What is compassionate narcissism?
The compassionate narcissist isn’t a narcissistic person who has suddenly found empathy. They are a narcissistic person who will pretend to be care about something in order to exploit someone.
In general, narcissistic people lack empathy for those around them. They only care about themselves. However, they will happily use the struggles of those around them in order to create further conflict and chaos and disorder within the world to meet an agenda of their own.
The compassionate narcissistic person more covertly acts like they care in order to gain sympathetic attention, admiration or play the victim when people take a stand against them.
The compassionate narcissist would look like they are protecting someone or look like they’re protecting a religion, a culture, a race, a belief, a gender, often by attacking the very people who don’t, then playing the woe is me victim who’s been attacked when the very people they’re attacking call them out, with claims such as “I’m only trying to help.” Or “it’s only because I care.”
By means of protecting, they’re often falsely accusing or attacking those they’re envious of, to divide and conquer, to isolate people, to stop others from having a voice, to make it so society isn’t allowed to disagree with them. If they do disagree with them, they face dire consequences, often stopping people from speaking out against them.
Narcissistic people are going to use others’ compassion in order to gain enablers to their side and gain flying monkeys to do their dirty work for them to attack other people for them, as the more they can get their flying monkeys to attack others for them, the more they keep their hands clean, then due to the shame of the flying monkeys behaviour the less likely they are to speak out or live in fear of the narcissist if they do speak out against the things that the compassionate narcissist is claiming to be protecting.
However, they’re not protecting in order for that positive sum game where there is a win-win situation for all parties and trying to get other people to see the perspectives or the different points of view, to live and let live. They’re not looking for understanding. They’re looking for compliance with the religion, the cult, the culture, the race, the gender, the belief. They’re looking to gain everybody to agree with them. They’re looking to turn everybody against those who don’t agree with them, and they’re looking to shut down those who don’t agree with them, so they can control the narrative, create conflict, and look like they’ve been a reasonable person in it all. Anyone who calls them out for what they’re actually doing, which is exploiting the religion or culture, race, belief, or gender to meet their own agenda, the narcissist will morph into the victim of how people are attacking them, gaining sympathetic attention from those around them, often meaning they get away with their hurtful and destructive behaviour, even if people in that religion, culture, race, gender or belief, disagree with the narcissist, call that narcissistic person out, The narcissistic person will just morph into the role of victim and claim “after all I’ve done for you it’s only because I care.”
Narcissistic people don’t care for anyone other than themselves. They just use other people to exploit other people to gain the attention or admiration that they believe they’re entitled to they don’t care they just don’t want other people to know they don’t care.
The compassionate narcissist is a typical school playground bully who will go all out to attack someone who they are envious of or who isn’t living up to that narcissist’s standards, isn’t living life on the narcissists terms, or they’re trying to isolate and make the scapegoat, then as soon as that person stands up to the narcissist the narcissist goes telling on that person to all those who will listen, snitching on the very person the narcissist is attacking as the narcissist morphs into the role of the victim to gain sympathetic attention so that nobody dares ever speak out against them. They rule through fake compassion, through coercion, through threats or through fear, yet they do it in a way where they seemingly look like they care so nobody believes that they could be capable of such hurtful and destructive behaviour.
The compassionate narcissist is actually a very, very poor listener. They only listen to the bits of information that they can actually use against you; however, if the information doesn’t serve themselves, they are not interested they are highly sensitive to criticism. Now we can all be sensitive to criticism, especially when someone has put us down. There is also a thing such as constructive criticism; however, a compassionate narcissist is not going to look for constructive criticism. Instead, they’re going to take it as a personal attack on them, and they are going to seek to attack you, and as they lack empathy, there is no low they won’t go to punish you. Looking to win and to win at all costs to you. They’re looking for you to agree with them. The second you disagree with them due to their arrogance, they’re going to seek to put you down, and they have the victim mentality, so you can’t speak up against them as their enablers, and flying monkeys come along believing they’re helping them by attacking you.
Yet they are so grandiose in themselves that they fail to recognise this within themselves they will not admit fault. They will just go and accuse somebody else of hurting them.
You can’t win with those who seek to outdo you, those who you can’t say no to. Narcissists aren’t interested in your opinions. They’re interested in your agreeableness, and when you don’t agree to their demands, they seek to destroy you.
The only way to win a narcissist is to carefully remove yourself from their life and go no contact.
Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.