Overcoming narcissistic abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw.
Why are you finding it so hard to leave?
To not go back?
To stay out?
To not reach out and contact?
To do grey rock?
to stay no contact?
Your mind is designed to try and stop you doing the things that will hurt you.
You have some amazing ideas of what you’d like to do, what you’d like to get on with, what you will achieve, today, tomorrow, next week, next month, this time next year, and you may think you’re just missing motivation.
Our brains are not designed to do things, that they find uncomfortable, that it fears, finds hard or difficult, why your mind and body slowly goes on shut down and you end up with anxiety when in an abusive relationship, yet due to the trauma bond, it’s incredibly hard to walk away, the fear of the unknown and the difficult choices you have to make, although, in the long run, they are for the best, your minds not seeing that end goal, making you believe life will be easier to stay. It is incredibly hard to get out, and even harder to stay out.
Your brains trying to give you the easiest option, your body will have gone into the fight, flight, freeze or fawn mode, whilst in a narcissistic relationship to protect you, most often opting for the fawn mode.
In order to have a good, and happy life, you’re going to have to step out into the unknown, to do things that are scary, or difficult to do.
You can not control the events that have happened to you, you can, however, choose what you want to focus on. We can choose what they mean, and we can choose what we do. Those three choices are what control our life’s.
Staying in an abusive relationship is a decision, is it going to be easy to get out? No, will it be worth it? Yes. Is it simple? Yes.
But it’s your job to push yourself, if your being indecisive, because something is going to be hard, it means you can either stay stuck in a situation that’s hurting you, or you can make that hard move, to get out and open new doors in your life, new beginnings, new opportunities, set a goal and then make a conscious effort to achieve it, to commit to it.
You’ve got a few seconds between that idea of leaving, then talking yourself out of it. You need to take action on that idea no matter how hard, and you need to find a way out.
If your life isn’t what you thought it would be, you need to create new thoughts, if you don’t like who you are right now, you need to change, to become who you want to be.
You have already decided you’re in an unhappy, abusive relationship, now you need to take action, then commit to that action, and then do it, women aid if you need extra help in getting out, you need to start taking the steps to get to safety.
What makes you comfortable can ruin you, what makes you uncomfortable can make you.
You need to get all those steps in pace and find a safe route out.
Your life is your decision, if you’re in an abusive relationship you need to make the decision to get out, then you need to make the decision to stay out.
Don’t worry about your ego, don’t worry about others that don’t know judging you, join support groups, there are lots of people who understand what you’re going through, during the relationship, leaving the relationship, or the narcissist leaving you and recovering afterwards.
If you’re thinking of leaving, or only just out. Others have found the solutions and moved forward to a happier life, others will help you achieve that too.
Time to take ownership and control back of your life and your future.
Turn those thoughts about thinking of leaving into action.
If your out, Turn those thoughts and dreams of your new happy future into a reality. Dream about what you’d like your future to be, then action that future.
If your out, the thoughts about no contact or grey rock, can be incredibly hard to achieve, once you achieve these you’ll never look back, life will become so much more peaceful, you need to take action on that no contact or grey rock, you need to take control of your emotions around the narcissist, then you need to action that control.
Something new, something different, is incredibly hard, you’re allowed slip-ups we all make them, just go again and keep going until you achieve it, you can and you will.
Doing those hard choices are not easy, and it can be a bumpy road, in the end, your life will be happier,
Narcissistic personality disorder is on a spectrum, even if they’re not narcissistic, if they are abusive, you need to get out, if your Out you need to stay out, get the support you need, only you know the true amount of things they have done to you, I wouldn’t recommend telling any abuser face to face that you are leaving, some do have to move away, some have to get protection, restraining, non molestation orders, others don’t, women’s aid can help.
Keep going stay strong, your life will become so much brighter.