The narcissist future faking it’s where the narcissist will use the future to get their needs met in the present by getting us to focus on the future promise that they will not deliver to gaslight us by selling us an illusion of something that was never meant to be.
Future faking is to hide things from us to distract us from the reality of what’s truly happening. The narcissist will promise something, and then when they don’t deliver on that thing, if we question them about it, it’ll be a case of. ” I’m sorry if only you.” to blame you for things that you possibly didn’t even do. Future faking is to sell you that hope that if only you did something, they would do something for you, to make you feel gratitude, so if they promise you something, then don’t deliver. You asked them if they will come up with something they have done, or they will gaslight you into believing they did something they didn’t. They will say. ”what about when I.”
Narcissist future fake too.
Get their needs met
Distract us from the truth
Persuade us into doing something we don’t want to do.
Breakdown our boundaries
Alter our beliefs
Give us false hope.
Future faking pulls on our emotions, our hopes, our wishes, our desires, our dreams, and our happiness. They hold our beliefs about what our future will be like. They show glimpses, yet the longer we’re around them, the less they’ll deliver on those promises unless we begin to wake from the trance they put us under. They’ll offer that intermittent play nice and deliver on a promise, as we can be so grateful for this, we can then shower them with attention. They might deliver more, depending on what needs of theirs needs to be met at that time, they will throw us the crumbs, just enough to keep us hungry for more. It’s hard walking away from parents, childhood friends, siblings, partners, that dream job. As we hold beliefs as to who they can be and what life should be, yet we repeatedly get hurt by them. We have beliefs of what family life will be like, yet when that family life becomes painful, our beliefs of what it could be like, keep us trapped in the reality of what it’s really like, that and fear, and of course, the Narcissists psychological manipulation of our reality and our minds.
Common future faking phrases.
I’ll never hurt you.
I should move in with you, should move in with me, often very quickly after meeting.
I’ll go to counselling. I’ll change, I’ll not do it again, I will seek help, I need your help.
I’ll pay you back.
Let’s go on holiday.
Let’s get married, let’s buy a house, let’s have a baby, no one can ever come between us.
I’ll not tell anyone you can trust me.
I’ll always love you.
If you just give me one more chance.
I need your help. ￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼￼
They might actually deliver some of those future fakes. Still, there will be strings attached as whatever they do is to exploit others to get their needs met, they will also make sure they use your past against you to deliver you all your worst nightmares, which often leaves us completely confused, feeling like we are going crazy, full of self-doubt, full of anxiety full of fear, and many more.
They future fake.
￼They will idealise in the love-bombing stage. This is where they shower us with words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, excessive gifts. They get to know all our hopes, all our dreams, all our desires. They mirror and match them like for like and sell our own dreams back to us.
- You’re my soulmate. I’ve never met anyone like you. We should get married, why don’t you start looking at wedding venues.
- I really think we should have a child together.
- You should quit your job and move in with me. I can provide for both of us.
- I’m at yours all the time, and look how much I help you. I should move in. Then I’m always around for you.
- Let’s start looking at houses to buy.
- I just want to wake up with you every morning and snuggle up every evening.
- I’d like us to travel the world together when we retire. I could really see us having so much fun together.
- I just knew you were the one for me. We are so good together, perfect fit.
- I would never hurt you.
- I can not wait to have a family with you, grow old together and have our grandchildren visit.
- We are so good together.
With the financial abuse, they will ask to borrow money, and then they will promise to pay you back in the future. However, when it comes to the future, they will claim that if we love them, we wouldn’t ask for it back, or they just need a little bit more time. They make us feel guilty for asking them to hold out on what they claimed they’d be doing, to escape any consequences for their lies, they’ll gaslight and deny with, what money? I never said that.
- When I’ve paid this loan we can get the house, I think that one’s perfect.
- I’ll make up for it. I’ll take you on holiday. You pick, I’ll pay.
- I didn’t get a bonus next year we can have a holiday.
- I’m a little short. I promise I’ll not be next week.
- I will pay you back.
They will discard people to distract from what is genuinely happening to that person, so the narcissist can escape accountability so that there aren’t any consequences to their actions so that they don’t have to work any harder than they want to. Many try to discard in a way that keeps you clinging onto hope they’ll say things such as.
- I love you. I just need a break from you.
- I promise I just need a break. We will sort things out.
- I’m just stressed and need a time out. I will be back.
A narcissist will future fake in the Hoover stage because they want to suck us back in to treat us like dirt to spit us back out again all those false promises of I’ll go to counselling, let’s get married, I need your help, can we be friends? Let’s start that family, let’s go on holiday, it’s all future faking to distract you from the past to breadcrumb you into that false hope of something that they will not deliver or if they do deliver, they’ll expect eternal gratitude. Narcissists will use it against you forevermore with the whole remember when, what about when I, you’re so ungrateful.
- Can we go to counselling together?
- I will change for you, I see how incredible you are, and I needed to realise you were the only one for me.
- I promise I’ll not hurt you this time.
- I’ll never let you or the children down again.
- I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just needed space.
- I know I don’t deserve you, I’ll buy you that home, and we will get married.
- I need your help.
- We were good together, and we can be again
The narcissist will mirror to get to know who you are as a person so that they can exploit you for who you are as a person they will offer you the things that you want the most. Usually, they will have claimed that they want those things too, so not only do you live in the hope that you can achieve these things together, you feel guilty walking away from them because you believe that they want them also so you work harder to please them not realising it’s all their future faking manipulation.
A narcissist has the characteristics of exploitation. They are someone who tricks people, persuades people, cheats people, manipulates people into believing something that isn’t true.
Future faking causes that cognitive dissonance within our minds, that confusion, the brain fog, as we end up living two or more realities, two or more belief systems that just don’t fit together which no matter how much we try to match those jigsaw pieces up, a narcissist is always sneakily pulling another one out from behind our back, then claiming it was nothing to do with them, it must have been us, how can we not remember, they manipulate in the cruellest ways, future faking destroys our trust in others. Our trust within ourselves, it’s can leave us questioning our memories, blaming ourselves, overthinking in a negative way, withdrawing from people, and full of self-doubts.
Starting to believe in yourself again￼, learning to listen to and trusting in your instinct.
Create your own dreams.
Walk alongside people￼.
Let people go￼.
Only allow people to treat you how you would treat them. ￼￼￼
Remember you are in control of yourself, our dreams are our responsibility, we don’t give our power away by telling others, as not everyone is going to be happy for you, especially not a narcissist, they’ll be jealous of you and want to take those dreams away from you in any way they can.
There is no wrong with having hopes and dreams. In fact, it’s a must and a part of life to get you out of bed every day, having that vision, that hope, that passion, it’s never your fault that a narcissist took advantage of your kind heart that’s on them, they missed out not you. There’s no wrong in having hopes, wishes and dreams with someone who had those same desires to you, however, we have to learn to recognise when others repeatedly let us down on the small things in the beginning, and it leaves us feeling disappointed. They invalidate those feeling when they don’t call or pick you up because they ”fell asleep.” and you get an” I promise next time.” only next time, they repeat the last time. So it’s not just once, it’s not then because they fell asleep once, it’s because they don’t care. Those people are not the ones to have hopes and dreams with they will dash them at every turn, and you deserve better when we keep hoping they change to the person they say they’ll be, while they continue to show us the person they are, we are the ones left feeling hurt, confused, angry and frustrated. It’s ok to no longer be there for those who were never truly there for you.
Remember you are enough.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.