Why Does The Narcissist Start Acting Nice?

When the narcissist starts being nice, why does the narcissist suddenly act nice?

Usually, because they want something from you.

Sometimes during the relationship, they bring back the idealisation stage just so you don’t leave, or after you’ve left them, or they’ve discarded you, you slowly forget the amount of abuse and just how badly they can treat you, or you may still be blaming it all on yourself.

Most people hang onto the relationship or take them back, as when a narcissist is being nice, they can treat you better than anyone ever has.

The narcissist is an illusion. To cover up their true deep feelings, they act a certain way to protect themselves from their true feelings, why they are never accountable and blame others, so they don’t feel shame.

This is why some narcissists can look like the perfect partner or parent. They know their young children look up to them, hang on to every word they say, they know they can make excuses to others about the ex not allowing them to see the children when the narcissist cannot be bothered, they know they can then swoop in pick those children up, spoil them and have the children hooked on them, those children who fill them up and don’t threaten them, often the golden child, the narcissist will portray themselves to others as the picture-perfect parent. As children get older and more independent, they’ll use excuses like. “My children have no respect for me, and their other parent poisoned them against me.”

Narcissists are selfish, self-entitled, exploitative people who think the world revolves around them and are out to get their needs met. So when they return full of what seems like genuine apology’s, promise to change, those future fakes, it’s all false. They’ve just seen something they want from you.

When a narcissist feels threatened, they devalue others that are threatening them, instinctively or intentionally they don’t see their actions as wrong, so they will continue to do so, to help themselves feel better. When they feel criticised, they think the other person has turned against them, so they feel anger, rage, hurt and often want revenge on those who they feel have hurt them. Or if they think someone is untrustworthy and will reveal them for who they indeed are, they’ll start the smear campaign to get in first with how horrendous you treated them, so they can play the victim and get their needs met elsewhere.

When the narcissist’s needs are no longer being met elsewhere, if they see you have something to offer, they come back all nice trying to suck you back into their games, Purley, because they want something from you.

A narcissist can continually be nice to those people who the narcissist believes has never criticised them or threatened their illusion or those they can only rule through love.

Narcissists use other people’s genuine traits to pass off as their own. They act nice to fill their needs of getting something from someone. They act nasty, they pull others down to feel better about themselves, both sides are who they are, both sides are to manipulate to get their needs met.

Get out safely and stay out, narcissists only change to meet a need at that moment, and they only change depending on what they need and who they are with.

The two faces of a narcissist.

Can a narcissist change?

Intermittent reinforcement.

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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.

Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.


What narcissistic abuse does to you.

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