The Narcissist’s Bread Crumbing.

Narcissist believe they are entitled to have whatever they want whenever they want it they are the selfish hypocrite to a narcissist it’s one rule for you. A completely different one for them and they are happy to exploit people to get their own needs met.

Breadcrumbing by a narcissist is to throw you a little glimpse of hope, to keep you interested in them, often just as you’ve had enough they’ll throw you just enough crumbs that requires as little effort as possible on their part to give you the feeling that this time it will all work out ok, to stop you walking away, because they still have a need for you, not because the narcissist cares for you.

Breadcrumbing is the narcissist’s way of sending you false signals of hope, irregular messages to keep you intrigued and thinking if you hold on just a little bit longer, it will all be ok after all the narcissist told you it would all be ok, that they would never hurt you, lie to you, not to worry and everything will be fine, and they care about you right? Wrong, they lack the empathy to care. However, our trust within their gaslighting words leads us to lose our faith within our instincts.

With a narcissist’s things are not as straight forward as they promise something, don’t deliver, we see them for who they are, and we walk, that would be too easy, with a narcissist, they love bomb, idealise, devalue, intimidate and isolate, so we become confused as to whether they’re our hero or our worst nightmare, however, because they promise us something, then don’t deliver. Yet, within that none delivery, they either blame us for why they didn’t, ”if only you hadn’t.” and as we hold ourselves accountable, we question ourselves and not them, or they make us feel guilty for bringing a broken promise up. They come at us with things such as “It’s not all about you, why are you so selfish? After all, I’ve done for you.” We begin to question ourselves more than we do them. Yet, just as we have finally had enough of false promises and lies, they bring on their admiration face, and play nice, offering us those crumbs of hope, that if we just hold on a little longer, for it to cycle back around again.

Narcissistic people rely upon our trust, our hope, our empathy, our beliefs, our compassion, our ability to care, our willingness to help, our availability to be supportive, and our need to forgive.

Narcissistic people love bomb, to influence us into feelings of Unitedness, understanding and commitment.

Narcissistic people emotionally blackmail to guilt us into feelings of obligation towards them.

They gaslight to distort our reality, so we lose touch of what’s truly happening, they mirror us, so it feels like they understand us better than we understand ourselves. Some narcissistic people will say “I know you better than you know yourself.”

They idealise us, they find out, or passions, hopes, hobbies and dreams, and they sell them back to us because they’re envious of something we have, so they’ll exploit who we are to achieve what they want, why they rarely deliver, as they only deliver on things they want, or just enough to give us hope.

They sell us an illusion, not only of who they are, of who we are, of our past of our present and our future, causing that confusion within our minds of cognitive dissonance, when we are living two or more reality’s, or beliefs, due to the narcissist’s gaslighting.

They exploit, they lie about what they want, who they are, who we are, they exaggerate their abilities, to take advantage and further their control.

They use our hopes and dreams to cheat us out of them. They crumb with those future fakes to get their needs met in the present.

They can promise to take you out, to claim you’re the reason they didn’t take you out, then you feel gratitude when they do finally take you out.

Narcissistic people feel entitled, so they shame, others into believing they’re not enough, so we don’t understand our own worth, they offer those glimpses of hope with the false compromise, they raise our expectations, then lower our standards, and blame us for doing so. Those gaslighting words of “Why do you have to spoil everything, if only you, I never said that.”

They will shower, us with attention, affection and support when they want something from us. They withhold attention, affection and support, neglecting our, emotional and physical needs, they will ignore, humiliate, blame-shift, be unsupportive. They will provoke to bait us into reacting to them, so we apologise to them for the things they did to us, as we accept the crumbs of affection when we please them, and the blame when they ignore us, those breadcrumbs give us hope.

They do something nice, not because they care, it’s to keep us hooked, and they expect eternal gratitude for the things they do for us. However they forget all we do for them, narcissists rarely give, or rarely help, unless it’s in their best interest.

They hold so many grudges about others, as they believe anything wrong in their life is down to the other person, and no matter what anyone does for them due to their envy a narcissist always wants more.

Narcissists raise your expectations with future faking and false promises, then lower your standards with breadcrumbs.

Radical acceptance of who they are and what you’ve lived through, being responsible for your own behaviour and passing responsibility back to the rightful owner for theirs ( not directly, just within your mind.) stay in your reality, journaling as the fog from all the narcissists gaslighting lifts.

Limited contact and grey rock, or no contact to help you heal.

Raising your standards of behaviour and treatment you will and will not accept from others while lowering your expectations, so their behaviour doesn’t frustrate you, learning who they are over time through their actions.

Leaning your values, beliefs, and boundaries will all help recovery.

The narcissist’s baiting.

Boundaries.

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The narcissists counter-parenting.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

 

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