Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
There are lots of words out there describing, different narcissistic personality types, so here’s a quick summary.
Narcissistic people enjoy playing chess with peoples emotions and lives, some you can limit contact and disarm them, by knowing yourself that well, their negativity no longer impacts your emotional or physical health, others are extremely dangerous, so no contact and always stay safe.
A narcissist wants your attention, any attention, they prefer positive, yet they will take negative if they believe they are not getting their own way. They are happy to be loved or to be feared when it comes to narcissistic people; their worst fear is to be ignored.
The narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, they all have the same tactics, yet they are individuals, so which they use depends on them, some will go for the silent treatment more than others, some will play victim more than others, they all gaslight and manipulate, they will cross over what manipulation they use, depending on who they are using them on.
Some are extremely intelligent, and others are not so much. Some play victim most of the time others not so much, some have stunning looks, some not so much, they are all individuals, yet the exes, their adult children, their parents all have the same story’s to tell, it’s almost like a narcissist works from the same book, and with the traits they have, they do.
Not everyone who is intelligent or not so much, etc., is a narcissist, they do have to have the traits to go with it.
Some are extremely dangerous, and others are not. All are mentally abusive to those around them. Some use physical violence in abundance, some will not, and some will pull hair, spit in your face or slap you, others will not resort to physical violence, some will damage possessions others will not.
The narcissistic personality disorder is a disorder, and they do need to have at least five traits to have the disorder, these are.
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerating achievements and talents.
2. Preoccupied with ultimate success. Lives in a fantasy world of power, control, dominance, brilliance.
3. Superiority. Believing they are special and above all others.
4. Entitled. Feels entitled to have all their own needs met, demanding, manipulative and controlling.
5. Excessive admiration. A constant need for excessive admiration.
6. Exploits others. Takes advantage and manipulates others to get their own needs met.
7. Lack of empathy. Can not truly connect with how others are feeling.
8. Envious and jealous. Hate people who have something they want, also believing others are envious of them.
9. Arrogant. An exaggerated sense of their own abilities and behaviours.
Types Of Narcissists.
There are three types of narcissists and four subtypes.
The three types.
1. Classic the grandiose, they know everything, it’s their way or the high way, these are the ones you are most likely to read about, self-centred, arrogant, full of charm, often having lots of supporters around them.
2. Malignant, the most pathological and, hurtful of all narcissists, they have no sense of their inner worth, meaning they are full of rage and extremely vindictive, they are extremely dangerous and will stop at nothing to harm others, they are extremely unstable and often unstoppable, they will encourage others to fight on their behalf, they are extremely impulsive, they have no empathy or guilt, taking lots of rash hurtful actions towards others, they have an excessive rage within themselves. They have the ability to change reality for millions of people, their crazy internal reality, makes those around them believe that crazy reality, in the millions if allowed to do so. They have no limits, and there is nothing they will not do to serve themselves.
3. The vulnerable narcissist, tend to be more emotionally sensitive to criticism than other narcissists, have a low self-esteem and can be depressed, someone who’s been abused by a narcissist can come across as a vulnerable narcissist, from learned behaviour to protect themselves, when they are actually struggling with CPTSD, and vulnerable narcissists often get misdiagnosed with BPD. Those with BPD or CPTSD can get misdiagnosed as a narcissist.
The classic grandiose narcissist will most often be overt as they believe they are special and the world around them often agrees, the victim will most often be covert as they think they are special and don’t understand why the world around them doesn’t agree, malignant can be either, and all three can use overt or covert methods depending on their needs.
1. Introverted or Covert, is harder to identify, they are very fragile, very ashamed people, extremely sensitive to setbacks and criticism, they are very woe is me, and they’ve suffered more than anybody else, extraordinarily envious and jealous not understanding why others get stuff they do not. They can be passive-aggressive, and they can be very antisocial. They will continually nag if they work, they often change jobs fast, they get bored very quickly, they are extremely lazy.
2. Extroverted or Overts, believe they have a right to everything and anything. Arrogant, self-centred, no empathy, believing they are special and above everyone else, they are better than all those around them. No respect, stubborn and self-centred.
3. Somatic, parade their body and looks and brag about their physical selves. Brags about their sexual conquests. They exploit their body’s to gain the attention of others that they crave so badly.
4. Cerebral narcissist pretends to know it all, and they use all their knowledge, real or fake intellect. The maintenance of their body is a chore they can not be bothered with, so they use real of fake intelligence to get the attention they crave from those around them.
Other potential types of researchers are looking into.
Communal, they seem to sacrifice themselves for others, very community-oriented, coming across as good people, they can winge and whine, they need praise for all that they do, they are passive-aggressive, controls you by giving you things, will happily trip you up, so they can claim they picked you back up. They seem on the outside to work so hard and do so much for others, yet their true behaviour is textbook narcissism. They are a backhanded do-gooder, may appear to listen and help others, they are actually helping themselves. They will always let you know which charity they’ve been to, how many people they’ve helped, etc., they are after the attention and praise.
Inverted, vulnerable, covert narcissist.
Some researchers have identified a special type of covert, vulnerable narcissist called an inverted narcissist. These narcissists are thought to be codependent. They seek to attach themselves to other narcissists to feel special, and are only satisfied or happy when they are in relationships with other narcissists. They are victim-narcissists who suffer from childhood abandonment issues.
If the narcissists do love it’s only themselves, if they are with the same sex or opposite sex, in an intimate relationship, they prefer meeting their own needs and housing the other person, the other person is just an extension of themselves to fill a void that they can not do for themselves.
They can either be.
On the lower end of the spectrum, who don’t seem to have much going for them, yet still, draw people in, these can be violent as they don’t have much control over their anger.
The middle of the spectrum, often using the silent treatment and, pity plays to win people over.
The upper end, more malignant or narcissist sociopath, usually know what they are, don’t care what they are and often more calculating and cunning in all that they do.
You can not help a narcissist, and they can not help themselves, you’ve probably tried countless times, just losing yourself more each time. You did not cause it, you can not change it, and you can not control it, most are like ticking time bombs waiting to go off at any moment for any reason, why we walk on eggshells around them, like walking through a landmine, one foot out of place and they blow, always keep yourself safe, with some you can learn how to handle yourself around them, yet this would still need to be limited contact. Walk free and surround yourself with positive people.
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The malignant narcissist.
The vulnerable female narcissist.
The somatic narcissist.
The covert narcissist.