worth and self-esteem.

You are allowed to walk away from those, who make you doubt yourself, make you think you are the problem, make you believe you are broken and worthless. Those who make you feel insecure and insignificant.

You are allowed to walk away from those you fear reactions from when you say no, you are allowed to say no.

You are allowed to walk free from those who, gaslight you, silent treatment you, project, provoke, you are allowed to leave those who psychologically abuse you. Your allowed to leave those who physically abuse you.

You are allowed to walk free from those who make you fear them, from those who make you feel guilty.

You are allowed to walk free from those who say. “You’ll never find someone like me.” That’s the whole point in becoming free.

You are allowed to walk away from anyone, friends, family, bosses, coworkers, anyone who does not respect you for who you are. Those who are unwilling to be kind, those who are unwilling to give and only take.

You are allowed to be happy, to find your own passion, your own talents, you’re allowed to find your positivity and you’re allowed to walk away from negativity and those who continue to use you.

You are allowed to work, you’re allowed to dream, you’re allowed to go out with friends, you are allowed hobbies. You are allowed to hope.

You’re allowed to be happy, to create exactly who you want to be, you are allowed to make mistakes, you’re allowed poor judgment, you’re allowed to cry, you’re allowed to hurt, you’re allowed to feel angry and resentful, you’re allowed to feel guilty, you’re allowed to move past this, you’re allowed to let go of all the anger, pain, guilt, resentment.

You’re allowed be happy, to be exactly who you want to be, with good intentions and a loving heart.

You’re allowed to be happy, to find your own sense of humour, to find good happy positive people. Who accepts you for who you are, who loves you as you are, you are allowed to walk away from your old expectations of yourself and create a new you, you’re allowed to keep you’re standard high and walk away from those who don’t meet your expectations.

You’re allowed to be happy and forgive yourself for missed opportunities, you’re allowed to forgive yourself for not doing what you wanted to do, you’re allowed to forgive yourself for doing what others asked of you and not what you’re instincts told you to do. You’re allowed to please yourself first, then you’re allowed to help those who can be helped. You’re allowed to forgive your past. You’re allowed a second chance, you’re allowed to get up and go again, you’re allowed to start from scratch.

You are allowed to make yourself happy, you are allowed to walk away from situations and people that don’t serve you.

You are allowed to be happy, you’re allowed to be grateful for the experience, you are allowed to change, you are allowed to develop and grow, you’re allowed to start over, you are allowed down days, you’re allowed to be happy.

You’re allowed to be happy, you’re allowed to leave those people and situations that make you feel stuck, you’re allowed to change your mind, you’re allowed to change direction, you’re allowed to create new destinations.

You are allowed to be happy, you are allowed to please yourself, you’re allowed to love yourself, you’re allowed to be confident, you’re allowed to be exactly who you want to be. You’re allowed to release your past and live in your present, you are allowed to create your future starting from today.

You are allowed to be happy, you are allowed to be you.