Overcoming narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
It’s easy for most humans to be critical of others, judging before understanding the full story, especially when you’ve got someone In your ear telling you false lies that person has said about you, even worse because of what the narcissist has told them about you, this leads them to actually gossip about you, which then may lead you to gossip about them, because you’re not communicating with each other and only through the very convincing narcissist, you believe the narcissist, allowing the narcissist to achieve the goal of divide and conquer, and being able to manipulate situations, even more to the narcissists advantage,
When they become close to another, leaving you feeling insecure, as your guts telling you something isn’t right, if you ask them, the narcissist will tell you that, “you’re imagining things.” That “you’re paranoid.” They will even tell you that the person you’re supposedly paranoid about. Also believes you’re paranoid, the other person, may have no idea how you feel or will have been told just how crazy you are, to cover the narcissist’s tracks if you do approach them, for some reality check.
Narcissist are more than happy to smear others names, with lies and twisted facts.
Narcissists will bring in third party’s. Flying monkeys, to help with the mental abuse of others. They will do this in working settings, with family and with their partner.
They enjoy being the puppet masters of all those around them, to feed their sense of entitlement and their ego, that they are above all others, and others are just simply stupid so of course it’s the others fault. You are not stupid, you are a good hearted person that just didn’t know manipulative people like this exist or to the extent they will manipulate.
All narcissistic people will use this kind of manipulation if the narcissist is your parent, partner, friend, neighbour, co-worker. They will all triangulate.
Triangulation is used to weaken and take control of those around them, so they can further manipulate people and situations.
They will pin people up against each other, without each other knowing, in the hope they go into defence mode and feed the narcissist information to further manipulate and triangulate.
The narcissist will use information, to force false beliefs about the other person onto you, then when you react, they will exaggerate facts and use them on the other person so they defend themselves against you, when in reality the narcissist probably started it all with a bunch of lies in the first place or manipulating events into something they weren’t, to make the other two in the triangulation doubt themselves even more. Ending up with them turning to the narcissist for more information. They may tell you things like. “I wouldn’t trust them if I was you.” They could be telling the other the same. Or things like. “ they said this about you the other day.” Usually what the narcissist actually said.
They may talk highly of someone, using your insecurities to do so, so you end up comparing yourself, they may tell you lies about what the other said, or drop subtle hints.
If your instinct feels like, you need to defend yourself, or you’re doubting someone’s thoughts about you, question why your feeling that way and, who’s the common denominator in the situation. If you have a perceived threat or unsettling feeling, listen to those instincts, they are trying to tell you something, do not go to the narcissist for answers as they’ll just further manipulate.
Sometimes the third person actually had no clue to what’s going on, or they could be using you as that third person, so when you get funny looks off someone you bump into the narcissist you’ll have no idea as to why. If you mention it to the narcissist you’ll get the. You’re just imagining things.” No your not the narcissist is smearing you to them in some way.
The narcissist had no boundaries when it comes to using others for their own gains.
The best method to triangulation for you, is to take yourself out of the triangle, grey rock or no contact, when my ex tried triangulating me, as I didn’t realise they were a narcissist and believed we were co-parenting as we were separated at the time, although the narcissist was trying to get back together with me, when they had a new child, with someone new, they blamed me, yet they wanted me to marry them and have another baby to solve the problem, who knows what they were telling them, all I knew is when I suggested talking to the other person as our children were siblings, so it would be nice if the children could see how to get along and adult. I then got all the reasons of why I shouldn’t talk to them.
I just removed myself from the situation and stopped playing, then after a couple of months I went to speak with the other parent anyway as my son had asked to meet the sibling and so far the narcissist had kept the siblings apart, when I spoke to the other parent, they were amazing and tried to work out ways we could do it in the most comfortable way for the child, unfortunately for them the narcissist managed to get themselves back under their roof, so I had to remove myself from the entire situation and leave them too it, after another month my son did finally get to meet the sibling.
So if you can not go no contact, it’s grey rock, remove negativity from your life to allow for positive more happiness in your life. The narcissist can not play you when you’re no longer willing to be a pawn in their games, unfortunately, they may smear your name to victim play, just stay out of it, always trust your instinct, even when your unsure to what it’s telling you. It will become clear I’m time.