Narcissists like to justify their behaviour. Rationalise their behaviour, so they can get away with their behaviour, to distract you from the truth of their behaviour by using Logical reasoning, the narcissist will use a series of statements that sound logical to distract you from the truth, to mislead another into a conclusion that benefits the narcissists best interest, it often leaves us feeling bewildered and confused as a narcissist moves from one misconception to another to distract us from the original point, the more we try to get honest answers the more a narcissist will distract us from the truth by justifying to rationalise and to get away with their behaviour.
The ad hominem.
Where the narcissist will direct the context of the conversation away from their behaviour and onto your character, rather than answering a question, a narcissist will attack you. A narcissist will flirt with someone in front of you. Then when you question them, they’ll accuse you of being insecure or jealous, so you question your feelings and not their behaviour. If you keep asking, they’ll claim their ex never minded, so you think you’re the one with the problem. When you say no, they’ll claim you’re awkward, so you question if you are awkward as the narcissist tries to break down your boundaries.
Red herring.
A narcissist uses this to distract you from the original topic, creating a smokescreen by bringing something irrelevant up, so if you ask about a promise the narcissist made yet failed to deliver, they can use the ad hominem and say, “If you hadn’t.” Or they can go with the red herring and say. “Oh, I’ve been working really hard.” Or just begin talking about the weather, anything other than the original question. It usually involves a topic that’s irrelevant to the original question.
“When a narcissist can not convince you, they’ll go all out to confuse you.”
Appeal to emotions.
Instead of answering the question at hand, a narcissist will use manipulation of your emotions. The narcissist wants to win the argument by using your very emotions against you. It is also a type of red herring as they avoid the original topic as they don’t answer the question. Instead, they appeal to your fear, appeal to consequences, appeal to pity, appeal to spite, appeal to ridicule, appeal to flattery, appeal to guilt. The narcissist wants to use your emotional thinking such as fear, joy, guilt, shame, obligation when you’ve said no, and they’re trying to take a boundary. “If you loved me, you would.” If they fear exposure. “What would your friends think if they knew.” If they fear abandonment. “After all, I’ve done for you.” Or they’ll suddenly have an illness or things like “What about the children.”
Appeal to popular opinion.
When a narcissist is trying to claim your going crazy, they might add. “Even your mother thinks you’re crazy.” “My family thinks.” “Everyone thinks you’re.” to get you to doubt yourself. Or when they’re driving too fast, and you ask them to slow down as they’re scaring you. “Everyone drives at this speed on this road, what’s your problem?” even though the narcissist is breaking the speed limit because they believe they’re entitled to do so.
Slippery slope.
The narcissist’s slippery slope is used in an argument to stop you from doing something for fear of what they’ll do next. From those intimidating covert threats of “ You’ll wish you hadn’t.” to the overt “If you do, I will.” if they find out you’re thinking of leaving, so they claim. “You’ll never see the children again.” or “If you don’t, I’m cutting you out of the will.” whatever it is you’re thinking of doing, if you take action A, the narcissists will take it to B and then into C, usual, so you fear doing A, sometimes when it comes to leaving a narcissist we have to step over the fear safely, onto that slope, and ride it out until we are free from their controlling behaviour.
The burden of proof.
When you ask a narcissist about something they’ve promised and not delivered, they’ll gaslight with “I never said that.” and as it was something they said we have no proof, a narcissist will just deny and lie.
Moving the goalposts.
If you catch them out on a lie, they’ll move the post with their gaslighting of. “If you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” whatever the topic of conversation, they move it onto something else, one where no matter what you do, it’s not right by them, to distract you from the wrong they do to you.
Blanket statements.
When you try to discuss future plans that they once were more than happy to do, once they have you where they want you, they don’t want to put effort into delivering those future fakes, so they’ll come at you with. “You’re never satisfied.” of if they’ve hurt your feelings “, I was only joking.” or “You’re so sensitive.” to distract you from their actions by getting you to focus on your reactions.
False dilemma.
If you speak out about their cheating, they claim, “You’re jealous.” If you speak out about their lies, they’ll claim “You’re imagining things.” when you speak out about their abuse, they’ll claim “You’re bitter.” the false dilemma is when the narcissist counteracts one thought with another thought, where you question yourself. No, in-between, no, you’ve caught them cheating as they lack morals, respect, loyalty, etc., to a narcissist, it is because of you.
The straw man.
When you ask a narcissist about something they shouldn’t be doing, and they justify it with a distorted vision of something you’ve done, claiming your actions to be the same when they’re not, to justify theirs, “ What about when you?” or if you learn they use illegal substances so you ask and they claim. “At least I’m not at the pub every night like Sams partner is.” to justify their unjust behaviour.
Circular arguments.
Where they answer with the start. Which is also the end. A cheating narcissist uses this to distract you from the fact they’re cheating. “You don’t trust me because you’re hung up on your past, so you went through my things. It’s wrong to go through my things because you’re hung up on your past. You have trust issues.”
Scapegoating.
Where the narcissist will unfairly blame you or someone else for the narcissist’s behaviour, narcissist families often scapegoat anyone who could damage the families reputation.
Willed ignorance.
A refusal to change their opinions, even with facts and evidence against them as they believe they’re entitled to do as they please, and they lack the empathy to care for how it affects those around them.
Appeal to your fear.
When all else fails, a narcissist will try to control through fear, to get you to comply with them and stop questioning them.
What narcissistic people say to distract you from the truth.
What is the narcissist’s word salad?
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Hi Liz,
great content, pleasant refreshing that I found your helpful work. Just a tiny remark you missed the plural s in your post name, it should be: How Narcissists. Spiteful tongues love to use that minor slight against you.
Love to you, and feel free to delete the post, once you have corrected it.
Mato from Germany
Thank you, massive help 💜