Overcoming Narcissist Abuse, By Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Another way the narcissist manipulates you. To stop you from going out because you fear coming home, Is by bringing up the past, not just bringing it up, but how they use it too. To use a method to deflect your attack against them, denying what you’re saying and shifting all blame onto you.
they bring up the past for lots of manipulative reasons, this isolates you from friends and family.
As in the beginning during the golden period, the narcissist perhaps gave you a lift to meet friends, would pick you up, then as you move out of the golden period, they are allowed to do as they please, whilst you slowly no longer have a social life. They may say. “I don’t trust that friend of yours, I have great intuition about people.” Or “ I don’t like them, they just use you.”
They can always bring up a past wrong that you committed.
They will bring things up that happened months or years ago, which we find very strange as things or events we ask about you get them. “That never happened.” Or “ you know what my memory is like.” That’s because they like to play with your mind accuse you of lying and making things up. Leaving you to question reality.
Anything that’s happened that they can bring up to use against you, they will.
You organise to go out without them and it’s been organised for months, you have an amazing time, then you arrive home late, you’ve already messaged to inform you’ll be late, when you walk through the door, they fly into a rage, apologising and asking if they got your message will be in vain, they bring up the past of the last time you was late in from work, and they had to cook their own tea. ( the lesser probably ordered a take out. )
As you believe them to be unfair as you messaged to let them know traffic is bad. But they will bring up the fact you were late six months ago, they will turn this into an argument of how you are lying. You might bring up the fact that they are late every week and that you hardly ever go out, yet you don’t bring that up unless you’re trying to defend yourself. You might remind them that you messaged four times last week because you were concerned, they might have sulked of on a silent treatment game on you. You’ll get. “ it was fifteen and I told you I needed space, and I explained I’d forgotten my charger, so had no power to get in touch with you.”
If you try to change the subject, they will class it as criticism, and they want to get more reactions from you. Anything you say, will be used and twisted against you, they will lie about things you’ve done in the past saying. “You need help, your losing your memory.”
You struggle to remember if it actually happened, or if they’re making it up, you know they’re making it up, but with the way in which they do this, is to leave you with more self-doubt and confused.
When you bring things up, “ the lesser and some of the midrange.” Actually, don’t remember the event as to them it’s irrelevant. Or if they do remember it. They remember it as you were to blame because of course, a narcissist is never accountable, so the blame is always shifted onto you, you to them are simply lying. They rewrite history and they believe it.
They always have to be in control and will do anything to remain in control.
They might admit something they, denied a couple of days ago, when you bring this up, they will deny that they ever denied it, just to manipulate and confuse you some more.
The greater knows your telling the truth, knows they want to control, knows they’re twisting it and manipulate you, they do things with extremely calculation.
They bring up the past for all sorts of things to deflect onto you, this is what they do to start separating you from your support network, of friend and family.