Understanding the terminology to explain the narcissistic personality disorder.
Terminology relating to the narcissist personality disorder has been developed by psychologists and therapists as well as survivors of the abuse, seeking an understanding of what they have been through. This is an overview of most of the terms.
Narcissist characteristics the meaning, they might not show them all at the same time.
1. Arrogant and haughty behaviour. They are unpleasantly proud of who they are. Some will be obvious in showing it Overt v’s Covert those who will hide it away
2. A sense of entitlement. They believe they have a right to anything and everything they want. What’s yours is mine, and what’s mines my own attitude.
3. Exploitative. Whatever they do is only to ever to meet a need of their own.
4. Grandiose. If they show it or not, they believe they are superior to all others.
5. Jealous and Envy They are never pleased and always want more.
6. Lack of Empathy they can not truly feel what others do or put themselves in other people’s shoes.
7. Preoccupied with power and/or success. Those who are victorious will brag. Those who are not will blame others.
8. Requires excessive attention. They need to be admired by others, through love or fear.
9. The belief they are special. They believe all others are inferior to them.
Meanings of words for the types of narcissists on the spectrum.
The three main types are.
1. Grandiose. Better than all others, will act and say they are.
2. Vulnerable. Can come across as kind and compassionate, like most narcissists can, yet will always play the victim and destroy those close to them.
3. Malignant. An extreme mix of narcissism, antisocial and psychopath, with paranoid traits.
The subtypes are
1. Covert. These narcissists keep their abuse more hidden. They can be shy and, to the outside world, appear kind.
2. Overt. These narcissists are most apparent, grandiose behaviour. They are arrogant, demanding and boastful. They have rage very close to the surface when they don’t get their own way. Ruthless in power and control.
3. Somatic. These narcissists usually rely upon their body’s and looks for gaining attention.
4. Cerebral. These narcissists typically rely on intelligence. Although not all are intelligent, some lie about that too.
Other words used for Narcissist types.
1. The narcissistic winner. Everything is a competition, and they want to win at all costs.
2. The sneaky narcissist, they always have the perfect sob story and play the victim very well to manipulate others into helping them.
3. They know it all, narcissists. They know anything and everything, yet they’ll never have facts to back things up.
4. The puppet master narcissist. They control and have the power of all those around them.
5. The antagonist narcissist. These will always have an enemy. They scream at other car drivers, are nasty to neighbours, rude to staff.
6. The status narcissist. These have social power, status and success.
7. The Royal narcissist. They believe they are entitled to the best of everything.
We have narcissist, narcissism, NPD and narcissistic and more that people use to describe the behaviour itself.
It is a Cluster B personality disorder. These included narcissistic, antisocial, borderline, histrionic personality disorders on the cluster B, often with those having one of the disorders also having characteristics of one of the other disorders.
We have the Victim or survivor. I prefer the term target as the Narcissist targets individuals to fill their own needs. Staying in Victim mode doesn’t help people recover. You are a survivor and now experienced in what love isn’t.
Meanings of what they do.
1. Baiting. Where the narcissist will intentionally make someone angry by saying or doing something to annoy or taunt them deliberately, to hook trap or entice someone, and getting someone to do what the narcissist wants them to do.
2. Blame shifting. Switching the crazy-making onto the innocent target. When anyone confronts the narcissist or tries to set boundaries, the narcissist will change the whole focus onto the innocent target. So they can escape accountability and not take responsibility for their actions. Putting all the attention and blame onto the target.
3. Boundaries, the narcissist will try to break down all the targets boundaries. The targets self-beliefs of things they will and will not accept, things they will And will not do. A narcissist will step over and stomp out each and everyone through their many manipulation methods.
4. Counter parenting. This is when they will use all they can against the healthy parent. They do not care for the damage they cause to the children’s minds so long as they destroy the other parent.
5. Devalue. Narcissists believe they are superior to all others. Devaluing friends, family and partners. This is when they slowly take the target apart because of their emotional level of awareness, not developing past toddlerhood. Their insecurities of unattainable perfection. They do not hesitate in putting others down through, expressing their disappointment in the target, rage, being hostile, belittling, being judgmental of the target, and abandonment of the target.
6. Discard. When the narcissist no longer sees the target as useful to them or desirable, so they throw them away, cast them to one side, usually in more mind-blowing hideous ways, just to cut the target open even more and leave them with more self-doubts.
7. Divide and conquer. To assert control over others. To create diversions among people, to dominate, and to isolate people, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate people.
8. Enablers. Someone who doesn’t understand what the narcissist is or believes their believable pity plays at the time. Enablers are often unwittingly manipulated by the narcissist to think they truly understand them and can help them, often helping the narcissist destroys others without realising.
9. Future Faking. When the narcissist gives their targets false hope of a future, they’ll never deliver.
10. Flying Monkeys. From the film Wizard of Oz. These are enablers who help the narcissist by terrorising targets for the narcissist, and the narcissist manipulates others into doing the dirty work for them. They can be friends, partners, parents, siblings and children.
11. Gaslighting. This is an insidious form of psychological abuse where they sow seeds of self-doubt into others. Hence, the target loses their own reality, their sanity, their memories and their perceptions. The narcissist undermines the targets mental state. They lie and give false information by projection, blame-shifting, triangulation. Saying, “that never happened.” “I told you last week.” “You’re sensitive.” Or the “you’re crazy.” They brainwash their targets into believing the narcissist’s reality.
12. Hoover. Named after the hoover, as they try to suck people back in to spit them back out, they make those around them miserable, often driving others away eventually. If people pull away, they might try to hoover the target back in. They use lots of manipulative tactics to do this. The hoover is when they come to suck the target back in as they feel a need to use them again, to discard them all over again. If they have a new source of supply, they might leave them alone and focus on the new target. If the new target isn’t working out, most will hoover an old target
13. Idealisation / Love Bombing. The action of making something seemingly perfect or better than the actual reality. The narcissist will hook a target In by making them believe that they are perfect and all their dreams have come true. Followed by devaluation and discard.
14. Insincere Apology. As a narcissist is never accountable and believes they are always right. You’ll not get a real apology, only a false apology if the narcissist thinks it will meet a need of their own. To remove any shame they feel, things like. “I’m sorry if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” ” I’m sorry, but you couldn’t handle the truth.” “I’m sorry you’re too sensitive to understand.”
15. Manipulation. The action of unscrupulously controlling others for their own advantage unfairly and dishonesty.
16. Mirroring, when they copy who you are, and reflect all your likes, dislikes, hobbies, hopes and dreams back to you.
17. Narcissistic injury. They’ve usually suffered some form of emotional trauma as a child, which stunted or stopped their development of emotions as they turned to fight mode.
18. Narcissist rage. If the narcissist feels criticism, isn’t getting things their own way, or feels entitled to something they are not getting, it hurts their inflated ego setting off wild and sometimes dangerous rage, far beyond healthy anger. It’s traumatising to the targets.
19. Narcissistic Smirk. When they form, for a second smirk over something, ordinary people wouldn’t, as they can not fully contain their delight in destroying others.
20. Narcissist Stare. This is something out of this world. Anyone who’s witnessed this knows how it can make you freeze on the spot. They seem soulless, and most narcissistic eyes turn a cold black.
21. Neglect. They ignore others needs for emotional, psychological or physical requirements, and they will not give others care or attention unless it meets a need of their own.
22. Projection. Pushing their own feelings, thoughts, actions, beliefs, opinions and traits onto someone else, the narcissist will blame others escaping accountability. They will accuse others of what they are actually doing. From “you’re a liar.” “You’re cheating.” “You’re insecure.”
23. Supply. Narcissist depends on others emotions to sustain their sense of identity, and they need a number of emotions from others, negative or positive. To regulate their self-esteem. Without supply, they are empty, and they will use friends, family, work colleagues. No one is exempt. If they can not get positive, they will seek to destroy and get negative. If their primary source pulls away, they might hoover them, hoover an ex, or explore a new supply.
24. Silent treatments. Another form of psychological manipulation, to make the target beg, plead, apologies and make up to the narcissist for things they didn’t even do, the present silent treatment in the home where you’re left walking on eggshells, or where they just disappear on you.
25. Smear campaigns. This is when the narcissist is losing control of the target’s mind. So try’s to discredit the target, destroying the targets reputation or character by smearing the targets name to manipulate others to side with the narcissist. They do this also out of envy. They are extremely calculated in trying to discredit those who see through their mask, and they will gossip. Lie, blame shift about the target, to children, parents, siblings, neighbours, work colleagues—anyone they can to isolate and destroy the target.
26. The Scapegoat. The child who usually is strong-willed with a mind of its own, the narcissist struggles to control, so blames the scapegoat for everything.
27. The lost child. The child who gets nothing, no negative, no positive, no love, no hate.
28. The mascot. The child who plays the jester role to escape becoming the scapegoat.
29. The golden child, usually sensitive and keen to please, so the narcissist can easily manipulate to make the child meet the narcissist’s high demands.
30. Triangulation. Where they use others to get the target to give in to the narcissist’s demands or isolate the target from any support network. Through making lies up and informing one of something another said. To divide and conquer. To dominate all others. They create competition better others. They will even play their own children off against each other.
31. Word Salad. . A mixture of words and phrases that lack any meaning to the original topic.
Meaning of words that people of this abuse can suffer from during and have to recover from afterwards.
1. Anxiety. An excessive, irrational feeling of worry, nervousness, unease.
2. CPTSD. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Due to suffering from a series of stressful, traumatic events.
3. Depression. An excessive amount of self-doubt, misery, sadness, woe and doom.
4. Fear. An excessive amount of being scared about the narcissist, what they might do, fear for yours and the children’s safety, fear and distrust in others.
5. Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn. Humans four natural defence modes. Targets often fight back, run away, freeze on the spot or give in and fawn to the narcissist’s demands as they believe life would be easier this way.
6. Guilt. For not seeing it sooner, being unable to help, enabling the narcissist thinking it was helpful, for accepting behaviours that should have never accepted, for taking all the blame. Remove that guilt. At the time, your intentions were good. Please always remember that.
7. Hyper-vigilance. Always on guard for anything and everything that could go wrong.
8. Insomnia. Unable to sleep.
9. Intrusive thoughts. Things that happened in the past, things that could happen in the future, full of fear, worry and guilt.
10. Overactivity. Keeping busy to try and stop intrusive thoughts, but doing far too much.
11. Physical health. We can have so many health problems after being around these kinds of people.
12. Reactive Abuse. When we react to the narcissist’s provocation.
13. Self-isolation. No longer trusting others, so isolating themselves from all others for fear of being hurt.
14. Self-destructive behaviours. By not removing the guilt for things done that wasn’t understood at the time, self-sabotaging, the present as feeling unworthy.
15. Trauma Bonding. Believing in love and that the narcissist can be helped, trauma bonding is from being taken up so high to then be dropped so low, the body release chemicals, so it needs to be weaned off those drugs released by the body. It’s not love. It’s a drug addiction that the body needs to be weaned off.
Meaning of what that targets need to do to break free from the narcissist.
1. Boundaries. Your no needs to mean no, and you need to stick to your no. If something doesn’t suit you, it’s a no.
2. Grey Rock. If the target is unable to go no contact, everything is on a needs to know the business like Response only, as dull as possible. The narcissists don’t know anything about the target. With limited communication and limited contact, the target gives the narcissist no reaction.
3. No Contact. Just that no contact, the target completely removes them from any part of their life and never gets in touch again; this can include the narcissists, friends, family, flying monkeys, enablers.
4. No reaction. Never react to the narcissist’s games as that hands the targets power over to the narcissist.
5. Outsmart. Learning how to outsmart the narcissist’s manipulation games.
When awareness is out for all those going through this, all professions, there will be more understanding to help people reclaim reality, recover and move on. It’ll stop people from falling for this kind of abusive person again and, hopefully, one day stop people from getting involved in the first place.
Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
For the free course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
All about the narcissist Online course.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Eight characteristics Of A Covert Narcissist.
Phrases to disarm a narcissist.