10 Behaviours Of Narcissism, Red Flags Of A Narcissist.

Someone’s narcissistic partner is someone else’s narcissistic parent, boss, coworker, parent, friend or child. Narcissists only change their manipulation depending on who they are around. They do not change out of the disorder. It’s who they are. There are many signs someone in our life is toxic; however, as they’re also manipulative, they often gaslight our reality, so we don’t see these signs. In hindsight, red flags are wonderful full things; however, when we don’t have an awareness of what these red flags are, we don’t know what we don’t know, so we don’t understand what these signs are. Here are ten signs of a toxic narcissistic person within your life.

1. They are Hypocritical.

Narcissists can be some of the most hypocritical people you could ever meet. Common rules just don’t seem to apply to them; however, those same rules will apply to those around them. The whole do as I say and not as I do, what’s yours is mine and what’s mines my own. Narcissists tend to be incredibly self-entitled people who believe they can have what they want. When they want with whoever they want, they often have a grandiose belief that they are superior so deserve to do as they please without consequences for their actions.

One of the most confusing things about a narcissist is they don’t treat you badly all of the time.

A Narcissist will happily take your money but very unwilling to part with their.

Narcissistic parents don’t purchase things for their children out of the willingness to care for the children they created. They purchase things for their children to use those very items against their own children.

A Narcissist that will happily spend money on you, will then happily use that against you. “What about when I.” To get you to do something you’d prefer not to do. They’ll purchase a mattress for your bed. Then when move straight in with someone new, all cosy in the new supply’s bed. They’ll want that mattress back off you.

If you know how to cut hair, they’ll expect you to cut hair, yet if they know how to cook your favourite meal, they’ll not cook it, unless they want something in return from you, and you’ll usually have to do the return favour first, while they forget they ever promised to do anything for you.

A Narcissist will happily use your stuff, often claiming it’s theirs, but not be forthcoming in loaning theirs, or returning yours. You’ll have to chase them for that. If they do return, it’s often damaged in some way.

As narcissistic people are more than capable of treating you so well when they want something from you, when the narcissist seeks to punish you, as you don’t recognise you’re being emotionally abused, often you’re the one left, blaming, questioning and doubting yourself and not their mistreatment of you.

2. They create competition.

As narcissistic people can be some of the most envious people you could ever meet, they’re usually laying the bait to create some form of competition for themselves to win at the expense of those around them because they often lack the empathy to care for who they hurt.

A narcissist will create competition between themselves and others. They’ll purchase a new car just to say, “I bet sams doesn’t have this feature.” to feel better about themselves.

A young grandchild can innocently ask, “how come you only have one car.” because that child’s parents have two, for the narcissist to respond, “at least I have five bedrooms and not two.”

A narcissist will create competition between others so they can stand back and watch the show.

A narcissist will create competition between others “sam would do it for me.” to get people to compete for the narcissist’s attention.

Whatever competition they create, a narcissist creates to win.

Narcissists aren’t competitive to become better than they were yesterday, growing confidence. They are competitive where they seek to pull others down to feel or look better themselves, the narcissist’s arrogance.

3. They are Controlling.

Narcissists seek many ways to control others.

They monitor your outings, accuses you of things you haven’t done, cause arguments before you go out, or arguments when you get back, so you no longer want to bother going out or doing things for you, keeping you busy, so you don’t have time for your own hobbies. Play you off against friends and family, putting you in the middle and making you choose, often lying about what friends and family have said about you.

They control your money. Either not working and using yours, or letting you believe it’s a good idea for you not to work then them not giving you enough, yet not allowing you back into work.

They will guilt trip you, triangulate you, shame you, and pity play to get you to break down your boundaries and do things you don’t want to or wouldn’t normally do.

They will damage property, from punching doors to smashing items up.

They can never let you have the last word, even if that means them sulking off and giving you the silent treatment.

They invalidate you, call you names, call you crazy, insecure, sensitive, put you down in obvious overt ways. “You look fat in that.” or covert means. “Are you really going to wear that?”

They use anger to intimidate you or silent treatment into punishing you if you don’t give them what they want.

They don’t compromise. They always have to be right, always claiming that they know what’s best for you.

4. They shame you.

Narcissists exploit others to meet a need of their own. They might judge you, criticise you, shame you, blame you. They’ll claim it’s all your fault. “What would you do without me.”to leave you feeling like you’re not enough.

5. They guilt trip.

A narcissist might lack empathy for you. However, they know how to use your compassion against you. “If you loved me, you would.” what about me.” “After all, I’ve done for you.” to get you to do something for them, however, as they are extremely hypocritical people. If you say to them after all, I’ve done, as they’ve usually trained you to bend over backwards to help them, while they do very little for you. They will throw it all back in your face. They can use it on you. You can not use it on them, the narcissist’s hypocrisy shining through.

6. Vulnerability.

A narcissist will happily play the victim to exploit your compassion to meet their needs. They might come across as really open and honest with you when what they’re truly doing is using your empathy against you. You might feel comfortable being vulnerable with them initially, as a narcissist wants to get to know all about you so that they can use your vulnerabilities against you later down the line. However, once they have you, you can no longer be vulnerable with them. Now it’s a case of “you’re too sensitive.” “you’re overreacting.” “it wasn’t that bad.” try to share your news, good or bad, due to their competitiveness, seeking that external validation which at times we all can, seeking that attention, a narcissists bad news will be far worse than yours, their good news, far better than yours, they just can’t seem to be happy for you. It’s never about a two-way conversation to show they understand you. It’s to bring the attention back onto themselves.

7. Require attention.

Narcissists often require excessive attention if they can not get this attention through adoration and praise. If a narcissist doesn’t want to go all out throwing you the best party ever, expecting eternal recognition and praise, they’ll go all out to destroy a party for you while blaming you. If you call them out, they’ll come at you with things like. “Oh, I knew it would be my fault. I forgot you were perfect.”

8. Not listen to you.

If a narcissist isn’t interested, doesn’t have something to gain, they’ll happily ignore you. If they don’t want to answer a question, they’ll stonewall you, a narcissist will withhold attention, affection and support to punish you for things you haven’t even done, and a narcissist will go all out to gaslight you into doubting and blaming yourself, working harder to please them, not recognising what they’re doing to you.

Narcissists lack empathy, so when they fall silent on you, and you go and beg and plead with them, they get a twisted kick out of it. They enjoy the attention. They feel like they matter; however, your feelings do not matter to them.

9. Ignore healthy boundaries.

No one throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist whose losing control over someone else mind, who is not getting their own way, who is getting shown facts and evidence of something they definitely did do.

A narcissist will ignore healthy boundaries. The more you try to say no to them, the more they up their games to get what they want from you. They don’t accept you’re no. They see it as a challenge to win. They’re going to start creating things, so they can start winning.

10. Nothing is ever their fault.

Narcissists will not be blamed. To them, it’s not their problem, it’s not their fault, they didn’t do it, they don’t say sorry because narcissistic people often believe other people made them do the hurtful things they do, they don’t take responsibility, they refuse to be held accountable, and they try to pass any consequences off onto those around them by blaming those around them.

As narcissists will not be held accountable for their behaviour, they don’t change their behaviour. They just learn new ways to manipulate to get away with their behaviour.

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16 Red Flags Of A Narcissist’s Double Standards.

As narcissists are the masters of the self-entitled hypocrites, they often honestly believe it’s one rule for them and a completely different rule that suits the narcissist for those around the narcissist.

Narcissists unfairly expect others to follow their rules while they fail to follow their own rules. Often finding logical fallacies to justify their behaviour, or lying and denying their behaviour, while bringing up something you might not have even done, to get you to defend and explain yourself to them, so they don’t have to explain themselves to you, the narcissists whataboutism. When the narcissist claims “what about.” yet when you bring up something they actually did, the narcissist will fire back. “Oh, I knew you’d blame me. You’re never wrong, are you.” again to get you on the defensive while the narcissist plays the victim.

Narcissists are incredibly self-entitled, always putting their own needs first while they project, accuse you of being selfish, stubborn and awkward, accuse you of making it all about you to deflect that they think it should all be about them.

A narcissist is a hypocrite. They’ll put on whatever face they need to exploit another, their admiration face to lull people into a false sense of security, or their victim face to exploit peoples compassion, their hero face to gain adoration and their envious face to make others feel bad for having something the narcissists doesn’t.

Here are 15 signs of the narcissists double standards.

1. Wanting things fast, taking things slow.

Anything a narcissist wants they want doing yesterday, their grandiose sense of entitlement often means they lack patience. They expect to be served first. If they want to go somewhere, you need to be ready. If they need a roof over their head, they’re stopping over and never leaving before you know it, they’ve moved in. Yet if they promise you something in the future to get their needs met in the present, you’re expected to wait patiently if they promise to look into buying a home together, yet they already have one with someone you know nothing about. It’ll always be a tomorrow away as they come up with some justification to stall you. “When I get this pay rise, when you get that job.” and as rational people can say these things and mean these things, rational people can show compassion and understanding, when others say them, not realising that when a narcissist says these things, they’re exploiting.

2. Breaks agreements, demands action.

A narcissist will happily arrange to do something with you. Usually, their false promises to get their needs met by you in the present moment, once their need has been met, they’re no longer interested in the promise they once made to you suddenly it’s a case of gaslighting as the narcissist comes at you with, “ I never said that.” “you’re imagining things.” or “if you hadn’t.” to justify why they’ve broken a promise by blaming you, to get you to question your reality and not the reality they’re creating for you. Yet they expect you to drop everything and serve them as and when they need serving, and if you don’t, they’ll try to guilt-trip you with. “After all, I’ve done for you.” “if you loved me, you would.” as a narcissist doesn’t respect your no, they expect compliance.

3. No one can accuse them, happy to accuse others.

No matter what goes wrong in a narcissists life, whatever they haven’t got, whatever they’ve done to another, to a narcissist, it’s never their fault. It’s always someone else wrongdoing as the narcissist looks for a scapegoat, “if it wasn’t for them. Some people have all the luck, if only you hadn’t.”

When around those who don’t think they do any wrong, they’re going to be looking for someone else to take the fall, yet if you let a narcissist know if they hadn’t lied to you, they’ll still blame you. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d act like this.”

A narcissist will happily point out others flaws, weaknesses, mistakes, wrongdoing. Still, they’ll be hell to pay if anyone points out any of theirs, from the narcissistic rage to the narcissist’s silence.

4. They can humiliate you, While you’re not allowed to call them out.

A narcissist will happily shame, blame, criticise, ridicule, mock you, any insecurity you have any vulnerability, any weakness they’ll use against you to hurt you, in the home or in public, yet if you innocently ask them about something you didn’t know they lied about, they will insult you, blame you, shame you, rage out at you or fall silent on you.

5. It’s ok for them to react to you, you’re not allowed to react to them.

A narcissist is allowed to react. You can just have a simple conversation that they don’t want, just asking a narcissist if they’re ok can set them off the wrong way, and they’ll find a way to blame you for it. “You know what I’m like. You should know when to leave me alone. Yet when you’re confused, hurt, upset, emotional and react to them, because they’re provoking you, humiliating you, not communicating with you, they’ll suddenly be all happy, stand back like nothings wrong and ask “what’s wrong with you.” “what’s your problem.” “ you’ve got mental issues. As they believe they’re allowed to fall silent on you, rage out at you, yet you’re not allowed to shut down on them, not allowed to get emotional around them.

6. They can be vulnerable with you, You can not be vulnerable with them.

A narcissist is more than capable of acting all vulnerable to you, playing on the woe is me to exploit your compassion, gain sympathetic attention, telling you what they did to others while making out others did to them, to gain you onside to get you to dislike another, to become an enable in the narcissist’s abuse of another when the narcissist smears someone’s name to you, they gain sympathetic attention to exploit both of you.

In the beginning, they can give you a little too much information, and they can ask too much, influencing you to open up to them.

Yet once in a relationship, they’ll no longer be interested in your feeling, they’ll expect you to be interested in theirs while they downplay yours, they’ll expect you to be supportive of them, while they’re no longer supportive of you.

They will point out their bad day, what’s going wrong for them, who is against them, and expect you to pick up pieces for them, yet when you try to discuss yours, they’ll play it down “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad, guess what happened to me.” or “do you think you are overreacting when this happened to me.” as they turn the conversation back onto themselves so your feelings never get heard. If you try to continue, the narcissist might say, “its always about you.” as they project what they’re doing to you, making it all about them onto you, so you feel like you’re not listening to them, when they’re the ones not listening to you.

A narcissist will happily dump all their feelings onto you. Then when you try to explain yours, they’ll accuse you of overreacting, being too sensitive.

7. They expect to be able to do to you,What you shouldn’t do to them.

A narcissist will happily be secretive leave out information. When you call them out, they’ll claim, “I already told you, how can you of all people not remember.” or they’ll tell you where they are going just leave out who with, you might get to a point where you avoid telling them as they sabotage you doing the things you enjoy, invalidate friendships. when they find out you’ve not told them they’ll never trust you again, but they expect you to trust them. You can tell them what you’re doing, and they’ll claim “you never told me.” so you feel narcissistic when you say. “I did, can you not remember.” knowing you can say these things makes you doubt yourself all the more when they say them to you.

When a narcissist accuses you of doing something you’re not, that’s a big red flag.

8. They expect you to do for them, What they’re unwilling to do for you.

A narcissist expects you to share information with them that they’re unwilling to share with you, they’ll expect to know all about your finances, yet when you need to know about theirs, they’ll not tell you. “What do you need that for.” they’ll want to know where you are, but you’re not allowed to know where they are, they expect you to drive around after them, but they’re unwilling to drive around after you, you must drop everything for them, but they’ll not drop anything for you unless there is something in it for them.

9. Betray your confidence while expecting you to respect theirs.

A narcissist expects you to keep their secrets, not share what they tell you, yet they will happily use against you what you tell them in confidence against you, claiming “I didn’t know you didn’t want them to know.” or “what if your friend new about.”

You might not break a narcissists confidence, yet they’ll never trust you. A narcissist will happily break yours then expect you to get over it.

10. Expects you to forgive them, will not forgive you.

A narcissist will blame you for any and all of their wrongdoings, and they’ll expect your forgiveness. Yet they’ll not forgive you for the things they did to you, and they seek to continue to punish you. The more you forgive a narcissist the worse their behaviour gets.

11. They’re never wrong, you’re always wrong.

No matter what a narcissist does wrong, it’s never their fault. They will lie, deny, shame, blame, anything other than admit fault, as nothing is ever their fault, they’re always going to be looking for a scapegoat to blame, not only are they looking to blame you, they’re looking for you to make it up to them for the very things they’re doing to you.

12. They will not apologise to you, Yet they demand you apologise to them.

As a narcissist doesn’t think they’re in the wrong, they often see no reason to apologise. If they see they’ve done something to you, they often find a reason to blame you so that the narcissist can remove any feelings of shame. Therefore if you’re unlucky enough to get an apology of one, it’s going to be “I’m sorry you, I’m sorry if, I’m sorry but.” as they twist everything onto you, they don’t recognise themselves as doing wrong, they don’t feel remorseful, and they don’t wish to repair the damage their behaviour caused. Instead, they want you to make it up to them for making them hurt you.

Some narcissists will pass the blame over to you by stating, “I’m sorry you know what I’m like.” and they will expect you to apologise to them for what they’re doing to you.

13. They will not change, but they expect you to change.

Narcissistic people are very reluctant to change. “You know what I’m like.” They’ll change their partners, their friends, their lies, their manipulation. They change into the person they’re exploiting to sell them an illusion of who the person would like them to be. They don’t change for the better. often, the more we try to help them, the worse their mistreatment of us gets. Yet they’ll expect you to change, stop going out with your friends, stop seeing your family, stop your hobbies, no longer have an opinion unless it matches the narcissists. Walk on eggshells to serve them because they don’t think they should serve you, no give and take with a narcissist. Narcissists only give so they can take.

14. They can have an opinion, you can’t.

Narcissistic people can have an opinion, and you must agree, if it’s controversial, if they’re putting someone else down, if you speak up, if you voice an opinion that differs from theirs, even if it’s just another perspective, a narcissist will come at you with. “I knew you’d take their side.” “You never agree with me.” They might then sulk. They might ask a question you think it’s about having a two-way conversation, to reach a mutual understanding, agree to disagree, yet a narcissist will twist your words and say, “See, I knew I was right, so you agree. “

15. They can treat you like a stranger, you have to abide by them.

A narcissist will treat you very differently in the home to how they treat you outside the home. They can treat others with kindness and compassion, often leaving you questioning if it’s something you’ve done, it’s nothing you’ve done, it’s who they are. Narcissists manipulate others to get their needs met, often because you can feel uncomfortable in the home and begin to act differently around different people, to which a narcissist will then accuse you of being nicer to others than you are to them, the narcissist’s projection, leaving you to doubt and question yourself and not what they’re doing to you. A narcissist expects you to drop your friends and family for them, yet they’ll drop you for a complete stranger.

16. They can race ahead of you, but you must wait for them.

A narcissist will happily steam ahead of you. Some take it to the next level and hide from you, then stand watching you looking for them. When they suddenly reappear, the narcissist will have a go at you for losing sight of them, mock you, “keep up slowcoach.” “Wow, if this were something you wanted to do, you’d race ahead.” And when it is something you’d like to do, if you want to stop and look at something, they’ll move on. If you want to get somewhere, they’ll slow down, with those gaslighting phrases of “what’s the rush.” So again, you’re left questioning yourself and not them. They always have to be two steps ahead of you in whatever you do so that they can keep control over you.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

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The Narcissists Silent Treatment.

“A narcissist’s silent treatment isn’t because you hurt their feelings. It’s manipulation to cause you psychological pain so they can further their control over you.”

The silent treatment is another form of psychological manipulation the narcissist uses against others. It is another form of emotional abuse to keep power and control over you, to avoid taking accountability for something they have done, avoid responsibility for their own actions. To maintain their dominance over you. It’s used to punish you for something you have or haven’t done. They believe you are beneath them, and they want to do it, so you conform to their demands.

The silent treatment can last for hours, days, weeks or months. Some people do this because they are genuinely hurt and unable to speak. When they do feel able to talk, it’ll be a two-way conversation. A narcissist uses the silent treatment to punish you. They want you to conform, and there is no give and take.

The silent treatment makes us feel invalidated, powerless, invisible, confused, intimidated, guilty, angry, frustrated, hurt, lonely, depressed, anxious and insignificant.

What silent treatment does to us?

1. The silent treatment hurts the brain, as it triggers pain pathways. Emotions triggered by the silent treatment engages the same part of the brain as physical pain does. The silent treatment hurts. Psychological, emotional pain hurts more than physical pain. If you try to remember the pain when you broke a bone or burnt yourself, any physical pain you have suffered, you know it hurt at that time. Yet, you can not remember the pain, thinking about memories of emotional distress, it hurts until we heal it, and that takes time and work from us, when we connect our emotions to a memory, whenever we think of that memory, it brings us back to whatever feeling we felt at that time.

Sometimes we have to change the meaning to memory, so the memory no longer has a hold over our feelings.

2. We love company, and we are designed to communicate with others. They know how cutting you off hurts deep, as one, of many narcissist’s worst fears is to be ignored, why many want you to chase them when they fall silent on you, however, we should respect their boundary of silence and leave them until they’re willing to communicate with us, yet this can criticise the narcissists need for excessive attention, why you can not win with a narcissist, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

3. It damages our brain. Your short term memory and decision making skills are lowered as it temporarily shrinks your hippocampus, the part of the brain that houses our thought process and grows our amygdala, the part that houses our emotions. With long term abuse, these might stay shrunk and enlarged. Until you get out and start working on yourself, these can be healed.

4. We want to belong, so it hurts, especially when those who are supposed to love and care no longer wish to know Or speak to us.

5. We blame ourselves and look for reasons for what we have done to cause it, blame ourselves and apologise. Make excuses for their behaviour.

The worst thing about excuses is within our minds. They are extremely valid.

6. We can become angry and aggressive, so they do it so when we then act out in anger, they blame us for the problems, with their projection and blame-Shifting.

7. We become addicted, as they can play nice when you up your game to help them, they might reward, reinforcing in your mind it was your fault, so you try harder to please them, for them to bring you down again, you end up continually seeking how to gain their approval, walking on eggshells around the narcissist, to avoid the silent treatment, slowly losing who you are, while they gain further power and control over you.

8. We reach out to them as it hurts our emotions, the mental pain is draining on us, and we want it to end. The narcissist takes this as winning, and they can keep it up for as long as they please as they don’t have that emotional intelligence.

The three types of silent treatment a narcissist will use.

The present silent treatment. Where they stick around and ignore you, or stop including you. This is used, so you become hurt, confused, angry and upset that they are ignoring you, insecure that they are not including you. To get an emotional reaction from you to them.

The absent silent treatment. Where they just disappear on you, but you can still message and call them, they might not reply. This is used, so you become fearful, confused, upset, concerned and worried about them and your relationship.

The ghosting. This is where they vanish entirely, their phones are off, or you are blocked, social media shut down, or you’re blocked. No way of contacting them at all. This is usually if they are with a new target, but not always. This is used so you do all you can to get answers and closure. You might reach out to their friends and family. This can help with their smear campaigns against you.

The reason they feel a need to use it.

1. You’ve refused to break down one of your boundaries.

2. You’ve criticised them in some way, most often unintentionally.

3. You’ve not done something or refused to do something for them.

4. When you’ve confronted them over something they don’t want to accept responsibility for.

5. You are no longer filling their needs.

6. They’ve drained you, you need help and support, and you can no longer help them.

They go into silent treatment to break down your boundaries, to get control of you and get you to conform to their demands, to get you to beg, plead, apologise and chase them, to react so they can blame us, to confuse us, so they keep power over us.

We then chase them as we want to end the pain, end the silent treatment, not realising we are giving them what they want. They want you to feel beneath them and work hard to please them.

Remember, they don’t think how we do. They are not looking for compromise. They are looking dominance and control. They are seeking that apology to confirm in their minds they are wrong. They are right. With the attention you give them, they believe they are important.

They don’t have the emotions, and they lack the empathy to care for your thoughts, feelings, fears or tears.

What you can you do?

1. Remember, You don’t need their approval or validation. It’s helpful for others to Validate you. You don’t need it. Your value comes from within. Genuine people will value and respect you.

2. Observers don’t absorb. Recognise it, see what they are doing, don’t look inwards for answers, see this is their problem, that they only do to hurt you.

3. If they want to be silent, they are entitled to be silent. You are allowed to respect their boundary and leave them to it, remember you’re not the problem, look for what they are trying to achieve in doing this, what they want or need from you and don’t give it to them.

4. Focus on yourself, turn inwards and find things you love, lift yourself up, find genuine people to connect with, most importantly, connect within yourself. Think about what you need. No, you don’t need them to help you. They are the ones who are hurting you, exercise, meditate, yoga, go for a walk, watch an uplifting movie, read a good book.

5. Do not get in touch, do not call or message, focus on yourself and doing things you love.

6. Do not let them know it’s bothering you.

7. Remember, if the silent treatment hasn’t worked, they might up their game. Observe their patterns of behaviour, don’t absorb.

8. Remember they have insecurities, shame and fears, instead of dealing with those within themselves, they want to project or provoke you to pass those feelings onto you, you can not help as they don’t see a problem within themselves, you can, however, help you, instead of putting your time energy and effort into them, put it into you.

9. Don’t go to them for answers, and they will not tell you what you want to hear. You are just adding fuel to the fire, and they want you to do this. They’ll wait until you find a reason for what you did wrong. Give yourself the answer, and this is who they are. They are unwilling and unable to change. However, you can leave them be, become wiser and stronger and learn what behaviours you’ll no longer accept for others.

10. Become at peace within yourself. Don’t let others take you down; remove negative people from your life. Saying no to someone over something you don’t like is a significant deal-breaker.

11. no contact or grey rock.

12. Do all the things you love to do.

Remember, you are worth so much more than living with these kinds of people in your life. They can try to play games with you if you stop playing and start focusing on yourself. They will find someone else to play with.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.


How they control conversations.

Glossary Of The Words Used to Understand The Crazy Making Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Understanding the terminology to explain the narcissistic personality disorder.

Terminology relating to the narcissist personality disorder has been developed by psychologists and therapists as well as survivors of the abuse, seeking an understanding of what they have been through. This is an overview of most of the terms.

Narcissist characteristics the meaning, they might not show them all at the same time.

1. Arrogant and haughty behaviour. They are unpleasantly proud of who they are. Some will be obvious in showing it Overt v’s Covert those who will hide it away

2. A sense of entitlement. They believe they have a right to anything and everything they want. What’s yours is mine, and what’s mines my own attitude.

3. Exploitative. Whatever they do is only to ever to meet a need of their own.

4. Grandiose. If they show it or not, they believe they are superior to all others.

5. Jealous and Envy They are never pleased and always want more.

6. Lack of Empathy they can not truly feel what others do or put themselves in other people’s shoes.

7. Preoccupied with power and/or success. Those who are victorious will brag. Those who are not will blame others.

8. Requires excessive attention. They need to be admired by others, through love or fear.

9. The belief they are special. They believe all others are inferior to them.

Meanings of words for the types of narcissists on the spectrum.

The three main types are.

1. Grandiose. Better than all others, will act and say they are.

2. Vulnerable. Can come across as kind and compassionate, like most narcissists can, yet will always play the victim and destroy those close to them.

3. Malignant. An extreme mix of narcissism, antisocial and psychopath, with paranoid traits.

The subtypes are

1. Covert. These narcissists keep their abuse more hidden. They can be shy and, to the outside world, appear kind.

2. Overt. These narcissists are most apparent, grandiose behaviour. They are arrogant, demanding and boastful. They have rage very close to the surface when they don’t get their own way. Ruthless in power and control.

3. Somatic. These narcissists usually rely upon their body’s and looks for gaining attention.

4. Cerebral. These narcissists typically rely on intelligence. Although not all are intelligent, some lie about that too.

Other words used for Narcissist types.

1. The narcissistic winner. Everything is a competition, and they want to win at all costs.

2. The sneaky narcissist, they always have the perfect sob story and play the victim very well to manipulate others into helping them.

3. They know it all, narcissists. They know anything and everything, yet they’ll never have facts to back things up.

4. The puppet master narcissist. They control and have the power of all those around them.

5. The antagonist narcissist. These will always have an enemy. They scream at other car drivers, are nasty to neighbours, rude to staff.

6. The status narcissist. These have social power, status and success.

7. The Royal narcissist. They believe they are entitled to the best of everything.

We have narcissist, narcissism, NPD and narcissistic and more that people use to describe the behaviour itself.

It is a Cluster B personality disorder. These included narcissistic, antisocial, borderline, histrionic personality disorders on the cluster B, often with those having one of the disorders also having characteristics of one of the other disorders.

We have the Victim or survivor. I prefer the term target as the Narcissist targets individuals to fill their own needs. Staying in Victim mode doesn’t help people recover. You are a survivor and now experienced in what love isn’t.

Meanings of what they do.

1. Baiting. Where the narcissist will intentionally make someone angry by saying or doing something to annoy or taunt them deliberately, to hook trap or entice someone, and getting someone to do what the narcissist wants them to do.

2. Blame shifting. Switching the crazy-making onto the innocent target. When anyone confronts the narcissist or tries to set boundaries, the narcissist will change the whole focus onto the innocent target. So they can escape accountability and not take responsibility for their actions. Putting all the attention and blame onto the target.

3. Boundaries, the narcissist will try to break down all the targets boundaries. The targets self-beliefs of things they will and will not accept, things they will And will not do. A narcissist will step over and stomp out each and everyone through their many manipulation methods.

4. Counter parenting. This is when they will use all they can against the healthy parent. They do not care for the damage they cause to the children’s minds so long as they destroy the other parent.

5. Devalue. Narcissists believe they are superior to all others. Devaluing friends, family and partners. This is when they slowly take the target apart because of their emotional level of awareness, not developing past toddlerhood. Their insecurities of unattainable perfection. They do not hesitate in putting others down through, expressing their disappointment in the target, rage, being hostile, belittling, being judgmental of the target, and abandonment of the target.

6. Discard. When the narcissist no longer sees the target as useful to them or desirable, so they throw them away, cast them to one side, usually in more mind-blowing hideous ways, just to cut the target open even more and leave them with more self-doubts.

7. Divide and conquer. To assert control over others. To create diversions among people, to dominate, and to isolate people, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate people.

8. Enablers. Someone who doesn’t understand what the narcissist is or believes their believable pity plays at the time. Enablers are often unwittingly manipulated by the narcissist to think they truly understand them and can help them, often helping the narcissist destroys others without realising.

9. Future Faking. When the narcissist gives their targets false hope of a future, they’ll never deliver.

10. Flying Monkeys. From the film Wizard of Oz. These are enablers who help the narcissist by terrorising targets for the narcissist, and the narcissist manipulates others into doing the dirty work for them. They can be friends, partners, parents, siblings and children.

11. Gaslighting. This is an insidious form of psychological abuse where they sow seeds of self-doubt into others. Hence, the target loses their own reality, their sanity, their memories and their perceptions. The narcissist undermines the targets mental state. They lie and give false information by projection, blame-shifting, triangulation. Saying, “that never happened.” “I told you last week.” “You’re sensitive.” Or the “you’re crazy.” They brainwash their targets into believing the narcissist’s reality.

12. Hoover. Named after the hoover, as they try to suck people back in to spit them back out, they make those around them miserable, often driving others away eventually. If people pull away, they might try to hoover the target back in. They use lots of manipulative tactics to do this. The hoover is when they come to suck the target back in as they feel a need to use them again, to discard them all over again. If they have a new source of supply, they might leave them alone and focus on the new target. If the new target isn’t working out, most will hoover an old target

13. Idealisation / Love Bombing. The action of making something seemingly perfect or better than the actual reality. The narcissist will hook a target In by making them believe that they are perfect and all their dreams have come true. Followed by devaluation and discard.

14. Insincere Apology. As a narcissist is never accountable and believes they are always right. You’ll not get a real apology, only a false apology if the narcissist thinks it will meet a need of their own. To remove any shame they feel, things like. “I’m sorry if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” ” I’m sorry, but you couldn’t handle the truth.” “I’m sorry you’re too sensitive to understand.”

15. Manipulation. The action of unscrupulously controlling others for their own advantage unfairly and dishonesty.

16. Mirroring, when they copy who you are, and reflect all your likes, dislikes, hobbies, hopes and dreams back to you.

17. Narcissistic injury. They’ve usually suffered some form of emotional trauma as a child, which stunted or stopped their development of emotions as they turned to fight mode.

18. Narcissist rage. If the narcissist feels criticism, isn’t getting things their own way, or feels entitled to something they are not getting, it hurts their inflated ego setting off wild and sometimes dangerous rage, far beyond healthy anger. It’s traumatising to the targets.

19. Narcissistic Smirk. When they form, for a second smirk over something, ordinary people wouldn’t, as they can not fully contain their delight in destroying others.

20. Narcissist Stare. This is something out of this world. Anyone who’s witnessed this knows how it can make you freeze on the spot. They seem soulless, and most narcissistic eyes turn a cold black.

21. Neglect. They ignore others needs for emotional, psychological or physical requirements, and they will not give others care or attention unless it meets a need of their own.

22. Projection. Pushing their own feelings, thoughts, actions, beliefs, opinions and traits onto someone else, the narcissist will blame others escaping accountability. They will accuse others of what they are actually doing. From “you’re a liar.” “You’re cheating.” “You’re insecure.”

23. Supply. Narcissist depends on others emotions to sustain their sense of identity, and they need a number of emotions from others, negative or positive. To regulate their self-esteem. Without supply, they are empty, and they will use friends, family, work colleagues. No one is exempt. If they can not get positive, they will seek to destroy and get negative. If their primary source pulls away, they might hoover them, hoover an ex, or explore a new supply.

24. Silent treatments. Another form of psychological manipulation, to make the target beg, plead, apologies and make up to the narcissist for things they didn’t even do, the present silent treatment in the home where you’re left walking on eggshells, or where they just disappear on you.

25. Smear campaigns. This is when the narcissist is losing control of the target’s mind. So try’s to discredit the target, destroying the targets reputation or character by smearing the targets name to manipulate others to side with the narcissist. They do this also out of envy. They are extremely calculated in trying to discredit those who see through their mask, and they will gossip. Lie, blame shift about the target, to children, parents, siblings, neighbours, work colleagues—anyone they can to isolate and destroy the target.

26. The Scapegoat. The child who usually is strong-willed with a mind of its own, the narcissist struggles to control, so blames the scapegoat for everything.

27. The lost child. The child who gets nothing, no negative, no positive, no love, no hate.

28. The mascot. The child who plays the jester role to escape becoming the scapegoat.

29. The golden child, usually sensitive and keen to please, so the narcissist can easily manipulate to make the child meet the narcissist’s high demands.

30. Triangulation. Where they use others to get the target to give in to the narcissist’s demands or isolate the target from any support network. Through making lies up and informing one of something another said. To divide and conquer. To dominate all others. They create competition better others. They will even play their own children off against each other.

31. Word Salad. . A mixture of words and phrases that lack any meaning to the original topic.

Meaning of words that people of this abuse can suffer from during and have to recover from afterwards.

1. Anxiety. An excessive, irrational feeling of worry, nervousness, unease.

2. CPTSD. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Due to suffering from a series of stressful, traumatic events.

3. Depression. An excessive amount of self-doubt, misery, sadness, woe and doom.

4. Fear. An excessive amount of being scared about the narcissist, what they might do, fear for yours and the children’s safety, fear and distrust in others.

5. Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn. Humans four natural defence modes. Targets often fight back, run away, freeze on the spot or give in and fawn to the narcissist’s demands as they believe life would be easier this way.

6. Guilt. For not seeing it sooner, being unable to help, enabling the narcissist thinking it was helpful, for accepting behaviours that should have never accepted, for taking all the blame. Remove that guilt. At the time, your intentions were good. Please always remember that.

7. Hyper-vigilance. Always on guard for anything and everything that could go wrong.

8. Insomnia. Unable to sleep.

9. Intrusive thoughts. Things that happened in the past, things that could happen in the future, full of fear, worry and guilt.

10. Overactivity. Keeping busy to try and stop intrusive thoughts, but doing far too much.

11. Physical health. We can have so many health problems after being around these kinds of people.

12. Reactive Abuse. When we react to the narcissist’s provocation.

13. Self-isolation. No longer trusting others, so isolating themselves from all others for fear of being hurt.

14. Self-destructive behaviours. By not removing the guilt for things done that wasn’t understood at the time, self-sabotaging, the present as feeling unworthy.

15. Trauma Bonding. Believing in love and that the narcissist can be helped, trauma bonding is from being taken up so high to then be dropped so low, the body release chemicals, so it needs to be weaned off those drugs released by the body. It’s not love. It’s a drug addiction that the body needs to be weaned off.

Meaning of what that targets need to do to break free from the narcissist.

1. Boundaries. Your no needs to mean no, and you need to stick to your no. If something doesn’t suit you, it’s a no.

2. Grey Rock. If the target is unable to go no contact, everything is on a needs to know the business like Response only, as dull as possible. The narcissists don’t know anything about the target. With limited communication and limited contact, the target gives the narcissist no reaction.

3. No Contact. Just that no contact, the target completely removes them from any part of their life and never gets in touch again; this can include the narcissists, friends, family, flying monkeys, enablers.

4. No reaction. Never react to the narcissist’s games as that hands the targets power over to the narcissist.

5. Outsmart. Learning how to outsmart the narcissist’s manipulation games.

When awareness is out for all those going through this, all professions, there will be more understanding to help people reclaim reality, recover and move on. It’ll stop people from falling for this kind of abusive person again and, hopefully, one day stop people from getting involved in the first place.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.



Eight characteristics Of A Covert Narcissist.

Phrases to disarm a narcissist.