A narcissistic relationship with anyone, a romantic relationship or a parental relationship, leaves many wounds to heal. Co-workers, bosses, and friends can also leave us with anxiety.
Rational anxiety is normal, unfortunately, when our minds are around negative, uncertain environments. This rational anxiety, once out, can leave us with irrational anxiety, as our subconscious has been programmed long term to protect us.
As a narcissist is gaslighting us with psychological abuse, often leaving us with self-doubt and a lack of self-esteem. They also provoke us for that reaction, and they will then project their wrongdoings onto us and blame us, leaving us feeling like we are to blame and full of guilt, with the added psychological abuse of the silent treatments, invalidation etc., leaving us questioning what we did wrong, often leaving us walking on eggshells around a narcissist. No longer being able to speak up for ourselves and full of anxiety through fear of reactions and the self-doubt they’ve planted in our minds.
Our nervous systems are wired to look at our environment for threats or danger to help keep us alive, and it’s also looking for safety. When we feel or see some form of danger, we can then focus in on it, so we can try to prepare to take action if we need to, fight, flight, freeze or fawn.
With most people, we go into our fight or flight survival response in a narcissistic relationship when we can not see the invisible danger as it’s all done through manipulation we don’t even know or see at the time we are in it. Our fight or flight response is getting prepared to do battle, with nowhere for that extra energy to go. Why we can snap so easily, cry so quickly, we can become extremely anxious.
Symptoms of anxiety are.
Common physical symptoms
- Dizziness
- Fatigue
- Changes in a heartbeat.
- Muscle tension.
- Shaking.
- Excessive sweating.
- A dry mouth.
- Shortness of breath.
- Nausea
- Headaches.
- Sleep disturbance.
- Stomach aches.
Emotional and effects are.
- A sense of fear or dread.
- Difficulty concentrating.
- Irritability.
- Loss of confidence.
- Feeling disconnected from the world, friends and family.
- Feeling unsettled, on edge or restless.
Anxiety can affect all areas of our life; living with anxiety can make us withdraw from life itself. We can overcome our anxiety with simple steps and work. We can recognise our fears and find a coping mechanism to handle them the correct way for our individual needs.
Anxiety causes chaos in the mind and body, leaving our mind to react strongly to certain events or situations.
Fear usually manifests in the case of danger, yet there may be no rational danger when anxiety hits, although your mind truly believes it is rational. Yet because there is an invisible danger out there, we just don’t know where it can send our anxieties rising.
Once we’ve been through one anxiety attack, our mind prompts us to avoid any situation or place where we’ve experienced it before, a natural defence mechanism to help us. Avoidance is our minds’ way of trying to protect us. Once we’ve experienced pain, if our mind believes it is going to experience it again, anxiety kicks in, thinking it’s protecting us. It’s a natural way for us to avoid stressful situations when it’s a rational fear; it serves us well when it’s irrational. It starts to become counterproductive and works against us.
In an attempt to protect ourselves, our mind sends out warning signals. It sends us into a state of hyper-vigilance. So we start avoiding places and people. Understanding why it happens helps us manage our anxieties, and anxiety will work in favour with some people as we do need to keep our distance and not mix, but we do still need to communicate with others.
Anxiety isn’t caused by one single factor. It’s usually a build-up of a combination of things. Difficult life experiences can be one cause. When we start to feel anxious, we often turn to things that give us comfort, food, wine etc. If it helps, do it. If it makes you feel worse, in the long run, don’t, it’s our life to find what helps us and what hinders us. When it hinders, it’s time to create new coping strategies. Being aware and assessing the negative effects is key. So if having a glass of wine or two helps and we can carry on, great. If having two bottles gets us texting random stuff to those we shouldn’t, replying to things we shouldn’t on social media threads, and waking up feeling worse, it’s time to change it. If we’re comfort eating, then feel worse afterwards. All we are doing is feeding our anxiety. It may feel hard. It might feel painful to start but going for a walk, running up and downstairs for five minutes instead will help release endorphins and help us feel much better instead of that comfort food. To help calm our anxiety, we’ve got to deal with the underlying issues first.
Everyone has an inner voice. However, after an abusive relationship, and if we struggle with anxiety, it can work against us. Our inner critic can hold us back, and it can self-sabotage so many areas in our life.
We need to identify it and challenge it. Once we do, we can then break the cycle.
We have now got to catch those negative thoughts, and it is not easy to start this process. Once we do, it gets easier.
Talking to the right people can help. Friends, family, support groups, talk therapy, psychologists, and life coaches are great with helping you work on anxiety. Talking helps with.
Cognitive behavioural, which teaches you to adjust your thoughts and actions.
Interpersonal shows you how to communicate better.
Problem-solving gives you the skills to manage your symptoms.
1. Social interaction with those who care for you, if we feel uncomfortable we don’t have to be doing this face to face to start. With social media, We can message, FaceTime, Skype, text, call etc., Talking to the right people can help, friends, family, support groups, talk therapy, and psychologists.
Talking with people who can help our cognitive behavioural, which teaches us to adjust our thoughts and actions. So when we are focused on the bad news our nervous system can keep us hooked on it, then we need to distract ourselves away from it, talking with people about it to get it out, yet then talk about how we feel, then talk about something that makes us laugh.
Interpersonal shows you how to communicate better.
Problem-solving gives you the skills to manage your symptoms.
2. Exercise
It’s a proven mood-booster that’s good for your body and mind. Exercise also raises your self-esteem and confidence. And it’s considered to be a treatment for mild to moderate depression. It releases endorphins which naturally lift your mood.
Even a brisk walk if you can do this where you are. Just find something that you enjoy, music on YouTube and have a dance around, with children if you have them, exercise and yoga videos on YouTube, running up and downstairs, lifting those tins of beans you might have stocked up on, or your shoes, imagination is powerful, find the online exercise, that you can do in the home.
3. Yoga or meditation, just 2-5 minutes a day, can help.
Focus on your breath
Make a picture in your mind of a beautiful image
Repeat a simple word or mantra, like “happiness.”
4. Do something meaningful. Find something you enjoy. Get involved in an activity that feels important to you. It may be athletic, political, spiritual, or a social cause where you can volunteer. Look for something that gives you a sense of purpose.
5. Be creative. Direct your focus into something constructive. Rediscover your strengths. If you have a long-lost talent or interest, dive back into it. Listening to music, learning to play an instrument, trying painting, dancing, singing, writing, keep trying new things to you discover what you enjoy. There are so many online resources and courses.
6. Read a good book. It’s an excellent way to relax. There’s even research that shows that reading books on psychology may boost your mood. Also, learning about narcissistic personality disorder and what you’ve been through helps many people in the recovery process, although that isn’t for everyone. Understanding the information, we do need to know what’s happened to us, however, set a time, then do something that makes you laugh, even if that’s just finding funny memes, calling a friend, or dancing with your children.
7. Get a good support system going. Reach out to support groups with people who know what you’ve been through and how to help, friends and family if they are available. Not only for those who’ve been through trauma at the hands and mind of a narcissistic but also for local online support groups about the virus.
8. Get organised. Slowly and step by step, set a new goal. De-cluttering your home can give you a clearer mind, creating that routine to help you stay on course. This might take willpower. Prove to yourself that you have the willpower.
9. Trying to manage your worry, keep a written diary. Set aside time to do it, then leave those worry’s in the journal and enjoy your day. Keeping a diary on your anxiety also helps you spot signs and triggers.
Small steps day by day. Storms don’t rain down on us forever.
Find what works for you. Keep going. You’ve got this.
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The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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