Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach.
Some techniques for you to try and help with recovery.
Mapping across, a visual picture, or the tone and volume of your voice, if you can identify any experience or area of your life right now, where you don’t have the resources you needed. Then think of an experience or area within your life where you have the resource you need. So if you struggling to take care of yourself, even to eat, yet you’re taking care of your children, use the thoughts and mindset of when you take care of the children, when it comes to taking care of you, use how you talk to yourself about the need to feed, bathe, brush your children’s teeth etc, use that visual image of your children, then apply those techniques to help yourself, getting dressed etc, put the areas that work well in your life and those thoughts, visuals. Information and introduce them into areas of your life that are not working well for you. Mapping across helps you to bring resources into all areas of your life that work best for you.
Collaboration, so you actually work with others on their body language, to counteract any effects it has on you. Make yourself aware and sensitive to seeing others and your own physiology. Changes in breathing, skin tone, the tone of voice, shift in body movements.
So if play close attention to others, you can recognise when they are going into a different state of mindset, you’ll learn by what your seeing and hearing, (observe don’t absorb video at link at the bottom of page, for more information on this.) what their next move will be, you can also learn if you tune into yourself, what mindset you’re going into and pause it, then change it into the mindset you want. This is extremely helpful when dealing with a narcissist, as your putting a lot of attention into how they are acting and taking, they don’t know, they may think they’ve got your attention, so you’ll know what the next stage they are going into and counteract it, you’ll also notice deception, you’ll recognise when they are lying, their physiology doesn’t match their words.
When we feel sad, we most often slump our shoulders down, our heads go down, we might frown, when we are feeling anger, our fists might clench, our body might go tight, we might cry, screen or shout, when we feel happy, we smile, raise our shoulders and raise our heads, our voices are happier, yours allowed to feel anger, sadness and pain, these are normal human emotions, when we hold onto these it brings us down and brings our mindset and thoughts to focus on these, so set a time limit, put an alarm on, then when it goes off. Changes your body language, make your self smile, the same as when negative people are in front of you trying to provoke you, stand tall, Observe and don’t absorb.
Anchoring, managing your own thoughts Matching a sound or touch, with an idea or feeling. When you walk into the kitchen to get a drink and notice the pots need putting away, that’s a natural anchor, what you see with your eyes, your mind then wants you to do. Visual anchors or thought anchors, when your feeling anxiety, or thinking negative thoughts, find a positive photo or thought to bring you back to reality, find your anchor. Put your hand on your heart and take deep breaths, consciously make an effort to do this and tell yourself it’s ok, or tell yourself a positive thought, whenever you feel anxiety or negative thinking, coming in.
When your feeling those negative emotions, these are normal emotions and life has a way of letting them creep in, it’s finding the right strategies for you to handle them, so when they come in, stop and think of three things you are genuinely grateful for in your life, it can be hard to find when our minds in the negative, work hard to find them, once found focus on those things to be grateful for and be proud of yourself and who you are.
Reach out to others if needed, people do feel the same as you at times, and will help raise your spirits back up, or give advice you might not have thought about.
And remember to try to find that one thought, image or picture, that brings a smile onto your face, then keep that smile going, one smile can infect the world, and what a beautiful world it would be with joyful, smiling faces.
Avoid news, bad news sells, the good news is rarely on, keep looking for the good things in life, keep finding the good in life, to create a much more joyful experience for you.
You are amazing, you can, and you will recover and live a much happier life.
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Observe don’t absorb video.