The narcissist and money.
Some of the ways a narcissist abuse you with finances, if you’re still with them, and help with getting out.
Financial abuse is one of the most powerful ways to keep someone trapped within any form of relationship 98 % of abusive relationships have financial abuse, especially when children are involved.
The narcissist will impact your finances in various ways. As a narcissist is dishonest, they start off with all their lies. You may not even know how much or how little money the narcissist truly has.
They are always looking for a replacement for love, their best replacement, for them is money, they think they have money, even if they don’t, they believe they have the right to spend all the money theirs or not, they may gamble, they may use drugs, they may compulsively shop.
The narcissist is a master of manipulation, from gaslighting to the silent treatment when it comes to abuse. Nothing is exempt, including your money and their money. They exploit anything and everything to gain and keep control.
First, they lie, then they threaten, then they leave you without money to take care of your basic needs. They may say things like. “ I need petrol in my car to get to work, so I can not give you money for food this week. ”
They will put the family in debt, as they believe they are entitled to anything and everything that they want.
You may have the tight ward narcissist, that will not buy their children or even themselves clothes. Some people are cheap. If they are pathological about it, that’s not ok. These will often not see why they have to pay maintenance for their own children.
Some narcissists are generous to establish themselves of how important and wealthy they are. If they buy you gifts, they will expect something in return. Those will sometimes pay maintenance for children after the breakup. Some people are generous and like to spend money. If they’re not pathological about it, they are not a narcissist. They just want to splash the cash.
Some will stop you from having access to money, so you are dependent on them.
They’ll not want you buying cars in your own name.
They may take credit cards out in your name without you knowing and max them out.
They may borrow money then gaslight you when it comes to paying you back. Or cause an argument to make you feel bad for asking for it.
They like to control people through money, and they might take your name off bank accounts or try to get you to sign your house over to them.
They may not be in employment, so depending on your money, they might actually say. “I don’t see why I need to get a job.”
They might ask to borrow money. Then when you ask for it back, you get the. “I gave you money last week. Can you not remember.”
A covert form of financial abuse is when the narcissist lets you control the money. However, they bully and intimidate in such a way you had over what they need, often getting yourself into debt in the process.
The narcissist wants the best of everything, so they will happily spend their money and yours on themselves, getting themselves the best of everything, yet when it comes to you and your wants, they are not interested. Most people like new things, so if they’ve not got at least five of the nine characteristics, they will not be narcissists.
Narcissists use manipulative threats over money, so if you let them know you are leaving them, you may hear. “You’ll not be afforded to be able to take care of the children, so I’ll have to take custody.”
If you call them out on threats, they will say, “I didn’t say that.” To leave you feeling disoriented and confused.
Narcissists have been known to promise things, like a nice hotel break, for weeks, then they don’t deliver because they’ve spent money elsewhere, you’ll get the “I didn’t promise that.”
Financial abuse chips away at you. You doubt yourself, your stability and your doubt your financial abilities to take care of yourself and your children.
So they will abuse and gaslight you through money.
They will lie about how much money they make, and they will spend too much on the best car they can to look like they have money. Don’t get me wrong, some people just want a nice car, and if they don’t have other traits, just because someone wants a nice car, they are not a narcissist.
They will sabotage you through finances. When you’re trying to regain control of your finance, they might create situations so you can not work. Or if you do work, they may want that money. Narcissists might:-
Give you no access to bank accounts.
Not allow you to do any sort of study.
Force you to skip paying bills.
The narcissist steals from you.
The narcissist doesn’t trust others because they are very untrustworthy. Because we think like normal people, we don’t see it.
If you’re still with the narcissist and looking to leave, or if you’ve left, they might still have control of the finances, or you might be left with debt. So you need to protect your accounts. Make sure you set new accounts up in your name only, so they can not get access.
Remember, recovery is all about the baby steps, so celebrate each achievement no matter how small.
Get all your documents, from birth certificates to passports, stash any spare money you can. Create a budget, no matter how hard. Change passwords and PIN numbers. Don’t feel bad if you need to ask friends or family for help.
If needed, find a shelter for you to go to. Yes, it’s extremely tough. Afterwards, the only way is up. Others have done it and succeeded, so can you.
Believe you deserve better because you do.
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Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
More information on how to leave a narcissist.