Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
The narcissist gets into your head and plays mind games with you to manipulate your subconscious. Everything is a game to them, even when they are playing nice and most of us fall for those moments when they are playing nice. The narcissists use others to fill their self-esteem as they cannot regulate it by themselves. Their self-worth is dependant on controlling those around them.
They put thoughts into their targets heads that we are not good enough, not worthy, Not loveable, they want their targets to drop everything and serve them, they blame shift so their targets believe it’s their own fault and they deserve the abuse.
If you’ve been around narcissists for a long time your conditioning make you more susceptible, to abuse from other narcissistic people.
They brainwash you, through silent treatment, gaslighting, projection, fear, insults, false apology’s, pity plays.
They will drain your energy, your finances, your hopes and your dreams. They will destroy you any way they can. They will find any and all insecurities and they will rip them wide open, then stand by and watch you bleed.
They leave you living in a constant state of stress, fear, anxiety, depression, worry and so many more.
How do they manage such calculated manipulation of their targets?
1. Most often they will come into your life like a whirlwind, they mirror all your likes all your dislikes, you believe you’ve met your soulmate when you’ve actually met your soul destroyer. The person you met did exist within yourself, they were you only they were all an act.
2. They will put you down and insult you often, then they will make out it was a joke, only they’re the only one laughing.
3. When confronted with their behaviour, they will play victim, blame shift, rage, provoke an argument, twist it into something completely different, silent treatment you, triangulate you, anything they can, so they take back control, leaving you feeling crazy, to blame and doing all you can to make it right.
4. They will blame you for everything and they take credit for all the good things.
5. Sometimes extremely nice, others extremely cruel so you never know where you stand with them.
6. Isolating you from as many friends and family as they can, so they have full control over you and your reality. Some make it impossible for you to work, taking your financial security, some take away all your hobbies.
7. Discard with no closer to leave you thinking about them.
8. Smear your name so you are unable to get the help and support you need.
9. Slowly but surely break down each and every one of your boundaries, leaving you feeling worthless.
10. Some may even resort to giving you sleep deprivation, pity plays to keep you up, some excuse to wake you up during the night, arguments so you go to bed not being able to sleep.
They conditioned your subconscious to never feel good enough, never feel loveable. Never feel happy. To believing you are to blame. So even after the discard, you’re left devastated, then when it meets their need they can swoop back in to play the hero again, ready to take you down all over again.
You can retrain your subconscious, you can recover.
1. Write down the things you are good at.
2. Write down the things you do enjoy.
3. Learning to say no to others.
4. Write down where you’d like to be next year at this time, then take the steps to get there.
5. Become addicted to something positive, refill your human needs in a positive way. Certainty, uncertainty, love and connection, significance, growth, contribution, starting new things provides uncertainty, take baby steps. Starting new routines for you to fill certainty. Keep going and fill them all up.
6. Tell yourself constantly you are good enough, you are worth, you are loveable.
7. Work on your CPTSD, the trauma bond, your anxiety, baby steps.
8. Try to get enough sleep, at least enough rest to begin with.
9. Grieve, cry, release it then let it go.
10. No contact, weaning yourself off them cold turkey, or grey rock.
11. Meditation, Yoga, exercise.
12. If you have children with them, limited contact and routine. Work on improving your self-love, your self-worth, your positivity. Keep a diary of anything the children say, and let down from the narcissist, fill the children with positivity, if you can get them into activities, so they can discover who they are.
13. Write out the reality, whenever in doubt, look at the abuse for what it truly was.
14. Continue to grow, develop and create who you want to be.
Keep going, you can and you will recover.