Eleven Control Tactics Narcissistic People Use Against You.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

A narcissistic persons life is simply all about winning, and win at all costs to others, they simply don’t care for others who get in their way or don’t give in to their demands, they will do their best to control and dominate or stomp out anyone who gets in their way or threatens their existence or false reality. They exploit demean and hurt, parents, partners, children, friends, anyone who gets in their way.

If you’ve been entangled with a narcissist in your life, whoever that narcissist was if you were close at one point you’ll know, especially if it was your parents or a partner, you’re left a shell of your former self, with loss of self-worth, self-trust, self-respect, self-love and left full of anxiety, fears, self doubt and so many more.

Narcissistic people do this to others over a prolonged period of time, slowly and subtly, how do they do this to us?

1. Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse, a tactic the narcissist uses to get the target to lose their own true version of reality, things like. “That didn’t happen.” “You’re imagining things.” “You’re crazy.” And many more.

This disables your own self-trust, ability to trust in others, it slowly distorts your reality, events that did or did not happen and who you truly are. With prolonged gaslighting abuse, victims often are left with inner conflict and can potentially end up gaslighting themselves.

How to recover.

Write things down, keep notes of everything you need to until you can see what the narcissist does to you, then observe their behaviour don’t absorb. Don’t look to the narcissist for any reality checks, answers or closure. Either online support groups or trusted friends.

2. The nonsense conversation of crazy making.

If you’d like a normal, calm pleasant conversation or discussion, even a debate or to come to some form of compromise with a narcissist, if you don’t know what they are, your boundaries will be broken, you’ll have no clue as to what actually just happened, although if you question the narcissist they’ll tell you exactly how to think, as they throw word salad your way and completely mess with your mind. They will gaslight, project, blame-shift, talk over you, shout at you, they’ll do all they can to send you feeling, confused and frustrated, distract you from the truth or the real conversation, and make you feel guilty or to blame. In their minds, if you don’t agree with them, you are wrong.

How to disarm. No contact is the best method, don’t fight your enemy, they know all your weaknesses and they will use them against you, walk away. If you can not, focus on something else and don’t let your ears take in their words, observe don’t absorb, if it about children or anything they don’t agree with. do not go off topic, in a calm rational voice stick to facts, only tell them once, if they don’t want to talk about it, that’s their choice, you also have the choice not to discuss what they are dragging you into, retreat, rethink and only respond if needed. Do not break your boundaries, when they’ve got one, they will come after them all.

3. Projection. This is the narcissist defence mechanism to not take responsibility for their own actions, to place their own toxic negative, hurtful and sometimes dangerous actions onto someone else. To avoid accountability and not accept responsibility. They are unwilling and often unable to ever see themselves as the problem, whatever they do bad, someone else always made them do it. They simply will not acknowledge their own faults, flaws or wrongdoings. Instead of admitting or apologising or working on their inner selves. They’ ed prefer to pass it all over onto someone else. They will blame shift everything onto other people. The only time they will apologise if they believe it will meet a need and is often done by blaming the other party. “If you’d have done this I wouldn’t have done that.” Or ” because you didn’t let me I had to do it.” They will change the subject on you to avoid any responsibility for their own actions.

How to disarm.

Don’t project your good caring empathetic nature into them, they will only ever take you further under, you can not help them, you can help yourself. Don’t listen to their toxic words observe don’t absorb, they are actually admitting their own wrongdoings with what they are trying to blame you for. If possible just cut all ties with them and go no contact.

4. Changing the goalposts and constantly nitpicking at you. Whilst there is nothing wrong with constructive criticism, a narcissist will only ever give destructive criticism, sometimes disguised as constructive. Narcissistic people are extremely jealous and envious of those around them, they do not want people to better themselves, they want you to fail. They will pull people down, nitpick and scapegoat others, anything you do well at, they will find a way to take credit for. Or pull you down over it. They will also raise the goalposts, every time you believe you’ve got it all worked out and life’s good again, they’ll up the ante, they will make sure by the time they’ve finished with you, you’re an empty shell of your former self, lacking in self work, self confidence, self respect. Instead of helping you with insecurities and weaknesses they will rip them all wide open and watch you bleed out. You will bend over backwards to help and please them, and they will continue their hideous manipulation.

How to disarm. If someone doesn’t want to help bring it the best in you, then they are not worthy of you, let them go and find good people who love you for who you are, change your Limiting Beliefs and start to believe in yourself.

5. Overt and Covert threats, due to their false sense of entitlement and believe they are above all others. They will make unreasonable demands of you then they through silent treatment, gaslighting and many more they will punish you if they are not achieved. They will threaten to punish you, Overts are more outspoken. They’ll say things more like. “You’ll lose your home and children a Covert would say. ” how do you think you’ll manage without me.” All to place fear and doubts in your mind.

How to disarm, keep a diary of any threats, call the authorities to build up a picture of the abuse.

6. Name calling, they do this to fill you with self-doubt, insecurities, alter your beliefs, opinions and reality. Things like ” are you really going to wear that.” The Covert way or “you look fat/ far to thin in that.” The Overts way. Due to their true lack of self-worth and sense of entitlement, they will call you “idiot, stupid, insecure, sensitive.” Anything they can to break you down.

How to disarm. Don’t play the game, remember it’s a reflection of who they are, not who you are.

7. Love bomb, devalue, discard, hoover. At the start they will mirror everything about you, come across as your perfect soulmate, then they will slowly take you down, to just up and leave, when you think you can not take any more they swoop back in playing all nice to sweep you off your feet again, this is a pattern they will repeat, whilst people who don’t see who they truly allow them to do so.

How to disarm, when you meet someone who’s taking things way to fast and wanting to move in, watch their reactions when you say no, do they accept it or keep coming at you until you give in. The only way to stops the cycle is to get out and stay out. No contact is the best thing you can do.

8. Smear campaigns and stalking, when a narcissistic person can no longer control you, or control who you are yourself, they will do their best to control how others see you, through playing the victim or playing the hero, they will go all out to bring you down, they also might stalk you in order to put fear in your mind and so you’re constantly living on edge.

How to disarm, stay mindful, do not react to their games, this is hard to start, it is human nature to want to defend yourself, by defending yourselves you are playing straight into their hands. Be prepared when you don’t play their games they will up their games, call authorities over any stalking issues, check your phone and car for tracking devices, stay alert but keep living your life for you.

9. Appealing to your emotions. Instead of using any form of logic they will appeal to your Fear, guilt, loyalty, and caring side. Whatever the situation requires them to meet their own need at that time. They will also use over the top pity plays on you. Things like. “My ex cheated on me, I know how it feels so I’d never do that to you.” Or. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Then the. “After everything, I’ve done for you and you’ll not do this one thing for me.”

How to disarm. Listen to your instincts, if something doesn’t feel right it’s most likely not. Remove all guilt from your past let it go so it doesn’t eat into your future.

10. Pressure. “Everyone else is doing it. My ex used to let me, my friend’s partner lets them.” Again making you feel guilty or inadequate, to get you to break down your boundaries.

How to disarm. Remember first the others probably aren’t and even if they are or did, they are not you, you are entitled to live your life, exactly how you want to, you need a million ways to say no, and once you’ve said it, stick to that no. You do not need to explain or even continue the conversation.

11. False compromise. They look like they’re actually going to meet you half way. Think again, so if pay for a holiday when they say they’ll pay you half, they might not pay at all once paid, or the might offer 25% and justify with something they’ve done for you. Or something you haven’t done as to why they shouldn’t pay any more.

How to disarm, do not loan people money who don’t pay you back, learn after the first time, don’t give others the benefit of the doubt, people can make a genuine mistake and do so more than once, they will apologise sincerely and they will have to give and take Abilities within good people .

stay strong, keep learning, keep working on you, keep healing and keep growing.

Removing Your Limiting Beliefs After Narcissist Abuse.

Overcoming Narcissist Abuse by, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

What are limiting beliefs?

Limiting beliefs are those thoughts we have in our minds, that hold us back, stop us from taking action and doing what we are truly capable of. Things like.

  • I don’t.
  • I Can’t.
  • I’m not.
  • I won’t.
  • I mustn’t.

Whatever you tell yourself with those words in front of you will hold you back in life.

Most people live unaware of limiting beliefs and the effects they have on our own life’s journey.

Why do we have limiting beliefs?

Limiting beliefs come directly from our experiences in life. We act, something happens, and we draw a conclusion. When you’ve been surrounded by one or lots of narcissistic people in your life, you’ll also be programmed subconsciously, subtly and slowly on these limiting beliefs.

If you had a narcissistic parent, you might have been told. “You’re not good enough. You can’t do that. You’re not capable.” And so many more, some of us do manage to not let these thoughts get to us and break free, yet because they’ve been repeatedly heard often with parents actions of not being supportive. For example, if you tried something new and couldn’t do it the first time. Instead of having the support of it’s ok to fail that’s just your first attempt in learning, get up and go again until you achieve. A narcissistic parent might just tell you to quit because you’re not good enough when you keep quitting with the words from your parents re-enforcing you’re limiting beliefs you develop a pattern and by not seeing what you’re truly capable of this re-enforces those limiting beliefs.

If you’ve had a narcissistic partner, who’s lied, cheated, gaslighted and let you down, you can see from the actions they hurt you and you can feel the pain, with their chosen words of. “If you hadn’t I wouldn’t, you’re crazy, you’re insecure, no one will love you, who’d put up with you.” And all the rest, their negative actions towards you and their negative words towards you, subconsciously over time programs your mind into believing the false persona of yourself that someone else is drilling into you.

What’s the effects on you?

So many who’ve been through narcissistic relationships feel deep within themselves that they don’t deserve any better so often accept thing and being treated in a way they should never have been treated.

When the people you associate yourself with brings you inner pain, you might not only get isolated from others because the narcissist is triangulating you But you May cut yourself off from others when you’re repeatedly told. “They don’t like you, they talk about you behind your back, you’re not good enough.” It hurts, it causes emotional pain, then as the people in your life are limited to negative people your subconscious believes everything that’s said, this limits you from taking the action you need.

You need to reprogram your mind and abort and self-doubting limiting beliefs that are in your mind, in order to step out of your comfort zone that’s actually rather unpleasant and uncomfortable, and create new beliefs to step into a much happier, more confident, reaching your potential time and time again future.

  • Every time you hear yourself saying any limiting beliefs, you need to consciously with your own thoughts. Change them.
    • I don’t. Needs to be I do
    • I Can’t. Needs to be I can
    • I’m not. Needs to be I am
    • I won’t. Needs to be I will
    • I mustn’t. Needs to be I must.

    Now there is a flip side sometimes telling yourself I can make it work, with someone who continues to let you down, control and hurt you needs to be I can not make it work. I won’t split you the family, needs to be I must do what’s best for me and any children and move out of the negative toxic environment.

    When you’re telling yourself you can not do something that you really need to do, it not that you can’t, you’ve either not tried, given up after first attempt, or you don’t want to, focus on what you want, tell yourself you can and keep going until you see it.

    We learn faster from painful experience, so if we burn ourselves on an oven, we become more aware not to, after time when the physical pain is a distant memory, we might pay less attention and burn ourselves again, to remind us to be more careful next Time, we don’t just stop cooking. We learn to get up and go again.

    Sometimes when we’ve had an extremely painful past, once we get out we might get comfortable, which keeps us stuck also. We are here to grow, staying stuck in a comfort zone is not fulfilling your dreams, you have a greatness deep within you, you’re a fighter, a survivor and a warrior, sometimes those dark clouds reappear to remind us of how far we have come, to retreat, rethink then get up and go again better than who you were before.

    When making big life decisions our minds might weigh up the cost of failure against success, making us argue against ourselves if success looks like a hard task we might stop ourselves before we start, if it looks like we might fail, we protect ourselves by not risking that failure. Now if you’re relationship is making you unhappy, it’s already failing, you can not make it work in everyone’s best interest with someone who’s not interested in comprising, you have got to put yourself first, learn from mistakes and failure, noting those little successes along the way, so your mind consciously acknowledge them, and keep yourself accountable until you succeed, when you succeed at one thing create another and go all out to succeed at that.

    If where you are now is making you feel unhappy and stuck, you’ve got to change something and when you change one thing you can change everything, “Rome wasn’t built in a day. ” you’ve got to stay accountable and stay consistent and go for the dreams you want for you.

    Stop making excuses, don’t make excuses for another’s abusive behaviour towards you. Take yourself out of the picture and Ask your self. “Who truly deserves to be treated that way. ” if you have a close friend or a child, anyone you truly love and care for would you tell them it’s their fault. Or would you be telling them that no one deserves this treatment and they deserve better?

    Fear and guilt keeps us trapped in situations we shouldn’t be in, fear of being harmed, fear of judgment from others, guilt for not being able to help, guilt for splitting up the family, you’ve got to recognise that emotion and deal with those emotions, then take action, fear is telling you to prepare and stay safe, you’re not safe with someone you fear, so you need to get out safely, fear of the unknown, it’s doesn’t need to be unknown, create a vision, create a new dream and set out to achieve, jumping all hurdles until you do, fear of the effects on the children, children will be more affected growing up in an abusive household than they will be growing up with separated parents. Guilt, you’ve got to do what’s right for you, not those who harm you, let that guilt go.

    Identify your limiting beliefs, pay close attention to how you talk to yourself, write down any limiting belief you have. Beware and note down any moments you judge yourself, doubt yourself and your abilities, then question it and change it. Then change it.

    “I’m not good enough.”

    “Who am I not good enough.”

    ” because my parents told me I wasn’t. ”

    “That’s their perception it’s not mine.”

    “I can not always change others perceptions, I can change my own, which might change theirs, so I am good enough and I will do my all to achieve the life I want and deserve.”

    The more you question your limiting beliefs, the more you will challenge your own mindset, the more you’ll find the answers, the more you’ll see the change from within and then you’ll see achievements you are making.

    I’m not saying it’s easy, it is however possible. Sometimes doing what’s easy makes life hard, and doing what hard makes life easy.

    You have got to be you to become you. You’ve got to be who you truly are not what others tell you to be, you have got to have a deaf ear to all those negative people and work on your own thoughts to work for you.

    When hard things happen, deal with them, learn from them and grow from them to develop you into who you truly want to be and want to become. Don’t ever stop working on you.

  • Dealing With A Narcissist In Court.

    Overcoming Narcissist Abuse By, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

    Not everyone who’s been with a narcissist will get taken to court, however, those narcissists that can use the court system against you, will do at some point, they can leave you alone for years, then suddenly re appear to catch you unawares.

    When you’ve finally got yourself to a good place and you’re making life work for you, then those court papers arrive, it can be devastating, having to go through the past, trying to get your point across to strangers who simply don’t understand the severity of the situation. The court is never a pleasant experience, going up against a narcissist can bring you back to, fear, guilt and self-doubt.

    Why would you end up in court against a narcissist?

    Two factors, either their behaviour results in you need to take them to a court or they take you to court, simply for their need to remain in control and win.

    Most people do their best to behave in a way to avoid any court action being taken, try to find the middle ground and compromise before the court is needed. As a narcissist believes they are right, they’ve done no wrong and they are entitled, also if they believe they are losing control over you, they do whatever they can to sink you.

    Reasons for court action.

    1. Proceedings to do with any children you have together. You might have gone no contact, the children might no longer want to visit, or the might be keeping the children from you.

    2. Criminal Proceedings where the narcissist has committed crimes against you.

    3. Divorce, money matters, child support, splitting of assets.

    A narcissistic person does not like people walking away from them they want to be in control and they will use the court system for your reactions. They want you to be, angry. Worried, scared and upset. They also enjoy the attention they receive from their lawyers. The court is a stage for them, they want all the focus and attention. They are in court to win and win only, they might play the compromised card, this will only be used against you at some point.

    They do not respect the law, or anyone in the courtroom, they might act as they do, but they believe they are above the law and do their best to manipulate everyone in the room.

    They want to, push, provoke and intimidate you, they will want reactions from you. Watch out for them, trying to speak to you, make eye contact with you, belittle you, goad you and do all they can to get a reaction from you.

    What can you do to help your case against them?

    These are steps to help you get control back in your life, if you’re like me you might feel like doing some of these things are mean and uncomfortable, or you’ve turned into a private detective. If you want to live a free life, you have to throw away any doubts, any insecurities and you must do what’s right, if you don’t you’ll pay in the long run.

    1. If your exs behaviour starts to escalate, even if you never called the police before now is the time to start, be open and honest with all questions, it’s hard dragging up things, but you need to get a picture of their pattern of behaviour built up with the authorities, if you already have none molestation orders, protection orders, restraining orders in place, you need to call the authorities every time they break these, you’ll only regret it if you don’t in the future, best to face your feelings head-on, get it done than have regrets down the line. they are relying on your good heart not to.

    If the narcissist takes you to court further down the line, its no longer your word against theirs, you have court issues papers and police reports.

    2. Don’t try to be nice and not put info in the court papers you might need to rely on in future. Put everything in. A narcissist might act like they can play fair, they do not, they are lowering your defences ready to strike, you have to protect you and any children. Your happiness is at stake if you don’t.

    3. When going through protection orders, if you can not afford a solicitor and even if you can contact your local domestic violence unit they will guide you and help you, they also understand you.

    4. Document everything, a narcissist relies upon your word against theirs, they then rely upon twisting everything around and leaving you with self-doubt, keep diaries of things said, try to keep communication via email or messages, try to respond not react, save them all, does not let the narcissist know. Many times they’ve missed visiting the children, keep copies of everything, if they don’t take children to the Doctor if they miss school events. If anything happens to your property, anything gets damaged, even if you don’t know it was them, report it to the police.

    5. It can be extremely hard if the narcissist is telling your children lies and adult things that shouldn’t be said, document it with dates, don’t try to justify yourself to the children, they just get caught in the middle. Instead, let them know, people just think differently and we are all entitled to an opinion, we don’t have to take someone else’s on as our own.

    6. Do not back down in a divorce, you have one chance, do what’s right for you, the narcissists will not think or act fairy.

    7. Do not give the narcissist the benefit of the doubt, do not fall for any charm tactics they might play, if they have narcissistic traits, they are not playing nice to be fair, they are doing it to bring your fairs down then pounce and win, they don’t want compromises they want to win, remember they don’t think how we do, they are not interested in that middle ground, they don’t care only for themselves. Give them the benefit of the doubt and they will take everything from you.

    8. Don’t fear the treats that they are going to take your home and children from you. They just want to intimidate you, focus on the outcome you want, vision getting justice, vision and dream of it going exactly how it should.

    9. Do not lose it in front of the judge, this is why the narcissist is intimidating you and playing these games. What they do is unfair and unjustified. You have to stay as businesslike as possible to the judge and in court, remain calm. ( you can let all the emotions out afterwards.) you need to be in Control of your mind and your emotions in court. Stick to facts especially those you have evidence for.

    10. Arrive at court early, if you can secure a separate waiting room do so, this gives you a great barrier between the narcissist and yourself. Most will try to talk to you make eye contact with you, smile, smirk or wink at you, to provoke you before you even enter the courtroom, to intimidate you and put you on edge, or play nice so you doubt yourself again. Arriving early allows you to compose yourself and prepare.

    11. Don’t expect others to see their manipulation, remember how long it took you to see it and understand it, don’t diagnose in court. The court is interested in facts.

    12. If possible try and have someone sitting between you in court, DO NOT make eye contact with the narcissist, ignoring them will criticise them, direct all your answers to the judge, not to the narcissist or their solicitor. You’ll feel calmer taking to the judge and this will infuriate the narcissist.

    13. Do not challenge any questions, answer them and stick to the facts and the point, do not go off topic.

    14. If the narcissist brings people with them, they are the narcissists flying monkeys and enablers, do not engage with them, this is hard but you must remember they have been brainwashed by the narcissist and are there to help the narcissist.

    15. Refresh your mind on the manipulation tactics they use before you go, so you know what they are trying to do.

    16. When leaving the court, make sure the narcissist has already left, do not post anything on social media, or let people know who will inform the narcissist, they hate not being in control of others lives.

    17. Do this and you will give them enough rope to hang themselves. The narcissist might be painting you in a bad light, if you remain calm, Show no evidence of this, ignore the narcissist. ( you are not required to answer directly to them.) you are required to answer, do so with truth, facts and evidence and do so directly to the judge. No one can throw a bigger tantrum than a narcissist who’s not getting attention and losing the control of those around them, stick to this, their mask will slip and they will show their true selves to the court.

    18. Do not doubt yourself, do not feel mean, no one deserves to be treated how a narcissist treats you, if you have doubts remember all you have done for them, all the things you have forgiven them for, remember how badly they have treated you. No self doubt you’ve got to take the necessary action for the best interest of yourself and any children.

    You can and you will get the results you need.

    The Narcissists Enablers.

    Overcoming Narcissist Abuse by, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.

    What is a narcissist enabler?

    Enablers are people who defend the narcissist, support the narcissist, help the narcissist, a person the narcissist recruits to their side. They might not always agree with or defend the narcissist, yet they put up with their behaviour or stick up for them and even bail them out. Enablers don’t usually have a malicious motive, they often genuinely think they are doing the right thing. Or keeping the peace. They often believe they are helping the narcissist when in reality they are enabling the narcissist to do their worst.

    The narcissist basically throws one of their temper tantrums, and enablers give in, the narcissist learns they can keep power and control over others. When people forgive them in anything that they do a narcissist learns they can keep doing it. And when people stand up to a narcissist and stop accepting their bad behaviour, they throw even bigger tantrums as they believe they are above all others and should be allowed to behave as they please, regardless to the affects it has on those around them as they don’t have the empathy to care, or put themselves in another’s shoe to understand how it makes someone else feel, they only care about themselves and getting their needs met.

    When a narcissist never receives any consequences, they believe they can continue to do as they please.

    Unfortunately most of us that have been entangled with a narcissist have at some point been an enabler. Mostly Because narcissism is still a very hidden personality disorder from society. Although the good news is awareness is growing daily. As you are all too aware, through not knowing reality, for seeing the good in others and believing their pity plays, for wanting to help others, to becoming so weak and so scared of them, most of us have enabled them at some point during the relationship. Wether that was a parent, friend, coworker, siblings or partner.

    A narcissist enabler is someone, who doesn’t have the life skills, the awareness, or the power within themselves (often because the narcissist has stripped all reality from them.) to escape so goes into the natural human survival mode of fawn, meaning they cope by just giving the narcissist what they want.

    You have the strength and greatness within you to break free and live a happy life, you can do it, those who have be proud your amazing it’s not easy but as you know it’s worth it.

    When you don’t know about narcissism it’s invisible to you, therefore you do what you believe is right at that time. Once out, you become to realise the narcissists friends, family and new partner can not even see it or understand it, and to be fair those who have escaped them, did not see it for a long time, therefore we can not judge those close to the narcissist who either can not see it or refuse to see it.

    On the outside most narcissistic people can talk the talk, they can project, blame shift and gaslight their way out of so many situations, sometimes with help from those who don’t understand what’s happening to them.

    They come to you wrapped beautifully promise you all your dreams, yet on the inside they are fundamentally broken and can only deliver a living nightmare.

    They are a bully who shines in all the glory and are all too often allowed to roam freely invisible to who they truly are to those around them.

    Some friends and family might never criticise the narcissist so the narcissist never shows their true colours.

    A narcissist will control, punish and win.

    Whilst the narcissist gets away with this others don’t see, as they control so subtly and manipulatively those around often don’t see what truly happening and usually believe they are to blame for the narcissists behaviour, when they punish through silent treatment and other manipulation, they weaken the targets defence system, often the target gives in and the narcissist wins for the cycle to repeat.

    It’s all good while the narcissist is winning and keeping control, only as you already know if you’ve been around a narcissist it has a detrimental affect to your mental, emotional, physical and financial health.

    Being an enabler can make you powerless to the narcissists, which is shocking as with your caring quality’s in truth you are much stronger than the narcissist.

    If the narcissists enabler is the partner, they live in a world of loneliness, hazy memories, feeling crazy, physical illness and powerless. The enabler lives in a world of turmoil with devastating emotions that are heightened the longer they are around the narcissist. Guilt, shame, paranoia, depression, anger, frustration and fear to name a few.

    An enabler supports the narcissists false reality by.

    • Accepting the narcissist version of reality.
    • Not questioning the narcissist through self doubt or fear the narcissist has instilled.
    • Not being able to stand up for themselves.
    • Hiding, or cleaning up after the narcissists destruction.
    • Acting as an apologist for the narcissists behaviour.

    A narcissists enabler can be a parent, a child, a partner, a friend, a coworker, a sibling, people become enablers for different reasons, often a narcissist will brain wash people to not take care of themselves and put all the narcissists needs first, self doubt, fear, to just not knowing reality. Most become enablers over time without realising what’s happening to them, partners are brainwashed into believing.

    • I’ve made them act this way.
    • If I’d compromise more.
    • If I’d trust more.
    • If I wasn’t sensitive, insecure, needy, demanding.
    • They love us deep down.
    • They didn’t mean to do it.
    • Relationships have there ups and downs.
    • If I was a better person.
    • I need to stop being hurt and angry and become more loving.

    And so many more.

    Enablers might have grown up with narcissistic parents so they believe their partners behaviour is normal and accept things as normal that they should never have accepted. Parents of narcissists and partners might also believe within them self’s they are the only ones who truly understand the narcissist and can help them. You can not help them, you can help you.

    Even when partners wake from the brainwashing trance the narcissist put them under they stay, believing their is no way out. There is always a way out.

    • Having no self confidence or self worth.
    • Isolated from friends and family.
    • No financial resources.
    • Threats to take the home and the children.

    Others have faced these fears and safely got out and rebuilt their lives into a much happier and calmer way to live.

    Take those baby steps and you can and you will get out, not only will you get out you will recover and heal.

    What can you do if you’re still with a narcissist? Safely get out, yes if someone treats you badly you don’t have to stay just because it’s your, husband, wife, brother, sister or parent. Staying is only confirming to the narcissist they can treat you as badly as they want and you’ll put up with it.

    There is guilt surrounding walking away from narcissists, narcissist are energy draining vampires that will suck you’re life away from you, they only take and take more and more from you, they are not you’re problem. You can not help them you can only help you. Feel the guilt, understanding that you might not like it, know it needs to be done, guilt will eat you up, you need to let it go, releasing the guilt release so much, let it go.

    If you’re out and Their enablers are covering for them, understand their enablers are not the problem and don’t understand the situation they are in, remove them from your life, block and delete on all forms of contact not only the narcissist but also their enablers.

    With guilt you’ve got to realise, yes that’s not who you are, or want to be, yet it’s a must for your own sanity and you’ve got to let that guilt go.

    being your focus into the present, leave the past behind, hold your head high and build on new dreams for you. You can and you will. Believe in yourself.