When you meet someone who is everything you ever thought you wanted, needed and more, as you are living your dreams with them at the start, in that idealisation stage of the relationship, and that is your reality of that moment in time, you see it you believe in it, it feels so good. You want to hold onto it and never let it go.
A narcissist is a con artist; they sell you a dream and deliver you a living nightmare.
Walking away from your dreams and away from the reality that you once lived when they were so kind and caring is hard.
It’s hard to walk away from any relationship. It’s hard walking away from someone you fell so deeply in love with. Walking away from a narcissistic relationship takes courage and strength.
When it comes to narcissistic people, it’s even harder to do, as your mind is in a state of confusion and stress, with two different reality’s playing out, as they manipulate through gaslighting, projection and blame-shifting, so you end up blaming yourself and believe you’re at fault. Thinking if only you’d change, you’d get that person you met back, that person who is just an illusion.
As the power struggle continues while you’re trying to keep true to yourself and they are trying to keep control within their own lives and over you. Whenever you give in, that person you met reappears, leaving you doubting their bad behaviour and believing it’s all your fault. It was never your fault.
The narcissist is also living in a state of mixed realities, deep down, they are insecure and vulnerable, continually searching for someone to fix them, and when their inner faults are not fixed, they will then punish people, as they only want their reality. They can only cope with the reality that they are good and everyone else is bad, where most people can see their own faults narcissistic people can not, and the toxic relationship is formed.
You have one partner that is hurting and will take everyone down to heal that hurt. Another who might have been hurting before and will definitely be hurting during the relationship that’s doing their best to heal the other person not realising it only harms themselves, both end up full of inner turmoil and self-harm, the narcissist in a negative way, yet blaming all others, you are doing your best to help, yet blaming yourself. It brings you more pain and discomfort.
And then I realised by helping you I was destroying me.
So even though you might know within yourself, it’s not healthy, why do you stay stuck?
Love bombing. The idealisation stage. Narcissists know how to hook people in. This is a manipulation tactic to feed you that false reality, making you believe and feel like the luckiest person alive, that you’re living out your dream. Then this confuses you when they stop acting this way, causing cognitive dissonance as your mind is trapped between reality’s and beliefs, also trauma bonding the dopamine released from the high and the cortisol from the stress of the lows.
Mirroring. When a narcissist mirrors, it’s done on a conscious level as they study their targets to purposefully reflect back what their target wants to hear, often accompanied by Future Faking. Some will stalk our social media. Others will ask friends and family about us. They are literally gathering data. As a narcissist lacks in their own authentic personality, they are testing yours. They want to build your hopes up, which creates the Trauma Bond. So when their mask slips and their envious face comes out in full force, they will then Project their negative qualities onto us, so we doubt ourselves, they downplay their toxic behaviour, and exaggerate things we haven’t even done to get us to conform to their demands and walk on Eggshells around them.
Mirroring is simply an Illusion as the narcissist sells us those dreams of what we want to hear, and once hooked, they begin to Devalue us in horrific ways. Still, as they’ve given us the hope of the illusion when they mirrored us in the idealisation, we don’t see what’s truly happening and do our best to bring that person we first met back. Yet, while in that mirroring stage, the narcissist has also learned the things that matter to us the most, and they use these against us to provoke our Reactions or to hurt our feelings, so they can twist the story to blame it all on us, they use our own insecurities against us. Then they Project, narcissists projection is a mix of their manipulative Gaslighting and their manipulative Blame-shifting as they go all out distracting you from the truth, as they do their best to cover the truth with distorted lies, as they hide the truth of their toxic, hurtful, negative behaviour from you. At the same time, they get you to doubt and blame yourself and take on the responsibility of the narcissist’s actions, they get you to defend yourself to them for how you think of feel due to their hurtful ways, so they escape accountability, so they remain in control, and so they get away with their actions time and time again, while slowly sinking you under their trance.
Future faking. The narcissist future faking is where the narcissist will use the future to get their needs met in the present by getting us to focus on the future promise that they will not deliver to gaslight us by selling us an illusion of something that was never meant to be.
Future faking is to hide things from us to distract us from the reality of what’s genuinely happening. They will promise something, and then when they don’t deliver on that thing, if we question them about it, it’ll be a case of. ” I’m sorry if only you.” to blame you for things that you possibly didn’t even do. Future faking is to sell you that hope that if only you did something, they would do something for you, to make you feel gratitude, so if they promise you something, then don’t deliver. You asked them if they will come up with something they have done, or they will gaslight you into believing they did something they didn’t. They will say. ”what about when I.”
Gratitude. We all know people make mistakes, and when you’ve seen how good they can act, you make excuses for bad behaviour as no one is perfect. Their gaslighting of events helps keep you in a trance. If they provoke and you react, then you’ve got reactive abuse, which the narcissist will blow way out of proportion as to why everything is your fault, yet with projection and blame-shifting. They will play down the part they played or any wrongdoing on their part. You can always find evidence of when they are a good person, again causing that inner conflict within your own mind, finding ways to make excuses for the bad and focus in on the good. They will do their best to make you feel grateful when they have done something for you. Yet make you feel bad if you don’t do something for them.
Empathy. You have high levels of understanding within you, do your best to relate to how others feel and help them best you can try to heal them, help them and give way too much of yourself. You have compassion and understanding and want to help people through their pain. Unfortunately, you’ll give and give and give, and all the narcissist will do is keep taking.
Cognitive dissonance, as they play on and exaggerate all their good qualities, refuse to accept responsibility, and they will play down all their bad, gaslighting you with. “It wasn’t that bad. That never happened. If only you’d. You’re crazy.” your inner conflict with your own mind causes devastating emotional turmoil.
Repetition compulsion, performing the same acts of behaviour and never getting different results. If you’ve had one toxic relationship and didn’t heal, you might try to fix the past in your present, and you can carry the trauma from one relationship into another. Narcissistic people prey on those who’ve had past traumas.
Guilt, the guilt of walking away, guilt of not trying, then the guilt of splitting up the family, guilt of the past.
Fear, the fear of the unknown, fear of reactions, fear of what others would think, fear of loss.
Trauma bonding, the highs and lows of the relationship, cause trauma bonding from the high dopamine levels to the cortisol. You are basically on a natural drug fix within yourself.
Financial abuse, the abuser will find ways to control your money, either by being the breadwinner and controlling how much you have or being a leech and draining your finances. They can guilt you into giving them money or guilt you into not wanting to ask for more.
Pride and ego, often when you’ve been isolated, especially if those people tried to warn or help you, your pride doesn’t want to let you reach out to them, fear they might reject you, fear no one would believe you.
You have to protect yourself and heal once you realise you’re in the never-ending cycle of a toxic relationship. The best way to do this is to get out safely.
It’s incredibly hard to leave. Once out, you’ll be wiser and stronger. Working on you and who you want to be, releasing guilt, pain, fear, working through the past to leave it in the past.
It takes, on average, seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship. Some manage less, some it takes more.
People stay because a narcissist gaslights, manipulates, exploits and coercively controls them into not seeing what’s happening to them while causing self-doubt and confusion, isolated from support.
Keep working on who am I? keep building new dreams, keeping working on your beliefs and your boundaries, your hobbies.
Make sure you eat well and sleep well. Try getting some exercise.
Remember, it’s baby steps all the way. You’re allowed a couple back. Just keep going, you can, and you will recover.
How narcissists distract.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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Why the narcissist always thinks they are right.
8 thoughts on “What Keeps People Trapped In Narcissistic Relationships.”
I not believed by Mental health as he was X Intel employee X Army posing as IT consultant with so called Data Protection so also hacked my medical records so much fraud if I not has severe Epilepsy all my life & then I had a brain infection Encephalitis creating timeline Bevirs took my case on knowing this, I not believed I a single Mother on property ladder in Surrey with 2 piteful mortgages I have evidence my criminal solicitor abruptly retired announced day after 2 day court case of Litigation Mortgage fraud lost 10 yrs credit card statements lost ID fraud with conveyencer fraud found by my criminal solicitor Fred Tucker failed to evidence anything he had mortgage arrears of 2 1/2 yrs only been a property owner 4 yrs not 6 yr he lied about, case confusing tan out of money after I paid 4 barristers 2 solicitors for 4 yrs I lost my job through ill health, spitting in my face calling me a cripple fuck off’ all he said illegal mortgages I know he got to my 65 yr old criminal solicitor Fred Tucker was semi retired a legal requirement for senior partner to oversee case not to request £1,000 towards my appeal awarded by criminal judge then 48 hrs later given to relief barrister met 1 hour before case heard in court why can’t I get help I used a library buddy to put it on plastic as I do not carry same bag everywhere Mental health a bag of pill’s he out there doing marriage kids timelines with conveyencer fraud and broker fraud found by my criminal solicitor police did nothing letters via my criminal solicitor ignored by police CID chief Commissioner of Berkshire heaven help next victim my daughter grandchildren are 6 miles away from him 3 miles from broker who got her personal information Bibby took my daughter for a quote on his flat on market 7 1/2 yrs promised to pay me back what he stroked my neck for over 4 weeks to his 2 HSBC accounts £128,166 life insurance that was never mortgage linked broker lied worth £128,500 he needed me. Under CCTV over a year refuge your Santuary’sent by Clair Easterbrook of wealden council to homeless hostel with drunks drug addicts off the street been stalked 3 yrs since court even while in refuge homeless hostel help me I’m afraid everyday I was a trained nurse in special needs & Mental health I did respite care for free no job for 6 months yet I am a software manager 5 days after I moved in earning 49,500. + 15k commission on so called investment property choked with Bibby debts my Surrey home choked up by Conveyancer Corrina Denness £62,000 I am software manager for his hacking company Hungerford Computer services all in subject access file but I don’t carry same bag everywhere Mental health psychrist ! Give your pills to psycho baby Bibby my cash customers cousins of queen I work for cash nothing traceable he says as off to pub drink poison is poison ! I’m not jealous scared I have no ID today he still using it sue to legal errors cover up by law ! I exist out of suitcase today I want no fixed abode apparentlyI don’t exist anywhere according to PPI he got me registered at Ben’s garage 8 Smithembridge rd Hungerford Bibby rented office off Neil Benson owner of the garage also registered as living at his flat when I had house garden German shepherd dog she should bit his balls instead night before she was put down he got sexually aroused said so you want to have sex no you make me sick ! Spent last night with my dog he thought I was asleep wanking all I could hear ! Why do males get first on mortgage I could paid cash for I use damp council dump as storage ! I want no fixed abode unable to have family friends to a council dump no furniture no cutlery nothing ! Sex controlling his terms once a month Saturday morning after he had skinful at pub ! With stolen money I wanked him with my left hand got out by court order went my way shame Mental health think it was me that why he a charismatic psychopath far to clever for law & Mental health I have all evidence on plastic now !
Help me please I want to go home I’m scared to visit my 80 yr old parents if he found out he may hurt them no one believes me I am terrified every day so I walk streets alone disabled now on walking stick I have no chance against X Army did boxing in Army !
Hi, do you have any refuges, women’s aids nearby? Have you contacted the police?
I been in refuge your Santuary’due to severe Epilepsy I have IDfraud conveyancer fraud broker fraud multi cloned bank credit card by Philip Antony Bibby posing as IT consultant with so called Data Protection I can not do PC no pc knowledge I had a home in Surrey with a piteful mortgage now on plastic now with help from a library buddy have all his mental debts choked on 2 properties all his debts linked to my phone had appallng legal support found ID fraud by. My semiretired criminal solicitor down as Software manager for his hacking company 5 days after I moved in criminal solicitor Fred Tucker found so much fraud over 1.5 million now my medical records hacked again he X Intel employee X Army had 2 1/2 yrs mortgage arrears Conveyancer Corrina Denness choked my Surrey home with Bibby debts of £62,000 & so called investment property choked £140,000 2 weeks after I moved in deeds were signed in house 4 weeks after I moved called a Trapping case by my solicitor who abruptly retired I no home under CCTV over a year stalked 3 yrs since court been warned off by police woman while in a homeless hostel with drunks drug addicts not in my handwriting I need help I no furniture no family possessions no family around with my medical records hacked car taken away Mental health trained nurse & special needs needs all cloned first time he visited my Surrey home. No one helping me except a bag of pill’s I needto get home I need my family safe vendettas against my family are terrifing 07856317588 help me please in damp draughty council dump had a brain infection Encephalitis creating timeline Bevirs solicitors took my case on knowing this I paid 4 barristers 2 solicitors for 4 yrs with a draft statement with relief barrister met 1 hour before case I know he got to my legal support he not working alone as my criminal solicitor letters state my brother and mother were there say that he was got out by court order criminal judge asked this question in court no one said anything I requestedvideo link got no court support being stalked by Philip Antony Bibby hacker of Hungerford violent dangerous alcoholic behind 4 walls
Police CID chief Commissioner of Berkshire all had letters via my criminal solicitor Fred Tucker did nothing he still using my ID today and I was never registered atso called investment property I was registered as living at Ben’s garage 8 Smithembridge rd Hungerford Bibby rented office off Neil Benson owner of the garage 2 houses choked up in his Mentallyill debts, he got me registeredat his flat today my criminal solicitor Fred Tucker abruptly retired case was a litigationMortgage fraud with a criminal judge draft statement with relief barrister met 1 hour before case I paidfor 4 barrister 2 solicitors for 4 yrs run out of money now yet in writing domesticabuse & Conveyancer fraud by corrina Denness choked my Surrey home with Bibby debts of £62,000 2 weeks after I moved in help me my family Daughtergrandchildren are back there 6 miles away from bibby 3 miles from broker who forgedwage slips for me and Bibby he got my daughter personal information Bibby took herfor a quote on his flat on market 7 1/2 yrs told him a waste of time she not been working in Berkshire had some agent only low wage it’s a hold over me and her he is a characteristicpsychopath Philip Antony Bibby hacker of Hungerford posingas IT consultant he onto a new victim now he madly in love with her Psychopath can not love ! Help. Her please
07856317588 had severe Epilepsy all my life Bevirs solicitors Swindon failed to evidence anything he had mortgage arrears of 2 1/2 yrs so yes Conveyancerfraud.
Where do I get help to get my ID back with conveyencer fraud and broker fraud found by my criminal solicitor Fred Tucker who hit a brick wall with pc Mark Sinclair 3672 & CID DC K White 5751 & chief Commissioner of Berkshire all had letters via my criminal solicitor Fred Tucker didnothing. Help me I want to go home I had Epilepsy all my life I unfortunately got sick lost my. Job through my illness brain infection Encephalitis creating timeline Bevirs solicitors Swindon Wiltshire took my case on I. Went to court on original draft statement with relief barrister met 1 hour before case heard in court help. Help help he been stalking me 3 yrs since court I want my life back this was a gaslighting case
Hello Amanda. Can you get back home? Are you free from him now?
Been stalked 3 yrs since court over 1.5 million pounds of fraud my criminal solicitor Fred Tucker found conveyencer fraud and broker fraud multi cloned bank credit card from the day he visited my Surrey home now, 2, houses gone but the hold.
Against my family knowing where they live broker has my daughter personal information after psycho Bibby took her for a quote on his flat on market 7 1/2 yrs still in agent safe today he owed advertising fees bibby back at flat now hold over people gas leak in his flat refused to fix it I sold his watch I bought it early on & a v for verity necklace as as it was given got his costs my medical records hacked again I can never get home now. Help I need him dead