The Grandiose, Overt narcissists.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum. Those who have the disorder will have at least five of the nine Characteristics . How they act is like they all read from the same book. However, they are individuals, and their personalities differ from narcissist to the narcissist in the way in which they portray themselves to be. The way in which they manipulate those around them, someone can have one or two traits and simply be an annoying idiot, being confident, for example, that doesn’t make someone a narcissist.
We ourselves can often wonder at times if we are the narcissist, as most people can act in one way or another like one or might have in their past, the Difference is we can reflect on our behaviour, we don’t exploit others, and we have empathy for others, we can learn from our mistakes. Someone who has the disorder will look to blame those around them and never themselves.
People who have the narcissist personality disorder, are extremely self-centred, they are arrogant, they exploit those around them, they lack the empathy to care for those they hurt, they are often very Jealous of others achievements, they believe they are special and feel entitled to receive special attention, they are often preoccupied with power and success.
Those who have the disorder are very reluctant to change, as they go around, causing endless problems and heartache to those who love them. Yet, the narcissist will blame the very people the narcissists’ actions are hurting for why the narcissist themselves is not living the life that narcissist believes themselves to be entitled to.
First, You need to identify what you’re dealing with, then move on with your life. If someone’s abusive has a lack of empathy, exploits others, whatever they are, find a way to safely get out and stay out.
The grandiose narcissist is the one most people think about, those with the looks, the money, the charm, the confidence, and those around them mistake their Arrogance for confidence, their manipulation for charm.
As the disorder is on a spectrum, and as those who have the disorder are individuals, their personalities can differ, which is why most researchers and psychologist have categorised them.
A lot will compare the grandiose to those who are famous, which for some it’s true, however many famous people worked hard to get where they are and didn’t exploit others to get there, often they were exploited, especially child stars.
A grandiose narcissist can just as easily be your neighbour, your boss, your parent, that incredible new partner you’ve just met telling you all about their fabulous holidays, yet not interested in listening to you.
Most narcissist tactics are covertly hidden, the grandiose is more outrageous, more the Overt narcissist, as they usually believe themselves to be special and with their charm, they often lead those around them to agree.
A grandiose like other narcissists believe they have a right to everything, and they are self-entitled, they do believe they are special. They have a lack of Empathy, think they are better than all around them, and they believe they are good enough.
All narcissist are all manipulative, they have their Admiration face, where they put on the charm and seek positive attention, then they have the envy face, where they seek to destroy those they perceive to be doing better than them or break free from them. They all try their best to hide who they truly are. They just have different ways of doing it. Some are only more direct and more outrageous in the way they twist everything.
Grandiose, overt or as some say obvious narcissism, most often have no self-awareness and are oblivious to the impact they have on those around them.
They are the kind of people you want at a party if things are going their way. They will be the life and soul of the party. They are fun to be around.
Signs of a grandiose narcissist.
- Extremely self-centred.
- Extremely stubborn,
- No respect for boundaries,
- They will still play the victim when needed.
- They are manipulative,
- The tell countless lies,
- They are false,
- They exaggerate their achievements,
- They will manipulate anything, everything and everyone.
- They feel superior to others.
- They have a sense of entitlement.
- They have a very inflated ego.
- They dominate and exploit, lying and cheating their way to the top.
- They see others as an extension of themselves.
- They are incredibly dominant and very charming, which draws people to them, they easily seduce, and when their needs are no longer being met, they move quickly onto the devaluation and discard phase.
- When their attempts to exploit others aren’t successful, or their demands and self-entitlement are not being met. They have anger and rage. They will destroy others that don’t conform to their demands.
- They can be prone to boredom.
- They are extremely jealous of others and very egotistical.
- Overt Narcissist is very grandiose very in-your-face and very assertive.
- They can be impulsive and big risk-takers.
The grandiose, although they can act covertly they are often overt, meaning they openly show themselves as to who they are, as they are often oblivious to the effect their behaviours have on those around them, they also usually have. Army of Enablers supporting their behaviour, they often have the monetary items that help with their feelings of superiority.
They believe they are special, and as those around them often look up to them, either mistaking their arrogance for confidence or through all the narcissist Future Faking, living in the hope the narcissist will deliver on those dreams the narcissist promises and sometimes delivers. Or through fear as anyone who is perceived to criticise them will be Devalued and Discarded in devastating ways, often followed with a mass Smear campaign with the narcissist’s supply of Flying Monkeys. They have exaggerated beliefs of their own self-importance, they expect and can demand admiration, they don’t want to wait in line, they want to skip to the front of the Que in anything they do, often exploiting others along the way.
They often have the ego to match their arrogance, they will want to paint the perfect picture to the outside world of how well life is working out for them, and when it isn’t, that, of course, will be someone else fault, as they stick with their black to white Cognitive Distortions thinking. They’re often oblivious to any overspending which they’ll blame on a spouse if any awareness is made.
Fantasies of power and success.
With their belief in the fact they are special and entitled, they often have great fantasies of status, wealth and perfection, whatever that perfection is to the individual narcissist, career, home, looks, family, money etc. However, they’ll not want to work for it, and they’ll not be humble about it. Instead, they’ll exaggerate all achievements, and they’ll control the conversations to all about them, getting very bored if the discussion isn’t about them, often finding some way to get the attention back onto them.
As with fantasies of power and success and the fact they love to talk all about themselves and their exaggerated accomplishments. Even those who have achieved will often exaggerate, there is no humbleness to them. Anything you can do, they have done bigger and better, so many grandiose narcissists actually haven’t achieved much, due to their fear of failure, if they were to fail this would damage their fragile ego of who they pretend to themselves to be. They will be jealous and envious of others achievements. They’ll often demean or belittle those around them who have achieved with put-downs and criticism, to claiming others only have what they have due to help from those around them. The narcissist never got that support. Even the grandiose will play the victim if it meets a need, if they can play on someone’s empathy to exploit them, or if by playing the victim, they can escape responsibility.
They will control those around them, through triangulation, manipulation, Coercive Control, they will criticise, they will invalidate, they will even control through fear with their temper tantrums of pure anger, rage and hatred.
What can you do?
Learning it’s not you.
It’s difficult, and most of us blame ourselves and walk on Eggshells around these people, but we have to realise it did not start with us. It will not end with us, those who have the disorder, have a disorder, it’s who they are, we did not cause it, most people have suffered some form of trauma, they choose to act how they do, they choose not to get help to learn how to manage their behaviour, we can not change it, that is who they are, it’s a hard enough job changing ourselves, we can not change, nor should we change another, although no one is entitled to abuse another, the responsibility is on them not us. You can not control it, no matter what anyone does we are not here to control others, only ourselves, and trying to control ourselves to keep a narcissist happy we lose who we are, it’s just not worth it. You deserve better.
“If a Narcissist can not control their behaviour, how come they change it when their could be consequences?”
Limited contact, grey rock or no contact.
I can not recommend No contact enough. It’s not easy. It’s a learning curve, however long term it’s so worth it. No contact isn’t always possible, in which case limited contact and grey rock.
Learning your beliefs, your values, your dreams, your hopes. What you want from your life, anything that doesn’t fit your happiness, if the other person can not compromise as you would with them, it’s a no. Treat people how you wanted to be treated is great, but when they don’t have the respect to treat you how you should be treated, with honesty, respect and loyalty, your no needs to mean no, and it’s time to walk away, let them go left, and you go right into the path of creating your future happiness.
No wrong way or right way to live your life, with good intentions only your way.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.