Overcoming Narcissistic abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
When the narcissist starts being nice.
Why does the narcissist suddenly act nice? They want something from you.
Sometimes during the relationship, they bring back the idolisation stage just so you don’t leave. After you’ve left them, or they’ve discarded you, you slowly forget the amount of abuse and just how badly they can treat you, or you may still be blaming it all on yourself.
Most people hang onto the relationship or take them back, as when a narcissist is being nice, they can treat you better than anyone ever has.
The narcissist is an illusion, to cover up their true deep feelings, they act a certain way to protect themselves from their true feelings, why they are never accountable and blame others, so they don’t feel shame.
This is why some narcissists can look like the perfect parent, they know their young children look up to them, hang on every word they say, they know they can make excuses to others about the ex not allowing them to see the children when the narcissist cannot be bothered, they know they can them swoop in pick those children up, spoil them and have the children hooked on them, those children who fill them up and don’t threaten them, often the golden child, the narcissist will portray themselves to others as the picture-perfect parent. As children get older and more independent, they’ll use excuses like. “My children have no respect for me, and their other parent poisoned them against me.”
So when they return full of what seems like genuine apology’s, promise to change, it’s all false, they’re just seen something they want from you.
When a narcissist feels threatened, they devalue others that are threatening them, and they don’t see their actions as wrong, so they will continue to do so, to help themselves feel better. When they feel criticised, they think the other person has turned against them, so they feel, anger, rage, hurt and often want revenge on those who they feel have hurt them. Or if they think someone is untrustworthy and will reveal them for who they indeed are, they’ll start the smear campaign to get in first with how horrendous you treated them, so they can play the victim and get their needs met elsewhere.
When those needs are no longer being met elsewhere, if they see you have something to offer, they come back all nice trying to suck you in again, Purley because they want something from you.
A narcissist can continually be nice to those people who never criticise them, or threaten their illusion.
They don’t know who they really are, and they use other people’s good traits to pass off as their own, they act nice to fill their needs of positivity, they act nasty to fill their needs of negative emotions from those who’ve criticised them.
Get out safely and stay out, they only change to meet a need at that moment, and they change continue depending on that need and who they are with.
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The smear campaign.
What narcissistic abuse does to you.