Why Do Narcissists Need To Put You Down.

Narcissistic people seek to devalue you and make you feel inadequate and undervalued so that the narcissist feels valid. Narcissistic people seek to make you feel inferior so they can feel superior. They want to make you feel small so that they can feel big.

A narcissist will compare you to others. They’ll question your credibility in front of others. They’ll mock you, invalidate you when you wish to try something new they’ll say “do you really think you can do that?” When they learn you’re trying to lose weight, narcissistic people are the type of people that will bake you a cake, then get offended when you don’t eat the cake they spent hrs to make, to make you feel bad. They’ll offer you that cigarette when trying to quit. When you are cutting back on the alcohol intake, they’ll need you to go for a drink with them.

Narcissistic people put you down, creating negative feelings within you that don’t just last at the moment. They have a negative psychological effect on how you see yourself. Often you begin seeing yourself in a negative light, and you can even start to see the world negatively.

Constantly being belittled and invalidated can cause your mood to drop, your shoulders to slump, and you have a negative outlook on life, to which a narcissist will say, “who’d want to spend time with you.” When they fail to take you somewhere, they once promised to take you.

Narcissists indirectly indicate that your thoughts, feelings, opinions and abilities are invalid. They make you feel not enough, often dysregulating your emotions, to which they invalidate your emotional state of mind further by claiming, “you’re too sensitive, you’re insecure, you’re overreacting, you can’t take a joke, stop being so serious,” making you feel like your not enough and you’re going crazy.

Narcissistic people point out your faults, flaws, weakness and mistakes, and once they’ve got you worried about those, they’ll create more. “Do you really think you should wear that?” Or “I wouldn’t do that if I was you.” They do this so they don’t have to look at their own inadequacies. They make you feel bad, so they feel better. Once you’re self-conscious, you become weaker and limited, to which a narcissist will devalue you to see just how much you’ll put up with, and to the narcissist, it’s not their behaviour which is wrong. It’s your fault for putting up with their unbelievably hurtful behaviour.

When you want to achieve in life, a narcissist will deceive, they’ll covertly sabotage you any way they can to bring you down, any achievement you’ve made a narcissist will talk about what they’ve done better always one-upping you, any suffering the narcissist will bring the conversation back around to how they’ve suffered worse.

Narcissists don’t want to see you do well. They don’t want to help you succeed. They want to drag you down, to see how much you’ll put up with it, to prove to themselves you’re not perfect. They don’t take responsibility. They view it as you’re no better than them.

Narcissistic people are envious of others. They don’t have the empathy to see others suffering, only their own. They don’t believe others deserve happiness. They think, “what makes them so special.” and seek to make you feel stupid to feel like you’re an idiot. Narcissists aren’t pleased when you achieve something. They think that’s not fair. Why isn’t it working out for me, and seek to destroy it for you. They’re envious of your happiness and your success, so they destroy it and blame you for it.

Their envy means they often compare themselves to others, becoming bitter and resentful. However, they don’t take responsibility for this. Instead, they compare you to others, the narcissists projection, and accuse you of being insecure.

Narcissists seek to sabotage you as they’re envious of your success. Therefore they don’t want to watch you succeed. They want to covertly help you fail. Narcissists are cynical and bitter, they devalue others to make others feel worthless so the narcissist can feel better within themselves, narcissists put you down, which not only upsets you at that time it changes how you view yourself so you have more negative emotions and less positive emotions, to which the narcissist will blame all your problems on your negative emotional state, they project “your bitter, you’re jealous.” which can lead you to feeling like the narcissistic one, narcissists are contemptuous people, if they don’t feel validated it dysregulates their emotions, thereby making them feel less than, therefore they seek to pull you down to raise themselves up, narcissists don’t feel enough, so they strive to make you feel unworthy, so they can feel enough, they seek to point out your flaws, so they don’t have to pay attention to their own, they’re envious of others, they don’t believe others deserve what they don’t have, they lack the empathy to be aware of others suffering, they just think it’s unfair you have something they don’t, they don’t believe you deserve it and seek to take it, narcissists aim down and they aim to take you down with them to prove their vision of people as correct, to prove to themselves you’re not better than them, if a narcissist doesn’t want or cant do something, they’re going to make sure you can’t either. Their arrogance means if you do well, they’ll top what you’ve done if you’ve suffered, they’ve suffered worse. If you try, they’ll sabotage to prove to themselves you are no better than them. Yet, they don’t recognise their inadequacies. They create yours. They pull you down to see if you’ll put up with it so they don’t have to take responsibility because, to them, you’re the one who failed, not them.

Recovery tips.

Stand tall, raise your shoulders, lift your head, only compare yourself to who you were yesterday, lose those who seek to drag you down with them, and talk to yourself about how you speak to those you care about and desire to help.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

5 Manipulative Ways Narcissists Get What They Want From You.

Narcissistic people use many different mind games to get their needs met by you, often by gaslighting you. Gaslighting causes psychological trauma to our minds. The gaslighter creates a false narrative which distorts our reality, gets us questioning our experience, our thoughts and our feeling, and leaves us second guessing ourselves through the narcissists blame-shifting, where we are led to believe by the narcissist that we are the sole problem and the narcissist does no wrong, through the narcissist’s projection, which is a mixture of the narcissist blame-shifting and gaslighting, whereby the narcissist will project all their faults, flaws, failings, insecurities and mistakes over to us, leaving us full of self-doubt, and second-guessing ourselves.

This can lead to brain fog, where we genuinely believe we are the problem and we are going crazy. The narcissist’s mind games often leave us living in fear not only of the narcissist but also of ourselves, fear of doing or saying the wrong thing, fear of being misunderstood, and fear of not being enough. Obligation, feeling Indebted and obligated to serve the narcissist’s needs, often forgetting about our own, feeling obliged to help the narcissist out, and guilt, feeling guilty for doing everyday things that many people do, feeling like we’re letting them down, feeling like we’re hurting their feelings if we don’t do as they please.

Five manipulative ways a narcissist will confuse you to get their needs met by you.

1. Flattery insincere compliments and praise.

A narcissist will come at you with those insincere compliments. They will come at you with “ you look nice today.” they will say things such as “you look really good today.” right before they ask something of you, be it asking you to do something for them, or asking if you mind if they go somewhere, even though they promised to do something with you, future faking, where they promise you something to get their needs met in the present. Once their needs are met, they find a way of getting out of that promise they once made to you, usually done in a manner that makes you feel bad if you were to try and hold them accountable. They butter you up with insincere compliments right before they pull the rug from beneath you and let you down again. However, by trying to hold them accountable, they’ll accuse you of being “selfish.” or claim you’re “always making it about you.” so again, you feel bad, and they continue to hurt you.

With their insincere flattery, they might promise to do something for you that you don’t enjoy doing. If you do something for them that they don’t enjoy, however, once you have done it for them, they let you down, yet they do it in a manner of. “You do it far better than I would. Would you mind? I’m really tired.” so you feel obligated to do it for them. They stroke your ego to get out of doing things for you. At the same time, you slowly find yourself doing everything for them, call them out, and they’ll twist it to “if you loved me, you would.” to get you feeling bad for not doing for them, the very things they’re unwilling to do for you.

2. Coercion, threats, blackmail, intimidation.

A narcissist will ask something of you that perhaps you feel uncomfortable in doing, lying for them, covering for them. When you say no, this criticises the narcissist’s sense of entitlement, and they seek to punish you, so they might overtly, directly threaten you. “If you don’t, I will.” so if you don’t do action A, they will take action B, which will cause you pain. However, A can cause you pain. Or the covert indirect of “what if.” then something bad, yet again call them out, they’ll claim to be joking, or state you’re overreacting, to make you feel paranoid.

Intimidation, they might covertly just stand in the doorway, blocking the doorway, so you feel uncomfortable. They might just get in your space, not say or do anything directly intimidating, just get in your face. Or overtly, directly, stand over you, shout at you. To place fear within you to do as they say, call them out, they’ll claim you’re in the wrong, overthinking or paranoid.

Blackmail, most people have made mistakes, done things they’re not proud of, confided in those they’re close to, a narcissistic person will feel no shame in using your secrets against you, they’ll ask something from you, you say no, they’ll come at you with. “What if your family knew.” they’re going to put you in a compromising position to get their needs met by you as they lack the empathy to care for you.

3. The silent treatment.

When one person has hurt another person, the hurt person can fall silent as they process their thoughts. When a narcissist doesn’t get their entitlement met, this causes their psychological pain, and they seek to punish you for everyday things. You could simply have a friend’s birthday coming up, as the narcissist feels contempt towards this friend, believing you think the friend is more important than the narcissist, meaning the narcissist might sulk before you go. If a narcissist isn’t happy ain’t nobody going to be happy, you’ll often find once a narcissist has dampened your mood, the narcissist feels smug, narcissists get pleasure out of your pain, if you go, they’ll be silent on you return, to punish you, get you questioning what you did, as surely they can’t fall silent because you went to celebrate a friends birthday, right. Wrong, a narcissist is going to punish you for celebrating somebody else’s birthday. Yet ask them, and they’ll claim it’s not that. It’s because you’re selfish. A narcissist will cheat on you and then claim it’s because you weren’t giving them enough attention. Narcissists use silence to punish while blaming you for their inability to communicate their feelings because they don’t want to be exposed as requiring excessive attention, feeling entitled or feeling envious. Instead, they’ll fall silent and blame you.

4. Playing the victim.

Be it the vulnerable narcissist that’s going to ask you to do something that you either don’t have time to do or you don’t want to do. You say no, the narcissist is going to turn round and say, “after all I’ve done for you. You won’t do this one thing for me.” Now non-narcissistic people can find themselves saying this usually because they’ve done so much for the other person. When the puzzle starts to click, they can stand back and think, after all I’ve done for them, they won’t do this one simple thing for me. With a narcissist, you’ll find yourself doing absolutely everything for them while they do the bare minimum for you. Yet claim you do nothing for them. You will find yourself doing more and more for them as they do less and less for you.

A grandiose narcissist might proclaim you’re not doing that for me and then list a lot of people that would potentially do that for them, again, to get you to question yourself, and they might even turn round and say, well, if you loved me you would.

5. Logical reasoning.

This is when a narcissist might have promised to do something for you. If you did something for them, they would make dinner for you when they came home. They come home and say, “you’re so much better at making dinner than I am. I’ve had a really bad day, a really long day. My back is really hurting me. Would you mind making dinner? I know I said I would. Still, I promise I’ll do it next time.” Only next time rarely to never comes, and as people can genuinely have backaches, we find ourselves justifying, rationalising, sympathising with them, trying our best to help them out, not recognising that they are taking advantage of us. They are exploiting our compassion towards their tail of woes that we can’t see what they’re doing so that the narcissist can get away with their behaviour.

Narcissistic people have a way of getting you to do things for them out of fear, out of obligation or out of guilt, and when you don’t do something for them, they will find a way to shame you, criticise you and blame you and punish you for not serving their sense of entitlement as they believe that you should do, often leaving you feeling like you’re going crazy and feeling confused to which a narcissist will accuse you of going crazy when you try to point them out one of their behaviours.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – A life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

7 Signs They Don’t Care About You.

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, due to their very nature and exploitative behaviour, it’s difficult to see if they care or not due to their many covert manipulative mind games to distract us from who they are. Their behaviour is often covert as it’s hidden from us. Narcissistic people are incredibly deceptive. They sell you an illusion of who they can be, based on the information they’ve gained from us of who we’d like them to be, then they will love bomb, idealise, mirror and future fake to hide the fact they lack the empathy actually to care for us, here are seven red flags that they don’t care.

1. They don’t do favours for you.

Narcissistic people don’t do favours for anyone other than themselves, which is why it’s so confusing when they do something for you, something you might have not even asked them to do, leading you to believe that they care. However, they will one day use this as currency against you to emotionally manipulate you. When they ask something from you, and you say no, they don’t respect your no. Instead, they say, “after I did that for you.” Or “after I let you.” To guilt you into changing your no into a yes to serve them, they’ll even accuse you of not caring for them, so you’re the one left feeling inadequate, not seeing what they’re trying to do to you, playing with your emotions. Narcissistic people will only do a favour for anyone if it somehow benefits themselves, like the image they’re trying to sell to others.

2. They don’t care about your needs.

Narcissistic people are preoccupied with themselves. They’re self-entitled and exploitative. They don’t care about what you need unless they need something from you. They can act like they care when it suits a need of their own. However, when you need something from them, they’ll disappear on you and tell you to “deal with it.” Accuse you of being selfish, demanding, or stubborn, yet when they need something from you, and you don’t do it straight away, they’ll accuse you of not caring about them, so you feel guilty and want to prove you care, failing to recognise they don’t care for you.

3. They don’t know the little things about you.

Narcissistic people lack the empathy to care and are arrogant enough to believe they already know everything, as they don’t care, they’re not interested in the little things about you, unless they can use these things against you, they find a thing you’d like to do, and claim they’ll do it with you, future faking, once their need has been met, they forget about that promise they once made to you, if you bring it up, they claim they never said that you imagine things, if you weren’t so demanding they’d want to spend time with you, so you’re left feeling hurt and bad for chasing them, changing yourself to suit them, not recognising all they do is suit themselves.

4. They put the minimum effort.

Narcissistic people will put the bare minimum effort in, sending generic messages, taking you somewhere they want to go, picking up generic gifts, not doing much for you, claiming they’re tired, had a bad day, you know what they’re like in a morning, yet they expect you to put maximum effort in for them, they’ll avoid taking you to important medical appointments (unless they can play the hero.) yet they expect you to chauffeur them.

5. They don’t talk with you.

Narcissistic people don’t talk with you. They talk at you. You might ask how their day has been. If they want to talk, they will. If they don’t, they’ll be silent, leaving you questioning what’s wrong, what you have done and chasing them. However, if they talk, they’ll want acknowledging for their achievements or sympathetic attention for their problems, they might even ask how your day has been, yet they’ll interrupt you, and bring it back onto themselves if you ask about this they’ll accuse you of making it all about you, exactly what the narcissist is doing to you, making it about them, yet if you push the topic they’ll accuse you of not being interested in them, so you question yourself and not their behaviour.

6. They don’t remember the good times.

Narcissistic people focus on what you haven’t done, failed to do, or didn’t do good enough. With their insecurities, they seek to pull others down to feel superior to themselves. No matter how much you do for them, it’s never enough for a narcissist. However, if they want something from you, they’ll come at you with “remember when I.” If they’re trying to hoover you back in, they claim. “We were so good together, remember when.” Which is often something in the love bombing or intermittent reinforcement stage, or when they did for you because they wanted something from you. When you don’t take the bait, a narcissist will accuse you of being ungrateful.

7. They’ed rather impress a stranger than care for their own family.

Narcissistic people don’t do responsibility. They do deception, and their family might not know who they are; however, due to the toxic nature of the narcissist, their families might no longer admire the narcissist as the narcissist feels entitled, or the narcissist might seek to punish the family for not attending to the narcissist. “ if you’d had paid me more attention.” However, no matter how much attention you give a narcissist, it’s never enough for a narcissist, so they seek it elsewhere because those who are unaware are easily influenced be the narcissists charismatic charm or victim plays, admiring the narcissist or feeling sorry for the narcissist, giving the narcissist the attention that the narcissist believes they’re not getting at home.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with (Sponsored.) BetterHelp. where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse. 

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading.

Signs You’re In An Abusive Relationship.

Signs you are being emotionally abused.

Whenever we get into a new relationship, we are taking a risk, we don’t know everyone, yet we’d like to believe people are genuine. No one gets involved with or stays with an abusive partner intentionally.

Some narcissists use physical violence. Often by this point, you’re too full of fear to leave them, yet a lot of narcissistic People don’t use physical violence. Mental abuse is harder to see.

Signs within yourself.

Are you blaming yourself for their actions toward you? Do you keep hoping they’ll change? Are you isolated from friends and family? Are you getting bad anxiety? Are you feeling depressed? No longer knowing who you are? Are you walking on eggshells? No longer feeling comfortable around your partner? Fearing what mood they’ll wake up in? Fearing the key in the door? Or, if you don’t manage to answer the phone to them straight away, live in fear of their accusations or reactions? Are you no longer going out with friends? If most of the answers are yes, it is highly likely you’re with a narcissistic person. Even if they are not a narcissist, they are extremely harmful or toxic. If your fear speaking up for yourself and feel your boundaries are slipping, you need to find a safe way out. Do you feel safe? If you no longer feel safe, you need to find a safe way out.

An abusive relationship can have devastating effects not only on your mental health but your physical health also. These relationships can not only happen in our romantic relationship, but it can also happen with friends, family and people within your work setting.

Emotional abuse is harrowing and hard to see it’s happening to you, as it happens so gradually over time, as the abuser can treat you so well at times. They have ways of explaining everything away, making you doubt yourself, or making you blame yourself, then as they fill all your human needs for certainty, uncertainty, contribution, growth, love and connection, significance in a negative way. As you are left so uncertain at times, yet certain you’re in a relationship, you forever grow and change even though it’s hurting you. Sometimes you feel the love from them, and you contribute by always picking the pieces up after them. You become addicted to the abuser on a subconscious level.

In the beginning, they lure you in, make you feel comfortable then slowly take control over you. Genuine, kind-hearted people make excuses for their partner’s behaviour, often blaming themselves, so continually sacrificing themselves and things they enjoy in attempts to make the relationship work.

If you’re feeling any of these, crazy, confused, depressed, broken, beaten, always to blame, fear of reactions, cannot get your own inner feelings out, feeling worthless, unlovable, self-doubt, thinking it’s all so unbelievable, there is a high chance you’re around an abusive person.

Twelve signs you’re in a psychologically abusive relationship.

1. You’re always feeling on edge and fearful. You’re afraid to speak out or speak up at times. You are worried about or scared of their reactions if you do.

2. They are very petty. They make a massive deal over minor things; what you did right once is suddenly no longer right. Even simple things like you have not cooked their vegetables how they like them.

3. You’ve lost your self-esteem. They criticise you over things about your friendship choices, your family members, to how you clean, how you parent, how you cook, tell you you’re not good enough, criticise how you dress, and your figure. All to make them feel better about themselves, slowly losing your self-esteem.

4. You’ve lost your self-respect as they take down your boundaries one by one, gaslighting you, saying, “my friend’s partner would.” Or “My ex would.” To “You’re too regimented and need to loosen up.” Giving you the silent treatment if you don’t conform to their demands.
5. They block you and cut you off. Any topic you try to raise, they either change it to something completely different, bring up something you did, rage at you or silent treatment you. Making you lose what the discussion was indeed about.

6. They distract you, again changing the subject or saying. “You’re too sensitive,” you’re overacting.” Or “That never happened.” “I told you last week you’re losing your memory.” So you doubt your instincts and your version of reality, usually then going to the abuser for a reality check.

7. You end up walking on eggshells around them, always being careful what you say or do, where you go, for fear of how they’ll react.

8. You feel humiliated. They often poke fun at you, especially in front of others, in subtle ways. They do it in the form of. “I’m only joking.” Slowly losing your confidence. They also do it by making comments about how you look. Covert narcissist. “You’re not wearing that are you.” Overt narcissists. “That looks terrible on you.”

9. They use all your weaknesses against you, provoking you constantly to get reactions from you when you defend yourself, then they blame it all on you, leaving you full of more self-doubt and feeling guilty for how you reacted, often blaming yourself.

10. If you’re hurt or upset, they often show no compassion, often walking out and leaving you upset. Or they’ll go on about a situation they had that was far worse. They don’t care for your feelings and have no real empathy towards you unless they have something to gain by pretending to do so.

11. They treat you better than anyone ever has at times, to keep you more confused and working harder to please them. This is what makes it so confusing: they’re not bad all the time. They switch the game from being nice to nasty, like a flip of a light switch to keep you in a trance while they slowly drain everything from you.

12. You no longer know who you are; you don’t feel yourself anymore and feel like you’re slowly losing more and more of who you are. You lost all the things you used to enjoy so much, your values, your trust and your beliefs.

13. You’re always on edge, and it’s starting to become not only when you are around your abuser but when you’re around others also. You’ve lost your self-trust in your judgment, you feel judged by others, and you no longer trust those around you.

If you’re still in an abusive relationship, seek help from the domestic violence helpline, and ask friends and family for assistance if you’ve not been isolated from them.

Stay safe. Do not tell your abuser what you think or that you are leaving, try gathering money, and keeping a diary of events where the abuser can not find it. Gather passports and birth certificates, and get to a safe place.

You are not alone. Unfortunately, a lot have been through and are going through this, and some people understand how you feel and what’s happening.

You can, and you will break free and move on to a much happier life.

Letting go can be extremely hard. It is possible, though. You’ve just got to find the best method for you to achieve it for yourself.

Learn to let go of all the blame, yet don’t pass all the blame over. Take responsibility for yourself, and never for them. No one deserves to be abused. Blaming those who have hurt us for everything that is wrong within our own lives only holds you back, “ If it wasn’t for them doing that to me.” is only keeping you trapped in your own negative mindset and your past. You need to change it to. Blaming others is only self-sabotaging your own peace of mind and your own inner happiness. Pass responsibility for their behaviour back to them. Abuse is abuse, no excuse. You did nothing to deserve that. That is on them.

The past is in the past. If you want to become free, you need to stop locking yourself into your past. Once you heal from your past, whatever that narcissist is trying to do to you now, you’ll no longer be affected. Once you understand how and why they act the way they do, learn to observe and not absorb. Keep your standards high for yourself, lower your expectations of those who are incapable of loving and caring for others, learn practice and do grey rock or no contact. Your life will become so much easier.

If you don’t want them to win, let it go, move on and create a happier, more optimistic, more successful you.

If you really want to move on, stop letting your past hold you back.

They are thieves, so now, in the present moment, and every present moment after this, you need to stop allowing others to steal your joy.

Stop letting them live rent-free in your mind. Yes, this takes practice. If you want to achieve this, use pattern interrupt. Every time they pop into your mind, you have to consciously remove that thought and replace it with a positive one. There is a post on this page with more information about pattern interrupt.

No longer allow them to steal your joy and live in your mind when they pull something in the present moment, don’t give them what they want; instead, stay calm and do not react. It’s hard at first, but the more you practice, the easier it becomes, don’t let it spoil the rest of your day. Let it go.

Sometimes, people hold on to the past and the pain and the blame, as they believe it’s easier than moving on. You’ve got to face up to that pain of letting go. So you can move onto a much happier future,

The more you allow them to infect your mind, the more of your life they take from you. They are a virus that swoops in, treat you better than anyone ever has, and then slowly destroys you. It takes time and work from you to recover from that trauma bond, just like when you get ill, you have to take the steps to get better when you break a bone. It has to heal, depending on the severity of the narcissist and how long you were with them, how much it affected your health, and how much they are trying to affect you now, differs to how long it takes individuals to recover, we are all more than capable of recovery if you put your mind to it, others have done it before you, with more awareness it’ll become easier and hopefully stop people getting involved with these, energy-draining vampires in the first place.

The best and only revenge is letting go and moving on. Showing you’re strong enough to let go, your ego is happy to let go, you’re now not even interested in them to even bother seeking revenge, or give reactions as you are now free to be happy, you’re now free to live your own successful life, something they’ll never be able to do, as they don’t see themselves as the problem, they can only hit pattern repeat, you can hit pattern interrupt and start a new direction, a great journey, wiser and stronger than you were before.

You can live in calm, peace and joy. Let them take their toxic, infectious negativity elsewhere.

People always hit some form of a roadblock in life’s journey, life doesn’t always go as planned, but you can leave your mistakes in the past and take the lessons into your present.

Give yourself a positive mindset, focus on the good, write down the good things you have, and focus on adding to that list.

Write down the good things you want in life, then keep adding to the list.

People don’t just get lucky in life. And they work hard to make their own dreams a reality. When they hit an obstacle, when it gets tough, they find a way to find the positive and move past it.

Lose negative thoughts instantly and focus on what you can do to be positive. Focus on the good and lose those negatives. You will also have to lose that victim mindset, the mindset of negative toxic people live by, and people can not help them. They seek to destroy others to feel better within themselves. You can give something back to those who are reasonable people and help others. You can be bigger and better than they can ever be.

Your past is over. Close that book. Don’t cheat yourself out of a positive future by living in your past. Your past no longer exists. The here and now, the present moment, is what exists.

When you keep hold of resentment, you will only suffer. You need to become happy within yourself, and then things will become perfect. You’ll be able to laugh off toxic people’s negative behaviour. It’ll no longer consume you. With your inner happiness, and wisdom on toxic people, new-found boundaries and saying no, to things you don’t find acceptable, you’ll have a self-made shield around you to deflect toxic people away from you.

Life isn’t always perfect, life is hard, but if you can get into that positive place, it’ll become easier to deal with a hard times, go through them, release them and go again.

See the good in everything, but understand that some people can not be helped and leave them be.

Forgive those who have hurt you. It’s in the past. You have to accept that it happened to you and let it go. You don’t have to accept that it was ok. Abuse is never ok, and there is no excuse, but forgiving yourself, as you didn’t have the understanding of what all the manipulation, gaslighting, word salad, and blame-shifting were doing to you.

Forgiveness is for you to release yourself from them, to free yourself from your past, to release that hope that it couldn’t have been any different, and it was what it was. That it’s your past and not your present-day, holding on to resentment will only hold you to your past.

When you learn to hold grudges no longer, you become a better person, and you allow yourself to move forward in your own life with self-respect and dignity.

No one person is better than another, yet you’re allowed to judge. I don’t mean to judge others in a negative way. I mean, recognise they are toxic, make the judgment call they are not the person you want in your life and walk the other way.

To gain happiness and success in your future, you need to take the steps in your present, to put your past where it belongs, and leave it behind you. The time is now at this moment to allow yourself the freedom, to allow yourself happiness, to forgive, and find yourself again.

You do not have to condone toxic people’s behaviour, but while you are letting your past keep you, hostage, you are the one that’s suffering, and they still have power and control over you. Now is the time to release them from your mind. And keep going until you do.

Day by day, it gets easier, you become stronger, you live happier, you create a happier life, moving on for you is the best thing you’ll ever do.

Coercive Controlling Behaviour.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

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The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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