Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People Rule 2, Less Is More.

Narcissistic people can be some of the most self-entitled, exploitative people you could ever meet, and with their lack of empathy, they can be some of the most hurtful people you could ever meet. With their admiration seeking face, they can treat you better than anyone ever has, then with their envious face, treat you worse than anyone ever has while refusing to take responsibility for their behaviour, often leaving those around the narcissist confused, frustrated, anxious and feeling like they’re to blame.

No contact is always the best approach to dealing with narcissistic people. However, this isn’t always possible. There are several rules to deal with narcissistic people, and one of those is less is more.

You do have to remain vigilant and careful around those who lack empathy as there’s no low they won’t go to get one over on somebody or get back at someone if the narcissist can create an opportunity to do so.

When dealing with that narcissistic family member, you might see at a family event, that narcissistic person within the friendship group, the narcissistic Co-worker, or narcissistic ex that you share children with, we have to find the right coping strategies to deal with them. However, those coping strategies have to be in place depending on the situation you are in. Your safety must come first.

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, less is more in so many ways.

The less time you spend around them, the clearer your thoughts will become, the kinder the words you speak to yourself, the more peace you will have, the better the ability to think for yourself, and the happier you’ll become.

The less you defend yourself to them, the less they be able to frustrate you, and the more clarity you’ll get. When around offensive people, it’s effortless to want to defend ourselves to them, getting drawn into those no productive arguments which a narcissist will often be claiming “I don’t want to argue.” When what they’re meaning is they want to state their point, and you do not have one, the more you state your point, the more a narcissist will wind you up, the less you respond, and the sooner a narcissist will leave you alone because they’re not getting the supply of attention from you.

The less you argue with them. The more peaceful your life will get. This isn’t easy. When narcissistic people become incredibly offensive, it’s easy to become defensive and argue our point to them; however, they’re not listening to our points, at least not understanding them. They’re listening to use our points to get us going all the more so they can claim, “I told you I didn’t want to argue with you.”

The less you respond to them, the more chance you have of them leaving you alone. When a narcissist is provoking you, it’s time to step away and see the situation in its entirety. Recognising what they’re trying to do and no longer playing into their hands. One of the best lines of defence against a narcissist is knowing who you are and leaving the narcissist to think whatever they want.

The less you explain to them, the more control you’ll have of your own thoughts. The less you explain, the more you’ll be able to regulate your thoughts and feelings, as the less the narcissist will be able to use your explanations against you.

The less you excuse their behaviour, the more you’ll see their true character.

The less you provide for a narcissist, the more they’ll move away from you because they’re no longer getting what they want from you.

The less they know about you, the more likely it is they’ll leave you alone. Narcissistic people are incredibly envious people, so if they see something you have that they want, they’ll go all out to take it from you, either to exploit you for it or sabotage it so you can’t have it. Tell them about a job interview they’ll hide your keys to make you late, an achievement they’ll take the credit for, special occasion they’ll destroy it. The less a narcissist knows about you, the less opportunity they’ve got to hurt you and the more freedom you’ll have.

The less a narcissist knows about you, the better for you. Narcissistic people use any information about you against you, whether that’s to discredit your character in their smear campaigns so you can’t expose their true character, or if they’re using your compassion to guilt trip you, your past to intimidate or threaten you, the things you tell a narcissist in secret they’ll use to keep a hold over you. A narcissist will use your personal information against you, so they can further their advantage over you.

Narcissistic people seek excessive attention, so the less attention you give them, the less praise you give them, and the less admiration you give them, especially to their negativity, toxic, hurtful behaviour, the more your thoughts, feelings and opinions will become clear.

Narcissists use the silent treatment to punish you. Genuine people who enjoy open communication and learning about each other, who can empathise with others and show compassion learning how something might hurt another, so if they’ve unintentionally hurt someone they can learn not to do it again, narcissistic people are not interested in this type of communication, they’re interested in getting their own way, and when they’re not getting their own way they can fall silent on you, give you one word answers, so they don’t have to explain or justify their actions to you, the narcissists silence negatively impacts us, as the more they refuse to communicate the more we feel less than, we question and doubt ourselves, chase them for answers, the more we ruminate about them, the less we care for ourselves, the less a narcissist communicates the more we analysis and question everything, because the narcissist is silent towards us, the more we think about them, the more we question and doubt ourselves, the more we try to open communication up with the narcissist. The more we start explaining ourselves to them, giving them information that they will at some point twist and use against us. Narcissistic people fall silent when they don’t get their own way. As you’re left overthinking, a narcissist will then accuse you of overthinking or tell you to stop overthinking. As they’ve put you in a place of overthinking, you think they understand you, not recognising it’s them doing it to you.

We have to learn to have more control and respect their silence. The less communication from them, the more easier it becomes to free ourselves from them. We should respect their silence and stop communicating with them. It can go against every grain of who you are why it’s challenging, yet it’s can also be so freeing. Often when you don’t chase a narcissist that’s fallen silent on you, they’ll leave you be, dents their ego chasing you. The more self-control we develop over our voice, the less control a narcissist will have over us.

Speaking less to a narcissist giving a narcissist less information, so we have more control over our voice, our thoughts, feelings and opinions. When your opinions don’t match those of a narcissistic person, they’re not interested in your perspective. They’re interested In invalidating you, chipping away at you, provoking you for not readily agreeing with them, or playing the victim of “you just don’t understand me. You always take their side.”. Narcissists are only interested in proving themselves right by going all out to make out you’re wrong. If you disagree with a narcissist there’s no point going further into the conversation with them because they’re only listening to the parts of the conversation they can use against you.

A Narcissist will cause intrigue. One way they do this is to leave out information. Then why do you call them out. They claim, “I didn’t tell you because I knew you couldn’t handle it. I knew you’d react like this.” A narcissist will bait you into non-productive arguments. They will gaslight you, blame you, shame you, project out onto you or fall silent on you. A Narcissist will go all out to provoke feelings such as anger, resentment, bitterness, confusion, frustration, jealousy, guilt, pain, sadness and many more negative emotions within you, so when a narcissist doesn’t get what they want from you, they might go all out to guilt trip you, “after all I’ve done for you.” To guilt trip you into either doing something for them that you don’t want to do or asking something of them that they once promised to do. This is when we have to recognise they’re guilt-tripping us. The more we try to explain ourselves to them, the more the narcissist feels their control is slipping away, and the more a narcissist will provoke you into reacting so they can discredit your character to protect theirs. Once they have your reaction, a narcissist will stand back and say, “what’s wrong with you? Are you having a bad day?” As a narcissist wants to provoke pain within you that they believe you have caused them.

The more you try to communicate with a narcissist, the more they use this communication against you. The less you communicate, the less they have to go on to hurt you.

When a narcissist isn’t getting their own way, so they start accusing you of being selfish, awkward and stubborn because the narcissist wants you to question and doubt yourself, to feel shame and blame yourself, to give in, so the narcissist gets their own way.

Never compromise who you are as a person to compromise with those who are unable or unwilling to compromise with you. Compromise is good when it’s mutual. Nothing is ever mutual with a narcissist. The more you stand by your values, the less frustrated you’ll be, the less resentful, and the more freedom and happiness you’ll feel.

When a narcissist claims you feel something you don’t, or your emotional reactions to their actions are the problem, instead of giving them more, recognising they don’t care for your feelings and give them less, narcissists crave attention when they’re not getting it they move on. Some will double down. However, the more you stay true to yourself, the less they get from you, the sooner they leave you alone, they’ll still blame you, that’s a choice that they make, it’s nothing to do with us. It is not up to us to change what another thinks about us. It’s not up to us to change how someone perceives that reality. If we can communicate with someone great, get others thoughts, feelings and opinions, see each others point of view, gain a greater understanding of one another great, if they’re unable to communicate on a genuine level it’s too late, they’re not interested, only in themselves and getting their own way.

Narcissists seek to punish you when you don’t go along with what they want from you.

When dealing with narcissistic people, less is more. The less you deal with them, the more you’ll be able to live a happier, more peaceful life.

So when it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, less is so much more.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People Rule 1, Never Outsmart The Narcissist.

Narcissistic people can be some of the most frustrating people to deal with, as they believe they’re always right one of the best methods to deal with narcissistic people is don’t, go no contact and leave them to it; however, this isn’t always possible so just how do you deal with narcissistic people that you can not cut out of your life.

One method is to not offend the narcissist. Far easier said than done, narcissistic people tend to be highly sensitive and have fragile egos, not that they’ll admit to this. So never outsmart the narc, never get the better of a narcissist and never defeat the narcissist, at least not while they’re in your company or where they can seek to sabotage you or take revenge on you, be careful around those who lack empathy, there is no low they won’t go to get one over on you if they believe you got one over on them.

Narcissistic people are incredibly envious people, so by simply being yourself around them can trigger their envy, and they seek to ruin things for you. Being yourself, you can outsmart or outshine a narcissist because you’re an individual with different talents; however narcissistic people seek to be the best of everything, so they seek to take from you what you have, or if they can not take it or take the credit for it, they seek to destroy it for you.

You want to avoid offending narcissistic people. By knowing more than them, this offends them. Having something they want this offends them, by defeating them this offends them. Narcissistic people take things personally.

Be extremely careful navigating yourself around narcissistic people. They lack the compassion to care for you. Be careful around those who lack empathy.

Never suppress who you are to impress who they are, which is what you need to do around narcissistic people. Suppress yourself just enough not to outsmart them so that they can notice. However, in the long term being around a narcissistic person will suppress who you are, which has detrimental effects on who you are as a person. Therefore never suppress who you are to impress them. Suppress who you are around them in order to protect yourself, know your reason why, and don’t lose touch with who you are. Why limited contact is always best to get the space to be who you want to be. Just limit the information you give them about yourself, limit the communication and limited time, and let them do the talking, but don’t do much listening. They’ll soon leave you alone and find someone who will stroke their ego, say things like ok, good for you, but don’t get drawn into a conversation. When they ask what you’ve been up to, it’s something like “nothing much.” They’re either after information they can use against you, information to sabotage you, or information to invalidate you. They’re not interested in what you’re doing. They’re interested in what they can use against you.

When dealing with insecure people, and not all insecure people, Narcissistic people can be some of the most insecure people you could ever meet. When around insecure people that have a sense of entitlement, are extremely exploitative and lack empathy, the last thing you want to do is bring out their insecurities, as that often triggers them to go into the survival mechanisms of fight mode, where they’re going to attack you to feel better about themselves, they’re going to fight back to punish, win and control you, because they’re not in control of their own emotions they want to control yours.

You can have people with insecurities that try to help others do better. You can have people with insecurities that turn to the survival fawn and go all out to please others. They might take flight and become obsessive in other areas of their life. They might freeze and avoid situations. There are many different ways people respond to their own insecurities, especially when their insecurities are triggered with narcissistic people who are envious, self-entitled, exploitative and lack empathy. When their insecurities are triggered, they are placed into a state of fear, and that fight survival mechanism kicks In within them, and they seek to punish you. They seek to hurt you, and there’s plenty of evidence within this as a narcissist will go all out to invalidate you, they’ll go all out to discredit who you are, discredit your thoughts, feelings and opinions if it doesn’t match those of the narcissists or what the narcissist wants. They will go all out to devalue you. They’ll go all out to make you feel like you are not enough, like you’re worthless. They will go all out to criticise you, so you no longer trust within your own thoughts and feelings. You no longer trust your own beliefs, values or opinions because the narcissist will suppress any of those within you that don’t match those of the narcissists to feel better about themselves.

It’s nothing about who you are, what you have or haven’t done. It’s the narcissist’s own inadequacies, the narcissist’s own insecurities, playing out in a format that they have to suppress who you are to feel better about who they are.

A Narcissist will judge you, a narcissist will go all out to rain on your parade because they don’t want you to outshine them, it hurts them, and it hurts them to a point where they must punish you, which shows because when you do better than a narcissist they seek to pull you down, mock you, judge you, sabotage you, or even take the credit for the things you’ve done. A Narcissist will have a subtle dig to chip away at your self-confidence. When you are perceived by a narcissist to be doing better than them, they can’t handle it. Their fragile ego can not take it. When you are perceived by a narcissist as having something better than them, they’ll gossip about it, discredit it, and ruin it. They’re going to criticise it, pull it down, and tear it to pieces because they are envious of it. They can’t think, wow, I’d love to do that, I’d love to have that, what can I do to achieve that? Narcissistic people think you stole it from them, and they want it back. They believe they deserve it more than you, so they seek to take it from you or destroy it for you, which is why you should never tell a narcissist information about yourself.

Sharing your good news with a narcissist never goes well as it questions who they are, their sense of superiority, it crushes their ego, even sharing bad news a narcissistic person can not take it, you can not achieve more than them, or have suffered worse than them, they seek all the admiration, attention and support, narcissistic people don’t like anyone taking the limelight away from them.

If something tragic happens, In your life. You’re taking the sympathy away from the narcissist, which questions their sense of belonging. It places the narcissist into their fear zone, why they fight back with how they’ve suffered far more than you, lived through far worse than you. So that the narcissist can become the victim to gain the sympathetic attention from you. This isn’t two genuine people having a mutual conversation to share and understand each other’s feelings to validate each other and help each other through. This is a narcissist suppressing your feelings to outshine you with theirs, you can not win with narcissistic people, they’re not looking to understand you, they’re looking to control you, you can not outshine a narcissist.

If you can not go no contact with a narcissist, it needs to be limited contact, don’t inform them of anything, don’t tell them what you are doing, what you’ve accomplished or what you’re going through if you have to tell them because they’d find out another way. They’ll react to not being informed, do it in a way of asking for their advice, not to take their advice on board, to make them feel superior, things like, this happened to me today do you have any advice, have you ever experienced this, to pull them into a conversation they believe they’re in charge of, as the more a narcissist does the taking, the more you learn about who they are as a person to distance yourself from them and find people who are supportive of you as you are to others. It does need to be limited contact around narcissistic people, as the more you are around them, the more they’ll suppress you, the more they’ll trigger your emotions, the more they’ll push your buttons to trigger you into reacting to them, so they can play the victim and blame you. Narcissistic people are looking for the drama, and the more suppressed we are, the more likely it is we’ll react, and as we take responsibility for our actions, we’re then the ones left feeling bad for acting out of character. We know that’s not a side of us we like within ourselves. We then, in turn, try to make it up to the narcissist when the narcissist provoked the worst within us. The narcissist then sees us as less than, reinforcing their belief that they are superior.

Reacting to a narcissist never solves anything. In the long run, they feel superior, and we feel worse.

Letting a narcissist think you’re naive, letting them believe they know better, letting them think it was their idea, that you couldn’t have done it or got through it without them, even if you could, stroke their ego, makes them feel superior, especially narcissistic parents the best thing you can do, with narcissistic parents, is let them believe you couldn’t have achieved without them while holding onto your truth, you will often find narcissistic parents don’t like their children doing better than them unless they can take the credit to brag and boast about them, they get their talent from me, they get their looks from me, if it weren’t for me, if I hadn’t done this for them, they wouldn’t be doing what they’re doing now. So when you can not escape a narcissist or needing to find a safe way out, let them think something was their idea.

If you win against a narcissist at a game and you speak up about it in front of others, a narcissist will criticise you, judge you, and claim you were lying or cheating. Narcissistic people want to invalidate that experience for you, to make you feel bad, hopefully getting people to laugh at you, so the narcissist feels better about losing to you. So if you bring something up, claim they taught you everything you know, if it wasn’t for them, stroking the narcissist’s ego, and shut it down at the same time, as they can’t then disrespect you, as they’d be disrespectful of themselves when you’ve just claimed they taught you.

It’s about rubbing the narcissist’s ego the right way, not being cruel, to speak to them on a level they understand so that you don’t set off their insecurities, so they don’t feel a need to punish you.

Learning and understanding how they work, so you can respond in a maner that’s not going to intimidate them, not going to set them off on the spiral of punishing you, not placing fear in them, so they no longer hurt you.

No longer be the victim of the narcissist’s insecurities and remaining in control of the issues they might cause you and the issues within you. Sometimes we like to take credit for our own achievements. No wrong in that; however, if someone is going to react in a negative way to punish you for that, sometimes you have to play the game on a level they understand to avoid falling victim to their insecurities avoiding falling victim to their issues by remaining in control of your own.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

YouTube playlist on Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.

How A Narcissist Steals Your Joy, And Ways To Reclaim Your Happiness.

A narcissist is a thief of joy.

A Narcissist is a con artist, a manipulator, and a thief of other people’s joy, freedom, possessions, mental health, physical health and many more.

A narcissist isn’t just someone with inner confidence within their own abilities or who likes to post selfies and count their likes.

A narcissist is a toxic person, who can one minute be so charming and kind, and the next so hurtful and negative. They lack in Empathy. They do not care for how others feel. They exploit people. They don’t care if they’ve earned something or not. They see what they want. They manipulate, they take, as they feel entitled to do so, they also hold no guilt for the things they do and remove their feelings of shame by passing the blame onto those around them.

Whoever the narcissist was or is within your life, as most of us carry a little self-doubt, a narcissist will take that self-doubt to place you into the fear zone, where we begin to Forget Everything And Run with it due to them downplaying their behaviour, and exaggerating all of ours.

When we are emotional thinkers, and they pull on each and every emotion to use against us, from making us feel Guilty and wanting to please them to fear and conforming to their demands, to anger and Reacting to their toxic ways. Just for them to shift the blame onto us time and time again, leaving us with more self-doubt.

How do they steal happiness?

The straightforward answer is that they manipulate your thoughts.

Self-doubt. Most of us have those nagging little doubts in day to day life, normal, natural and healthy. When it comes to Self-Doubt, you either sit down and avoid altogether and then live with regrets or stand up and do it anyway. A narcissist will train you to question everything about yourself. They do this by Invalidating all your thoughts and feelings. They will put you down using your insecurities against you. Instead of loving, caring and building you up, they take you down, so you doubt your abilities in everything you say or do. They Triangulate you and play you off against others to plant those seeds of self-doubt within your mind about those around you so that the narcissist can divide and conquer and you lose your trust in others.

Emotions. It’s normal to have feelings, yet a narcissist will make you overthink every single thing you think, feel, or believe in. A narcissist will act out in some way, provoke you in some way, or Gaslight you in some way. Then, when you do speak up for yourself, it’ll be you’re too sensitive or insecure, angry, jealous, have trust issues or emotional.

Those who have emotions can be sensitive. Being sensitive isn’t just a passing mood. It’s often vital to who a person is and their values. It usually means you care for others’ feelings. You can overthink before you act or speak. To avoid hurting another’s feelings, you can absorb information and process it. You can be upset easily when people offended you because you’re a caring person. You can become upset easily over others’ hurtful actions towards you.

There is nothing wrong with being sensitive. It’s good to have feelings, and it means you care about yourself and others.

There’s everything wrong with those who use our feelings against us to provoke reactions from us. Someone who loves and cares would try to think first. If they made an error in judgment, they would sympathise, comfort, validate and communicate. They would not use your own feelings against you.

When people do things that hurt you, being sensitive is a perfectly normal reaction. The problem is not you being sensitive. The problem is them not caring about hurting your feelings.

“You’re going to feel sensitive around insensitive people.”

Empathy. A narcissist will use our empathy just like our own emotions against us. They will beg, pled, triangulate, pity play, confuse, or place that much fear into us if we conform to their demands, as we feel bad if we don’t, we feel bad when we do. Yet, we fear what they will do more than we fear our own feelings.

Enough. Most of us question if we indeed are good enough, as we are human, we make mistakes, and we make errors in judgment. We look for ways to be enough often instead of looking to be enough for ourselves. We can try to be enough for others. Often as a narcissist has already planted that self-doubt within our minds that we are not enough, we try harder and harder to please them, never realising at the time we are losing ourselves. The more we try to please them, it is still never enough for them.

Drama. A narcissist will create so much drama within our lives, and it releases cortisol, dopamine and other natural chemicals so that we literally become addicted to the Toxic cycle.

Isolation. Once we have the self-doubt, once our emotions are running on a high, when we no longer feel good enough, surrounded by drama, we become mentally, emotionally and physically drained, our minds left so confused with Cognitive Dissonance we become isolated from friends and family, from any kind of support.

Cognitive Dissonance. Everything that happens within a narcissistic relationship leaves us confused. We live in two different realities, have different values and beliefs running around our heads, living confused about reality, which way to turn and what to do.

Fear. Once we are isolated, full of anxiety and depression from the emotional overload, and left feeling crazy, stupid, living in pain not only within our hearts but also within our minds, from all those silent treatments, walking on eggshells trying to second guess their behaviour, they will fill us with so many fears, fear of being left as we’ve got no one and nothing. With how we feel when they say,” No one will love you.” we believe them. When they say,” Who would believe you? You’re crazy.” we believe them.

How to reclaim your happiness.

The straightforward answer is, make a decision to take control back of your thoughts and work on it each and every day until you succeed, and it’s getting easier, and easier, and easier, then before you know it, the next time something hard hits, and your thoughts just take care of you. Be unapologetically you, learn to think about how you want, believe in what you want, not care what others say or do, and focus on yourself. Who cares if others like you. With good intentions, there is no wrong way or right way to live your life. There is only your way.

We can study and look at the habits of happier people within our world, but most of those studies are done on wealthier people. So you can have a morning routine, you can exercise, you can meditate, you can do yoga, and you can surround yourself with happy people. Yes, this all helps, so long as doing these things actually makes you happy. They say happy and successful people get up at 4. a.m. If that’s what makes you happy, do it. If not, don’t. If you wake between 3. a.m and 6. a.m, try getting up and then going to bed earlier, rather than forcing yourself and fighting against yourself to fall back to sleep. Yes, we can learn from others living how we want to live, yet we have to adapt to what’s right for us.

Decisions. We can all choose, and then we can make excuses to talk ourselves out of that decision. Why? often fear, fear of failure, fear of judgment, fear of pain, fear of what if? And you need to change those what ifs? From what the worst thing that could happen to the best thing that could happen, make a decision, then act on it. Look at a time in your past you made a decision, went for it, and altered your life course.

Fear. Face Everything And Rise again. When dealing with those without empathy, always find a safe way out. Facing the fear of making friends, the anxiety of dating, fear of being you, fear of standing up for yourself, and as you rise, you shake, and your mind takes a seat and forgets everything you were about to say, you’ve got to stand up and do it anyway; others feel the same as you, go for what you want.

Emotions. Taking back control of your feelings, don’t worry if someone else wouldn’t feel as sensitive or as insecure, or if you’re overacting, don’t ask, would someone else think this? Ask why you believe or feel it? It’s as good or as bad as it is to you. Validate your feelings. You are allowed them. Often they are there for a reason. You feel sensitive around those who cause you to feel hurt. You feel insecure around those you can not trust. You feel anxious around those who feed your anxiety.

“Our mind controls our emotions. We control our mind.”

Find your sense of humour. Whatever it is to you, things that have happened are horrific and happened. You can not change the past. You can change your future. When we live feeling sad, we live a sad life. When we live feeling depressed, we live an unhappy life. When we take ownership of our own feelings no matter what others throw our way, when we laugh at thing that is supposed to destroy us, that laughter lifts us. Yes, some horrible things happen in life. That’s life. We get to define the meaning we give to toxic situations internally.

Give yourself some foundations to work from, and most buildings have solid foundations to stand tall. Start building your foundations today, learn your boundaries of things you will and will not accept, learn to say no, look for something you enjoy doing for yourself or things you enjoyed in the past, to give your life meaning, and think about what direction you’d like to go in, you don’t need to know how you’ll get there, just the foundations and the blueprint if that blueprint is a six-month plan or five-year plan. Just create an idea of where you’d like to be. You can always change it, just like getting in that car. If you don’t know where you are going or driving blind, you could end up in a mess. If you type a destination into the sat-nav, you might not know the final destination, but you’ll find the way, and if you spot somewhere more fun along the way, you can change the direction.

Write things down. Start putting your goals on paper, as many as you can, at least five, read the daily, add to them, cross them off once achieved and add more. You are limitless.

The power within your thoughts. Learning to take care and manage your own Thoughts correctly to serve you. Who you are, who you want to be, how you want to live, and where you want to go.

Remember, you’re allowed mistakes. We all make them. We learn to correct them. That’s how we learn and grow.

How narcissists twist the story.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – A life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Overcoming self-doubts.

Emotions.

Eleven Manipulative Mind Games Narcissists Play To Keep Control Over You.

Common Games Narcissistic people play with our minds.

When you are around a narcissistic person, they do all they can to keep control over you. Most of us don’t see this happening until we are so far under their manipulative spell that we have to crawl, stumble, walk and then run out of the situation we have ended up in. A narcissist can be anyone in your life, family members, friends, and in the workplace, no contact is always the best approach, yet this isn’t always possible. Hence, the next best thing is, knowing the mind games they play, understanding why they do this, and that no matter what you try, they will not change their ways. No matter how many times you change yours, often losing your sense of self along the way, you’ll never do right by them, not because of you, because they have a disorder, you’ll never be enough for them, and you don’t need to be, all you ever need to be is good enough for you, find and stay true to your authentic self, let them live how they want to live, leave them to it. You live how you want to live for yourself. No, it’s not easy, but once you start, you begin to realise it is possible, and it is a much better way to live your life. Some are extremely dangerous, and they are all manipulative, so as much as I’m all for consequences, and justice, sometimes the best way to handle these people is to leave them in the past and walk into your future without them, doing whatever it takes to keep yourself safe.

Knowing your boundaries and sticking to them will help you.

Narcissists want control over your life. They want to train you to make all your life choices through them. It’s a battle of wills between you wanting to please them and be you. In contrast, they want control over you, and when we don’t understand what they do, the narcissist often wins. Yet, when we know what’s happening, we have the power to take back control of our lives, our thoughts, and our feelings by being ourselves and giving them no reactions and no attention.

A narcissist wants you to

    To justify all your decisions through them.
    To sabotage you.
  • To fear them.
  • To play you off against others.
  • To isolate you.
  • To punish you.
  • To control your Finances.

Eleven narcissist manipulative mind games.

1. Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse, a tactic the narcissist uses to get the target to lose their exact version of reality. You might have heard phrases such as, “That didn’t happen.” “You imagine things.” “You’re crazy.” And many more from the narcissist.

These phrases disable your Self-Trust, your ability to trust in others, and it slowly distorts your reality, events that did or did not happen, and who you indeed are. With prolonged gaslighting abuse, targets of the narcissist often are left with inner conflict and can potentially end up gaslighting themselves, as gaslighting causes Cognitive Dissonance, within the target’s mind.

How to recover from gaslighting.

Write things down, keep notes of everything you need to until you can see what the narcissist does to you, and then observe their behaviour. Don’t absorb. Don’t look to the narcissist for any reality checks, answers or closure. Listen to your instincts, online support groups or trusted friends.

2. The nonsense conversation of crazy-making.

If you’d like a normal, calm, pleasant conversation or discussion, even a debate, or to come to some form of Compromise with a narcissist, if you don’t know what they are, your Boundaries will be broken, you’ll have no clue as to what actually just happened, although if you question the narcissist, they’ll tell you exactly how to think, as they throw word salad your way and completely mess with your mind. They will gaslight, project, blame-shift, talk over you, shout at you, they’ll do all they can to send you feeling confused and frustrated, distract you from the truth or the actual conversation, and make you feel guilty or to blame. In their minds, if you disagree with them, you are wrong.

How to disarm.

No contact is the best method, don’t fight your enemy, they know all your weaknesses, and they will use them against you. Walk away from any argument. If you can not walk away, focus on something else and don’t let your ears take in their words. Observe. Don’t absorb. If it is about children or anything they disagree on or they, don’t want to compromise on, do not let them take you off-topic. In a calm, rational voice, stick to facts. Only tell them once. If they don’t want to talk about it, that’s their choice. You also have the opportunity not to discuss what they are dragging you into. You don’t have to take part in every argument you are invited to. Retreat, rethink and only respond if needed. Do not break your boundaries, as when they’ve taken down one, and they will come after them all.

3. Projection.

This is the narcissist’s defence mechanism not to take responsibility for their actions, to place their toxic, negative, hurtful and sometimes dangerous actions onto someone else, to avoid accountability and not accept responsibility. They are unwilling and often unable to ever see themselves as the problem. Whatever they do wrong, someone else always makes them do it. They will not acknowledge their faults, flaws or wrongdoings. Instead of admitting or apologising or working on their inner selves, they’d prefer to pass it all over onto someone else. They will blame and shift everything onto other people. The only time they will Apologies is when they believe it will meet a need of their own, and this is often done by blaming the other party. “If you’d have done this, I wouldn’t have done that.” Or ” because you didn’t let me, I had to do it.” They will change the subject to you to avoid any responsibility for their actions.

How to disarm.

Don’t project your good caring, empathetic nature into them, as they will only ever take you further under, and you can not help them. You can help yourself. Don’t listen to their toxic words. Observe. Don’t absorb; they are admitting their wrongdoings with what they are trying to blame you for. The closest you’ll get to the truth from a narcissist is the things they accuse you of or what they are accusing others of. If possible, if you can just cut all ties with them and go no contact.

4. Changing the goalposts and always nitpicking at you.

While there is nothing wrong with constructive criticism, a narcissist will only ever give destructive criticism, sometimes disguised as constructive. Narcissistic people are extremely Jealous and Envious of those around them; they do not want people to better themselves; they want you to fail. They will pull people down, nitpick and scapegoat others. Anything you do well at, they will find a way to take credit for. Or drag you down over it. They will also raise the goalposts. Every time you believe you’ve got it all worked out and life’s right again. They will up the ante. They will make sure by the time they’ve finished with you, you’re an empty shell of your former self, lacking in self-work, self-confidence, and self-respect. Instead of helping you with insecurities and weaknesses, they will rip them all wide open and watch you bleed out. You will bend over backwards to help and please them, and they will continue their hideous manipulation.

How to disarm.

If someone doesn’t want to help bring out the best in you, then they are not worthy of you. Let them go, leave them in the past. Find genuine people who love you for who you are, change your Limiting Beliefs and start to believe in yourself.

5. Overt and Covert Threats.

Due to the narcissist’s false sense of entitlement and that they think they are above all others. They will make unreasonable demands of you, and if you don’t conform, they, through the silent treatment, gaslighting and many more manipulative tactics, will punish you. They will threaten to punish you. Overts are more outspoken. They’ll say things more like. “You’ll lose your home and children, a Covert would say. ” how do you think you’ll manage without me.” All to place fear and doubts in your mind.

How to disarm. Keep a diary of any threats, and call the authorities to build up a picture of the abuse.

6. Name-calling.

They do this to fill you with self-doubt and insecurities and alter your beliefs, opinions and reality. Things like ” are you going to wear that.” The Covert way or “you look fat/ far too thin in that.” The Overts way. Due to their real lack of self-worth and sense of entitlement, they will call you “idiot, stupid, insecure, sensitive.” Anything they can to break you down.

How to disarm. Don’t play the game; remember, it’s a reflection of who they are, not who you are. I’m all for don’t judge others. You’ve not lived their life, yet if someone wants to belittle others, make the judgment that they are toxic, turn your ears off, know yourself so well that others can no longer use you against you, then walk the other way.

7. Lovebomb, devalue, discard, hoover.

At the start, they will Mirror everything about you and come across as your perfect soulmate. Then they will slowly take you down, to just up and leave. When you think you can not take any more, they swoop back in, playing all nice to sweep you off your feet again. This is a pattern they will repeat. At the same time, people who don’t see who they are genuinely allow them to do so.

How to disarm. When you meet someone who’s taking things way too fast and wanting to move in, watch their reactions when you say no. Do they accept it or keep coming at you until you give in. The only way to stop the cycle is to get out and stay out. No contact is the best thing you can do.

8. Smear campaigns and stalking.

When a narcissistic person can no longer control you or control who you are yourself, they will do their best to control how others see you. Through playing the victim or playing the hero, they will go all out to bring you down, they also might stalk you in order to put fear in your mind, and so you’re always living on the edge.

How to disarm. Stay mindful, do not react to their games. This is hard to start. It is human nature to want to defend yourself. By defending yourselves, you are playing straight into their hands. Be prepared when you don’t play their games. They will up their games, call authorities over any stalking issues, check your phone and car for tracking devices, stay alert but keep living your life for you.

9. Appealing to your emotions.

Instead of using any form of logic, they will appeal to your fear, guilt, loyalty, and caring side. A narcissist lacks in emotional Empathy., so they can not feel how someone might feel. Yet, they often have cognitive empathy, meaning that they can think empathetically and use your caring side against you. Whatever the situation requires them to do, it’s always to meet their own need at that time. They will also use over the top pity plays on you. Things like. “My ex cheated on me, and I know how it feels, so I’d never do that to you.” Or. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Then the. “After everything, I’ve done for you, and you’ll not do this one thing for me.”

How to disarm. Listen to your instincts; if something doesn’t feel right, most likely, it’s not. Remove all guilt from your past. Let it go, so it doesn’t eat into your future.

10. Pressure.

“Everyone else is doing it. My ex used to let me. My friend’s partner let them.” “You’re brother/sister would.” Again making you feel guilty or inadequate to get you to break down your boundaries.

How to disarm. Remember, first, the others probably aren’t, and even if they are or did, they are not you. You are entitled to live your life your way, exactly how you want to. You need a million ways to say no, and once you’ve said it, stick to that no. You do not need to explain or even continue the conversation.

11. False compromise.

If they look like they’re going to meet you halfway, think again, so if you pay for a holiday when they say they’ll pay you half, they might not pay at all once paid, or they might offer 25% and justify with something they’ve done for you. Or something you haven’t done as to why they shouldn’t pay anymore.

How to disarm.

Do not loan people money who don’t pay you back. Learn after the first time, don’t give others the benefit of the doubt. People can make a genuine mistake and do so more than once, they will apologise sincerely, and they will have to give and take Abilities within good people.

Stay strong, keep learning, keep working on yourself, keep healing and keep growing.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Advertisement.

Boundaries.

Nine signs of a covert narcissist.

You’re not crazy! What Narcissistic Abuse Does To You.