Overcoming Narcissistic abuse, by Elizabeth Shaw – Life coach.
Narcissist abuse has devastating effects on our mental health, physical health and financial health, they drive people out of their own minds and leave them feeling like they are going crazy. They destroy people through, gaslighting, isolation, projection, pity plays, silent treatment, blame-shifting, cohesion, some also use physical violence. Even when the relationship is over, and you’re trying to piece your life back together, heal your mind from all the trauma bonding, cptsd, anxiety, depression, feeling confused and being emotionally and physically drained. The narcissist still tries to destroy you through smear campaigns, using every weakness they knew about you against you, including children, they do not care for you or the children, or the children’s mental health, they will do anything to play the children off against you, they will do anything they can to destroy you, flaunting new partners in your face as they are insecure and they struggle to be alone.
No contact or grey rock, is the first steps in healing, then it’s all about working on your inner self and healing your mind as neuroscientists claim long term emotional abuse and living in constant fear and stress causes actually brain damage, your hippocampus shrinks which is valuable for your memory and you amygdala grows which holds your emotions and thing like fear and paranoia can feel overwhelming as can your other emotions, by working on you, these will return back to normal size.
How can you stop the narcissist having any impact on your life when they are always throwing something in your direction, and you’re struggling to remove them from your mind?
No impact is the second step for ultimate recovery and healing. So they no longer have any effects on your emotional or physical state.
You can live your life aware that the narcissist might never go away and leave you alone. (some do.) yet be in a place within yourself that their actions no longer have any impact on you so that you can live your life with joy and happiness.
You can have outside people try to destroy you. Yet you can conquer and gain control back of your own mind, so your emotional health is no longer impacted.
You can live your life where circumstances are not ideal, with less than ideal circumstances and people having a great indifference towards you, that affects our emotions, you can live your life, where someone is doing all they can to destroy you, yet it no longer affects your emotions.
Step one. No contact or minimal contact if you have children, a lot of us feel guilty for doing so. Lose the guilt you need to limit contact or no contact, so you can separate and distance yourself from the source that’s causing you psychological harm. Removing yourself from the direct source of the poison that’s infecting your mind. The hardest part of this is the temptation of going back to what’s become familiar to you, its become an addiction, through trauma bonding and the human needs, you can break this addiction.
Step two. choose your pain. Do you want a lifetime of psychology emotionally, energy-draining, physical health pain, or the short term pain that leads to freedom, it is going to hurt to remove them from your life, the short term pain of living without them leads a lot of us taking them back, which only leads us to more harm, facing that short term pain without them will lead to inner peace, joy and happiness. Breaking the cycle might be painful, but it’s temporary, going back the pain will only continue, choose your freedom today. You have a choice, choose you.
Step three. Reprogram your mindset, being around positive, uplifting people, kind people who want to help others, learning the things you love to do for you, reading positive books, listening to motivational videos, learning about narcissism helps most recover, and it gives so many lightbulb moments as you put reality back together. Creating who you want to be, your boundaries to protect you and become deal breakers, if someone doesn’t like you, and tries to break down your boundaries, those people are not for you. Learning your standards, growing and developing yourself. Throwing out negative thoughts that your subconscious gives you, and making a conscious effort to replace them with positive ones and the things you have to be grateful for. As your mind has been fed so many lies, its time to feed it new positive information. Rebuild your self-esteem, your confidence, your abilities. You have to intentionally remove the thought process that no longer serves you, give yourself me time and work on rebuilding thoughts that do serve you. You can be whoever you want to be, and you can learn to think exactly how you want to believe, it’s just a learning curve, like learning to walk, it’ll feel uncomfortable to start, you might stumble, get up and go again until you make it and it becomes a naturally more positive more you thought process.
Step four. Strengthen and redefine your circle of friends, and the narcissist may have isolated you, and a good friend will still welcome you back with understanding, making new friends, so many have been through what you have, also looking to connect with others and create new amazing connections with others who understand. People that you lift up that will also lift you up in times of need.
Step five. Work on your spirit, narcissistic people destroy our spirits, surround yourself with people and things that inspire you. When people only want to take from you and drain you, find something that inspires you, you’ll naturally lose your emotional attachment to negative things and be pulled to those things that inspire you.
Step six. Start new dreams, new plans and have a new vision for your future, the narcissist might have stolen your old ones, and you can now create new ones. You’ve spent so long trying to please them, and it’s much easier to please yourself.
Step seven. Forgive yourself, for trying to help those who can not be helped, forgive yourself for not listening to your instincts, forgive yourself for not knowing the situation in its entirety, forgive yourself for any reactions, forgiveness is for you to heal you, do not forget, you are wiser and stronger than you were before, don’t ever allow someone to take you under again, by remembering how far you have come.
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Detaching your thoughts.