For someone to be on the spectrum of the narcissist personality disorder, people would need at least five of the nine characteristics—one of those being A belief they are special, often setting goals based on seeking attention from those they require attention from, meeting a need of their own.
The others are:-
- A sense of entitlement.
- Lack of empathy.
- Preoccupation with their ideal.
- Requires excessive attention.
Signs of the narcissist’s belief they are special.
- Expects praise and recognition if they do something.
- Expects people to be eternally grateful.
- Believes they’re entitled to special treatment or attention.
- Has no problem telling outright lies, often believing their own lies.
- Talks about themselves.
- Know it all.
- Their thoughts, feelings, opinions are fact. Anyone who disagrees is wrong.
- Double standards, they should have privacy, you shouldn’t.
- If they achieve, it’s down to hard work. If others achieve, it’s down to luck or thanks to them.
- Have things their own way, stubborn.
- Humiliate others if they lose, gloat if they win.
- Puts others down to feel better about themselves.
- Exaggerates achievements.
- Entitled to have things their way.
- Lack of respect for rules and boundaries.
With a narcissist, they are the prime example of a self-entitled hypocrite. Yes, we can all be hypocritical at times. With a narcissist, it’s a repeat pattern of behaviour as they often don’t see a problem within their own behaviour. They just shift the blame onto those around them.
It’s a case of one rule for them and another for you. They shouldn’t be punished if they break the rules; however, you should.
If they do something for another, they expect eternal gratitude. However, if you do something for them, it’s quickly forgotten as they expect more.
They expect to receive attention, affection and support as and when they require and how they require your job is to work out how much and at what time. However, they withhold attention, affection and support to neglect others and use it in a way to control those around them.
They’ll happily lie to cover their tracks, and they will deny those lies even when faced with facts and evidence. They’ll just pass the blame and shame onto someone else. To a narcissist, anything wrong in their life is always someone else’s fault.
They are incredibly stubborn if they don’t get their own way, often throwing childlike tantrums and those passive-aggressive behaviours such as the incredible sulk and those silent treatments. However, if you like something, they come at you with. ” it’s all about you, isn’t it.” Or “it’s not all about you.” Words to that effect, so we end up questioning our intent and not theirs.
They’re allowed to be sad, hurt, in pain and will play the victim on the things they’ve done to you. They’re allowed to be jealous of you. It means they care. If your sad, hurt or in pain. If they flirt in front of you and you question them, it’s a case of “don’t be so insecure.” “Don’t be so sensitive.” Or “stop overreacting.” Whatever you’re going through, they’ve always been through worse.
They are unpleasantly proud of their achievements. They will boast and gloat, making the conversation all about them. They are incredibly envious of others achievements, and they will scoff, humiliate, criticise and pull others down to feel better about themselves.
They have a lack of respect, little loyalty, only loyal to themselves and their need of someone, lack of morals, and no thought for others boundaries, only getting their needs met. However, they expect others to be loyal to them, respect their feelings and respect their boundaries.
Whatever you do for a narcissist, it’s never enough. They always want more. No matter how many times you forgive, their behaviour just gets worse.
You can, and you will recover from this. Being aware is the first step to understanding and healing from their emotional abuse of you.
Red flags of narcissism.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.