9 Ways A Vulnerable Narcissist Could React To You Ending The Relationship.

When it comes to ending a relationship with someone who is entitled, exploitative, lacks empathy, you need to be careful how you do it.

Not all narcissists rage out at you when they fear losing control over you. There are many ways a narcissist will project that fear into you so they can regain control over you, to stop you from ending the relationship, at least until the narcissist can find a new supply and they end the relationship with you.

There are many methods a narcissist will use to keep you trapped within a relationship. Here are nine ways a vulnerable narcissist might use.

People not on the spectrum of the disorder can do these things, as they care about you because they desperately want the relationship to work. Narcissists use these to exploit you, to coercively control you, to deceive you and get their needs met by you.

A narcissist can seemingly sense when you’re about to end the relationship with them, so they can try many different covert methods to get you to stay.

1. Threaten to end the relationship.

As people can go through difficult times in a relationship and question if they should be in it, even when there is no emotional, psychological, physical abuse, therefore when someone wants to end a relationship with you, and you’re not abusive, you can relate to the doubts they are having not realising when it comes to a narcissist they’re not having doubts they’re manipulating. So when a narcissist threatens to end the relationship with you. We can question what we’ve done, how we can improve ourselves, question if we are the ones causing those issues within the relationship, question if we’re trying enough because we were thinking of ending the relationship.

A narcissist might not straight out end the relationship. They might say things like. “I love you, but I think we need a break. Perhaps you should move out for a while. Maybe we should see other people. Perhaps we need space.”

So you fear the relationship coming to an end, even though you might know within yourself the relationship needs to end, as you care for them, as you’re certain you are in a relationship, change is hard enough on its own, it’s even harder when the choice is taken away. It’s very difficult to end a relationship with someone you thought you’d build your life with, someone you care for, even when they don’t care for you.

When a narcissist threatens to end a relationship with you, and you stay, you’re going to have to live up to their unrealistic demands of you as they punish you for not living up to their expectations and threaten to end it every time don’t hit their unreasonable demands of you.

A narcissist only finds it hard to end a relationship if they haven’t got supply coming from elsewhere.

2. beg and plead with you to stay.

A narcissist might beg you not to leave. They might plead with you to give them yet another chance. They might beg you to let them put things right. They might guilt trip you with crocodile tears, and pity plays to pull on your compassion for walking away.

3. The guilt trip.

When a narcissist is committed to misunderstanding you claiming you misunderstand them, then when you’re thinking of ending the relationship, they’ll say things like. “I thought you got me, I thought you loved me.” or “after all I’ve done for you to create feelings of obligation within you.

Remember, when it comes to dealing with a narcissist, they only do for you so they can get something in return from you.

If you have children with a narcissist, they will use those children to guilt trip you with their lines of “what about the children.” so you feel compelled to stay for your children. Not realising the narcissist doesn’t care for those children, they care to exploit the children to get their own way.

4. Promise to change.

A narcissist will suddenly want to buy your time with those false promises of change, or they’ll suddenly start wanting to do all those things you wanted to do with them that they didn’t want to do with you. A narcissist might promise to seek help and support, to go to therapy, however as soon as you give a narcissist a chance, they just change back into who they are, the person you wanted to leave, they find excuse after excuse to justify why they haven’t gone to therapy, haven’t changed.

A narcissists future faking Hoover, when they promise to go to therapy in the future to get their own way in the present, then when the future becomes the present, a narcissist will claim, “I never said that.”

Once you stay or go back, they don’t change because they got their needs met.

5. Future faking.

A narcissist will ask you not to break up with them over a silly disagreement. They might appeal to popular opinion claiming relationships are hard work, people fall out all the time, claim you’re going through a rough patch. Things will get better. However, when you are with a narcissist, things only ever get better temporarily while they meet a need of their own, then once their needs are met, things only ever get worse. Narcissists might promise to get married, look at buying a house, have a baby, go on holiday, ask what you’d like, yet as soon as they suck you back in, their behaviour gets worse.

6. Start encouraging you to do all the things you love to do.

Where once they started random arguments to stop you from doing the very things that make you who you are, the things you enjoy, the things that fill you with joy, suddenly they’re going to encourage you to do these things again, they’ll keep you that tired through conflict through sleep deprivation. They’ll get you that drained you no longer know who you are, no longer feel like you have the time to see your friends and family, they devalue your hobbies, they get you to question yourself, “is that course really for you.” then when you’ve finally had enough of not being able to live a free life they’ll say, “perhaps you should go out more, maybe you should look into that course, I can help with the children/home while you study.” the narcissist wants to appeal to your dreams, to give you that false sense of hope.

7. They start doing all the things you wanted to do.

In the beginning, when they were selling themselves to you, selling your dreams to you, future faking with you, and because they were selling you an illusion to get their needs met, once their needs were met, they stopped doing these things with you, to then breadcrumb you back into the relationship to give you the false hope, they’ll start doing all the things they said they would do. As soon as their feet are back under that table, they change the game on you.

8. Play the victim.

When they come at you with. “How could you of all people do this to me.” they might threaten to take their life. They will do all they can to guilt-trip you into helping them. They might have a sudden life-threatening illness that later down the line you discover they didn’t have at all.

It’s hard to walk away from someone you care for who is threatening to take their life. A narcissist wants to use this, so you feel responsible and fear what they might do if you leave, call ONE of their family members or ONE friend, report to local authorities to help them, ask yourself would they genuinely be there for you if you needed them if there was nothing in it for them?

9. They suddenly need you.

When in the relationship you couldn’t do right for doing wrong, then when you want to end the relationship. The once seemingly independent narcissist might suddenly need your help around the home to fix their car. They’ll be full of gratitude and praise towards you. They will play the victim to get you to come and help them. Once they have open communication with you, they’ll go overboard with flattery, telling you how well you work together, look at what you could have together. To keep you trapped in the relationship.

As soon as you take a narcissist back, they change back into the person you were trying to leave.

You can not help those who are only using the fact they need help to exploit you, not to get the help they need to change.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Do Narcissists Listen To You? (Understanding Narcissism.)

Why don’t narcissists listen to your thoughts, feelings and opinions? Why do they dismiss your thoughts, feelings and opinions? Why do they only ever hear what they want to hear?

When having a conversation with narcissists, if it doesn’t refer to them, if it doesn’t match their thought, feelings or opinions, they’re not interested. In the beginning, in the idealisation stage, a narcissist will listen to everything you’re saying so they can best pick and choose the information they can use against you, from mirroring you to future faking with you, to sell you an illusion of who they are, based on who you are, they’ll like the same things as you, share the same dreams as you, want the same things as you, so you are led to believe you’ve met someone who seems to truly understand you as you do think you do them. Or later on, using your biggest insecurities and fears against you. Once they have you where they want you, they’re no longer going to be listening to you.

Narcissists aren’t interested in a two-way conversation when they come to talk to you about their day, their woes in life if you try to agree with them. “Oh yes, I know how you feel this.” They’re not interested in what happened to you, they’re not interested in a two-way conversation, they’re not looking for advice on what helped you through, they’re looking for soul attention, they’re not interested in your opinions of solutions to help them, they’re identity is based on that pity play they’re selling you to gain attention for themselves, To a narcissist, nobody has ever achieved as much as a narcissist, and no one has ever suffered as much as a narcissist.

When you think of a method to help them with something, they’re not listening because it’s not their idea. They’re more bothered that they didn’t think of it themselves. You might see them using your advice further down the line. Yet, they’ll come to tell you about the day they were having or the woes, yet they’ll tell you this amazing idea they came up with, looking for praise as you stand there thinking that’s the exact solution you gave them, that they dismissed a few weeks ago. This can leave you utterly dumbfounded. As they stand telling you, they thought of your idea that they once criticised. A Narcissist wants to be better than thou no matter what the cost is to you.

As a narcissist lacks in empathy, in a conversation, they’ll be extremely dismissive. They will dismiss your feelings, your opinions, your ideas, your memories. If you’ve achieved something, they’ll dismiss it or twist the conversation around onto how you couldn’t have done it without them, how you should thank them, how you should be eternally grateful towards them for your achievement. Or they’ll discuss how their achievements are better than yours, how their role in the family is more important than yours, how their job is more important than yours.

Narcissists aren’t interested in your success. Often they’re envious of your success because they feel inferior within themselves. It’s nothing you’ve done or could do. It’s their personal issues that, if they are aware or not, they will find a scapegoat to blame for. The narcissist being envious of your success is them telling themselves that they don’t feel adequate, that they don’t feel good enough. Not that they want to admit this to others, let alone themselves.

If something isn’t about a narcissist, if the narcissist isn’t getting their own way, they’re not interested in listening to others.

You can find yourself repeating information to them, such as an upcoming important family event, or about something their children are doing. If a narcissist doesn’t want to be involved because it’s not about them, they’ll keep forgetting, yet claiming you didn’t tell them, or you know what their memory is like. As this feels rational, a narcissist swiftly with ease passes responsibility over to you for them being a no show for other people’s special events, even events that include their children. They’ll find a way to sulk or twist it onto how it’s someone else fault the narcissist was a no show. A narcissist will shame another to avoid their own inner feelings of shame, as to a narcissist, anything they do wrong or anything perceived as wrong is always someone else fault. A narcissist seldom listens to anything if it doesn’t involve themselves in a way that suits the narcissist.

When a narcissist isn’t listening to you, they’re devaluing your thoughts, feeling and opinions. They’re invalidating you to feel better about themselves.

Some narcissists, when you are trying to discuss important things, will change the subject, others will provoke feelings of frustration within you or distract you, some narcissists will pretend to fall asleep or fall silent in a way it seems they’re thinking and about to respond to have a two-way conversation. However, they either stay silent, invalidate you or change the subject on you. Or you can start a conversation off, you speak I speak, a narcissist will keep interrupting you, to frustrate you so that they can gain a reaction out of you, so they can blame your reaction for why they’re not listening to you.

It is very confusing talking to a narcissist when you don’t understand the games they play. You’re often left fearing speaking out because you are lead to believe by the narcissist who apparently cares for you that people don’t listen to you, your subconscious thought is trained into believing what you think or feel isn’t of importance when genuine people would be interested as you’re interested in others, it’s self-entitled narcissistic people that are not interested because they’re only interested in themselves and getting their needs met.

It’s very invalidating being around or trying to communicate with a narcissist due to how a narcissist communicates. You’re the one left feeling like you’re not enough, like what you have to say isn’t important.

A Narcissist might ask you to do something for them. When they do, they can swoop in with an offer that’s too good to be true. When dealing with narcissistic people, anything that seems too good to be true usually is too good to be true, as it’s too good to be true you can just sense something feels off, you might not want the conflict or arguments, as when we don’t do exactly what a narcissist wants us to do, or when we disagree with them, when we say no to them, they take this as criticism and throw an almighty tantrum, they can be very persuasive, very intimidating, very dismissive, they can be extremely argumentative. Yet, they claim they don’t want to argue with you. Once they’ve baited you into that argument, they’ll blame you for the argument, so you might say, “I’ll think about it.” To give yourself time to retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so. When you think “no” and explain to them, it’s a no. A narcissist is going to want your explanation. Suddenly they’re going to want to listen to you. Suddenly they’ll ask why, which is a trap, we might explain as we are lead to believe we might finally be heard. However, that narcissist is only going to listen to what they can use against us to further manipulate our thoughts and feelings to their gains. Some will even say “what’s changed you agreed.” when all you did is said was “ok I’ll think about it.” All a narcissist hears is ok.

Narcissists are very insincere people who offer you things that are too good to be true, then justify, rationalise, blame or shame, you to get you to explain yourself to them, so they can use your sincerity against you to serve themselves, to provoke you, to frustrate you. Narcissists never want to know why to find a middle ground to compromise. They want to know why so that they can twist everything you say and use it against you. Narcissists want to provoke you to get you going to get you to react to them so that they can blame you for your reactions to distract you from their actions. So the narcissist can feel better about themselves. When you learn to no longer, communicate with them, and you no longer respond to their why or you just repeat your original answer, A narcissist is then going to get offended. At that point, they come at you and claim that you already agreed to something you didn’t even agree to, to bait you into the argument with them, so that they can make you feel bad so that they can guilt trip you so that they can manipulate you to get their own way with you.

The less you give into them, the more they going to accuse you of being awkward, of being selfish, of causing the arguments so that you’re the one that’s left feeling bad, and they can continue exploiting you.

In a conversation with a narcissist, they are only going to hear what they want to hear. They are only going to hear what works in their best interest what works in their favour. Because they believe they are special, they believe they are entitled. They believe that they are above others. They believe that rules don’t apply to them; however they believe those rules apply to you.

When a narcissist offers you something that’s too good to be true, they believe that you should be lapping that offer up. A narcissist takes it as criticism when you recognise that that offer is too good to be accurate and say no to them. The narcissist will then get offended. The narcissist will then seek to punish you, and whether you communicate with them or not, they’re only going to hear exactly what they want to hear, they’re not going to hear what you are trying to explain to them they’re not going to hear or see your point of view. simply because they’re not interested in your point of view that interested in getting their own way.

A narcissist will not listen to you, but they’ll argue the point of what they wanted to hear you say by claiming you said something that you didn’t say. To get you on the defensive, so you start trying to explain to them you didn’t even say it. They can then begin to claim that you’re the one that’s losing your memory. You’re the one that’s losing your mind to confuse you.

A narcissist wants to get you to rationalise, justify, explain and defend yourself to them, so they don’t have to to you, all because you didn’t give them the answer that they originally wanted when you fall into the trap of explaining yourself to a narcissist a narcissist will then use any bits of your explanation they can against you. to emotionally manipulate you to guilt-trip you to blackmail you to get you to question and doubt yourself so that the narcissist can get their own way.

A narcissist wants to invalidate you. They want to put you down. They want you to feel worse so they can feel better about themselves

When you tell them of something of importance that’s not important to them, it might be something extremely important to their own children; however, if it’s not relevant for the narcissist, the narcissist is not interested. a Narcissist will then claim that you never told them so that the narcissist can pin all the blame on you so that they can escape the responsibility of who they are as a person and what they do to others.

When you do have to communicate with a narcissist, especially over things like children, it’s best to do things via email or message to have it written down. Recognise within yourself that the narcissist is still going to only read the parts that they want to read.

A narcissist is only ever going to interpretate A message, an email, a conversation as to what they want to hear.

There’s nothing you can do to get a narcissist to see your point of you. If it doesn’t match there’s, then they’re not interested in yours.

A narcissist is not interested in listening to your point of view. They’re interested in hearing their own point of view. They’re interested in being right, they’re interested in being in control, they’re interested in getting their entitlement, they’re interested in getting their unreasonable expectations met, and they lack the empathy to care for how their behaviour affects you or those around you.

So when it comes to a narcissist, they are listening to you; however, they’re only listening to what they want to hear. Anything that doesn’t match the narcissist’s narrative will be ignored, criticised, judged, dismissed, invalidated. They are going to come at you and claim you said things that you never even said, deny that you said something that you did actually say. Which is the narcissists gaslighting, and it’s extremely confusing when you don’t recognise what they’re doing.

When it comes to dealing with a narcissist, retreat, rethink and only respond if you need to do so. Recognise they’re not going to hear your response in the way you meant and said they’re only ever going to hear it in a way they can use it against you, so respond once and once only. The best way to deal with a narcissist is don’t deal with a narcissist, go no contact and go and live your best life not always possible in which case it needs to be limited contact and grey rock you don’t have to take part in every argument you’re invited to.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

The Covert Narcissists Quiet Smugness.

When you’re trying to have a conversation with a narcissist, something they disagree on, something they promised and then changed their mind, something you’ve achieved and they don’t want to know, have you noticed how they’ll bring an experts opinion in that matches their opinions to invalidate yours? Claim “if only you’d have done this.” then they would have done that, or “I never said that.” or “ anyone could do that it’s nothing special, I suppose that makes you better than me, you could only do it because I supported you.” Then the narcissist will bait you into reacting, so you feel a need to apologise to them. They can then act all smug as they walk off humming or singing away to themselves because they know they got you going.

A narcissist often feels smug over the pain they have caused you, or they’ve got a way with something they shouldn’t be doing, or they have great satisfaction in the fact they’ve done something others don’t know anything about, or they’ve humiliated you, shamed you, invalidated you. This shows on one level that narcissists are aware of what they’re doing, whether that’s on a conscious level or subconscious, depends on the narcissist and what they’ve done.

The narcissist often feels contempt. The meaning of contempt is a despising or lack of respect, full disobedience, with an intense dislike. Narcissists feel contempt as they believe they are superior to all others and think they’re entitled to control and take advantage of others. They think if people aren’t doing what they want, they believe that others are then worthless or beneath them, as a narcissist lacks in empathy, they have a complete disregard for how their actions might have affected those around them, only how the actions of others affect the narcissist themselves, or when a narcissist feels happiness and pleasure in the pain or suffering of another.

Narcissists like their ego to be stroked. They do for others in order to receive something in return. When they don’t get the credit, praise or eternal gratitude, they believe they’re entitled to this damages their ego, and they seek to punish you. Once they’ve hurt you, they feel better within. They feel a sense of pride and smugness. That self-serving satisfaction that they got one over on you.

A narcissist feels superior to others. If your point of view doesn’t match theirs, they seek to bring you down. You can say something that doesn’t match their beliefs, and they’ll eye roll you or let out a heavy sigh to make you feel inferior to get you to question and doubt yourself.

If you’ve achieved the narcissists wants to dismiss your achievements or take credit for them.

A narcissist will not acknowledge their own weaknesses, mistakes, vulnerabilities. However, they’ll happily point out all of yours. Once you feel frustrated, hurt, judged, once they get you all defensive because the narcissist is incredibly offensive, they’ll walk of humming or singing, they’ll fall silent, to infuriate you, so you react to them, they can play the victim, blame you, to feel better about themselves, and get their ego stroked as you do all you can to make it up to them for the very thing they’re doing to you.

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic people, we have to recognise who they are and what their behaviour is telling us. We have to step away from how they once made us feel about them with their love bombing, future faking and mirroring, and recognise how they make us think, unhappy, confused, hurt, not enough, self-doubt, frustration, pain, anger and resentment, we have to recognise we are never going to get those who only want us to see their point of view to see ours. As much as we might be able to see theirs, we don’t have to change ours to suit them, especially when they are unwilling to meet us halfway when things have to be their way and their way only.

The best way to deal with a narcissist is to detach yourself from them emotionally. When they can no longer control your emotions, they lose control over you. No contact or, if that’s not an option, limited contact and grey rock.

They might be able to provoke thoughts and feelings within you. You have to take control over what those thoughts and feelings are telling you. Your mind controls your emotions, and you control your mind.

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Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Are Narcissists Aware That They Hurt You? (Understanding Narcissism.)

Are narcissists aware of their behaviour? Do they know the impact their selfish behaviour has on those around them?

We can make sweeping generalisations based on the research done by psychologists, therapists, survivors and other professionals. Also based on the nine criteria of the narcissist personality disorder.

Whether a narcissist is aware they hurt you or not all depends on the narcissist, you’re dealing with.

When a narcissist suffers a psychological injury when they feel their sense of entitlement wasn’t met, when they’re envious of another’s possessions, looks, qualities, Career, when they feel control slipping when they feel like they’re being judged when someone doesn’t agree with them, when they feel like your calling them out on things they’re entitled to do, however with their double standards you wouldn’t be allowed to do. A narcissist can suffer a narcissistic injury, and once they’ve suffered this blow to their ego, a narcissist can then seek to hurt the person who injured that narcissists ego, who didn’t dance to the narcissist’s tune, didn’t say yes, didn’t have the same opinion as to the narcissist.

Narcissists seek to punish those who go against who the narcissist is. They believe people who disagree with them have gone against them, so the narcissist seeks to punish them, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, sexually, psychologically, anyway the narcissist can that will hurt the person, a narcissist can obviously punish another in overt ways or subtlety in covert ways. However, they punish another a narcissist will always twist the story that the other person deserved to suffer. Because the narcissist suffered a narcissistic injury, many narcissists use this to justify their unjust behaviour towards others.

You can simply arrange to go out with friends an everyday thing many people do, the narcissist is allowed to see their friends however as they are the self-entitled hypocrite they’ll go all out to make it as difficult as possible for you to see yours while blaming you, and if you dare to go they’ll seek to punish you while blaming you as in the narcissist’s eyes you shouldn’t have gone, however, if they see your not buying into their games they might go for the pity plays of them having a difficult time, they needed your support, you don’t understand them, to guilt-trip you, a narcissist will always seek for ways to put you in between a rock and a hard place, so you’re dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t. If you go, they seek to punish you, making you late, locking you out, falling silent on you and many more.

Once a narcissist has punished someone, the narcissist seeks to gain a reaction, shaming, blaming, judging, criticising, invalidating, downplaying their behaviour and exaggerating your reactions, so the narcissist isn’t held responsible for the narcissists own behaviour so that they can pass the blame over to the other person.

So yes, narcissists seek to hurt others. When a narcissist doesn’t get their own way, they seek to punish those who didn’t give the narcissist what the narcissist wanted. However, a narcissist will not admit to this, so they quickly shift the blame, or they play the victim to gain sympathetic attention.

When you don’t say exactly what a narcissist wants you to say, they seek to punish you. A narcissist can walk into the house looking at their phone. You can ask if they had a good day, the narcissist can ignore you, the more you ask, the more the narcissist will ignore, leaving you ruminating over what you’ve done when you’ve done nothing, the narcissist’s sense of entitlement took a blow, their ability to be rude to you, if you ask what’s wrong they’ll not tell you instead they’ll find a way to blame you, you didn’t answer your phone fast enough at lunch. However, you can not win with a narcissist, if you answer your phone quick enough, because they want to look at their phone and ignore you, they will, if the next day you don’t ask how their day was, this will criticise the narcissist’s belief they are special, and you’ll not be giving the narcissist the attention they believe they’re entitled to so the narcissist will seek to punish you.

If you’re at a party and talk to someone else, they’ll feel criticism that you didn’t pay them soul attention, so they’ll seek to punish you and gain attention elsewhere, right in front of you, to feel better about themselves, and when you ask them, they’ll accuse you of being “jealous.” Projection of how the narcissist felt why they sought to get revenge on you.

Once a narcissist has brought you down, they’ll often have that smirk on their face and act all calm because they feel like they’ve got one over on you.

This is who a narcissist is due to the disorder’s criteria, envy, entitlement, exploitation, lack of empathy, requiring excessive attention, a belief they are special, arrogance, preoccupied with self, grandiosity, and a narcissist would have at least five of these.

When you go to communicate with a narcissist because they are insincere exploitative people, you’re not going to get sincere communication with them. Instead, you’ll get the word salad tossed at you because they’re trying to hide the truth from you. After all, they believe you deserve what they’re doing to you because they didn’t get what they wanted. ( no one deserves abuse.)

Due to the criteria, this is who narcissists are. It is their internal dialogue, their thought process that’s been that way for a long time, you did not cause it, and you can not change it.

With some narcissists they intentionally set out to hurt you through their conscious thought, with a detailed plan where they seek to destroy you.

With other narcissists, it’s instinctive, through learned behaviour of what works for them, through their subconscious thought, it’s who they are, it’s how they get away with things. How they avoid taking responsibility, how they avoid being held accountable, how they pass responsibility over to others so the narcissist can avoid consequences of their behaviour, never learning, never growing, stick on a pattern of repeat.

Narcissists are incredibly entitled people with a willingness to exploit others to get their needs met. Whether or not they are aware they lack the empathy to care for how their behaviour affects those around them, they only care about avoiding taking responsibility.

Narcissists believe they’re always right, meaning to a narcissist, everyone else is wrong.

If they are aware they know what they’re doing, and you can not help them, they lack the empathy to care.

If they’re not aware of what they’re doing, they don’t believe they have a problem, and you can not help them.

It’s not your responsibility to help those unwilling to learn from their behaviour. It’s not your job to save people who are reluctant to take a look at themselves.

The more you try to help a narcissist, the more a narcissist believes they are right and the more this enables the narcissist to do their worst.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

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All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.