Narcissists often lead people into believing they struggle with anger management issues or low mood. However, more often than not, a covert narcissist can manage their anger just fine when there are witnesses to their behaviour, or they can put that low mood on to get out of going somewhere or doing something. As soon as they no longer need to go anywhere, suddenly they’re ok. Even the overt narcissist who acts more in your face as they have enough enablers and flying monkeys to be their arrogant selves wherever they are will rein in their behaviour if they believe there’s a need to do so.
When it comes to dealing with a narcissist, they are the masters of manipulation who believe they are better than others, that they make no mistakes, that they do no wrong. Yet, as a self-entitled hypocrite, to a narcissist they’re always right, making everyone else wrong, anything they do wrong a narcissist will always be on the lookout for a scapegoat to blame and shame so the narcissist can avoid taking responsibility for their behaviour, however, the narcissists expect those around them to take responsibility for their own behaviour as well as that behaviour of the narcissist.
As a narcissist will exploit others to get their needs met, anything they do wrong, they will gaslight, project and do all they can to shift the blame away from themselves and over to the scapegoat, so there are no consequences to the narcissist’s actions.
To exploit others, a narcissist will mirror people to match people, to gain information to use against that person. So if a narcissist believes another would perceive the narcissist’s behaviour in a manner that wouldn’t best serve the narcissist, the narcissist doesn’t think that their behaviour is wrong. The narcissist thinks the other person perception is false. However, if the narcissist wants to exploit someone for something, the narcissist will rein in any behaviour that wouldn’t work in the narcissist’s favour and behave in a manner that sells the other person an illusion of who the other person would like so they trust and admire the narcissist.
A narcissist will mirror those around them, then reflect back to those around them the beliefs and ideas the other person has to influence the other person into liking and trusting the narcissist.
If a narcissist had influenced enough flying monkeys and enables to like and support them, a narcissist might pick out a target to devalue and intimidate, playing endless mind games to cause that person anger and frustration, to which a narcissist will blame the other person for not being or doing as the narcissist wanted, so when the other person reacts. They can react badly due to all the gaslighting and emotional abuse. The narcissist will stand back, act shocked, blame the person they’re provoking and gain more enablers.
Or a narcissist can be incredibly rude, falling silent, ignoring, invalidating, intimidating, neglectful in private to a person. In public treat the person so well, so when someone tries to call the narcissist out, as others don’t see this side to the narcissist they don’t believe it, or as the narcissist is love bombing and idealising the flying monkeys or enablers, or they have yet to criticise the narcissist, they don’t see that side to the narcissist. As a narcissist will be putting that grandiose act and charismatic charm on while smearing the person they’re provoking, when the person the narcissist is provoking tries to call the narcissist out, people are lead to believe the narcissist is right about the person the narcissist is smearing, leaving the victim isolated. The narcissist beliving they’ve done no wrong. It’s all the victims fault.
Abuse is abuse no excuse.
A narcissist will rein in certain behaviours around certain people to sell people an illusion of who those people would like the narcissist to be, so they don’t see the narcissist as the problem. They see the one who’s speaking out, telling the truth, to be the one creating problems.
A bully will start a fight to play the victim, so the innocent party who is being bullied gets punished, while the bully gets the attention of being comforted and supported.
Narcissists believe they are special. They are preoccupied with getting their needs met, and one way they do this is to future fake with people, to sell people a future so the narcissist can get their needs met in the present. Once the narcissist’s needs are met, they fail to deliver on those promises, while they find ways to blame the innocent party as to why the narcissist didn’t deliver.
Narcissists are forever changing the game, finding someone else to blame, so the narcissist can avoid taking responsibility for their irresponsible behaviour.
When a narcissist believes another person’s perception of the narcissist’s behaviour could lead to consequences for the narcissist, the narcissist will lie, deny, shift the blame and rein in their behaviour.
A narcissist will put on their admiration face, put on the arrogant, charismatic charm, or they’ll play the victim to gain sympathetic attention. The narcissist then finding a scapegoat to blame on the narcissist isn’t held accountable.
As narcissist always believes they’re right, even when they’ve changed behaviour, it’s only a temporary change to avoid exposure. Often a narcissist still believes that they are right. They believe the people they’ve changed for are gullible and stupid. If a narcissist can pull someone in to get on over on someone else, they will, often feeling smug with their smirk.
A narcissist often believes the innocent party to be deserving of punishment as the narcissist believes people call them out to seek revenge, as that’s where a narcissist is coming from if a narcissist is called out, the narcissist will seek many options to gain revenge, on those the narcissist believes have gone against them.
A narcissist doesn’t see themselves as the problem, so they think the other person is after revenge; therefore, they seek to get one over on that person if the narcissist believes they can get one over on that person by discrediting that persons reality, by discrediting that persons character, by ruining the other person’s reputation, by getting all those around them to believe that the narcissist is the miss or Mr nice guy the narcissist takes this as a win as they’re gaining attention, admiration, praise, support from the flying monkeys and enablers that the narcissist is exploiting to their advantage, while getting the narcissists victim to question and doubt themselves, causing the true victim more confusion, more frustration, more resentment, more pain, more hurt, which a narcissist will feel smug for as the narcissist is seeking to punish those who don’t do as the narcissist pleases.
Even when a narcissist seeks revenge over someone the narcissist has hurt, the narcissist still believes they are in the right.
It’s very confusing when you’re with someone who, behind closed doors, treats you one way, and then in public differently, and everyone else speaks highly of them, you are then the one, left full of self-doubt and self-blame Questioning changing yourself, which is right where a narcissist wants you.
When a narcissist can not control through love, they will try to control through fear, which is why a narcissist can rage out at you.
If a narcissist isn’t getting the attention they believe they’re entitled to, if they think they’re not getting things their own way, If they can’t get one over on somebody if they feel they are losing control over somebody, or losing something of importance to them, a narcissist can be the one to lose their temper in public, however, when they do a narcissist will not look at themselves, they’ll look to find a way to rationalise or justify their behaviour, to find a scapegoat to blame for their behaviour, to provoke the person who said no to them, or tried to call them out, into reacting, so the narcissist can blame the other person while reining in their behaviour, so the narcissist doesn’t have to face the consequences of their actions.
When it comes to a narcissist, it depends on the image that narcissist is trying to sell to those around them. A communal narcissist will be selling themselves as kind, helpful, community-oriented, and their mask may never slip in public. It might slip indoors yet never outdoors. An arrogant narcissist who believes rules don’t apply to them and others should just agree with them, ruling through fear, they will be who they are no matter who they are around, as when they go storming of people have that much fear they don’t question it.
People can unwittingly enable a narcissist out of fear of what could happen to them.
It all depends on the image the individual narcissist is trying to sell those around them.
Narcissists don’t suffer from anger management. They have a sense of entitlement, a lack of empathy, are envious of others, exploitative, and it’s who they are their beliefs, you did not cause it, can not change it for them. You can not control who you are around them to control how they behave around you. What a narcissist wants one day, they don’t the next. They’re envious, always seeking more or seeking to destroy another’s happiness. At the same time, they see no wrong in their behaviour, only yours, especially if you say no to them, question their beliefs that they are entitled as their reality is no longer matching up, and with a narcissists lack of empathy. They will fight below the belt to get one over on you. If that means changing their behaviour depending on who they are around, they will.
A Narcissist will change who they are depending on who they need to exploit, and they’ll morph into whoever they need to be to meet a need of their own.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.