Stop missing the narcissist, break that trauma bond, and enjoy life again.
This takes time and work from you. It’ll not happen overnight. It will happen, so keep going, you will get to a happy life again.
Every step you take forward is one more step further to realising them from your mind. It doesn’t matter if you take a couple back; whenever this happens, stop and look at how far you’ve come.
“When you’re having a good day, then narcissists happen; it’s to remind you how much better life is without them.”
Start with, no contact or limited contact and grey rock with the narcissist.
Stepping out by yourself again and finding new hobbies you love, or even starting old hobbies you left behind because of the narcissist, you are now free to the things you love and enjoy for yourself.
Most need to educate themselves on the narcissist personality disorder, especially as the narcissist may come back for the hoover.
Keep working on yourself. Stay with the reality of who they really are, and you will be fine.
Sometimes you miss the person they pretend to be and not the person they turned out to be.
You need an anchor to keep you in the real world, as narcissists are great at manipulating you.
Writing down everything that genuinely happened and talk with people who have been through similar, to bring you back to reality every time you doubt yourself, as the narcissist has reprogrammed your mind over time, it takes time to reprogram it back to reality and to stop hearing their voice.
Looking back at those notes when you do doubt yourself, especially when they come back with the big false apology.
Shift your attention every time you think of them, knowing why you needed to get out any why you need to stay out, then change your thoughts either by dreaming new dreams and putting steps into place and doing those steps to reach your new goals and dreams or by bringing your focus to the here and now of what you’re actually doing, focusing on the present day. You can now achieve your goals without the narcissist belittling them or putting you down. Remember, you’re rebuilding your self-esteem, and those narcissistic people just enjoy destroying it.
Pay close attention to your thoughts; you can not erase them; you can change them. So “I’ll never get over it.” It needs to be. “I’m working on ways to get over it.” and soon, that new thought will naturally be there in your mind.
As you progress, step it up to. “I will get over it.” Then as you think less and less and you are just doing it. “I am over it.”
You have to pay close attention to how you talk to yourself, and you have to talk to yourself positively.
Begin a new fantastic life for yourself, start each day telling yourself where you want to be, try new activities, if you’re going to move home to take steps to move if you’re going to study go and study, you want a job or a new job, then make yourself achieve it any way you can and make your new dreams a reality. If you don’t want to move and live in the same home you lived with the narcissist, get yourself busy and start decorating, make it new, fresh and yours again.
It will be hard to trust others at first; start by learning to trust yourself again and start listening to your instinct.
Keep trying new things, start new routines, start fresh beginnings.
Get to know new people first, friends or potential partners, before you involve your emotions.
Create and be exactly who you want to be for yourself. It gets easier, and the pain leaves; you can do it, and you will.
The trauma bond.
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The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
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To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
All about the narcissist Online course.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Detaching your thoughts.
More on the trauma bond.