Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
If you’ve had a narcissist in your life, be it a parent or a partner, most will have been left with anxiety.
This is because the narcissists have used all the manipulation tactics, from gaslighting, to the silent treatment, to keep your mind confused, slowly leaving you with anxiety symptoms, that over prolonged time letting your mind getting infected by the narcissist, your anxiety levels get worse.
This is because you end up with so many questions about what’s actually happening as the narcissist keeps rewriting life events on you. You begin to question your own decisions making around the narcissist, then around yourself and the outside world.
This causes lots of issues, when you’re under constant stress and pressure, it can lead to worsening anxiety and depression, you can then end up with sleep issues, too much or not enough, diet issues, eating too much or too little, you can then end up with health issues.
The longer you stay in this state the harder it becomes to see reality and what’s actually happening to you, as your physical health declines, and your mental health decline you often end up relying on the person that’s actually making you feel that way.
Just as you start to pick yourself back up, they go and pull you to pieces again with more gaslighting, infecting your mindset even more.
Then they swoop in to lift you back up, so you end up truly believing it is you, and they smear your name to those around you, of just how much they are doing to help you, when in reality they are the actual cause to all these problems, as you can not see it at the moment it becomes increasingly more difficult to see reality, it’s a never-ending cycle, until you can break it, then suddenly boom they are gone.
Have they simply drained all the goodness from you? Do they believe they are the hero that’s worked so hard to help you through the bad times? Do they even see what they’ve done to you?
This all depends on the narcissist and the narcissists own awareness, some have no idea and believe their own reality, some know exactly what they do to you.
As the rollercoaster of the relationship Is happening you don’t get the opportunity to see the situation as reality, this is why often they are seen as the hero and you’re left looking like the crazy one, also not wanting to reach out, through pride, through ego and through fear that no one will understand what’s actually happened to you.
Then if they do discard you, you’re left heartbroken and trying to work it all out, and suddenly they are back with all those false promises that you don’t see as false, your heart fills, and you take them back, that golden period is resumed.
Your instincts are screaming something at you, but you just don’t understand what, so you try again trying to deal with the issues and get the relationship back on track, as at the time the relationship could be so good. Yet even when things are going well again, you have anxiety due to an internal fear of dread.
When you finally do break free from the damaging relationship, you start to question if it is you, especially if they were never physically violent, you may dread going out, your self-care might be shot to pieces, you may have CPTSD and not understand the triggers at first for the anxiety, when that phone rings or a car pulls up that sounds like the narcissist, that anxiety kicks back in. When someone says something the narcissist used to say. I hated the word “lady.” For a long time, the ex-narcissist, often called me by this rather than my real name, freaked me out for a while after, if this is you, the triggers do stop once you start working on your recovery.
When you work out the cause and effect, you can learn to bring yourself back into reality. Talking to yourself rationally.
It’s extremely overwhelming, but you need to recognise and write down the events that lead to your anxiety kicking in, so you can understand the triggers.
When they are there doing things to you, that’s rational anxiety, they do these things to gain emotional responses from you, when they are not, that is irrational anxiety that you’ve been left with, and you can heal from.
It’s normal to respond with anxiety when triggered by a past event or situation, most people go through this after narcissistic abuse, recognising why it’s happening, helps you stop it from happening.
With the narcissist’s manipulation, they slowly send you into a trance, leaving you no longer recognising who you are, you can and you will recover, once you recognise those triggers and bring yourself back to reality. Once you understand it logically, start to deal with it emotionally, then reprogram your own mindset, to think how you want to think in the present moment, reprogramming your mindset, is hard and uncomfortable at first, in the middle it gets messy, with a few steps forwards and a few steps back, once you make it through the pain, your mind and you become happy again.
Surround yourself with positivity, people, films, anything positive that makes you smile, to help pick yourself back up. Listening to calming music, taking a walk in nature and soaking up the beauty, meditation, exercise, try to get enough rest.
You have to work on it for you, it is a process you have to go through if you want to move forward with a happier life.
Baby steps every day, remember Rome wasn’t built In a day, they were laying bricks every day.