What Keeps People Trapped In Narcissistic Relationships.

When you meet someone who is everything you ever thought you wanted, needed and more, as you are living your dreams with them at the start, in that idealisation stage of the relationship, and that is your reality of that moment in time, you see it you believe in it, it feels so good. You want to hold onto it and never let it go.

A narcissist is a con artist; they sell you a dream and deliver you a living nightmare.

Walking away from your dreams and away from the reality that you once lived when they were so kind and caring is hard.

It’s hard to walk away from any relationship. It’s hard walking away from someone you fell so deeply in love with. Walking away from a narcissistic relationship takes courage and strength.

When it comes to narcissistic people, it’s even harder to do, as your mind is in a state of confusion and stress, with two different reality’s playing out, as they manipulate through gaslighting, projection and blame-shifting, so you end up blaming yourself and believe you’re at fault. Thinking if only you’d change, you’d get that person you met back, that person who is just an illusion.

As the power struggle continues while you’re trying to keep true to yourself and they are trying to keep control within their own lives and over you. Whenever you give in, that person you met reappears, leaving you doubting their bad behaviour and believing it’s all your fault. It was never your fault.

The narcissist is also living in a state of mixed realities, deep down, they are insecure and vulnerable, continually searching for someone to fix them, and when their inner faults are not fixed, they will then punish people, as they only want their reality. They can only cope with the reality that they are good and everyone else is bad, where most people can see their own faults narcissistic people can not, and the toxic relationship is formed.

You have one partner that is hurting and will take everyone down to heal that hurt. Another who might have been hurting before and will definitely be hurting during the relationship that’s doing their best to heal the other person not realising it only harms themselves, both end up full of inner turmoil and self-harm, the narcissist in a negative way, yet blaming all others, you are doing your best to help, yet blaming yourself. It brings you more pain and discomfort.

And then I realised by helping you I was destroying me.

So even though you might know within yourself, it’s not healthy, why do you stay stuck?

Love bombing. The idealisation stage. Narcissists know how to hook people in. This is a manipulation tactic to feed you that false reality, making you believe and feel like the luckiest person alive, that you’re living out your dream. Then this confuses you when they stop acting this way, causing cognitive dissonance as your mind is trapped between reality’s and beliefs, also trauma bonding the dopamine released from the high and the cortisol from the stress of the lows.

Mirroring. When a narcissist mirrors, it’s done on a conscious level as they study their targets to purposefully reflect back what their target wants to hear, often accompanied by Future Faking. Some will stalk our social media. Others will ask friends and family about us. They are literally gathering data. As a narcissist lacks in their own authentic personality, they are testing yours. They want to build your hopes up, which creates the Trauma Bond. So when their mask slips and their envious face comes out in full force, they will then Project their negative qualities onto us, so we doubt ourselves, they downplay their toxic behaviour, and exaggerate things we haven’t even done to get us to conform to their demands and walk on Eggshells around them.

Mirroring is simply an Illusion as the narcissist sells us those dreams of what we want to hear, and once hooked, they begin to Devalue us in horrific ways. Still, as they’ve given us the hope of the illusion when they mirrored us in the idealisation, we don’t see what’s truly happening and do our best to bring that person we first met back. Yet, while in that mirroring stage, the narcissist has also learned the things that matter to us the most, and they use these against us to provoke our Reactions or to hurt our feelings, so they can twist the story to blame it all on us, they use our own insecurities against us. Then they Project, narcissists projection is a mix of their manipulative Gaslighting and their manipulative Blame-shifting as they go all out distracting you from the truth, as they do their best to cover the truth with distorted lies, as they hide the truth of their toxic, hurtful, negative behaviour from you. At the same time, they get you to doubt and blame yourself and take on the responsibility of the narcissist’s actions, they get you to defend yourself to them for how you think of feel due to their hurtful ways, so they escape accountability, so they remain in control, and so they get away with their actions time and time again, while slowly sinking you under their trance.

Future faking. The narcissist future faking is where the narcissist will use the future to get their needs met in the present by getting us to focus on the future promise that they will not deliver to gaslight us by selling us an illusion of something that was never meant to be.

Future faking is to hide things from us to distract us from the reality of what’s genuinely happening. They will promise something, and then when they don’t deliver on that thing, if we question them about it, it’ll be a case of. ” I’m sorry if only you.” to blame you for things that you possibly didn’t even do. Future faking is to sell you that hope that if only you did something, they would do something for you, to make you feel gratitude, so if they promise you something, then don’t deliver. You asked them if they will come up with something they have done, or they will gaslight you into believing they did something they didn’t. They will say. ”what about when I.”

Gratitude. We all know people make mistakes, and when you’ve seen how good they can act, you make excuses for bad behaviour as no one is perfect. Their gaslighting of events helps keep you in a trance. If they provoke and you react, then you’ve got reactive abuse, which the narcissist will blow way out of proportion as to why everything is your fault, yet with projection and blame-shifting. They will play down the part they played or any wrongdoing on their part. You can always find evidence of when they are a good person, again causing that inner conflict within your own mind, finding ways to make excuses for the bad and focus in on the good. They will do their best to make you feel grateful when they have done something for you. Yet make you feel bad if you don’t do something for them.

Empathy. You have high levels of understanding within you, do your best to relate to how others feel and help them best you can try to heal them, help them and give way too much of yourself. You have compassion and understanding and want to help people through their pain. Unfortunately, you’ll give and give and give, and all the narcissist will do is keep taking.

Cognitive dissonance, as they play on and exaggerate all their good qualities, refuse to accept responsibility, and they will play down all their bad, gaslighting you with. “It wasn’t that bad. That never happened. If only you’d. You’re crazy.” your inner conflict with your own mind causes devastating emotional turmoil.

Repetition compulsion, performing the same acts of behaviour and never getting different results. If you’ve had one toxic relationship and didn’t heal, you might try to fix the past in your present, and you can carry the trauma from one relationship into another. Narcissistic people prey on those who’ve had past traumas.

Guilt, the guilt of walking away, guilt of not trying, then the guilt of splitting up the family, guilt of the past.

Fear, the fear of the unknown, fear of reactions, fear of what others would think, fear of loss.

Trauma bonding, the highs and lows of the relationship, cause trauma bonding from the high dopamine levels to the cortisol. You are basically on a natural drug fix within yourself.

Financial abuse, the abuser will find ways to control your money, either by being the breadwinner and controlling how much you have or being a leech and draining your finances. They can guilt you into giving them money or guilt you into not wanting to ask for more.

Pride and ego, often when you’ve been isolated, especially if those people tried to warn or help you, your pride doesn’t want to let you reach out to them, fear they might reject you, fear no one would believe you.

You have to protect yourself and heal once you realise you’re in the never-ending cycle of a toxic relationship. The best way to do this is to get out safely.

It’s incredibly hard to leave. Once out, you’ll be wiser and stronger. Working on you and who you want to be, releasing guilt, pain, fear, working through the past to leave it in the past.

It takes, on average, seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Some manage less, some it takes more.

People stay because a narcissist gaslights, manipulates, exploits and coercively controls them into not seeing what’s happening to them while causing self-doubt and confusion, isolated from support.

Keep working on who am I? keep building new dreams, keeping working on your beliefs and your boundaries, your hobbies.

Make sure you eat well and sleep well. Try getting some exercise.

Remember, it’s baby steps all the way. You’re allowed a couple back. Just keep going, you can, and you will recover.

How narcissists distract.

Click the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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Why the narcissist always thinks they are right.

Trauma bonding.

Reactive abuse.

Cognitive dissonance.

Boundaries.

The Narcissists Silent Treatment.

“A narcissist’s silent treatment isn’t because you hurt their feelings. It’s manipulation to cause you psychological pain so they can further their control over you.”

The silent treatment is another form of psychological manipulation the narcissist uses against others. It is another form of emotional abuse to keep power and control over you, to avoid taking accountability for something they have done, avoid responsibility for their own actions. To maintain their dominance over you. It’s used to punish you for something you have or haven’t done. They believe you are beneath them, and they want to do it, so you conform to their demands.

The silent treatment can last for hours, days, weeks or months. Some people do this because they are genuinely hurt and unable to speak. When they do feel able to talk, it’ll be a two-way conversation. A narcissist uses the silent treatment to punish you. They want you to conform, and there is no give and take.

The silent treatment makes us feel invalidated, powerless, invisible, confused, intimidated, guilty, angry, frustrated, hurt, lonely, depressed, anxious and insignificant.

What silent treatment does to us?

1. The silent treatment hurts the brain, as it triggers pain pathways. Emotions triggered by the silent treatment engages the same part of the brain as physical pain does. The silent treatment hurts. Psychological, emotional pain hurts more than physical pain. If you try to remember the pain when you broke a bone or burnt yourself, any physical pain you have suffered, you know it hurt at that time. Yet, you can not remember the pain, thinking about memories of emotional distress, it hurts until we heal it, and that takes time and work from us, when we connect our emotions to a memory, whenever we think of that memory, it brings us back to whatever feeling we felt at that time.

Sometimes we have to change the meaning to memory, so the memory no longer has a hold over our feelings.

2. We love company, and we are designed to communicate with others. They know how cutting you off hurts deep, as one, of many narcissist’s worst fears is to be ignored, why many want you to chase them when they fall silent on you, however, we should respect their boundary of silence and leave them until they’re willing to communicate with us, yet this can criticise the narcissists need for excessive attention, why you can not win with a narcissist, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

3. It damages our brain. Your short term memory and decision making skills are lowered as it temporarily shrinks your hippocampus, the part of the brain that houses our thought process and grows our amygdala, the part that houses our emotions. With long term abuse, these might stay shrunk and enlarged. Until you get out and start working on yourself, these can be healed.

4. We want to belong, so it hurts, especially when those who are supposed to love and care no longer wish to know Or speak to us.

5. We blame ourselves and look for reasons for what we have done to cause it, blame ourselves and apologise. Make excuses for their behaviour.

The worst thing about excuses is within our minds. They are extremely valid.

6. We can become angry and aggressive, so they do it so when we then act out in anger, they blame us for the problems, with their projection and blame-Shifting.

7. We become addicted, as they can play nice when you up your game to help them, they might reward, reinforcing in your mind it was your fault, so you try harder to please them, for them to bring you down again, you end up continually seeking how to gain their approval, walking on eggshells around the narcissist, to avoid the silent treatment, slowly losing who you are, while they gain further power and control over you.

8. We reach out to them as it hurts our emotions, the mental pain is draining on us, and we want it to end. The narcissist takes this as winning, and they can keep it up for as long as they please as they don’t have that emotional intelligence.

The three types of silent treatment a narcissist will use.

The present silent treatment. Where they stick around and ignore you, or stop including you. This is used, so you become hurt, confused, angry and upset that they are ignoring you, insecure that they are not including you. To get an emotional reaction from you to them.

The absent silent treatment. Where they just disappear on you, but you can still message and call them, they might not reply. This is used, so you become fearful, confused, upset, concerned and worried about them and your relationship.

The ghosting. This is where they vanish entirely, their phones are off, or you are blocked, social media shut down, or you’re blocked. No way of contacting them at all. This is usually if they are with a new target, but not always. This is used so you do all you can to get answers and closure. You might reach out to their friends and family. This can help with their smear campaigns against you.

The reason they feel a need to use it.

1. You’ve refused to break down one of your boundaries.

2. You’ve criticised them in some way, most often unintentionally.

3. You’ve not done something or refused to do something for them.

4. When you’ve confronted them over something they don’t want to accept responsibility for.

5. You are no longer filling their needs.

6. They’ve drained you, you need help and support, and you can no longer help them.

They go into silent treatment to break down your boundaries, to get control of you and get you to conform to their demands, to get you to beg, plead, apologise and chase them, to react so they can blame us, to confuse us, so they keep power over us.

We then chase them as we want to end the pain, end the silent treatment, not realising we are giving them what they want. They want you to feel beneath them and work hard to please them.

Remember, they don’t think how we do. They are not looking for compromise. They are looking dominance and control. They are seeking that apology to confirm in their minds they are wrong. They are right. With the attention you give them, they believe they are important.

They don’t have the emotions, and they lack the empathy to care for your thoughts, feelings, fears or tears.

What you can you do?

1. Remember, You don’t need their approval or validation. It’s helpful for others to Validate you. You don’t need it. Your value comes from within. Genuine people will value and respect you.

2. Observers don’t absorb. Recognise it, see what they are doing, don’t look inwards for answers, see this is their problem, that they only do to hurt you.

3. If they want to be silent, they are entitled to be silent. You are allowed to respect their boundary and leave them to it, remember you’re not the problem, look for what they are trying to achieve in doing this, what they want or need from you and don’t give it to them.

4. Focus on yourself, turn inwards and find things you love, lift yourself up, find genuine people to connect with, most importantly, connect within yourself. Think about what you need. No, you don’t need them to help you. They are the ones who are hurting you, exercise, meditate, yoga, go for a walk, watch an uplifting movie, read a good book.

5. Do not get in touch, do not call or message, focus on yourself and doing things you love.

6. Do not let them know it’s bothering you.

7. Remember, if the silent treatment hasn’t worked, they might up their game. Observe their patterns of behaviour, don’t absorb.

8. Remember they have insecurities, shame and fears, instead of dealing with those within themselves, they want to project or provoke you to pass those feelings onto you, you can not help as they don’t see a problem within themselves, you can, however, help you, instead of putting your time energy and effort into them, put it into you.

9. Don’t go to them for answers, and they will not tell you what you want to hear. You are just adding fuel to the fire, and they want you to do this. They’ll wait until you find a reason for what you did wrong. Give yourself the answer, and this is who they are. They are unwilling and unable to change. However, you can leave them be, become wiser and stronger and learn what behaviours you’ll no longer accept for others.

10. Become at peace within yourself. Don’t let others take you down; remove negative people from your life. Saying no to someone over something you don’t like is a significant deal-breaker.

11. no contact or grey rock.

12. Do all the things you love to do.

Remember, you are worth so much more than living with these kinds of people in your life. They can try to play games with you if you stop playing and start focusing on yourself. They will find someone else to play with.

Click on the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

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How they control conversations.

It’s Time To Start Putting Yourself First After Narcissistic Abuse.

A big struggle for genuine, honest, kind, generous people is learning how to put themselves first, that you need to be your own top priority.

This can be extremely difficult, especially if you were raised with narcissistic parents, with your own perceptions of how you should treat people, believing and wanting to see the good in all others. Accepting that some people make mistakes, society telling us we should put others first. After going through the hell of a toxic relationship with a narcissist, if that was your parent, partner, friend, child, or work colleagues. It can be difficult to start putting your own needs first.

Those who haven’t been through a toxic relationship themselves really do not understand how difficult it is to move on and start prioritising yourself without feeling bad or guilty for doing so. Limiting beliefs within your own mind can hold you back in recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Leaving your horrendous past behind, living in the Present-day and planning a happier, more positive future is a must after an abusive relationship.

Now is the time to work on removing those limiting beliefs and start putting yourself first.

Four limiting beliefs.

1. I should put others first.

So long as your intentions are good, there is no wrong way or right way to live your own life to suit your individual needs. Most of us get taught from a very early age to take it in turns, to be polite. This is good, you can have a respectful yes, and you can have a polite no thank you. You can share your things with those who share with you. Those who do not, then you should not. The life balance of give and take.

In adulthood, these beliefs are extremely dangerous in a narcissistic person’s hands, as they will take advantage of anyone they can. When you continue to put others needs before your own, you will only ever lose yourself, as most of us have found out the hard way. You are allowed to share with those who share back, and you’re allowed to leave those who are unable to share.

2. But I always help others.

There is nothing wrong with helping and being there to support others in times of need. Especially those who help you. Sometimes you might need to take time out to help yourself first, so you can be at your best in helping others. You’re allowed to get help from those willing to help you.

Those who continue to abuse your kindness are unable and unwilling to support you when you need it. Those who are only ever there for you when they need you, even though you support them, give to them and forgive them. Those people you need to stop helping and start helping yourself instead.

3. People will not like me.

This is a dangerous limiting belief as you then become a people pleaser in order to be liked, losing who you indeed are to those who take advantage of your kindness, being fearful of saying no or setting boundaries in case someone doesn’t like you. That’s exactly why you need to do this—those who do not like you are not for you. Real friends, genuine people will love you for who you are and will respect your boundaries even if they disagree, just like you respect others boundaries and still like them when you disagree with them. People will most likely respect you more.

4. I’m not good enough.

While you’re in the mindset of telling yourself you’re not good enough, you’ll believe you’re not. Most likely toxic people planted that thought in your mind then helped you grow it. Now write down who’s made you think like that, write they are wrong and write that you are good enough and good people will agree.

Those who are envious of you try to destroy you. They try to sabotage you due to their feelings of envy. They seek to make you not feel enough to feel better about themselves.

When people try to bring you down, don’t go with them, remind yourself you are enough, you are worthy, you are kind. If they can not respect and support you, they’re not for you.

All these beliefs you can change, and you need to change. You need to believe you are good enough and start putting yourself, your loves, your likes and your happiness first. You are then giving your best to others. It will take practice to reprogram your mind, baby steps, just like a baby learning how to walk, they make a couple of steps forward then go back to crawling. Yet, they get up and go again, they might wobble, they might fall, yet they get up and go again until they get it, human nature that somewhere gets lost. When we fail, it’s our first attempt at learning, then we get back up and go again until we succeed.

Remember, you’re not doing it to become selfish. You’re doing it to become self-aware.

Keep working on “who am I.” Keep throwing out those negative self-doubt thought and keep replacing them with positive I can thoughts. Keep working on you no’s your beliefs, putting yourself first and creating a new happier life for you.

Limiting beliefs.

Boundaries.

The selfish narcissist.

Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.

The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.

For the full course.

Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.

For the free course.

Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.

To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.

Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.

All about the narcissist Online course.

Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.

The narcissists counter-parenting.

Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Rollercoaster Ride Of Recovery.

Glossary Of The Words Used to Understand The Crazy Making Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Understanding the terminology to explain the narcissistic personality disorder.

Terminology relating to the narcissist personality disorder has been developed by psychologists and therapists as well as survivors of the abuse, seeking an understanding of what they have been through. This is an overview of most of the terms.

Narcissist characteristics the meaning, they might not show them all at the same time.

1. Arrogant and haughty behaviour. They are unpleasantly proud of who they are. Some will be obvious in showing it Overt v’s Covert those who will hide it away

2. A sense of entitlement. They believe they have a right to anything and everything they want. What’s yours is mine, and what’s mines my own attitude.

3. Exploitative. Whatever they do is only to ever to meet a need of their own.

4. Grandiose. If they show it or not, they believe they are superior to all others.

5. Jealous and Envy They are never pleased and always want more.

6. Lack of Empathy they can not truly feel what others do or put themselves in other people’s shoes.

7. Preoccupied with power and/or success. Those who are victorious will brag. Those who are not will blame others.

8. Requires excessive attention. They need to be admired by others, through love or fear.

9. The belief they are special. They believe all others are inferior to them.

Meanings of words for the types of narcissists on the spectrum.

The three main types are.

1. Grandiose. Better than all others, will act and say they are.

2. Vulnerable. Can come across as kind and compassionate, like most narcissists can, yet will always play the victim and destroy those close to them.

3. Malignant. An extreme mix of narcissism, antisocial and psychopath, with paranoid traits.

The subtypes are

1. Covert. These narcissists keep their abuse more hidden. They can be shy and, to the outside world, appear kind.

2. Overt. These narcissists are most apparent, grandiose behaviour. They are arrogant, demanding and boastful. They have rage very close to the surface when they don’t get their own way. Ruthless in power and control.

3. Somatic. These narcissists usually rely upon their body’s and looks for gaining attention.

4. Cerebral. These narcissists typically rely on intelligence. Although not all are intelligent, some lie about that too.

Other words used for Narcissist types.

1. The narcissistic winner. Everything is a competition, and they want to win at all costs.

2. The sneaky narcissist, they always have the perfect sob story and play the victim very well to manipulate others into helping them.

3. They know it all, narcissists. They know anything and everything, yet they’ll never have facts to back things up.

4. The puppet master narcissist. They control and have the power of all those around them.

5. The antagonist narcissist. These will always have an enemy. They scream at other car drivers, are nasty to neighbours, rude to staff.

6. The status narcissist. These have social power, status and success.

7. The Royal narcissist. They believe they are entitled to the best of everything.

We have narcissist, narcissism, NPD and narcissistic and more that people use to describe the behaviour itself.

It is a Cluster B personality disorder. These included narcissistic, antisocial, borderline, histrionic personality disorders on the cluster B, often with those having one of the disorders also having characteristics of one of the other disorders.

We have the Victim or survivor. I prefer the term target as the Narcissist targets individuals to fill their own needs. Staying in Victim mode doesn’t help people recover. You are a survivor and now experienced in what love isn’t.

Meanings of what they do.

1. Baiting. Where the narcissist will intentionally make someone angry by saying or doing something to annoy or taunt them deliberately, to hook trap or entice someone, and getting someone to do what the narcissist wants them to do.

2. Blame shifting. Switching the crazy-making onto the innocent target. When anyone confronts the narcissist or tries to set boundaries, the narcissist will change the whole focus onto the innocent target. So they can escape accountability and not take responsibility for their actions. Putting all the attention and blame onto the target.

3. Boundaries, the narcissist will try to break down all the targets boundaries. The targets self-beliefs of things they will and will not accept, things they will And will not do. A narcissist will step over and stomp out each and everyone through their many manipulation methods.

4. Counter parenting. This is when they will use all they can against the healthy parent. They do not care for the damage they cause to the children’s minds so long as they destroy the other parent.

5. Devalue. Narcissists believe they are superior to all others. Devaluing friends, family and partners. This is when they slowly take the target apart because of their emotional level of awareness, not developing past toddlerhood. Their insecurities of unattainable perfection. They do not hesitate in putting others down through, expressing their disappointment in the target, rage, being hostile, belittling, being judgmental of the target, and abandonment of the target.

6. Discard. When the narcissist no longer sees the target as useful to them or desirable, so they throw them away, cast them to one side, usually in more mind-blowing hideous ways, just to cut the target open even more and leave them with more self-doubts.

7. Divide and conquer. To assert control over others. To create diversions among people, to dominate, and to isolate people, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate people.

8. Enablers. Someone who doesn’t understand what the narcissist is or believes their believable pity plays at the time. Enablers are often unwittingly manipulated by the narcissist to think they truly understand them and can help them, often helping the narcissist destroys others without realising.

9. Future Faking. When the narcissist gives their targets false hope of a future, they’ll never deliver.

10. Flying Monkeys. From the film Wizard of Oz. These are enablers who help the narcissist by terrorising targets for the narcissist, and the narcissist manipulates others into doing the dirty work for them. They can be friends, partners, parents, siblings and children.

11. Gaslighting. This is an insidious form of psychological abuse where they sow seeds of self-doubt into others. Hence, the target loses their own reality, their sanity, their memories and their perceptions. The narcissist undermines the targets mental state. They lie and give false information by projection, blame-shifting, triangulation. Saying, “that never happened.” “I told you last week.” “You’re sensitive.” Or the “you’re crazy.” They brainwash their targets into believing the narcissist’s reality.

12. Hoover. Named after the hoover, as they try to suck people back in to spit them back out, they make those around them miserable, often driving others away eventually. If people pull away, they might try to hoover the target back in. They use lots of manipulative tactics to do this. The hoover is when they come to suck the target back in as they feel a need to use them again, to discard them all over again. If they have a new source of supply, they might leave them alone and focus on the new target. If the new target isn’t working out, most will hoover an old target

13. Idealisation / Love Bombing. The action of making something seemingly perfect or better than the actual reality. The narcissist will hook a target In by making them believe that they are perfect and all their dreams have come true. Followed by devaluation and discard.

14. Insincere Apology. As a narcissist is never accountable and believes they are always right. You’ll not get a real apology, only a false apology if the narcissist thinks it will meet a need of their own. To remove any shame they feel, things like. “I’m sorry if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” ” I’m sorry, but you couldn’t handle the truth.” “I’m sorry you’re too sensitive to understand.”

15. Manipulation. The action of unscrupulously controlling others for their own advantage unfairly and dishonesty.

16. Mirroring, when they copy who you are, and reflect all your likes, dislikes, hobbies, hopes and dreams back to you.

17. Narcissistic injury. They’ve usually suffered some form of emotional trauma as a child, which stunted or stopped their development of emotions as they turned to fight mode.

18. Narcissist rage. If the narcissist feels criticism, isn’t getting things their own way, or feels entitled to something they are not getting, it hurts their inflated ego setting off wild and sometimes dangerous rage, far beyond healthy anger. It’s traumatising to the targets.

19. Narcissistic Smirk. When they form, for a second smirk over something, ordinary people wouldn’t, as they can not fully contain their delight in destroying others.

20. Narcissist Stare. This is something out of this world. Anyone who’s witnessed this knows how it can make you freeze on the spot. They seem soulless, and most narcissistic eyes turn a cold black.

21. Neglect. They ignore others needs for emotional, psychological or physical requirements, and they will not give others care or attention unless it meets a need of their own.

22. Projection. Pushing their own feelings, thoughts, actions, beliefs, opinions and traits onto someone else, the narcissist will blame others escaping accountability. They will accuse others of what they are actually doing. From “you’re a liar.” “You’re cheating.” “You’re insecure.”

23. Supply. Narcissist depends on others emotions to sustain their sense of identity, and they need a number of emotions from others, negative or positive. To regulate their self-esteem. Without supply, they are empty, and they will use friends, family, work colleagues. No one is exempt. If they can not get positive, they will seek to destroy and get negative. If their primary source pulls away, they might hoover them, hoover an ex, or explore a new supply.

24. Silent treatments. Another form of psychological manipulation, to make the target beg, plead, apologies and make up to the narcissist for things they didn’t even do, the present silent treatment in the home where you’re left walking on eggshells, or where they just disappear on you.

25. Smear campaigns. This is when the narcissist is losing control of the target’s mind. So try’s to discredit the target, destroying the targets reputation or character by smearing the targets name to manipulate others to side with the narcissist. They do this also out of envy. They are extremely calculated in trying to discredit those who see through their mask, and they will gossip. Lie, blame shift about the target, to children, parents, siblings, neighbours, work colleagues—anyone they can to isolate and destroy the target.

26. The Scapegoat. The child who usually is strong-willed with a mind of its own, the narcissist struggles to control, so blames the scapegoat for everything.

27. The lost child. The child who gets nothing, no negative, no positive, no love, no hate.

28. The mascot. The child who plays the jester role to escape becoming the scapegoat.

29. The golden child, usually sensitive and keen to please, so the narcissist can easily manipulate to make the child meet the narcissist’s high demands.

30. Triangulation. Where they use others to get the target to give in to the narcissist’s demands or isolate the target from any support network. Through making lies up and informing one of something another said. To divide and conquer. To dominate all others. They create competition better others. They will even play their own children off against each other.

31. Word Salad. . A mixture of words and phrases that lack any meaning to the original topic.

Meaning of words that people of this abuse can suffer from during and have to recover from afterwards.

1. Anxiety. An excessive, irrational feeling of worry, nervousness, unease.

2. CPTSD. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Due to suffering from a series of stressful, traumatic events.

3. Depression. An excessive amount of self-doubt, misery, sadness, woe and doom.

4. Fear. An excessive amount of being scared about the narcissist, what they might do, fear for yours and the children’s safety, fear and distrust in others.

5. Fight, Flight, Freeze or Fawn. Humans four natural defence modes. Targets often fight back, run away, freeze on the spot or give in and fawn to the narcissist’s demands as they believe life would be easier this way.

6. Guilt. For not seeing it sooner, being unable to help, enabling the narcissist thinking it was helpful, for accepting behaviours that should have never accepted, for taking all the blame. Remove that guilt. At the time, your intentions were good. Please always remember that.

7. Hyper-vigilance. Always on guard for anything and everything that could go wrong.

8. Insomnia. Unable to sleep.

9. Intrusive thoughts. Things that happened in the past, things that could happen in the future, full of fear, worry and guilt.

10. Overactivity. Keeping busy to try and stop intrusive thoughts, but doing far too much.

11. Physical health. We can have so many health problems after being around these kinds of people.

12. Reactive Abuse. When we react to the narcissist’s provocation.

13. Self-isolation. No longer trusting others, so isolating themselves from all others for fear of being hurt.

14. Self-destructive behaviours. By not removing the guilt for things done that wasn’t understood at the time, self-sabotaging, the present as feeling unworthy.

15. Trauma Bonding. Believing in love and that the narcissist can be helped, trauma bonding is from being taken up so high to then be dropped so low, the body release chemicals, so it needs to be weaned off those drugs released by the body. It’s not love. It’s a drug addiction that the body needs to be weaned off.

Meaning of what that targets need to do to break free from the narcissist.

1. Boundaries. Your no needs to mean no, and you need to stick to your no. If something doesn’t suit you, it’s a no.

2. Grey Rock. If the target is unable to go no contact, everything is on a needs to know the business like Response only, as dull as possible. The narcissists don’t know anything about the target. With limited communication and limited contact, the target gives the narcissist no reaction.

3. No Contact. Just that no contact, the target completely removes them from any part of their life and never gets in touch again; this can include the narcissists, friends, family, flying monkeys, enablers.

4. No reaction. Never react to the narcissist’s games as that hands the targets power over to the narcissist.

5. Outsmart. Learning how to outsmart the narcissist’s manipulation games.

When awareness is out for all those going through this, all professions, there will be more understanding to help people reclaim reality, recover and move on. It’ll stop people from falling for this kind of abusive person again and, hopefully, one day stop people from getting involved in the first place.

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