Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse by, Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Narcissists and their flying monkeys.
The term flying monkeys comes from the movie. “ the wizard of oz.” when the witch sent out her flying monkeys to do her dirty work.
Flying monkeys are people who act as a third party on behalf of the narcissist, to further abuse the narcissist’s target.
Flying monkeys can be anyone, the narcissist’s parent, child, partner, friend yours or theirs, any family members.
Although the narcissists main partner gets most of the manipulation, and the narcissist gets the most positive and negative attention and reactions from their primary partner, they need others to gain the attention they believe that they deserve as they feel entitled, to manipulate, triangulate, use people as pawns and get others to do their dirty work, no one is exempt, from those things, be it partner, friends, family, children, parents, brothers, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, work colleagues, and acquaintances, even if these people and those around them don’t see it.
Most narcissists will have an army of supporters to help with them getting control over others. They want and expect everyone to look up to them, respect them, take on their views, they want to copy character traits from us and pass them onto others as their own, and they want people to back them up when needed, to counteract others truth about them and keep their lies going. Most people unwittingly become a flying monkey, either because they’ve been manipulated into believing the narcissists lies, or they have so much fear placed in them by the narcissist, they turn to the human defence mode fawn, meaning they will comply with the narcissist for great fear of what would happen to them if they did not.
The narcissist wants others to carry out orders. Flying monkeys will spread gossip, lie, threaten you, stalk you, often with the narcissist seemingly looking like they have nothing to do with it.
Those on the higher end of the spectrum will have plenty of people who speak highly of them, some on the lower end of the spectrum will have plenty who say they’re a wrong one, but don’t fully know why.
The narcissist wants to take control of your friends and family to switch to their side, as the narcissist turns on the charm to them, some might see straight through it, most will not. They want your friends and family turned against you and believing them. They need your friends and family to be on their side so when the inevitable, devaluation, discard and smear campaigns start against you, so you’ve got no one to turn to for support, and they all believe the narcissist and think you are the one lying, exaggerating or going crazy, making it harder for you to break free and easier for the narcissist to swoop back in and save you. With those around believing how wonderful they are, to not only put up with you but to still want to help you.
During the idolisation stage of the relationship, they find it easy to turn your friends against you. They might be your friends, and then they’ll be friends to both of you, then they’ll help the narcissist with the smear campaign, so you are not only left hurt from the narcissist, but you also hurt by your friends and family.
Please remember, most have just been manipulated, as you once have been.
The narcissist wants the world to know what a decent person they are, how loving, kind, supportive, caring and generous, they want the world to know their reality only, and that people will support them, they don’t want others knowing the truth, they are extremely convincing with their lies, as to most their lies are their truths, they rewrite history to suit the story they want to sell to those around them, where all others are to blame, and they are the innocent party. With their lack of cognitive reflection, once the narcissist has made their story, it’s their truth, often why they lie so convincingly, although most narcissists tell different people, different versions of events, and this is where they can often trip themselves up, as they are never wrong, or never admit to being wrong, they can think they told one person one thing, that they didn’t, and then the holes in the narcissists web of lies begin to unravel, why the best thing you can do is stay out of it, leave them in the past where they belong, and focus on your future.
Some are dangerous, so you need to call the authorities.
As the narcissist mirrors people, manipulates people, and takes the good qualities of people on as their own personality, people will often do what the narcissist wants and needs, they will do favours for them, a lift somewhere, lend money, pick something up for them. The narcissist will find out about as much information as they can from people about their target, and the narcissist might have done favours for the flying monkeys, idolisation of the flying monkeys, treating the flying monkeys so well, they believe the narcissist to be a good person, the narcissist, however always wanting something in return which is, to get them to do the narcissists dirty work, the narcissist might also have secrets on the flying monkeys, to manipulate them to conform, so people will do what the narcissist asks.
Flying monkeys will agree with the narcissist and disagree with you. They will triangulate people against each other. They will favour the narcissist.
The narcissist might even have someone that you know nothing about, to suddenly appear in your life after you’ve gone no contact to give the narcissist more information.
They might have turned one person who knew you initially against you, and that person will now fill the narcissist in, they are the ones who give the narcissist your new phone number, your address, any information. Anything you say to them, they’ll stick up for the narcissist with. “ why don’t you try this.” Or “ you don’t know how much they do for you.” Or “you must be mistaken.”
A narcissist will often have a new partner lined up. Be it one of your friends or neighbours to someone you don’t know, and they will smear you to them, they will get them to help with their smear campaign against you any way they can.
Nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs somewhere to live.
They will use siblings against each other, parents, work colleagues and friends, whoever the narcissist is in your life, they will have someone to go to, while they leave you in the cold.
- We had an amazing connection.
- They can change.
- It was my fault they acted that way.
- We could make it work this time.
- I’ll never find real love.
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