Overcoming Narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw-Life Coach.
Just how unbelievable is a narcissist, yet they are so believable in their false self, that fake mask they put on, as you and those around them believe they are good people, then when you work out just how unbelievable they truly are, you have the battle of showing others just how, fake, false and destructive they truly are, whilst you are left looking and feeling crazy, and for some of you who have lost everything. For other losing a lot, from hopes, dreams, relationship, possessions, sense of self, trust, self-esteem, self-love, physical and mental health problems.
The narcissist personality disorder is on a spectrum, so it varies from person to person how much damage they do, also how long it takes you to work it out. The narcissist unbelievable behaviour, stays twisting and turning through everything you go through with them, just to keep confusing you.
Narcissist steals your heart, pollutes your mind, takes your boundaries, your trust, your self-love and self-worth, takes your belongings, and so much more, some even manage to take the children.
One of the things that you have to get your head around, is just how unbelievable it all is.
It’s unbelievable at the time, it’s also unbelievable afterwards when you realise exactly who they are, and how they operate. During and after a narcissistic relationship you are left bewildered, confused, your emotions are all over from the highs and lows. CPTSD and trauma bond. I do have posts on these if you’d like to know more.
As you are now aware, they do this to keep their control over you, their unbelievable behaviour starts at the very beginning.
1. The golden period when you first meet them, when they are too good to be true, and perfect in every way, you’ve met your soulmate, who is loving, kind, thoughtful, and perfect in every way, they are amazing whilst they are love bombing you, you don’t let it go as it feels so amazing and you want more. They were simply mirroring you, you fell in love with yourself.
2. During Devaluation, it’s unbelievable that someone can change from being so loving and caring to someone so horrible and nasty, You then find it hard when they, change to someone you don’t know, you find it hard and unbelievable that someone who loves you so much could treat you the way they do. That first silent treatment, you think you’ve done something to cause it, and they’ll confirm this by telling you it was you. They manipulation they use is unbelievable.
3. During discard, it is unbelievable how they can just move on so fast, that the new person can not see what the narcissist is doing, that they can vanish on you like that, use you the way that they did, that the new person will not look at what you’re telling them, how the narcissist can just cast you and possibly your children to one side, even more, unbelievable if they try to take those children off you, unbelievable that they portray you to others as crazy, telling others all that they did to you, you actually did to them. Unbelievable that people believe them, unbelievable they can be so cruel, so heartless, unbelievable how they can treat you that way after all you did for them.
4. During the hoover. It’s unbelievable they can walk back into your life, like they did nothing wrong, twist it all around so you believe it was all your fault, unbelievable how much you want them back, how much you miss them so much, unbelievable that you can not let them go, you can not stop thinking about them, you can not stop caring about them, unbelievable after all they have done, that you still love and care for them and want to help them.
5. Afterwards you find it unbelievable how long you put up with their behaviour, without knowing what was happening, for some it’s weeks, months 10 years, 20 years or more, depending on the narcissist you had the unfortunate path in your life of meeting, you find it unbelievable who they are, you find it unbelievable how many are out there, how many have suffered the same fate at the hands of a narcissist, how they all have the same traits and manipulation techniques, it’s unbelievable how you never spotted the pattern they use in all that they do, it’s unbelievable how your story’s and feeling are the same as so many others, well believe it’s true, real vampires do exist, under the name of narcissist, what they are is true, what they did to you, those before, those after you, and those around you, is all true. It’s more unbelievable that they can not change, that they don’t see what they do as wrong, that as much as you tried, they can not be helped, we’ll you tried so start to believe that they can not be helped, they’ll never see it from someone else point of view, therefore as they don’t see themselves as the problem, they can not change.
It leaves you an empty shell, no longer knowing who you are, no longer knowing reality, full of emotions you don’t know what to do with, you are unable to move forward with your life without them. It’s even harder how those around you don’t always understand what’s happened, or those who had seen signs, don’t understand why you didn’t get out sooner, when you’re trying to work out what’s been happening in your life and those around you don’t understand, it makes a difficult journey to re-discover even harder.
There is plenty of people who understand, which is why we need more awareness, and to get the help, support and understanding to those who need it.
You will never get answers from your ex-narcissist if you want answers, only more lies and false apologises.
Don’t think about motives of why they do this until, You learn and really understand what the narcissist personality disorder is, so you know exactly what they are, what the do, so you can make sense of everything that’s happened to you.
You need to learn that narcissistic people have a different reality to others,
Find people who understand what’s happened, as those who’ve not experienced it first hand, will not understand it.
Know who you can trust, who want to help you.
Rebuild yourself, learn to listen to your instinct, if someone is too good to be true they usually are. We all have our faults.
Try and have evidence if needed for court or mediation. Keep messages, take photos etc
Accept some people will not see who they truly are, leave them with the narcissist.
Do not try to out them, unless you are fully recovered, you have evidence and you know that it will plant seeds of doubt in those around them who, they’ve also manipulated.
Read read and read some more until you truly believe exactly who they are, you know exactly what a narcissist is, whist recovering, learning about them will help you understand and recover.
You will heal and you will have a much happier life.