Intentional or instinctively a narcissist will devalue those close to them, they’ll gossip about those around them, they hold grudges against those who don’t do as the narcissist says, they are unwilling to give unless theirs something in it for them, they are oblivious to how their actions or words affect those around them, only how the consequences of their actions might affect themselves. If someone’s opinion doesn’t match the narcissists, as the narcissist is preoccupied with themselves, sees themselves, as above others, as narcissists are envious of others, they feel a need to pull others down in order to feel better about themselves and to remain in control. Due to their envy they don’t support others they destroy others, the humiliate people so the narcissist feels superior to others.
Through devaluation, a narcissist manipulates us into.
- Fee￼ling like we don’t fit in so they can Isolate us.
- Questions our emotions, so we no longer trust ourself.
- Doubting ourselves, by invalidating us.
- Blaming ourselves while they play the victim.
- To get us to justify all our decisions through them.
- To sabotage us.
- So we fear them.
- To play us off against others.
- To isolate us.
- To punish us.
- So we have no friends.
- To see, us fail.
- To control our finances.
- So we feel trapped.
The narcissist’s devaluation causes those feelings of shame within us, so we question our worth, we underestimate who we are as a person, we question our feelings, and our capabilities, often becoming more dependent on the narcissist as all the stress we are under causes many health problems, as well as different anxieties.
They devalue us without us even knowing by.
The narcissist’s silent treatment is an act carried out by the narcissist who refuses to communicate with someone who is willing to communicate with them. It’s to completely ignore someone because they feel contempt, as they feel the person is beneath them or worthless as one of the characteristics of the disorder is a belief they are special and superior to others.
The silent treatment is another form of psychological manipulation the narcissist uses against others. It is another form of emotional manipulation for them to keep power and control over you, as they feel entitled to do so. It’s so the narcissist can avoid taking accountability for something they have done, avoid responsibility for their own actions. To maintain their dominance over you. It’s used to punish you, for something you have or haven’t done. It’s used to bait us into a reaction. They believe they are superior and want you to conform to their demands.
The silent treatment hurts, we can become confused, angry, frustrated, and depressed.
Future faking is exactly what it says only it’s better explained the other way around, it’s when the narcissist fakes a future with us. They will make fake promises about our future together, to get their needs met in the present. To build up our hopes and expectations, then blame us when they don’t deliver.
Narcissists make others feel guilt by blaming those around them for the very things the narcissist did, or blame people for why the narcissist didn’t do something that the originally promised to do, so that the narcissist can remain in control. They exploit peoples feelings to punish people, to bring out the worst in people, to take advantage of people for their own gain.
Invalidation is another form of the narcissist’s manipulation, to take control of us, as we slowly fawn to their demands through their invalidation of us. Narcissists use invalidation to put us down, so we don’t achieve, and they can feel superior.
Invalidation is when your, thoughts, feelings, opinions, weight, shape, Job, hobbies, dreams, relationships, it can be a severe as everything about who you are and what you do is rejected, ignored, criticised and judged, by the narcissist.
The main reason a narcissist uses intimidation is, so we fear them, meaning we will conform to their demands out of fear. They also use it to manipulate us and cause us more confusion within our own mind, with subtle threats, that make us wonder if it’s a real threat? If they’re messing around? If they will act on this threat or leave it be? They do this on purpose, so we are worried about the threat, but at the same time we don’t want to make a fuss, or we fear if we speak out, or to other people, that others do not believe us, they might think we’re overreacting, as the narcissist will tell us and others, “You’re too sensitive.” “You’re overreating.” or things like “You are imagining things.”
You are not overracting any threat should be taken seriously, and you do not imagine things if it happened it happened.
Triangulation is another form of a narcissists manipulation of those around them, to distort peoples reality, To gaslight is to change one’s reality, so they lose their sanity. The narcissist can then assert their control, gain attention, exploit people to get their needs met, with a lack of empathy to care for those they hurt by doing this, as they feel entitled to do whatever it takes to get their own way.
Psychological projection is a defence mechanism used by a narcissist to defend their own ego against their own negative qualities, by denying the existence of their own inner faults and placing them onto others. A way to deny theirs and our reality A way of denying something they have done and passing the blame for their behaviour, thoughts or feelings onto others. They can be projecting thoughts, flaws, emotions, characteristics, actions and feelings that they don’t like within themselves.
They take over our emotional health, like a virus slowly taking over and swooping in for the kill, the idealisation where they get all the positive attention and emotions from us, joy, happiness, we want to please and love them any way we can. Our praise to them and about them, to the devaluation where they’ll happily make us angry or cry, they’ll sit and watch us cry, or walk out on us, and then they’ll blame it all on us, leaving us hurt and confused. Even the discard is done each and every time with no closure leaving you hurt and confused, the hoover when they come to ’rescue’ you. Then when you finally wake up and see them for all that they are, they use any and all your weaknesses against you, cutting you wide open for more emotional torture. All this is extremely draining on our physical health also.
You can, and you will recover from this.
- Safely get away from the narcissist, removing the source of the pain and confusion from your life—no contact or grey rock.
- Set up your boundaries, block them and any flying monkeys. Learn a million ways to say no and stick to your no.
- Learn about narcissist personality disorder, put your reality back together, forgive yourself for things you didn’t know. Any reactions you gave, learn to tune into your instincts that your mind and heart chose to ignore.
- Start filling your human needs for love and connection. Certainly, significance. Growth, uncertainty contribution. By learning new things, making new friends, connecting with those who understand you, this will help overcome the trauma bond. Fixing any trauma you had as a child, working on you.
- Finding your focus and creating new dreams for you. Starting new hobbies, or taking up old ones.
- Practice observing and not absorbing their toxins, and those around you, listen to people’s actions, not only their words.
- Be patient and kind on yourself. Most of us slip up on the road to recovery, keep taking those baby steps until you make it.
- Smile at all others, don’t fear reactions, you never know who’s a day you might brighten, a simple smile can infect the world.
- Develop your mindset, teach your brain, consciously throw out those negative thoughts and find the positive each and every day, learn new things and give yourself new knowledge and wisdom, new skills, when it gets hard to keep going, think creative, think constructive, think big, dream big, then take those small steps to learn and go for it. Work on your mindset work on your knowledge, use your brain the right way to benefit you.
- Pay others compliments, how do you feel when you receive a compliment? Give compliments out to those you know and those you don’t, lift others spirits with a simple compliment. When others compliment you, you automatically like them more. It feels good receiving praise, and it also feels good giving them. Giving out genuine compliments helps you develop your own people skills, leading to more confidence within yourself. Only sincere compliments, and if it’s easier to start, do it within your mind until you read to compliment someone verbally.
- Your sense of humour, whatever that is to you; laughter truly helps lift your mood.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.