Divide and Conquer.
It’s easy for most people to be critical of others, judging before understanding the whole story, especially when you’ve got someone in your ear telling you lies about what a person has said about you, even worse because of what the narcissist has told them about you, this leads to them actually gossiping about you, which then may lead to you gossiping about them because you’re not communicating with each other. Only through the very convincing, lying narcissist, you believe the narcissist, allowing the narcissist to triangulate you both and achieve the goal of divide and conquer, and being able to manipulate situations, even more to the narcissist’s advantage.
Whatever a narcissist does is to exploit others to meet a need of their own.
When they become close to another, leaving you feeling insecure, as your guts telling you something isn’t right, if you ask them, the narcissist will tell you that, “You’re imagining things.” That “You’re paranoid.” Or “You’re too hung up on your past.” Or ”You’re insecure.” which you believe as you do, in fact, feel insecure, perfectly normal feelings and emotions with what the narcissist is doing to you. They will even tell you that the person you’re supposedly paranoid about believes you’re paranoid, the other person may have no idea how you feel or will have been told just how crazy you are by the narcissist, to cover the narcissist’s tracks, so if you do approach them, for some reality checks, the narcissist has already smeared your name and got in their first.
Narcissists are more than happy to smear other people’s names with lies or twisted truths.
Narcissists will bring in third party’s. Flying monkeys to help with the mental abuse of others. They will do this in working settings, with family, friends and with their partners.
They enjoy being the puppet masters of all those around them, to feed their sense of entitlement and their ego that they are superior, that they are above all others, and others are just merely stupid, so of course, it’s the other person’s fault.
You are not stupid. You are a kind-hearted person that just didn’t know manipulative people like this exist or to the extent, they will manipulate.
All narcissistic people will use this kind of manipulation if the narcissist is your parent, partner, friend, neighbour, co-worker. They will triangulate.
They will pin people up against each other, without each other knowing, in the hope they go into defence mode and feed the narcissist information about the other, so the narcissist can gather data to manipulate and further and triangulate.
The narcissist will use the information to force false beliefs about the other person onto you. When you react, they will exaggerate facts and use them on the other person, so they defend themselves against you, when in reality, the narcissist probably started it all with a bunch of lies in the first place or manipulating events into something they weren’t, to make the other two in the triangulation doubt themselves even more. Ending up with them turning to the narcissist for more information. They may tell you things like. “I wouldn’t trust them if I was you.” They could be telling the other the same. The narcissist could come to you and say. “They said this about you the other day.” Usually, what the narcissist has either completely made up, or what the narcissist has actually said. The narcissist will bait you in this way, so when you react and defend yourself to the narcissist about a person that might not have even said anything, the narcissist will go running back to them to tell them what you said, completely missing out on the lie they told you in the first place, to isolate you from the very people who could support you.
They may talk highly of someone, using whatever your insecurities are against you, so you end up comparing yourself. Whatever self-doubts you have, the narcissist will exaggerate that quality in the other person to make you feel more insecure, to invalidate who you are. They may tell you lies about what the other said or drop subtle hints.
If your instincts feel like you need to defend yourself, or you’re doubting someone’s thoughts about you, question why you are feeling that way and who’s the common denominator in the situation. If you have a perceived threat or have an unsettling feeling, listen to those instincts, they are trying to tell you something, do not go to the narcissist for answers as they’ll just further manipulate.
Sometimes the third person actually has no clue what’s going on, or they could be using you as that third person, so when you get funny looks off someone you bump into, you’ll have no idea as to why. If you mention it to the narcissist, you’ll get the. “You just imagine things.” No, you are not the narcissist is smearing your name to them in some way. Or you could get “Yes, they don’t like you.” So you distance yourself from someone who’s done no wrong, you’ve done no wrong, the narcissist is just playing games between the both of you.
The narcissist has no boundaries when it comes to using others for their own gains.
If you suspect this, one way to handle the situation is when the three of you are together, say the other person. “They’ve told me you said this about me. Is this true?” You’ll soon see with the looks on faces or the narcissist’s word salad if it’s true or not.
The best method for triangulation for you is to take yourself out of the triangle, grey rock, or no contact. Just remove yourself from the situation and stop playing.
If you can not go no contact, it’s grey rock. Remove negativity from your life to allow for positive more happiness in your life. The narcissist can not play you when you’re no longer willing to be a pawn in their games. Unfortunately, they may smear your name to victim play. Just stay out of it. Always trust your instinct, even when you are unsure of what it’s telling you. It will become clear I’m time.
“Other people’s opinions of you are not for you. Only you define yourself. “
Divide and conquer.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
More on the types of triangulation.