Overcoming Narcissist abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Narcissist, how they work.
Narcissist finds a target, it depends on the nature of the narcissist and the nature of their target.
Once identified, they will find out as much as they can about you before they take action.
They will then start to love bombing you, they already know things about you to draw you in fast and deep, compliments, meeting up constantly, lots of messages from them, they mirror you and all that you do, all your likes and dislikes they match.
Once they know they’ve got you, the golden period continues, not as much as they do in the start, how long this last depends on the narcissist and the target.
Then the golden period ends, they will start to devalue you, first, they’ll just start acting different to you, you’ll be wondering and may ask if they ok, they will lie, that they or tired or some excuse. They realise your human, and are no longer getting enough positive emotions from you, either day, weeks or months after this.
Then the mask will fully slip, the gaslighting, silent treatment, infidelity, projection, isolation, arguments, triangulation, financial abuse will all be used against you, to draw negative fuel. As the target is confused, empathetic and has a need to put things right, they rarely walk away to start with, the target doesn’t understand what’s happening, because they bring the golden period back occasionally, leading you to question yourself even more, they will stop any abuse, and show you how amazing they are, which makes it all the more intense, you believe that you put the effort it has saved the relationship, leaving you more confused when they start to devalue you again, these moments can last, days, weeks, months or years, depending on the narcissist, they will cycle between, golden and devalue, to keep you more confused.
Sometimes they devalue the target, whilst the golden period and new target, of that, doesn’t work out, they’ll start the golden period on you again and discard them, if it works out they’ll discard you.
They might resort to a prevention hoover if they believe you will escape them and they’ve not got a replacement sorted. So the great will give you an amazing golden period, The Midrange will use pity plays and the lesser may use, violence and threats, the prevention never last long, once they have a replacement sorted, they will up and leave. The greater will be a lot more calculated often using financial resources.
Then they repeat, with the new person.