Common Gaslighting Lies Narcissists Need You To Believe.

The lies from a narcissist.

Often what narcissists say is very different from what they mean; here are some of the more common phrases narcissists rely upon you believing, things they say to manipulate you. Where when we listen closely enough, we can recognise it’s the narcissist’s projection or gaslighting as they try to distract us from their intentions or their actions, or to get us to think from an emotional place such as shame, guilt, compassion or remorse, so the narcissist can further their control over who we are as a person to benefit who they are as a person.

People on the narcissist personality disorder spectrum are very egotistical, entitled people and expect others to give them everything they want, with the narcissist doing the bare minimum in return, when we don’t know what they are, they are very tough to spot in society. Narcissists are the masters of manipulation. They are masters of words and lies; the lies they tell, they often believe themselves. They gaslight so well that even when the actions don’t match their words. Those around the narcissist question themselves, doubt their thoughts, feelings, intentions and instincts, often believing the narcissists lies.

The phrases they tell people and what they truly mean.

When a narcissist says, “ I love you.” Or “If you loved me, you would.”

They’re just using the word love to control you. They don’t really love you, not in the way you love them. They love that you put them before yourself, that you make your life about making them happy. They love how you do your best to solve their issues, relieve their pain, fix their problems. Narcissists love how you take time out for them and not yourself, that you shower them with your attention only, that you make the narcissist’s happiness your responsibility. Narcissists love how you think you’re the one that can help them, make life better for them. They love how you need them. They love how with a few devaluing words or withholding of attention, withholding of communication, the narcissist’s silent treatment, they can make you feel unworthy and insignificant to try harder to please them. When I say I love you, They mean, They love how they can control you.

When a narcissist says, “I don’t want to argue.”

They mean they don’t want to discuss whatever topic of conversation needs discussing; the more you try to engage them in the conversation, the more they can twist it to play the victim by claiming you’re the one causing arguments

They say, “It’s not all about you.”

They mean. It’s all about them; they can not Handle you being the centre of attention. If you ever mention your needs that they don’t for fill, they’ll make you feel guilty and ashamed of having these needs. They mean they’re the only important one.

They say, “you’re so awkward.”

They mean they’re not getting their own way, so if they can make you think you’re the one causing problems, you’ll change your mind, and they’ll get what they wanted.

They say, “ You have trust issues.”

They mean they are a very untrustworthy person, and even though they’ve shown you many times by betraying you, they’re going to gaslight you into questioning your instincts and not their actions. Narcissists enjoy having control over your emotional thinking, they enjoy confusing you, and they enjoy getting their own way; when narcissists say, “You don’t trust them.” believe them.

They say, “You are so jealous and insecure.”

They mean they love how you compete for their attention. When they flirt with others, it makes them feel powerful and desirable. They enjoy making others feel unworthy and then twisting it to confuse others, what your instinct is often telling you is real; however, a narcissist wants to manipulate you into thinking it’s not; they want to convince you that your emotional reactions to their actions are the problem when without their actions there would be no reactions. You can never do anything right by a narcissist as that would mean they are wrong; being wrong to a narcissist is unimaginable to them, as they feel entitled to do as they please; they want to get you doubting yourself and not them.

They say, “We are just friends.”

They mean. Whenever they bored with you, or they don’t believe they’re getting the excessive attention they believe they’re entitled to, they’re calling this person. Or if you do manage to leave, they can simply replace you with this person and make you feel worse; this person might already be acting as a valuable side piece.

They’ll also be smearing your name to this person about how obsessed, controlling and toxic you are. So if you ever talk to this person about the narcissist’s behaviour, it will just confirm to them how crazy you are. Narcissists love making out that everything and everyone else is the problem to escape taking responsibility for their own actions and to get away with their behaviour. They love to humiliate and provoke you, so when you react, it’s matching what the narcissist has told others about you, they can let those seeds grow that they planted in another’s mind about you grow as they provoke your emotional responses to show people you are the one with the problem.

They say, “ You don’t have anyone to talk to about it.”

They mean this is because they’ve already isolated you from all support removing anyone important to you in your life so that the narcissist is the one who has power and control over your life now. They want to make you feel stupid and weak; they want to create feelings of codependency within you, so you doubt yourself, blame yourself no longer know who to trust, do all you can to please the narcissist not realising through the narcissists gaslighting they are the ones destroying you, as it all sounds so unbelievable in your mind, your pride and ego can stop you from speaking out, fear of being misunderstood, fear of not being believed, and fear of the narcissist’s reactions can all stop you from speaking out. It seems when you do, no one believes you as the narcissist has already smeared your name, so others believe the narcissist and not you.

They say, “ You’re overthinking or overreacting”

They mean you have perfectly normal thoughts and reactions to their unbelievable yet real behaviour and normal reactions to their gaslighting lies; however, they don’t want you to wake up from the trance they put you under; instead, they need you to doubt and blame yourself so they can avoid being exposed for the very things they are doing to you, narcissists will make you ruminate and question everything about yourself in every way, they’ll make you feel like you’re to blame, they’ll cause feelings of guilt and shame within you, so you trust the narcissist’s toxic words and not your instincts. They will reap all the benefits of you working so hard to please them while they slowly manipulate and devalue you. while you work so hard to make it up to me

They “ You’re oversensitive.”

They mean they don’t want to validate your perfectly normal feeling as they love making you feel worse, which makes me feel better, they love how insensitive they can be, they love having power and control to take advantage of your kindness and hearing you trying to explain yourself to them, they love how they make you feel horrible when they intentionally did something that would hurt you. Yet, they’ve turned it all around to be your fault.

They say, “ I’m sorry you feel that way.”

They mean they’re not sorry; they’re just saying this so they can continue behaving the ways in which they do; they’re only ever sorry they got caught; they’ll never make an apology, as to them they’re always right; however, narcissists can say ” I’m sorry you, I’m sorry if, I’m sorry but.” Narcissists will always find a way to turn it onto you. They don’t care for how they made you feel; they care about not getting caught.

They say, “You’ll never find someone like me.”

They mean they think of themselves as perfect; they also fear abandonment, so they don’t want you leaving them, however as they are the self-entitled hypocrite, if they can replace you, they will.

Hopefully, this will explain to you why after coming out of a relationship with these people, you doubt everything around you and everyone. You might feel judged, silly and stupid; you could feel too scared to tell people to in case you sound crazy, you are not crazy, now is the time to rebuild yourself and cut negativity out of your and your children’s lives; you are not silly, crazy or stupid just because one person manipulated you, you just love hard, you’re loyal, honest and caring, you can heal yourself, you can move on. You may have anxiety; you can heal your anxiety.

How you felt and feel are normal, these are your feelings, and you are not alone; people out there do understand and have been through similar; trust yourself again, remember who you once was; you’ve allowed your thinking and mindset to be retrained, now you need to work on you to retrain your mindset, to positive thoughts, to who you want to be, know everyone’s allowed an opinion if you don’t agree move on no harm done, you can work on yourself. The best relationship you can have is one with yourself. So work on yourself today, tell yourself you can do this, and you so will. Love you for you.

Fifteen things narcissists say to distract you from the truth.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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Signs Of A Covert Narcissist.

Eight characteristics of a covert narcissist.

Coverts on the outside don’t often seem that bad as not all narcissists are physically abusive; their covert manipulation means many don’t recognise the narcissist’s games until out of the situation, all narcissists are confusing when we don’t understand what they do, yet coverts are so much more subtle in the way they go around things, like many narcissists their words never seem to match their actions; however they always seem to find the right words to justify their actions, they might not directly put you down, or they might do it in a way that appears to be like they are helping you, those backhanded compliments, “You’d look good in that if you lost some weight.” they might not scream and shout or lash out, you can just feel unseen or unheard as they neglect you, however when you speak up it’s those. “Not everything is about you.” So you don’t question their neglect; you question if you’re asking too much. They leave you feeling belittled by them and confused around them, questioning what they meant by that last remark.

It helps to listen to your body and your instincts; if something feels off, even if you don’t know what, those instincts are trying to protect you.

The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum. Most narcissists will use a weakness or strength within you to break you; they’ll exploit your weaknesses and get you doubting your strengths; they will use their manipulation tactics to suit their needs and depending on the person they are trying to manipulate. As we have the malignant, grandiose, fragile, somatic, cerebral, overt and covert, the victim narcissist on the spectrum, some are far more dangerous than others. You need to stay well clear, others; if you can manage your own state of mind and limit contact, you don’t have to cut them off completely; just be careful they don’t infect your mind, or negativity impact your freedom and your happiness.

Some once you see what they are and what they do, you can learn to observe their behaviour and recognise the games they play, so you no longer absorb their behaviour, giving them no reactions and leaving them to be wrong, some you can limit time around and avoid certain topics of conversation, some you need to stay well clear.

Those who have the disorder have a disorder, you can not change them, it’s a big enough job changing ourselves, plus they don’t want to recognise any faults within themselves to learn from mistakes and find strategies to cope with their disorder; they just prefer to pass the blame over to you and carry on their path of destruction.

Never call them out on their behaviour, those who lack empathy, you never know how they will act; if you don’t like how someone treats you, you are more than entitled to leave them to it and go live your life with them no longer in it, it’s not cruel, it’s not mean, to let someone who continuously lets you down and hurts you to go live their life. In contrast, you go and live yours, much wiser, much stronger, and so much happier.

Covert behaviour.

1. Lack of empathy.

Most narcissists have a complete lack of compassion; they are self-absorbed and often just think about themselves and getting their needs met; they will rarely to never be there for you when you need them the most; some people, when sick, will keep going. Therefore they might act, say or do things in a way you wouldn’t if someone else is sick, so for example, if someone with empathy is sick, yet will carry on, when you’re sick they might ask how you are, yet expect you to carry on, yet not judge you if you don’t, a covert narcissist will want, need and demand attention help and support when they are sick, yet when you are it’ll be things like. “You said you’d do this for me today.” Or “are you still going to take me here? You did promise me.” It will always be about them getting their needs met; if you don’t, they will hold it against you forevermore and use it against you when they need to bring it up, they’ll forget the part where you were so sick you couldn’t and remind you about the fact you didn’t do something for them, to guilt trip you into doing something for them.

2. Passive-aggressive.

Some covert narcissists deal with conflict or situations in passive-aggressive ways, often acting indirectly aggressive, which most narcissists can do, coverts do so most of the time, the show resistance to requests from those around them in more subtle ways, than the obvious overt who will tell you straight out, “I’m not doing that.” Or “I do things my way.” A covert might actually agree with a shrug of the shoulders, say “of course.” “Yes.” Or “as you wish.” When you ask them if they could help you out, then sit and do nothing, they might be sullen, sit and procrastinate or be stubborn about it; they might claim they forgot, they’ll not actually do it. When you ask why they didn’t, they might make up excuses or say things like. “I thought you meant this.” Or “Why didn’t you remind me.” And still not bother even though they agreed. They will conveniently forget. So if you ask them to grab something and they don’t, it’ll be. ” I forgot.” You feel let down as you thought they would, yet you can not really say anything as it could be a mistake. Yes, good people do forget and will often try to make it up. Covert conveniently forget on a regular basis, gaslight by saying, “I forgot.” They shrug their shoulders and never do anything about it.

3. Highly sensitive.

Most narcissists are sensitive to most forms of criticism, even constructive helpful criticism, where an overt might twist it onto you, provoke an argument so they can blame-shift a covert will most likely, defend themselves with snugness, seem to dismiss what you’ve said to them completely, or completely withdraw from the conversation, and go to their coping mechanism of the passive-aggressive silent treatment. Most do not let on that they have been offended and will continue to scheme to get people back if you’ve offered advice; they might just shut the conversation down; they might pity play, so you feel sorry for them and make excuses up for them. Things like. “It’s ok for you, and you got help from x; I have to do things for myself; no one ever helped me out.”

4. Misunderstood.

While most narcissists believe they are better than all others, unique and special. It’s ok to feel special; the difference is narcissistic people feel specially entitled, and above all others, they do not see people as individuals that are equal, and everyone is worthy; they only see themselves as righteous, a covert can feel like the world is against them, as most narcissists do, there are the overt that put the grand superiority act on. Then the covert who can act and speak more venerable and tell tails of how all others let them down and hurt them, overt will often say. “They can read people.” Coverts will say. “Nobody gets me.”

5. Entitlement.

A quiet smugness, entitlement, superiority. Once we learn about the disorder overt’s can be easier to spot with their charismatic charm and arrogance, that big act they put on in grand ways of how much better they are than others and their exaggeration of achievements, coverts are a little trickier, they tend to listen half-heartedly and observe what’s happening around them, they might not express negativity straight out like the overt who’d criticise what others say or do and put people down, coverts most often, eye roll, groan, eye glare, start yawing, dismissive gestures or get bored. Any comments made will be extremely judgemental and only from one point of view, which is as all narcissists their point of view only.

6. Self-absorbed.

Most narcissists do not pay attention or listen to others; with the overt, they will but in and take over conversations, not to be helpful, to make it all about them, coverts can be quieter. Therefore they might just look like they are listening and paying attention to you; they just zone out and block what you are saying; reasonable people can do this if they are busy or stressed over a situation, coverts do this most of the time, they make a quick judgement on whether the conversation will serve them. If not, their mind is out of there as they think about themselves.

7. Difficulty maintaining relationships.

Most narcissistic people find this difficult, as deep down, most are insecure individuals that run around telling so many lies, they don’t know who to trust; some have actually had some form of trauma and been deeply hurt in their past. However, this is no excuse to go around hurting others, genuine people who’ve been hurt go around helping others through, which in turn often helps them feel better. Narcissists go around destroying all others, pulling others down, criticising and judging others to help themselves feel better; most narcissistic people tend to follow the cycle of idealisation, devalue, discard and hoover. Some can stay in a relationship for years, others only months. Still, all have problems maintaining a healthy relationship with anyone close to them due to their lack of ability to compromise, their need for control, and the fact they never think anything is their fault, as they flip the script within their own minds, change the reality and end up believing their own lies while getting enables and flying monkeys to believe them also.

8. Patronising and condescending.

Most narcissists patronise people around them, all take people down, so those around them are left feeling not good enough; with an overt, it’s more “you can not do that.” Or “you’re crazy.” With a covert, they’ll say things more like. “I wouldn’t if I was you.” Or “I’m concerned for your mental health.”

The vulnerable narcissist.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach; she always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Everyday Words Narcissists Use To Gaslight You.

Gaslighting is one of the more common forms of a narcissists manipulation. Yet, when we are unaware of what this is, it’s difficult to see it happening to us while it is happening, however with more awareness, once we know, we can see it a mile away.

Gaslighting is psychological manipulation to distort someone’s reality, to make someone doubt themselves and reality so much they feel like they are going crazy, often by the very person who’s sending them the way, the narcissist saying. ”You’re crazy.” so that we doubt ourselves and doubt reality all the more.

These are some examples of everyday phrases you may have heard from a narcissist in your life used during an everyday conversation to confuse you, to keep control over you, or to provoke an emotional reaction out of you. To gaslighting and to manipulating you to conform to their ways. These phrases are people who are not on the disorder can say them; it’s all about the intentions behind the behaviour.

1. “You always.” They will use this with some form of criticism towards you, so you try to defend yourself against them.

2. “You never” this could be something and most likely is actually something you do for them. Yet, they throw around “you never,” like you do nothing for them, to get you to doubt yourself, to get you to try harder to please them, to get you to do more for them and tend to their every need. Leaving you speechless, confused or angry It’s also used as an excuse of why they’ll not do something for you.

3. “My ex wouldn’t do this.” Triangulation, so you compare yourself and try harder, or “my ex would always do that for me.” Triangulation to get you to break down your boundaries. Also, as they have smeared the exes name to you, it leaves you confused and hurt that they are comparing you to someone they hate. “My friend’s partner would.” Again Triangulation to get you to something You normally wouldn’t.

4. “Stop trying to control me.” This is usually when you’re trying to ask them about something they have done, something they promised to do yet never got around to it, or to compromise on something. However, as they want full control and compromise doesn’t exist in their minds, to them, it’s only ever their way, again, this is used, so you doubt yourself, start not wanting to speak up for what you want or what you believe in.

5. “If you loved me, you would.” This one is when you have reservations about doing something you wouldn’t normally do, and it leaves you feeling confused about whether you should do something or not. Leaving you questioning your own values and beliefs, dropping your guard and them getting to take more control over who you are, without you even realising.

7. “You’re overthinking, you’re overreacting, you’re too sensitive, you’re insecure, you’re crazy.” Any one of these is used usually when you’ve questioned them about something they have done, so they can turn it around onto you, again leaving you bewildered and believing you’re at fault. So they can get control over the conversation, ignoring what the conversation is actually about, and escaping any form of accountability.

8. “I don’t remember. I never said that. That never happened.” Used so the narcissist can escape any accountability and rewrite history on you.

9. “Not my problem.” This is where a narcissist will not take any form of responsibility as to them; any mistakes they make are your mistakes to deal with.

Their words over a prolonged period of time alter how you think and feel even after you’ve left them. You have to remove all their negativity from within your own mindset, and you have to work on finding yourself again, your beliefs again; it’s not easy to start, keep going through, you will get there. Sometimes it helps to write down those that you remember and the reality of what truly happened. To get back to your reality over what actually happened.

Fifteen things narcissists say to distract you from the truth.

Boundaries.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Detaching your thoughts.

Eight Minds Games A Narcissist’s Plays To Drive You Crazy.

Most people who’ve been around a narcissist question themselves and believe that they’re genuinely going crazy, that the narcissist will be the only one to “put up with them.” That they should be grateful for everything, the narcissist does for them. Narcissist’s play many mind games that causes cognitive-dissonance within our minds, so we believe we are the one with a problem, not realising the narcissist is the very person causing our self-doubt and causing our problems.

Cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is a state of mind when your own thoughts are conflicted. When your beliefs, realities or thoughts are being contradicted, as the narcissist leads you to believe one story, then delivers another that contradicts the first belief, causing psychological, mental stress within your mind, that stress releases cortisol which is addictive in itself. Yet to reduce the mental stress of the reality that’s so painful, your mind chooses to believe the less mentally stressful idea to relieve yourself of the painful thoughts leading you to downplay the narcissist’s abusive behaviour. How do they do this?

Gaslighting.

Gaslighting is one of the more common forms of a narcissists manipulation. Yet, when we are unaware of what this is, it’s difficult to see it happening to us while it is happening, however with more awareness, once we know, we can see it a mile away.

Gaslighting is psychological manipulation to distort someone’s reality, to make someone doubt themselves and reality so much they feel like they are going crazy, often by the very person who’s sending them the way, with the narcissist saying. ”You’re crazy.” so that we doubt ourselves and doubt our reality all the more.

Future Faking.

To give us false hope. The narcissist’s future faking is where the narcissist will use the future to get their needs met in the present by getting us to focus on the future promise that they will not deliver to gaslight us by selling us an illusion of something that was never meant to be.

Future faking is to hide things from us to distract us from the reality of what’s genuinely happening; they will promise something, and then when they don’t deliver on that thing, if we question them about it, it’ll be a case of. ” I’m sorry if only you.” to blame you for things that you possibly didn’t even do. Future faking is to sell you that hope that if only you did something, they would do something for you, to make you feel gratitude, so if they promise you something, then don’t deliver, them you ask them about it, they will come up with something they have done, or they will gaslight you into believing they did something they didn’t. They will say. ”what about when I.”

Projection.

Psychological projection is a defence mechanism used by a narcissist to defend their own ego against their own negative qualities, by denying the existence of their own inner faults and placing them onto others. A way to deny theirs and our reality A way of denying something they have done and passing the blame for their behaviour, thoughts or feelings onto others. They can be projecting thoughts, flaws, emotions, characteristics, actions and feelings that they don’t like within themselves.

They project to escape accountability for their own actions, thoughts or feelings by passing the blame over to someone else. A narcissists projection is often a mix of their manipulative Gaslighting and their manipulative Blame-shifting. As they go all out, distracting you from the truth, as they do their best to cover the truth with distorted lies, as they hide the truth of their toxic, hurtful, negative behaviour from you. At the same time, they get you to doubt and blame yourself and take on the responsibility of the narcissist’s actions, they get you to defend yourself to them for how you think or feel due to their hurtful ways, so they escape accountability, so they remain in control, and so they get away with their actions time and time again, while slowly sinking you further under their trance.

Blameshifting.

To avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour, switching the crazy-making behaviour over to someone else. When anyone confronts them or tries to set boundaries, the narcissist will change the whole focus onto the other person. So the narcissist can escape taking any form of responsibility for their actions by placing all the attention and blame onto the innocent party.

Narcissist do this with ease as they lack the empathy to care, they believe they are always right and are oblivious to how their behaviour affects others, only how peoples reactions might affect the narcissist, they refuse to listen to others, refuse to admit fault, and to the narcissist, any pain you’re in is your doing, any pain the narcissist is in will also be your doing. 

They make others feel guilt by blaming those around them so that the narcissist can remain in control. They exploit peoples feelings to punish people, to bring out the worst in people, to take advantage of people for their own gain.

Divide and conquer.

To create doubts in your mind about the intentions of those around you. A narcissist uses divide and conquer to break down relationships of those around them, to pull people away from support, so people can not learn the actual reality and expose the narcissists lies.

It’s used, so you become weaker as you lose not only your support network but through their many manipulative methods, you lose your trust not only in others but also within your judgment of others, becoming fearful of judgment. Hence, you become too afraid to speak to those around you about what’s happening to you. Divide and conquer helps the narcissist isolation of you.

Isolation.

Insolation. The state of being in a place or feeling alone, leading to feelings of loneliness, depression and anxiety.

Narcissistic people isolate you from others, so they have more control over you, as you only have them left to go to for reality checks. They will invalidate your thoughts, feelings and efforts, so you feel unworthy, so you never feel enough, and become unable to trust in others with a narcissist’s many manipulation tactics, including triangulation, where they play people off against each other to divide and conquer, they will put you down, so you work harder to please them, they will cause arguments, so you walk around on eggshells trying your personal best not to set them off. They do it so the narcissist is the only person you can turn to for support, not understanding they are the ones trying to destroy you. Once you’re isolated, it’s easier for them to intimidate you.

Intimidation.

The main reason a narcissist uses intimidation is, so you fear them, meaning you will conform to their demands out of fear. They also use it to manipulate you and cause you more confusion within your own mind, with subtle threats that make you wonder if it’s a real threat? If they’re messing around? If they will act on this threat or leave it be? They do this on purpose, so you are worried about the threat, but at the same time, you don’t want to make a fuss, or you also fear if you speak out, or to other people, they not believe you, they might think you’re overreacting, as the narcissist will tell you and others, “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re overreating.” or things like “You are imagining things.”

You are not overracting; any threat should be taken seriously, and you do not imagine things if it happened it happened.

Invalidation.

So the narcissist can take our self-belief and our self-worth, leaving us with self-blame and self-doubt.

Invalidation is when your thoughts, feelings, opinions, weight, shape, Job, hobbies, dreams, relationships, it can be a severe as everything about who you are and what you do is rejected, ignored, criticised and judged, by the narcissist.

Invalidation is another form of the narcissist’s manipulation, to take control of us, as we slowly fawn to their demands through their invalidation of us. Narcissists use invalidation to put us down so we don’t achieve, and they can feel superior.

When we are invalidated over a prolonged period of time, especially if it was our parents, but it can be by siblings, friends, teachers, partners etc., we begin to lose trust in our own thoughts and feelings. We lose faith in our own abilities, we end up with low self-esteem, full of self-doubts and often people-pleasing, so others don’t feel the pain we do. We begin to second guess everything we do and what those around us do, thinking everything is our fault, as even their manipulative gaslighting and blame-shifting invalidates our experiences and invalidates our reality. Invalidation makes us feel shame for being our true selves, for having feelings; it makes us close down who we are, for fear of being invalidated.

Self-help Recovery.

Creating your inner confidence and self-validation, so you observe others negativity and don’t absorb it. Confidence is not something anyone just has; it’s something they create for themselves.

Not everything is positive; try to find the positive in everything.

Start speaking up for yourself, no more I don’t mind, unless you genuinely don’t about that thing, start doing what you’d like to do for you.

Stop worrying about offending others, be tactful, yes, be humble, yes, but don’t deny yourself the truth of who you are; with good intentions, there is no wrong way or right way.

Face your fears head-on and overcome them one by one, not easy; start with the small ones; if it’s smiling at a stranger, keep doing it; when people start smiling back, it lifts you up, then looks for the next fear.

Dress how you want to dress, raise your head high and walk tall, dress to impress yourself.

Compliment others, genuine compliments, raising others up actually helps raise yourself up.

Focus on the good, things to be grateful for, look for something you have achieved.

Look to others for inspiration that has achieved, and they are human just like you; they will have had their ups and downs, perhaps different to yours, yet they’ll have had them; if they can do something, you can too.

Ignore the haters; they are not for you.

Make some You time each day to sit and reflect, give yourself credit for things you have achieved, progress made and something you are proud of.

Know within yourself; you have a right to feel how you feel, accept how you feel in the moment, learn to recognise the emotions and what they are teaching you, work through them.

Don’t allow frustration to let you feel shame; we all slip up, we all make mistakes, then our minds look for. “This always happens to me.” Or. “It’s going to be a bad day.” I knew I couldn’t do it; no point trying.” We then spiral into depression, most often left with these feelings after a narcissistic relationship, remind yourself that you are human; if Thomas Edison felt that way, he wouldn’t have invented the light bulb. Instead, he said. “I haven’t failed; I just found 10,000 ways it didn’t work.” Tell yourself to go again, you can, and you will.

Find your strengths and skills and work to create brighter things.

Some people believe having confidence makes them narcissistic, with good intentions towards others. This simply isn’t true; a narcissist has the arrogance and tries to build themselves up by destroying others; kind people build themselves up by helping others.

Remember, there is a difference between a confident narcissistic negative person. Their confidence is actually arrogance, as they believe they are better than all others.

Being an Empathetic, confident person means you have learned to be certain within yourself and your abilities.

Remember to beat any narcissist at any game. We have to just stop playing.

Gaslighting.

Future faking.

Projection.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

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The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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