Narcissists don’t love the new anymore or any less than they did you.
With a narcissist, often it’s not an emotional bond they have with another as many lack the object consistency to care on a deeper level. They can seemingly come across as though they care when their admiration face is on. They are seeking that excessive attention, when they are love-bombing, idealising, future faking, as the narcissist requires a supply of whatever that supply is to that individual narcissist, someone to look good on their arm, money to burn, a car to drive, a place to stay, nobody falls in love faster than a narcissist who needs a place to stay, clothing, attention, money, affection, support, finances, to impress others or to destroy another, flying monkeys or enablers.
A narcissist exploits others whatever they are doing is to meet a need of their own, they can be selling all your dreams to the new supply, as the narcissists will be getting attention and praise from the new supply while hurting you, as they often hold grudges against exes for not doing what the narcissist wanted them to do. So the narcissist is full of resentment, often trying to destroy those who go against them. If they can paint the ex out to be crazy, they can gain sympathy from the new. Suppose the narcissist holds onto your possessions. Whenever you message about them, they can claim you’re obsessed with them to make themselves more appealing to the new, or they can leave their possession with you and claim you’re bitter. You’ll not let them have them. Narcissists will twist and turn anything they can to gain the right supply of support they need from any given person.
With their lack of object consistency when a narcissist isn’t getting their own way, their supply, when there is conflict or distance, the narcissist no longer cares for the person who’s no longer giving in to their demands. They lack the empathy to care, as their supply isn’t being met, they believe you are the one at fault. Therefore they shall lie, deny, deflect, twist truths all to serve them as the hero or victim, so they gain emotional support from others while they destroy you.
Narcissists move from partner to partner to fill their own needs, to supply their own insecurities, to prove their worth, to prove it’s not them, to get the admiration, to feel special, to exploit people. They don’t move on because they love and care for the new. They move on to take advantage and get their needs met. It could last a few months or a few years. They are merely using them until they can not use them anymore, and then they’ll find another replacement. It did not start with you, and it will not end with you. They do not love not in the way you do. They use to meet their own needs.
Remember how it was for you in the beginning. That’s all they are showing with the new partner, the idealisation stage, the love-bombing phase, the hooking the new in. Some might want to warn the new, this will not end well, as when you met the narcissist, and they were treating you so well—smearing the ex to you. What would you think if that ex had come trying to rescue you?
Narcissistic abuse is a cycle that you need to break free from. Each stage lasts a different length of time, depending on the narcissist and the situation, also the other person,
Love bombing, idealising you.
Devaluation, realising your human and not like you. The gaslighting and silent treatment, financial abuse.
Replace, find a new source of supply.
Discard where they might, smear you and triangulate you.
Smear, slander your reputation or character to cover up the things they did to you.
Hoover. It’s not working how they wanted with the new, so they come back to you.
And repeat, if that’s with you or someone new, they just continue the same pattern, time and time again.
The narcissist is not happy with the new person. It’s only the excitement of having something new. We are appliance to them, where we buy a new phone and discard when it’s not working, then if we crack the screen on the new phone, we might see if we can use the old phone, until our new is fixed, or we buy another. This is how narcissistic people use people.
They will seem happy as the new person hasn’t worked it out yet. The narcissist is love bombing and enjoying all the new person’s attention.
Why will they never change?
They do not change. They have a disorder, they change lies, they change partners, they don’t change their true selves, they have a disorder, NPD, to have that disorder, they have a lack of empathy, they are envious, they exploit others, they are preoccupied with their own power, they believe they are special, and above all others, they are arrogant and don’t see themselves as the problem, if they knew their behaviour is wrong, they still have the disorder, they still have those traits underneath the change, even with the therapy they can relapse as those traits are always just under the surface.
The narcissist’s new relationship.
Can a narcissist change?
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.