Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
A big struggle for good, kind, generous people is learning how to put themselves first, that you need to be your own top priority.
This can be extremely difficult, especially if you were raised with narcissistic parents, with your own perceptions of how you should treat people, believing and wanting to see the good in all others. Accepting that some people make mistakes, society telling us we should put others first. After going through the hell of a toxic relationship with a narcissist, if that was your parent, partner, friend, child, or work colleagues. It can be difficult to start putting your own needs first.
Those who haven’t been through a toxic relationship themselves really do not understand how difficult it is to move on and start prioritising yourself, without feeling bad or guilty for doing so. Limiting beliefs within your own mind can hold you back in recovery from narcissistic abuse.
Leaving your horrendous past behind, living in the Present-day and planning a happier, more positive future, is a must after an abusive relationship.
Now is the time to work on removing those limiting beliefs and start putting yourself first.
Four limiting beliefs.
1. I should put others first.
So long as your intentions are good, there is no wrong way or right way to live your own life to suit your individual needs. Most of us get taught from a very early age, to take it in turns, to be polite. This is good, you can have a respectful yes, and you can have a polite no thank you. You can share your things with those who share with you. Those who do not, then you should not. The life balance of give and take.
In adulthood, these beliefs are extremely dangerous in a narcissistic person’s hands, as they will take advantage of anyone they can. When you continue to put others needs before your own, you will only ever lose yourself, as most of us have found out the hard way. You are allowed to share with those who share back, and you’re allowed to leave those who are unable to share.
2. But I always help others.
There is nothing wrong with helping and being there to support others in times of need. Especially those who help you. Sometimes you might need to take time out to help yourself first, so you can be at your best in helping others, you’re allowed to get help from those willing to help you.
Those who continue to abuse your kindness, are unable and unwilling to support you when you need it, even though you support them, give to them and forgive them. Those people you need to stop helping and start helping yourself instead.
3. People will not like me.
This is a dangerous limiting belief as you then become a people pleaser in order to be liked, losing who you indeed are to those who take advantage of your kindness, being fearful of saying no or setting boundaries in case someone doesn’t like you. That’s exactly why you need to do this. Those who do not like you are not for you. Real friends. Real people will love you for who you are and will respect your boundaries even if they don’t agree, just like you respect others boundaries and still like them. People will most likely respect you more.
4. I’m not good enough.
While you’re in the mindset of telling yourself you’re not good enough, you’ll believe you’re not, most likely toxic people planted that thought in your mind then helped you grow it. Now write down who’s made you think like that, write they are wrong and write that you are good enough and good people will agree.
These beliefs you can change, and you need to change, you need to believe you are good enough and start putting yourself, your loves, your likes and your happiness first. You are then giving your best to others. It will take practice to reprogram your mind, baby steps, just like a baby learning how to walk, they make a couple of steps forward then go back to crawling, yet they get up and go again, they might wobble, they might fall, yet they get up and go again until they get it, human nature that somewhere gets lost. Is when we fail it’s our first attempt in learning, then we get back up and go again until we succeed.
Remember you’re not doing it to become selfish, you’re doing it to become self-aware.
Keep working on “who am I.” Keep throwing out those negative self-doubt thought and keep replacing them with positive I can thoughts. Keep working on you no’s your beliefs, putting yourself first and creating a new happier life for you.
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