Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
The narcissist and sex, it’s just another thing to a narcissist to manipulate you even more, if the narcissist wants sex or doesn’t, it’s only another manipulation method to get at you, both male and female narcissist, use it to better their advantage over you. They can use it to push you away and to pull you in, all so they can control your emotional reactions, they know that sex makes you feel loved.
You most likely believed in the happy ever after fairytale dream that the narcissist sold you in the idolisation stage, so you think of love and sex as the same. They are fully aware of your needs, to hook you in they create an illusion and give you everything you’ve ever dreamed off. They know you’re waiting for someone to come along and sweep you off your feet. They learn from songs and movies, other couples how much you want to be loved and cared for, and exactly how to portray it to you, learning everything they can about you, then they can start taking you apart. It’s all more manipulative behaviour, for them to give you want you to want, then take it all away from you.
Narcissists do not see it as love and intimacy, they see it as a method of further manipulation, to get their needs met and to further their power and control over you.
When you first meet them, it’s often a whirlwind romance, that sucks you into an illusion, as the narcissist has the admiration face on, the face that will take one day slip into the envious face.
Narcissists see love and sex as entirely different things, too a narcissist these things do not go together, they do however know what people with empathy, think about sex and the union of two people who love each other coming together, people who have compassion that is, loving, trusting, caring, kind and honest see it as a healthy part of a strong and loving relationship.
Those narcissists who enjoy sex, usually the somatic narcissist see it pleasure for themselves, they will ask about your sex life, not all will do this. Overt will often do so intrusively, some of the coverts are more subtle they might watch a romantic film with you. Ask subtle questions about it, so that they know what they can later use against you. Narcissistic people know that passion at the beginning of a relationship is far more intense than as you go through life together, they up this passion to really sweep you off your feet.
They know that sex, in the beginning, Is where healthy people with empathy cannot keep their hands off each other, they also know this is a point where people may try new things, and when they might try taking down your sexual boundaries.
A narcissist has no feelings towards sex when it comes to the other person involved.
A narcissist uses the beginning of a sexual relationship, where you jump into bed together at every opportunity as a means to an end, of drawing you deeper into their games.
They see sex as an opportunity to give you what you want, and then they can extract what they want from you.
The narcissist only sees sex as necessary as, they like the attention they get from you during sex, they want you to want them and want more, they know they can go get it somewhere else if needs must.
When they go for the quick rough and tumble in the kitchen, it’s all about them meeting their needs, and you believe it’s because they’re attracted to you, it’s just for their own satisfaction,
The long passionate encounters, you think it’s love.
The quick on a whim one, you believe the passion is still there.
All for their own needs.
They live in a different reality to us, and they see sex as a device to further their manipulation and get their needs met. They do, however, understand what it means to you, even though they don’t feel it for themselves.
As you see sex as love, intimacy, joy and pleasure.
They only extract the attention from you. They do get a physical reaction from sex, just no emotional ones. You might as well be their hand as it’s just a masturbation to them.
They use sex to break your sexual boundaries.
There is those narcissists who are incredible in bed, this is just so you fall harder for them, madly in love with them, as the connection is incredible, even when you’ve split up and no longer like them, they know you will still crave the sex, helping them more when it comes to breaking your boundaries with the hoover.
There is the narcissist that will watch porn, and self satisfies purely for the physical effects.
There is a few that are terrible in bed, not many, yet they’ll use this as a pity play, that they haven’t had much experience and they want you to teach them.
There are those narcissists that will push for constantly for sex, just so they know they can stop you in whatever you are doing no matter how important to tend to them when you don’t they can deploy an argument, silent treatment, win-win to the narcissist, either way, they get they get attention from the sex or they make you feel bad and get attention from you in that way.
There are those where you’ll wake in the middle of the night to find them getting it on.
There are those who will physically force their partners into sex.
There are also those narcissists that just find it plain dirty, these are the ones who’ll jump straight into the bath or shower afterwards, they be happy to have sex in the start, then they become all to frigid, Often blaming you for being a sex addict, even though it’s the first time you’ve brought it up in six months,
Sex to a narcissist is just another method of manipulation.
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