Are you finding it so hard to leave?
To not go back?
To stay out?
To not reach out and contact them?
To do grey rock?
To stay no contact?
Your mind is designed to try and stop you from doing the things that will hurt you.
You have some amazing ideas of what you’d like to do, what you’d like to get on with, what you will achieve, today, tomorrow, next week, next month, this time next year, and you may think you’re just missing motivation.
Our brains are not designed to do things that they find uncomfortable, that it fears, finds hard or complicated, why your mind and body slowly go on shut down, and you end up with anxiety when in an abusive relationship. Yet, due to the trauma bond and fear, it’s incredibly hard to walk away, the fear of the unknown and the difficult choices you have to make, although, in the long run, they are for the best, your minds not seeing that end goal, making you believe life will be easier to stay. It is incredibly hard to get out and even hard to stay out.
Sometimes doing what seems easy makes our life much harder, and doing what feels incredibly hard make our life much easier.
Your brains trying to give you the easiest option. Your body will have gone into the fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode while in a narcissistic relationship to protect you, most often opting for the fawn mode.
To have a good and happy life, you’re going to have to step out into the unknown, to do scary things, or find it challenging to do.
You can not control the events that have happened to you. You can, however, choose what you want to focus on. We can choose what those events mean, and we can choose what we do. Those three choices are what control our lives.
Staying in an abusive relationship is a decision, often made subconscious. Leaving is often a conscious￼ decision once we realise what’s happening to us. That choice in leaving is the first step towards a much happier life￼￼. Is it going to be easy to get out? No, will it be worth it? Yes. Is it simple? Yes.
But it’s your job to push yourself if you are indecisive because something is going to be hard, it means you can either stay stuck in a situation that’s hurting you, or you can make that hard move, to get out and open new doors in your life, new beginnings, new opportunities, set a goal and then make a conscious effort to achieve it, to commit to it.
You’ve got a few seconds between that idea of leaving, then talking yourself out of it. You need to take action on that idea no matter how hard, and you need to find a way out.
If your life isn’t what you thought it would be, you need to create new thoughts, and if you don’t like who you are right now, you need to change to become who you want to be.
You have already decided you’re in an unhappy, abusive relationship, and now you need to take action, then commit to that action, and then do it, women’s aid, men’s aid, if you need extra help in getting out, you need to start taking steps to get to safety.
What makes you comfortable can ruin you. What makes you uncomfortable can make you.
You need to get all those steps in pace and find a safe route out.
Your life is your decision. If you’re in an abusive relationship, you need to make the decision to safely get out. Then you need to make the decision to stay out.
Don’t worry about your ego, don’t worry about others that don’t know judging you, join support groups, there are lots of people who understand what you’re going through during the relationship, leaving the relationship, or the narcissist leaving you and recovering afterwards.
If you’re thinking of leaving, or only just out, others have found the solutions and moved forward to a happier life, and others will help you achieve that too.
Time to take ownership and control back of your life and your future.
Turn those thoughts about thinking of leaving into action.
If you’re out, Turn those thoughts and dreams of your new happy future into a reality. Dream about what you’d like your future to be, then action that future.
If you are out, the thoughts about no contact or grey rock can be incredibly hard to achieve. Once you accomplish these, you’ll never look back. Life will become so much more peaceful. You need to take action on that no contact or grey rock. You need to take control of your emotions around the narcissist. Then you need to action that control.
Something new, something different, is incredibly hard. You’re allowed slip-ups. We all make them, just go again and keep going until you achieve it, you can, and you will.
Making those hard choices are not easy, and it can be a bumpy road. In the end, your life will be happier,
The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum. Even if they’re not narcissistic, if they are abusive, you need to get out, if your Out, you need to stay out, get the support you need, only you know the true amount of things they have done to you, I wouldn’t recommend telling any abuser face to face that you are leaving, some do have to move away, some have to get protection, restraining, non-molestation orders, others don’t, women’s aid, men’s aid can help.
Keep going, stay strong, and your life will become so much brighter.
Click the links below to join, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach on social media, for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
For the free course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
All about the narcissist Online course.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach. She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Help with leaving.