A narcissist gets into your head and plays mind games, with you unaware of what is happening as they manipulate your subconscious. To a narcissist, everything is a game, even when they are so full of charm when we often mistake their arrogance as confidence, and most of us fall for a narcissist superficial charm.
Narcissists feel entitled to exploit others to feel better about themselves. Narcissists are envious of others and believe others are envious of them. Their self-worth is dependant on seeking excessive admiration, gaining that attention and controlling those around them.
Narcissists devalue those around them to raise themselves up. They put thoughts into our minds that we are not good enough, not worthy, not loveable. Narcissists are the self-entitled hypocrite. They want us to drop everything and serve them. However, they don’t want to help us. They blame-shift, so we believe it’s our fault the narcissists aren’t delivering on those false promises they once made. We work harder to please them, not realising we’re being brainwashed into losing ourselves to the narcissists coercive controlling behaviour.
If you’ve been around narcissists for a long time, your conditioning makes you more susceptible to abuse from other narcissistic people.
They drain our energy, our finances, our hopes, our dreams, our health and our wealth. They destroy us in any way they can. They will find any and all insecurities, and they will rip them wide open one by one, then stand back and blame us for being over sensitive.
They leave us living in a constant state of stress, fear, anxiety, depression, worry, and so many more, believing we’re going crazy with little to no understanding as to why.
How do they manage such calculated manipulation of their targets?
1. Most often, narcissists will come into your life like a whirlwind. They love bomb. They idealise, they mirror all your likes, all your dislikes, you believe you’ve met your soulmate when you’ve actually met your soul destroyer. The person you met did exist within yourself. They, however, we’re selling you an illusion that makes it hard to see reality.
2. They will devalue you, invalidate everything about what you think and what you feel, put you down and insult you, then they will make out it was a joke, only they’re the only one laughing. They’ll claim you’re insecure or overacting, so we question our reactions and not their actions.
3. When confronted with their behaviour, they will play victim, blame shift, rage, provoke an argument, twist it into something completely different, the silent treatment you, triangulate you, anything they can, so they take back control, leaving us feeling crazy, to blame and doing all we can to make it right.
4. They will blame you for everything that goes wrong, and they take credit for all that goes right.
5. Sometimes they are incredibly nice, others extremely cruel, however when they are cruel, they will push you into reacting then blame you for their cruelty, so you never know where you stand with them.
6. Narcissists isolate you from as many friends and family as they can, so they have full control over you and your reality. Some make it impossible for you to work, taking your financial security, some take away all your hobbies.
7. They discard you with no closer to leaving you thinking about them.
9. Slowly but surely, narcissist break down each and every one of your boundaries, leaving you feeling worthless.
10. Some may even resort to giving you sleep deprivation, and pity plays to keep you up, some form of excuse to wake you up during the night, arguments, so you go to bed not being able to sleep, ruminating about how you could do things definitely, spiralling into further depression and believing the problem is all you.
They conditioned your subconscious never to feel good enough, never to feel loveable. Never to feel happy. Unless they want you to feel these things, they withhold attention, affection and support, then just as your at a breaking point, they’ll offer those intermittent reinforcements of play nice, To make you believe you are to blame. So even after the discard, you’re left devastated, then when it meets their need, they can swoop back in with the hoover to play the hero again, ready to take you down all over again.
You can retrain your subconscious, and you can recover.
1. Write down the things you are good at.
2. Write down the things you do enjoy.
3. Learning to say no to others.
4. Write down where you’d like to be next year at this time, then take steps to get there.
5. Become addicted to something positive, positively refill your human needs. Certainty, uncertainty, love and connection, significance, growth, contribution, starting new things provides uncertainty. Take baby steps. Creating new routines for you to fill certainty. Keep going and fill them all up.
6. Tell yourself constantly you are good enough, and you are worth it. You are loveable.
7. Work on your CPTSD, the trauma bond, your anxiety, baby steps.
8. Try to get enough sleep, at least enough rest to begin with.
9. Grieve, cry, release it, then let it go.
10. No contact, weaning yourself off them cold turkey or grey rock.
11. Meditation, Yoga, exercise.
12. If you have children with them, limited contact and routine. Work on improving your self-love, your self-worth, your positivity. Keep a diary of anything the children say, and let down from the narcissist, fill the children with positivity, if you can get them into activities, so they can discover who they are.
13. Write out the reality. Whenever in doubt, look at the abuse for what it indeed was.
14. Continue to grow, develop and create who you want to be.
Keep going, you can, and you will recover.
The two sides to narcissists games after no contact.
Twelve things narcissists do to distract you from the truth.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.