10 Behaviours Of Narcissism, Red Flags Of A Narcissist.

Someone’s narcissistic partner is someone else’s narcissistic parent, boss, coworker, parent, friend or child. Narcissists only change their manipulation depending on who they are around. They do not change out of the disorder. It’s who they are. There are many signs someone in our life is toxic; however, as they’re also manipulative, they often gaslight our reality, so we don’t see these signs. In hindsight, red flags are wonderful full things; however, when we don’t have an awareness of what these red flags are, we don’t know what we don’t know, so we don’t understand what these signs are. Here are ten signs of a toxic narcissistic person within your life.

1. They are Hypocritical.

Narcissists can be some of the most hypocritical people you could ever meet. Common rules just don’t seem to apply to them; however, those same rules will apply to those around them. The whole do as I say and not as I do, what’s yours is mine and what’s mines my own. Narcissists tend to be incredibly self-entitled people who believe they can have what they want. When they want with whoever they want, they often have a grandiose belief that they are superior so deserve to do as they please without consequences for their actions.

One of the most confusing things about a narcissist is they don’t treat you badly all of the time.

A Narcissist will happily take your money but very unwilling to part with their.

Narcissistic parents don’t purchase things for their children out of the willingness to care for the children they created. They purchase things for their children to use those very items against their own children.

A Narcissist that will happily spend money on you, will then happily use that against you. “What about when I.” To get you to do something you’d prefer not to do. They’ll purchase a mattress for your bed. Then when move straight in with someone new, all cosy in the new supply’s bed. They’ll want that mattress back off you.

If you know how to cut hair, they’ll expect you to cut hair, yet if they know how to cook your favourite meal, they’ll not cook it, unless they want something in return from you, and you’ll usually have to do the return favour first, while they forget they ever promised to do anything for you.

A Narcissist will happily use your stuff, often claiming it’s theirs, but not be forthcoming in loaning theirs, or returning yours. You’ll have to chase them for that. If they do return, it’s often damaged in some way.

As narcissistic people are more than capable of treating you so well when they want something from you, when the narcissist seeks to punish you, as you don’t recognise you’re being emotionally abused, often you’re the one left, blaming, questioning and doubting yourself and not their mistreatment of you.

2. They create competition.

As narcissistic people can be some of the most envious people you could ever meet, they’re usually laying the bait to create some form of competition for themselves to win at the expense of those around them because they often lack the empathy to care for who they hurt.

A narcissist will create competition between themselves and others. They’ll purchase a new car just to say, “I bet sams doesn’t have this feature.” to feel better about themselves.

A young grandchild can innocently ask, “how come you only have one car.” because that child’s parents have two, for the narcissist to respond, “at least I have five bedrooms and not two.”

A narcissist will create competition between others so they can stand back and watch the show.

A narcissist will create competition between others “sam would do it for me.” to get people to compete for the narcissist’s attention.

Whatever competition they create, a narcissist creates to win.

Narcissists aren’t competitive to become better than they were yesterday, growing confidence. They are competitive where they seek to pull others down to feel or look better themselves, the narcissist’s arrogance.

3. They are Controlling.

Narcissists seek many ways to control others.

They monitor your outings, accuses you of things you haven’t done, cause arguments before you go out, or arguments when you get back, so you no longer want to bother going out or doing things for you, keeping you busy, so you don’t have time for your own hobbies. Play you off against friends and family, putting you in the middle and making you choose, often lying about what friends and family have said about you.

They control your money. Either not working and using yours, or letting you believe it’s a good idea for you not to work then them not giving you enough, yet not allowing you back into work.

They will guilt trip you, triangulate you, shame you, and pity play to get you to break down your boundaries and do things you don’t want to or wouldn’t normally do.

They will damage property, from punching doors to smashing items up.

They can never let you have the last word, even if that means them sulking off and giving you the silent treatment.

They invalidate you, call you names, call you crazy, insecure, sensitive, put you down in obvious overt ways. “You look fat in that.” or covert means. “Are you really going to wear that?”

They use anger to intimidate you or silent treatment into punishing you if you don’t give them what they want.

They don’t compromise. They always have to be right, always claiming that they know what’s best for you.

4. They shame you.

Narcissists exploit others to meet a need of their own. They might judge you, criticise you, shame you, blame you. They’ll claim it’s all your fault. “What would you do without me.”to leave you feeling like you’re not enough.

5. They guilt trip.

A narcissist might lack empathy for you. However, they know how to use your compassion against you. “If you loved me, you would.” what about me.” “After all, I’ve done for you.” to get you to do something for them, however, as they are extremely hypocritical people. If you say to them after all, I’ve done, as they’ve usually trained you to bend over backwards to help them, while they do very little for you. They will throw it all back in your face. They can use it on you. You can not use it on them, the narcissist’s hypocrisy shining through.

6. Vulnerability.

A narcissist will happily play the victim to exploit your compassion to meet their needs. They might come across as really open and honest with you when what they’re truly doing is using your empathy against you. You might feel comfortable being vulnerable with them initially, as a narcissist wants to get to know all about you so that they can use your vulnerabilities against you later down the line. However, once they have you, you can no longer be vulnerable with them. Now it’s a case of “you’re too sensitive.” “you’re overreacting.” “it wasn’t that bad.” try to share your news, good or bad, due to their competitiveness, seeking that external validation which at times we all can, seeking that attention, a narcissists bad news will be far worse than yours, their good news, far better than yours, they just can’t seem to be happy for you. It’s never about a two-way conversation to show they understand you. It’s to bring the attention back onto themselves.

7. Require attention.

Narcissists often require excessive attention if they can not get this attention through adoration and praise. If a narcissist doesn’t want to go all out throwing you the best party ever, expecting eternal recognition and praise, they’ll go all out to destroy a party for you while blaming you. If you call them out, they’ll come at you with things like. “Oh, I knew it would be my fault. I forgot you were perfect.”

8. Not listen to you.

If a narcissist isn’t interested, doesn’t have something to gain, they’ll happily ignore you. If they don’t want to answer a question, they’ll stonewall you, a narcissist will withhold attention, affection and support to punish you for things you haven’t even done, and a narcissist will go all out to gaslight you into doubting and blaming yourself, working harder to please them, not recognising what they’re doing to you.

Narcissists lack empathy, so when they fall silent on you, and you go and beg and plead with them, they get a twisted kick out of it. They enjoy the attention. They feel like they matter; however, your feelings do not matter to them.

9. Ignore healthy boundaries.

No one throws a bigger tantrum than a narcissist whose losing control over someone else mind, who is not getting their own way, who is getting shown facts and evidence of something they definitely did do.

A narcissist will ignore healthy boundaries. The more you try to say no to them, the more they up their games to get what they want from you. They don’t accept you’re no. They see it as a challenge to win. They’re going to start creating things, so they can start winning.

10. Nothing is ever their fault.

Narcissists will not be blamed. To them, it’s not their problem, it’s not their fault, they didn’t do it, they don’t say sorry because narcissistic people often believe other people made them do the hurtful things they do, they don’t take responsibility, they refuse to be held accountable, and they try to pass any consequences off onto those around them by blaming those around them.

As narcissists will not be held accountable for their behaviour, they don’t change their behaviour. They just learn new ways to manipulate to get away with their behaviour.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook.

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram.

On Pinterest.

On LinkedIn.

The courses Elizabeth Shaw has available.

The full course.

Click here for the full course to help you understand and break free from narcissistic abuse. 

The free course.

Click here to join the free starter guide to breaking free from narcissistic abuse. 

Help with overcoming trauma bonding and anxiety.

Click for help overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here for more information about the narcissist personality disorder. 

Recovery from narcissistic abuse and help with Co-Parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery and co-parenting with a toxic ex. 

For 1-2-1 Coaching with me, email @ beyourselfagaintoday@gmail.com

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with Click here for BetterHelp. (Sponsored.) Where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s

What Is Gaslighting And 7 Of A Narcissists Most Common Gaslighting Phrases.

Narcissists use many everyday phrases to distract you from your reality, to convince you that they’re right, that you didn’t see something, didn’t hear something, that there’s nothing wrong with their mistreatment of you and everything wrong with your emotional reactions towards them.

A narcissist wants to convince you that what you see, hear or feel isn’t true, so they can manipulate your thoughts into believing your reality isn’t real, that whatever you’re feeling or experiencing isn’t real, so the narcissist can work events to their advantage, use your emotions to work in their favour and so the narcissist can get away with their behaviour,

A narcissist wants to convince you that your emotional reactions to their actions are the problem to distract you from the fact that their actions are causing those emotional reactions within you.

Our emotions are strong feelings we have depending on our mood, circumstances, environment, and relationships.

Our feelings are physical or emotional states of awareness.

Our instincts are an intuitive way of thinking or feeling, depending on the environment we are in the people we are around. Just knowing something without knowing what we truly know.

Narcissistic people will happily downplay our emotional feelings if it works in their favour to do so. They will invalidate our instinct. They will criticise, ridicule and mock our reactions. They will deny our reality, claiming something isn’t happening when it actually is.

A Narcissist will call you crazy for something you later find out to be true.

A Narcissist will take something that happened to us and leave us questioning if it ever happened at all. They will hide things that we see. They will deny things that we hear, all while claiming that we are imagining things.

We end up questioning ourselves and not the narcissist. We lose sight of their behaviour, we lose sight of their motives, we lose sight of our instincts, and we lose sight of our reality. Due to the narcissist’s hidden phrases, the narcissist hides what they are doing to us through the narcissists gaslighting of our reality.

The more a narcissist gaslights us, the more we focus on our memory being wrong, our feelings being wrong, our experience being wrong, our thoughts being wrong, as gaslighting leads to confusion within our minds, second-guessing ourselves and others, doubting ourselves and our intentions, blaming ourselves and relying more on the narcissist more.

When it comes to life, we have to pay close attention to what others accuse us of feeling, especially when we do not even have those feelings, or of having those feelings more when around the certain person accusing us of feelings we don’t normally feel. Those accusing us of intentions we do not have, not seeing something we could have sworn we saw. As more often than not, those who accuse you of intentions you don’t have, have those intentions within themselves, of doing things you have not done, are doing those things to you, of feelings being too much are trying to downplay their behaviour, of feelings you do have, are trying to provoke those feelings within you.

Those who are envious of you often seek to destroy you and will go all out to provoke feelings of jealousy within you, their defence mechanism, to make themselves feel better for being envious of you, and make you feel worse for doing or having something they want. Narcissists want to twist the story and blame you, shame you, criticise you, judge you, mock you, then claim you’re the one who can’t take a joke when it’s the narcissist’s ego that couldn’t take the pain. When a narcissist isn’t getting the attention they believe they’re entitled to from you, because you are talking to a family member, the narcissist will go all out to impress a stranger. Getting attention from the stranger often while provoking you. When you go to communicate your experience, your very valid feelings with a narcissist they’ll turn it around and claim.

1. “You’re jealous.”

When a narcissist accuses you of being jealous, is shuts down any two-way conversation, it gets you explaining yourself to them, questioning and doubting yourself, rather than them explaining themselves to you for their behaviour, and you recognising what they are doing, a narcissist will not say, “I’m sorry you weren’t giving me the attention I’m entitled to, so I got attention over there which made me feel good, while I punished you which made me feel even better.” A narcissist might say, “I’m sorry if you’d had paid me more attention. I wouldn’t have gone elsewhere.” Again the narcissist is trying to lay all the blame at your door. Those who are cheating on you will often accuse you of cheating on them or claim.

2. “You have trust issues.”

You’re going to develop trust issues around those with lying issues, so when you start having trust issues around someone you should be able to trust, you need to pay more attention to what your instincts are telling you and less attention to the narcissist who is gaslighting you. When you are with a trustworthy person, they’ll not bring out trust issues within you, if you have a vulnerability about trust from your past. A genuine person will go all out to reassure you. Those who are cheating on you will want to discredit your feelings and blame you. Those who care about you will try to understand and reassure you. People who are manipulating your reality, your feelings, your experience, manipulating your life, manipulating your thoughts are going to accuse you of overthinking

3. “Your Overthinking.”

Every time you go to communicate with them because they lead you to believe they care, their arrogance comes across as confidence, so they seem to have it all together. It’s effortless to go to them for reassurance, not realising they’re going to invalidate your experience. They’re going to pull you down, so they can feel superior to you, avoid getting found out by you and continue their manipulative behaviour. You are going to start ruminating around those who keep changing things on you, denying reality to you, lying to you. It’s very valid and most understandable that you’ll begin to overanalyse things, question things, because you’re trying to get to the truth of the matter, being lead around a maze with no centre, you feel confused and disoriented. You’re going to start thinking so you can begin to find truthful answers as to what you’re experiencing.

As you know, your thinking when they accuse you of “overthinking.” which matches what’s happening to you, you have that thought validate and trust them, not your instincts. Then a narcissist has you right where they want you. The narcissist will provoke you to question things then accuse you of overthinking when you do, those who provoke you, to gain an emotional reaction from you, so when they get it, they can stand back all calm and ask, “what’s your problem.” or claim “Don’t you think you’re overreacting.”

4. “You’re Overreacting.”

Narcissistic people often rely on reactive abuse so that they can feel better about their feelings their mistakes. By focusing on yours, as they see themselves as better than you, they will twist anything they do to you, over you, and find a way to blame you. “If you hadn’t.” “You made me.” as a narcissist will play the victim oh so well, yet when they provoke an emotional reaction from you, they’ll stand back all calm and ask, “what’s wrong with you.” Or claim, “see, this is why I didn’t tell you. I knew you’d overreact like this.” Reactive abuse is when you react to the narcissist’s abuse of you, and then the narcissist blames your reactions to their actions as being the problem to deny your reality that their actions are causing your reactions. A narcissist doesn’t want you to see what they’re doing, so they’ll downplay what they’re doing to you while gaining a response from you, which they can exaggerate and blame you for “overreacting.” when your reactions are perfectly normal to their actions, when we pay attention what you often notice is, it is the narcissist who’s into dramatics as they play the victim to gain sympathetic attention, that are the very people most likely to exaggerate your reactions and downplay their actions, while you downplay their actions. “They had a bad day.” As narcissists provoke you into raging at them, you believe you’re the problem and are grateful to them for putting up with you, often backed up with more of the narcissists lies of “after all I’ve done for you, no one would put up with you like I do.”

A narcissist creates an environment of instability, insecurity, confusion and fear. They withhold attention, affection and support. They get you repressed and depressed, anxious and living on the edge that you become more and more emotionally reactive to those provoking emotions within you. Those lying to you and those who are lying to you are going to accuse you of being crazy when you catch them out on their lies towards you.

5. “You’re crazy.

When they’re cheating on you, and you walk in to see something that doesn’t belong to either of you, they might claim it’s theirs, or some have been known to claim it’s yours and say. “You really are losing your mind.” Or they might move the item when your not looking and say, “what item?” “You’re imagining things again.” Or if you pick it, the narcissist, might say, “where have you got that from? No, it wasn’t there who gave that to you.” To get you defending and explaining yourself to them so they no longer have to, to you. As they’re invalidating you, gaslighting you and distracting you from the truth of the situation. When a narcissist feels hurt that you called them out if you don’t agree with them, if you say no to a narcissist, or the narcissist is envious of you, so they’re seeking to punish you. Then once they’ve got you all in your feelings, when you go to communicate your feelings with them, the narcissist will accuse you of being too sensitive.

6. “You’re too sensitive.”

Those who purposely hurt your feelings are incredibly insensitive people who lack the empathy to care for you. If you go to communicate your feelings with them, the narcissist will accuse you of being too sensitive. When you’re feeling sensitive, it’s easy to buy into the narcissists lies, as you are left to question your feelings to their behaviour and not the route cause to your feelings, their behaviour. Just like liars that accuse you of being crazy, emotional manipulators accuse you of overreacting or being too sensitive, being jealous, those who are trying to hide things from you are going to accuse you of imagining things.

7. “You imagine things.”

A narcissist doesn’t want you to see the things they’re doing to you. They want to hide these from you, they want to downplay how you feel, distract you from what’s happening to you, they want to manipulate your reality to serve them, they want to get you on the defensive explaining yourself to them, they want to get you to blame yourself, apologising and making it up to them for the things you don’t realise they’re doing to you. So the narcissist can get away with their mistreatment of you, so they can continue exploiting you.

We have to stop going to those for reassurance who continue to invalidate how we feel.

How to handle.

With a lot of what the narcissist says, it often comes down to your word against their word, if you can keep communication with a third party present, via email or messages, so you have written evidence, if not especially if your at the start of learning about their manipulation games or might need proof, keep a written diary, so when they are making you doubt something they did or did not say or something you did or didn’t say, you can check this, especially when it comes to making any child care arrangements.

Your mindset is also crucial; they are not in charge of you, they are not in charge of how you feel, your mind controls your emotions, and you control your mind, take back control of your mind, every step of every day, until you are you, your life or who you want to be, so if they’re trying to confuse you. You know exactly what happened, look inward to yourself and give yourself the answer, do not respond or react to them; they will not suddenly say, “Oh yes, sorry, you’re right.” The best you’ll get is more gaslighting of ”I’m sorry you. I’m sorry but you.” and when they get what they want, they’ll no longer be interested in you. You have to learn to look to yourself and leave them be in their own false reality.

You do not have to defend yourself or rationalise to the narcissist. This only gives them more attention, more reactions and more ammunition to use against you, keeping their control over you and your mind; just know what you know and leave them be; the only person you need to answer to is yourself. When they try to trigger you, Retreat, Rethink and only respond if you need to do so.

When you do have to communicate with them, do your best to stay relaxed, do not show them any emotions, look just over their right ear. If they are reasonable, be reasonable back; if they are being harmful or hurtful, do not engage, just like two wrongs don’t make a right, two people locked in negativity, don’t bring either happiness. You can scream and cry let those emotions out once they have left. This is why it’s best to stick to limited contact, using messages and emails, especially at the start; some are dangerous, so it would need to be no contact.

George Bernard Shaw.

“Never wrestle with pigs, you both get dirty, and the pig likes it.”

If you say. “It was like this”, and they say, “you’re wrong.”

If you have to respond. “That’s ok; I know you, and I think differently, my opinion is for me, and yours is for you.” Then leave it at that.

Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On YouTube.

On Facebook.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Advertisement.

What Keeps People Trapped In Narcissistic Relationships.

When you meet someone who is everything you ever thought you wanted, needed and more, as you are living your dreams with them at the start, in that idealisation stage of the relationship, and that is your reality of that moment in time, you see it you believe in it, it feels so good. You want to hold onto it and never let it go.

A narcissist is a con artist; they sell you a dream and deliver you a living nightmare.

Walking away from your dreams and away from the reality that you once lived when they were so kind and caring is hard.

It’s hard to walk away from any relationship. It’s hard walking away from someone you fell so deeply in love with. Walking away from a narcissistic relationship takes courage and strength.

When it comes to narcissistic people, it’s even harder to do, as your mind is in a state of confusion and stress, with two different reality’s playing out, as they manipulate through gaslighting, projection and blame-shifting, so you end up blaming yourself and believe you’re at fault. Thinking if only you’d change, you’d get that person you met back, that person who is just an illusion.

As the power struggle continues while you’re trying to keep true to yourself and they are trying to keep control within their own lives and over you. Whenever you give in, that person you met reappears, leaving you doubting their bad behaviour and believing it’s all your fault. It was never your fault.

The narcissist is also living in a state of mixed realities, deep down, they are insecure and vulnerable, continually searching for someone to fix them, and when their inner faults are not fixed, they will then punish people, as they only want their reality. They can only cope with the reality that they are good and everyone else is bad, where most people can see their own faults narcissistic people can not, and the toxic relationship is formed.

You have one partner that is hurting and will take everyone down to heal that hurt. Another who might have been hurting before and will definitely be hurting during the relationship that’s doing their best to heal the other person not realising it only harms themselves, both end up full of inner turmoil and self-harm, the narcissist in a negative way, yet blaming all others, you are doing your best to help, yet blaming yourself. It brings you more pain and discomfort.

And then I realised by helping you I was destroying me.

So even though you might know within yourself, it’s not healthy, why do you stay stuck?

Love bombing. The idealisation stage. Narcissists know how to hook people in. This is a manipulation tactic to feed you that false reality, making you believe and feel like the luckiest person alive, that you’re living out your dream. Then this confuses you when they stop acting this way, causing cognitive dissonance as your mind is trapped between reality’s and beliefs, also trauma bonding the dopamine released from the high and the cortisol from the stress of the lows.

Mirroring. When a narcissist mirrors, it’s done on a conscious level as they study their targets to purposefully reflect back what their target wants to hear, often accompanied by Future Faking. Some will stalk our social media. Others will ask friends and family about us. They are literally gathering data. As a narcissist lacks in their own authentic personality, they are testing yours. They want to build your hopes up, which creates the Trauma Bond. So when their mask slips and their envious face comes out in full force, they will then Project their negative qualities onto us, so we doubt ourselves, they downplay their toxic behaviour, and exaggerate things we haven’t even done to get us to conform to their demands and walk on Eggshells around them.

Mirroring is simply an Illusion as the narcissist sells us those dreams of what we want to hear, and once hooked, they begin to Devalue us in horrific ways. Still, as they’ve given us the hope of the illusion when they mirrored us in the idealisation, we don’t see what’s truly happening and do our best to bring that person we first met back. Yet, while in that mirroring stage, the narcissist has also learned the things that matter to us the most, and they use these against us to provoke our Reactions or to hurt our feelings, so they can twist the story to blame it all on us, they use our own insecurities against us. Then they Project, narcissists projection is a mix of their manipulative Gaslighting and their manipulative Blame-shifting as they go all out distracting you from the truth, as they do their best to cover the truth with distorted lies, as they hide the truth of their toxic, hurtful, negative behaviour from you. At the same time, they get you to doubt and blame yourself and take on the responsibility of the narcissist’s actions, they get you to defend yourself to them for how you think of feel due to their hurtful ways, so they escape accountability, so they remain in control, and so they get away with their actions time and time again, while slowly sinking you under their trance.

Future faking. The narcissist future faking is where the narcissist will use the future to get their needs met in the present by getting us to focus on the future promise that they will not deliver to gaslight us by selling us an illusion of something that was never meant to be.

Future faking is to hide things from us to distract us from the reality of what’s genuinely happening. They will promise something, and then when they don’t deliver on that thing, if we question them about it, it’ll be a case of. ” I’m sorry if only you.” to blame you for things that you possibly didn’t even do. Future faking is to sell you that hope that if only you did something, they would do something for you, to make you feel gratitude, so if they promise you something, then don’t deliver. You asked them if they will come up with something they have done, or they will gaslight you into believing they did something they didn’t. They will say. ”what about when I.”

Gratitude. We all know people make mistakes, and when you’ve seen how good they can act, you make excuses for bad behaviour as no one is perfect. Their gaslighting of events helps keep you in a trance. If they provoke and you react, then you’ve got reactive abuse, which the narcissist will blow way out of proportion as to why everything is your fault, yet with projection and blame-shifting. They will play down the part they played or any wrongdoing on their part. You can always find evidence of when they are a good person, again causing that inner conflict within your own mind, finding ways to make excuses for the bad and focus in on the good. They will do their best to make you feel grateful when they have done something for you. Yet make you feel bad if you don’t do something for them.

Empathy. You have high levels of understanding within you, do your best to relate to how others feel and help them best you can try to heal them, help them and give way too much of yourself. You have compassion and understanding and want to help people through their pain. Unfortunately, you’ll give and give and give, and all the narcissist will do is keep taking.

Cognitive dissonance, as they play on and exaggerate all their good qualities, refuse to accept responsibility, and they will play down all their bad, gaslighting you with. “It wasn’t that bad. That never happened. If only you’d. You’re crazy.” your inner conflict with your own mind causes devastating emotional turmoil.

Repetition compulsion, performing the same acts of behaviour and never getting different results. If you’ve had one toxic relationship and didn’t heal, you might try to fix the past in your present, and you can carry the trauma from one relationship into another. Narcissistic people prey on those who’ve had past traumas.

Guilt, the guilt of walking away, guilt of not trying, then the guilt of splitting up the family, guilt of the past.

Fear, the fear of the unknown, fear of reactions, fear of what others would think, fear of loss.

Trauma bonding, the highs and lows of the relationship, cause trauma bonding from the high dopamine levels to the cortisol. You are basically on a natural drug fix within yourself.

Financial abuse, the abuser will find ways to control your money, either by being the breadwinner and controlling how much you have or being a leech and draining your finances. They can guilt you into giving them money or guilt you into not wanting to ask for more.

Pride and ego, often when you’ve been isolated, especially if those people tried to warn or help you, your pride doesn’t want to let you reach out to them, fear they might reject you, fear no one would believe you.

You have to protect yourself and heal once you realise you’re in the never-ending cycle of a toxic relationship. The best way to do this is to get out safely.

It’s incredibly hard to leave. Once out, you’ll be wiser and stronger. Working on you and who you want to be, releasing guilt, pain, fear, working through the past to leave it in the past.

It takes, on average, seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Some manage less, some it takes more.

People stay because a narcissist gaslights, manipulates, exploits and coercively controls them into not seeing what’s happening to them while causing self-doubt and confusion, isolated from support.

Keep working on who am I? keep building new dreams, keeping working on your beliefs and your boundaries, your hobbies.

Make sure you eat well and sleep well. Try getting some exercise.

Remember, it’s baby steps all the way. You’re allowed a couple back. Just keep going, you can, and you will recover.

How narcissists distract.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

 Advertisement.

Why the narcissist always thinks they are right.

Trauma bonding.

Reactive abuse.

Cognitive dissonance.

Boundaries.

The Narcissists Silent Treatment.

“A narcissist’s silent treatment isn’t because you hurt their feelings. It’s manipulation to cause you psychological pain so they can further their control over you.”

The silent treatment is another form of psychological manipulation the narcissist uses against others. It is another form of emotional abuse to keep power and control over you, to avoid taking accountability for something they have done, avoid responsibility for their own actions. To maintain their dominance over you. It’s used to punish you for something you have or haven’t done. They believe you are beneath them, and they want to do it, so you conform to their demands.

The silent treatment can last for hours, days, weeks or months. Some people do this because they are genuinely hurt and unable to speak. When they do feel able to talk, it’ll be a two-way conversation. A narcissist uses the silent treatment to punish you. They want you to conform, and there is no give and take.

The silent treatment makes us feel invalidated, powerless, invisible, confused, intimidated, guilty, angry, frustrated, hurt, lonely, depressed, anxious and insignificant.

What silent treatment does to us?

1. The silent treatment hurts the brain, as it triggers pain pathways. Emotions triggered by the silent treatment engages the same part of the brain as physical pain does. The silent treatment hurts. Psychological, emotional pain hurts more than physical pain. If you try to remember the pain when you broke a bone or burnt yourself, any physical pain you have suffered, you know it hurt at that time. Yet, you can not remember the pain, thinking about memories of emotional distress, it hurts until we heal it, and that takes time and work from us, when we connect our emotions to a memory, whenever we think of that memory, it brings us back to whatever feeling we felt at that time.

Sometimes we have to change the meaning to memory, so the memory no longer has a hold over our feelings.

2. We love company, and we are designed to communicate with others. They know how cutting you off hurts deep, as one, of many narcissist’s worst fears is to be ignored, why many want you to chase them when they fall silent on you, however, we should respect their boundary of silence and leave them until they’re willing to communicate with us, yet this can criticise the narcissists need for excessive attention, why you can not win with a narcissist, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

3. It damages our brain. Your short term memory and decision making skills are lowered as it temporarily shrinks your hippocampus, the part of the brain that houses our thought process and grows our amygdala, the part that houses our emotions. With long term abuse, these might stay shrunk and enlarged. Until you get out and start working on yourself, these can be healed.

4. We want to belong, so it hurts, especially when those who are supposed to love and care no longer wish to know Or speak to us.

5. We blame ourselves and look for reasons for what we have done to cause it, blame ourselves and apologise. Make excuses for their behaviour.

The worst thing about excuses is within our minds. They are extremely valid.

6. We can become angry and aggressive, so they do it so when we then act out in anger, they blame us for the problems, with their projection and blame-Shifting.

7. We become addicted, as they can play nice when you up your game to help them, they might reward, reinforcing in your mind it was your fault, so you try harder to please them, for them to bring you down again, you end up continually seeking how to gain their approval, walking on eggshells around the narcissist, to avoid the silent treatment, slowly losing who you are, while they gain further power and control over you.

8. We reach out to them as it hurts our emotions, the mental pain is draining on us, and we want it to end. The narcissist takes this as winning, and they can keep it up for as long as they please as they don’t have that emotional intelligence.

The three types of silent treatment a narcissist will use.

The present silent treatment. Where they stick around and ignore you, or stop including you. This is used, so you become hurt, confused, angry and upset that they are ignoring you, insecure that they are not including you. To get an emotional reaction from you to them.

The absent silent treatment. Where they just disappear on you, but you can still message and call them, they might not reply. This is used, so you become fearful, confused, upset, concerned and worried about them and your relationship.

The ghosting. This is where they vanish entirely, their phones are off, or you are blocked, social media shut down, or you’re blocked. No way of contacting them at all. This is usually if they are with a new target, but not always. This is used so you do all you can to get answers and closure. You might reach out to their friends and family. This can help with their smear campaigns against you.

The reason they feel a need to use it.

1. You’ve refused to break down one of your boundaries.

2. You’ve criticised them in some way, most often unintentionally.

3. You’ve not done something or refused to do something for them.

4. When you’ve confronted them over something they don’t want to accept responsibility for.

5. You are no longer filling their needs.

6. They’ve drained you, you need help and support, and you can no longer help them.

They go into silent treatment to break down your boundaries, to get control of you and get you to conform to their demands, to get you to beg, plead, apologise and chase them, to react so they can blame us, to confuse us, so they keep power over us.

We then chase them as we want to end the pain, end the silent treatment, not realising we are giving them what they want. They want you to feel beneath them and work hard to please them.

Remember, they don’t think how we do. They are not looking for compromise. They are looking dominance and control. They are seeking that apology to confirm in their minds they are wrong. They are right. With the attention you give them, they believe they are important.

They don’t have the emotions, and they lack the empathy to care for your thoughts, feelings, fears or tears.

What you can you do?

1. Remember, You don’t need their approval or validation. It’s helpful for others to Validate you. You don’t need it. Your value comes from within. Genuine people will value and respect you.

2. Observers don’t absorb. Recognise it, see what they are doing, don’t look inwards for answers, see this is their problem, that they only do to hurt you.

3. If they want to be silent, they are entitled to be silent. You are allowed to respect their boundary and leave them to it, remember you’re not the problem, look for what they are trying to achieve in doing this, what they want or need from you and don’t give it to them.

4. Focus on yourself, turn inwards and find things you love, lift yourself up, find genuine people to connect with, most importantly, connect within yourself. Think about what you need. No, you don’t need them to help you. They are the ones who are hurting you, exercise, meditate, yoga, go for a walk, watch an uplifting movie, read a good book.

5. Do not get in touch, do not call or message, focus on yourself and doing things you love.

6. Do not let them know it’s bothering you.

7. Remember, if the silent treatment hasn’t worked, they might up their game. Observe their patterns of behaviour, don’t absorb.

8. Remember they have insecurities, shame and fears, instead of dealing with those within themselves, they want to project or provoke you to pass those feelings onto you, you can not help as they don’t see a problem within themselves, you can, however, help you, instead of putting your time energy and effort into them, put it into you.

9. Don’t go to them for answers, and they will not tell you what you want to hear. You are just adding fuel to the fire, and they want you to do this. They’ll wait until you find a reason for what you did wrong. Give yourself the answer, and this is who they are. They are unwilling and unable to change. However, you can leave them be, become wiser and stronger and learn what behaviours you’ll no longer accept for others.

10. Become at peace within yourself. Don’t let others take you down; remove negative people from your life. Saying no to someone over something you don’t like is a significant deal-breaker.

11. no contact or grey rock.

12. Do all the things you love to do.

Remember, you are worth so much more than living with these kinds of people in your life. They can try to play games with you if you stop playing and start focusing on yourself. They will find someone else to play with.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

On Facebook. 

On YouTube.

On Twitter.

On Instagram. 

On Pinterest. 

On LinkedIn.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors. 

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course. 

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers. 

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Advertisement.

How they control conversations.