The narcissist’s false apology is insincere as they’re not expressing their true intent behind their words or taking authentic accountability for their behaviour. Narcissists often believe that they deserve special treatment due to their sense of entitlement. If a narcissist was to apologise, often they hold a grudge, as they’ll feel like they were cornered into apologising for the things they did to you. Narcissist often believes you made them do it in the first place, why if we forgive them and allow them back in our lives their behaviour towards us gets worse.
Narcissists often refuse to admit fault as they believe they’re always right, any pain they’ve caused you to a narcissist is your fault. They blame all others for mistakes and negatives within their life while taking credit for any good.
The false apology is only made so that the narcissist can regain control, receive attention, regaining superiority, get their needs met. The apology is used as a means to appear sorry. Yet, it is never meant in a way someone with empathy would apologise. Some narcissistic people will never issue any kind of an apology, those that do it’s only to further manipulate those around them. They see a need to use the words. They do not have the empathy to understand why they use them. They often use false apologies to prevent someone from leaving them or win someone back. To avoid disciplinary action at work.
A narcissist has no sense of accountability, they believe they have the right to do what they want, when they want, with whoever they want. So they don’t think they need to apologise.
When they do apologies it’s often done with a shift in blame within their apology. “I’m sorry you, I’m sorry if, I’m sorry but.”
The phrases a narcissist will use to blame shift while apologising.
“ I’m sorry for whatever you think I did wrong.”
“ I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“ I’m sorry for what you think I did.”
“ For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“ I’m sorry if you think I said that.”
“ I’m sorry if you think I did that.”
“ I’m sorry you misunderstood me.”
” I’m sorry, I want to change.”
” If you’d have paid me more attention, I wouldn’t have gone elsewhere.”
” I’m sorry I hit you because you made me angry.” “ I’m sorry I trashed the house you annoyed me.” or “ at least I broke the door and didn’t attack you. You made me angry.”
“ I went away because of you.”
“ If you’d listen to me more, I’d listen to you.”
To give a sincere apology, people need to recognise their own behaviour, narcissist lack in cognitive reflection, so once they’ve made their minds up on something, they’re right. If you question this, a narcissist takes this as criticism as to them you’re questioning their entitlement to do as they please.
To give a sincere apology, people need to be responsible for their own actions. A narcissist is arrogant. They are unpleasantly proud of who they are. They don’t recognise their own mistakes or weaknesses for what they are, only to pass the blame that someone else made them. They regularly break agreements once their need has been met, blaming the other person for why the narcissist broke the agreement.
To give a sincere apology, people need to be remorseful. Narcissist lack in the ability to empathise with others. They are oblivious to how their actions hurt others, only how others reactions affect the narcissist. They refuse to admit fault, like any pain someone is in, to a narcissist will have been the other persons fault often why they say ”you made me.” or ”if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t.” those without the disorder often over analyse everything they did and take responsibility for things they didn’t even do.
To give a sincere apology, people need to want to repair the damage they caused. Narcissists are self-entitled. They believe rules don’t apply to them yet hypocritical enough to believe they do to you. Narcissists expect special treatment. They don’t care for those they hurt. They only care about being in control, so they will manipulatively apologise if they can remain in control. They lie to exploit others, and one of their many lies can come in the form of a false apology.
To give a sincere apology, people would not repeat their hurtful or wrong behaviour; narcissistic people are preoccupied with getting their own needs met. Once met, they don’t care if they repeat behaviour so long as their needs are met.
People you shouldn’t trust.
- Those who blame all others.
- Those who shame others.
- Those who lie.
- Those who deny.
- Those who gossip.
- Those who don’t take responsibility.
- Those who lack empathy.
- Those who hold grudges.
People make mistakes, their are those who learn from them and those who blame others for them, how to spot the difference.
When someone makes a mistake and apologises, recognise how their behaviour makes you feel, this is our warning, it’s ok to give someone a chance depending on the severity of the mistake, if they repeat it, this is our lesson that it’s who they are if we forgive. Then they do it again. They are taking advantage. They’ll not change because we carry on forgiving them. The more we forgive them, the more they’ll take advantage of our forgiveness to exploit our kindness.
Sometimes we have to stop giving the benefits of the doubt to those who cause our misgivings.
If you feel uneasy or uncertain around someone, this is your inner voice warning you.
The more chances you give a narcissist, the more they’ll exploit you. At some point, we have to stop giving chances to those who continue to disappoint us.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
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